老友记 第一季 Friends Season 1 第21集: 假莫妮卡The One with the Fake Monica

上映日期: 1,994

语言: 英语 / 荷兰语 / 汉语普通话

影片类型: 喜剧 / 爱情

导演: 大卫·克拉尼 / 玛尔塔·考夫曼

演员: 詹妮弗·安妮斯顿 / 柯特妮·考克斯 / 丽莎·库卓 / 马特·勒布朗 / 马修·派瑞 / 大卫·休默 / 詹姆斯·迈克尔·泰勒


台词
How'd someone get your credit card number?
怎么会有人知道你的信用卡号码?
I have no idea. Look how much they spent!
我也不知道 看看他们花了多少钱
Monica, Calm down.
摩妮卡 冷静点
You only have to pay for the stuff you bought.
信用卡公司说 你只要付你有买东西的钱
Still, it's just such reckless spending.
但这真的是挥霍无度
When somebody steals your credit card...
我想他们偷你的信用卡时…
...they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
早就将王法抛诸脑后了
Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
哇 真是怪人 花了美金69.95元买神奇拖把
That's me.
是我买的
Oh! Oh, the yuck.
噢 恶心
He's doing it again!
他又来了
Marcel, stop humping the lamp!
马塞尔 别再侵犯那盏灯了
Stop humping! Now, Marcel, come back!
不要这样 马塞尔 回来
Come here, Marcel!
过来这里 马塞尔
Oh, no, no! Not in my room! I'll get him.
不要 别去我房间 我去抓他
You've got to do something about the humping.
罗斯 你得想想办法
What? It's just a phase.
干嘛?只是阶段性而已
Well, that's what we said about Joey.
我们也是那样说乔伊的
Hey, would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
放轻松点好吗?没什么大不了的
Marcel, stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!
马塞尔 给我停止 马塞尔 你这个坏猴子
- What? - Ugh!
- 怎么了? - 呃
Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.
就说我的好奇娃娃 已经不再好奇了吧
Ugh, Monica, you are not still going over that thing.
摩妮卡 你不会还在看那个东西吧
- This woman's living my life. - What?
- 这个女人过着我的生活 - 什么?
She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me.
她在过我的生活 而且过得比我好
Look at this. Look.
你看看这个 看
She buys tickets to plays I want to see.
她买票去看我想看的戏
She shops at stores that I'm intimidated by the salespeople.
她买的衣服是我早就想买的
She spent $300 on art supplies.
她花三百美金在美术用品上
You're not an artist.
你又不是艺术家
Yeah, well, I might be if I had the supplies.
如果我有那些东西 或许就可以了
I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.
这些我都可以做啊 只是我都没做
Oh, Monica, come on. You do cool things.
摩妮卡 别这样 你也做很多很棒的事情啊
Oh, really? Let's compare, shall we?
是吗?来比较一下吧
Oh, it's so late for "shall we?"
现在做比较 会不会太晚了?
Do I go horseback riding in the park, hmm?
我会去公园骑马吗?
Do I take classes at The New School?
我会在新学院大学上课吗?
- No. - No.
- 不会 - 不会
This is so unfair.
太不公平了
She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.
她有所有我要的东西 而且不用应付我妈妈
How about Joey Paponi?
乔伊•帕帕尼如何?
No, still too ethnic.
不行 太有种族意味了
My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
我的经纪人觉得要取中立一点的名字
Joey Switzerland?
乔伊•瑞士?
Plus I think it should be Joe. Joey makes me sound like I'm...
而且我觉得叫乔就好 乔伊听起来好像我只有…
...this big.
这么大而已
Which I'm not!
但我并不是
Joe, Joe, Joe... Stalin?
乔 乔 乔… 史达林?
Stalin.
史达林
Do I know that name? That sounds familiar.
我听过那个名字吗?好耳熟
- Well, it does not ring a bell with me. - Huh.
- 我没印象 - 唔
Joe Stalin.
乔•史达林
You know, that's pretty good.
还挺不错的
- You might want to try Joseph. - Ah!
- 还可以试试乔瑟夫 - 啊
Joseph Stalin!
乔瑟夫•史达林
- I think you'd remember that! - Oh, yes!
- 大家一定会记得 - 当然啦
Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin.
《别了 鸟儿》由乔瑟夫•史达林主演
Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.
乔瑟夫•史达林是《屋顶上的提琴手》
- Hey. - Hey.
- 嘿 - 嘿
Hi.
Hi. Uh, yes, this is Monica Geller.
嗨 我是摩妮卡•盖勒
Um, I'm taking classes with you, and I was wondering what they were.
我在你们那边上课 我想知道是什么课程
What are you doing?
你在干嘛?
All right, great.
好 太好了
Great. Thanks a lot.
好 谢谢了
I'm going to tap class.
我要去上踢踏舞课了
So you can dance with the woman that stole your card?
好让你跟偷了你信用的女人一起跳舞吗?
She's got my life. I want to see who she is.
她偷了我的人生 我想知道她是谁
Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up!
那就去邮局啊 我相信里面有张贴她的照片
Honey, you're kind of losing it here.
亲爱的 你快失控了
This is really becoming a weird obsession.
这已经变成怪异的执迷
This is madness, I tell you.
这太疯狂了 我告诉你
For the love of God, Monica, don't do it!
上帝保佑 摩妮卡 别这么做
Thank you.
谢谢
What do you think?
你们怎么想?
Lots of things.
想很多事情
Which one do you think she is?
你觉得她是哪一个?
- May I help you? - Oh, no, thanks.
- 有我可以效劳的地方吗? - 不用了 谢谢
We're just here to observe.
我们只是来参观的
You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class!
舞蹈课不是用来参观的 要用跳的
Spare shoes are over there.
那边有鞋子
What does she mean?
什么意思?
I think she means, "You dance...
我想她是说 "舞蹈课…"
...a dance class!"
"要用跳的 "
Come on, come on, come on!
来吧…
Really?
真的吗?
Hey, do you see anybody you think could be me?
嘿 你有看到我的分身吗?
People, last time there were yogurt containers lying around after class.
各位 上次下课后 有人留下优格空瓶
Let's not have that happen again!
不要再让这种事发生了
She could be you.
她可以当你的分身
Let's get started.
开始吧
Five, six. Five, six, seven, eight.
五 六 五 六 七 八
Okay, I'm not getting this!
好 我完全不会
I'm totally getting it!
我超会的
Do you ever just feel like you're so unbelievably uncoordinated?
你会觉得自己超不协调的吗?
What? You just click when they click.
干嘛?他们踢的时候 跟着踢就是了
All right. Now everyone grab a partner.
好吧 各位 找个舞伴
Oh! Oh.
噢…
All right. And my dead mother said you are it! I'm with Rachel.
我死去的母亲说 就是你 我跟瑞秋是舞伴
Great, it's gym class all over again.
太好了 体育课的旧事又重演了
Aww.
That's all right. You can come up to the front and dance with me.
没关系 你可以来前面 跟我搭档
Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare?
我还不如脱掉衣服 做个恶梦算了?
It's okay, it's okay! I'm here, I'm here. I'm so sorry I'm late.
没关系了 我来了 很抱歉我迟到了
Okay, here I am.
好 我到了
So who's the new tense girl?
这位紧张的新人是谁?
She's your partner.
她是你的舞伴
- Hi, I'm Monica. - Hi.
- 嗨 我是摩妮卡 - 嗨
Oh, ha.
哦…
Monica.
摩妮卡
Hi, I'm Mon...
嗨 我是摩…
Nana.
娜娜
- Monana? - Yeah.
- 摩娜娜? - 是的
It's Dutch.
是荷兰语
You're kidding. I spent three years in Amsterdam.
开玩笑吧 我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年
Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.
我是宾州的荷兰人
And we're dancing!
要跳舞了
Five, six, seven, eight.
五 六 七 八
Hi.
- Hey. - Hey.
- 嘿 - 嘿
- Where have you been? - I just got back from the vet.
- 你去哪了? - 我刚从兽医那里回来
She's not gonna make you wear a big plastic cone, is she?
她不会叫你戴那些塑胶头套吧?
She says Marcel's humping thing is not a phase.
她说马塞尔乱性不是暂时的
Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.
显然他已经性成熟了
Hey, he beat you!
嘿 他比你还快耶
She says, as time goes on, he'll start getting aggressive and violent.
她说他会愈来愈暴力 侵略性愈来愈强
What does this mean?
什么意思?
I have to give him up.
我得放弃他
中央咖啡厅
I can't believe it, Rose. This sucks!
我不敢相信 罗斯 这太扯了
You just got him. How could he be an adult already?
我不懂 你才刚养他 怎么可能已经成年了?
I know, I know. One day he's this little thing...
我知道 前一天才小小只的…
...and before you know it, he's this little thing...
不知不觉中就变成…
...I can't get off my leg.
紧抓我的腿不放的小东西
Isn't there any way you can keep him?
没有办法能让你留下他吗?
No. No.
没有
The vet said that unless he's in a place where he has regular access...
兽医说除非有个地方…
...to some monkey loving...
让他获得正常的猴爱
...he's just gonna get vicious.
否则他会愈来愈残暴
I just gotta get him into a zoo.
我得把他送到动物园
- How do you get a monkey into a zoo? - I know that one!
- 要怎么把猴子送到动物园? - 我知道
No, that's popes into a Volkswagen.
不 那是教宗进入福斯汽车
We're applying to a lot of them. Our first choice would be a state zoo.
我们申请了很多动物园 首要选择当然是州立动物园
You know, like, uh, San Diego.
像是圣地亚哥
Right?
对吧?
But that may just be a pipe dream because he's out-of-state.
但那可能是遥不可及的梦想 因为他来自州外
My vet knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
我的兽医在迈阿密有认识人 所以有可能去那里
But that's two blocks from the beach. It's a total party zoo.
但那里离海滩只有两条街 一定是轰趴动物园
- Hey. - Hey.
- 嘿 - 嘿
- Hi. - We found the girl!
- 嗨 - 我们找到那个女生了
- What? - Did you call the cops?
- 什么? - 有打电话给警察吗?
Nope. We took her to lunch.
没有 我们请她吃午餐
Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.
你们自己的私自执法方式
Are you insane? This woman stole from you!
你疯了吗?这个女人偷了你的东西
She stole! She's a stealer!
她偷东西 是小偷耶
After you're with this woman for 10 minutes, you forget all that.
跟她相处十分钟之后 你就会忘掉这些了
I mean, she's this astounding person...
她真的是个奇女子…
...with this amazing spirit!
振奋人心
Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader!
是啊 可能是从啦啦队员那里偷来的
- Take off their hats. - Popes in a Volkswagen!
- 把帽子脱掉 - 福斯车里的教宗
Mm-hm.
I love that joke.
我超爱那个笑话
- No way! No way did you do this! - Monana was very brave.
- 不可能 你不可能这么做 - 摩娜娜很勇敢
It was so wild.
超狂野的
We told them we were the Gunnersons in room 615...
我们跟他们说我们是 615号房的刚氏姐妹…
...only to find out the Boston Celtics had the entire sixth floor!
才知道波士顿的《塞尔蒂克队》包下整个六楼
So when they caught on to the fact that we're short and have breasts...
当他们发现我们很矮而且有胸部后
They threw us out. I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
就把我们轰出去 我被饭店赶出去 我耶
Go, Monana!
好样的 摩娜娜
Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream.
不是只有你们活在梦想中
I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up.
我得去为我不认识的人倒咖啡了 不用等我了
Oh, by the way...
噢 还有一件事…
...tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
我们明天要去参加百老汇的试镜
Excuse me?
什么?
There's an open call for Cats.
《猫》剧有一个缺额
I'm thinking we go down there, sing "Memories"...
我想说我们可以去演唱《回忆》…
...and make complete fools of ourselves. What do you say?
把自己当成傻子 你觉得如何?
No, no, no.
不 不 不
Remember who you're dealing with here. Ha.
要记得我是什么样的人
I'm not like you. I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
我不像你 我连站在踢踏舞教室前面都有困难
That's because of your Amish background.
那大概是因为你有孟诺教派的背景
- What? - Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?
- 什么? - 你是宾州的荷兰人 对吧?
Right.
Till I bought a blow dryer. Then I was shunned.
直到我买了吹风机 就被逐出村里
I was just like you.
我以前就跟你一样
And then one day, I saw a movie that changed my life.
然后有一天 我看了一部改变我一生的电影
- Did you ever see Dead Poets Society? - Uh-huh.
- 你有看过《死亡诗社》吗? - 嗯
I thought that movie was so incredibly...
我觉得那部电影超级…
...boring!
无聊的
I mean, that thing at the end where the kid...
最后那个孩子自杀…
...kills himself because he can't be in the play?
只因为不能参与话剧演出?
What was that?
搞什么?
It's like, "Kid, wait a year. Leave home, do some community theater!"
拜托 等个一年 离家参与社区话团演出不就行了
I walked out of there, and I thought:
我走出戏院后心想…
"Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back!"
"我浪费了永远拿不回来的两小时生命"
And that scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
那个想法震撼了我 让我及时行乐
Wow.
Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.
那我绝对不推荐你看《窈窕奶爸》
Oh, God.
天啊
We didn't get into Scranton.
我们进不了斯克兰顿
That was our safety zoo.
那是我们的保障动物园
They take, like, dogs and cows.
他们连狗和牛都收
See?
看吧
I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
我不懂是我还是他 比较难受
I'd say that chair's taking the brunt of it.
我想是那张椅子最难受
Marcel. Marcel.
马塞尔 马塞尔
Marcel, no.
马塞尔 不要弄了
Good boy!
好孩子
See? How can nobody want him?
看到了吗?怎么可能没人要他?
Somebody will.
会有人要的
You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
你们知道已经有位乔瑟夫•史达林了吗?
You're kidding!
你在开玩笑吧
Apparently, he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people!
显然他是个俄国独裁者 屠杀过很多人
- You'd think you would've known that! - You'd think I would've.
- 你会想说这种事应该知道的 - 你会想说我该知道的
Phoebe, what do you think a good stage name for me would be?
菲比 你觉得什么艺名适合我?
Flame Boy!
火焰男孩
Where exactly is your zoo?
你的动物园在哪里?
Well, it's technically not a zoo per se.
严格来说 它不能算是动物园
It's, uh, more of an interactive wildlife experience.
它比较像是互动的野生体验
Let me ask you some questions about... Is it, uh, Marcel?
让我问问你几个问题 他叫做马塞尔对吧?
- Yes. - Yes. Uh...
- 对 - 对…
Does he, uh, fight with other animals?
他会和其他动物打架吗?
No, no. He's very docile.
不会 他非常温驯
Hmm. Even if he were cornered?
即使被逼到角落去也一样吗?
Well, I don't know. Why?
嗯 我不太清楚 为什么问?
Um, how is he at handling small objects?
他掌控小东西的能力为何?
He can hold a banana, if that's what you mean.
他可以握住香蕉 如果你是这个意思的话
What about a hammer or a small blade?
铁槌或小刀呢?
Why would he need a blade?
他为什么会需要小刀?
If he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns...
如果他得面对猎豹或有角的动物…
...you got to give the little guy something.
总得给他点东西自我防卫吧
Otherwise, it's just cruel!
不然就太残忍了
He got into San Diego!
他能去圣地亚哥了
- What? - Yeah.
- 什么? - 对
We were coming back from our walk, and the phone was ringing...
我们散步回来后 电话响起
- He's in! - He's in? Ah!
- 他进了 - 他进了?
Did you hear that, Marcel?
你有听到吗 马塞尔?
San Diego! San Diego! Yeah!
是圣地亚哥耶 太棒了
You're making a mistake. San Diego's well and good...
你真的犯下大错 圣地亚哥的环境是很不错…
...but if you give him to me, I'll start him against a blind rabbit...
但如果你把他交给我 我会训练他对抗瞎眼的兔子…
...and give you 20 percent of the gate.
还给你百分之二十的门票收入
Yo-ho!
哟嚯
Where have you been?
你去哪里了?
Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.
摩妮卡和我跑去大使馆派对
Are you drunk?
你喝醉了吗?
No!
才没有
I'm lying.
我说谎
I am so drunk!
我超醉的
Oh, God!
天啊
Ugh. Great. You know what? You could have called.
太好了 你该打通电话回来的
I've been up here. I've been worried...
我一直在家里担心你
Monica.
摩妮卡
Monica?
摩妮卡?
Water rules!
水超棒的
Yes. Yes, it does.
是的 没错
The restaurant called. They want to know if you're showing up.
餐厅今天又打来了 他们想知道你会不会去上班
Nope!
不会
I'm going to the Big Apple Circus today.
我今天要去看大苹果马戏团
What are you doing? You're gonna lose your job. This is not you!
你在干嘛?你会失去你的工作 这一点都不像你
No, it is me!
不 这正是我
I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows...
我不只是那种必须拍松枕头…
...and pay the bills as soon as they come in!
帐单一来就立刻缴钱的人
You know, when I'm with her, I'm so much more than that!
我跟她在一起时 就不再是那样的人
I'm...
我是…
I'm Monana!
我是摩娜娜
Ahem, hello?
喂?
Yes, she is. Hold on a second, please.
她在 请稍等
Ahem, Monana, it's for you.
摩娜娜 找你的
The credit card people.
信用卡公司打来的
Hello?
喂?
Yes?
Oh, my God!
天啊
Thanks.
谢了
What?
怎么了?
They've arrested Monica.
他们逮捕摩妮卡了
纽约市矫正所
- Hi. - Hey.
- 嗨 - 嘿
How are you?
你还好吗?
I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my color.
还可以 幸好我喜欢蓝色
How did you know I was here?
你怎么知道我在这里的?
Because...
因为…
...I'm Monica Geller.
我是摩妮卡•盖勒
It was my credit card you were using.
你之前用的是我的信用卡
That I was not expecting.
这点我完全没料到
I want you to know, I didn't turn you in.
我想让你知道 报案的人不是我
Oh.
- Thanks. - No, thank you.
- 谢了 - 不 我才要谢谢你
You have given me so much.
你带给我太多东西了
If it wasn't for you, I'd never have gotten...
如果不是你 我永远无法…
...to sing "Memories" at the Winter Garden Theater.
在冬花园剧院演唱《回忆》
Actually, you only got to sing "Memo..."
其实你只开口唱了"回"而已
I can't believe you're in here. What am I gonna do without you?
我不敢相信你在这里 没有你我该怎么办?
Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me?
谁会跟我混进大使馆宴会?
Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus?
谁要带我去看大苹果马戏团?
Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of 25 other women...
摩妮卡 我每天早上都得在25个人面前尿尿…
...and you're worried about who will take you to the Big Apple Circus?
你却担心谁要带你去看大苹果马戏团?
Well, not worried, you know, just wondering.
也不是担心 我只是纳闷而已
There's nothing to wonder about.
没什么好纳闷的
You'll go back to being who you were because that's who you are.
你就回去过以前的生活 因为那才是真正的你
- Not necessarily. - Yes, necessarily.
- 也不尽然 - 就是这样
I don't know what it is.
我不知道是为什么
Maybe it's the Amish thing.
或许和你是孟诺教派的人有关
Um, I'm not actually Amish.
我其实不是孟诺教派的人
Really? Then why are you like that?
真的吗?那你为何那么像?
You by the door, in or out?
站在门边的那个 要不要加入?
In!
You in the back, you're getting it wrong!
后面的那个 你全都跳错了
At least I'm doing it!
至少我有在跳
This is the final boarding call for Flight 67 to San Diego...
这是飞往圣地亚哥 67航班的最后登机通知
...boarding at Gate 42A.
登机门为42A
Okay, goodbye, little monkey guy.
好 再见了 小家伙
- I wrote you this poem. - Aw.
- 我替你写了一首诗 - 啊
Okay, but don't eat it till you get on the plane.
但是上了飞机才能吃
- Thank you, Aunt Phoebe. - Aww.
- 谢谢你 菲比阿姨 - 啊
Okay, bye, champ.
好 再见了 好小子
There's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego...
我知道圣地亚哥有很多美眉…
...but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
但是记得要学的事情还很多
I don't know what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
罗斯 我不知道该说些什么 他是只猴子
Just say what you feel, Joey.
说出心里的感受就行了
Marcel, I'm hungry.
马塞尔 我饿了
That was good.
那很好啊
- Marcel, this is for you. - Oh.
- 马塞尔 这是给你的 - 哦
It's, uh, just, you know, something to, um...
这是… 你知道 让你…
...do on the plane.
在飞机上有事情做
If you don't mind, I'd like a moment, just me and him.
如果你们不介意的话 我想跟他独处一下
- Sure. - Of course. Absolutely.
- 好 - 当然可以
Oh.
Marcel, come here. Come here.
马塞尔 过来这边
Come here.
来吧
Well, buddy...
小子…
...this is it.
就这样了
There's just a couple of things I wanted to say.
我想说几件事
I'm really gonna miss you.
我会很想念你的
You know? And I'm never gonna forget about you.
我永远不会忘记你
You've been more than just a pet to me.
你对我而言 一直不只是只宠物
You've been more like a...
你更像是…
Okay. Marcel, would you...?
好 马塞尔 你可以…?
Marcel, would you leave my leg alone?
马塞尔 你可以不要弄我的脚吗?
Would you just stop humping me for two seconds? Marc... Would you...?
你能暂时不要乱来吗?马塞…?
Okay, would you just take him away? Just take him.
好 麻烦把他带走 带他走吧
O! That I were a glove upon that hand...
喔 希望我是你手上的手套…
...that I might touch thy cheek.
这样就能抚摸你的脸颊
That's fine. Thank you.
行了 谢谢
Next.
下一位
Hi. Uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.
嗨 我来试演马丘修的角色
- Name? - Holden McGroin.
- 你的名字? - 豪顿•麦鼠蹊