- Ross kissed me. - No!
- 罗斯吻了我 - 不会吧
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
It was unbelievable!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
We wanna hear everything.
Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone.
摩妮卡 你去拿酒 把电话拔掉
- Okay. - Rachel.
- 好 - 瑞秋
Does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
- Oh, it ended very well. - Oh.
- 超完美的结局 - 噢
Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Okay. All right. Let's hear about the kiss.
Was it like a soft brush against your lips...
or was it like a, you know, "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then...
Oh, God. And then we just sort of sunk into it.
Oh... So, okay, was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back?
No, actually, ahem, first they started out on my waist...
不 事实上 刚开始他手放在我腰上
and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
And then I kissed her.
- Yeah. - Cool.
- 没错 - 太酷了
∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘
∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ Like I've been there before ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
All right, check out this bad boy!
Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive...
built-in spreadsheet capabilities...
and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.
Oh, wait, here's one. Uh...
喔 等等 这里有一个
- Would you be willing to cook naked? - There's an ad for a naked chef?
- 你可以裸体煮菜吗？ - 有人要找裸体厨师吗？
No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked.
不 但如果你可以裸体煮菜 那或许就能裸体跳舞
- And then... - Mm.
- 然后呢… - 唔
- Hey. - Oh, so how'd you make out last night?
- 嘿 - 你昨晚亲热得怎么样？
That is funny. That is painfully funny.
Yeah, that's just painful.
Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.
Yeah, it was. But I get home, okay...
and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table...
and I think, "Oh, my God. What the hell am I doing?"
I mean, here I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman...
who I care about and who cares about me...
and am I just gonna throw all that away?
You got all that from saline solution?
Wait a minute. We're talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel.
等等 我们谈的是瑞秋 你跟瑞秋的事
Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for 10 years.
But now I'm with Julie.
You know? So it's like, me and Julie, me and Rachel.
Me and Julie, me and Rach...
- Hey, you. - How are you?
- 嘿 你好 - 你好吗？
Good. How are you?
- Good. Um... - Good.
- 很好 - 很好
- Hi, honey. - Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie?
- 嗨 亲爱的 - 嗨 茱莉 茱莉？
- Good. - Good.
- 很好 - 很好
So everybody's here.
Were you gonna play something?
- Oh. Well, actually... - Play it!
- 事实上… - 弹吧
- Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses. - What?
- 茱莉 我不知道你戴眼镜 - 什么？
Hello. Hi. Okay.
哈罗 各位好 可以了
This is a song, um, about a love triangle...
between three people I made up.
Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night."
[SINGING] There was a girl We'll call her Betty
And a guy Let's call him Neil
Now I can't stress This point too strongly
This story isn't real
Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one Who he loves truly?
Or will it be the one Who we'll call Loolie?
He must decide He must decide
Even though I made him up He must decide
Well, this is a nice résumé.
这履历写得很好 很好 很好
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH THEN CHUCKLES]
Uh, Mr. Rastatter, what does this job entail? The ad wasn't clear.
- I'm sorry? - Mockolate.
- 什么？ - 摩克力
It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.
- Well, go ahead, try a piece. - Oh.
- 你尝一块试试 - 噢
Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
- All right. - Ha, ha.
- 好的 - 哈哈
I love how it crumbles.
- You see, chocolate doesn't do that. - Ha-ha-ha. No, ma'am.
- 那是巧克力不会有的 - 是啊
Anyhoo, we should be getting our FDA approval any day now.
- Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. - Mm.
- 希望赶得上感恩节前上市 - 唔
See, the way we look at it, chocolate dominates...
your major food-preparation holidays. Easter, Christmas, what have you.
主要的年节市场 比如说复活节 圣诞节
- Mm-hm. - But we think given the right marketing...
- 唔 - 但我们相信只要有适当行销
we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
- Aren't you gonna swallow that? - Ha, ha.
- 你不吞下去吗？ - 哈
- Just waiting for it to stop bubbling. - Oh.
- 我在等泡泡消失 - 噢
Yeah. Isn't that great?
- Mm. - Ha-ha-ha.
- 唔 - 哈哈哈
Well, anyhoo, um...
这个 不管怎么 恩
we're looking for chefs who can create Thanksgiving-themed recipes.
See, I love creating new recipes, I love Thanksgiving, and, well, now...
我喜欢创作食谱 也喜欢感恩节 现在…
I love Mockolate.
- Really? - Mm.
- 真的？ - 嗯
Especially that aftertaste. You know, I tell you...
that'll last you till Christmas.
How about Mockolate mousse?
Okay, how about Pilgrim Mockolate mousse?
What makes it Pilgrim?
We'll put buckles on it.
- Hey. - Did Ross call?
- 嘿 - 罗斯有来电吗？
Why didn't he call?
He's gonna stay with Julie.
He's gonna stay with her and she'll be:
"Hi, I'm Julie. Ross picked me.
"嗨 我是茱莉 罗斯选择我
We'll get married and have lots of kids and dig up stuff together!"
No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.
I don't know what I'll do. What am I gonna do? This is like a complete nightmare!
Oh, I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no! Two women love me!
我知道这一定很难 "不要啊 有两个女人爱我
They're both gorgeous and sexy, my wallet's too small for my 50s...
and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
- Hey, here's a thought, Ross... - Don't ever touch the computer.
- 我想到了 罗斯… - 别碰我的电脑 别碰电脑
Ross, listen. I got two words for you:
罗斯 你听着 我有两个字送给你
Right, look. Let's get logical about this. We'll make a list.
好 我们理性一点 列张清单
"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons."
We'll put their names in bold with different fonts...
and I can use different colors for each column.
Can't we just use a pen?
Let's start with the cons because they're more fun.
Ha-ha-ha. Rachel first.
All right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.
I guess, you know, sometimes she's a little ditzy, you know?
And I've seen her be a little too into her looks.
Uh. Oh, and Julie and I have a lot in common...
because we're both paleontologists, right?
But Rachel's just a waitress.
Got it. You guys wanna play "Doom"?
Or we could keep doing this.
Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.
Okay, let's do Julie.
What's wrong with her?
Okay. This is pumpkin pie with a Mockolate crust.
This is Mockolate cranberry cake, and these are Mockolate-chip cookies.
Just like the Indians served.
"Oh, my God" good?
Oh, my God! I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth.
喔 天啊 我不敢相信你让我吃这种东西
Sweet Lord! Oh, this is what evil must taste like!
I'm telling you, this thing won't print.
Yes, I pressed that button, like, 100 times.
You know, for a hotline, you're not so hot.
What is that in the background?
Are you watching Star Trek?
So how'd it go with Julie? Did you break her heart?
It was horrible. She cried, I cried. She threw things, they hit me.
真是可怕 她哭了我也哭了 她丢东西 丢到我
I did the right thing.
So Spock actually hugs his father?
Hey, do you guys have...?
I just got back from, uh...
Uh, it's not what you think. Um...
It's the other thing.
Well, heh, ahem, what's the other thing? What do I think?
He broke up with Julie!
Well, go hug her, for God's sakes!
It's always been you, Rach.
- This is really good. - I know. I know.
- 真是太好了 - 我知道
What do you say we go take a walk? Just us. Not them.
- Okay. Let me get my coat. - Okay. No, hey, whoa, whoa.
- 我去拿外套 - 好的 不 嘿
I'll get your coat.
He's going to get my coat. He's going to get my coat, Joey!
Oh, my God, you guys, I can't believe this! This is unbelievable!
- What's that? - What? Nothing!
- 这是什么？ - 什么？没什么
- What? I saw my name. What is it? - No, no, see? See?
- 我看到我的名字 那是什么？ - 没有…没有看到 没有看到
Hey, it's printing!
Hey, it's printing!
What is it? Let me see!
Hey, someone order a coat?
Ross, Chandler wrote something about me and he won't let me see.
罗斯 钱德写了关于我的东西 但不让我看
He won't? He won't!
Because isn't that...
the short story you were writing?
Yes, it is a short story...
And I'm in it? Well, let me read it.
- Come on! - Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?
- 拜托 - 嘿 你何不念给她听？
- Rachel was there. - Eh?
- 瑞秋坐在那儿 - 呃？
A lonely gray couch.
'Oh, look! ' cried Ned.
And then the kingdom was his forever. The end!"
That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the world!
This isn't funny anymore.
There's something about me on that piece of paper, and I want to see it.
All right, you know what? Fine. If you guys wanna be children, that's fine.
好吧 你们要是这么幼雅的话 那就算了
- I do not need to see it! - Ha!
- 我不要看了 - 哈
- No, no, no. - Ah...
- 不不不 - 呃
Ross, what is this?
- Thank you. - Good luck.
- 谢了 - 祝你好运
Okay. Just remember how crazy I am about you, okay?
好吧 你只要记住 我有多爱你就行了 好吗？
Ahem. "Too into her looks"?
A little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little," the idiot!
"Just a waitress"?
I mean, as opposed to, uh...
The, um... Okay, is this over yet? Rach?
好吧 你饶了我吧 瑞秋？
Ah! I do not have chubby ankles!
No! I... No. Rach, Rach...
Okay, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.
"She's not Rachem"?
- No... - What the hell's a Rachem?
- 不… - "瑞球"是什么东西？
- No, no... - Is that some stupid paleontology word...
- 不 - 是古生物学家会用的蠢字眼
that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress?
No. Rach, come on! Rach...
Rach! Rach! No, no!
It's "She's not Rachel"! She's not...
那写的是"她不是瑞秋 " 她不是…
My diary. My diary! That's brilliant!
If I'd said it was my diary, she wouldn't have made me read it.
No, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.
I cannot believe Ross even made this list.
- I know. - What a dinkus!
- 就是说啊 - 真是个白痴
Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
- What? - What?
- 什么？ - 什么？
Oh, good. I was hoping that would come up.
- This was your idea? - What?
- 那是你的主意？ - 你在想什么？
Let's get some perspective here, okay? These things happen for a reason.
All right, Pheebs, back me up here. You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
菲比 帮我一下 你信因果轮回之类的鬼话 不是吗？
Yeah. Listen, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.
Hey! Uh, open up! Please?
When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means, "Go away."
That doesn't mean, "Climb up the fire escape."
I just want to read you something, your "Pro List."
"Number one: The way you cry at game shows. Aw.
Number two: How much you love your friends.
Number three: The way you play with your hair when you're nervous.
Number four: How brave you are for starting your life over.
Number five: How great you are with Ben.
Number six: The way you smell."
What are you doing?
Joey, you wanna open the window?
- What are you doing out there? - I'm, um...
- 你在外面干嘛？ - 我在…
My gosh, you must be freezing. You know what you need?
How about a nice, steaming cup of hot Mockolate?
Rach, come on, open up.
瑞秋 拜托 请开门
Rach, come on. Come on. You gotta give me another chance.
瑞秋 拜托 你得给我一个机会
- No? - That's what I said.
- 不要？ - 没有错
Maybe we should go.
No, you don't have to go. We're done talking.
不 不需要 我们讲完了
Rach, come on. I know how you must...
No, you don't, Ross.
不 你不懂 罗斯
Imagine the worst things you think about yourself.
Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world...
not only thinks them too...
but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
No, but see, I wanna be with you in spite of all those things.
Oh. Well, that's mighty big of you, Ross.
你还真伟大 罗斯 我说 别走
If things were the other way around, there is nothing you could put on a list...
that would ever make me not wanna be with you.
Well, then I guess that's the difference between us.
See, I'd never make a list.
I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this situation before you can talk.
Maybe a little longer.
In some of these recipes, the quantities may seem a little unusual.
Uh, like these coconut Mockolate holiday nut bars?
I've indicated four cups of coconut and four cups of crushed nuts...
and only one tablespoon of Mockolate.
Our FDA approval didn't come through.
Something about laboratory rats. Huh.
- Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. - Yeah. Well, anyhoo, here's your check.
- 我很遗憾 - 是啊 不过 这是你的支票
Thank you for all you went through.
Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
Oh, some. That's fine. Some's not a lot.
喔 吃一点没关系 没有很多就好
- Ha-ha-ha. - Okay.
- 哈哈哈 - 好吧
So it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down.
告诉他 我想接电话 但我的脚踝重到我走不动
Listen, I don't think this is the best time.
Look, can you do something for me?
The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross.
Rachel, he wants you to know he's sorry for what he did...
瑞秋 他想告诉你 他深感抱歉
and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him.
∮ See the stone set in your eyes ∮
∮ See the thorn twist in your side ∮
∮ Sleight of hand and twist of fate ∮
∮ On a bed of nails she makes me wait ∮
∮ And I'll wait without you ∮
Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel...
and she told us what Ross did.
It's pretty appalling. And, Ross, if you're listening...
那真是太可怕了 罗斯 如果你在听的话
I don't wanna play your song anymore.
Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance?
Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car...
and she hopes you two will work it out.
∮ In my room, in my room ∮
Hi. Thanks for coming in again.
Oh, not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash.
不客气 我没有良心 而且我需要现金
It's like I'm looking in a mirror. Ha-ha-ha.
Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios.
Now, they taste exactly like pistachios...
but they're made of reconstituted fish bits.
- All right. - You're not allergic to anything?
- 好的 - 你没对什么过敏吧？
- Uh, cat hair. - Oh, sorry.
- 猫毛 - 喔 对不起