Welcome, everybody. Welcome to Amazing Discoveries.
Oh, oh! It's on again.
Guys, could we please not watch this?
Folks, this ever happen to you? You go to get a nice glass of milk...
...but these darn cartons are so flinging, flanging hard to open.
Boy, you said it, Mike.
天啊 你说的对 麦克
- There's gotta be a better way. - And there is, Kevin.
- 一定有更好的办法 - 没错 凯文
- Can we please turn this off? - No way, Kevin.
- 可以把电视关了吗 - 想都别想 凯文
What if I told you there's a new product that guarantees...
...you'll never have to open up milk cartons again?
Meet the Milkmaster 2000.
- Intrigued? - You're flinging, flanging right I am.
- 有兴趣吗 - 我当然有兴趣
This is his first time. He's never used this.
You're gonna see how easy this is to do.
- This works in any milk carton. - Wow, it is easy. Ha, ha.
- 适用于所有牛奶纸盒 - 好简单
Now I can have milk every day.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# 纵有狂风暴雨 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# Like I've been there before #
# 支持一如往昔 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
It's official. There are no good movies.
So let's go to a bad one and make out.
Perhaps you would like me to turn like this so you can bunny-bump against my back?
- Hey, man. What's up? - Maybe you can tell me.
- 兄弟 怎么了 - 或许你能告诉我
My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at my audition today...
...the first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?
I'll tell you, I do enjoy guilt...
...but it wasn't me.
Yes, it was. It was him. Uh-huh.
- How was it you? - Well, it was all so crazy, you know?
- 为什么会是你 - 这真的很疯狂
Chandler was in the closet counting to 10 and was up to seven...
...and I hadn't found a place to hide yet.
Look, I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See? All of it.
听着 我打算跟你说 我都写在手上 看吧 真的
- Yep, that's my audition. - Yeah.
- 对 那的确是我的试镜 - 没错
See? Now, this is why I keep notepads everywhere.
Yep. And that's why we don't invite you to play.
What is the great tragedy here? Get yourself another appointment.
Well, Estelle tried. The casting director told her I missed my chance.
Well, that is unfair.
I'll call her. I'll tell her it was totally my fault.
You can't. The casting director doesn't talk to friends.
- She only talks to agents. - What a sad little life she must lead.
- 她只跟经纪人谈 - 她一定过着悲惨的生活
- What are you doing? What are you doing? - No, I know, I know. Ooh.
- 你在做什么 - 不 我知道
Hi, this is Caitlin from Phoebe Buffay's office.
Um, is, um, Anne there for Phoebe?
She'll know what it's about.
Hang up. Hang up right...
Annie? Hi. Listen, we've got a problem with Joey Tribbiani.
安妮 听着 乔伊•崔比亚尼有个问题
Apparently, he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office?
Estelle? I don't know what I'm gonna do with her.
So your husband leaves and burns down the apartment. The world does not stop.
就算你老公跑了 还烧掉房子 日子还是得过下去
Is anybody else scared?
If Joey loses this audition, then that is it for Estelle. I don't care.
如果乔伊无法试镜 那都是伊斯特的错 我不在乎
Annie, you are a doll. What time can you see him?
安妮 你太棒了 你何时能见他
Get the woman a pad. Get the woman a pad. A pad! A pad!
Oh, now you want a pad.
And here's his Barbie.
What's, uh...? What's my boy doing with a Barbie?
He picked it out at the toy store himself. He loves it.
He carries it everywhere, like a security blanket.
But with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Why does he have it again?
So he's got a doll. So what?
Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up to be...
...in show business.
This wouldn't have to do with the fact that he's being raised by two women?
You know what? It's fine. If you're okay with the Barbie thing, so am I.
你们知道吗 没关系 如果你们不反对洋娃娃 我也是
Give Daddy the Barbie. Give me the Barbie. Okay, how about...?
把洋娃娃交给爸爸 洋娃娃给我 好吧 要不要…
Don't you wanna play with a monster truck?
Ooh, ooh. How about a Dino-Soldier?
You are so pathetic.
Why can't your son just play with his doll?
I gotta go to work.
Has anybody seen my left boob?
I loved that movie.
Here it is. Joey, what are you doing?
原来在这里 乔伊 你在做什么
I'm sorry. It just felt nice.
Joe. Joe. Answer the phone.
I only got one arm. You should do stuff for me. Get me a sweater.
我只剩一只手 你得帮我服务 帮我拿毛衣过来
Just do it. It's Janice.
And if I get it, I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Oh, that's great. I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Last night at dinner, when the meals came...
...she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took all my tomatoes.
And that's bad...
...because you hate chicken piccata?
You didn't wanna share your tomatoes. Tomatoes are very important to you.
All of a sudden, we were this couple.
And this alarm started going off in my head.
"Run for your life! Get out of the building!"
为了你的人生 快跑 快离开这栋大楼
Ugh. Men are unbelievable. Janice thought she was giving you chicken.
What is it with you people?
The minute you feel something, you have to run away?
That's why I don't wanna go tonight. I'm afraid I'm gonna say something stupid.
Oh. You mean that guy thing where you act mean and distant...
...until you get us to break up with you?
Hey, you know about that?
What do I do? I wanna get past this.
I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing.
I wanna go through the tunnel to the other side.
Where there's no fear of commitment.
Do we have any thoughts here?
I've never been through the tunnel myself because...
...you're not allowed through with more than one girl in the car.
But it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else. Face your fear.
You have a fear of heights? Go to the top of the building.
You're afraid of bugs.
You have a fear of commitment.
So I say you go in there and you be the most committed guy there ever was.
Amazingly, that makes sense.
- Do you think? - Oh, yeah. Go for it, man.
- 你们真的那么想 - 对 冲啊 兄弟
Jump off the high dive.
Stare down the barrel of the gun. Pee into the wind.
Joe, if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun...
...I'm gonna be pretty much peeing every which way.
Ooh, it's your audition from this morning.
Can I use the phone?
Sure, that's what it's there for. Emergencies and, uh, pretend agents.
当然 那是电话的功能 供紧急事件跟假经纪人使用
Come on, baby. Come on.
Hi. I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page.
嗨 我是菲比•布非 请问哪位找
Okay, well, she's in her car. I'll have to patch you through.
好的 她在车里 我帮你接过去
- You got it. - Oh! You got it.
- 你被录取了 - 你被录取了
Um, will he work for scale, you ask me?
Well, I don't know about that.
Except that l do and he will.
Great. Oh, you are such a sweetheart.
I would love to have lunch with you.
How about we have lunch next...?
Oop, went through a tunnel. Ha, ha.
Oh, thank you so much.
It was really fun. I mean, I've never talked on a car phone before.
Oh. You are so amazing. Could you do me this huge favor?
There's this one other audition I want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
Uh, I don't know. It was fun one time, but...
我不知道 一次还蛮好玩的 可是…
Come on, please? It would just be this one more.
别这样 拜托 再一次就好
Well, actually it's two.
Well, really it's three.
Please? You're so good at it. I love you.
拜托 你真的很厉害 我爱你
Okay. But just these three, right?
好吧 就三次 对吧
So how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Because I wanted...
...to give you this.
Oh. Are you a puppy!
You never know what to say when someone you're sleeping with...
...gives you contact paper. Ha, ha.
Wait, there's more. See, the contact paper is to go...
等一下 还有一样礼物 看吧 壁纸贴少不了
...in your brand-new drawer.
See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Oh. You didn't have to do this.
Yes, I did. Because you're my girlfriend...
...and that's what girlfriends should get.
Oh. Well, I gotta buy a vowel...
...because, oh, my God. Mwah.
Who would've thought that someday...
...Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer?
But that's what's happened. And, uh, there's more.
We should take a trip.
Yup. We're a couple, and that's what couples do.
对 我们是情侣 情侣都会那么做
And I wanna meet your parents.
We should take a trip with your parents.
I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now.
- Are you okay? - No, I am.
- 你没事吧 - 我很好
Ha, ha. I actually am. This is amazing.
My entire life, I have feared this place.
And now that I'm here, it's like, what was the big deal?
I could probably say, "Let's move in together," and I'd be okay.
You probably want us to move in together?
- It doesn't scare me. - Yeah, well it scares me.
- 我不害怕 - 对 我害怕得要命
I'm not even divorced yet. You just invited me over here for pasta...
...and all of a sudden you're talking about moving in together.
And I wasn't even that hungry.
You know what? It's getting really late, and I should just, um...
你知道吗 已经很晚了 我该…
Don't go. I've scared you. I've said too much.
别走 我吓到你了 我说太多了
I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love.
Hey, Janice, it's me.
嘿 珍妮丝 是我
I wanted to apologize in advance for having chased you down the street.
Here you go, honey. This will help.
拿去吧 甜心 这应该会有帮助
So I catch up to her and she says...
...this relationship's going too fast and we have to slow down.
gh. That is never good.
...needy and clingy.
Now, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
等一下 或许没那么糟糕 你们是怎么分开的
She said she'd call me.
Ugh. Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
This ice cream tastes like crap, by the way.
Yeah, well, it's that low-cal, nondairy, soy-milk junk.
We save the real stuff for the truly terminal cases.
When you start getting screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
So you don't think I'm terminal?
Oh, no, not at all. You're not terminal. We just need some damage control.
当然 你不是无药可救 我们只是得做些损害控管
Okay. Okay. So should I call her?
It's a critical time. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone...
...you go shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath.
If you want her back, you have got to start acting aloof.
She has to know you're not needy.
So, what you have to do is...
...you have to accidentally run into her on purpose...
...and then act aloof.
So I'm not gonna lose her?
Oh, honey, you're not a total loser.
I said, so I'm not gonna lose her?
It's the toughest guy in Toyland, Ben.
Real American hero I'm G.I. Joe
Drop the Barbie. Drop the Barbie.
G.I. Joe? You really think he's gonna fall for that?
G.I. Joe? Cool. Can I play?
特种部队 酷啊 我能玩吗
Look, Ben. It's a toy that protects U.S. Oil interests overseas.
看吧 小班 他是保护美国海外石油利益的玩具
- Phoebe, there you are. - No, it's not. Sorry.
- 菲比 你来了 - 不 我走错门了 抱歉
But, Phoebe, wait, wait. Phoebe. Phoebe.
Oh, Joey. Oh, okay. See, I didn't recognize you...
乔伊 好吧 你穿那条裤子
...in those pants.
That TV movie I went in for, did you hear anything?
听着 我试镜的那部电视电影 有消息了吗
I think I got a shot at it.
Yes, they called. You didn't get it.
对 他们打电话来 你没被录取
Okay? I mean, you didn't get it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's okay. These things happen.
But they shouldn't happen. You know what?
You're in a terrible, terrible business.
I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that. Ugh.
Now you're sad and creepy.
You know what? I'm sorry. I quit, okay?
你知道吗 对不起 我不干了
No, no, no, you can't quit. You're the best agent I ever had.
不 你不能不干了 你是我最棒的经纪人
Look, rejection is part of being an actor. You can't take it personal.
听着 当演员你一定会被拒绝 你不能把它视为人身攻击
Not personal? They said they'd never met an Italian actor
with a worse Italian accent.
They actually said that?
Yeah. Oh, God, there's that face again. See? I can't do this job.
对 天啊 你又是那个表情 看吧 我没办法做这份工作
No, this is why you have to do this job.
Agents always lie.
Estelle just says stuff like, "They went another way."
But this? I can use this.
I can work on a new accent.
Yeah, okay. No. If it helps you, okay. Yeah.
好吧 如果那真的能帮助你 好
You'll never get me, Joe!
What are you doing here?
Uh, just a bit of shopping.
Are you being British?
Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood.
Were you here waiting for me?
I'm just, uh, you know...
...picking up some things for a party.
What kind of a party serves barley?
Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as sophisticated as yours.
- Where is this party? - Here in Chelsea.
- 派对在哪里举行 - 就在这里雀儿喜区
Whose party is it?
- A woman's. - What woman?
- 一个女人 - 哪个女人
Either you're seeing somebody behind my back...
好 这只有两种可能 要不是你背着我偷人
...which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet...
...or you're pretending you're seeing somebody...
...which just makes you so pathetic I could just start crying right here.
So which of these two guys do you wanna be?
Can I be that guy?
Okay, we got some more good rejections. Lots of stuff to work on.
好吧 我们又被正面拒绝了 很多地方需要改进
Okay. Um... Oh, the zoo commercial.
- I didn't get it? - No.
- 我没被录取 - 对
They said that you "weren't believable as a human being."
So you can work on that.
Great. What else?
Um, the off-Broadway-play people said that you were "pretty but dumb."
外百老汇舞台剧的人说 你很帅 可惜太笨了
No, wait, I'm sorry. That's "pretty dumb."
不 等一下 抱歉 应该是超级笨才对
Oh. Look, it's okay, no, no, no. Really.
听着 没关系 不 真的
...I really appreciate this, Pheebs...
...but I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Don't get me wrong. You're a better agent than she is...
别误会我 做起经纪人 你比她优秀多了
...but at least with her, I don't wanna blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Yeah, no, I understand.
对 不 我了解
- You do? Thanks. Okay. - Yeah.
- 是吗 谢谢 好吧 - 对
- Wait a minute. - What?
- 等一下 - 什么
Did you just make all that stuff up to get out of being my agent?
That's what I suspected.
And then I just, you know...
...threw the bag of barley at her and ran out of the store.
My God, Chandler, we said be aloof, not a doof.
天啊 钱德 我们要你高傲一点 不是要你当呆瓜
I've actually ruined this, haven't I?
It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
- Yeah, it is. - Okay.
- 没错 - 好吧
You know what? Everything's gonna be okay.
Can you hold on for a second?
I don't know. This is unprecedented.
If we ever did what you did, a man would never call.
I got it. Pretend you just woke up. That'll throw her off.
我知道了 假装你刚睡醒 那会把她气坏了
- Be sleepy. - Yes. And grumpy.
- 爱睡虫 - 对 慵懒一点
What are you...? Stop naming dwarves.
Hello, Janice. Hi.
喂 珍妮丝 嗨
I'm so glad that you called.
I know I've been acting really weird lately...
...and it's just because I'm crazy about you...
...and I just got stupid and scared...
...and stupid a couple more times.
He's so lucky. If Janice were a guy...
...she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
Ugh. It's so unfair.
Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys. That's the doll he chose.
What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Look, G.I. Joe's in, Barbie's out.
听着 特种部队来了 洋娃娃得闪一边
And if you guys can't deal with it, that's just your too bad.
What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbie. Big deal.
你干嘛这么紧张 他有洋娃娃 没什么了不起的
You used to dress up like a woman.
The way you used to dress up in Mom's clothes?
What are you talking about?
The big hat, the pearls, the little pink handbag?
大帽子 珍珠项链 粉红色小手提包
Okay. You are totally making this up.
How can you not remember?
You made us call you "Bea"?
I've literally never been this happy.
Wasn't there a little song?
Oh, please, God, let there be a song.
拜托 天啊 我们想听
There was no song. There was no song.
- I drink tea... - That's enough.
- 我会喝茶 - 够了
Won't you dance around with me?
Won't you dance around with...?