So, what happened? Did a forest tick you off?
You know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail.
Well, I started building one.
But then I decided to take it to the next step.
You're building a post office?
No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in.
不是 是一个娱乐专用柜 内含信件柜
- It's a one-day job, max. - Okay.
- 最多一天搞定 - 好吧
My word, those are snug.
Oh, yeah. These are my old work pants.
Power saw kind of got away from me there.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# 纵有狂风暴雨 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# Like I've been there before #
# 支持一如往昔 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
- Hey, Pheebs. - Hey.
- 嘿 菲比 - 嘿
- Any sign of your brother? - No, but he's always late, so...
- 你有见到你弟吗 - 还没 不过他老是迟到
- I thought you only met him once. - Yeah, I did.
- 你不是只见过他一次吗 - 是啊
I think it sounds, you know, big sister-y, "Frank's always late." So...
Oh. Well, relax. He'll be here.
Yeah, no, I know. I'm just nervous.
You know, it's just, you know, Mom's dead, don't talk to my sister...
...Grandma's been sleeping a lot lately.
It's just the "last desperate chance to have a family" kind of thing.
You're so sweet to wait with me.
Well, actually, Gunther sent me. You're not allowed to have cups out here.
Does anyone else think David Copperfield's cute?
No, but he told me he thinks you're a fox.
All right. Janice likes him.
In fact, she likes him so much, she put him on her, uh, freebie list.
We have a deal where we each pick five different celebrities we could sleep with...
...and the other one can't get mad.
Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship:
Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
诚实 尊重 与名人上床
So, Chandler, who's on your list?
Uh, Kim Basinger...
...Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry...
...and Jessica Rabbit.
Ahem. Now, you do realize that she is a cartoon and way out of your league?
I know. I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
Hey, Monica, who would yours be?
First I need a boyfriend. Then I can have a list.
It's just a game, Mon.
Rach, how about you?
Oh, I don't know. I guess Chris O'Donnell, John F. Kennedy Jr...
不知道 也许是克里斯•欧唐纳 小约翰•甘乃迪
...Daniel Day-Lewis, Sting and Parker Stevenson.
丹尼尔•戴路易斯 史汀 和派克•史蒂文森
- Peter Parker. - Thank you.
- 是彼得•帕克 - 谢谢
What about you, honey? Who'd be on your list?
I... Oh, that kind of thing requires some serious thought.
First, I'll divide my prospective candidates into categories.
Everybody, this is Frank. This is my half brother, Frank.
各位 这是法兰克 我的同父异母弟弟 法兰克
- This is everybody. - Hey.
- 这是大家 - 嘿
- This is Ross. - Hi, how are you?
- 这是罗斯 - 你好
- Chandler. - Hi.
- 这是钱德 - 嗨
- Hey. - Hi, hi, hi.
- 嘿 - 嗨
- And this is Rachel. - Hi.
- 这是瑞秋 - 嗨
I'm gonna get coffee for us.
Hey, how do you guys get anything done? Ha, ha.
We don't, really.
Well, so do you guys have big plans?
Oh, yeah. We're gonna, like, connect and, you know, bond and everything.
I was thinking we could go down to Times Square and pick up some ninja stars.
Oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
You know, we really don't take advantage of living in the city.
Oh, sorry. Did I get you?
No, you didn't get me.
It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill me!
那可是电钻 你要是钻到我 你就已经杀死我了
Calm down. Do you want this unit or not?
I do not want this unit.
Well, you should've told me before. I'm not a mind reader.
And we're out of beer. Okay, I'm going to Monica's.
Hey. Where you heading in those pants? 1982?
嘿 你穿这样要去哪里 穿越时空吗
Oh, Monica, listen...
...I saw down at the hardware store they got those designer tiles on sale...
...if you wanna redo your bathroom floor.
What's wrong with my bathroom floor?
Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's all.
- I highly doubt that. - Oh, yeah?
- 没有这回事 - 是吗
If you move your hamper, you can see the color the tile used to be.
I can't live like this. What are we gonna do?
Relax, relax. Here, hold this.
This old stuff comes right up. I'll show you.
A little more than I wanted to see.
Look at that. Every inch of this is glued down.
It'd take forever to pry this up. You should, uh... You should just leave it.
I can't leave it. You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.
You know, we can put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon.
- What? - Yeah.
- 什么 - 是啊
I know what I wanted to ask you. Can you roll your tongue?
Because I can and my mom couldn't.
And I thought, you know... I figured that was something I got from our dad.
- Well, wait, you mean like this? - Yeah.
- 等一下 你是说这么做 - 对
Yeah, you can do it too. Yeah.
You're not doing it.
Oh, right, okay. Yeah, my mom could and I can't.
好吧 所以是我妈会 我不会
So we don't have that.
- When's your birthday? - February 16th.
- 你的生日是哪一天 - 2月16日
I know a guy who's the 18th.
- When's yours? - October 25th.
- 你的生日呢 - 10月25日
That's the same month as Halloween.
So, what kind of things do you like to do at home?
- Okay, I've got three of my five. - Three of your five what?
- 好 我已经挑了三个 - 三个什么
Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
God, you are giving this a lot of thought.
Hey, it's hard, okay? I only have two spots left.
很难挑 好吗 我只剩两个空缺
All right. Who you got it narrowed down to?
Okay. Ahem. Elizabeth Hurley.
- Ooh, very attractive. - Yeah.
- 很迷人 - 是啊
Eh, you know what? She's too political.
She probably wouldn't let you do it unless you donated four cans of food first.
And Isabella Rossellini.
Ooh. Very hot. Very sexy.
But, uh, you know, she's too international. She's never gonna be around.
- So? - So you gotta play the odds.
- 所以呢 - 所以你得挑可能性大一点的
Pick somebody who's gonna be in the country, like, all the time.
Yeah. Because that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini. Geography.
对啊 你之所以搞不定伊莎贝拉 因为地理因素
Okay, so by "melting," you meant melting.
- So is it, like, art? - Yeah, you can melt art.
- 这是艺术吗 - 要烧艺术品也可以
Hey, can I use your phone?
- Yeah, sure. You wanna call your mom? - No, I wanna melt it.
- 当然 你要打给你妈 - 不是 我想拿来烧
Oh. Well, um, not right now.
You know what? I'm just gonna go to bed. The fumes are giving me a headache. So...
- What kind of karate is that? - No kind.
- 那是什么空手道 - 什么都不是
He just makes it up.
- So how's it going with you guys? - So far it kind of blows.
- 你们处得怎样 - 到目前为止很糟
I don't know, I just thought, you know, that he'd feel more like a brother.
Like you and Ross. Just close and connected and...
Oh. We're close now, but you wouldn't believe the years...
现在是很亲 但是你不会相信 在以前…
...of noogies and wedgies and flying wedgies and atomic wedgies and...
That's when the waistband actually goes over your head.
We drove each other crazy playing the shadow game.
- How do you play the shadow game? - How do you play the shadow game?
- 怎么玩影子游戏 - 怎么玩影子游戏
- I just asked you. - I just asked you.
- 我在问你啊 - 我在问你啊
I don't have time for this.
- No, that is what the game is. - Well, you just gave up really quickly.
- 这个游戏就是这么玩 - 你放弃得真快
- Have you seen Joey? - What's the matter?
- 有看到乔伊吗 - 怎么了
It's my fault, really, because the couch is where we usually keep the varnish.
Hey, somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles?
- What's going on? - He's retiling my floor.
- 发生什么事 - 他在帮我重铺地板
Yo, spackle boy.
- Get up. - Ah-ah. You started this, you will finish it.
- 给我起来 - 你要有始有终
He started mine first.
Build the unit, Cinderellie. Lay the tile, Cinderellie.
灰姑娘 去钉柜子 灰姑娘 去铺瓷砖
Oh, my God. I totally forgot.
Well, can't someone else do it?
But I have company.
Yeah, no, look, that's all right. I'll come in. Okay.
Um, I'm really sorry, but I have to go into work.
It's one of my regulars. He's insisting that I do him, so...
Hey, what kind of work do you do?
I'm a masseuse. I give people massages and stuff.
You work at one of those massage parlors?
Well, you know, we don't call it that. But, yeah.
No, I had no idea. Ha-ha-ha.
I'll be back in a little bit. Unless you wanna come with me.
You mean, like, watch?
No. No, you can get one yourself. It'll be on the house.
不 你也可以享受服务 而且是免费招待
You know, what are big sisters for? Ha, ha.
Well, I don't think this. You know?
No, no, no. I wouldn't do you myself.
I mean, that would be weird.
Yeah. I'll get one of the other girls to do it.
Ooh, this is so much fun. Yay! Ha, ha.
- Are you excited? - Yeah.
- 你觉得兴奋吗 - 是啊
Hey, do Monica and Rachel work there?
It's like the first bathroom floor there ever was.
What are you going in there for?
You want, like, a number?
- Hey. - Hi. Bye.
- 嘿 - 再见
Okay. I'm done with my choices.
- Well, it's about time. - Yeah. Very official.
- 终于 - 对啊 好正式
Oh, yeah. Well, you know, Chandler printed it up on his computer.
And who laminated it?
All right, let me see. Ahem.
"Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurley...
"邹玛•舒馒 薇诺娜•瑞德 伊莉莎白•赫莉
Hey, it's my list.
Okay, honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice?
- Oh. What? Whoa. - Ow, you know? Ow.
- 怎样 - 你知道吗
- Hey, hey, what's going on? - She broke my arm.
- 怎么了 - 她扭断了我的手臂
- He touched my fanny. - No, she touched mine first.
- 他摸我的屁股 - 是她先摸我的
So wait, what's the deal?
I can have sex with you but I can't touch you?
- You can't have sex with her. - Did you think I was a hooker?
- 你不能和她做爱 - 你以为我是妓女
No, okay. I know. You're a masseuse. It's cool. I'm not a cop.
不 我知道你是按摩师 没关系 我不是警察
Can you ask Mr. Wiffler if he can wait for, like, five minutes?
So that's what you thought I did? God.
That's not what I do.
Wait, that... Wait, that's not what you do?
Why would you think that?
I don't know. I mean, you know... This is the city, you know? I just...
Whatever. It's the perfect end to the perfect weekend anyway.
No, you're right. No, it was perfect.
I can't believe that I screwed it up so bad.
You really thought it was perfect?
Well, no, maybe it wasn't perfect...
...but, you know, it was pretty cool, you know?
Because we had all those great talks, you know?
Which ones in particular were great for you?
Well, you know, about the tongue thing, you know?
And how I told you about my likes and my dislikes.
How I like to melt stuff and how I dislike stuff that doesn't melt.
You know, I feel like I can really talk to you...
...because, you know, you're my sister, you know?
Yeah. I guess I do. Yeah.
And then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at me.
Yeah, well, I wasn't hopping mad, you know?
You hopped a little bit.
Yeah, I'm really sorry. You know, I'm really...
Well, this is my favorite part of the weekend. Right now. This.
Oh, come on. We went to Times Square.
We found ninja stars. I almost get my arm broken by a hooker...
She's not a hooker.
Well, when I tell my friends about her, she will be.
Why don't we just go on two?
- Why two? - Because it's faster.
- 为什么是二 - 因为这样比较快
Yeah, I could've counted to three four times without all this two talk.
- All right, but in the future... - Okay. Heavy thing not getting lighter.
- 好 但是以后… - 好了 不要废话 这东西没变轻
- So we are going with two? - All right.
- 所以要数到二吗 - 好吧
Oh, good job, Joe.
Yeah. Yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller.
Maybe my ruler's wrong.
Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
Look, it's not that bad.
So what? It blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
那又怎样 挡你的门一点点 我的一点点
I got a better idea.
How about it blocks none of my door and a lot of your door?
Listen, before I forget, that side is still wet.
Okay, ahem, let me just see if I've got this right.
So this is a half-caf, double-tall, easy-hazelnut...
这是咖啡因减半 双倍中杯 少许榛果糖浆…
...nonfat, no foam, with whip, extra-hot latte, right?
无脂 无泡沫 加鲜奶油的特烫拿铁 对吧
- Thank you. Ahem. - A coffee to go, please.
- 谢谢 - 一杯咖啡外带
Are you serious? Oh, my God.
Damn. I cannot believe I took her off my list.
Why? Because otherwise you'd go for it?
You don't think I'd go up to her?
Ross, it took you 10 years to finally admit you liked me.
Yeah? Well, missy, you better be glad that list is laminated. Heh.
You know what, honey? You go ahead. We'll call her an alternate.
这样吧 你放马过去 就当她是候补人选
- Okay. Hold my cruller. - Okay.
- 好 帮我拿 - 好吧
Rach, are you really gonna let him do this?
Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella Rossellini.
I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.
Um, you don't know me, but I'm a big, big fan of yours.
I mean, um, Blue Velvet. Whoo.
I was wondering if I could maybe buy you a, um, cup of coffee.
Or reimburse you for that one.
Aren't you with that girl over there?
But that's okay. See, we have an understanding.
See, we each have this list of five famous people...
...and you were one of mine.
So I'm allowed to sleep with you.
No, no, no. It's flattering.
- I don't know... - No, no, no. Wait. Wait, Isabella.
- 我不是很确定… - 等一下 伊莎贝拉
Don't just dismiss this so fast.
I mean, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
- Um, yes. - Can I see it?
- 是啊 - 我可以看吗
- Um, no. - Come on.
- 不行 - 让我看吧
I'm not on the list.
Um, see, but that's not the final draft.
Um, okay, see, you were on my list.
But then my friend Chandler...
...brought up the very good point that you are international.
So I bumped you for Winona Ryder. Local.
You know, it's ironic, because I have a list...
...of five goofy coffeehouse guys...
...and yesterday, I just bumped you for that guy over there.
We're just gonna be friends.
Betcha I could fit in there.
I got 5 bucks says you can't.
Get out your checkbook, mister.
Oh, I think I have the cash.
I'm out five big ones.
Oh, well, hello, Mr. Lincoln.
Better luck next time, buddy.
And the drinks are on me.