Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?
Joey stuffing fifteen Oreos in his mouth.
Your personal best! Ha, ha.
I met this girl on a train going to a museum upstate.
- Which museum? - How'd you meet her?
- 哪间博物馆？ - 你是怎么认识她的？
No. Answer his.
We were at the back of the train.
I sat near the door so she'd have to pass by me...
...if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Were you so late because you were burying this woman?
I'm late because she lives in Poughkeepsie.
She seems great, but she's two and a half hours away.
How can she be great if she's from Poughkeepsie? Ha-ha-ha.
That joke would have killed in Albany.
Who's stupid now?
Look! They're lighting the big Christmas tree tonight.
Um, that paper is two weeks old.
Who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?
I really wanted to take Kathy to this.
At least you have somebody to miss stuff with.
I hate being alone this time of year.
Next it's Valentine's Day...
...then my birthday, then bang!
Then they're lighting that damn tree again.
You know, I want a man!
It doesn't even have to be a big relationship. Just a fling!
I didn't think girls ever just wanted a fling.
Let me tell you, it's been a long time since I've been flung.
I know what I'm giving you for Christmas.
There are nice guys in my office. Want me to set you up?
I've been single a long time. Why haven't you offered before?
I have a girlfriend. I'm happy.
I no longer go out of my way to stop others from being happy.
And no one from "legal." I don't like boring jobs.
And Ross was what? A lion tamer?
Everybody at work still hates me.
I was making headway.
Everyone was smiling at me, and then I get off work...
...and find out they wrote this on my chef's hat.
Maybe they meant to write "Quiet, Bitch."
也许他们想写的是 "婊子 快住嘴"
Fine! Just trying to be nice.
I haven't been picked on this much since kindergarten.
And they brought in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me.
They're trying to make me quit. If it were any other job, I would.
But I've waited for this my whole life.
Wait, you're the boss. Yell at them. Or fire them!
等等 你是老大 你为什么不吼他们 或干脆炒了他们？
I would love to, but I can't. I'm not good at confrontation.
You know what you can do?
I read about this director, Orson Welles...
...who, at the beginning, would hire somebody just to fire them.
在片子开拍前 都会刻意花钱请一个人 目的就是当着大家的面开除他
Then they would all know who was boss.
I'm not doing anything. Why not fire me?
It's a good idea. Can you waiter?
Good enough to get fired.
All right. You're hired!
That's why I got fired last week! Does Orson Welles direct commercials?
I say, Drew? Are you seeing anybody right now?
I'm not asking for me.
I'm not gay. I'm not asking you out.
I didn't think you were gay.
My friend, Rachel, wants to be set up.
I just got out of a big relationship.
I'm not looking to get serious.
That's okay. A fling might be all right with her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this "Hot Rachel" that you took to the Christmas Party?
By the way, that is her full name.
Wow! I'm free for her.
Wait, I didn't say I wasn't free.
Let's talk it over at the Ranger game.
Hold on. I just got a box of Cubans.
I'll bring them by your office at 5.
That's a little later than I usually stay, but sure.
Before the game, we could enjoy some eight-year-old Basil Haydens.
I don't know what that is, but let's!
I'm writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it?
Happy Hanukkah, Monica
May your Christmas be snowy, Joey
Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross
钱德 罗斯 新年快乐
Spin the dreidel, Rachel
- Pheebs, that's great! - Oh, yay!
- 真好听 - 噢 是的
But you know, uh, Rachel doesn't rhyme with dreidel.
I know, but it's so hard. Nothing rhymes with your stupid name!
我知道 但是要找跟你那笨名字 押韵的东西太难了
What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel:
Bagel, mail, jail, bail, cable.
如 贝果 信件 监狱 保释金 第四台…
All good. Thanks.
Um, do you, maybe, have a nickname that's easier to rhyme?
- Didn't your dad call you "Pumpkin"? - Oh, yeah.
- 你爸以前不是常叫你小南瓜吗？ - 是啊
But did he ever call you "Budolph"?
- Hello, children. - Hey.
- 大家好 - 嘿
Have I got the 50 guys for you!
I showed them your picture.
Guys are throwing themselves at me and giving me stuff.
他们就穷拍我的马屁 请我喝酒 送我东西
- Knicks tonight? - Where are the seats?
- 今晚想不想看《尼克队》的球赛？ - 当然 第几排？
Wherever! I've got 20.
Will I like any of these guys?
You know, I'm going to, uh...
...play the field a little bit more. - Chandler...
- 观察一阵子 - 钱德
Guys are signing over their 401 Ks to me.
You work with robots?
One guy, Patrick, you'll like him. He's nice, funny and a swimmer.
你一定会喜欢我同事派崔克 他人好 风趣 还是个游泳高手
I like swimmers' bodies.
His dad made the magnetic strip on credit cards.
I like credit cards!
I'm not bad at this!
- What does he do? - He works in fine foods.
- 他是做什么的？- 他在美食部上班
- You have a fine foods division? - It's a big company...
- 你们公司有美食部？ - 敝公司很大…
Now, wait a second. You make food and robots?
No, the robots just work for them.
All right, I'm going to work.
Does anybody have a problem with that?
I'll give you a problem!
What will you do? Fire me?
You bet your ass I'll fire you!
I should go. I've got a date.
You know the girl who lives in Poughkeepsie?
This is someone else.
I can't decide between the two.
The one from Poughkeepsie, though two hours away, is pretty...
波基普西那个女孩 虽然住得远 但漂亮
...really smart and a lot of fun.
But this other girl, she lives right uptown.
She's just as pretty.
I guess she's smart.
If she's no fun, why date her at all?
I want to give her a chance. She lives so close.
And, at the end of the date, she said something that...
...if she was kidding, was very funny.
If she wasn't kidding, she's not fun. She's stupid and racist.
否则她不仅无聊 愚蠢 又有种族歧视
How was your first day at the restaurant?
What happened to your fancy jacket?
I can't take this anymore.
- I'm going to fire you tonight. - You got it. Oh, oh!
- 我今晚就要开除你 - 没问题
What are you doing?
You're still on fire there.
I think you got it!
Chandler, you have the best taste in men.
Like father, like son.
Patrick and I had such a great time last night!
This could, maybe, get serious.
I thought you weren't looking for serious. Just a fling?
Well, you know, possibly.
You didn't tell him that, though, right?
You told this guy that I was looking for a fling?
- You don't tell him that! - Why not?
- 你怎么能告诉他？- 为什么不行？
I'd be thrilled if some hot girl...
You telling him I want a fling and me putting out...
...he's so going to get the wrong idea!
Joey, could you pass the cheese?
I'd prefer you didn't call me Joey.
I thought it might be fun to try out a cool nickname.
Here's your tips from Monday and Tuesday.
There's $300 in this one.
People get generous around the holidays.
And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.
Could the waiters listen to the specials?
There's Chilean sea bass with a mango relish...
Why is nobody writing these?
We can remember them.
Because you'll make up fake specials and make me cook them?
Forget the specials for a minute. Um, here's the thing...
For the last two weeks I have, uh...
...tried hard to create a positive atmosphere.
But I've had it up to here.
From now on, it is going to be my way...
...or the highway. All right?
Does anybody have a problem with that?
I said, does anybody have a problem with that?
He has a name. It's Dragon.
You want to know your name? Check your hat.
We did the hat, right?
- What the hell just happened? - I am so sorry.
- 刚刚那是怎么回事？ - 真的很抱歉
I was going to do it.
But I was standing there with $327 in one hand...
...and $238 in the other. And I was thinking...
...it's been a long time since I had...
...327 plus $238!
We had a deal! It's why you're here. I've got to fire you!
And I got to pay rent!
How about you don't fire me.
Instead, I stay. I gain their trust.
They'll listen to the nice things I say about you.
Nothing yet. They hate you, and I want to fit in.
还没有 他们讨厌死你了 我想跟他们打成一片
Happy Hanukkah, Chandler and Monica, Merry, merry...
钱德 摩妮卡 光明节快乐… 圣诞…
You know what, Pheebs?
I'm not Jewish so...
Ross doesn't decorate his tree with floss...
...but he's not complaining.
I wasn't sleeping.
What was Phoebe's song about?
It's the one with the cat.
I got to go. I've got another date.
Did you pick one yet?
It turns out the one from uptown was making a joke.
没有 上城区那个女孩 那次的确在开玩笑
It was a different joke. It wasn't that funny.
So I'm still torn.
You don't like the one from uptown.
And you're exhausted from dating Poughkeepsie.
Just end them both!
Go to Poughkeepsie and break up with her.
Then break up with uptown.
By the time you get home, you're done!
You're right. Thank you.
I had a similar problem when I lived in Prague.
- Prague? - So much you don't know.
- 布拉格？- 我的事你不知道的可多了
Patrick just, uh, ended things with me.
Did you or didn't you tell him I wanted a serious relationship?
I did! I absolutely did!
I'm sure you're right. But why?
You don't tell a guy that you want a serious relationship.
Now you scared him away!
I am sorry. I am so sorry.
You should never be allowed to talk to people!
Now I'm right back where I started.
Being alone sucks!
You'll meet somebody.
You're a great catch!
When I told those guys about you, I didn't have to lie once.
- Really? - Yeah.
- 真的吗？- 真的
You graduated magna cum laude, right?
I got tickets to the Ranger game. You want to come with me?
Cute guys in little shorts?
Actually, it's a hockey team. Angry Canadians with no teeth.
今晚是冰上曲棍球赛 你只能看到 没牙的暴躁加拿大佬
That sounds fun too. Thank you.
Have you ever been with a woman?
What is the matter with you?
There is no good time to ask that question.
The station is Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie!
I need more swordfish.
- Can you get me more swordfish? - I don't speak English.
- 能不能再拿点鱼来？- 我不讲英文
I don't know what to tell you.
Let me out, please.
And covered in marinara sauce!
You found that handle, did you?
- It's not funny. - Well, that's not true.
- 不好笑 - 怎么不好笑？
I'm a good person. And I'm a good chef.
And I don't deserve to have marinara sauce all over me!
If you want me to quit this bad then...
You know that speech you made?
I got a problem with it!
- You do? - You bet I do!
- 是吗？ - 没错
I just, uh, wasn't listening then, that's all.
If you want a problem, I'll give you a problem!
What are you going to do? Fire me?
You bet I'll fire you! Get out of my kitchen!
Anybody else got a problem?
How about you, chuckles?
You think this is funny now?
What if I dance covered in sauce? You think it's funny?
No, it's really good.
Take those salads to table four.
And you, get the swordfish!
Last stop, Montreal. The stop is Montreal!
I bet myself that you had beautiful eyes.
Now that I see them, I win!
We're at my stop. Would you like to have coffee?
Are we really in Montreal?
So you live in Montreal?
No, but it's only a two-hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
不 我住新斯科细亚 坐渡轮两小时就到了
I should have thought about my wife and kids...
...before I talked back to Chef Geller.
It will be a lean Christmas at the Dragon house this year.
Went to the store Sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends All kinds of crap
Said all you need is To write them a song
Now you haven't heard it yet So don't try to sing along
No, don't sing along
Have a happy Hanukkah
He said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey
Christmas will be snowy
And Rachel and Chandler
Happy holidays, everybody!