Oh. Uh, hey, Rach. I was just coming over here to, uh...
Oh, wait, I don't have to lie to you, you don't live here anymore.
I'm eating their food. What are you doing?
Ross is on a date with my sister.
They shut the drapes two and a half hours ago.
Whoa, I didn't know we could date your sister.
Joey, we know you steal our food.
Oh, are the drapes still closed?
Yeah. Who should've shut their drapes is that perverted couple two doors over.
对 其实隔两户的变态老夫妇 才应该拉窗帘
- Is that a swing? - Oh, don't even ask.
- 那是秋千吗？ - 不要问
I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister.
When Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for 10 years.
- That was like five years ago. - Yeah, you got five years left.
- 那才5年前的事 - 对 还有5年
- Joey... - You wanna make it six?
- 乔伊... - 你想再加1年吗？
Oh, Ross, hey. Hi, how are you? There you are.
Can I get a cup of coffee?
So how was your big date last night?
Uh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun.
- It was fun? - Yeah.
- 是吗？ - 对啊
So, uh... So did you guys hit it off?
- I guess so. - So, uh... So did anything happen?
- 应该吧 - 所以你们有怎样吗？
Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes. Heh.
No, no, nothing happened.
I shut the drapes to show her slides of my favorite fossils.
So really nothing happened.
Something could've happened, all right? She really dug my slides.
- Mm. - And she was definitely giving me the vibe.
- 嗯 - 而且她绝对有对我放电
Was it the "Please don't show me another picture of a trilobite" vibe?
If she wasn't into me, why would she ask me out again?
- She asked you out again? - Yeah, uh-huh.
- 她又约你了？ - 对
- Tomorrow night. - Hmm.
- 明天晚上 - 嗯
Valentine's Day. The most romantic day of the year.
Who knows what could happen?
I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what...
到时我扛窗帘 或许不是要放幻灯片 你懂吧
Okay, okay, okay, I got it, I got it.
I can't... I can't go with the you-and-my-sister thing.
I just can't. It's just too weird, all right?
我就是不能 那样太奇怪了 好吗？
I imagine the two of you together, I freak out.
It just freaks me out, and I can't do it.
我会疯掉 我受不了 我受不了
Okay, okay, okay. No... Yes. It's okay.
Hey, it's too weird for you. I won't see her again.
- Thank you. I... Yeah. - I mean, after tomorrow night.
- 谢谢你 - 我是说过了明晚之后
No, no, no. Please, Ross. I can't do it. It's gonna freak me out.
不不不 求求你 我受不了 我真的会捉狂
Okay. I'll tell her tonight I can't see her anymore.
好 我今晚就告诉她 我不能再跟她见面
- You want me to call her right now? - Oh, no. No, no, no.
- 你要我现在打给她吗？ - 不用...
I mean, come on, that's craz... I mean, that's crazy.
So, what's going on with you? What is going on with you?
- I may teach another class this semester. - Yeah, do it now. Call her right now.
- 我这学期可能会再开堂课 - 好 现在就打给她
- This is my favorite part. - Yeah, me too.
- 我最喜欢这段了 - 我也是
Oh, you know what's sadder than this? Bambi.
I cried for three days with that movie. No, wait, two.
那部片让我哭了3天 不 是2天
Because on the third day, my mother killed herself, so I was partly crying for that.
Well, see, now, that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon.
You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?
Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.
There's nothing wrong with crying. You don't have to be so macho all the time.
钱德 哭没什么不对 你不必老是那么男子汉
I don't know what I was thinking.
I guess I just never really cried, you know? I'm not a crying kind of guy.
Come on, man, there's gotta be something that gets you choked up.
What if you saw a three-legged puppy?
I'd be sad, sure, but I wouldn't cry.
Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me, Chandler.
All the other puppies pick on me."
Cry? I just found a talking puppy. I'm rich.
Oh. I've got it. I have got it. Pictures from your childhood.
This will get you going good.
- All right, what's going on there? - Oh, that's Parents' Day, first grade.
- 那张是什么？ - 那是一年级的家长会
That's me with the janitor, Martin.
- Where are your parents? - Oh, they didn't wanna come.
- 你爸妈呢？ - 他们不想去
- Oh, Chandler. - You poor thing.
- 钱德 - 好可怜喔
So that story doesn't make you cry?
No. Look, I don't cry. It's not a big deal, okay?
不会 我就是不会哭 这没什么 好吗？
No. It's not okay. It's not okay at all.
不 不好 一点也不好
You're dead inside.
- Excuse me. - Yeah?
- 请问一下 - 什么事？
- Are you Phoebe Buffay? - Yeah.
- 你是菲比布非吗？ - 是
Can I get your autograph? I'm your biggest fan.
Oh, you're my biggest fan? I've always wanted to meet you. Hi. Ha, ha.
- Sure, yeah. - Wow.
- 没问题 - 哇
I just wanna say I think you're really talented.
You're just saying that because you're my biggest fan.
Joey, listen, take good care of that guy. He's a fan.
乔伊 好好招呼那个人 他是个影迷
So you saw me on Days of Our Lives, huh?
You want me to do a little Dr. Drake Ramoray for you?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
But I just got Phoebe Buffay's autograph.
- Oh. You're Phoebe's fan. - Oh, yeah. I've seen all her movies.
- 你是菲比的影迷 没错 - 她的电影我都看过
- Movies? - That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
- 电影？ - 那是菲比布非 AV巨星
- I don't think so. - No, no, it was.
- 不是吧 - 是
She was in Sex Toy Story 2...
Lawrence of a Labia.
And I got her autograph.
The guys at the comic-book store aren't gonna believe this.
Hey, don't let that guy in here anymore. He just said Phoebe's a porn star.
Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good.
You should check out Inspect Her Gadget.
You'll never believe what just happened.
Ross totally blew me off and didn't even tell me why.
Oh, well. You know what, honey?
The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else.
Oh. Oh, there is this great guy you will just love at work named Bob.
He's a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Thanks, but I'm not gonna date some random guy from your work.
Not random. Bob.
It's probably because I'm not mature enough or smart enough.
Maybe he doesn't like the way I dress.
Pfft. No, that can't be it. It's really gotta be the smart thing. Ugh.
I'm just this, like, incredibly pretty, stupid girl.
Okay. You wanna know why Ross canceled the date?
Because I asked him to.
- You asked him to? - Mm-hm.
- 你要求的？ - 嗯
- Why? - Because you are my sister...
- 为什么？ - 因为你是我妹妹
and Ross and I have this huge history.
- You wanna go out with Ross? - No.
- 我不懂 你想跟罗斯交往吗？ - 不想
You don't want him, but you don't want me to have him?
- You know, Bob in Human Resources... - Ugh.
- 人力资源部的鲍伯... - 噢
I cannot believe you did this to me. You had me doubting how smart I was.
You had me doubting my fashion sense.
This is not that big a deal. Just don't date Ross.
There's a million other guys out there.
You have no right to tell me what to do.
I'm not telling you what to do. I am telling you what not to do.
Why are you always so jealous of me?
This is not about me being jealous of you.
This is about you being a brat, wanting what you can't have.
Excuse me, the only thing I can't have is dairy.
All right, all right. You just blew your chances at dating Bob.
- Who? - In Human Resources!
- 谁？ - 人力资源部的啦
I am jealous of her?
I mean, who does she think she is, Princess Caroline?
- You're jealous of Princess Caroline? - Do I have my own castle?
- 你嫉妒卡洛琳公主？ - 我有自己的城堡吗？
Hey. Phoebe's not here, is she?
- No. - Oh, great, did you get a movie?
- 不在 - 真好 你们租了片子？
But, uh, I don't think it's the kind you're gonna like.
You didn't get more that are gonna have us
reaching for the tissues all night, did you?
Guys, what's going on?
Phoebe's a porn star.
- What? - Yeah.
- 什么？ - 对
- What are you talking about? - Where?
- 你在讲什么？ - 哪里？
"Phoebe Buffay in Buffay the Vampire Layer."
- Oh, my God. Ha, ha. - That's Phoebe. Where did you get that?
- 天哪 - 这是菲比 你在哪里租的？
Down at the adult video place on Bleecker.
And I saw Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him...
And then... Ha, ha. Then I pretended that I didn't know he was in there.
Wow. I mean, I just can't... I can't believe this.
You know? I mean, you think you know someone.
Even Phoebe, who's always been somewhat of a question mark.
I guess it kind of makes sense, though. She had such a terrible childhood.
Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I don't do porn.
- Yes, but you're dead inside. - Ah.
- 对 但是你的心死了 - 啊
- All right, well, I'd better take that back. - What? Why? Why?
- 好吧 我还是拿去还吧 - 为什么？
We can't watch that. I mean, that's Phoebe.
- You're right. We shouldn't watch this. - Absolutely not. That goes back.
- 你说得对 我们不该看 - 没错
- But, you know, maybe a little bit. - How about just the first half?
- 看一点好了 - 前半段就好
Hey, no, this is wrong, you guys. Phoebe's our friend.
- I'm not gonna watch it. - Yeah.
- 我不要看 - 没错
- Good for you, Joe. - Yeah.
- 有义气 乔伊 - 对
Ah. I thought I'd find you here, Nosferatool.
Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places?
布非 你要把你的尖棍 深深插进我的体内吗？
Actually, I was kind of hoping it would be the other way around.
- Hold on, what is that on her ankle? - Her ankle is what you're watching?
- 等等 她的脚踝上是什么？ - 你在看她的脚踝？
- Well, it's hard to tell. - Ooh.
- 很难看得出来 - 哦
Oh, God, if she would just stop moving.
She's just doing her job.
You sick bastards.
Oh. It's a tattoo. That's weird. Phoebe doesn't...
是刺青 怪了 菲比没...
Wait, that's Ursula. That's not Phoebe. That is Ursula.
是乌苏拉啦 那不是菲比 是乌苏拉
Wait, wait. I can watch that. Rewind it. Rewind it.
倒带倒带 我可以看了 快倒带
What's up? Oh, my God. What am I doing?!
- Hey, sweetie. - Hey.
- 亲爱的 - 嘿
Chicken Soup for the Soul?
There's no back to this couch.
Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff.
I figured I'd give it a shot.
Maybe one of those stories would make me cry.
Then you wouldn't think I was all dead inside.
Aw, that's so sweet.
Chandler, I don't care if you can't cry. I love you.
Oh, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.
- Stop it. - I mean, come on, seriously. Think about it.
- 别闹了 - 你想嘛
We get married, I'm up at the altar, and I'm like this:
哪天我们结婚了 来到神父面前 我却这样
Because I know that you'll be feeling it all in here.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- 是吗？ - 当然
And if we have a baby one day...
and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room...
and you don't cry, so what?
And if we take him to college and we come home...
and we see his empty room for the first time...
and you got nothing?
Won't matter to me.
Well, I won't worry about this anymore, then.
Yeah. And, you know, if I die...
from a long illness...
and you're writing out my eulogy...
and you open the desk drawer and find a note from me that says:
"I will always be with you"...
and you still can't shed one tiny tear...
I know you'll be crying a river inside.
- Aw, I love you, sweet... - What is wrong with you?
- 我真爱... - 你是怎么搞的？
- What? - What?
- 什么？ - 什么？
You can't shed a tear for your dead wife?
I mean, I left you a note from the beyond.
- So you didn't mean any of that? - No, you robot!
- 所以刚才都不是真心话？ - 废话 死机器人
You damn kids. You ring my bell one more time, I swear to...
That's just a little game I play with the kids down the hall.
They've really taken a liking to me.
What's the matter?
Rachel and I had a really big fight. Can I come in?
I know we're not supposed to see each other anymore. I'm okay with that.
I don't know anybody in the city, and I need somebody to talk to about it.
- Oh, of course. What happened? - I don't wanna talk about it.
- 好啊 怎么了？ - 我不想谈
- But you know what might cheer me up? - What?
- 不过有件事会让我比较开心 - 什么事？
Seeing some more of your super-cool slides.
- Wow, really? - Totally. I loved them.
- 真的吗？ - 绝对的 我爱死了
And maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.
I'd love to. You wait right here. I'll go get the projector and my notes.
没问题 你等一下 我去拿投影机和讲义
Oh, great. Thanks, Ross. You're such a good friend.
太好了 谢谢你 你真是个好朋友
Hey. Have you guys seen Jill? I can't find her anywhere.
- No, I haven't. - Is Ross home?
- 没看到 - 罗斯在家吗？
Maybe I'll just call him and see if he's actually seen her.
It's Phoebe, "Phoebe."
- Hey. - Oh, God.
- 嘿 - 嘿 天哪
- So you're making porn movies. - No, I'm not.
- 所以你在拍A片 - 我没有
We're still rolling.
You're making one right now.
- Let's go, Phoebe. - And you're using my name.
- 菲比快点 - 而且还用我的名字
Yeah, can I help you with something?
Look, I'm talking right now. You're... You mean her. Oh.
You know, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
Yeah. I could talk them into giving you like $30.
And stop using my name. And shame on you.
And shame on all of you. You're disgusting.
Especially you, with that.
Slides are almost ready.
Yeah. Ooh, I know what this is missing.
- Okay, well, there's wine in the kitchen. - Oh, great.
- 好 厨房有红酒 - 太好了
What is my sister doing there, and why are the drapes shut?
Okay. Rach, calm down, okay?
She's really upset. We're just talking.
I think she's trying to make something happen with you to get back at me.
罗斯 她想藉由跟你发生关系 来报复我
Oh, so that's the only reason she could be here, huh?
It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm a good listener...
and I put on a great slide show?
Ross, I am telling you, she is using you to get back at me.
罗斯 是真的 她在利用你来报复我
You know, I think I can take care of myself. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.
我自己可以应付 回头再聊 再见
Uh, that was your sister, actually.
She thinks you're just using me. Heh.
So I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Oh, no, not you too.
No, no. I went to pick up Phoebe Buffay's checks.
There were a lot of them.
- Nice. - Mm-hm.
- 漂亮 - 嗯
And I won't have to go back there anymore...
because I gave them my "correct address."
That's great, but isn't it gonna bother you that people think you're a porn star?
太好了 但别人还是会误会 你不会困扰吗？
Oh, no, no. I know how to handle it.
- Good. - Yeah.
- 是吗？ - 没错
You're trying to figure out where you know me from?
All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn. Okay?
给你一个提示 A片 好吗？
Yeah, your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie!
没错 你的变态男朋友 在A片里看过我
- You, uh, may have been right about Jill. - Oh, I knew it. What happened?
- 你对吉儿的看法或许没错 - 我就知道 怎么了？
- Um, she kissed me. - What? You kissed?
- 她吻了我 - 什么？你们亲嘴了？
- Maybe we should give them some privacy. - Shh!
- 也许我们应该回避一下 - 嘘
Look, I tried not to kiss her, okay?
It doesn't sound like it. It's pretty easy not to kiss someone.
You just don't kiss them. See? Look at us right now, not kissing.
Let me finish, okay?
She started kissing me, and I didn't stop it.
I guess I just wasn't thinking.
Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna give you something to think about.
是啊 没有多想 我来让你好好想一想
But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.
Oh, well, thank you for taking your tongue out of my sister's mouth to tell me that.
Look, I realized if anything were to happen with me and Jill...
then nothing could ever happen with us.
- What? - No, I mean...
- 什么？ - 我是说...
Look, I don't know if anything is ever going to happen with us again, ever.
But I don't wanna know that it never could.
So I stopped it...
and she got mad and broke my projector.
I don't even know what to say.
Oh, my God, are you crying?
I just don't see why those two can't work things out.
All right, I'm leaving. I'm not gonna spend one more day...
好 我要走了 我要远离某个...
with someone who's out to sabotage my every move.
That's you, Rachel.
And you. I throw myself at you, and you say no?
还有你 我投怀送抱 你却不要
You take care, Jill.
- Okay, see you. - Bye-bye.
- 好 再见 - 再见
I can't believe Jill's gone.
I can't help it. I opened a gate.