Monica, which of all of this kitchen stuff is mine?
This bottle opener.
- And? - And it's a magnet.
- 还有呢？ - 还有上面的磁铁
How weird is that? You know, you're moving in with me...
and you have the one thing I don't have. Ha, ha.
It's like, in a way, you complete me. Huh?
- Kitchen. - What?
- 我是说厨房 - 什么？
You complete me kitchen, matey.
- Ross, I know what you're thinking. - What?
- 罗斯 我知道你在想什么 - 什么？
That she's gonna move in with you...
and then maybe fall in love with you, and then...
when she finds out you're already married, oh, she'll be happy.
You know? You're just... You're very sad.
I see what this is. You are in love with Rachel.
- What? - Of course. It all adds up.
- 什么？ - 没错 这就对了
I mean, you're obsessed with her. It's always:
"Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?
Ross, why are you moving in with Rachel?
When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?"
- You want her. - No!
- 你想要她 - 乱讲
Uh-oh. Saved by the bell.
Hey, Rach. Aren't these candlesticks mine?
No, no, I bought those.
- Oh, right. I forgot. - Yeah.
- 对喔 我忘了 - 对
That you're a liar.
No, no, that's great. I'll be there Monday. And thank you again.
不会 太好了 我星期一过去 再次谢谢你
Um, that was the head of the paleontology department...
Wow. What did he say?
Uh, remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate?
- Well, they loved it. - Well, who wouldn't?
- 他们很喜欢 - 有谁会不喜欢？
Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer.
I mean, it's temporary, but if they like me, it could lead to a full-time job.
是暂时的 但表现好 就可能转任正职
How great would that look on the mailbox, huh? Professor Geller.
Yeah. Professor and Mrs.
Oh, yeah, you know, you and Ross are still married.
- Hey. - What's the matter?
- 嘿 - 怎么了？
- You know that psychic I see? - Yeah?
- 我不是有在看灵媒吗？ - 是啊
She told me that I'm gonna die this week...
so I'm kind of bummed about that.
- What? - I know you don't know about readings...
- 什么？ - 对 我知道你们不太懂通灵术
but that one is pretty much the worst one you can get.
Phoebe, that's crazy.
I can't believe she'd say that to you?
Yeah, honey, you don't believe her, do you?
I don't know. She, you know, said that I'd have triplets...
but she also said one of them would be black.
Just out of curiosity, did she tell you how you were gonna go?
No, because she didn't tell me I was gonna die till the end of the session.
And I was not gonna waste a whole other hour there.
I mean, I've only got a week left, you know?
I've really gotta start living now.
- Hey, everyone. - Oh, hi.
- 大家好 - 嗨
- Hey. - Hey. Well, today's my first lecture...
- 嘿 - 我今天第一次上课
and I kind of wanted to try it out on you guys. Do you mind?
No, that'd be great.
"There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate.
Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two..."
Oh, this is it. This is what's gonna kill me.
"subcategories. The first of these subcategories is..."
Are there, uh, naked chicks on that piece of paper?
Well, I just never seen a guy stare so hard at paper...
that didn't have naked chicks on it.
"There are three primary theories...
concerning sediment flow rate.
Each of these theories...
can be further subcategorized into..."
Why don't you open with a joke?
Open with a joke? It's a university, not a comedy club.
Wait a minute, hold the phone.
You're not talking about Chuckles University?
Come on, we're kidding.
You know what might make it less boring?
Some, um... Some visual aids.
Oh, oh! You know what's a good visual aid?
Please don't say naked chicks.
I don't even know why I bothered to even talk to you guys about it.
You know, I'm just gonna do it on my own, with no naked chicks.
That's the way I did it till I was 19.
Yes, you got something from the Screen Actors Guild.
Ooh, it's probably a residual check. Hey, can you open it? I got...
可能是重播费 你帮我拆一下 我...
- "Benefits lapsed." - Hmm. That's weird.
- "保险中止" - 怪了
I don't remember being in a movie called Benefits Lapsed.
Okay, it's not a check.
They're saying your health insurance expired because...
- you didn't work enough last year. - Let me see that.
- 你去年的工作时数不够 - 我看看
Oh, I can't believe this.
When I had insurance, I could get hit by a bus...
or catch on fire, you know?
And it wouldn't matter. Now I gotta be careful?
I'm sorry, man. There's never a good time to have to...
stop catching on fire.
I guess I gotta go get a job. I'm gonna see my agent.
Okay, make sure to look both ways before you cross the street.
"Make sure to look both ways before you cross the street."
- Hey. - Hey, Pheebs, you're still alive.
- 嘿 - 菲比 你还活着
How are you feeling?
It's so exhausting, waiting for death.
Oh, by the way, do you think you...
Pheebs, what are you doing?
I was preparing you for... Didn't you think I was dead?
Did that not come off?
Oh, yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought we'd lost you forever.
像 我吓死了 我还以为我们永别了
- Pheebs, you wanna lie down? - Yeah, thanks.
- 你要不要睡下？ - 好 谢谢
And listen, can you do me a favor?
Could you just wake me up in a couple hours.
You know, if you can.
Did you take these back?
No, no. I just liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.
不是 我很喜欢 就去买了一对
Oh, yeah, they're really great, aren't they?
- I love them. - Yeah.
- 我好喜欢 - 是啊
- Hello. - Hey, how'd the lecture go?
- 哈罗 - 课上得怎样？
And I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks either.
Oh, that's great. I'm sorry we weren't supportive before.
I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself.
Everyone's all, uh, "Ross, you have to be funny and sexy."
Well, I proved them wrong.
And now I'm gonna pass the news on to Joey and Chandler.
- That you're not funny or sexy? - That's right.
- 说你不风趣也不性感？ - 没错
- Hey, Estelle, listen... - Well, well, well.
- 伊斯特 听着... - 哇...
So you came back, huh?
They think they can do better, but they all...
come crawling back to Estelle.
What are you talking about?
I never left you. You've always been my agent.
- Really? - Yeah.
- 是吗？ - 是啊
Oh, well, no harm, no foul.
Look, Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I lost my health insurance.
伊斯特 你得帮我找工作 我的健康保险没了
All right, first thing we gotta do: Damage control.
- Why? - Well, I think, uh...
- 为什么？ - 我觉得...
someone out there...
may have been bad-mouthing you all over town.
So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow.
And I'll have my health insurance back in no time.
That's great, but shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?
- What? - What's wrong with you?
- 什么？ - 你是怎么了？
Well, I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before.
And then I, uh, passed out...
and, uh, I haven't been able to stand up since. Ha, ha.
But I don't think it's anything serious.
This sounds like a hernia. You have to... Go to the doctor.
If I'm gonna go to the doctor for anything...
it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach.
Why'd I have to start working out again?
We're a little early. The lecture doesn't end for 15 minutes.
- Yeah, but we can sneak in and watch. - Yeah. Good.
- 对 但我们可以偷溜进去看 - 是啊
Oh, hey, look. There's some Kappa Kappa Deltas.
你看 是姊妹会的人 我以前也是会员
I was a Kappa. Hey, sisters.
Wow, we really are bitches.
Right. So when Rigby got his samples...
back from the laboratory...
he made a startling discovery.
What he believed to be igneous was, in fact, sedimentary.
Imagine his consternation when...
What the hell are you doing?
Look, I was nervous.
You guys had me all worried I was gonna be boring.
I got up there and they were all, like, staring at me.
I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.
Yeah, and not a very good one.
Dr. Geller? Kurt Rathman.
I'm a professor in the paleontology department here.
Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?
I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister.
Right. Will you excuse us for one moment?
What are you doing?
You can have an accent, but I can't?
Top of the morning to you, laddies.
Would you just please stop?
Bombay is very, very nice this time of year.
Hey, will you grab me a cruller?
- Will you go to the hospital? - Dude, hernia operations cost, like...
- 我拜托你去看医生 - 大哥 疝气手术...
a lot probably, okay?
Besides, it's getting darker and more painful.
That means it's healing.
Look, I will loan you the money.
Just go to the hospital and let's just get that thing...
Thank you, but it'd take me forever to pay you that money back.
And I don't want that hanging over my head, okay?
Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in...
I can get all the free operations I want.
I think I'll probably start with that laser eye surgery.
- Hey. - What's going on?
- 嘿 - 怎么了？
Well, Joey's got a bad hernia...
but it's nothing a little laser eye surgery won't fix.
Look, I'm telling you, if I put my hand on my stomach right here...
it doesn't hurt that bad. Ah.
Hey, maybe you'll die.
Chandler, I'm scared.
No, we can go together.
Just don't wait too long, though...
because I'm out of here sometime before Friday.
But I don't want to die.
No, no. It'll be fun.
We can come back and we can haunt these guys.
- Give me them. - No, they are mine.
- 给我 - 不要 这是我的
- You stole them from me. - You stole them from me.
- 是你偷我的 - 你才偷我的
You just wanna each take one?
Yeah, that seems fair. We never use them.
Look, I really need some help, okay?
Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?
Well, why don't you phase it out? Yeah, phase the accent out.
People will think that you're adjusting to life in America.
Yeah, I mean, come on. No one will even notice.
I mean, they're probably not even listening to you.
They're not listening to me?
Of course they're listening to you.
Everybody listens to you.
Monica, do you really think I should try this phasing-out thing?
I think you look fine.
- Whenever you're ready. - Okay.
- 好了就开始 - 好
I've got a surprise...
The surprise is a new swing set. If you could play it less intense.
Oh, yeah. Sure, no problem. Just hold on one second.
好 没问题 等我下
I've got a surprise for you.
So that's why I feed my dog Purina One.
Pick up a bag today.
- That's where you pick up the bag. - Exactly.
- 这时候你要把它搬起来 - 没错
No, the line is, "Pick up a bag," so you need to pick up the bag.
不是 台词是搬一包 所以你得把它搬起来
Or I could just point to it. Huh?
Blah, blah, blah. Purina One. Point to a bag today.
- I didn't get it, did I? - No.
- 我没过 对吧？ - 没有
I'm Joey Tribbiani.
I'm here to audition for "Man."
You mean "Dying Man."
- Okay, come on. Do it one more time. - Really? Really? Okay.
- 快 再打次 - 真的要打？好
Ross, this is Dr. McNeely...
from Fake Accent University.
We'd like you to come onboard with us full-time.
My reading was wrong. I'm not going to die.
- Really? How do you know? - Because my psychic is dead.
- 真的？你怎么知道？ - 因为我的灵媒死了
- She must have read the cards wrong. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- 她一定是看错牌了 - 我很遗憾
Ah, better her than me.
Hey, let's bake cookies!
Listen, I'm really glad you got the part.
- Are you sure you can do this? - Yeah.
- 你真的能演吗？ - 能
And, hey, thanks for coming with me.
And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
Now, is that "never talking about it again"?
Hey, Joey. We're ready for you.
Joey, this is Alex. He's gonna be playing your son.
And, uh, as you can see, my hands are not in my pants.
All right, uh, Alex. Now, when Joey says his line:
"Take good care of your mama, son," that's your cue to cry. Got it?
All right, let's do this.
Scene five, take one.
Take good care of your mama, son.
Take good care of your mama, son.
Your mama's good people.
Alex, remember, you're supposed to cry.
- Can you cry for us this time? - Okay.
- 你这次可以哭吗？ - 好吧
All right. From the top.
Scene five, take two.
Let's try this again.
Uh, one thing, is it all right with you if I scream...
right up until you say, "Action"?
- Action! - Take good care of your mama, son.
- 开始 - 儿子 好好照顾你妈妈
I'm sorry. Hey, hey. Joe, why don't you lift up your shirt?
抱歉... 乔伊 你把衣服掀开来
Take a look at this, kiddo.
We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!
- Hello. - Hello, is Ross there?
- 喂 - 罗斯在吗？
No, he's not. Can I take a message?
Yes, this is Russell, Ross' divorce lawyer.
Just tell him that since I haven't heard from him...
I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try.
Ross got married again? Aah! No.
All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out.
"So without retesting their results in the laboratory...
the team would never have identified...
the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis."
Were there any questions at this point?
- Yes. - What's happening to your accent?
- 请说 - 你的口音怎么没了？
Come again? What's this nonsense?
All right. I'm not English.
I'm from Long Island.
I was really nervous, and the accent...
just, um... Just came out.
So if we could just get back to the lecture.
Um, were there any questions?
All right, look, I was just trying to make a good first impression.
Obviously, I screwed up.
But what you guys think of me is really important...
because I'm hoping to get a permanent job here.
So if you'd just give me another chance to make a good impression...
Ross. Are you crazy?
I am still your wife? What, were you just never gonna tell me?
What the hell is wrong with you?
Ugh, I could just kill you!
Well, hello, Rachel.
- You've really done this before? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- 你真的玩过？ - 真的
You just take a big, big swing, okay?
Now, don't hold back.
What are you doing?
We're just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.