- Hey. What are you doing? - Hi.
- 嘿 你在做什么？ - 嗨
Well, you know, I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Why would you want to do that?
So that there would be a decent place for me to sit?
- Rach, there is a decent place. - And your lap does not count.
- 瑞秋 你本来就有好位置坐了 - 你的大腿不算
- Okay? Come on, help me move this. - No, no, no.
- 来吧 帮我把它搬开 - 不
Rosita does not move.
I'm sorry. Rosita? As in...?
对不起 萝希塔 是…？
As in "Rosita does not move."
Joey, it's just a chair. What's the big deal?
乔伊 只不过是一张椅子 有什么大不了的？
The big deal is that it's the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen...
...and it's at the perfect angle so you don't get any glare coming off of Stevie.
- Is there a problem? - No.
- 有问题吗？ - 没有
Oh, what does he know?
Come on, Rosita. Us chicas gotta stick together.
来吧 萝希塔 我们这些辣妹得合作才行
So I was checking out the real-estate section.
- Yeah. - Look at this.
- 耶 - 你看这个
Oh, looks like Mom and Dad's house.
Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front.
And the, uh, window in the attic...
What? What happened to the window in the attic?
I can't believe Mom and Dad are selling the house.
I can't believe they didn't even tell us.
I can't believe I still don't know what happened to the window in the attic.
Okay, come on. I'll buy you a new one, all right?
乔伊 我会买张新椅子赔你 好吗？
We'll go down to the store right now and we'll get you a new chair.
She's not even cold yet.
But don't you think Rosita would've wanted you to move on?
I mean, you know, she did always put your comfort first.
I can't believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in.
Man, some stranger's gonna be living in my room.
天啊 有个陌生人 就要搬进我的房间里
Well, after 15 years of Mom and Dad keeping it as a shrine to you...
十五年来 他们把你房间 弄得跟神宠差不多
...it's time the velvet ropes came down.
They kept your room a while.
Oh, please. Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out.
拜托 我搬出来二十分钟后 爸就把我的房间变成健身房
And I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs?
我得说 一张日光浴椅 跟一堆维多利亚秘密的目录？
- Come on. You know they love you. - As much as they love you?
- 别这样 你知道他们爱你 - 就跟他们爱你一样？
I was their firstborn. They thought she was barren. It's not my fault.
我没出生前 他们以为她不会生 那不是我的错
Ugh. I hate this year.
What's wrong with this year?
It's already February and I've only given two massages...
...and they were both the worst tippers in the world.
That was me and Ross.
If you want to pick up some extra cash...
...some friends of mine made good money in college doing telemarketing.
Yeah, it'd probably be better than the last telephone job I had.
You know, I probably won't have to say "spank" as much.
Oh, yeah, like you never called.
So, basically, this is very easy. You read from the script...
...and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Okay, I can do that.
- Oh, by the way, I love my office. - Ha, ha.
- 对了 我喜欢我的办公室 - 哈哈
- Why don't we do a trial run? - Oh, okay.
- 我们为什么不来练习一下？ - 好吧
Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
I'm the supply manager.
Um, okay. I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
- We don't need any toner. - Well, I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye.
- 我们不需要碳粉 - 好吧 抱歉打扰你了 再见
Yeah, you're right. This is easy.
Okay. What was wrong with that call?
Um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
They're always gonna tell you they don't need toner, but that's okay.
他们永远都会说 他们不需要碳粉 没关系
Because whatever they say...
...you can find the answer to it, here in the script.
- Oh. - So I think you're ready to sell toner.
- 哦 - 我想你准备好要卖碳粉了
- Do you have any last questions? - No.
- 你还有问题吗？ - 没有了
Oh, wait, yes, I do. I do have one question:
等一下 对了 我的确有一个问题
Beer's still cold.
Something terrible must have happened here.
Stevie, I was never here.
- Dad? - I'm here.
- 爸？ - 我在这里
God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Dad, we can't believe you're selling the house.
It's time for a new family to start their memories here.
And hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack...
...in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Let's just grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
I'm sorry we can't store your childhood things anymore.
Oh, it's okay. I can't wait to see everything again. All the memories.
I don't know what's in the boxes down here.
But I do know that there are six or seven Easy-Bake Ovens in the attic.
但我知道 阁楼上有六 七箱简易烘焙烤箱
I used to love to play restaurant.
Yeah, not as much as you loved to play "uncooked batter eater."
Hey. It is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies.
So I think your boxes are over here.
...Dad, whose cigarettes are these?
They must be your mother's.
But please, please don't ask her. I'll throw these away.
Cool. Dad, my report cards.
酷啊 爸 是我的成绩单
Hey, check this out. Dad.
Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym...
数学"优等" 自然"优等" 历史"优等" 体育…
Ooh, my rock polisher.
- Uh-oh. - What?
- 惨了 - 怎么了？
You know how the garage floods every spring?
How are you ever gonna sell this place?
I think I accidentally used Monica's boxes...
...to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Oh, no, Dad. Dad?
喔 不 爸 爸？
Dad, she's gonna be crushed.
You don't secretly smoke, do you?
So it's just your mother, then.
Hi. This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
Hi, Earl. This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
嗨 厄尔 我是帝国办公室 文具公司的菲比
I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
I don't need any toner.
I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices, everyone needs toner.
我知道了 但是听了我们的价格 大家都会想买碳粉
You want to know why?
I don't need any toner...
...because I'm gonna kill myself.
Is that because you're out of toner?
Okay, so no toner today. Thanks anyway. Bye-bye.
好吧 今天我不需要碳粉 谢谢你 再见
No, no, wait, wait. I can't just let you hang up.
Just please talk to me.
I only had one thing to do today.
I guess I could push it back.
Yeah. Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
I've been working for 10 years now at this...
...meaningless, dead-end job...
...and nobody here even knows that I exist.
...I'm sure that people know you exist.
Oh, yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people.
I've been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself...
...and no one's even looked up from their desk. Hang on.
Hey, everybody, uh...
...I'm gonna kill myself.
Now, if anybody asks...
...your name is Rosita.
Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.
Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour.
Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here, you know?
Start the healing process.
- Yeah, I guess you're right. - Okay.
- 好吧 我猜你说的对 - 好吧
- That's weird. - No, it's not weird.
- 那太奇怪了 - 不 一点都不奇怪
It's not a miracle, Joey. I'm sure there's an explanation.
There is. If you want something enough and your heart is pure...
...wondrous things can happen.
Well, she'll understand, right? It's not like I did it on purpose.
Dad, that won't matter to her.
Look, all my stuff is safe and dry. And all her stuff is...
你看 我的箱子完全没事 她的东西都…
...growing new stuff.
See, this is exactly the kind of thing...
...that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Oh, my God. Does she really think that?
Well, can you blame her?
I don't know. I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously.
我不知道 或许我们在潜意识里 是偏爱你的
You were a medical marvel.
- The doctors said your mom couldn't... - I don't want to hear about it.
- 医生说你妈没办法… - 我不想听了
- Really? - Well, not right now.
- 真的吗？ - 现在不想
Okay, look. Monica came here for some memories.
Damn it, we're gonna give her some.
Grab some empty boxes, okay? We'll take stuff from mine...
...and whatever we can pass off as hers, we'll put them in there.
- Right. - Like, this. She could have made this.
- 好吧 - 譬如说这个 这可能是她做的
- This could have been hers. - Sure.
- 这可能是她的 - 没错
You know, if you want to tell the medical marvel story while we work...
...that'd be fine.
I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself.
Wow, you know, that this thing has speakers in the headrest?
- No, really? - Yeah.
- 不 真的吗？ - 没错
You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio.
My chair heals itself.
All right. Earl, let's just forget about the people at the office, okay?
好吧 我们别提 办公室的同事了 好吗？
There's gotta be someone else in your life that's worth sticking around for.
What about your family or friends? Or maybe a girlfriend?
Oh, sorry. Boyfriend?
喔 抱歉 你的男朋友呢？
Okay, I should...
I should probably be getting back to my thing now.
- See you. - No.
- 再见 - 不
I'm not finished yet. Don't you dare hang up on me!
The new girl's good.
So which boxes are mine?
- These are yours right here. - Okay.
- 你的箱子在这里 - 好吧
- Oh, a coloring book. - Yeah, yeah. Oh, you loved that thing.
- 着色簿 - 对 你喜欢那个玩意
You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without...
Without that coloring book.
Wow. Looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Wow, look at this.
I can't believe I even fit into this shirt.
Oh, this is yours.
I don't know how that got in there.
Hey, this isn't my stuff.
Ross, these are your boxes.
Where are my boxes?
The garage flooded, sweetie, and it ruined everything in your boxes.
车库淹水 甜心 你的箱子都进了水 对不起
- Just mine? - I'm afraid so.
- 只有我的箱子进水了？ - 恐怕是那样的
So why wasn't Ross' stuff ruined?
I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.
So wait. Ross' stuff is fine, but I have no memories...
...because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car from water?
Well, there was also leaves and gook and stuff.
I can't believe this.
Screw it. I'm having one.
- Hey, Chandler. - Hey.
- 嘿 钱德 - 嘿
How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines...
...has a rolling massage...
...and speakers in the headrest?
Yeah, I'd love to, but I've tried that so many times...
...they won't even let me in the store anymore.
Well, what if I told you that you could do it in my apartment?
Are you telling me...
...that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete?
The chair that Sit Magazine called "Chair of the Year"?
I just purchased...
...the La-Z-Boy E-Cliner 3000.
Well, that's awesome. That's great. What made you do it?
喔 那真的是太棒了 太帅了 你为什么会买呢？
Well, it's a long story, but I broke Joey's chair...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You broke Joey's chair?
- Yeah. - I thought I broke Joey's chair.
- 耶 - 我以为是我干的
- That's why I replaced it with mine. - Oh.
- 所以我用我的椅子跟它调包 - 哦
That's how it got fixed.
Well, what did you think? That elves came in and fixed it?
- I'm getting my chair back. - Hey.
- 我要把我的椅子拿回来 - 嘿
Well, looks like it wasn't healed after all.
So I guess this chair's mine now.
Joey, you broke my chair!
Yeah, he thought he broke your chair, so he switched the chairs.
- So there was no miracle? - No, Joe. No miracle.
- 奇迹根本不存在？ - 没错 乔伊 奇迹不存在
Oh, no. This is devastating.
喔 不 这真的是太糟糕了
My faith is shaken.
I'm so glad I have the new chair to get me through this difficult time in my life.
Excuse me, could you tell me where can I find Earl?
He's the supply manager here.
Sorry, I don't know any Earl.
- I'm Phoebe. - Phoebe?
- 我是菲比 - 菲比？
The lady who sells toner?
Um, look, you can't kill yourself.
Look, um, I really appreciate you coming down...
No, no, I can't let you do it.
Because it was fate that made me call you today.
I thought it was toner.
No. Think about it, okay? This isn't even my regular job, okay?
And my first day on the job, you're my first call.
And somebody else might have hung up on you, but I wouldn't do that...
...because I know about this stuff.
- My mom killed herself. - Really?
- 我妈是自杀的 - 真的吗？
- Yes. - How?
- 是的 - 她是怎么自杀的
I'm not gonna give you tips.
Look, don't you see that this...?
This all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.
- Couldn't it just be a coincidence? - No, it's fate.
- 这不是巧合吗？ - 不 这是命中注定
It doesn't really seem like enough to be fate.
Oh, well. Um, okay, here's a weird thing.
喔 好吧 好吧 有件事很奇怪
My mother was also a supply manager.
I'm actually the office manager.
Oh, my God. So was she!
And get this, okay.
Your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl.
Was there anything else?
Um, where are you from?
- Philadelphia. - Oh, my God, so was she!
- 费城 - 喔 我的天啊 她也是
Oh, I've got goose bumps.
- Well, I'm wearing layers, and it's warm. - Yeah.
- 我穿太多了 而且这里很热 - 是啊
But... Look. Okay. These jerks might not care about you...
...but the universe does, and that says a lot.
Did you hear that?
I don't need you guys to care about me...
...because the universe cares.
The whole universe!
I really wish they'd care just a little bit.
Oh, this is terrible.
Everything is destroyed.
It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and now I can't tell what it is.
What do you think this is?
Mon, I think it was a mouse.
- How are you, honey? - How do you think I am?
- 你还好吗？甜心 - 你觉得呢？
You've wrecked all my childhood memories...
...you love Ross more than me.
And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face.
Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross.
Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened...
...and I'll probably never be able to make it up to you...
...but here's a start.
- What's this? - It's the key to my Porsche.
- 这是什么？ - 我的保时捷的钥匙
Well, the key to your Porsche.
- What? - What?
- 什么？ - 什么？
I've been thinking of getting rid of it...
...and I was driving it the other day and I saw my reflection in a window.
Your mother's right, I do look like an ass.
You're giving it to me? You're kidding me, right?
I mean, a couple of stupid boxes get wet, and she gets a Porsche?
- Why don't we take it for a spin? - All right.
- 我们去兜个风吧 - 太帅了
What about me? I'm a medical marvel!
- Oh, yeah. - Oh.
- 喔 好耶 - 哦
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
- 嘿 你们都在 - 嘿
Know what happened to Chandler's Barcalounger?
Oh, yeah. Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
Are you kidding? I get a Porsche and the Barcalounger's gone?
Heh. This is the best day ever!