- Hi. - Hi! Hi, Ben.
- 嗨 - 嗨 嗨 小班
- Hi. - We have a bathroom emergency.
- 嗨 - 厕所紧急事件
- Oh, yeah. Go ahead. - Okay, uh, before we do...
- 请用 - 去之前…
...uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there?
- No. - Okay, all clear.
- 没有 - 可以了
- But whatever. - Mm-hm.
- 随便啦 - 额
Could you do me a big favor?
The, uh, dean's office called and said there was an urgent meeting.
Can you watch Ben for an hour?
- Well, what about Monica? - Uh, she isn't home.
- 摩妮卡呢？ - 她不在家
So it would just be me alone?
- Well, Ben would be there. - No...
- 小班也会在 - 不…
- What's the matter? - Well, uh, you know, it's just, uh...
- 怎么了？ - 那个 只是…
I've never done that before. Me and him, alone.
He's not an ex-con.
Okay, okay, okay. Um...
- What do I do with him? - I don't know, talk to him.
- 我要和他做什么？ - 我不知道 和他讲话
Entertain him. Keep him alive.
- Okay. - Okay, Ben, come here.
- 好 - 小班 来
I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour, okay?
- I think so. - I wasn't talking to you.
- 我想可以 - 我不是和你说话
What about the second minister? I kind of liked him.
- You mean the spitter? - Come on. He wasn't that bad.
- 你指喷口水那个？ - 别这样 他没那么糟
Easy for you to say, you'd be wearing a veil.
- And the third guy? - He kept staring at your chest.
- 第三个呢？ - 他一直瞪着你的胸部看
Can you blame him?
I don't like the idea of me saying, "I do"...
...while he's thinking, "I'd do it too."
- Well, then we still have a problem. - With what?
- 那我们还有一个问题 - 什么？
We need someone to perform our wedding...
...and they're all either boring or annoying...
...or keep staring at the ladies.
Ooh, you should have one of us do it.
We're getting "married" married, not "6th-grade" married.
No, it's a real thing.
Anyone can be ordained on the Internet and perform weddings and stuff.
What? It was my idea!
Thank you very much, but neither of you is marrying us.
非常感谢你们 但你们 谁也不会替我们证婚
Does calling it not mean anything anymore?
We're having a legitimate clergy member.
And when I say legitimate, I mean gay...
...and in control of his saliva.
Ben, you know, when, uh... When you were a baby...
小班 你知道 当你还是个婴儿时…
...we'd hang out all the time.
Because I was your daddy's girlfriend.
But you're not anymore.
- No, I'm not. - Because you guys were on a break...
- 不 我不是 - 因为你们想分开一下…
Hey, we were not on a... Okay.
- When's my daddy coming back? - Fifty-two minutes.
- 我爸什么时候会回来？ - 52分钟后
So no brothers or sisters, huh?
You know what, I had two sisters and we just tortured each other.
- Really? Like how? - Well, you know, we would, um...
- 真的？像怎样？ - 我们会…
We'd repeat everything the other said...
...or, uh, we'd jump out of closets to scare each other...
...or, ha, switch the sugar for the salt so they put salt on their cereal.
- Yeah, you like that one? - Yeah, you're funny.
- 你喜欢吗？ - 是 你很好玩
Well, hey, I got a ton of these.
Um, you, uh... You take a quarter...
You take a quarter...
...and you blacken the edge, right?
And then you say, "I bet you can't roll this quarter...
...to your chin without it leaving your face."
And when they do it, they're left with a line down the center of their face.
Can I do it to you?
Yeah, I'm funny, Ben, but I'm not stupid.
小班 我是幽默 但我不笨
So did you, uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?
No, but "Horny for Monica" minister called...
没有 但"痴想摩妮卡"牧师 打电话来…
...wondering if we're still together.
- We'll never find anybody. - Then let me do it.
- 我们永远不会找到人的 - 那么让我来
- Joe... - No, I've been thinking.
- 乔伊… - 我想过了
I'm an actor, so I won't get nervous in front of people.
I won't spit and I won't stare at Monica's breasts.
Everyone knows I'm an ass man.
- That is true. - And the most important thing...
- 那是真的 - 最重要的是…
...is it won't be some stranger who barely knows you.
It'll be me. And I swear, I'll do a really good job.
而会是我 我发誓 我会做得很好
Plus, I love you guys and it would really mean a lot to me.
还有 我爱你们 这对我意义重大
Might be kind of cool.
- So I can do it? - Yeah, you can do it.
- 我可以吗？ - 好 你可以
Okay, I gotta get started on my speech.
- Internet ministers can still have sex? - Yeah.
- 网络上任命的牧师还是可以做爱吧？ - 嗯
I have a bone to pick with you.
Ben learned a little trick.
- Oh, did he pull the old...? - That's right, that's right.
- 他是不是…？ - 对 是的
Saran wrap on the toilet seat...
...so the pee goes everywhere.
- Oh, that. - Yeah, that.
- 哦 那个啊 - 对 那个
You know I hate practical jokes.
They're mean, they're stupid and I don't want my son learning them.
恶作剧很毒 很笨 我不要我儿子学会这些
Oh, come on. Saran wrap on the toilet seat? Isn't that just a little funny?
拜托 马桶包了保鲜膜？ 那没有一点点好笑吗？
- I was barefoot. - Oh.
- 我赤脚 - 哦
Tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right?
- Hey. - Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani.
- 嘿 - 向乔伊崔比亚尼牧师打招呼
- You got ordained? - Yeah.
- 你被任命了？ - 对
Just got off the Internet. Man, there's a lot of porn out there.
I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. Want to hear it?
我已经写下我在婚礼 要说的话 要听吗？
- Yeah. - Listen, this is just the first draft, so...
- 好啊 - 注意 这只是第一篇草稿 所以…
"We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion...
...to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
It is a love based on giving and receiving...
...as well as having and sharing.
And the love that they give and have is shared and received.
And through this having and giving...
...and sharing and receiving...
...we too can share and love and have...
我们同样分享 爱 和拥有…
Should we call the spitter?
- Ha! Hey, Rachel. - Hi.
- 嘿 瑞秋 - 嗨
What a surprise. What are you doing here?
I was just in the neighborhood...
...and I passed by your building and thought, "What's up with Carol...
经过你家 我想 "卡萝和可爱的小班…
...and sweet little Ben?"
- That's nice. Well, uh, come on in. - Okay.
- 真好 请进 - 好
Um, I'll make some coffee and, uh, we can chat.
I'd love that. I would love that.
So, uh... So where is sweet little Ben?
I would love to have a little...
Very funny. Come here.
That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you, okay?
- Rach, you want some sugar? - Yes, but...
- 瑞秋 要加糖吗？ - 好 但…
Do I want sugar in my coffee?
No, just some milk would be good, Carol. Thanks.
不要 只要加牛奶就好 谢谢
Okay. Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
"Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?"
- Don't do that. - "Don't do that."
- 不要这样 - "不要这样"
- Your dad doesn't like pranks. - "Your dad doesn't like pranks."
- 你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧 - "你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧"
- Oh, damn it. - "Oh, damn it!"
- 可恶 - "可恶 "
No! Don't say that.
- Damn it! - Go back to repeating.
- 可恶 - 重覆我的说话
- Damn it! - Oh, crap.
- 可恶 - 真烂
- "Oh, crap!" - Oh.
- "真烂 " - 哦
Okay, I got some more written, ready?
好 我又写了一些 准备好了吗？
"When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share...
...I can't help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving...
...and giving..." And then I can't think of a good word for right here.
- How about "receiving"? - Yes!
- 用"接受"如何？ - 对
See, Joe, not that that's not great...
...but one cool thing about having a friend perform the ceremony...
...is that it can be about us.
It can be more personal. You can tell stories about us.
可以更个人 你可以说说 我们的小故事
Uh, okay. Maybe I'll talk about London. You know, when you two hooked up.
好 我可以谈伦敦 当你们开始在一起
Only I won't say "hooked up"...
...I'll say, "began their beautiful journey...
There you go. ...by doing it."
- Joe. - Okay, all right, um...
- 乔伊 - 好吧
So, uh... So how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room...
...then you're in the bathtub and she's feeding you strawberries?
- Isn't that what happened to you? - Yeah!
- 那不是发生在你和伴娘身上吗？ - 对
I call that "London style."
That didn't happen with us.
Ooh, but maybe you should say it is, because "London style" sounds nice.
I was sad that night because this guy thought I was Ross' mom.
And Chandler was really sweet and he consoled me...
- ...and we drank too much. - Yeah, baby.
- 而我们喝了很多 - 好啊 宝贝
I was a gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said good night.
我很绅士地陪她走回 旅馆房间 道了晚安
- But then, later that night... - Yeah, baby.
- 但那晚稍晚时… - 好啊 宝贝
Cute P.J.s. Really living it up here in London, huh?
Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company after...
Last I saw he was with a bridesmaid and a bucket of strawberries.
So, uh, you're not still upset about what that guy told you, are you?
It's been a really emotional time and you've had a lot to drink...
You have to let that go, okay?
You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight.
You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? We just made out.
喔 发生什么事了？ 我们亲嘴了
- We're making out? - Not anymore.
- 我们亲嘴了？ - 现在没有
- But we don't do that. - I know, I thought it would be fun.
- 可是我们不这样的 - 我知道 我以为会很好玩
Enough to know I want to do this. Not so much that you should feel guilty.
That's the perfect amount.
- You know what's weird? - What?
- 你知道哪里奇怪吗？ - 哪里？
- This doesn't feel weird. - I know.
- 感觉一点都不奇怪 - 我知道
- You're a really good kisser. - Well, I have kissed over four women.
- 你的吻功很棒 - 我吻了超过4个女人
- Want to get under the covers? - Mm-hm.
- 钻到被窝里？ - 恩
Wow, you are really fast!
It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
- We're gonna see each other naked. - Yep.
- 我们要裸体相见了 - 对
- At the same time? - Count of three?
- 同时？ - 数到三？
Well, I think it's safe to say our friendship is effectively ruined.
- Eh, we weren't that close anyway. - Eh.
- 反正我们本来也没那么亲近 - 额
Joey, Joey, Joey. It's Joey.
乔伊 乔伊 乔伊 是乔伊
Hey, Joe. I was just watching a movie...
嘿 乔伊 我在看电影…
Oh, dude, I'm so sorry.
It's cool, I'm still with my bridesmaid.
Where are the condoms?
In my bag over there.
...could you leave me one?
All right. There you go, buddy.
好 给你 老兄
That's what that was?
Can you imagine if I hadn't left you that last one?
You two might've never gotten together.
Oh, ooh. Can you imagine if I had sent that hooker up, like I was gonna?
想像一下 如果我照原来计划 送了一个妓女上去会怎样？
- It's like it was in the stars. - Hmm.
- 就像在天上一样 - 恩
Yeah, totally meant to be.
Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.
- What? - What?
- 什么？ - 什么？
Who did you originally want to hook up with?
Okay, fine, but please don't be upset.
I was really depressed, okay? And really drunk.
我那时真的很沮丧 好吗？ 而且醉得很厉害
I wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted sex.
So when I went to your room that night...
...I was actually looking for Joey.
You came looking for Joey?
- Were you planning on telling me this? - No, I didn't think it was important.
- 你有要告诉我吗？ - 没有 我觉得这不重要
It's not important? It's not important?
If it wasn't for a bridesmaid, you'd be marrying him.
No! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey wasn't there?
不 你知道我有多高兴 乔伊不在那里吗？
I'm a man of the cloth but I still have feelings.
There's no way you're doing this wedding now, okay?
What? That's not fair. It's not my fault.
I was with my bridesmaid.
And who's to say I would've said yes?
I mean, I would've said yes.
Look, you are making way too big a deal out of this.
Everything worked out okay.
It's just weird, okay?
I don't want to be saying my vows with the mental image of you and Monica.
I need... I don't know what I need. I need a walk.
- Wait, Chandler, it's not a big deal. - It is to me.
- 等一下 钱德 没有什么大不了的 - 对我是
You wanted to sleep with Batman and settled for Robin.
- This is crazy. - No, Robin is so gay.
- 这太疯狂了 - 不 罗宾是同性恋
- So now what have we agreed? - No more pranks.
- 我们都同意了？ - 不再恶作剧
- What else? - You and Daddy were not on a break.
- 还有呢？ - 你和爸爸不是想分开一下
Rachel, what are you doing here?
I'm just visiting my good friend Carol.
- Your good friend? - Yeah.
- 你的好朋友？ - 对
What's her last name?
...Lesbian. - Nice.
同性恋 - 很好
By the way, that, uh... That line down my face...
The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say:
"Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore.
- Okay? - Fine. Fine.
- 好吗？ - 好 好
Once I taught him that stuff, he called me "fun Aunt Rachel."
And I loved being fun Aunt Rachel.
I'm glad you guys were bonding but...
Look, he doesn't have any siblings.
Somebody has to teach him this stuff.
I haven't taught him anything a normal 6-year-old doesn't know.
- Crap! - I gotta go.
- 好烂 - 我要走了
You want this scone? It came for me but it would rather sleep with you.
Nothing even happened.
I just... I don't want you to be upset.
How can I not be upset?
I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman...
...and it turns out she wanted you first.
Yeah, for like a half an hour one night.
Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life.
We look at you and we see you together, and it just...
我们看着你们 看到你们 在一起 就是…
It fits, you know?
And you just know it's gonna last forever.
That's what you should say.
When you're marrying us, that's what you should say.
Really? I could do it?
I'd love you to do it.
But those are the words. Those exact words.
Well, I don't remember exactly...
...but it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
- So you guys doing okay? - Yeah.
- 你们两个没事了？ - 是啊
We talked and Monica made me see that I overreacted a little bit.
我们谈过了 摩妮卡让我 知道我反应过度了
- Some things are more important. - Yeah, baby.
- 有些事是比较重要的 - 是啊 宝贝
I'm really glad you guys are okay, but I just keep thinking...
...what would've happened if you two had hooked up.
Honey, dinner's ready!
What's my little chef got for me tonight?
- Your favorite. - Ho, ho, ho.
- 你最喜欢的 - 哦 哦 哦
Fried stuff with cheese.
Give me a little sugar. Okay.
Here we go, here we go, here we go.
来 来 来
I'm sorry to do this again, but could you look after Ben for a bit?
I've got this meeting at school...
...and he asked for his "fun Aunt Rachel."
Well, of course I will watch him.
We have fun, don't we, Ben?
我们会很开心的 是不是 小班？
- Okay. See you later, pal. - Okay.
- 好 待会见 - 好
Wait a minute. Ben, I can't do it.
等一下 小班 我不能这么做
- You got something on your back. - What?
- 你背后有东西 - 什么？
That's great. That is great.
What did we just finish talking about, Ben?
"What did we just finish talking about, Ben?"
That's it! Come here!
好 够了 过来
- You're in big trouble, young man! - No, wait.
- 年轻人 你麻烦大了 - 等一下
Ben, come here! I am not kidding!
小班 过来 我不是开玩笑的
You guys, hold it. Seriously...