We learned one thing, C.H.E.E.S.E:
Cheerleaders and high explosives don't mix.
You can say that again, Mac.
I couldn't have done it alone. You're a genius.
Oh, yeah? Well, how come I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?
What did you guys think?
- Hey, the phone. - I got it. I got it.
- 有电话 - 我来接
- Hold on. Joey, it's your mom. - It's Mommy.
- 等一下 乔伊 是你妈打的 - 是的
- Aw... - That's nice.
- 额… - 真是太棒了
Ma, so what did you think?
...that was, um, okay.
It wasn't the best.
That was one of the worst things ever...
...and not just on TV.
- What should we say? - The lighting was okay.
- 我们该对他说什么？ - 灯光还不错
You got lighting last time. Lighting is mine.
不行 上次你已经说过灯光不错 这次轮到我了
That means I'm stuck with:
"So we were watching you in there, and you were sitting right here. Whoa."
"我们看到你在电视上出现 结果你就坐在这里 哇"
- What about you? - I don't know.
- 你要说什么呢？菲比 - 我不知道
I can't lie to him again. Oh, no, I... No.
我没办法再骗他了 不 我…不
I'm just gonna press my breasts up against him.
- And say nothing? - Uh-huh, yeah, that's right.
- 什么都不说？ - 没错
Wow, my folks really liked it.
What did you guys think?
It wasn't that good.
Do you think that your favorite animal says much about you?
菲比 你认为你最喜欢的动物 能代表你吗？
You mean behind my back?
Oh, you'll never believe what happened to me today.
- I am sitting in my office... - You guys!
- 我坐在办公室里… - 大家听我说
Guess what my agent just said?
I'm in the middle of a story here.
Sorry, you finish.
I'm sitting in my office, and guess who walks in.
I'm gonna be on two TV shows.
- Joey. - You weren't finished?
- 乔伊 - 你还没有说完吗？
Yeah, "Guess who walks into my office" is my story.
对喔 我的重点只是 "你们猜谁走进我的办公室"
Ralph Lauren walked into my office.
Uh, if you're starting another story, at least let me finish mine.
瑞秋 如果你想说别的事 至少让我把我的事说完
It's the same story.
Uh, wow, it's really long.
Ralph just came in to tell me that he's so happy with my work...
...that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for Polo retail.
- Still get a discount on wedding gowns? - Yeah.
- 买婚纱还有折扣吗？ - 有啊
I'm so happy for you.
These really are the days of our lives.
- What? - Well, since you ask, ha, ha...
- 什么？ - 喔 既然你们问起…
They want me back on Days of our Lives.
- I get a big pay raise! - Oh, hey!
- 我得到大幅度加薪 - 嘿
I'll be playing Drake Ramoray's twin brother, Stryker.
I get to hire my own assistant.
Well... I got a head rush from standing up too fast.
You were at this job four years?
- That's right. - This is all very impressive, Hilda.
- 没错 - 好 你的资历非常棒 西尔达
Um, I just have one last question for you, uh...
How did I do? Was this okay?
- What? - I've never interviewed anyone.
- 什么？ - 我从来没有面试过任何人
I've never had anyone work for me.
When I was a kid we had a maid, but this isn't the same.
No, dear, it's not.
没错 亲爱的 的确不一样
Well, thank you so much for coming in.
- Nice to meet you. - Good meeting you.
- 很高兴能认识你 - 我也是
- Hello. - Wow. Huh, um...
- 嗨 - 嗯…
Hi, yes, I'm sorry. The models are down the hall.
嗨 对不起 模特儿面试在走廊尽头的办公室
I'm here about the assistant job.
Okay, well, then, all right. Well, just have a seat there.
好吧 我知道了 请坐
Um, so what's...? What your name?
That's it. That's my whole name.
That's your whole name. Of course.
Okay, let's just have a look-see here.
I haven't worked in an office before. I don't have much experience...
What are you talking about? You got three years painting houses...
...two whole summers at T.G.I. Friday's.
It's lame, I know.
But I'm a goal-oriented person, eager to learn...
Just hold on a second, please.
It's for Human Resources. Everybody has to. Would you stand up?
抱歉 这是人事部的要求 大家都得 这么做 能麻烦你站起来吗？
- Hey. - Shh, shh, shh.
- 嘿 - 嘘 嘘 嘘
- Anyway, I should go. - Okay. Bye.
- 总之我该走了 - 好吧 再见
- Hey, sweetie. - Hi, sweetie.
- 嘿 亲爱的 - 嗨 甜心
What was with all the whispering?
I can't tell you. It's a secret.
Secret? Married people aren't supposed to have secrets.
We love and respect one another too much.
But still, no, ha, ha.
We should tell each other everything. I don't have secrets from you.
Really? So tell me what happened to Ross, junior year at Disneyland.
No, I can't do that.
I'll tell you what Phoebe said.
- Okay. - Okay.
- 好吧 - 太棒了
So, ahem, Ross and I are going to Disneyland.
We stop at this restaurant for tacos.
When I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car.
So Ross has about ten tacos.
Anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Oh, my God. He threw up?
No, he visited a town a little south of throw up.
不 他从另一边 把东西全拉了出来
What was Phoebe's secret?
Um, Nancy Thompson, from Phoebe's old massage place, is getting fired.
That's it? I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
Hm, that's right. You lose, sucker!
没错 你输了 笨蛋
Please still marry me.
You have an assistant, right?
You told her I was sick, right? Always tell her I am sick.
I don't know. How do you decide who to hire?
不 我只是不知道 你怎么决定要雇用谁？
I have it down to two people.
One has great references and a lot of experience.
- And then, there's this guy. - What about him?
- 还有另一个家伙 - 他怎么了？
He's so pretty, I want to cry.
I don't know what to do.
Come on, you know what to do. You hire the first one.
少来了 你知道自己该怎么办 你得雇用第一个人
Don't hire assistants because they're cute. Do it because they're qualified.
I hear you. You make a lot of sense. Can I just say one more thing?
我知道了 你说的有道理 我可以再说一件事吗？
No. You can't... You can't hire him because it's not professional.
不 你不能雇用他 因为那么做太不专业了
Um, this is for me, yes?
Okay, you're right. I'll hire Hilda tomorrow.
好吧 你说的对 明天我会雇用西尔达
Dumb, old, perfect-for-the-job Hilda.
Don't show this to Monica.
And don't tell her about the "Wo-ha-ow!"
- Ha, ha, hey, Joey. - Hey, Terry.
- 嗨 乔伊 - 嗨 泰瑞
- Nice to see you again. - Been a while.
- 很高兴能再跟你见面 - 好久不见
Funny, these halls look smaller than they used to.
It's a different building.
...Stryker Ramoray, huh?
- When do I start? - How about right now?
- 我什么时候开始？ - 何不现在就开始呢？
Here are the audition scenes.
I thought you were offering me the part.
I was Doctor Drake Ramoray, Stryker's twin brother.
Who looks more like me than me, right?
Everybody has to audition. Ha, ha.
You know, Terry, I don't really need to do this.
你知道的 秦瑞 我真的不需要这么做
I got my own cable TV series...
...with a robot.
I'm sorry, Joey. That's the way it is.
对不起 乔伊 这是规定
...I guess you think you're pretty special, huh?
Sitting up here in your fancy, small-halled building...
...making stars jump through hoops for you, huh?
Well, you know what?
This is one star whose hoop...
This is the star the hoop... This hoop...
I was Doctor Drake Ramoray!
Hi, Tag. What are you doing here?
嗨 泰格 你在这里做什么？
I came to thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday.
I noticed there were no plants so I brought you your first.
There is a plant in your office.
So I guess I shouldn't put "good at noticing stuff" on my résumé.
- Thank you. - Anyway...
- 谢谢 - 总之…
...I'm guessing you hired somebody.
Thanks again for meeting with me.
- What? - Yeah, you got the job.
- 什么？ - 对 你得到了这份工作
- You're my new assistant. - I am?
- 你是我的新助理 - 真的吗？
- I can't believe it. - Ha, ha, me either.
- 我不敢相信 - 我也是
First, I need you to go downstairs...
...find a woman named Hilda, and tell her to go home.
- Hey. - Hey, good, you're home.
- 嗨 - 太好了 你回来了
Always nicer to hear than, "Oh, crap, you again."
我想这要比听到 "该死 又是你"还好
Hey, sweetie, I made you a surprise.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, tacos.
- 是吗？ - 对 墨西哥卷饼
Ever since that story, I've had such a craving.
Did you not understand the story?
- Hey. - Hey, what's up?
- 嗨 - 嗨 有什么事吗？
Ah, nothing. Just figuring out what to do for dinner.
Hey, ooh, what's that? Dinner stuff?
- You making dinner? - No.
- 你在做晚餐？ - 没有
What's over there? Tacos?
They're just, uh... They're...
They're ground beef smileys.
Uh, those are tacos.
Excuse me, Mr. Mexico.
Either way, I'll pass. Still can't eat those.
没关系 我不吃了 我还是不敢吃那玩意
What's so funny?
Nancy Thompson's getting fired.
Okay, okay. I had food poisoning. It's not like I chose to do it!
好吧 那时我食物中毒 我不是故意要那么做
It's not like I said, "What would make this ride more fun?"
我又没有说 "该怎么做才会更好玩呢？ "
Right. You're right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing.
对 你说的对 抱歉 我不该笑的
I should be laying down papers for you.
- How could you? - I had to. We're getting married.
- 你怎么可以告诉她？ - 我非说不可 我们要结婚了
Married couples can't keep secrets.
I... I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
- What happened? - Chandler and I are in a bar...
- 大西洋城发生了什么事？ - 钱德跟我在酒吧里…
Did you not hear me say, "Du... ude"?
And this girl is making eyes at Chandler.
So he goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing.
一会儿之后 他走过去 一两分钟后我看到他们在接吻
You're thinking he's not the type to go to bars and make out with girls.
And you're right. He's not the type...
...to go to bars and make out with "girls."
You kissed a guy?
In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
Oh, Mon, I laughed so hard...
Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again?
Whatever, dude. You kissed a guy.
随便你 兄弟 你吻了男人
How's Hilda working out?
Oh, my new assistant is working out. Yes.
喔 我的新助理适应的很好 没错
She happy she got the job?
My new assistant is very happy that I hired my new assistant.
Oh, hey! Can you hang on a second?
It's the producers at Mac and C.H.E.E.S. E...
...if you'll excuse me for a minute.
Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next week's script.
嘿 我没想到你会打来 我正在看下星期的剧本
Like, they're taking it off the air? Oh.
All right, I'll see you Monday.
We're not even shooting them anymore!
They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
- Oh, sorry. - Oh, sorry, Joey.
- 我很遗憾 - 我真的很遗憾 乔伊
Why would they do that? It was a good show, right?
他们为什么要那么做？ 那出戏很棒 对吧？
You want to tell secrets? Okay, in college...
你想说秘密吗？ 好吧 念大学时…
...Ross used to wear leg warmers.
All right, Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won.
好吧 钱德参加模仿香草冰大赛 还拿到了冠军
Ross came in fourth and cried!
Oh, is that funny? You find that funny?
Maybe Chandler should know your secrets too.
Ha, ha. Oh, I... I already told him everything.
Once, she was sent to bed without dinner...
...so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made.
Ross stayed home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls.
Monica couldn't tell time until she was 13.
It's hard for some people!
- Chandler wore my underwear to work! - Hey!
- 钱德曾穿我的内裤去上班 - 嘿
Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't think of any more for Ross.
对不起 我想不出来 罗斯还有什么挫事
In college, Chandler got drunk...
...and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm.
Whatever, dude. You kissed a guy.
随便 兄弟 你吻了男人
How could this happen to me?
Yesterday, I had two TV shows. Today, I got nothing.
Wait a minute, what happened to Days ofour Lives?
Uh, well, they might be a little mad at me over there.
Well, maybe I got a little upset, and maybe I told them where they could go.
Joey, why would you do that?
Because! They wanted me to audition.
You, an actor? That's madness!
Rachel Green's office.
Hi, who was that?
Nobody. I was just practicing.
- Hi. - Hi, Rachel Green's office.
- 嗨 - 嗨 瑞秋葛林办公室
- You must be Hilda. - Ahem.
- 你一定是西尔达 - 额
He's Tag. This is Phoebe.
- Phoebe, can I see you for a sec? - Mm-hm.
- 菲比 你能进来一下吗？ - 嗯
- Phoebe. - Mm-hm.
- 菲比 - 嗯
- Great name. - You like that?
- 这个名字很不错 - 你喜欢吗？
- You should hear my phone number. - Okay.
- 你应该听听我的电话号码 - 好吧 我们马上回来
So you hired yourself a little treat, did you?
你为了自己雇用 那个大帅哥 对吧？
I know how it looks, but I am telling you...
我知道这样看起来像什么 菲比 但是我要告诉你…
You can't get involved with your assistant.
I know that, and I know hiring him was not the smartest thing I've ever done.
我知道 我知道雇用他 不是明智之举
But, from now on, I swear this is strictly professional.
- Yes. - Hey, Rachel.
- 对 - 嘿 瑞秋
Cute assistant. What's his story?
- Is he...? - Gay? Yeah.
- 他是…？ - 是同性恋吗？对
Surprised your big head could fit through our small halls.
- I gotta go, Joey. - Wait, Terry! Look, uh...
- 我得走了 乔伊 - 等一下 泰瑞 听我说
I'm really sorry about before.
I was an idiot, thinking I'm too big to audition for you.
我是个白痴 以为自己很大牌 根本不必做试镜
- Give me another chance. - I can't.
- 再给我一次机会 - 我办不到
Wait, Terry, please!
等一下 秦瑞 求求你
Look, I just lost my other job, okay?
You have no idea how much I need this.
Please, help me out.
For old times' sake.
This guy's been in a coma for five years. It's hopeless.
It's not. Dr. Stryker Ramoray is a miracle worker.
Drake, it's your brother, Stryker. Can you hear me?
德瑞克 我是你弟弟史崔克 你听到了吗？
You know, in my defense, um...
...there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.
And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me.
- Do you have trouble telling time now? - No.
- 你现在会看时间了对吧？ - 会
- Quick, what time is it? - I don't know. Time to kiss a guy?
- 快点 现在几点了？ - 不知道 吻男人的时间到了吗？
What are you laughing at, Pampers?
You know when I said married people...
...should share everything and not have any secrets?
- Yeah? - That was stupid. Let's not do that.
- 怎么了？ - 那太蠢了 我们千万别那么做
We should keep the stuff we told each other secret from everyone else.
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna hang out with people...
...who don't know the Space Mountain story.
- Then I'd steer clear of Phoebe. - Man!
- 我建议你别去找菲比 - 天啊
Not that you would, but I wouldn't hang out with the guys at my office.
- Do you have a minute? - Sure. What's up?
- 你有空吗？ - 当然 有什么事吗？
I got asked out twice today while I was at lunch...
- Really? - Yeah.
- 真的吗？ - 对
Did you tell someone that I was gay?
Oh, did you not want people to know that?
I'm not gay. I especially wouldn't want you to think I was gay.
我不是同性恋 我特别不希望 你以为我是同性恋
- I don't think I should say. - Oh, you can say.
- 我想我不该说的 - 你说吧
Come on, I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things.
别这样 我不希望 你有事不敢告诉我
- Okay. - Okay.
- 好吧 - 好吧
- Well... - Yeah.
- 那个… - 是的
...I'd love to ask out your friend Phoebe.
Yeah, she's gay.