So I'm in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle...
...and guess who is the clue for three down?
Three down. "Days of Our Lives star, blank Tribbiani."
三下 " "我们的日子"的大明星 空格 崔比亚尼 "
That's me! I'm blank! Hey.
How cool is. We know three down. I'm touching three down.
太酷了 我们认识三下 我在碰三下
Yeah, you are, baby.
Three down knows I'm married.
- What's three down doing? - Sorry.
- 三下在做什么 - 抱歉
So do they call you to tell you your name's gonna be in this?
No. They really liked me there.
They wanted to do a profile on me. I said no.
Remember what happened the last time I did an interview?
I said I write a lot of my own lines, then the writers got mad...
...and made my character fell down the elevator shaft.
So who knows what I might say this time?
If only there was something in your head to control the things you say.
Oh, come on, Joey, you'll totally keep it in check this time.
少来了 乔伊 这次你会表现得很好
And plus, you know, the publicity would be really good for your career.
And you deserve that.
And if you do the interview, you could mention...
...oh, I don't know, gal pal Rachel Green.
Is that "gal pal" spelled L-O-S-E-R?
Okay, don't listen to him. Please?
好吧 别听他的 拜托
Fine, all right, I'll do it.
But, hey. You guys have to be at the next table...
...so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid.
Just then or all the time? Because we have jobs, you know?
Come on, we will be there for you the whole time. Just remember:
Gal pal, Rachel Green.
I'm gonna be in Soap Opera Digest.
And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle.
- Seriously, proud of you. - Yeah.
- 我真的以你为荣 - 是啊
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
You think we're being obvious?
No. We're just four people with neck problems, who talk like this.
不 我们只是四个脖子有问题 会这样子说话的人
I think it's great that you wanted to meet here.
When most people hear that the magazine's paying for it...
...they want a big, fancy restaurant.
Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying.
Wouldn't have mattered.
I'm doing this for the fans, not the free food. Ha, ha.
- Can I get you anything? - I'll have a cup of coffee.
- 你们要点些什么 - 咖啡
Yeah, and I'll have all the muffins.
- Hey. - Shh. We're not talking.
- 嘿 - 我们不能说话
So according to your bio, you've done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives.
Anything that you're particularly proud of?
# All you want is a dingle #
# 你只要一个小山谷 #
# What you envy's a shwang #
# 你的嫉妒是不需要的 #
# A thing through which you can tinkle #
# 一个可以让你引以为傲的东西 #
# Or play with, or simply let hang #
# 或是玩弄挂在身上的东西 #
Folks, this ever happen to you? You go to the fridge to get a glass of milk...
...but these darn cartons are so fringing-flanging hard to open.
Boy, you said it, Mike. I don't...
天啊 你说的对 麦克
- There's gotta be a better way. - And there is, Kevin.
- 一定有更棒的办法 - 没错 凯文
He's never used this product before.
You're gonna see how easy this is to do. Go ahead.
- This works in any milk carton. - Wow, it is easy.
- 这适用于所有牛奶纸盒 - 很简单
- Now I can have milk every day. - Ah.
So this is it, Victor?
Yeah, I guess it is. And so...
...I'm gonna get on this spaceship...
...and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels.
But when I return 200 years from now, you'll be long gone.
But I won't have aged at all.
So you tell your great-great- granddaughter to look me up.
...I'm gonna want to meet her.
Shh, shh. Okay, here I come. Here I come. See, I'm coming to fix the copier.
I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking, "What do I do? What do I do?"
So I just watch them have sex. And then I say... Wait, here's my line:
我看着他们做爱 然后我说…等一下 这是我的台词
You know, that's bad for the paper tray.
- Nice work, my friend. - Wait, wait, wait, you see me again.
- 做的好 - 等一下 我的朋友 我又出现了
Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me.
There I am. There I am. There I am.
我出现了 我出现了 我出现了
Well, there are so many things, you know, it's hard to pickjust one.
- I'm gonna get some coffee. Want anything? - Oh, yeah.
- 我要去拿咖啡 你们需要什么吗 - 好啊
- A blueberry muffin and chamomile tea. - Double latte, extra foam.
- 我要蓝莓松饼跟甘菊茶 - 双份拿铁 多点泡沫
- And a bagel with only... - I was just being polite.
- 我要贝果加… - 我只是礼貌性问一下
Okay. How about when you're not working?
What do you do in your spare time?
Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat...
...he thinks he can take up the whole river.
Get out of the way, jackass!
Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?
That is the Coast Guard.
What are they doing out here? The coast is all the way over there.
- Hi. - Hey, check it out. This is unbelievable.
- 嗨 - 你瞧 这太不可思议了
Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes.
Dude, are you trying to kill me?
Well, I see you've had a very productive day.
Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Come on, it's fun.
Isn't this a woman's hat?
Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea.
You know what? We have to turn off the porn.
I think you're right.
- All right, ready? - One.
- 好吧 准备好了吗 - 一
- Two, three. - Three.
- 二 三 - 三
That's kind of nice.
- Yeah, it's kind of a relief. - Yeah.
- 我松了一口气 - 对
- You wanna see if we still have it? - Yeah.
- 你想看我们还能不能看到它吗 - 好吧
- Free porn! We have free porn here! - Yeah.
- 我们有免费的A片 - 好耶
In my spare time, I, uh, read to the blind.
And I'm also a mento for kids.
- A mento? - You know, a mento. A role model.
- 曼陀珠 - 曼陀珠 我是他们的榜样
- A mento? - Right.
- 曼陀珠 - 对
- Like the candy? - As a matter of fact, I do.
- 吃的曼陀珠 - 事实上没错
Well, um, another thing that our readers always want to know...
...is how soap stars stay in such great shape.
Do you have some kind of a fitness regime?
Uh, we stars usually just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.
Wow, you realize we've been throwing this ball without dropping it for an hour?
I realized it a half-hour ago, but I didn't want to say anything...
...because I didn't want to jinx it.
- Wow, we are pretty good at this. - Yeah.
- 我们真的很厉害 - 对
Hey, we totally forgot about lunch.
Oh. I think that's the first time I've ever missed a meal.
Yeah, I think my pants are a little loose.
What's wrong with you?
Oh, I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before.
And then I, uh, passed out.
I haven't been able to stand up since. Ha, ha. But I don't think it's serious.
This sounds like a hernia. You have to... Go to the doctor.
Look, if I go to the doctor for anything...
...it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach.
Why'd I have to start working out again?
- What is it? - It's a trifle. It's got all of these layers.
- 它是什么 - 蛋糕布丁 它有好几层
First, there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam.
Then custard, which I made from scratch.
Then raspberries, more ladyfingers...
...then beef sauteed with peas and onions.
Then a little bit more custard.
It tastes like feet.
- Are you kidding? - What's not to like? Custard, good.
- 你在开玩笑吗 - 它有什么不好的 甜冻 好吃
Jam, good. Meat, good.
果酱 好吃 肉 好吃
Well, you don't look good, Joe.
Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.
Cold cuts, ice cream, limes.
冷盘 冰淇淋 莱姆
Hey, what was in that brown jar?
- That's still in there? - Not anymore.
- 它还在 - 现在不在了
Oh, look. There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it.
- Stick to your side. - Hey, come on, now.
- 别越界 - 少来了
All right, what are we having?
Uh, I don't believe in these crazy diets. You know, just everything in moderation.
- Your muffins. - Uh...
I'll take those to go.
Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you.
You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off.
What happened there?
I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldn't have said.
But believe me, that is not gonna happen today.
Understood. So, what did you say back then?
Oh, I said that I...
Hey, Joey! How you doing?
嘿 乔伊 你好吗
You guys, this is Shelly. She's interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest.
- Hi. - Shelly, these are my friends.
- 嗨 - 雪丽 他们是我的朋友
Hi, I'm gal pal Rachel Green.
Um, and if you want the dirt, I'm the one you come to.
This might be Joey's baby, who knows?
I'm just kidding. Seriously, gal pal Rachel Green.
Who just lost the respect of her unborn child.
- I'm gonna go get this warmed up. - Okay.
- 我得去加点热水 - 好
- Joey, you're doing great. - So far, nothing stupid.
- 乔伊 你表现得很好 - 到目前为止没有说傻话
- Mento? - No, thanks.
- 曼陀珠 - 不 谢谢
So as Joey's friends...
...is there anything you think our readers ought to know?
Uh, no, just that he is a great guy.
Yeah, that's gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest.
I would just like to say that Joey...
...truly has enriched the days of our lives.
Um, I just think that you don't expect someone so hot to be so sweet.
- Oh, I like that. What's your name? - Phoebe Buffay.
- 我喜欢 你叫什么名字 - 菲比·布非
How do you spell that? So we can get it right.
Okay, it's P as in Phoebe. H as in Heebie.
O as in Obie. E as in Ebie.
B as in Beebee. And E as in, "'ello there, mate."
比比的B "哈罗 朋友"的E
Great. Well, it was nice meeting all of you.
- Yeah, you too. - Thanks, you guys.
- 对 我也是 - 谢谢
So it seems like you have a lot of friends.
- Yeah. - Who would you say is your best friend?
- 对 - 谁是你最好的朋友
How come you have two?
Well, this one's for you.
- Get out. - No, I can't.
- 不可能 - 对 不可能
No, no. Listen, I know how much this means to you.
And I also know this is about more than jewelry.
It's about you and me and the fact that we're best buds.
Wow. Is this friendship? I think so.
Check it out. We're bracelet buddies.
That's what they'll call us.
- Oh, Joey. I'm sorry. - It's all right. Don't worry about it.
- 乔伊 对不起 - 没关系 别担心
No, but look. Oh, that's gonna leave a stain.
Rach, hey, it's fine. You're at Joey's.
瑞秋 没关系 你在乔伊家
- Really? - Yeah, look.
- 真的吗 - 对 你看
- I've never lived like this before. - I know.
- 我没有过过这种生活 - 我知道
Well, don't waste it. I mean, it's still food. Jeez.
别浪费它 它还是食物 天啊
I've been feeling guilty about this. I wanna be a good friend...
...and damn it, I am a good friend. So shut up and close your eyes.
该死 我是个好朋友 闭上你的嘴巴跟眼睛
You are a good friend.
Of course, the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it.
But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths.
And they're off. Oh.
Get your foot off my contestant. Judge.
Judge rules: No violation.
- The duck gets the Nutter Butter. - No. Wait, that's not a Nutter Butter.
- 鸭子踩到奶油了 - 不 等一下 那不是奶油
- That's an old wonton. - Judge rules: Nutter Butter.
- 那是以前掉的馄饨 - 裁判判决是奶油
- Oh. Tough call. - Yeah.
- 真的很难决定 - 是啊
I had seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.
Wait a minute. I saw that. On the Discovery Channel.
等一下 我看过它 在探索频道上
Yeah, about jellyfish, and how if you...
对 关于水母 如果你…
Ew. You peed on yourself?
ou can't say that. You don't know.
I mean, I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain.
Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't bend that way.
That's right, I stepped up.
She's my friend and she needed help.
If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
Uh, nope. No best friend.
No, just a lot of close friends. Yeah.
So, uh, now back to the show.
How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?
Wow, I don't even know any huge gay people.
It hurts me. It physically hurts me.
Now, off the record, you're not...
What? Are you referring to my man's bag?
At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out.
It's got compartments for all your stuff: your wallet, your keys, your address book.
它有很多放东西的小袋子 你可以放皮夹 钥匙 电话簿
Now, should I climb down your front so we're face to face...
...or should I climb down your back so we're butt to face?
- I think face is best. - Yeah, face to face.
- 我想面对面比较好 - 对 面对面
- Okay, here I come. - All right.
- 好吧 我来了 - 好吧
Oh, my... How much do you weigh, Ross?
天啊… 你有多重 罗斯
I'd prefer not to answer that right now. I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.
You know, when we talked about face to face...
...I don't think we thought it all the way through.
- Hey, Pheebs. - Hey.
- 嘿 菲比 - 嘿
How much of a man am I?
Nice. Manly and also kind of a slut.
You're turning into a woman.
No, I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean.
不 你为什么会那么说 那太伤人了
Now I've upset you? What did I say?
Not what you said, it's just the way you said it.
Oh, my God! I'm a woman!
- Great nap. - It really was.
- 我睡得很熟 - 没错
Me? Gay? No. No. No.
我 男同志 不
Uh, but I have a number of close friends who are.
So let's talk about women.
I'm sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
Oh, what I do is, I look a woman up and down and I say:
"Hey. How you doing?"
"嘿 你好吗 "
Hey. How you doing?
Hey. How you doing?
He has the most amazing Porsche under there.
I'd love to show you, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping.
我很乐意让你们参观 但我才刚把它停好 它在休息
Hey, would you two girls like to go for a drink?
- Is Rachel here? I'm her sister. - Oh, my God. Jill.
- 瑞秋在吗 我是她妹妹 - 天啊 吉儿
- Oh, my God. Rachel. - Oh, hi.
- 天啊 瑞秋 - 嗨
- Oh, my God. Introduce us. - Well, this is Chandler.
- 天啊 快帮我们介绍 - 他是钱德
- Hi. - You know Monica and Ross.
- 嗨 - 你认识摩妮卡跟罗斯
- Hi. - And that's Phoebe. And that's Joey.
- 嗨 - 她是菲比 他是乔伊
- Hey, how you doing? - Don't!
- 嘿 你好吗 - 不要
You're a really nice guy...
...and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend.
I'm just... You know, I just don't feel that way about you.
Oh, I see what happened. Ha, ha.
It's because I was trying to repel you. Right?
Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
相信我 我发动攻势后 你会有不同的感觉
- I don't think so. - Oh, I do.
- 我不那么认为 - 我那么认为
What? Oh, dear God.
Not much to tell there. I'm really shy.
So that's it. I guess that's all I need.
I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.
Oh, great. Great. Thank you.
- Bye. - Bye-bye.
- 再见 - 拜拜
- I did it. - Amazing.
- 我办到了 - 太棒了
Oh, wait, I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this:
等一下 我差点忘了 我们得问每个人这个问题
Other than Days of Our Lives, what's your favorite soap opera?
Oh, I don't watch soap operas. Excuse me? I have a life, you know?
我不看肥皂剧 抱歉 我的生活没那么无聊
Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest...
...will be happy to learn that.
Wow, I can't believe they didn't put in the part...
...where you said you didn't watch soap operas.
Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was joking.
She was pretty nice about it.
- You slept with her, didn't you? - A little bit. Yeah.
- 你跟她上床了 对吧 - 可以那么说
Wow. This picture of you sure is steamy.
Oh, yeah, that's just a little something for my huge gay fan base.
Did you just wink at me?
Hey, you're the one who loves the picture.