So, what's the final head count on my baby shower?
About 20. A couple people from work who had something else to do.
Also, your sisters called, neither can make it.
What? You mean they're not coming to a social event...
...where there's no men and no booze? That's shocking.
Well, I don't care. As long as my mom's here.
- Oh, my God. Your mother. - What, my mom's not gonna be here?
- 天啊 你妈 - 什么 我妈不会来吗
Well, given that we forgot to invite her...
...it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
Well, it wasn't my fault. Phoebe was in charge of the invitations.
Well, I don't have a mother. So often I forget other people...
So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?
You know what? Don't worry.
Okay? We'll take care of it. We'll call her. You go home and get ready.
Please make sure she comes. It's really important to me. It's my mom.
确定她一定会来 这很重要 她是我妈
- I know. What's her number? - I don't know.
- 我知道 她电话号码几号 - 我不知道
Go. I have it in my book. Go.
Wait a minute. If you're in charge of invitations, why am I calling her?
Hello, Mrs. Green. Hi, uh, it's Monica Geller.
喂 葛林太太 嗨 我是摩妮卡·盖勒
- Oh, hello, Monica. - Hi.
- 哈罗 摩妮卡 - 嗨
Um, I know this is last-minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu...
-...baby shower for Rachel today. - I know. My daughters told me about it...
- 帮瑞秋的宝宝办欢迎会 - 我的女儿们已经告诉我了…
...when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
- Okay, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. - For what, dear?
- 好吧 我很抱歉 - 为什么呢 亲爱的
For not inviting me, or for lying about it?
Oh, my God. My ass is sweating.
Please, please, can you come? It's today at 4.
拜托 你能来吗 欢迎会四点开始
- Well, all right. I'll see you at 4. - Thank you.
- 好吧 四点见 - 谢谢
- Isn't it at 3? - Son of a bitch.
- 不是三点开始吗 - 混蛋
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
Hey, Joe. Wanna shoot some hoops?
No, I can't go, I'm practicing. I got an audition to be the host of a game show.
我不能去 我在练习 我要参加新游戏节目主持人的试镜
- Cool. - Great.
- 酷啊 - 太棒了
Yeah, and if I get it, by day, I'll be Dr. Drake Ramoray.
But by night, I'll be Joey Tribbiani.
You'll be perfect for this. That's already your name.
The audition's in a couple hours, and I don't even understand the game.
Do you want some help?
Oh, really? That'd be great. Hey, you guys can be the contestants.
真的吗 那真的太棒了 你们可以当参赛者
Okay, I guess we can lose to junior-high girls some other time.
- All right. Let's play Bamboozled. - Bamboozled?
- 好吧 我们来玩晕头转向 - 晕头转向
Isn't that a cool name?
All right. Uh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller.
Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, Ross?
Well, uh, I'm a paleontologist. Um, I live in New York.
I have a son, Ben. Uh, hi, Ben. And, uh...
我有个儿子叫做班 嗨 班 还有…
I said a little bit, Ross. Now, how about you, Chandler?
我叫你自我介绍一下 罗斯 你呢 钱德
Well, Joey, I'm a headhunter. I hook up out-of-work Soviet scientists...
...with rogue Third World nations. Hi, Rasputin.
寻找失业的苏联科学家 嗨 拉斯普廷
Excellent. Let's play Bamboozled. Chandler, you'll go first.
太棒了 我们开始吧 钱德 你先
- What is the capital of Colombia? - Bogote.
- 哥伦比亚的首都在哪里 - 波哥大
It's Bogoda, but close enough.
Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango Card.
- What does a Wicked Wango Card do? - I should know that.
- 魔法机会牌可以做什么 - 我早该知道的
Let's see. Just one moment, please, um...
Here we are. A Wicked Wango Card determines whether you go higher or lower.
Higher or lower than what?
- This is embarrassing. - Can you believe how lame this is?
- 这真的是太丢脸了 - 你能相信这有多烂吗
I'm sorry. I don't believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.
Oh, I told the stripper to be here at 5. That's good, right?
You ordered a stripper for the shower? That is totally inappropriate.
Why? He's gonna be dressed as a baby.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Green. I'm so glad you could make it.
嗨 葛林太太 我很高兴你赶来了
Yes, thank you so much. And again, we're so sorry.
We could not feel worse about it.
There's my little girl.
- She's still mad. - Yeah, I know.
- 她还在生气 - 对 我知道
Isn't it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Phoebe, Sandra's mad at you too. It doesn't bother you?
菲比 珊卓拉也在生你的气 你不会感到困扰吗
Look, we've apologized twice. I can't do any more than that.
I know you hate it when people are mad at you...
...but, you know, you just have to be okay with it.
Okay. I can do that. Heh.
- I gotta go powder my ass. - Oh.
- 我得去帮我的屁股擦痱子粉 - 喔
Look at that face. Just like when you were in high school.
If I didn't know better, I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble.
- Come on, let's get some tea. - Okay.
- 来吧 我们去喝点茶 - 好吧
Ooh, my. Look at that. Only three weeks to go.
天啊 你看你 只剩三星期了
Now, have you picked your nanny yet?
I don't want you to just use your housekeeper...
...because it'll just split her focus.
Oh. Actually, I'm not gonna use a nanny. And, uh, I don't even have a housekeeper.
It's like you're a cave person.
Rachel, you must get a nanny.
You don't know how overwhelming this is gonna be.
When you were a baby, I had full-time help. I had Mrs. K.
Mrs. K. Oh, yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish.
K太太 对 她人真的很好 她教我西班牙文
I actually think I remember some of it:
- Such a sweet woman. - Yeah.
- 真是个好人 - 是啊
Well, however great she was, I just can't afford that.
- Oh, Rachel. - What?
- 瑞秋 - 什么
I just had the greatest idea. I'm gonna come live with you.
Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna do this for my little girl.
Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes.
All right, Ross, you're in the lead.
Would you like to take another question, or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
The Wheel has not been my friend tonight, Joey. Uh...
I'll take another question.
Okay. This is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.
好吧 这题很难 深呼吸
It's okay. I'm ready.
No, dude, you gotta hold your breath till you're ready to answer the question.
-It's part of the game. - This is ridiculous. He's not gonna hold...
- 这是游戏的一部分 - 这太可笑了 他没办法深呼…
Okay. What do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia? Triska...
好吧 如果你害怕恐惧的感觉 那该怎么说 惧…
Holy cow. That's a big word. Tris...
天啊 那个字真长 惧…
Seriously, look at this thing, Chandler. How do you say that?
- Let me see that. - This one right here.
- 让我看看 - 就是这个字
- Triskaidekaphobia. - Fear of Triscuits.
- 惧13症 - 害怕树上
- No. No. Fear of the number 13. - Fear of Triscuits?
- 不 是害怕13 - 害怕树上
It's possible. They have really sharp edges.
All right, Chandler, you're up.
Wait a minute. I believe I'm entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn.
- This game makes no sense. - You're just upset because you're losing.
- 这个游戏真的很不合逻辑 - 你很生气是因为你输了
Oh, come on, Ross. I think we're all losers here.
少来了 罗斯 我想我们都是失败者
All right. Chandler, you can either spin the Wheel or pick a Google Card.
钱德 你可以选转轮子 或选张搜索牌
Let me think, let me think. Oh, uh, I don't care.
You must choose, Mr. Bing.
- Either. It makes no difference. - Choose, you jackass.
- 那还是没有差别 - 快选吧 混蛋
- I'll take a card. - Okay, you picked the Gimme Card.
- 我要抽卡片 - 你选到了给我卡
- You get all of Ross' points. - What?
- 你拿到罗斯所有的分数 - 什么
This game is kind of fun.
You don't think it's a little crazy that you get all my points...?
I don't think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.
- Why did you invite my mother? - What?
- 你为什么要邀请我妈来 - 什么
She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
- For how long? - Eight weeks.
- 多久 - 八星期
I mean, I love my mother, but, my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.
我爱我妈 但是天啊 跟她一起吃午餐太久就是种折磨
I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.
You guys, come on. What am I gonna do?
If you don't want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
You're right. You're right. I'm about to have a baby.
I can tell my mother that I don't want her to be sleeping on my couch.
Oh, my God. She's gonna wanna sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen.
That's right. That is right.
You go over there and tell her you do not want her to live with you.
- Do not take no for an answer. - Okay.
- 别让她拒绝你 - 好吧
This is great. Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel.
And I'm just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
I have new respect for Chandler.
All right, everybody. It's time to open the presents.
好了 大伙们 该来拆礼物了
Yes, and I think that the first gift that Rachel opens...
...should be from the grandmother of the baby.
Because you're the most important person in this room. And in the world.
Well, um, I don't have a gift because I wasn't invited until the last minute.
But thank you so much, dear, for bringing that to everybody's attention.
但非常谢谢你 亲爱的 让大家都注意到这一点
How about you less important people? Let's open your presents.
- Mom, it's okay that you didn't get a gift. - Well, I kind of did.
- 你没准备礼物也没关系 - 但我也算是送了你一样礼物
- Me. Eight weeks of me. - Yeah.
- 我要跟你同住八个星期 - 是啊
Okay. See, Mom, the truth is, I can do this on my own.
好吧 妈妈 事实上我可以自己照顾宝宝
Sweetheart, I know you're gonna be a terrific mom.
I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning.
But, Mom, I really know what I'm doing. I can handle this.
Really? Remember Twinkles?
He was a hamster. I'm not gonna vacuum up my baby.
Okay, come on, Rach. It's present time.
快来吧 瑞秋 拆礼物的时间到了
You know, you're the glue holding this whole party together.
It's kind of falling apart here.
- Ooh, look. - Wow.
- 你看 - 哇
This is from your friends at work.
Ooh, my gosh. Oh, wow. Oh, I know what this is.
天啊 哇 我知道这是什么
Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Darling, that's a breast pump.
Heh. Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that.
我说过我不猜了吗 好吧 谢谢
Ooh, wow. What's this?
- It's a Diaper Genie. - Oh, it dispenses clean diapers.
- 是尿布精灵 - 用来放干净尿布的
No, it's where you put dirty ones.
Well, that's gross. Why don't you just take it outside and throw it in a Dumpster?
- You're gonna do that 10 times a day? - What, it goes 10 times a day?
- 你每天要丢十次吗 - 什么 宝宝一天可以拉十次
What are we feeding this baby, Indian food?
No, dear. That's what babies do.
Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
瑞秋 听你妈妈的话 她非常聪明
Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby
while you trot out to the garbage?
I don't know, I'd leave it on the changing table?
- What? What did I do? What did I do? - You can't leave a baby alone.
- 什么 我做了什么 - 你不能丢下宝宝一个人
Of course, I know that.
I mean, of course you never leave a baby alone. Ha, ha.
I mean, it would... She wouldn't be safe.
You know, not as safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Ha, ha.
Okay, you know what? Opening the presents is a little overwhelming right now.
So I think, um, I'm just gonna maybe open them all a little bit later.
But thank you all for coming, and for these beautiful gifts...
-...and this basket is beautiful. - It's actually a bassinet.
- 这个篮子很漂亮 - 这是摇篮
Okay, Mommy, don't ever leave me.
好吧 妈妈 别离开我
In what John Huston film would you hear this line:
"Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."
- Treasure of the Sierra Madre. - Correct.
- "碧血金沙" - 答对了
There's a possible Backwards Bonus.
- Madre Sierra the of Treasure. - Yes.
- 沙金血碧 - 对
I'd like to go up the Ladder of Chance to the Golden Mud Hut, please.
- Wise choice. How many rungs? - Six.
- 聪明的选择 几阶 - 六阶
- That noise can only mean one thing. - Hungry Monkey.
- 那个声音只代表一个意思 - 饥饿的猴子
- I'd like a Wicked Wango Card. - Okay. It's an audio question.
- 我要魔法机会牌 - 这是声音题
Name this television theme song:
Oh. Oh, my God. Okay, I know this. Give me a second.
天啊 我知道 让我想一想
- Tell it to the Time Turtle. - Shut up.
- 去跟时间乌龟说吧 - 闭嘴
- I Dream of Jeannie. - Yes. Yes, you're back in the lead.
- "太空仙女恋" - 答对了 你再度领先
Uh, I'd like to spin the Wheel.
Uh, uh, Super Speedy Speed Round.
- Is there a Hopping Bonus? - Of course.
- 跳跃有加分吗 - 当然
- Who invented bifocals? - Ben Franklin.
- 谁发明了双焦点透镜 - 本·富兰克林
Correct. Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?
- Queen Victoria. - Correct again.
- 维多莉亚女王 - 又答对了
But you forgot to switch legs between questions. So no Hopping Bonus.
- Oh! Every time. - Yeah.
- 每次都这样 - 对
- Now over to Chandler. - I'd like a Google Card.
- 对 现在轮到钱德了 - 我要搜索卡
- Are you sure? - Yes. No. Google.
- 你确定 - 确定 不 搜索卡
Oh, my God. Congratulations, Ross. Because, Chandler...
天啊 恭喜你 罗斯 因为钱德…
-...you've been Bamboozled. - No!
- 你已经出局了 - 不
- Yes! - This is the best game ever!
- 太好了 - 这是我玩过最棒的游戏
So, um, you're gonna stay with me as long as I need you?
- Of course I am. - Mom, I swear I'm not an idiot.
- 当然 - 我发誓我不是白痴
I read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth.
But I just didn't think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes.
And, guess what, the baby's coming...
...and I don't know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my Diaper Genie?
Oh, sweetie, you're gonna be fine.
- Wait, where you going? - I'm going to the bathroom.
- 你要去哪里 - 我得上洗手间
Now, don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.
It is gonna be okay.
Why are you all red and sweaty?
I just Bamboozled Chandler.
Which is not a sexual thing.
- Well, that was a quick shower. - Not if you were here.
- 欢迎会这么快就结束了 - 你没来才这么说
Wow, looks like we got a lot of good stuff.
We did. But my mom got us the greatest gift of all.
A Play-Doh Barbershop?
No. She's going to live with us for eight weeks.
Yes. She's gonna help us take care of the baby. Woo-hoo.
You're not serious.
I mean, she's a very nice woman...
...but there's no way we can take eight weeks of her.
- She'll drive us totally crazy... - Hi, Ross.
- 她会把我们逼疯… - 嗨 罗斯
Hey, Joey, hi, I'm Ray. I'm the producer of the show.
乔伊 我是雷 本节目的制作人
It's a pleasure to meet you, Ray.
And this is Duncan and Erin. They're gonna help out with the audition.
So let's get the camera rolling.
- Righty-0, Ray. - Whenever you're ready.
- 对 雷 - 你准备好了就开始
Hello. I'm Joey Tribbiani. Let's play Bamboozled.
哈罗 我是乔伊·崔比亚尼 我们来玩晕头转向吧
Erin, you get the first question. In hockey, who is known as "The Great One"?
艾玲 第一个问题 在曲棍球史上 谁被称为是“伟人”
- Wayne Gretzky. - Correct.
- 葛瑞·斯基 - 答对了
Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango Card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Uh, Joey, didn't your agents give you the revised rules?
We've eliminated all that. No wheel. No cards.
Well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn't follow it.
What's complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance...
...past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey.
You yank his tail, and boom, you're in Paradise Pond.
Yeah. All that's gone.
Um, it's basically just a simple question-and-answer game now.
Well, what's fun about that?
You expect me to be the host of a boring game...
...that's just people standing around answering questions?
Well, there'll be women in bikinis holding up the scores.
Let's play Bamboozled.
And all those dinosaur knickknacks you have...
...Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage.
- Well, we don't have a garage. - Did I say garage? I meant garbage.
- 我们没有车库 - 我说车库吗 我是说垃圾桶
You know what, Mrs. Green? Maybe it's not absolutely vital that you live with us.
- Well, Rachel needs help with the baby. - I do. I really do. I don't know anything.
- 瑞秋需要人帮忙带孩子 - 真的 我什么都不会
I'm sure that's not true.
Oh, no? Pheebs, Monica, do I know anything about babies?
是吗 菲比 摩妮卡 我会带孩子吗
- Nope. Not a thing. - Mm-mm. It's frightening.
- 不 完全不懂 - 那真的很可怕
Well, um, you know what? Even if she doesn't know anything, I do.
I have a son. His mother and I didn't live together.
Whenever he was with me, I took care of him all the time, by myself.
- That's true. You do have another child. - Yeah.
- 没错 你还有一个孩子 - 对
With another woman.
Have you no control, Ross?
That's a different issue.
Um, the point is, when the baby comes, I will be there to feed her...
...and bathe her and change her.
And more than that, I want to do all those things.
Well, then you don't need me to live with you.
Yes. You're gonna be so missed.
You're gonna be a great father.
Well, you're gonna be a wonderful grandma.
Hello? I still don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Come on, every first-time mother feels that way.
You're gonna pick it up. Hey, you will. Look, when you first came to the city...
你可以慢慢学 你会的 你刚到纽约来时…
...you were this spoiled, helpless little girl...
...who still used Daddy's credit cards, remember?
I hope you're going somewhere with this.
Look at you. You're this big executive.
You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for.
I have no doubt you're gonna be an incredible mother.
- Really? - I'm telling you.
- 真的吗 - 没错
All right, you two. I'm gonna get going.
- Oh. - Oh, no, sweetheart, you stay put.
不 甜心 别送了
I'll let myself out. It's like I'm not here. Which I almost wasn't.
我自己出去 就当我没来过这里 我差点真的来不了
You're just so funny. You're so funny. What do I do?
Nothing. You have apologized to her like a million times.
And she's been nothing but terrible to you.
And don't forget, you just threw her daughter...
...a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower.
- And she hasn't even thanked you for it. - You know what? You're right.
- 她甚至没有谢谢你 - 你知道吗 你说的对
Yeah, I mean, if you wanna say anything to her, I'd tell her off.
It is rude to leave a party without saying goodbye to the host.
And also, when someone apologizes to you...
...the decent thing to do is to accept it.
Because what I did to you, it wasn't on purpose.
But what you're doing to me now is plain spiteful.
- Spiteful? - That's right.
- 可耻 - 没错
Maybe it's time you took a good, hard look in the mirror, young lady.
Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up.
别说了 别说了 别说了
So whenever you're ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day.
只要你准备好跟我道歉 我会原谅你 再见
I can't feel my legs.
You were fantastic. I'm so proud of you.
- Yeah? I'm proud of me too. - You should be.
- 是吗 我也以自己为荣 - 应该的
- Could you get me something to drink? - You got it.
- 你能帮我拿杯饮料吗 - 没问题
Mrs. Green? Okay, I'm really sorry. I apologize. If you just... Aah!
葛林太太 我真的很抱歉 对不起 如果你…
Okay. I bit my tongue.
But I'm still really sorry.
- Okay, I'm ready. - You sure?
- 好 我准备好了 - 你确定
Yes. I've done my studying, and I really know my stuff.
Rachel Green, let's play Bamboozled.
How do you test the temperature of the baby's bathwater?
- Uh, put your elbow in it. - Excellent.
- 用手肘去试 - 非常好
How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
喂饱她 换干尿布 趴睡 被子盖紧
This is an audio question. What do you do when a baby makes this sound:
Uh, check if it's wet, check if it's hungry, burp it.
Excellent. Now, do you want another question or a Wicked Wango Card?
- A card. A card. I pick a card. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- 我要抽牌 - 对不起
You've been Bamboozled. You're gonna be a terrible mother.
I've lost sight of why we're doing this.