- Morning, roomie. - Hey!
- 室友早 - 嘿
You remembered to put clothes on this morning.
- Fifth day's the charm. - Oh.
- 第五天终于记得了 - 喔
It's so great to be back here. You're making it so easy on me and Emma.
It's great having you back. Stay as long as you want.
And when does she stop crying all night?
Hey! You're not naked. Heh.
So, hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight?
I'll probably be back around 6. But she's in the bedroom, all ready to go.
大概六点吧 她在房间里 已经准备好了
But she did fall back to sleep, so...
She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.
Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it too hard on you.
No, hey, it's been great.
没 嘿 一切都很好
I want you to know that with Rachel staying here...
all my feelings from before are totally over.
And even if they weren't...
when you walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
- Yeah, that'll do it. - Wow.
- 是啊 没错 - 哇
- I'm okay. - Really?
- 不错啊 - 真的吗？
Sure. I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out?
当然 我有没有希望过 和瑞秋快乐地住在一起？
Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
当然有 你知道的 我是有点失望 但是这又不像是离婚
- Well, actually it... - It's not a divorce. It is not a divorce!
- 嗯 事实上这… - 这不是离婚 这不是离婚
Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to get on with our lives.
Maybe start seeing other people.
Sure, why not? In fact, if you know anyone that'd be good for me?
当然 为何不呢？事实上 你有认识适合我的人吗？
- Sure. I know lots of girls. - Yeah? Any names come to mind?
- 当然 我认识很多女生 - 脑海有浮现任何名字吗？
- I was just gonna eat. Want something? - What you got?
- 我才正要吃点东西 你要吗？ - 你有什么呢？
Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots...
好的 让我看看 我们有豆子泥 胡萝卜泥…
Ooh, strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.
So how is it living with Rachel again?
- I mean, apart from the great food? - Ha, ha.
- 我是说 除了有很多好吃的之外？ - 哈 哈
I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just...
很好 很好 只是…
It's just weird what's happening with her and Ross.
Yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.
Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
- Why are they doing this? - I don't know.
- 他们为什么要这样呢？ - 不知道
They're so perfect for each other. It's crazy.
You know what's crazy? These jars.
What is there, like, two bites in here?
I just wish they'd realize they should be together.
When they moved in together,
- I figured that's where things were headed. - They should be a family.
- 我以为事情就解决了 - 他们应该是一家人
They should marry and have more children.
Yes. And they should name one of their kids Joey.
I may not have kids. Someone's gotta carry on the family name.
You know what? Maybe once they start dating and see what's out there...
they'll realize how good they are for each other.
Yeah, because it is slim pickings.
是啊 因为他俩真是龙配龙 凤配凤啊
- I had this date last night. Yuck! - Mm.
- 我昨晚约会的女生遭透了 讨厌 - 嗯
But we should probably keep it down, she's still in the bedroom.
So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna set them up with people?
I know, that just pushes them further and further apart.
I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates...
so they'll realize how good they are together.
- Ooh, that's a great plan. - Yeah.
- 真是好计划 - 是啊
You know what the best part of it is? I get to do my plan laugh:
Okay. Shh, shh. Not so loud. We don't wanna wake up, uh...
好了 嘘 不要那么大声 不要吵醒…
Hi. You guys aren't doing anything tonight, are you?
嗨 你们今晚没有计划 对吗？
See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married?
I mean, I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people.
我是说 我要让你知道 我们是非常时髦好玩的人
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.
I was just asking because I need someone to watch Emma tonight.
Sure we'll do it. What are you up to?
Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
- Oh, my God. - Wow.
- 喔 我的天 - 喔
- Why? What's the big deal? - I figured because you and Ross are...
- 为什么？有什么不对吗？ - 我以为你跟罗斯是…
What? Slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.
I think it's great you're going on a date. It sounds healthy.
I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood.
You want a job? Turn off Oprah and send out a resume.
- I'll bring her by around 7, okay? - That's perfect.
- 我七点左右带她过来好吗？ - 太棒了
You guys are gonna have so much fun. She's at such a cute age.
A couple things. Now that she eats solid food, she poops around the clock.
有几件事 现在她会吃固体食物了 所以会按时排便
And watch out for your hair because she likes to grab it.
She's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams, but, oh...
这时期的她还会在 你离开房间的时候大叫 但是…
thanks, you guys. Have fun.
Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.
- Ooh, Joey, hey. I'm so excited. - Hey.
- 乔伊 嘿 我好兴奋 - 嘿
- I just set Rachel up with the worst guy. - All right. Who is he?
- 我帮瑞秋约了一个最糟糕的男生 - 好的 是谁呢？
It's this guy I used to massage. By "massage"...
I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
- Wait till you hear who I got for Ross. - Oh, yeah.
- 等你听听我介绍谁给罗斯再说吧 - 喔 好啊
She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher.
- A teacher? - She's into history and foreign movies.
- 老师？ - 她喜欢历史跟外国影片
Oh, oh. And she loves puzzles. Huh?
Come on, who loves puzzles?
You're ruining the plan!
Joey, you fixed him up with his perfect woman.
- Oh, my God, you're right! - Yeah.
- 我的天 你说的没错 - 是啊
- She even reads for pleasure! - Ugh.
- 她甚至还喜欢读书 - 噢
- How do you know a woman like that? - I'm not allowed to know smart women?
- 你怎么会认识那种女人？ - 我不能认识聪明的女人吗？
- Joey? - I met her at the library. I went in to pee.
- 乔伊？ - 在图书馆 我进去上厕所时认识的
- So now what do we do? - Well, okay.
- 那我们现在该怎么办呢？ - 嗯 好吧
I'll call her and tell her the date's canceled and find him somebody else.
What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off...
but we don't tell Ross. He goes to the restaurant and gets stood up.
但是不要跟罗斯说 他会去餐厅等 然后被放鸽子
Ooh, I hear that's bad.
Ooh, so this is great. Rachel's gonna have a terrible date...
Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realize how good they have it together.
罗斯被放鸽子 然后他们会发现 对方才是最好的
Ah, yes, the plan.
It's not Santa's plan.
- Yeah, you know, it's not that fun. - No, I think we killed it.
- 你知道吗？不太好玩了 - 是不好玩 我们弄僵了
Emma? Emma, look at me.
Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
No, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. I didn't go.
不 没关系 没关系 我没有去
Don't cry, it's just a bit.
I'm your Uncle Chandler. Funny is all I have!
Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the 6th.
好了 让你知道一下 我从明天开始到六号都在排卵
So don't touch yourself for the next 48 hours.
I'll try to stop.
- Wait, did you say until the 6th? - Yeah.
- 你是说到六号吗？ - 是啊
Yes, it's also 2003.
Oh, my God. Today's the 6th?
I may be done ovulating!
I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant.
- Go take the test, see if we're okay. - Okay.
- 去做测试 看是不是还好 - 好的
Hey, where are all my ovulation sticks? There's only one here.
I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
I am not working! There's not much to do around here!
Excuse me. Um... Heh.
Is there a woman waiting at the bar?
Um, someone average height, dark hair? Or perhaps doing a puzzle?
Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
嗯 如果我一小时之后还在这里 帮我请他喝一杯
Um, can I get you another glass of wine?
I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I...
我不知道应不应该 不想喝到醉醺醺的 然后…
go home alone tonight.
- Got stood up, huh? - Eh, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
- 被放鸽子了 是吗？ - 没什么 只不过是跟陌生人约会
Are you worried your date came, saw you and left?
We're okay. I'm still ovulating.
Oh, good, because as of 4:00 this afternoon, I am not.
很好 因为今天下午四点的时候 我没有在排卵
So let's do this.
- I don't think I can. - Oh, come on.
- 我想我没办法 - 喔 别这样
I know you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute.
- Because of Emma. - Oh, my God, Emma.
- 因为艾玛的原因 - 天啊 艾玛
Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here.
Oh, you're right, we can't do this. We can't leave her alone.
你是对的 我们不能这样做 我们不能单独留她在这里
maybe we do it here.
I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age?
Well, she's aware when we leave a room. She may notice if we start...
- "Canoodling"? - Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw"...
- 亲热？ - 嗯 我总不能在一个娃娃面前说…
in front of the B-A-B-Y.
I don't know, I guess having sex in front of a baby...
- isn't so... - Horrifying? Scarring?
- 不是很… - 可怕？吓人？
Something people go to jail for?
- I guess you're right. - You guess?
- 我想你说的对 - 你想？
At that bed-and-breakfast, we didn't have sex...
because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
Well, what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?
Wow, everything looks so good.
I think I'm gonna have the chicken.
I just have to say this.
- You're really beautiful. - Oh. Wow, that's very sweet. Thank you.
- 你真的很漂亮 - 哇 这真是贴心 谢谢你
I'm kind of funny-looking.
- What? - Look, I mean, come on...
- 什么？ - 听着 我是说少来了
you're way out of my league. Everybody in here knows it.
I bet that guy over there is probably saying:
"Ooh, why's she out with him? He must be rich."
What do you think you want to order? I'm real excited about that chicken.
I'm not funny, either.
So if you were thinking, "Well, he's not that good-looking...
所以如果你是在想 "嗯 他倒是不太好看…
but maybe we'll have some laughs," that ain't gonna happen.
Well, come on, Steve, let's not rule out nervous laughter. Ha-ha-ha.
别这样 史提夫 我们不要让彼此尴尬
Hey, now, wait a minute, Phoebe told me...
嘿 等等 菲比告诉我…
that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.
I lost it to drugs.
I silk-screen T-shirts now.
Really? What's that like?
It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money.
做你痛恨的工作 又赚不到钱 真是非常充实啊
That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny...
没错 我没有钱 又不风趣
I live in a studio apartment with two other guys.
And I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
Now, come on. Come on, Steve.
别这样 别这样 史提夫
There must be something that you like about yourself.
I do like my hair.
- Hello? - Phoebe, it's me!
- 哈罗？ - 菲比 是我
I'm going to hunt you down and kill you.
This is the worst date ever! How could you set me up with this creep?
You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
I don't care. This guy is a nightmare.
All right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
好了 他只不过在 吸毒的时候才有点失常
- He's not stoned. - Did he go out for a cigarette?
- 他没吸毒 - 他有出去抽烟吗？
- Yeah. Four times. - My dear, sweet Rach.
- 有啊 四次 - 我亲爱的甜姐姐瑞秋
Well, our plan is working. Rachel's having a miserable time...
and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Great. Pretty soon they'll be back together.
By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico.
Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
喔 等等 那是另一个计划的结局
Oh, she's asleep. Chandler?
- What are you doing? - Emma was doing it.
- 你在做什么呢？ - 艾玛也都这样做啊
- She's asleep. That means we can... - Yes. But we have to be fast.
- 她睡了 表示我们可… - 是的 但我们必须要快
Oh, okay, I'll try.
喔 好的 我尽量
- And you can't make any noise. - Okay, I'll try.
- 而你不能发出任何声音 - 好啦 我尽量
How are you? How are you?
Where are your babysitters, huh?
Why is the bedroom door closed?
You can't have S-E-X when you're taking care of a B-A-B-I-E.
I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.
Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
Look, you got stood up. Who cares?
We're gonna show you a good time. Sit and relax.
In fact, let me bring you a crab-cake appetizer on the house.
事实上 让我免费招待您 蟹肉饼当开胃菜
Wow, free crab cakes? Well, that's nice.
Although I was hoping to have sex tonight. Heh.
Just the crab cakes.
What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? You can't do that.
- Just get out of here, okay? - I'm sorry, what's going on?
- 不要多管闲事好吗？ - 很抱歉 这是怎么回事？
Uh, okay, um, the waiters have a little pool going.
We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
You're making money off my misery?
Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.
嗯 如果你待到九点半 我就赢了
This is unbelievable. I have never been so insulted in my life.
Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.
Well, that was weird. You were loud and I was fast.
真是奇怪 你倒是很大声 我倒是挺快的
I think we may have done it this time.
Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
You may wanna get some more of those too.
Oh, my God, where's Emma? Where's Emma?
Don't ask me. I was in there canoodling you.
Okay. Okay. I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma.
好吧 我想应该是瑞秋提早回来 把艾玛带回去了
You go look across the hall, I'll call her cell.
- Okay. - You better hope we're pregnant...
- 好吧 - 你最好祈祷我有怀孕
because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel!
I can't believe I'm crying in front of you.
You must think I'm so pathetic.
No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.
不 不 不 我欣赏会哭的男人
- Really? - Don't touch my coat!
- 真的？ - 别碰我的外套
Oh. Sorry, that's my phone.
- Hello? - Hey, Rach, how's it going?
- 哈罗？ - 嘿 瑞秋 进行的怎样呢？
Oh, my God, this is the worst date ever.
Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well?
听着 我很抱歉 但是你真的认为 一切进行的很顺利吗？
- What's up? - Hey, did you stop by here?
- 怎么了？ - 嘿 你有来过吗？
- No. - Oh, my God! Then...
- 没有 - 喔 我的天 那…
Oh, thank God! Emma, there you are!
What? What do you mean, "there you are"? Where was she?
什么？"原来你在这里？" 是什么意思 她在哪里？
Uh, we were playing peekaboo. She loves it when I'm dramatic. Heh.
- Why the hell did you take her? - Because you two were having sex!
- 你为什么要带走她呢？ - 因为你们两个在做爱
- No, we weren't. - Don't you lie to me.
- 不 我们没有 - 别对我说谎
I can tell by Chandler's hair. You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
我从钱德的头发就可看出 你真懒 你就不能有一次在上面吗？
All right. All right, we were.
好啦 好啦 我们是在做爱
We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
It is unacceptable that you'd have sex with Emma in the next room.
I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
No, please don't. She will kill us.
Hey, I gotta. Unless...
嘿 我一定要 除非…
Unless you name your first-born child Joey.
- What? Why? - Hey, I may never have kids...
- 什么？为什么？ - 嘿 我可能永远都不会有小孩
and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
Your family name is Tribbiani.
Oh, ha, ha. You almost had me.
- Well, um... - Look...
- 好吧 - 听着…
I think I know the answer to this question, but...
would you like to make love to me?
Really, really not.
Ah, it's just as well.
It doesn't work anyway.
All right, well, that's good to know. Good night, Steve.
好的 那就这样 晚安 史提夫
- Hey, what's wrong? - I just had a rough night.
- 嘿 怎么了？ - 我刚度过糟糕的一晚
- Well, what happened? - Uh...
Well, I... It's kind of weird to talk to you about this, but...
Monica told me you had a blind date.
- I did too. - Oh.
- 我也是 - 噢
Uh, but is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
Oh, no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?
喔 你觉得是她看到你 然后就走了吗？
Why does everyone keep saying that?
If it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.
- That bad? - Well, he makes T-shirts for a living...
- 那么糟吗？ - 他是做T恤的
and he thought it would be appropriate to give me...
"Female Body Inspector"?
- What size is that? - Ugh.
- 这是什么尺寸的？ - 额
- So they'll name their first child Joey? - Uh-huh.
- 所以他们要把 第一个孩子取名乔伊？ - 嗯哼
How do I get them to name the next one after me?
It's easy. You just walk in on them having sex.
Oh, so they owe me, like, three Phoebes.
Oh, my God! Look, it's Ross and Rachel!
我的天 瞧 那是罗斯跟瑞秋
The plan is working!
Don't do the plan laugh.
The first dates we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.
Huh. You know, it is weird...
that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful...
on the same night Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
而在同一晚 乔伊帮你安排了一个 根本没有人出现的约会
You don't think it was intentional?
I mean, that's just stupid.
We're geniuses. Huh?
- Look at them! They're really bonding. - They're falling in love all over again.
- 瞧瞧他们 合得不得了 - 再度坠入爱河了
Oh, they see us. Oh, they look mad.
喔 他们看到我们了 看起来很生气
Oh, they figured it out. They're coming. Run!
他们知道了 他们过来了 快跑
- Where? - Mexico!
- 跑去哪？ - 墨西哥
Can you believe they're still not here?
I know. A double blind date and we both get stood up.
是啊 双对约会 我们竟然一起被放鸽子
What are the chances?
I know, I'm so bummed.
Could we have our free crab cakes now?
- What? - We've been stood up.
- 什么？ - 我们被放鸽子了
And we want our free crab cakes.
Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight.
你们俩 不用装了 今晚没有人在拿你们打赌
Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
I have such fat hands!