Hey, you guys? What are you doing tomorrow night?
Oh, well, let me see. I believe I'm...
嗯 让我看看 我想我…
Yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
Well, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.
I could fall asleep at a play.
- What is it? - It's a one-woman play called:
- 是什么样的舞台剧？ - 是一个女人的独场戏叫做…
Why Don't You Like Me? A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life.
- That sounds interesting. - That does sound interesting.
- 听起来挺有趣的 - 是听起来挺有趣的
To listen to a woman complain for two hours. I don't think it gets bet...
I know! I know. We can drive. We can vote. We can work.
我知道 我们可以开车 可以投票 可以工作
What more do these broads want?
Well, you guys will have a great time. I promise.
What? How come you don't have to go?
I wish I could, but I found out...
that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go.
But take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Ooh. Let's see. Who do I hate?
- Oops, sorry. - Okay.
- 哦 对不起 - 好的
- Okay. - Okay. Up you 90-
- 好的 - 好的 抬起来
- Oh, gosh, okay! - All right.
- 天啊 好的 - 好了
- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
- 我可以问你一个问题吗？ - 什么
Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around...
and not have it be a big deal?
No, I don't think that ever works. Why?
- No reason. - No, no. Rachel?
- 没事 - 等一等 瑞秋？
- Who do you want to fool around with? - Nobody! Forget it.
- 你想要跟谁打情骂俏呢？ - 没有人 别想太多
- You can't. - Why?
- 不行 - 为什么？
Okay, seriously, did not understand a word you just said.
说真的 你说什么 我一点都不了解
- In the hall. - Okay.
- 到走廊去 - 好
- You wanna fool around with Joey? - Yeah.
- 你想要跟乔伊打情骂俏？ - 是啊
Ever since I had that dream about him, I can't get it out of my head.
I mean, what's the big deal? People do it all the time.
Who do you know that are friends that just fool around?
Okay. Off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
好的 随便想想… 唐跟珍娜
- Who are they? - I know them from work.
- 他们是谁？ - 工作上认识的人
- Both of them? - No, just one of them.
- 两个都是吗？ - 不 只有其中一个
I don't know. What were the names I just said?
No, Rachel, things could get incredibly complicated.
You're right. I won't do anything with Joey. I just thought it...
好吧 你说的对 我不会对乔伊怎样的 我只是以为…
Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon, a pound of baking soda and a red onion?
好的 那就两杯的龙蒿 一磅的苏打粉 还有红洋葱
What the hell are you cooking?
You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today.
Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
但是罗斯 是你自己选择 要谈论恐龙的工作的
There are these two professors who are joining my department...
and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
What's bad about that?
I just know they'll be a couple of old windbags...
wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.
What? These aren't suede.
Excuse me. I'm looking for someone.
You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?
Hi. Hi, I'm Ross Geller.
- Oh, hi. I'm Professor Wheeler. - Oh.
- 嗨 我是魏勒教授 - 噢
Oh, that's... That's... That's nice.
It's good to meet you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to show me around.
No, it's no big deal.
If I weren't doing this, I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
如果我没有这样做 反正我也只是 在健身房健身而已
Is he gonna introduce us?
I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.
By the way, I really enjoyed your paper...
on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
I wrote that in one night.
Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.
Well, we should probably get going.
We've got a lot of ground to cover.
Isn't another professor supposed to come with us?
I'm pretty sure. A Professor Spafford from Cornell?
Well, he's obviously late, and the rule in my class is:
If you can't come on time, then don't come at all.
An option that many of my students use.
- Shall we? - We shouldn't wait for him?
- 我们要走了吗？ - 我们不用等他吗？
You know what, he's a big boy. I'm sure he'll find us, okay?
你知道吗？他是个大男孩了 我确定他可以找到我们的 好吗？
- Professor Geller? - Oh, damn it!
- 盖勒教授吗？ - 喔 妈的
Hi, it's Jan Rogers. Can't wait for your party tonight.
嗨 乔伊 我是珍罗杰 等不及要参加你今晚的派对了
Listen, I forgot your address. Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye.
我忘记你的地址了 可以回电给我吗？谢谢 拜
It's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.
I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day.
- You know me, work comes first. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- 你知道我的 工作最重要 - 是啊 是啊
Hi, it's Jan Rogers. Can't wait for your party tonight.
嗨 乔伊 我是珍罗杰 等不及参加你今晚的派对了
Stupid Jan Rogers!
You are having a party tonight?
I'm kind of having a thing for the Days of our Lives people.
You weren't gonna tell us?
How did you think you'd get away with that?
I do it every year.
You do that every year?!
I didn't have to tell you that!
God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers!
That's why you got us tickets to that play, to get rid of us!
Last year is that why you sent us to that Medieval Times restaurant?
The year before that, you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
I can't believe you guys went for that one.
Why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?
You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people.
你还好 但是其他人在名人面前 都表现的像傻瓜一样
Well, then, so just invite me.
Please, I was trying to be nice. You're the worst one.
拜托 我只是在说好听话 你是最糟糕的
Joey, come on! Please, please? Let me come. I will behave. I promise.
乔伊 别这样 拜托啦 让我参加 我会克制自己 我保证
- I will behave. Please, please, please. - Okay, fine. You can come.
- 我会克制自己 拜托 - 好啦 你可以参加
But don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.
A soap-opera roof party?!
I'm going to a soap-opera roof party! Uh, my God! Oh, my God!
我要参加肥皂剧屋顶派对 喔 我的天啊 …
And it's out of my system.
And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galépagos.
There was a seafood buffet you wouldn't believe.
There were clams and mussels and oysters...
and cracked crab...
It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
So where did you get your undergraduate degree?
- And that's not all I'm allergic to. - Oh, it's not over.
- 而且我不只对那些过敏 - 喔 还没有结束啊
I'm also allergic to peanuts and cashews...
and almonds and filberts...
So basically all nuts!
You're kind of playing it fast and loose with the word "interesting."
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to use the restroom.
I've lost the will to live.
- Let's ditch him. - What?
- 我们甩了他 - 什么？
While he's still in the bathroom. I am begging you.
快点 在他还在洗手间的时候 我求求你
Okay. Okay, fine, but I just have one question for you.
When we exit, should we walk or run...
我们出去的时候 应该是用走的 跑的…
or prance or stroll...?
Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow, but he might pee fast. Okay, let's move!
别说了 他的话说得漫 搞不好尿得很快 我们快走
Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie.
Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
查莉 这是菲比 还有我妹妹摩妮卡
- Hi. - Charlie will be joining my department.
- 嗨 - 查莉将要加入我们系上
- You're a paleontologist too? - Yeah.
- 你也是古生物学家吗？ - 是的
Oh, okay. Now, what do you think...
of Renyard's new theory of species variegation in segmented arthropods?
I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas.
Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this. Excuse me.
很抱歉 我要接一下电话 不好意思
Renyard's theory of species variegation?
I saw the article on your coffee table. I memorized the title to freak you out.
So did you two have fun?
Oh, my God. She's great.
We have so much in common, and she's just cool, you know? And funny.
我们有许多共同点 她真是太酷了 你知道吗？还很风趣
And I don't know if you've noticed, but she's a hottie!
Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what, I'm not feeling really well...
and I don't think I'm gonna get to go to the play.
Really? What's wrong?
I don't know. I think it's kind of serious.
You know, I was watching this thing on TV this morning...
about Newcastle disease, and I think I might have it.
Newcastle disease is a secretion-borne virus...
that only affects chickens and other poultry.
Okay, who's this?
I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler. She's a colleague.
抱歉 瑞秋 这位是查莉魏勒 她是我同事
Hi. Well, I would shake your hand...
but I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease.
- Rachel, can I see you for a second? - Sure.
- 瑞秋 我可以跟你谈一下吗？ - 当然
Okay, then why are you all dressed up?
When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better.
当你生病的时候 你会做任何事情 来让自己觉得好过一些
You just want to stay home so you can make a move on Joey.
No, I heard you before. That is so not what this is.
不是 我听进去了你之前说的话 事情不是这样的
Okay, then what is this?
Joey is having a secret Days of our Lives party up on the roof.
And he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you.
What? What's going on?
Joey is having a secret Days of our Lives party up on the roof!
He didn't want you to know about it, but I came over here to tell you.
- You came to say you were sick. - All right, professor or detective?
- 我以为你是来说你生病的 - 你到底是教授还是侦探
Wait, Joey's having a party, and he wasn't gonna invite us?
等等 乔伊要开派对 但不邀请我们？
He does it every year. That's why he's sending you to the play.
That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory.
And that horrible museum tour?
No, I arranged that.
Hey, you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
你们好 我要睡了 祝你们玩的愉快
We know about your party, Joey.
- What party? - The game's over. Take off your robe.
- 什么派对？ - 游戏结束了 把睡袍脱掉吧
Close it up! Close it up!
Hey, you made it! All right!
嘿 你来了 太好了
Glad you could make it. Thanks for coming.
- Oh, my God. Kyle Lowder! - Hi.
- 我的天啊 凯尔罗德 - 嗨
Hey. That's why I didn't invite you. You have to calm down, all right?
喂 这就是我为什么不想邀请你 你要冷静点 好吗？
Just get yourself a drink or something.
Oh, yeah, that's what you want. My inhibitions lowered.
My God, can you believe we're surrounded by all this?
我的天啊 你敢相信我们 被这些人包围着吗？
I can barely control myself.
You might want to remember that you're married.
Where is Chandler anyway?
Oh, my God! Chandler!
Where the hell is everybody?
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
Chapter 1: My First Period.
Hey, Joey said no autographs.
But if she's getting one, I want one too!
"To Monica." And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love."
"给摩妮卡" 而且别写什么 "祝福"之类的 要写"爱"
Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was giving me his phone number.
事实上 摩妮卡 马修只是给我他的电话
Oh, man! lfl had known I was coming to this party...
天啊 如果我知道 我要参加这个派对…
I never would've gotten married!
- It was nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- 很高兴认识你 瑞秋 - 很高兴认识你
- Call me. - We will!
- 打电话给我 - 我们会的
- Look at you with all the guys! - Yeah.
- 瞧瞧你周旋在众多男生之间 - 嗯
I guess you've forgotten Joey.
Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten aboutJoey.
And clearly, you've forgotten about Chandler.
Please. Chandler's the love of my life.
Oh, leather pants! Have mercy!
So it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?
Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving. I just broke up with someone.
Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard.
Especially after working with a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer.
Actually, Albie is the guy I broke up with.
- You dated Albert Wintermeyer? - Yeah.
- 你跟亚伯特温麦尔交征过？ - 是的
And you called him "Albie"?
I mean, that's like calling Albert Einstein...
我是说 这就像是叫 亚伯特爱因斯坦…
Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
You think? I mean, you dated the guy...
who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
Yes, and while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend...
是的 而那正是每个人 对男朋友的需求
he had a lot of issues.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. It's just that this must be...
很抱歉 我不是要刺探隐私 只是跟…
what regular people experience when they watch Access Hollywood.
Okay, you want the dirt?
Albie was seriously insecure.
He was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.
Who's intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
A guy who won two.
Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart?
Yeah, for three years.
Have you ever dated someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
But there was my first boyfriend, Billy.
Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him?
No, but he did just win a MacArthur "genius grant."
没有 但是他倒是得过麦克阿瑟的 "天才奖学金"
Hey, Ross. How's it going with Charlie?
嘿 罗斯 跟查莉进行的如何呢？
Oh, great. After I finish my wine...
I'm gonna blow my average-sized brains out.
She only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners.
Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant earlier today...
I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretended to be a woolly mammoth.
I always loved that.
Of course you would! Your brains are smaller than mine!
I can't compete with the guys she goes out with.
They're so out of my league.
- Worse? - Oh, much, much worse.
- 还有更糟的吗？ - 比那还糟
I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians.
"Can we walk?"
- Oh, you like that? - No.
- 你喜欢吗？ - 不
Come on! I think that's funny!
I bet you're thinking that now would be a great time for an intermission, huh?
Oh, yes. God, yes.
是的 上帝 拜托
Well, you're not gonna get one!
Because in life, there are no intermissions, people!
Now, Chapter 7: Divorce is a Four-Letter Word!
How could he leave me?!
I don't know. You seem lovely.
Ross, this is one of my costars, Dirk. Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.
罗斯 这是我同事登克 登克 这是我好朋友罗斯
- Nice to meet you. - So, what show are you on?
- 很高兴认识你 - 你是哪出戏的呢？
I'm not an actor. I'm a professor of paleontology.
- That's science. - Oh.
- 科学的东东 - 喔
Hey, well, listen, I play a scientist on Days.
嘿 听着 我在 《我们的日子》袒面演的是科学家
Yeah, my character just won a Nobel Prize.
Dirk was wondering about the woman you brought and if you two are together?
罗斯 登克想问你带来的那个女生 是不是你的女朋友
Oh. Well, no, but...
嗯 不是 不过…
I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
I'd lead with that.
That's it. Just sign right on the bra.
Don't worry, Joe. I won't come next year!
What do you got there?
Just some boys gave me their phone numbers.
- Oh, really? Let me see. - Oh.
- 真的吗？ - 让我看看
Damn, that's a lot of guys.
Are you a little slutty?
Let me see if I approve of any of these clowns.
- This guy wears a rug. - Well...
- 这个男的戴假发 - 喔…
This guy's Canadian.
Oh, and this guy is in a cult, okay?
It'll cost you $5000 to get to level three, and I don't feel any different.
Pass. Pa... Oh, pass. Pass.
跳过 哈…喔 跳过 跳过
- Why? What's wrong with these guys? - Well, nothing major.
- 为什么？这些男生有什么不好的？ - 没什么特别不好
It's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you...
and you deserve the best.
Joey, you're so sweet.
It's true, but it doesn't matter. I already know who you're going home with.
那倒是 不过没关系 我已经知道你会跟谁回家了
Yeah, because we live together. It's a joke! It's a joke.
是啊 因为我们住在一起 开玩笑的 开玩笑的
Right! That's funny! I get it!
是啊 真好笑 我听懂了
- Got you! - You're funny, Joey.
- 吓到你了 - 你真好笑 乔伊
So how did you enjoy the play?
Oh, my God. Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry.
我的天 亲爱的 我真是抱歉
You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
- You really liked it? - Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated it.
- 你真的喜欢吗？ - 对 一开始我是很讨厌的
But why wouldn't I? Because as a man, I've been trained not to listen!
我一定会的啊 因为身为男人 我就是被训练成不要聆听的
But after Chapter 16: Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle...
但是在第十六章之后 《肥胖 单身而且准备好要乱搞》
- Oh, really? - Oh, yeah.
- 真的吗？ - 是的
I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman.
Tell me... Tell me about your first period.
Did somebody sign your bra?
So I got it when I was 13. Very difficult.
Hey, Ross? So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl?
罗斯 听着 关于你跟那国恐龙女生的事
Are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel Prizes scare you off?
What is that? Come on, a piece of paper?
It's actually a million-dollar prize.
But my point is...
okay, so she dated them, but she also broke up with them.
Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Ph.D.
Yeah, maybe, and I do have my whole career in front of me.
I could still win a Nobel Prize.
Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.
You're so much more than just brains. You are sweet and kind and funny.
你不只是聪明而已 你很贴心 很仁慈又很风趣
Okay, well, give her a chance to see all that.
Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
- Thanks. I'm gonna go find her. - Good for you.
- 谢谢 菲比 我要去找她了 - 太好了
Your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian Era was topnotch.
Stop going through my stuff!
I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kiss Joey.
No! You can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
不 你不行 朋友乱搞是件坏事
Please! What about you and Chandler?
That's different. I was drunk and stupid.
What about all the guys that you got the phone numbers from?
- Why don't you just kiss one of them. - I could...
- 你为什么不去亲其中一个 - 我是可以…
but I don't want to. I want to kiss Joey.
All right. I think it's a big mistake, but it's your decision.
好吧 我认为这样是不对的 但那是你自己的决定
- And I can't stop you? - No.
- 而我无法阻止你吗？ - 对
Hey, Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere?
嘿 瑞秋 你有看到查莉吗？
I'm smarter than him!
Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
嘿 谢谢你送我们票 钱德
This was a really important experience for me. I wanted to share it with you.
You're so wonderful.
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
Chapter 1: My First Period.
I can't believe you guys bought that. Enjoy your slow death.