I'm so glad someone's here. Could you zip me up?
- Sure. - Thank you.
- 当然可以 - 谢谢
Can you believe no one between my apartment and here...
...offered to do that for me?
So why are you so dressed up?
Mike's picking me up for a date.
How's that going? Is it getting serious?
I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I like him.
我不知道 我不知道 我是蛮喜欢他的
But am I ready to take my Grade A loins off the meat market?
I'm not quite sure.
You know, I really admire your whole dating attitude.
It's so healthy. I'm always like, "Is this moving too fast?
Is this moving too slow? Where's this going? "
I know. You are a bit of a drama queen.
You're so much better off. You just go from guy to guy having fun...
...and not worrying that it never turns into anything serious.
I wouldn't say "never."
You know, there is that guy.
Okay, well, what about...?
Okay, there's gotta be someone.
- There isn't! That's what I'm saying. - Oh, my God, you're right!
- 根本就没有 我就说吧 - 哦 天啊 你说的没错
I know. And yet, here you are, all ready for the next date.
I can't believe I never realized this before.
I'm in my 30s, and I've never been in a long-term relationship.
Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?
哦 天啊 我是有什么毛病？
There's nothing wrong with you.
I mean, you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married.
I want to get married!
No, please... Please don't cry because of me.
I don't know what I'm talking about, okay? I've been divorced three times.
At least you've been married.
Oh, my God! I want to trade lives with Ross? !
哦 我的天啊 我竟然羡慕起罗斯了？
- What's wrong? - Nothing. I'm excited about our date.
- 怎么了？- 没事 要跟你约会太兴奋了
Mike, this is Ross Geller. Ross, this is Mike...
麦克 这位是罗斯盖勒 罗斯 这位是麦克…
- Sorry, I didn't catch that. - Mike Hanigan.
- 对不起 我没有听清楚 - 麦克汉尼拔
- Ross Geller. - Hey.
- 罗斯盖勒 - 嘿
So are you sure you're ready to go?
- Do you have a compact in your purse? - No.
- 你皮包里有小镜子吗？- 没有
- Hey, Joey. - This girl won't turn around.
- 嘿 乔伊 - 那个女的就是不转过来
I can't tell if she's hot or not. What do you think?
Joey, I am not going to objectify women with you.
But if her face is as nice as her ass...
- Mama! - All right. Thanks.
- 妈咪咪啊 - 好的 谢谢
- Have you talked to Chandler? - He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend.
- 你有跟钱德讲电话了吗？- 他这周末要留在土尔沙
- How come? - I don't know. He has to work.
- 为什么？- 我不知道 有工作要做
There's some big rush on the...
Damn it. I'm gonna have to start listening when he talks about his job.
Why don't you fly out there and surprise him?
Maybe I will go.
We'll have a little second honeymoon at the Tulsa Ramada.
You should bring your black see-through teddy with the attached garters.
- How do you know I have one of those? - Didrt until just now.
- 你怎么知道我有那件呢？- 本来不知道 现在知道了
I said that I think you're hot.
And... now I'm embarrassed.
I thought you said "hi."
That would've been better.
I'll try that. Hi, I'm Joey.
我来试试看 嗨 我是乔伊
Look, I don't normally ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses.
I would love to go out with you.
Did I...? Did I actually ask you?
That's just where you were going. I figured I'd help you out.
You don't seem like the kind of guy who does this a lot?
- So how'd the date go? - Well, it was awful.
- 约会还好吗？- 糟透了
Every time I thought about what you said, I cried.
- So he hasn't called? - Would you call this girl:
- 他还没打来吗？- 你会打给这种女的吗？
"Thanks for... a lovely... evening"?
Now I feel terrible. This is all my fault.
You know what you should feel terrible about?
This could have been my serious guy.
He was sweet and smart and funny.
You know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?
We are a rare breed.
What a great dinner.
Thanks again for letting me have that last piece of cake at the restaurant.
You're welcome again. I'm gonna go make some coffee.
- Can I get you anything? - Do you have any cake?
- 你要什么呢？- 你有蛋糕吗？
So this is going pretty good.
Dinner was nice. We've got a lot in common.
We even like the same books.
There's a scary painting.
I think I've been scared by that painting before.
You know what? This whole place looks familiar.
I have definitely been in this apartment.
I know I've seen this weird plant before.
It did that the last time!
Oh, my God. I've gone out with this girl before.
哦 天啊 我跟这个女的约会过
Yeah! We had sex on this couch!
And then on that chair, and... No.
然后在那张椅子上 还有… 不对
No, we didn't do it here...
...which is weird, because it seems like a perfectly good place.
Hey, Mike. Sorry to just drop by like this. Can I come in?
嘿 麦克 很抱歉这样跑过来 我可以进来吗？
I'm Ross. Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse?
I really, really need to talk to you about something.
You're not gonna try and get me to join a cult, are you?
No, it's just, you know, you have that look.
没啦 因为 你知道的你长得很像那种人
- Well, what's up? Is Phoebe okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- 怎么回事呢？菲比还好吗？- 喔 还好 还好
Phoebe is great. But...
I'm an idiot, okay?
Right before you guys went out...
...I accidentally got her all upset.
That's why she was weird.
Yeah, I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship.
But you should know, she is so much fun. A wonderful person.
- Please, don't blow her off. - I'm not gonna blow her off.
- 拜托 别将她判出局 - 我不会判她出局的
I just spoke to her. We're going out tomorrow night.
I mean, I hope that's okay with you, stranger from the coffeehouse.
Well, then, I didn't need to bother you.
You or the four other Mike Hanigans I bothered.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Is that true what you said?
等等 等等 你刚刚说的是真的吗？
Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
If she's never had a serious relationship...
...do you think I'd go around broadcasting it...
...like some kind of unstoppable moron?
- But you did say it. - Yes. Yes, I did.
- 但是你的确是那样说了 - 是的 是的 我是说了
And I will also say...
...what I'm about to say...
Phoebe has never had a serious relationship...
...her super-serious relationship...
- Vikram? - What? That's a real name.
Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas?
Maybe I'll hit the gym.
Who am I kidding? Pay-per-view porn.
- Do not disturb! Do not disturb! - Surprise!
- 不要打扰 不要打扰 - 惊喜吧
- Monica? - Is everything all right?
- 莫妮卡？- 一切都还好吧？
Yeah, everything's great. I was just...
...watching some regular television there.
What a pleasant surprise.
- I'm gonna go freshen up, okay? - Okay, honey.
- 我去梳洗一下 好吗？- 好的 亲爱的
- Hello. - Hey, Rach, it's me.
- 喂 - 嘿 瑞秋 是我
Okay, I just got to Chandler's room, and I caught him...
That couldn't have been pretty.
But you know, guys do that.
Well, the weird part is...
...he was getting off... to a shark-attack show!
- No! - Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!
- 好恶 - 是的 钱德竟然在看鲨鱼色情片:
- While watching sharks? - Yeah.
- 在看鲨鱼的时候？- 是啊
Are you sure that's what he was doing?
You know how many times I've seen him jump up like that?
Believe me, I know what he was doing.
I always knew there was something weird about that dude.
You promised to love him no matter what.
"What" means, like, if he gets a disease or kills someone.
Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws.
You know what, honey? Guys are just different.
They like things that we can't understand.
I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend...
...that he was an archeologist, and I was this...
...naughty cavewoman who he unfroze from a block of ice.
Are you talking about my brother?
I didn't disguise that very well, did I?
I went out with this girl last night. Halfway through our date I realized...
...I already slept with her.
You've slept with all the women in N.Y., and now you're going around again?
That's not even the weird part.
- She didn't remember sleeping with me! - You don't remember sleeping with her.
- 她竟然不记得跟我上过床了 - 你也不记得跟她上过床啊
But she should remember sleeping with me. I am very memorable!
- You guys know. - How do we know?
- 你们知道的 - 我们怎么会知道呢？
- We've never slept with you. - And whose fault is that?
- 我们又没有跟你上过床 - 那是谁的错呢？
What's the big deal? You forgot, she forgot.
又没有什么大不了的 你忘了 她忘了
- Maybe you were having an off night. - Hey!
- 或许那天晚上你没有达阵 - 嘿
I never have an off night. Okay?
Although, sometimes if I'm a little bloated, I don't feel that sexy.
But even then, I'm better than most!
Honey, why don't you just let it go and ask her out again?
You're both so slutty, you don't remember who you slept with.
You're made for each other.
Well, I'll go out with her again and I'll try to get past it.
好吧 我会再跟她出去 然后忘了过去
- Joey? - What?
- 乔伊？- 干嘛？
You don't think sharks are sexy, do you?
Wait a minute. Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?
等一下 等等 小美人鱼是鲨鱼吗？
- Hey. - Mike called! We're going out again!
- 嘿 - 麦克打电话来了 我们要再约会了
Quick thing. I went to talk to Mike.
What did you...? What did you do, Ross?
Oh, boy. You got mad at that part.
喔 天啊 光这样你就生气了
I went over there, you know, to tell him how...
How great you are. But...
Well, you know me. Blah-blah-blah.
嗯 你知道我的 话太多了
- And I ended up telling him that... - What?
- 然后我最后竟然告诉他 - 什么？
You had a six-year-long relationship...
...with a guy named Vikram.
...to bum hard when I told him you'd never been in a serious relationship.
If you hadrt just had a baby with my best friend...
...I swear to Lucifer...
...a rabid dog would be feasting on your danglers right now!
I think you'll feel differently when you know...
...a little bit about Vikram.
He's a kite designer.
And he used to date Oprah.
I'm not going along with some lie you made up, Ross.
- I'm just gonna be honest with him. - Good.
- 我会跟他老实说 - 很好
Just be honest with him.
- I have nothing to be ashamed of. - No.
- 我没有什么好隐瞒的 - 没错
So I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer than a month.
Okay? I haven't had a real boyfriend.
If he can't handle it, then he can leave. Which he will.
如果他无法接受 那他可以离开 我想他会离开的
And, you know, that's okay. So I'll just be alone forever.
You know, all right. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
I'll go on walking tours with widows and lesbians.
- I'll get it. - Okay.
- 我去开门 - 好的
I'm trying to remember the last time I opened a door and you werert there.
Phoebe, are you okay?
Yeah. There's just...
There's something you should know.
Vikram just called.
So it was really a shock after 25 years of marriage...
...my parents getting divorced. I took it the hardest...
...because I was the youngest. - Sure. Yeah.
- 因为我是老么 - 当然咯
How can you not remember me?
How could you not remember that we slept together?
- What? When? - I don't know!
- 什么？何时？- 我不知道
I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you.
我真的 真的认为 如果有我会记得的
Come on, come on. Search your brain, all right? It was...
快点 快点 仔细回想 好吗？那就在…
...a certain amount of time ago. I was here. You were here.
We had sex here, here, here...
我们在这里 这里 这里
- Anything? - No, it's not ringing any bells.
- 想起来了吗？- 没 一点印象也没有
How many people have you been with not to remember this?
Hey, Hayley. We really gotta fix that doorknob.
嘿 海莉 我们真的要修理那个门把了
And you obviously remember me! Hey, I still got it!
而且很明显的你记得我 嘿 表示我还不赖
I'll let myself out.
And I said, "Okay, Vikram...
...you can't just call every time you get lonely.
You gave up that right when you slept with Rachel."
Rachel? I thought she just had a baby with Ross.
But Emma's birth certificate might say "Geller"...
...but her eyes say "Mukherjee."
That is so wrong. And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?
I know. But he calls, and my heart goes to him.
You know, that bastard is one smooth-talking freelance kite designer.
I think there's somebody better out there for you.
I mean, you know, I'm... I'm not saying me, but...
我是说 你知道的 我… 我不是指我 但是…
And you don't have to worry about glue-sniffing with me.
Although, I do smell the occasional Magic Marker.
Yeah. Anyway, I just...
是啊 反正 我只是…
I think I can make you happy.
- Okay, I can't do this. - What's wrong?
- 好了 我办不到 - 怎么了？
Well, there is no Vikram. Ross made him up.
I really never have been in a long-term relationship.
I've never lived with a guy. I've never even celebrated an anniversary.
If that's too weird for you...
...and you want to leave, I understand.
In fact, I'll close my eyes to make it less awkward.
事实上 我要闭上双眼 让这一切不至于太尴尬
- You don't think I'm a total freak? - No.
- 你不认为我是怪人吗？- 不
Can I think you're a little weird and also cool...
...for telling me the truth and also want to kiss you?
Can I think it's cool that you kissed me...
...and also want to kiss you again?
And be a little concerned about the Magic Markers?
Hi, honey, I'm home.
嗨 亲爱的 我回来了
- How was your flight? - It was great.
- 旅途还好吗？- 不错
Why don't you sit down.
Get yourself comfortable.
Because I have a little...
...surprise for you.
Well, well, well. It must be 5:00 in Tulsa...
哦 哦 哦 土尔沙现在一定是五点
...because it's "sex o'clock" in N.Y.C.!
Okay. This is how much I love you.
Why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around?
Is this...? Is this not the good part?
Do you want me to fast-forward to something... toothier?
No, I'm just not sure that you got the right movie, that's all.
This is the only one they had at our video store.
Though they did have something called Crocodile Killers.
Or does it always have to be sharks?
Does what always have to be sharks?
Look, we can do something else.
Do you want me to get into the tub and... thrash?
- What's going on? - It's okay. It's okay.
- 到底是怎么回事？- 没关系 没关系的
- Let me be a part of this. - Let me be a part of this!
- 让我了解这一切 - 是你应该让我了解这一切
I saw what you were doing in Tulsa.
Angry sharks turn you on!
Then why were you watching them and giving yourself a treat?
Oh, my God! When you came in, I switched the channel.
哦 天啊 当你一进来我就转台了
I was just watching regular porn.
Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned, American, girl-on-girl action.
是的 只不过是一些正常老套 美式的女对女动作片
Can I tell you how happy that makes me?
You are an amazing wife.
Really, you are amazing. You were actually gonna do this for me?
真的 太不可思议了 你真的愿意为我这样做？
Where do you find the strength and the understanding for that?
I'm very, very drunk right now.
Ordinarily, I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken.
Did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?
Maybe this is a wake-up call. You know, about your whole dating attitude.
You're in your 30s and you have never been in a long-term relationship.
Here you go from woman to woman...
...meaningless experience to meaningless experience.
Never even worrying that it doesn't turn into something more serious.
You're right. I love my life!
I actually did sleep with her.