And that's why, no matter what Mommy says...
we really were on a break. Yes, we were.
我们是真的暂时分手了 是的 没错
Yes, we were. Heh. Come here, gorgeous.
是的 没错 来吧 漂亮宝贝
Look at you. You are the cutest little baby ever.
You're just a little-bitty baby, you know that? But you've got...
You've got big, beautiful eyes.
Yes, you do. And a... And a big, round belly.
是的 你有 还有… 还有大大圆圆的肚肚
I like big butts and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
When a girl walks in With an itty-bitty waist
And a round thing in your face You get...
Oh, my God, Emma. You're laughing.
喔 天啊 艾玛你在笑
Oh, my God. You've never done that before, have you?
喔 我的天 你从没有这样过 对吗？
You've never done that before. Daddy made you laugh, huh?
你从来没有这样过 爹地逗你笑了 对吧？
Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.
What? What? You wanna hear some more? Um...
My anaconda don't want none Unless you got buns, hun
I'm a terrible father. Oh.
- Hey. - Hey, listen.
- 嘿 - 嘿 听着
- What do you know about investments? - How come?
- 你们懂得投资吗？ - 怎么了？
I'm starting to make good money on the show, and I should do something with it.
- What do you do with your money now? - It's taped to the back of my toilet tank.
- 那你现在是把钱放在哪里呢？ - 藏在我家马桶水箱后面
I didn't say that. It's in a bank guarded by robots.
- Do you have any ideas? - Uh, this guy at work got me excited...
- 你有什么想法吗？ - 有个同事的提议让我觉得很兴奋
about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kind of cool, huh?
Pitching in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus.
Joe, emus are birds. You raise them for meat.
乔伊 鸸鹋是鸟类 是养来当食物的
People eat birds. Bird meat.
Do they just fly into your mouth? Or you go in a restaurant and say:
"Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." Ha-ha-ha.
Or maybe just a wing. Or a...
You should consider something a little less risky.
I think real estate is your best investment.
The Fed just lowered the rates, and the interest on your mortgage is deductible.
That's right. I know some stuff.
Real estate, huh? Hmm.
Oh! And you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard!
Oh, and you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!
My dad told me. They play golf together.
Oh! Well, maybe I'll join them sometime.
I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand...
and beat the mustache off his face.
Hi! You have to help me pick a dress. I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
嗨 你们要帮我选衣服 我今晚要跟麦克的父母见面
Wow, the boyfriend's parents. Big step.
哇 男朋友的父母亲 真是一大步
Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
They'll love you. Just be yourself.
They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue.
- Oh, yeah, she can't be herself. - Ugh.
- 那她就不能自然随性了 - 啊
Okay, so, all right, which dress?
好了 那么 哪一件呢？
- You can say neither. - Oh, God. Neither.
- 你们可以说都不好 - 喔 天啊 都不好
I'm sorry. We'll take you shopping. It'll be fine.
我很抱歉 我们会带你去买衣服 没事的
You are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents.
With the father, you wanna flirt a little, but not in a gross way.
面对他父亲 稍微打情骂俏一下 但是不要太过火
Just kind of like, "Mr. Pinzer, I can see
where Wallace gets his good looks."
- You went out with Wallace Pinzer? - Oh, he took the SATs for me.
- 你跟华勒斯品瑟交往过？ - 他代替我考联考
- I knew you didn't get a 1400! - Yeah, well, duh! I mean...
- 我就知道你没考过高标 - 是啊 我们说的是我耶…
So now, what about with Mike's mom?
Oh! Well, with the mother...
just constantly tell her how amazing her son is.
Take it from me. Moms love me. Ross' mom one time actually said...
举我为例 母亲们都很喜欢我 罗斯的妈有一次甚至还说…
I am like the daughter that she never had.
- She said what? - She's like the daughter she never had.
- 她说什么？ - 她就像是那个她从未有过的女儿
I just got Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents.
She's so nervous. It's so sweet.
Guess what. I made Emma laugh today.
You what? And I missed it...
because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
Yeah, and it was, uh, like, uh, a real little person laugh too.
- Oh! - It was like
- 噢 - 就像是…
Only not creepy.
- What did you do to make her laugh? - I, um...
- 你做了什么逗她笑？ - 我…
Well, I sang. Actually...
嗯 我唱了歌 其实…
I rapped, um, heh...
You sang to our baby daughter...
a song about a guy who likes to have sex...
with women with giant asses?
You know what, if you think about it...
it actually promotes a healthy, uh, body image...
because even big butts...
or, uh, "juicy doubles" are...
Please don't take her away from me.
Oh, hi, come on in. I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
嗨 请进 我是凯瑟琳 中介商
Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
嗨 我是乔伊 这是钱德
So how come Richard's selling the place? Went bankrupt?
Medical malpractice? Choked on his own mustache?
He's buying a much bigger place. It's got a great view of Central Park...
他要买一间更大的公寓 景观很棒 可以看到中央公园…
That's enough out of you.
Uh, is there anything we should know about the place?
All the appliances are included. There's a lot of light, a new kitchen.
电器用品全部都包含 光线充足 还有新的厨房
I think you guys would be very happy here.
- Ha. No, no, no. - Ha-ha-ha.
- 哈 不 不 不 - 哈哈
No, we're not together. We're definitely not a couple.
不 我们没有在一起 我们绝对不是一对
- Oh, okay. Sorry. - That's all right.
- 好的 抱歉 - 没关系
Wow, you, uh, seemed pretty insulted by that.
What, I'm not good enough for you?
We are not gonna have this conversation again.
Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy?
Pretentious art. This huge, macho couch.
When we know all he does is sit around...
crying about losing Monica to a real man. Ha, ha.
- You don't think he's here, do you? - I don't know.
- 他应该不在这里吧 对吗？ - 我不知道
It's a nice place, but I gotta say, I don't know if I see myself living here.
这是个好地方 但是我必须要说 我不知道我能不能住得习惯
Well, let me see.
Yeah, I can see it.
Look at these videos. I mean, who does he think he is?
Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke.
《紧急搜捕令》 《练手神探追魂枪》 《铁窗喋血》
- Oh, my God. - What?
- 喔 我的天 - 怎么了？
There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Ooh. A tape with a girl's name on it. It's probably a sex tape.
This says "Monica."
And this is Richard's apartment.
I'm wearing pantyhose.
- Great! Come on in. - Okay.
- 太棒了 请进 - 好的
- Ha-ha-ha. Hi. - Hi.
- 哈 哈 嘿 - 嘿
- Oh, my God. You're rich. - No, my parents are rich.
- 喔 我的天 你真有钱 - 不 是我父母亲有钱
So? They gotta die someday. Hello!
喔 那又如何呢？他们有天也会死的 哈罗
Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.
Phoebe, these are my parents, Theodore and Bitsy.
菲比 他们是我父母 希尔多跟贝西
- what a delight. - Ha-ha-ha.
- 很高兴能与你们见面 - 哈哈哈
- It's so nice to finally meet you. - And you.
- 终于见到你真是太高兴了 - 我也是
Your home is lovely.
Thank you. I'll give you a tour later. It's actually three floors.
谢谢 等一下我可以带你参观 这里其实有三层楼
Oh. Why don't you come meet our friends?
- Hey. What are you doing? - Getting your parents to like me.
- 你在做什么呢？ - 试着让你父母亲喜欢我
I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this.
I want them to get to know Phoebe, not:
- You've got it. - All right.
- 知道了 - 好了
- It's hard to stop. - Mm.
- 很难停止 - 嗯
Phoebe, these are our friends Tom and Sue Engel.
菲比 这是我们的朋友 汤姆跟苏安格
Phoebe, come sit. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
菲比 来坐下 跟我们介绍一下你自己
- So where are you from? - Um, okay.
- 你是哪里人呢？ - 好的
Well, all right. Um, originally, I'm from upstate...
嗯 好的 我本来是上州人
but, um, then my mom killed herself, and my stepdad went to prison.
So I moved to the city... where, um, I lived in a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a while.
Which was okay. That was okay.
Until, um, I got hepatitis, you know...
because this pimp spit in my mouth and...
But I got over it.
And, um, anyway, now I'm a, um, freelance massage therapist...
然后 反正现在我是 自由按摩治疗师
um, which isn't always steady money, but at least I don't pay taxes.
So where does everyone summer?
- Oh, God, this is not going well. - No, you're doing fine. Really.
- 天啊 真是进行的不顺利 - 不 你做的很好 真的
- Why don't you go talk to my dad? - Okay, okay, okay.
- 你何不去找我爸聊聊 - 好 好的 好的
- Still sure about me being myself? - Absolutely.
- 还确定要我做我自己吗？ - 当然
Though maybe just a little less "pimp spit."
So, Theodore, I, uh, can see where Mike gets his good looks from.
希尔多 我现在知道麦克的师气外表 是遗传自谁的了
- You must work out all the time. - Oh, not all the time. I do the best I can.
- 你一定经常做运动 - 不是很常 不过我尽量
- Yeah, I bet. Look out! - Oh! Ow.
- 是啊 我想也是 看招 - 嗷
- Oh, my God. Are you okay? - Unh! I recently had surgery.
- 喔 我的天 你还好吗？ - 我最近刚动完手术
- I'm so sorry. - No, I'll be fine.
- 我很抱歉 - 没关系 我没事
- I just should check the stitches. - I really am sorry.
- 我只是应该要去检查一下伤口 - 我真的很抱歉
How could you know? Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach?
Did you just hit my dad?
Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met a boyfriend's parents before.
是的 我很抱歉 我从来没有见过男朋友的父母亲
But, I mean, you have met humans before, right?
但是 你总该有见过人 对吗？
Why don't you go talk to my mom?
Okay, yeah, your mom. She looks nice. I can talk to her.
好的 你妈 她看起来很和善 我可以跟她聊的
You do that, and I'm gonna go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding.
你去聊吧 我要去看看 我爸是不是有内出血的现象
Oh, Bitsy? Um, uh, listen, I wanted to thank you again...
for having me here tonight.
Also, um, I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.
还有 我只想让你知道 你儿子是个很棒的男人
- Thank you. I think so too. - It's a testament to how he was raised.
- 谢谢 我也这么认为 - 一切因他有良好的家庭教育
Especially to you, because he's very respectful of women.
- Is he really? - He is so considerate of my feelings.
- 他真的吗？ - 他非常体贴我的感受
You know, I think you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
No, don't get me wrong. No, not in like a sissy way.
不 别误会 不 不是那种娘娘腔的样子
When he gets going...
he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave.
That's... my boy.
I'm not gonna watch it. I don't need to watch it.
I mean, what good could possibly come from watching it?
Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.
- Hey, dude, what's up? - Don't judge me! I'm only human!
- 嘿 兄弟 怎么了？ - 别审判我 我只不过是个普通人
Did you take that tape?
I had to! Imagine you were married and you found a tape of your wife...
我必须要 假设你结婚了 然后你发现一卷你老婆带子…
in another guy's apartment. Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
I don't know. Who am I married to?
- Yeah. - How did she get me to settle down?
- 是 - 她是怎么让我定下来的？
All right, I'm gonna watch it.
I mean, it's probably not even what I think it is.
Even if it is, it can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head.
即使是 或许也不像我在脑海中 想像的情景那样糟糕
See, in my experience, if a girl says yes to being taped...
she doesn't say no to much else, I'll tell you.
- Then you have to watch it for me. - Whoa! What?
- 那你先帮我看 - 什么？
Just for a few seconds so I can know what it is. Please?
几秒钟就好 让我知道那是什么 拜托
All right, fine. But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame!
好啦 可以 但是万一我很乐在其中 你就只能怪你自己
- Why am I hearing cheering? - It's okay. It's just a football game.
- 为什么我听到欢呼声？ - 没关系 是橄榄球赛
- It's just football? - You were all worried for nothing.
- 只是橄榄球？ - 你担心是多余的
It's football! It's just football!
This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football!
太棒了 这是我第一次 真正喜欢橄榄球
I think it may be customary to get a beer!
- What are you doing? - You don't wanna see what I just saw!
- 你在做什么？ - 你不想要看到我刚看到的东西
What are you guys doing?
Oh, my God! Is that Richard?
喔 我的天 那是理查吗？
Okay, uh, please laugh for Mommy. Please?
好了 帮妈咪笑一笑 拜托
Please laugh for Mommy.
Well, so is it...
only offensive novelty rap?
Or maybe just, you know, rap in general. Because Mommy can rap.
And I'm here to say
That all the babies are...
All right, sweetheart. This is only because I love you so much.
好了 亲爱的 这只是因为我太爱你了
And I know that you're not gonna tell anybody.
Big butts and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
When a girl walks in With an itty-bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
Yes, yes, yes. Yes! Ha!
I like big butts and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
Oh, Emma, you're laughing! Oh, you are!
艾玛 你在笑 你笑了
You really do like big butts, don't you?
Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.
- Hey. - Oh, you missed it! She was laughing!
- 嘿 - 你错过了 她刚刚在笑
- Oh, it was amazing. - Oh.
- 真是不可思议 - 喔
It was amazing. It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound.
Oh, I know, isn't it? Oh, what did you do to get her to laugh?
Oh, you know, I just... A couple of things I tried. Different...
你知道的 我只不过… 试了一些东西 不同的…
Just sang a little "The ltsy-Bitsy Spider."
You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you?
你唱了《宝贝 回来》 对不对？
Nothing else worked! That girl is all about the ass!
And then it goes back to the chorus.
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault
Resolve. And that's the end of the song.
I realize you hadn't asked to hear it...
but, um, no one had spoken in 17 minutes.
Uh, Phoebe writes lots of songs. What was that one you sang the other night?
Oh, "Pervert Parade"?
- Oh! "Ode to a Pubic Hair"? - Stop.
- 《阴毛颂》吗？ - 停止
Oh, God. Is that veal?
喔 天啊 这是小牛肉吗？
Mom, I thought I told you, Phoebe's a vegetarian.
No, that's okay. That's okay. I mean, I am a vegetarian...
不 没关系 没关系 我是说 我是素食者…
except for veal. Yeah. No. Veal I love. Heh.
不过我吃小牛肉 是的 我爱吃小牛肉
Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.
Any baby animals. Kittens, fish babies.
我喜欢任何小动物食物 小猫 小鱼
But, you know, especially veal.
You know, and this nice vein of fat running through it.
- Mm. Yummy. - Ha-ha-ha.
- 好吃 - 哈哈
What do you think?
So you stole that tape from Richard's apartment?
Listen to the judgment from the porn star!
That tape was never meant to be seen by...
Joey, I would feel more comfortable if this conversation were in private.
Ha, ha, Monica, look, I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore.
摩妮卡 听着 我不认为 你我之间有存在任何秘密了
Not ready to joke about it yet? See you later.
Why in the world would you take this tape? And why would you watch it?
Because that's who I am. Okay?
I'm sure a man like Richard could see a tape like that and not be bothered.
It'd just be another saucy anecdote...
for him to share at his men's club over brandy and mustaches.
Is all of this about you not being able to grow a mustache?
This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you.
He keeps a tape so he can look at it whenever he wants.
Isn't that sad? Can't you see how pathetic that is?
Don't be jealous. You should feel bad for him.
Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard, he...
是啊 可怜的理查 他…
I can grow a mustache.
This is not our problem. We have each other. That's all that matters.
这不是我们的问题 我们拥有彼此 这是最重要的
But I just keep picturing you rolling around with him, with your...
cowboy boots in the air.
Cowboy boots? I've never worn cowboy boots in my whole life.
Oh, good, good. Play more because I wanna see how it ends.
很好 非常好 再多放一点 因为我想看结局是怎样
- That's not me! - What?
- 那不是我 - 什么？
That's not you! Life is good again!
那不是你 美好的生命 又再度来临了
Ride 'em, cowgirl!
That bastard taped over me!
Is that a problem?
It's just so insulting. Spring for a new blank tape, doctor!
真是太侮辱人了 花钱买新的空白带子嘛 医师
I can't imagine what he sees in her.
She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his.
- Hello, dear. - Hey.
- 哈罗 亲爱的 - 嗨
- What's going on? - We were just chitchatting.
- 怎么了？ - 我们只是在随便聊聊
- How's your friend? - A little better.
- 你的朋友还好吗？ - 有好一点了
Do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter, Jen.
You remember her, Michael. She's lovely, well-behaved and single.
你记得她的 麦克 她很可爱 行为举止瑞庄 而且单身
- I'm not interested. - Oh, please, darling, let's be honest.
- 我没有兴趣 - 拜托 亲爱的 我们老实说
You can have all the sailor fun you want with that one.
- But let's be real. - All right, stop.
- 但是我们要面对现实 - 好了 停
All Phoebe has done is try and get you to like her. Maybe it's not clear...
菲比所做的一切都是为了要让 你们喜欢她 或许不是很明显…
but she did her best.
She's a little different than you are.
Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth.
So what? If I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you.
You don't have to like her. Just accept the fact that I do.
If you can't even be civil to the woman I love...
- The woman you what? - Yeah, the woman you what?
- 你什么的女人？ - 是啊 你什么的女人？
Something I shouldn't say for the first time, in front of my parents...
and Tom and Sue.
Who are, by the way, the most sinfully boring people I've ever met in my life.
对了 他们是我一生中 遇过最无聊的人
- I love you too. - You do?
- 我也爱你 - 真的？
- Wanna get out of here? - Okay.
- 想要离开这里吗？ - 是
- Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner. - I had a great time.
- 爸妈 谢谢你们的晚餐 - 我很开心
It was really top-drawer.
And here's something rich.
Thirteen bathrooms in this place, I threw up in the coat closet.
Got it going like a turbo 'Vette
- So, fellas! - Yeah?
- 伙计们 - 怎样？
- Fellas! - Yeah?
- 费勒斯 - 嗯
- Has your girlfriend got the butt? - Hell, yeah
- 你女友的臀部又够赞吗？ - 那当然
- So shake it - Shake it
- 那么甩一甩吧 - 甩一甩
- Shake it - Shake it
- 甩一甩 - 甩一甩
Shake that nasty butt
One more time from the top!
I like big butts And I cannot lie
You other brothers...
Rachel, please! That is so inappropriate!
瑞秋 拜托 这实在太不恰当了