Advantage left-side competitor.
Wow, you're really good at this.
Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity.
I'm like a pyramid.
How you doing over there?
Oh, I hope it's just a sprain.
I cannot walk into that E.R.
with another video game injury.
Hey, Sheldon, you want to play next?
Oh, I would, but I'm on my way out.
- Where? - Texas.
- Is someone sick? - Yes.
My sister's uterus came down with a baby.
Oh, she's pregnant? That's great.
You're gone an uncle-- Uncle Sheldon.
No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
How come you never said she was pregnant?
Well, I never told you about my brother's kidney stone.
You want to hear about everything
that comes out of my family's genitals?
Well, congrats, and it's nice
you're gonna be there for your sister.
I'm filling in for her husband who's recovering
from a horrible motorcycle accident.
Wow, so, how long will you be gone?
Well, she's due tomorrow.
Although it did take her six years to finish high school,
Can I give you a ride to the airport?
Oh, no, thank you, I don't want to be an inconvenience.
不用了 谢谢 我不想麻烦你
We leave in ten minutes.
All right, here's the deal.
Sheldon is gone, so the tree decorating rules
are out the window.
we don't have to use his ridiculous
And I'm happy to report its kickstarter campaign
is holding strong at zero dollars.
Wait, so Star Wars and Star Trek characters
can go on the same branch?
I know, it's crazy.
Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!
I've never done this before.
Yeah, if your mom could see
her little Bar Mitzvah boy right now,
she'd have a heart attack.
Good idea, I'll take a picture.
Honey, I'm a little strapped for cash this year,
so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you...
- I love it. - Okay.
But it is what you got me last year.
Oh, good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start.
Although you said 7:00
and it's-it's 7:00, but that's fine.
Oh, it's probably Sheldon.
Everybody's here, say hi.
The second I go out of town
you throw a Christmas party without me?
That's so thoughtful.
You guys are the best.
Hey, how's your sister?
She went into labor an hour ago.
That's wonderful. So you're at the hospital?
No, she chose to have a home birth...
because she wants to live in the Stone Age
and a cave wasn't available.
You know, many people believe that home births are better
better because the mother is in a warm, comfortable environment
where she can be nurtured by loved ones.
And turn the bedroom floor
into an amniotic Slip 'n Slide.
Your sister's fully dilated
and she wants a nice family picture
before there's blood everywhere!
I picked the wrong day to wear my good robot T-shirt.
If you were having Sheldon's baby
would you really want him in the room?
Yeah, if he's in the room when they're making the baby,
I'll give you ten dollars.
Hey, I brought over It's a Wonderful Life
if you guys want to watch it later.
Oh, I love that movie.
I've never seen it.
- Me neither. - It's great.
It's Christmastime and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed
and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself...
Don't need to see it. Living it.
But then he gets to see what the world
would be like if he'd never been born.
Hey, you ever imagine what that would be like?
What do you think?
You make jokes about Sheldon,
but if it weren't for him,
I don't think any of us
would be sitting in this room right now.
Really? Sheldon not being here
is the main reason I'm in this room.
None of you would know me.
You wouldn't know Bernadette.
- You wouldn't be dating Penny. - You don't know that.
I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years.
I could have picked her up.
Oh, you weren't joking.
Okay, sweetie, let me tell you
exactly how that would have gone down.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out.
I'm gonna squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples.
Sorry, I thought we're saying things
that are never gonna happen.
Maybe this time he's going to do it.
Hope you're thirsty, here it comes.
Hey, you guys ready to order or you need a few minutes?
I, uh, ah, um, I...
A few minutes it is.
You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds.
You guys are making me nervous.
Fine, then go talk to her on your own.
- Excuse me. - Yeah?
Hi, uh, um, I'm Leonard?
Really? You don't sound so sure.
there's been something I've wanted to ask you
for a long time. Um...
- What's that? - Eh, uh, well,
I was wondering-- if you're not too busy--
if you'd be interested in...
...telling me where the restroom is?
I think you're too late.
Come on, I would not have peed my pants.
- She nailed it. - Sounds about right.
But, you forget, I did ask you out in real life.
Which couldn't have happened
if you didn't live across the hall from her,
which couldn't have happened without Sheldon.
Same goes with you guys.
If Leonard wasn't with Penny,
- she never would have set you up. - Doesn't matter.
Bernadette still would've been working at The Cheesecake Factory,
and I still would've been working this beefcake factory.
You would've been all over me.
Hey, Penny, can I take that table?
The one in the turtleneck is cute.
here comes the happy train.
Mm-hmm, chug-a chug-a, yum, yum.
You got a... you got a little something.
You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together,
but you wouldn't have done so great yourself.
- Why? - Because I know exactly
the kind of guy you would've ended up with.
Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent?
Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.
Hey, he may be an idiot,
but at least he didn't pee himself.
Aw, babe, I peed myself.
I've seen things.
That is not the way they usually look.
This is no way to make new humans.
People coming out of people.
It's some kind of dirty magic show.
Sheldon Lee Cooper.
You get back in this room right now.
I have two PhDs yet somehow I'm the janitor
of my sister's birth canal.
Hey, Sheldon sent us all an e-mail.
"Happy holidays from Texas."
And there's pictures.
Don't open them. Do not open them.
Childbirth is a natural, beautiful...
Oh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
My father's a gynecologist, I think I can handle it.
And, now, I'm gay.
You know, I was thinking. Without Sheldon,
most of us would have never met,
but Penny would still live across from him.
And with Leonard out of the picture,
we all know what that would mean.
Of course I'm doing laundry.
Saturday night is laundry night,
and I'm in a laundry room, so...
I believe your inference is justified.
Oh, my inference is justified.
Sheldon, you are so funny.
Anyway, I need to do my laundry, too,
because these clothes are so dirty.
Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who's wearing them.
Okay, that's enough.
- Disagree. - Keep going.
So, what do you think?
A tad asymmetrical,
but nothing to be concerned about.
Please, Sheldon. I need you.
拜托 谢尔顿 我要你
I'm not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt.
Come on, Sheldon. You and me right here.
Penny, for the thousandth time,
I'm saving myself for someone special.
Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist
with hair the color of mud.
I think I know how to change your mind.
I was okay with it.
How's it going, Sheldon?
Actually, much better.
Oh, good. Is the baby born yet?
I don't know. I just got back.
My mother asked me to get some towels.
I took advantage of the vague request
and went to Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Excuse me! I'm on the phone!
Here's another one. Penny,
if it weren't for Sheldon,
you never would have met comic book legend Stan Lee.
斯坦·李 美国漫画界的元老 著名作品有《X-men》《蜘蛛侠》等第三季第16集 佩妮带谢尔顿去斯坦·李家中索要签名
At least Leonard, Howard and I
would have always been friends.
Hey, how come you three never got an apartment together?
We talked about it, but Howard was in
a pretty serious relationship with his mom.
I lived with her to save money.
Yeah, you didn't have to buy groceries
'cause you were breast-feeding.
Aw, so I guess if it weren't for me,
you'd still be living with her, huh?
What do you mean, "Not exactly"?
Well, things would be a little different.
Howard, where's my lunch?!
I know you're starving.
The neighbors know you're starving.
There's starving people in Africa who know you're starving!
That's it?! There's not enough food!
Well, you cleaned out Earth!
I don't know what else to do!
How is this any different?
You didn't let me finish.
Here you go, Mother.
You're a good boy, Howard!
Wait-- did she die or did you kill her?
慢着 她是自然死亡 还是被你杀了
Eh, tomato, tomahto. The important thing is she's dead.
Hey, so how come you two didn't move in together?
This guy wanted a place of his own
because he was sure he was gonna be a ladies' man.
But I do think you and I would have had a great time.
Come on, Leonard, dinner.
来吧 莱纳德 晚餐好了
Why would I be fat?
You'd have no girlfriend to see you naked,
you'd try to fill the void with food,
and I'm an enabler who once deep-fried a pancake.
Why can't you be fat, too?
What do you want to do for dessert?
I think there's still half a cake from breakfast.
What are you doing?
just wanted to be in anyone's story.
Yeah, but why are you fat?
'Cause Leonard was fat.
Amy, what about you?
What do you think you'd be doing if you never met Sheldon?
my life would be so... different.
You can say "better." Sheldon can't hear you.
* Happy birthday to me *
* 祝我生日快乐 *
* Happy birthday to me *
* 祝我生日快乐 *
* There's tears in the frosting *
* 糖霜上泪花花 *
* Happy birthday to me.*
* 祝我生日快乐 *
How's it going, Sheldon?
I wasn't sure I was gonna to make it.
But my mother gave me some ice chips,
my sister told me to breathe.
And I just thought to myself, "Sheldon,
if you can make it through the Green Lantern movie,
you can make it through this."
Well, good for you, buddy.
We'll let you get back in there.
Oh no, no, I'm not going back in there.
That baby is so irritating.
He has literally been crying his entire life.
Aw, he's already taking after Uncle Shelly.
Come on, Sheldon, you should go.
别这样 谢尔顿 你应该回去
Well, you always complain that you never
had an intelligent role model growing up,
and now you can be one for your nephew.
Ugh, all right, I'll go.
But from what I've seen, his attention span
is as limited as his bladder control.
You actually got him to do it.
Yeah, you keep saying
how much Sheldon has affected all of us,
but you've clearly had an impact on him.
If that were true,
I wouldn't still be living alone.
Well, not exactly alone.
I do have a 50 pound sack of rice
with one of Sheldon's T-shirts on it.
I'm telling you, Sheldon cares for you more than you think.
I wish I could believe you.
I also wish there wasn't a mouse
living in Rice Sheldon.
Hang on, I'm gonna give you a little
early Christmas present.
I'm gonna show you something,
but if you ever told Sheldon
he'd probably never speak to me again.
So, if you want to tell him, that's fine.
He made you his screensaver.
Wait, wait, where'd I go?
Oh, well, it's you, Swamp Thing,
Stephen Hawking, Spider-Man...
but, look, you're in the mix.
I am in the mix.
And I'm the hottest one.
That's fine, she's dead.
Just really glad you're back.
I got a lot of TV to catch up on.
To quote Han Solo, "I know".
I would've preferred to have you there with me.
Did you hold the baby?
How did it make you feel?
Looking into the blank, innocent eyes
of a creature that couldn't begin to comprehend
anything I was saying?
Basically just another day at the office.
I'm gonna ask her out.
Yeah, and chocolate milk is gonna squirt out of my nipples.
Put up or shut up. You make it, I'll drink it.
要么行动要么闭嘴 你喷得出 我喝得下
You guys need anything else?
Your phone number and one more cheesecake.
I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend.
In fact, there he is now.
Ready to go, sweetheart?
Not until I get my kiss.