Almost there. You're doing great.
Thanks for lifting my spirits.
Next time, try lifting the box.
I don't need a treadmill!
The doctor says you need to get exercise!
I get plenty of exercise!
Crushing my will to live isn't exercise!
If she isn't gonna use it, then why are we doing this?
All I need is to rig it
with a fishing pole and a HoneyBaked Ham.
We set it up in Howie's old room.
Do you know how to set it up?
Please, I'm an MIT-trained engineer.
I think I can handle...
I told you this thing would kill me!
So she's gonna be laid up for at least six weeks.
Poor Mrs. Wolowitz.
Should we do something for her?
Let's go see the new Spider-Man movie.
Sheldon, we're talking about your friend's mother.
I thought that subject had run its course,
It's called reading the room, Amy.
Hey, how were things on the set?
Uh, pretty good, actually.
So the movie's not as bad as you thought?
but I decided, instead of complaining about it,
I'm just gonna go in every day and give it my all.
- Good for you. - Thanks.
There's no reason why I shouldn't be
the best bisexual go-go dancer slowly transforming
into a killer gorilla anyone's ever seen.
The bisexual gorilla go-go dancer in Schindler's List
Because a gorilla go-go dancer of any sexual preference
would be out of place in a film about the Holocaust.
It only gets funnier when you explain it, Sheldon.
谢尔顿 你解释出来 笑点"加倍"啊
Okay, she's all settled in the guest room.
Maybe we should get one of those machines
to help her up the stairs.
You mean a forklift?
- Howie... - I'm sorry.
I just can't deal with this right now.
Taking care of your own mother? How can you say that?
Bernie, she's gonna be off her feet for six to eight weeks.
Are you prepared to feed her, wash her
and take her to the toilet?
- I would do it for my mother. - Yeah, of course you would--
you're a loving person.
I'm what my people would call a putz.
Look, I'm not crazy about the idea,
but what other choice do we have?
We get a nurse.
Preferably someone from a Third World country
who's used to suffering and unpleasant smells.
You'd hire a total stranger
to take care of the woman who raised you?
Not if we pay them well
and let them listen to the music of their homeland.
Sounds like a job for a loving person.
Would you like me to play some Polish music
while you carry her to the toilet?
Thanks for coming with me.
Thanks for inviting me after everyone else said no.
Aren't you gonna get 3-D glasses?
No sense in risking bridge-of-nose herpes.
Is that a real thing?
Well, until they invent nose condoms,
I'm not finding out.
Uh, this is my friend, Sheldon.
Sheldon, this is Emily.
Oh, yes, you're the dermatologist.
I went for a walk yesterday without sunscreen.
Do you see anything on my forehead
that I should be concerned about?
Um, you know what? I better go.
My movie's about to start.
Are you here alone?
What do you mean, "not really"?
- Hey, should we get our seats? - Yeah.
It was nice seeing you. Um, I'll call you later.
That was awkward, right?
Is it because she's dating you
but was out with that other fellow?
Good. I thought she saw something on my forehead.
Please don't shut me out.
I swear, I will find a way to turn you back.
What gave you the right
to mix my DNA with that of a killer gorilla?
I was trying to save your life.
Life? What life? Look at me! I'm a monster!
活着有何用 你看我 现在就是个怪兽
And now I have blood on my hands, or
paws. I don't know.
You can't give up. I love you.
But I'm afraid I love killing more.
Like, one day, I might actually try and kill you!
And... cut. All right.
All right, let's set up for the next scene.
Actually, you know what? Can we do one more?
I think I could do it better.
- No one cares. - Well, I care.
I mean, look, if we're gonna do this,
why not try and make it something we're actually proud of?
this movie is garbage,
but you should be happy about that,
'cause if it was a good movie, you wouldn't be in it.
Whoa, whoa, hang on.
There's no need to insult her.
I'm her boyfriend.
Isn't she too hot for you?
Well, boyfriend, get off my set.
好了 男朋友 滚出我的片场
You can't do that. He's with me.
You know what? You can get off my set, too.
What? You can't fire me. I'm the star.
什么 你不能解雇我 我可是主演啊
I'm the girl that goes bananas. It says so on the poster.
Yeah, but we just shot the last scene where we see your face.
So from now own, the star of the movie is whoever wears this.
Hey, if you're gonna fire her,
then you have to fire me, too.
Wow, that fell apart really fast.
Thanks for skipping the movie.
I couldn't sit in that theater for two hours
wondering about Emily and that guy.
Oh, quite all right.
After my forehead melanoma scare,
I've learned not to sweat the small stuff.
I don't have all the ingredients to make chai tea.
You don't have to make me anything.
No, I do. You're upset about Emily
and you're Indian.
I need to make you chai tea.
Now, I have all the ingredients except cardamom seeds.
Do you happen to have any on you?
Sorry, I left them in my turban.
Oh, I'll make English breakfast tea.
They destroyed your culture.
That's close enough.
You know, I'm curious,
why are you so upset about seeing Emily with another man?
Wouldn't you be upset if you saw Amy out with someone else?
We have an ironclad relationship agreement
which precludes her from physical contact
with anyone other than me.
But you don't have sex with her, either.
To be truthful, Emily and I haven't dated that long,
and we never agreed to be exclusive to each other.
Have you had intercourse?
Well, stick to your guns.
There will be a lot of pressure.
It's like the world's fattest cuckoo clock.
You know, you're always talking about having a baby someday.
This is exactly what it's gonna be like.
Come on. The constant fussing, eating, pooping,
怎么不会 整天哇哇叫 要吃 要拉
We're even waiting for the day
when she can finally walk on her own.
Maybe you're right.
Anything she finds on the floor goes right in her mouth.
I'm just telling you now, if we do have kids,
don't expect me to do all the work.
Hey, I'm a very paternal person.
I'd be excellent at taking care of a baby.
I'm coming, you big baby!
You know, the only thing worse than doing a movie
where they glue monkey hair to your ass
is getting fired from a movie
where they glue monkey hair to your ass.
Forget it, man, it's crap.
You just move on to the next thing.
Yeah, well, it's easy for you to say.
You used to be famous.
Hey. I just lost a job for you.
You're right, I'm sorry, you're famous.
行 对不起 你是当红影星
Penny, it's not about being famous.
It's about the art.
It's about the passion we have for our craft.
I have an audition for Sharknado 2!
If I book this, I am totally gonna pay you back for this beer.
God, what am I doing with my life?
You having second thoughts about acting?
You were on set, you saw what it was like.
Yeah, but it's not always that bad.
What about when you did, uh,
Anne Frank at that cute little theater?
It was over a bowling alley.
there was ample parking.
And you were so good in the TV commercial.
It was for hemorrhoid cream.
And I got itchy and swollen just watching you.
Leonard, you are really not cheering me up.
How can you be sad when you're going home
with all five-foot-six of this?
You think you're five-foot-six, that's funny.
I don't understand it.
I have a great job,
come from a good family...
Why don't women want to be with me?
An interesting question.
Don't send me home.
I can't be alone right now.
That's your problem.
You can't be alone.
How many women have you had dates with?
How many of those women
did you think would become your perfect companion?
Do I count the 200-pound Sailor Moon girl
that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic Con?
I'll stick with 11.
She liked Howard better.
Well, now do you see the problem?
You... It's late, I-I should...
Look, I-I do get what you're saying.
Instead of desperately clinging
to any woman who will go out with me,
I need to work on my fear of being alone.
I was trying to suggest chemical castration, but...
...it's my bedtime,
so whatever gets you out the door. Good night.
只要你滚 你爱咋想都行 晚安
Shh-shh-shh, I just got her to sleep.
What took you so long?
The grocery store is a few blocks away.
They only had regular yogurt.
I had to go to a different store
to get the extra-fat kind your mom likes.
Then why do I smell coffee on your breath?
After two days of taking care of her,
excuse me for stopping to get a mocha.
Well, it must be nice to be queen.
I've been killing myself here!
Well, whose fault is that?
I wanted to get a nurse, but you were all,
"I'm nice. I want to take care of people."
I'm glad I got that mocha.
And you know what else I'm glad about?
I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!
Now I have to go rub her belly again.
Thanks for letting me come over.
I just wanted to say
how sorry I am about tonight, and...
I want to make sure that we're okay.
Uh, look, you and I haven't made
- any commitments to each other. - I know.
I just felt like I needed to explain.
The guy I was with did my last tattoo,
and he's been asking me out for months.
I finally said yes just to get it over with.
Well, I mean, yeah, it freaked me out a little,
but that's my issue, not yours.
If I saw you out with another woman,
I'd be pretty upset.
Not just for being upset,
but for believing that could happen.
Just so you know, I'm not seeing anyone else.
So, uh... you... you have tattoos?
- Yeah. - I don't.
I have a hole in my belly button
that may or may not have been a piercing.
One on my shoulder,
one not on my shoulder
and one really not on my shoulder.
been a long time since I've seen a girl's...
really not her shoulder.
Well...how about you show me your piercing
and I show you my tattoos?
But, uh, before I take my shirt off,
I just need like ten minutes to do some crunches.
Can I get you anything?
I need to start making some smart decisions.
We could get married.
Come on, be serious.
Because I'm a-a "smart decision"?
So I'm like a bran muffin.
What...No, that's not what I'm saying.
No, it's exactly what you're saying.
I'm the boring thing you're choosing
because I'm good for you.
What does it matter?
The point is, I'm choosing you.
Well, it matters a lot!
I don't want to be a bran muffin.
Cinnabon, you know?
A strawberry Pop-Tart.
Something you're excited about
even though it could give you diabetes.
Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.
No, no. No, it's too late.
I-I'm your bran muffin.
Probably fat-free and good for your colon.
You know what? Forget it.
I never should've brought it up.
You know I want to marry you,
but you're only doing this because you got fired
and you're feeling sorry for yourself.
Okay, it may look that way, but getting fired from that movie
was the best thing that could have happened to me, okay?
I finally realize I don't need to be famous
or have some big career to be happy.
Then what do you need?
You, you stupid pop-tart!
Then I guess I'm in.
You "guess you're in"?
Not like, "I guess I'm in."
Like "I guess... I'm in!"
Are... are we engaged?
Just... feels a little anticlimactic.
Yeah, it kind of does, huh?
Where did you get a ring?
had it for a couple years, not important.
will you marry me?
This would have been so much more romantic
if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.
Last night was a little rough,
but I think we're gonna get through this.
Where's my pancakes?!
Coming, Mrs. Wolowitz!
Welcome to Team Putz.