Previously on The Big Bang Theory.
We were worried about you.
Don't be melodramatic.
I'm just getting on a train and leaving forever.
So a few things don't go your way
and your best decision
is to ride the rails like a hobo?
Leonard, I am overwhelmed.
Everything is changing,
and it's simply too much.
I need to get away and think.
I'm gonna miss you.
You just made that easier.
Is it at all possible
that you're knitting a pair of pants?
Oh, well, no, you're understandably terrified.
But, you know, allow me to explain.
45 days ago, um, I embarked on
a railroad journey of healing
because my university
was making me do string theory,
and my favorite comic book store burned down,
and when my roommate got engaged,
my girlfriend wanted to move in with me,
which was no doubt a ploy just to see my--
well, excuse my language, but my bathing suit parts.
Uh, sir, may I use your phone?
- I don't think so. - Yeah, well,
I understand that I'm half naked,
but there is a reasonable explanation.
While I slept in my sleeper car,
all my possessions were stolen.
Now, typically, I wear pajamas,
but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle
and pajamas are the sleep-pants of the man.
I'll have you know, Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants
and a nation rallied behind him!
Now, before you walk away...
I know that I may appear deranged,
but I am, in fact, a world-renowned physicist.
Ask me the difference between a boson and a fermion.
Bosons have integer spin,
fermions have half-integer spin!
My legs are getting cold!
Why won't anybody help me?
Hi. Want to do yoga with me?
Um, let me just have some coffee first,
and then I'll have the strength to tell you
how much I won't be doing that.
Hey, buddy. Good to hear your voice.
Uh, I'm in Kingman, Arizona,
and, uh, I need you to come pick me up.
I'm just about to do yoga with Penny.
Leonard, I'm at the police station.
Th-They took my phone,
my wallet, my iPad, everything.
我的皮包 我的iPad 全被偷了
Oh, my God, are you okay?
I-I'm wearing borrowed pants,
I-I don't have I.D.,
and one of the officers here
won't stop calling me Chicken Legs.
Uh, I'll-I'll come get you.
Hey, what's going on?
He got all of his stuff stolen.
Sheldon, hang tight.
Hey, do you want me to bring anything?
And a really good comeback for chicken legs,
because "I know you are, but what am I?"
was met with stony silence.
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Yeah, he's fine, he's just a little rattled.
Oh... Feel like driving to Arizona with me?
I can't, I have that job interview.
Oh, right. Besides,
I don't need six hours of "Your hair is different.
Why did you change your hair?
I'm holding my breath until your hair grows back."
Hey, can you think of a reason
- I shouldn't invite Amy to come with me? - Nope.
Come on, you didn't even try.
Thanks for the lift.
What's wrong with your car?
I'm having my windows untinted.
Got a hot girlfriend now.
I want the haters to know.
What are you talking about?
No one's paying attention to you.
How's that Hater-ade taste, bro?
Hey, this isn't the way to work.
I just want to pop in and make sure Ma's okay.
I thought Stuart was looking after her.
He was, but now that her cast is off, he moved out.
本来是 我妈石膏拆了后 他就搬了
And honestly, I'm kind of glad.
It was getting a little weird.
I don't know, they're...
No, not like us.
like you and your dog.
She feeds him out of her own mouth?
I mean, he calls her Debbie,
she calls him Stewie
and they're all giggly around each other.
And believe me, when food goes in that mouth,
it does not come out.
So are you worried
because he's replacing you as a son
or are you worried because he's becoming her lover?
First of all, no one can replace me as a son.
I'm her little matzo ball.
And secondly, my mother is well past
having any kind of sex life.
Although many older women lead vibrant, active...
I said well past it!
Excuse me, Officer Hernandez?
Any leads on the person who stole my belongings?
Well, perhaps I can help.
Sherlock Holmes always says
when you eliminate the impossible,
whatever remains, however improbable,
must be the truth.
Now, have-have you tried doing that?
Well, maybe you should.
Th-Th-There's lots of books called "Sherlock Holmes"
and there's no books called "Officer Hernandez."
Thanks again for coming.
Six hours was gonna be a long drive by myself.
And I'm not angry at all
that my boyfriend was in trouble and called you instead of me.
Yeah, time's gonna fly by.
I haven't been on a job interview in years.
I'm really nervous.
You are built for pharmaceutical sales.
You're cute, you're flirty and...
Started that like there were gonna be three things.
I don't have any experience in sales.
Unless you count the bikini car wash I did in high school.
But you already made me take that off my resume?
This job is a lot like being a waitress,
except instead of pushing the fish tacos
'cause they're about to go bad,
you're just pushing our antidepressants
before the FDA finds out they may cause rectal bleeding.
But like our lawyers say, the world is full of things
that can cause a rectum to bleed.
Anyway, I talked you up to Dan.
He's the guy who'll be interviewing you.
Oh, I really appreciate this.
I just hope I'm not in over my head.
You'll be fine. Just be yourself.
- I wish I felt more confident. - Penny,
I wouldn't have put you up for this job
if I didn't think you could handle it.
Oh, thank you, but maybe I should cancel.
It's too late to cancel. You're going.
But I don't know anything about pharmaceuticals.
You want to do something you're already good at.
Why don't I get you a job at
the Sitting Around All Day Wearing Yoga Pants Factory?
Ma, I hope you're decent. Raj is here!
妈 把衣服穿好 拉杰也在哦
You just started seeing naked women again,
and I don't want you to be confused
about where the boobs should be.
What are you doing here?
Uh... w-what are you doing here?
I thought you moved out.
Oh, yeah, I was going to,
and then Debbie and I got to talking
over dinner the other night.
I didn't have anyplace to go,
she likes having me around,
so we both said, "Why leave?" at the same time.
It was precious.
It's not that precious.
I'd like to back you up,
but it sounds like it was pretty precious.
Stewie, I can't find my glasses!
Be right there, Deb Deb!
They're probably on her head.
Or in her neck. Listen.
You staying here seems like something
she would've talked to me about.
Well, maybe if you called your mother more often, you'd know.
It wouldn't kill you to pick up the phone.
Any word on my stolen items?
We're doing everything we can.
You know, Sherlock Holmes
liked to use cocaine to sharpen his focus.
But I'm sure those Cool Ranch Doritos are doing the trick.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
- Are you okay? - Oh, I'm fine.
What do you mean, why did I come?
You're my boyfriend.
I haven't seen you in over a month.
I just drove six hours to help you out.
Don't you have anything to say besides,
"Why did you come?"
I feel uncomfortable saying it out loud
in front of these police officers.
So, Sheldon, tell us about your trip.
Where didn't I go?
I went to New York, Chicago,
Atlanta, Denver, Seattle.
亚特兰大 丹佛 西雅图
I never left the train station.
Hang on. You traveled across the entire country
and never left a train station?
That's where all the cool trains are.
I'm sorry, so you never went outside?
Or had a single piece of fruit.
why do you think you'd make
a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
Well, I'm a people person.
Some of my favorite people are people.
I feel like I'm saying "people" a lot.
People, people, people, pe... Okay, I'm done.
人 人类 人民 人...好我说完了
So, how do you feel your previous job experience
has prepared you for a career like this?
Uh, well, as a waitress, sales was a big part of my job.
I mean, believe me, I convinced a lot of very large customers,
who should not be eating cheesecake,
to have more cheesecake.
one of those chubsters even had an insulin pump!
I have an insulin pump.
A grown man in his 30s living with my mother.
I thought he was, like, 45.
Come on, you don't think it's a little odd?
I don't know! I mean, she's lonely.
He needs a place to stay.
I doubt there's any funny business going on.
And even if there was, who cares?
They're both adults.
"Who cares"?! You wouldn't care
if I slept with your mom?
You know what? You're my best friend,
and she's in a bad marriage.
I give you my blessing.
I'm just gonna call my mother and be honest with her.
'Cause that's what little matzo balls do.
And this is Stuart!
This is the part where you talk.
All right, let's say a physician was prescribing
one of our competitor's drugs.
How would you convince them to switch to ours?
Any chance his car needs to be washed by a girl in a bikini?
Okay, I'm really sorry for wasting your time.
Don't worry about it. Thanks for stopping by.
Um, I'm sor... listen, could you do me a favor
and not tell Bernadette how badly I blew this interview?
And honestly I'm a... a little terrified of her.
Wait, wait. You're scared of Bernadette?
I thought it was just me!
E-Everyone thinks she's so nice
with that squeaky little voice.
I know, but she's kind of a bully!
I-I didn't even want to meet you,
but, uh, I was too scared to say no to her.
Yeah, yeah! One-one time, I had...
对吧 对吧 有一次 我...
Oh! I had to tell her
we were cutting the-the research funding
for one of the drugs she was developing.
I couldn't do it!
She's still working on it!
We're not gonna tell her about this, right?
- Oh, my God, no! - No, no...
-我的天 当然不会 -绝不
At the hot dog stand in the Denver train station--
At the hot dog stand in the Salt Lake City train station--
At the hot dog stand in the Indianapolis train station...
Hey, Amy! What do you say?
You ready to move on to the mustard round?
Have you not noticed that I've been sitting back here
quietly stewing for the past two hours?
I just thought you were bad at the game.
How could you just go away like that
without even saying good-bye,
and then call Leonard for help instead of me?
May I please have a moment of privacy
to speak with my roommate?
We're in a moving car!
What do you expect me to do?
Stick my fingers in my ears?
Well, I was thinking put your head out the window like a dog,
but that'll work.
Please? This'll be quick.
As soon as we get home,
I want to have coitus with Amy.
Okay, she can't hear.
The reason I called you
is because I didn't want Amy
to know I couldn't make it on my own.
What's the big deal?
Oh, of course it's no big deal to you.
You idolize me, and nothing could ever knock me
off that pedestal you put me on.
Well, yeah, it's true.
You-you are a god to me.
I called Leonard because...
And I didn't want you to think less of me.
You were worried about that?
it's okay with me that you're not perfect.
Can I have one more moment with Leonard?
Amy just hurt my feelings. I want to break up with her.
Now, I never thought I'd say this,
but I'm kind of excited to see Sheldon.
I never thought I'd say this, but Penny got a job today.
Well, the only reason she got it
is 'cause the guy who interviewed her loves me.
I, uh, kind of got the feeling
you might not be okay with me staying at your mom's.
You're right, I'm not.
I think it's weird.
It is. He's a grown man.
He's just gonna live there rent-free?
How is that gonna motivate him
to get off his butt and get a job?
I mean, do you even have a plan?
Hey, you're not my father, okay?
And besides, your mother and I were talking...
"Your mother and I"? You're not my father!
- I didn't say I was your father! - Well, I didn't say
- I was your father! - Okay, calm down.
-我是你爹 -好啦 冷静
You're not his father, he's not your father!
Nobody's anybody's father.
I-I'm sorry you don't like my life choices,
but it's my life!
Well, it's my house, it's my rules!
If I mow the lawn, can I have my allowance?
Hey, don't you take that sarcastic tone with him!
I don't have to listen to you!
Don't talk to her like that!
That is my mother... Wife!
My wife! I said my wife!
This isn't getting us anywhere.
When you're ready to apologize, you know where to find me.
Well, yeah, in my house!
That's right, sucka!
I wish I'd never gone on that trip.
I feel no better now than when I left.
But you still accomplished something.
Yeah. If you had told anyone
that you were going away on a train by yourself across the country,
do you know what they would have said?
- That I couldn't do it? - Exactly.
Right after they said, "Yay!"
So what if it didn't all go your way?
That's what makes it an adventure.
Yeah, I'm a lot like Gandalf the Grey.
He fought the Balrog and emerged
stronger than ever as Gandalf the White.
I was robbed of my phone and pants,
and I, too, came back stronger.
'cause I wasn't in direct sunlight for six weeks.
See? This trip was good for you.
I was the world's smartest caterpillar.
And then after pupating in our nation's railway system,
as the world's smartest butterfly.
Butterfly could've gotten himself home from Arizona.
Yeah, I feel renewed.
I'm ready to deal with any changes that come my way.
Your hair is different. You changed your hair.
I can't take this. I'm out.
Would you like to see pictures from my trip?
I thought your phone got stolen.
Yeah, it did, but luckily all my photos
got backed up to the Cloud.
And you thought they all had a silver lining.
Uh, this was the seat I was going to sit
because there were cracker crumbs on it.
As it was first class, I suspect Ritz.
This is the train bathroom.
This is the Imodium I took
so I would never have to use the train bathroom.
I cannot believe you traveled the entire country
and never left the train station.
You know, I almost died in a fire in Des Moines,
but I stayed put.
that's when the Imodium gave out.