so you see what you eating is not technically yogurt,
知道了吧 你吃的这个 不算是真的酸奶酪
because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures.
It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness.
只不过是冰牛奶里加了点 角叉胶 增加粘稠度
Oh,that's very interesting.
It's also not pink and has no berries.
Yeah,but it doesn't really answer my question.
What was your question again?
Do you want some?
- I'm lactose intolerant. - Right.
- 我受不了乳糖的 - 对哦
- So,gas. - Yeah,got it.
- 吃了会放屁的 - 好吧 明白了
Well... good night.
What are you doing?
Oh,there's a draft.
I didn't feel a draft.
Why don't we just go into,uh,your...
Yeah,you know what,maybe we should slow things down a little.
No,no,I didn't mean to go into your apartment to go fast.
不 我不是说要去你公寓 去急着干嘛干嘛
I know what you meant,it's just... this is only our first date.
我知道你不是那意思 只是... 这才是咱俩第一次约会
嗯 好啊 没问题
Why don't we just figure out where we're going and when we want to get there,
那我们就先想想 下次要去哪儿 准备啥时候到那儿
and then rate of speed equals distance over time.
Or we could just wing it.
That might work,too.
- Good night,Leonard. - Good night.
- 晚安 莱纳德- 晚安
He's coming-- screensaver!
Oh,hey,Leonard. How was your date?
Sheldon,how could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
谢尔顿 你怎么能傻坐着 眼睁睁看他们监视我呢?
They were clever,Leonard.
They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.
他们完全明白 我对你那些破事儿 一点兴趣没有
You should thank us.
When future generations try to determine why your relationship with Penny crashed and burned,
this right here is the black box.
What are you talking about? The date went fine.
Dude,she said she wants to slow things down.
拜托 她都说了 想要慢慢来
Okay,so she said she wants to slow things down.
好吧 她是说了 想要慢慢来
It's like saying,"I'm really enjoying this meal.
I'm going to slow down and savor it."
No,it's like,"This fish tastes bad,
才怪 她的意思是 "这鱼真难吃死了
so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
- You being the fish. - I'm not the fish.
- 这臭鱼说的就是你! - 我才不是这臭鱼呢
Oh,really? Did you make a second date?
Well,no,we sort of decided to wing it.
这倒没有... 我们说好了 到时候再想
Oh,even I know that's lame.
Okay,all right,let's assume your hypothesis.
We went to dinner,we talked,we laughed,we kissed.
我们一起去吃饭 有说有笑 有吻有抱
Where could I have possibly gone wrong?
The littlest things can set women off.
Like,"Hey,the waitress is hot,I bet we could get her to come home with us."
比方说 "嘿 这服务生真辣 我打赌 肯定能让她跟咱回家"
Or,"How much does your mom weigh?
I want to know what I'm getting into."
I didn't say anything like that.
Good,'cause they don't work.
They also don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate.
她们也不关心 你是不是盯着她们 呼吸加速
Sadly,that's my home run swing.
挺惨的 在我们家 这就像是家族传统
Look,everything went fine.
I didn't even have to refer to my impromptu conversation starters.
That woman across the hall is into me.
Let's go to the tape.
Look at her reaction to the good night kiss.
No change in respiration,pupils un-dilated,no flushing of the chest.
呼吸平稳 瞳孔没有放大 胸口也没啥起伏
Nice close-up,by the way.
Interesting. Her jaws are clenched: no tongue access.
有意思嘿 她的下巴很紧 也没有用舌头
Clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans.
That's not a bad sign.
Please,you might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement.
得了吧 还不如说你们是两只鬣蜥 只是喉部没有垂肉罢了
And the worst sign of all is you're here and not there.
最糟的就是 这会儿你不在她家 而在这里!
I'm not there because I'm taking things slow,which,
我不在她家 因为我也决定慢慢来 这个...
by the way,compared to you guys,approaches warp speed.
And take down that camera.
He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
FYI,the hot water is inadequate on machine two,so colors only,
顺便说句 2号机器的热水不足 别深色浅色混着洗
and four is still releasing the fabric softener too early in the cycle,
4号机器呢 洗衣程序中 还是会提前放出织物柔顺剂
so I'd avoid using that for your delicates.
why don't you just take your clothes down to the river and beat them with a rock?
Sheldon,can I ask you a question?
I would prefer that you not,but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
All right,I heard yes,so...
Okay,here's my question.
Has Leonard ever dated,you know,a regular girl?
Well,I assume you're not referring to digestive regularity.
Because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.
No,I meant,has he ever been involved with someone who wasn't a brainiac?
我是说 他有没有跟 没那么大学问的女孩子谈过?
Well,a few years ago,he did go out with a woman who had a PhD in French literature.
话说几年前 他确实跟一个 学法国文学的女博士有过一段儿
How is that not a brainiac?
Well,for one thing,she was French.
For another,it was literature.
do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating,he'll eventually get bored with me?
- That depends. - On what?
- 那得看情况 - 什么情况?
- Do you have a working knowledge of quantum physics? - No.
- 你懂量子物理吗? - 不懂
- Do you speak Klingon? - No.
- 你会说克林贡语(《星际迷航》影片中的外星语)吗? - 不会
- You know any card tricks? - Okay,you know what...
- 你会耍牌吗? - 行了 我说...
Leonard has no business being involved with a waitress-slash-actress
who felt so insecure that she lied to him about finishing community college.
而且她还骗他说 上完了社区大学 心里正发慌呢
Why would you lie about that?
Well,he was going on and on about this college and that grad school,and I...
他总是在说这大学怎样 那个研究生院怎么样 我就...
I didn't want him to think I was some kind of stupid loser.
You thought the opposite of "stupid loser" was "community college graduate"?
You know,there are a lot of successful people in this country who are community college graduates.
Yeah,but you are neither.
Right. Okay,look,this is between you and me.
对 好吧 你得替我保密
You cannot tell Leonard any of this.
- You're asking me to keep a secret? - Yeah.
- 你要我保守秘密? - 是的
Well,I'm sorry,but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret,
那真对不起了 你应该在说出秘密前 表达出要我保密的意思
so that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the covenant of secret keeping.
You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis.
Secret keeping is a complicated endeavor.
One has to be concerned not only about what one says,
but about facial expressions,autonomic reflexes.
When I try to deceive,I myself have more nervous tics than a Lyme disease research facility.
我说谎的时候 因为紧张产生的壁虱(tick) 比莱姆关节炎研究设备产生的还多
It relies on the homonymic relationship between "tick,"
the bloodsucking arachnid,and "tic," the involuntary muscular contraction.
I made it up myself.
Okay,look,if Leonard finds out that I lied,I will absolutely die of embarrassment.
听着 如果莱纳德发现我说谎 我一定羞愧自尽了
哦 谢尔顿 拜托
Look,I am asking you as a friend.
So you're saying that friendship contains within it an inherent obligation to maintain confidences?
One more question,and perhaps I should have led with this.
When did we become friends?
i.e.,I couldn't become Green Lantern unless I was chosen by the Guardians of Oa,
也就是说 要不被总部守护先知选中 我就成不了绿灯侠(漫画人物)
but given enough start-up capital and an adequate research facility,I could be Batman.
但如果给我足够的启动资金和 足够的科研设备 我就能成为蝙蝠侠
- You could be Batman? - Sure. I'm Batman. See?
- 你能成为蝙蝠侠? - 当然 我就是蝙蝠侠 看见没?
- Hi,guys. - Hi,Penny.
- 嗨 伙计们 - 嗨 佩妮
Penny,if you're not doing anything Friday night,I thought maybe we could go see a movie.
佩妮 你周五晚上有空的话 我们去看电影吧
Oh,um,you know,I think I have the dinner shift on Friday.
Okay,what about Saturday?
You know,I'm not sure; the manager hasn't posted the schedule yet.
- How about I let you know? - Great.
- 出来了 我再告诉你? - 很好
So you just let me know when you know. Okay,so...
那你知道了就告诉我 好的 那...
Oh,God,I am the bad fish.
What did I do wrong?
Why are you asking me?
I have no information about your interactions with Penny other than what you have provided me,
你和佩妮的事儿 除了你已经告诉我的 我啥也不知道
nor do I have any method of learning such things.
- What does that mean? - Nothing.
- 这话什么意思? - 没什么
You seem to be implying an informational back-channel
between me and Penny where obviously none exists.
I just think you need to be careful how you phrase things,sir.
What's going on with you?
I might ask you the same question.
Why do you insist on attempting to drag me into matters which have nothing to do with me,
but exist between you and Penny,a person to whom I barely speak?
What's wrong with your face?
There's no reason to bring my looks into this.
- Good day,Leonard. - What
- 祝你今天过的愉快 莱纳德- 什么?
I said,"Good day."
Also today,we have a fresh-caught Alaska salmon,
and that's served with a teriyaki glaze and sticky rice.
Our soup of the day is...
You must release me from my oath.
Why don't you take a minute to decide?
I can't keep your secret,Penny.
I'm going to fold like an energy-based de novo protein in conformational space.
我就像构象空间里 基于能量的内源蛋白 要折叠起来了 (fold 也有失败的意思)
Like a Renaissance tryptich.
就像是文艺复兴时期的三联画 (教堂祭坛上的饰物 两翼可向内折叠)
Like a cheap suit.
Look,why is it so hard for you to keep one little secret?
I'm constitutionally incapable.
That's why I was refused clearance for a very prestigious government research fellowship
at a secret military supercollider located beneath a fake agricultural station
项目里的超级对撞机 位于密歇根州 特拉弗斯城东南12.5英里的
12.5 miles southeast of Traverse City,Michigan.
Which you did not hear about from me.
Look,just forget I told you about me...
not graduating from community college,okay?
Forget? You want me to forget?
This mind does not forget.
I haven't forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me.
- It was a drizzly Tuesday. - Okay...
- 那天是周二 下着毛毛雨 - 好了...
Look,you promised me you would keep my secret,
so you're just gonna have to figure out a way to do it.
Leonard,I'm moving out.
What do you mean you're moving out? Why?
There doesn't have to be a reason.
Yeah,there kinda does.
This is a classic example of Munchausen's Trilemma.
Either the reason is predicated on a series of sub-reasons leading to an infinite regression,
要么就是 这个前提通过一系列 不断弱化的次前提 已经得到阐述
or it tracks back to arbitrary axiomatic statements,
要么就是 能从所谓偶然的公理陈述中 找到答案
or it's ultimately circular,
i.e.I'm moving out because I'm moving out.
也就是说 因为我要搬出去 所以我要搬出去
I'm still confused.
Leonard,I don't see how I could have made it any simpler.
Hey,qu'est que s'up?
嘿 伙计们 还好吗?(蹩脚法语)
We just got back from that exhibit of those plasticized human cadavers.
And some of those skinless chicks were Hot!
If you'll excuse me,I'm going to pack.
That's kind of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia.
It's not you,Howard. He says he's moving out.
霍华德 不关你事 他说他要搬出去
Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?
Did you take a Band-Aid off in front of him?
Did you buy generic ketchup,forget to rinse the sink,
talk to him through the bathroom door?
Adjust the thermostat,cook with cilantro,pronounce the "t" in often?
调了恒温器? 煮菜放了芫荽叶? "t"那音总是忘了发?
Did you make fun of trains?
No,I didn't do anything. He's just gone insane.
没有 我啥都没干 他疯了
Well,we all knew this day was coming.
Well,that was fast.
It's my pre-packed disaster evacuation bag.
It's recommended by the Department of Homeland Security.
And Sarah Connor.
Where are you going to live?
Until I find a permanent place,I will stay with friends.
Well... you can't stay with me.
I have a teeny-tiny apartment.
Excuse me,but isn't hosting guests an aspect of "manushya yajna,"
one of the five central religious duties or sacrifices of the Hindu householder?
Don't be ridiculous,you love trains.
Yes,I do. Come on.
啊 没错 来吧
See you later,Leonard.
This is a very old building.
60 years. It used to be a watch factory.
Don't you worry about the residual radium from the luminous dials?
I can't believe I didn't bring my Geiger counter.
I had it on my bed and I didn't pack it.
Well,if you're not comfortable staying here,Sheldon...
那么... 谢尔顿 要是你觉得住着不舒服
I'm kidding,I packed it.
I was subverting the conversational expectations.
I believe they call that the,uh,ol' switcharoo.
Is that woman Aishwarya Rai?
Yes,isn't she an amazing actress?
Actually,I'd say she's a poor man's Madhuri Dixit.
我倒觉得她是可怜虫心中的玛杜瑞·迪克西特 (印度90年代知名影星 后结婚生子)
Aishwarya Rai is a goddess.
By comparison,Madhuri Dixit is a leprous prostitute.
相比之下 玛杜瑞·迪克西特 就是得麻风病的妓女
Sorry,I didn't mean to offend you.
Obviously,you're not that familiar with Indian cinema.
Shouldn't you put him in a brown paper bag and set him on fire?
I've never slept on an air mattress before.
No lumbar support whatsoever.
Maybe you'd be happier on a park bench.
I don't see any way to get a park bench in here.
Do you want to switch?
I'm perfectly comfortable sleeping on a bouncy castle.
Get out of bed. We're switching.
- Now,only if you want to. - Just get in the bed!
- 我没逼着你换 - 快下床!
Are you boys roughhousing?
We're just talking,Ma!
If you don't settle down right now,
I'm not going to let you have any more sleepovers!
For God's sake,Ma,I'm 27 years old!
老天啊 老妈 我都27了!
And it's not even a school night!
That poster of Halle Berry is a little unnerving.
So don't look at it.
She's like my fourth favorite Catwoman.
Yeah,Julie Newmar,Michelle Pfieffer,Eartha Kitt,and then her.
对 前三个是朱莉·纽曼 米切尔·菲佛尔 和伊尔特·基特
What about Lee Merriweather?
Oh,I forgot about Lee Merriweather.
Well,I'm glad that's settled.
That makes Halle Berry my fifth favorite Catwoman.
It's Julie Newmar,Michelle Pfieffer,Eartha Kitt,Lee Merriweather--
朱莉·纽曼 米切尔·菲佛尔 伊尔特·基特 李·梅里韦瑟...
Please,I'm begging you. Go to sleep.
I'm trying. I'm counting Catwomen.
She did make a fine mutant in the X-Men movies,though.
Oh,for God's sake.
She's not my favorite of the X-Men.
In order that would be: Wolverine,Cyclops--
Oh,wait,I forgot Professor X.
噢 等等 我忘了X教授
Professor X,Wolverine,Cyclops,Iceman,then Storm,Angel,the Beast--
X教授 金钢狼 雷射眼 冰人 然后是暴风女 天使 还有野兽
不对 等等 还有蓝魔人
Professor X,Nightcrawler,Wolverine,Cyclops,Iceman,then Storm,Angel...
X教授 蓝魔人 金钢狼 雷射眼 冰人 暴风女 天使...
There he is. There my old buddy bud bud.
Koothrappali dumped him on me,and he couldn't get to sleep,
so I gave him a glass of warm milk with a handful of my mom's Valium in it...
but he still wouldn't shut up,so tag,you're It.
可他还是不肯住嘴 得了 还给你吧
I still don't know why you left.
You promised Penny what?
I wouldn't tell you the secret.
What secret? Tell me the secret.
Mom smokes in the car.
Jesus is okay with it but we can't tell Dad.
Not that secret. The other secret.
- I'm Batman-- Shh! - Damn it! Sheldon!
- 我是蝙蝠侠 嘘! - 我靠! 谢尔顿!
You said Penny told you a secret. What's the secret?
你说 佩妮跟你说了个秘密 什么秘密?
Okay,I'll tell you,but you can't tell Leonard.
好吧 我告诉你 不过你不能告诉莱纳德
Penny lied about graduating from community college
'cause she's afraid she's not smart enough for Leonard.
So it's nothing I did? It's her problem?
I drank milk that tasted funny.
Penny thinks I'm too smart for her. That's ridiculous.
Most of your work is extremely derivative.
And don't worry,that's not a secret.
Listen,I know what's been bothering you about us,and I have the answer.
听着 我已经知道我们之间的问题了 我也有了解决方案
What are you talking about?
Okay,first,I want to say that it's not Sheldon's fault.
好的 首先 这不是谢尔顿的错
He tried very hard to keep your secret.
If Howard hadn't drugged him,he would've taken it to his grave.
Yes,but it's okay.
Now that we know what the problem is there's a simple solution.
Pasadena City College?
A place for fun,a place for knowledge.
See,this man here is playing hackey-sack,and this girl's gonna be a paralegal.
看见没? 这男的在玩沙包球 那女的会成为律师助手
Because Dr. Leonard Hofstadter can't date a girl without a fancy college degree.
Well,it's really not that fancy.
It's just a city college.
Right,but I have to have some sort of degree to date you?
没错 不过要和你约会 总得有个学位什么的是吧?
That doesn't matter to me at all.
So it's fine with you if I'm not smart.
Okay,this time,I know where I went wrong.