Gentlemen,I put it to you:
the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavor.
First off,that is axiomatically wrong because the best pudding is chocolate.
首先 明眼人都知道这话错的 因为最好的布丁是巧克力口味
Secondly,the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death.
其次 西米的有机结构使布丁 黏糊糊摇晃晃 有潜在致命危险
It is extracted from the plant...
Hey,I'm thinking of growing a mustache.
Fu Manchu,a handlebar,pencil?
傅满洲那样的? 八字胡 又尖又长?
- It's extracted from the plant. - I'm not sure yet.
- 是从植物中提取 - 还没想好呢
You know,George Clooney has one now.
Really? I once saw him shopping at Ralph's. He was buying tequila.
You'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey.
All right,this is cruel.
We'd better let him finish before his head explodes.
All right,Sheldon,why is tap...
好吧 谢尔顿 为啥西...
Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant manihot esculenta!
Due to a high concentration of cyanide,
it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly!
It is also indigenous to Brazil as is the coa bean,from which we get chocolate,the best pudding.
同时可可豆也是巴西的 从中能提取巧克力 做最好的布丁
And you promised you wouldn't do that anymore!
Heard about your latest anti-proton decay experiment.
20,000 data runs and no statistically significant results.
Don't feel bad,Leonard. Negative results are still results.
别气馁 莱纳德 没用的结果也是结果
- Even 20,000 of them. - All right!
- 就算两万又算啥 - 行啦!
Please don't cheer me up anymore.
Come on. Don't let him get to you. It's Kripke.
别呀 不要让他打击到你 Kripke哪根葱
Yeah,he's a ginormous knob.
That's why he eats by himself instead of sitting here at the cool table.
It's true Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted.
确实啊 Kripke确实缺乏 咱固有的那种基本社交技巧
But he also controls the new open science grid computer
that I need to use to run some simulations of structure formation in the early universe.
Well,good luck getting time on it.
The only people he lets use it are his friends.
Well,then,the solution is simple.
I shall befriend him.
What would you say to the idea of you and I becoming friends?
I would say I have no interest in becoming your friend.
That seems rather shortsighted coming from someone who is generally considered altogether unlikable.
Why don't you take some time to reconsider?
Yeah,I'll do that.
Well,I think we're off to a terrific start.
Now any e-mail from Wolowitz will go right into your spam folder.
Thanks. I mean,the e-mail doesn't bother me as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit.
多谢 其实骚扰邮件倒没啥 他穿浴衣的度假照比较雷人
Yeah,I got the same one,and that's not a bathing suit. It's a tan line.
是呀 我也收到了 那可不是浴衣 是晒痕
Hello,this is Sheldon Cooper.
I am leaving a message for Barry Kripke.
Barry,it was pleasant seeing you today in the cafeteria.
I saw that you purchased the chef's salad.
Apparently,you did not know that the chef's salad is kitchen trickery to utilize scrap meat.
显然 你不知道推荐沙拉是 食堂的杂碎肉骗人把戏
Nevertheless,I hope you enjoyed it.
I'm following up on our pending friendship and I look forward to hearing from you regarding its status.
What's up with Ichabod?
Uh,he's trying to make a new friend.
Oh,really? Well,good for him.
Well,unless he makes one out of wood like Geppetto,I don't think it's gonna happen.
How did you guys become friends?
There was a flyer on the bulletin board at the university:
"Roommate wanted.Whistlers need not apply."
And you moved in anyway?
I assumed he was joking.
You'd be surprised how many particle physicists have a whimsical side.
What about Howard and Raj? I mean,how did he become friends with them?
I don't know. How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring?
Proximity and valence electrons.
Well,sure,when you put it that way.
But it all worked out,right?
I suppose. I do miss whistling,though.
Penny? Penny? Penny?
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
It's a questionnaire I devised.
I'm having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at work
so I'm doing a little research to better understand why my current friends like me.
所以我想做些小调查 更好的了解 为什么我目前的朋友们喜欢我
Yes,well,that is a good question.
But is this really the best way to figure it out?
I agree. The social sciences are largely hokum.
But short of putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response to my companionship,
this is the best I can do.
Okay,"Question one: "Rank the following aspects of Sheldon Cooper "in order of appeal:"
好 "问题1: 按吸引力程度给 谢尔顿·库珀以下各方面排序
Intelligence;ruthless attention to hygiene;playfulness; JAVA applet writing"?
聪明 洁癖 有趣 Java程序编写?"
I know,I may have started out with a fairly obvious one;
an aspect of my most appealing trait: playfulness.
Why don't you just go ahead and rank that number one?
I'm afraid you're on your own for the rest.
It should take you no more than three hours.
Well,wait. How many questions are on this thing?
Don't worry. In deference to you,I kept them all at a high school graduate reading level.
别担心 为了照顾你 这份高中毕业就能读懂
You got it... buddy.
Sheldon,honey,did you ever consider making friends by being,I don't know,pleasant?
谢尔顿 亲爱的 你有没有考虑过 通过让人开心来交友啊?
Well,that's certainly a thought-provoking hypothesis.
May I suggest it as the topic for your essay?
Your questionnaire,very disappointing.
I answered every question,Sheldon.
You answered the multiple choice questions in a pattern:
A B B A C A B B A C A- B-A-C.A- B-A-C.
Oh,you picked up on that,huh?
How could I not?
Come on. There's over 200 questions.
And look at some of these things.
"Sheldon is to camaraderie as the space shuttle is to blank?"
There are a number of acceptable answers.
For example,Near-Earth transport."
But certainly not Avocado rancher."
And your essay suggesting that I'd have better luck making friends if I wait till the Cylons take over?
Now hold on. I put some real work into that.
Yes,well,it's better than what Wolowitz did.
He drew a raccoon with what appears to be a distended scrotum.
Until you get to the scrotum.
What hope do I have for establishing new relationships given that
my current friends apparently could not take a few hours out of their lives to help me?
Sheldon,I'm not going to defend a big-balled raccoon.
Well,I don't see how you could.
What I'm trying to say is that maybe you can't approach this as a purely intellectual exercise.
我想说的是 或许你不能把 这些当作纯粹智力习题来对待
Well,remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the Internet?
Ididlearn how to swim.
The skills are transferable.
I just have no interest in going in the water.
Then why learn how to swim?
The ice caps are melting,Leonard.
In the future,swimming isn't going to be optional.
But you do bring up an interesting point.
I don't have to break new ground here.
I'm sure much of the research already exists.
No,no,my point is,if you want to learn how to make friends,
不 不 我想说的是 如果你想学如何交友
then just go out to a coffee shop or a museum.
Meet people. Talk to them.
Take an interest intheirlives.
That's insane on the face of it.
- Come on. - Where are we going?
- 走吧 - 我们去哪儿?
You're driving me to the mall.
I'm going to acquire a book that summarizes the current theories in the field of friend-making.
Why don't you just lie down on the floor and swim there?
Coping with the Death of a Loved One.
- My condolences. - Thank you.
- 节哀顺变 - 感谢你
- Family or friend? - Family.
- 家人还是朋友? - 家人
If it had been a friend,I'm available to fill the void.
It's just as well. She smelled like mothballs.
Okay,if you're gonna start sniffing people,I'm gonna go get a hot pretzel.
好吧 要是你在这嗅人玩 我去买点热脆饼
Do you have any books about making friends?
Um,yeah,but they're all for little kids.
嗯 有 但都是写给小孩子的
I assume the skills can be extrapolated and transferred.
I guess. They're right over there by the wooden train set.
Oh,my,that's awfully sticky.
哎 呀 还真粘
All right,let's see...
Bernie Bunny Has Two Daddies Now.
That's probably about homosexual rabbits.
Gerry the Gerbil and the Bullies on the Bus.
Read it. Not helpful.
Stu the Cockatoo Is New at the Zoo.
"Author Sarah Carpenter lives in Fort Wayne,Indiana
莎拉·卡朋特作 现与其爱人 朋友马克以及鹦鹉斯图
"with her husband and best friend,Mark,and their cockatoo Stu."
Hardly makes her an expert in making friends,wouldn't you agree?
I don't like birds. They scare me.
Most people don't see it.
What are you reading?
Oh,I do like monkeys.
Curious George is a monkey.
Somewhat anthropomorphized,but yes.
Say,maybe sometime you and I could go see monkeys together. Would you like that?
或许 啥时候咱俩去看个猴子呗 你觉得好不?
Sheldon,what are you doing?
I'm making friends with this little girl. What's your name?
Hi,Rebecca. I'm your new friend,Sheldon.
嗨 瑞贝卡 我是你的新朋友谢尔顿
No,you're not. Let's go.
不 别搞了 走吧
- We were really hitting it off. - Don't look up. There's cameras.
- 我俩聊得正投机呢 - 别抬头 上面有摄像头
********the "How well do you know Sheldon" section,
what did you put for his favorite amino acid?
- Lysine. - Lysine.
- 赖氨酸 - 赖氨酸
Damn it,I had lysine and changed it.
完了 我本来写了赖氨酸 又改了
Oh,good,you're just in time.
I believe I've isolated the algorithm for making friends.
Sheldon,there is no algorithm for making friends.
Well,hear him out. If he's really onto something,
得了 听他讲完 要是真有啥发现
we could open a booth at Comic-Con.Make a fortune.
See,my initial approach to Kripke had the same deficiencies
as those that plagued Stu the Cockatoo when he was new at the zoo.
Yes. He's new at the zoo.
It's a terrific book.
I've distilled its essence into a simple flow chart that will guide me through the process.
Have you thought about putting him in a crate while you're out of the apartment?
Hello,Kripke? Sheldon Cooper here.
你好 Kripke? 我是谢尔顿·库珀
It occurred to me that you hadn't returned any of my calls
because I hadn't offered any concrete suggestions for pursuing our friendship.
Perhaps the two of us might share a meal together.
Well,then perhaps you'd have time for a hot beverage?
Popular choices include tea,coffee,cocoa.
最受欢迎的有茶 咖啡 可可
I see. No,no,no,wait. Don't hang up yet.
了解了解 别 先别挂
What about a recreational activity?
I bet we share some common interests.
Tell me an interest of yours.
Really? On actual horses?
Tell me another interest of yours.
I'm sorry. I have no desire to get in the water till I absolutely have to.
抱歉 不到逼不得已 我才不下水游泳
Tell me another interest of yours.
Uh-oh,he's stuck in an infinite loop.
Interesting,but isn't ventriloquism by definition a solo activity?
Yeah. Tell me another interest of yours.
Is there any chance you like monkeys?
What is wrong with you? Everybody likes monkeys.
A loop counter and an escape to the least objectionable activity.
I'm surprised you saw that.
Gee,why can't Sheldon make friends?
All right,Kripke,that last interest strikes me as the least objectionable,
好了 Kripke 你刚说那兴趣爱好 是我不太讨厌的
and I would like to propose that we do that together.
Yes,I'll pay. All right,good-bye.
是的 我付钱 好的 拜拜
All right. Time to learn rock climbing.
You know,I am a fan of ventriloquism.
Maybe you,me and your dummy could go get a hot beverage.
He could talk while you drink.
Nope. I wanna climb some rocks.
This appears significantly more monolithic than it did on my laptop.
One expects to see hominids learning to use bones as weapons.
You afraid of heights,Cooper?
Hardly. A fear of heights is illogical.
A fear of falling,on the other hand,is prudent and evolutionary.
What would you say is the minimum altitude I need to achieve to cement our newfound friendship?
Come on,they have birthday parties here. Little kids climb this.
好啦 这开生日会呢 小盆友都爬
Little kid hominids perhaps.
So is this your entire job? Your parents must be so proud.
- Let's go,Cooper. - I'm coming,Kripke.
- 来啊 库珀 - 来了 Kripke
Okay,the harness seems to be secure.
A small amount of incontinence just now,but the Web site said that's to be expected.
this isn't so bad. It's like vertical swimming.
Hey,look at you,Cooper. You're almost halfway to the top.
嘿 瞧瞧 库珀 都爬到一半了
I was wrong. It is a fear of heights.
You all right there,Cooper?
I feel somewhat like an inverse tangent function that's approached an asymptote.
Are you saying you're stuck?
What part of inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote did you not understand?
I understood all of it. I'm not a moron. Just keep going.
我都明白 我又不是白痴 接着爬啦
Yeah,I don't think I can.
Well,then climb back down.
No,that doesn't seem any more likely.
What's your plan,Cooper?
Well,it's not exactly a plan,but I think I'm going to pass out.
I'm sorry,can we please just do it one more time?
好的 一二 一二三
It's a little thing,but you really do miss it.
I brought my new friend Barry Kripke home for dinner.
How was rock climbing?
Just hung there like a big salami.
Tha-tha-that's where I sit.
那 那 那是我的座
Ooh,you have a special spot? What kind of wacko are you?
How much time you got?
You want some Chinese food?
Terrific. Got any dental floss?
I got to floss the Indian food out of my teeth if I'm gonna eat Chinese.
Sheldon,are you okay?
Oh,yes,I pass out all the time,but it was worth it.
哦 好呀 全晕过去了 但值了
I've made substantial progress in bonding with Kripke,which brings me to an awkward moment.
Maintaing five friendships promises to be a Herculean task,so...
I'm going to have to let one of you go.
Me,me,let it be me.
我 我 选我吧
Leonard,you are my roommate,my source of transportation,
莱纳德 你是我的室友 我的出行工具
and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer.
- Can I whistle? - Don't be silly.
- 能吹口哨不? - 别犯傻
Howard,you do not have a PhD; your cologne is an assault on the senses;
霍华德 你没有博士学位 你的古龙水刺激感官
and you're not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays.
Guilty as charged. I'm out.
No. You too are safe.
Oh,come on. What do I have to do?
哦 不是吧 我该怎么做呀?
Okay,you know what? I see where this is going.
I'm not one of you guys. I'm not a scientist,so just tell me...
我不属于你们中的一员 我也不是科学家 直接告诉我...
Penny,Penny,Penny,everything you're saying is true,but please allow me to continue.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮 你说的都对 但请听我说完
That's a good question.
While you do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogenous group,
your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing.
How could you for a moment think that my favorite amino acid is glutamine?
He had lysine,but changed it.
I like to floss before I eat so my gum pockets are open for new food.
How did I walk past you?
- I'm Barry. - Penny.
- 我是贝瑞 - 佩妮
Eh,that's not a very hot name.
I'm going to call you Roxanne.
Suddenly,I'm looking pretty good,huh?
So,Kripke,I was wondering if there's any chance you could get me some time on the open science grid computer?
Kripke 我在想你能不能借我用用 开放科学网格计算机呢?
- No. - No? But we're friends.
- 不行 - 不行? 我们是朋友啊
I'm sorry. No,my friend.
抱歉 不行 我的盆友
I was given to understand that you allow your friends time on the machine.
No,that's wrong. There's an official schedule. I have no control over it.
不 不是那么回事 有正式安排的 我做不了主
Well,this entire endeavor seems to have been an exercise in futility.
Raj,you're back in.
You gotta give him credit for sticking with it.
I didn't think he had it in him.
And he almost made it to the top this time.