Oh, damn, they canceled my Visa.
Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!
I was going to get my mail.
Are... are you hoping to get it telepathically?
I think you mean telekinetically.
I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol
now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.
God, can we please just say "no longer seeing each other"?
Well, we could if it were true.
But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time.
The variable which has changed is the coitus.
Okay, here's the protocol: you and I are still friends, and you stop saying "coitus."
咱来定个协议 你我继续做朋友 还有你别再说"交媾"
I'm glad we're still friends.
Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life.
当然 适应你出现在我日常生活中 可花了我不少功夫
I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.
Just to be clear, do I have to stop saying "coitus" with everyone or just you?
再问清楚 我不能跟所有人说交媾 还是只是不能跟你说
But all right-- I'll just substitute "intercourse."
Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I'll hold that in reserve.
Well, my existence is a continuum,
so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
You're just coitusing with me, aren't you?
How's Leonard doing?
He seems all right.
Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time
looking at photographs of you
and smelling the pillow you slept on.
Oh, but now that I think of it,
he asked me not to tell you that.
I'll pretend I didn't hear it.
I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it.
I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce.
That's the sauce my mother uses.
She likes cooking Italian because according to her,
that's what the Romans made Jesus eat.
I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.
Why don't you give me an hour and come over?
Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?
I don't have hot dogs.
Oh, it's all right; I do.
Oh! You're in for what my mother calls "a real Eye-talian treat".
Hey, where you been?
I was talking with Penny.
What's wrong with you?
You can't hang out with your roommate's ex.
That's totally uncool.
No, it's fine. I don't care.
Yeah, he's over it; that's why he's been whining all day
对 走出来了 所以他整天都在怨念
about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
Is he making any progress?
Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
So would Ben Affleck.
The point is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides.
重点是 面对这种情况 你得做出选择
You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
Which one picks last?
Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last.
Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair.
Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken.
I hope you're hungry.
Well, of course I'm hungry.
And as I have no plans to eat with any other team,
I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto.
Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?
I don't know. Why?
Just making dinner conversation.
Oh, God, this is good.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you believe you're going to go to hell
for eating sweet and sour pork?
Jews don't have hell.
We have acid reflux.
Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?
It's not like I have to moderate my food intake
because I'm planning on eating again very shortly.
So, you guys want to do something tonight?
Nah, I can't. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class.
18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool.
Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.
What about you, Raj?
now that you don't have a girlfriend,
you want to hang out with me again.
- I never stopped hanging out with you. - Oh, please,
we all know I'm the friend you call when you have no other options.
If we were the Justice League, I'd be Aquaman.
I wish you were Aquaman.
Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank.
Excuse me, I'm thirsty, so I'm going to go to the refrigerator
抱歉 我渴了 我要去冰箱里
and get myself a refreshing beverage.
You know what? I'll just spend the evening alone.
What, suddenly I'm not good enough for you?
I do so love beverages.
Now I think I'll take my after-dinner walk.
Since when do you take after-dinner walks?
Yeah, since when do you take walks?
I read a study online that walking after a meal
not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin,
and you know me, if there's one thing I like
more than a refreshing beverage, it's serotonin. Bye-bye.
我更喜欢什么 那肯定就是5-羟色胺了 拜拜
Hold on. I'll walk down with you.
That's not necessary.
Or we could go together.
I can't think of a reason why not.
Nope, no reason.
All right, say hello to your mother for me.
You said you were going for a walk.
I didn't say outside.
So what, you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs?
No, of course not.
That would be odd and suspicious behavior.
Here, Russell! Here, boy!
到这儿来 拉塞尔 过来呀 宝贝儿
Which way are you going?
Which way are "you" going?
I parked my scooter down the block.
I'm going the other way. Bye.
Actually, I'm this way.
Do I smell hot dogs?
No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.
不是 我是说 我不知道你闻到了什么
I definitely smell raw hot dog.
Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor.
All right, have a nice walk.
I shall. Have a nice scoot.
You might want to stand back.
I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here.
Oh. Hello, doggie.
I bet you think you smell hot dogs.
I had to trade the others for my life.
I haven't had sex in a year.
Where you going with this, Raj?
Don't flatter yourself, dude.
I want to go out and meet a woman.
- So, go. - Well, I need a wingman.
I don't want to come off like a lonely loser.
And you think "my" presence will help with that?
Next to you, I'll look like a catch.
I'm not going out tonight, Raj.
Would you mind if I went to your room
and downloaded some Asian pornography?
Doesn't have to be Asian.
Don't worry. You'll meet a girl someday.
- No, I won't. - Yes, you will, and she'll be beautiful.
-不可能的 -绝对可能 而且还很漂亮
And kind and sexy and funny
善良 性感 幽默
and everything you ever wanted in a woman.
You really think so?
I do, and you'll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart.
没错 你会一发不可收拾地 爱上她 向她敞开心扉
And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.
But we'll have sex first, right?
So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?
In fact, he said, "I'm fine. I don't care."
其实他说了 "我没事 我不在乎"
And he in no way said it in a manner
which would lead one to believe that he was covering up
feelings of anguish and betrayal.
- Well, good. - I'm also
pleased to report that he's all cried out over you.
Oh, I believe that was something else
I wasn't supposed to mention.
Oh, God, I feel terrible.
哦 天哪 我好难过
Do you have a stomachache, too?
No. Why, do you?
没有啊 怎么了 你胃疼吗
Why did you ask if I had one, too?
Just making polite dinner conversation.
So, what's new in your life?
Well, my new shoes are not made for running.
Have you been running?
It's just a suspicion I have.
- I'm so glad you like it. -I do.
Leonard never cooks for me.
Well, maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook.
You can't cook and you made me this.
Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell.
Do you think she's really doing that
or is it PhotoShop?
I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked
with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.
You don't know that.
Prison changes people.
Hey, where you been?
I told you, walking.
For an hour and a half?
How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.
Satellites are down. Solar flares.
There are no solar flares right now.
Dude, I'm an astrophysicist.
If there were solar flares, I'd be all up in it.
I'm sorry. I misspoke.
What I meant to say was my battery died.
What the hell was that about?
Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?
Oh, we really need to get you a girl.
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
What do you want, Sheldon?
Maybe this isn't a good time.
Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.
Do you really think death threats
are an appropriate way to begin this conversation?
Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.
You may want to sit down.
You may want to sit up.
I've been seeing Penny behind your back.
When you say "seeing Penny," what exactly does that mean?
We had dinner last night.
She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it.
Well, little hot dog.
I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog.
A real, big dog.
Tangential to the primary story.
How about I circle back to it?
Why did you have dinner with Penny?
I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs.
I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.
Then why did you have Chinese food with us?
I didn't want to upset you.
Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be
to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
Is it possible he said, "Bros before hos"?
Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.
对 我改了下措辞 避免提到妓女这个词
Sheldon, I don't care if you want to be friends with Penny.
Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that's been keeping me
from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?
Well... then as my meemaw would say,
"Looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon."
And now, as promised, the tangent.
现在 之前我承诺过的 那个题外话
Sheldon and the Hell Hound.
Or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.
I, I can come back.
We're going to run into each other.
May as well get used to it.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
You used to it yet?
- Nope. - Me neither.
Oh, Sheldon seemed to think that I would be upset
about you hanging out with him.
But I just want you to know it's fine.
Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.
Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.
I was going to do that.
Oh, well, then you... you do it.
No, I don't want to do it. You can do it.
不 我根本就不想带 还是你来吧
Okay, you can take him for shoes.
I just took him for shoes.
Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.
Fine. I'll take him for shoes next Saturday.
Oh, no, no, no-- a bunch of us from work
are going to Disneyland next Saturday
and Sheldon wants to come.
You're taking him to Disneyland?
Well, he heard me making plans on the phone.
Was I going to say "no"?
But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food.
I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.
We're going to Disneyland.
He's going to eat junk food.
All I'm saying is give me a heads-up.
And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats.
He'll say he can handle it, but I promise
you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes.
All right, got it. Is there anything else?
好的 明白 还有什么提醒的吗
Yeah, don't let Goofy near him.
He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it.
What's the problem with Goofy?
Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto.
Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles
needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?
We're officially out of things to talk about.
It's 10:00.Where have you been?
We stayed for the California Adventure water show.
It was pure Disney magic.
I was going to see that with him.
How was I supposed to know that?
It's all right. I'll see it again with you.
And I have food here. You said you were going to call.
No, you already threw up once.
Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
Okay, but just don't fight
- We're not fighting. - Just go.
Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland?
You're welcome, sweetie.
Want a cup of coffee?
Oh, um, I should probably get going.
Come on. It's just a cup of coffee.
Uh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too.
What am I smelling?
Sheldon's churro on my shoes.
He's such an angel when he's asleep.
Shame he has to wake up.
I think we can do it.
Smother Sheldon in his sleep?Wouldn't that be wrong?
No, be friends. You and me.
不 你跟我 做朋友
Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there:
friends who have sex.
Good night, Leonard.
Just a couple of friends Goofing around.