And now the kung pao chicken.
Oh, there you have it, gentlemen.
Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.
And it only took 28 minutes.
Impressive, but we must be cautious.
- Why? - Today, it's a Chinese food retrieval robot.
Tomorrow, it travels back in time
and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
I don't think that's going to happen, Sheldon.
That's why it happens.
Hey. Is the food here?
is the Wolowitz Programmable Hand,
designed for extravehicular repairs
on the International Space Station.
Ask me to pass the soy sauce.
Oh, does that come up much on the space station?
Mostly with Asian and Jewish astronauts.
- All right. Pass the soy sauce. - Coming up.
-好吧 给我酱油 -就来
You realize, Penny, that the technology
that went into this arm will one day make
unskilled food servers such as yourself obsolete.
They're going to make a robot that spits on your hamburger?
I thought you broke up with her.
Passing the soy sauce.
I wouldn't say amazing.
At best, it's a modest leap forward
from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.
Does NASA know you're using that thing as a napkin holder?
You kidding? They still think it's in a secure locker at JPL.
（JPL: 喷气推进实验室 美国顶尖机器人实验室）
The trick is to carry it out to your car like you own it.
Amy's at the dry cleaners,
and she's made a very amusing pun.
"I don't care for perchloroethylene,
and I don't like glycol ether."
She doesn't like glycol ether.
Sounds like "either."
- Who's Amy? - His girlfriend.
- Sheldon has a girlfriend? - She's not my girlfriend.
- How long has this been going on? - Four months.
She's not my girlfriend.
Are you telling me, for the past four months
I have been asking you, "What's new?"
and you never thought to go with,
"Sheldon has a girlfriend"?
She's not my girlfriend.
How did they meet?
Raj and I entered Sheldon's information on a dating site,
and it spit out Amy Farrah Fowler.
Oh, my God! Sheldon and Amy.
Or, as we call them, "Shamy."
I am so digging the Shamy.
All right, everyone pay attention.
Yes, I have a friend named Amy Farrah Fowler.
Yes, she is female.
Yes, we communicate on a daily basis,
but no, she is not my girlfriend.
Okay, well, what do you communicate about?
Well, my work in physics, her work in neurobiology,
and most recently, the possibility of our having a child together.
Wait a minute-- a child?
You never see this girl.
You just e-mail and text and Twitter.
Now you're considering having a baby?
Amy pointed out that between the two of us,
our genetic material has the potential
of producing the first in a line
of intellectually superior, benign overlords
to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
I'm guessing that future historians
will condemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.
Okay, I have a question.
You don't even like people touching you.
How are you going to have sex?
Why on earth would we have sex?
Oh, honey, did your mom not have the talk with you?
You know, when your private parts started growing?
I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce,
Which is messy, unsanitary,
And based on living next to you for three years,
Involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Consequently, if Amy and I choose
to bring new life into this world,
It will be accomplished clinically,
with fertility experts in a lab with petri dishes.
you have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigor.
你不仅屁股大 而且头脑简单 精力充沛
Is your womb available for rental?
Still digging the Shamy?
before you race off to the fertility clinic,
you might want to think about--
uh, gee, I don't know--
maybe actually spending some time with her.
- You mean dating? - Yeah.
- I can't date Amy. - Why not?
She's not my girlfriend.
Okay, look, don't think of it as dating a girlfriend.
Think of it as, uh...
Getting to know the future mother of your child.
I hadn't considered that.
I suppose she will have to have access to our progeny.
And you don't think I can achieve
the required intimacy via text messaging?
It would appear as if the phone companies have been lying to me.
You do realize I stand on the other side of the door
waiting for you to finish knocking three times.
I know. I can see the shadow of your feet under the door.
Yeah, my point is it's a waste of time.
If you're looking for an example
of a waste of time, I would refer you
to the conversation we're having right now.
I've decided to take your advice and have arranged
to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler.
- Have fun. - Wait.
You have to drive me.
- What? - You know I don't drive.
- Well, go ask Leonard. - I did.
He said-- and I quote-- "Ask Penny.
他说 我复述 问问佩妮
It was her cockamamy idea."
Leonard said "cockamamy"?
Actually, I'm paraphrasing.
Having been raised in a Christian household,
I'm uncomfortable with the language he used.
I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamy."
Okay, fine. When's the date?
Hurry. We're going to be late.
Sheldon, did it ever occur to you
that I might have other plans?
Do you have other plans?
Well, no, not per se, but...
So this conversation is as pointless
as your door-knocking soliloquy?
Let me get my... cockamamy keys.
Oh, God, that feels so good.
Yeah, that's the spot.
Howard, dinner's ready!
Just like a real hand.
Thank you for driving me.
I wish you weren't wearing flip-flops.
It's dangerous to drive in flip-flops.
- Sheldon. - Sorry.
I just don't want to be yet another flip-flop fatality.
Can I ask you a question?
Given your community college education,
I encourage you to ask me as many as possible.
Yeah. Well, my question is--
and I'm pretty sure I know the answer--
Is this your first date?
Does square-dancing with my sister
at a Teens for Jesus Fourth of July Hoedown
Then, this is my first date.
Okay. Well, then, there's a couple of things
you should probably know.
I have a master's degree and two doctorates.
The things I should know, I do know.
My point is, I know more about dating than you,
and if you were as smart as you think you are,
you would listen to me.
If you know so much, how come I have a date tonight
and you have nothing better to do than drive me to it?
You know, there's something I've always wondered about Aquaman.
- Yeah? - Where does he poop?
What would a toilet look like in Atlantis?
How would you flush it?
And when you did flush it, where would the poop go?
Hold that thought.
Hey, Howard. What's going on?
喂 霍华德 怎么了
Hold on. Howard, Howard, slow down.
等等 霍华德 慢点说
The robot hand is stuck on your what?
You're not going to believe this.
So, um, Amy, Sheldon tells me
you're a neuro... something-or-other.
Your "check engine" light is on.
But the light indicates...
I've wasted many an hour
tilting at that particular windmill.
Uh, what is that scent you're wearing?
Well, your hair looks very nice.
Are you a homosexual?
No, no, I'm just giving you a compliment.
Would have been more flattered if you were a homosexual.
Guys, how 'bout some music?
Oh, no, I wouldn't care for that.
Uncomfortable silence it is.
Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy
what it was like for you growing up in Texas?
Well, why don't you tell her?
Any follow up, Amy?
I myself grew up in Nebraska.
Small town outside of Omaha.
Nice place, mostly family farms, a few meth labs.
很好的地方 大多是家庭农场 还有些制毒窝点
I'm sorry, how is this better than uncomfortable silence?
I don't know. I was just trying something.
You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling
you fell on some of that as well.
Not funny, Leonard.
Really? A robot hand's got a death grip on your junk, dude.
That's funny, ask anyone.
Plea-- before my mother walks in, get this off me!
拜托 趁我妈还没进来 快把这玩意弄掉
No, no! Don't touch.
The program is paused.
Well, then let's un-pause it.
No, no! I loaded the wrong program.
The hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space.
If you continue the program, it's gonna start twisting.
When-when Winnie the Pooh got his head stuck
in the honey tree, his friends all grabbed onto him
and pulled and pulled.
You do what you want,
I'm not touching another man's honey tree.
All right, uh, forget pulling.
How about we get an electric saw and cut it off?
One circumcision was enough.
How about an acetylene torch?
Okay, I can't believe this needs to be said out loud.
No pulling, no saws, no torches.
Well, then what do you want us to do?
Howard, I made cookies for you
and your little friends!
That's great, Mom, thanks!
好极了 老妈 多谢
I'll bring them up with some Hawaiian Punch!
Why not?! Are you ashamed of your mother?!
Yes, but that's not the point!
You have any ideas, Raj?
Right now, all I can think about is cookies and Hawaiian Punch.
Hey, here's another possible topic of conversation.
This is a big night for Sheldon.
The winter solstice is a big night.
It's over 14 hours
in Southern California.
That's an amusing factoid.
My point is, uh, tonight is Sheldon's first official date.
Apparently, a semi-incestuous Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July Hoedown didn't count.
So, um, Amy, what about you?
It's a deal I made with my mother
in exchange for her silence on the matter,
as well as the occasional use of her George Foreman Grill
that seals in the flavor without the fat.
How about you, Penny?
Do you go on many dates?
Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many.
Your characterization of approximately 171 different men as "A few."
Where did you get 171 men?
In the three years that I've known you,
you were single for two.
During that time, I saw 17 different suitors.
If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias
and postulate an initial dating age of 15
Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
I did not start dating at 15.
I'm sorry. Sixteen?
Now, assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present,
that would bring the total up to 193 men.
Plus or minus eight men.
Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men?
Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate.
Based on the number of awkward encounters I've had
with strange men leaving her apartment in the morning,
plus the number of times she's returned home wearing the same clothes
she wore the night before...
Okay, Sheldon, I think you've made your point.
好了 谢尔顿 我们都明白你意思了
So we multiply 193--
minus 21 men before the loss of virginity--
so 172 times 0.18 gives us...
30.96 sexual partners.
Let's round that up to 31.
Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong.
好了 谢尔顿 这根本不对
That is not even close to the real number.
I'm gonna need a drink over here.
This is very interesting.
Cultural perceptions are subjective.
Penny, to your mind, are you a slut?
佩妮 在你看来 你是荡妇吗
Let's just all finish our dinners, okay?
This is an interesting topic.
How many sexual encounters have you had?
Does volunteering for a scientific experiment
in which orgasm was achieved by electronically
stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain count?
I should think so.
- Don't tug. - No tugging.
Next time, take your own advice.
Excuse me, could you help us out?
What do we have here?
I slipped and fell.
Yeah, we get that a lot.
It's a robot arm.
Where's the rest of the robot?
I only built the arm.
'Cause that's all you needed, right?
Can you please just help me?!
All right, all right.
I need an orderly with a wheelchair.
I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
You think you could be a little more discreet?
I'm sorry,we don't have a code for "Robot hand grasping a man's penis."
Why is it hooked up to a computer?
- Uh, it's what controls the arm. - But it's frozen.
Did you try turning it off and back on again?
No, you see, it's more complicated than that.
Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree.
Now can we have cookies and Hawaiian Punch?
This was a very productive evening.
I saw a whole new side of Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.
I did not have sex with 31 guys.
I'll be happy to check the math, but numbers don't lie, Penny.
In any event, now that Amy and I have spent quality time together,
I feel much more confident
proceeding to the next stage of our relationship.
Using in vitro fertilization and a surrogate uterus
to gift humanity with our progeny.
You're still on that?
In these uncertain times, doesn't humanity deserve a gift?
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna come at this in a whole new way.
Sheldon, if you try to make a baby with Amy in a petri dish,
I'm gonna tell your mother on you.
My mother's always wanted a grandchild.
Really? Your deeply religious born-again Christian mother
wants a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?
If I'd thought of that in the first place,
I could've saved myself this whole night.
Well, it's not that late.
You could still go out and look for number 32.
Hey, Howard, what's up?
I've decided not to procreate.
Howard, uh, slow down.
What do you mean it happened again?