Whatcha doin' there?
Working on a new plan to catch the roadrunner?
The humorous implication being that I am Wile E. Coyote?
And this is a schematic for a bird-trapping device
that will ultimately backfire and cause me physical injury?
What I'm doing here
is trying to determine when I'm going to die.
A lot of people are working on that research.
So what is all this?
My family history factoring in longevity
propensity for disease, et cetera.
Cause of death for Uncle Carl was KBB.
It was Thanksgiving.
Uncle Carl said, "I think there's a badger living in our chimney. "
"Hand me that flashlight."
Those were the last words he ever spoke to us.
I don't think you need
to worry about death by badgers being hereditary.
The fight or flight instinct is coded genetically.
Instead of fleeing, he chose to fight barehanded
against a brawny member of the weasel family.
Who's to say that I don't share that flawed DNA?
You can always get a badger and find out.
even if I disregard the Uncle Carl factor
at best I have 60 years left.
60 only takes me to here.
I need to get to here.
The earliest estimate of the singularity
when man will be able to transfer his consciousness
into machines and achieve immortality.
So, you're upset about missing out
on becoming some sort of freakish self-aware robot?
Tough break. You want eggs?
You don't get it, Leonard.
I'm going to miss so much.
the unified field theory, cold fusion, the dogapus.
统一场论 冷聚变 还有章狗
The hybrid dog and octopus.
Man's underwater best friend.
Is somebody working on that?
I planned on giving it to myself on my 300th birthday.
Wait a minute. You hate dogs.
A dogapus can play fetch with eight balls.
No one can hate that.
What do we owe you?
It came to $28.17.
Let's say six bucks apiece.
Never mind. I got it.
Oh, you wanted me to pay.
- It's no big deal. - No, no, no, no. You're right.
-不用了 -不不不 你是对的
We're not going out anymore; I should pay for myself.
He said, "If he had woman parts
"he'd eat for free the rest of his life"
Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to talk to yourself.
I'm a little low on cash.
- How much you got? - Nothing.
How can you walk around with no money?
I'm cute. I get by.
It's okay, you can owe me.
- Thank you. - Sheldon, six bucks.
-谢谢 -谢尔顿 六美元
No, thank you. I'm not eating pizza tonight.
不了 谢谢 我今晚不吃披萨
But it's Thursday.
Thursday's pizza night.
Thursday is now Cruciferous Vegetable Night.
Tonight's selection: Brussels sprouts.
You're changing the Sheldonian calendar?
- It's a small price to pay. - For what?
- No, no, don't ask. - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
-不 别问啊 -对不起
In order to live long enough to fuse my consciousness
with cybernetics, I need to change my diet.
Wait. Cybernetics is robot stuff, right?
So you want to turn yourself into some sort of robot?
Okay, here's my question.
Didn't you already do that?
Flattering, but sadly, no.
I'm also planning to begin an exercise regimen
designed to strengthen my cardiovascular system.
Wait. Honey, have you ever run before?
等等 亲爱的 你以前跑过步吗
I've run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens...
and one particularly persistent P.E. teacher
determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.
You're right. Penny jogs.
Maybe you guys can run together.
That's an excellent idea.
Yeah, if we chat
it will create the illusion of time going faster.
Um, how does he know I jog?
Oh, he watches you from his car with high-powered binoculars.
Oh, my God, that is so creepy!
And he says he's not gonna stop.
Then see a shrink and figure out how to talk to women.
I have pain radiating from my navel
to my lower right abdomen.
I'm nauseated and feverish.
I believe I may have cholera.
There's no cholera in Pasadena.
Just like last summer, when there was no malaria in Pasadena.
Well, if it's not cholera
then based on a quick Internet search
the other explanations in decreasing order of likelihood
are Hirschsprung's Disease, botulism, a 30-foot tapeworm
先天性巨结肠 肉毒杆菌中毒 一条30英尺长的绦虫
or accidental ingestion of chrysanthemum blossoms.
When would you have accidentally eaten chrysanthemum blossoms?
It's part of an unlikely scenario
that involves sleepwalking and a 24-hour flower mart
with a less-than- vigilant proprietor.
Oh, Lord, my belly!
噢 老天 我的肚子
Ever had your appendix out?
I've been meaning to, but who has the time?
Let's get you to the hospital.
So this is how it ends...
with cruel irony.
Just as I make the commitment to preserving my body
I am betrayed by my appendix, a vestigial organ.
Do you know the original purpose of the appendix, Leonard?
I do. And yet I'm doomed while you live on.
Funny how things work out, isn't it?
Oh, Lord, I think it's about to burst!
噢 天呐 我感觉要爆炸了
it might have been the Brussels sprouts.
What a nervous Nelly.
Penny! Penny! Penny!
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
They're my mother's.
Oh. And the Flash shirt is what?
Because, what, you're gonna run really fast?
No, the Flash shirt is because it's Friday
but it's nice when things work out.
- Where's your heart rate monitor? - I don't have one.
- What about your pedometer? - Don't have one.
Do you have telematics in your shoes connected to an iPod?
- Uh, no. - What do you do
You just go out there and gambol about like a bunny?
No. I just run till I'm hungry, then I stop for a bear claw.
不 也就跑到饿了 然后买个熊爪包吃
Why are you doing that?
It's good to stretch your muscles before you run.
Let's start with a toe touch.
We'll never know.
Okay, let's just warm up on the run.
- Okay. - Okay, let's go.
I've been reading up on biomechanics.
I think you'll be surprised at my...
Oh, my God, are you okay?
- Oh, let me help you up. - Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better
Thursday is no longer Cruciferous Vegetable Night.
Here's my chicken curry.
Howard, your shrimp biryani.
- Thank you, sir. - Palak paneer, that's Penny.
-谢谢您 -菠菜奶豆腐 是佩妮的
- Thanks. - And for Rajesh Koothrappali
from whose homeland these tasty dishes originate
one large order of chicken McNuggets.
- Hey, what's my share? - Uh... 12 bucks.
- Okay, can I get you after Friday when I get paid? - Sure.
What am I up to now?
Well, okay, with the Indian food, the pizza
呃 算上印度菜 比萨
the Thai food, the tank of gas
and your rent, uh...
a little over $1,400.
He's just expressing his admiration that
you don't even have to put out to get free stuff.
It's not free-- I'm gonna pay him back.
Sheldon, are you gonna join us?
Greetings, whatever the hell you are.
I am a mobile virtual presence device.
have demonstrated to me that my body is too fragile
to endure the vicissitudes of the world.
Until such time as I am able
to transfer my consciousness
I shall remain in a secure location
and interact with the world in this manner.
Really? That's your question--
when did he put a ramp in?
You're in my spot.
This may seem a little odd at first
but over time, you'll grow accustomed
to dealing with me in this configuration.
Yeah, to be honest, I don't see much difference.
是咩 说实话 我觉得没什么不同
That's what I was going for.
Now, Leonard, tomorrow, when we go to work
那个 莱纳德 明天我们去上班时
you'll need to allow some extra time
to get me down the stairs.
For your convenience, I disassemble into four pieces.
This is ridiculous.
I'm coming to talk to you.
You don't know where I am.
My physical body is safely ensconced
in a secure, undisclosed location.
You're in your bedroom.
I can hear your voice coming from your bedroom.
Authorized personnel only!
So, either one of you weirdos
want to buy my underwear? Only 1,400 bucks.
Sheldon, this is ridiculous.
Please look at me when you're talking to me.
I am looking at you.
Pay no attention to that man in the bed.
You cannot exist as a virtual presence.
Not here and certainly not at work.
At my age, do you know
how I'm statistically most likely to die?
At the hands of your roommate?
That's how I'm going to make it look.
Until I can transfer my intellect
to a more durable container
my body will remain safely ensconced in my bed.
Fine, but don't expect my help.
You have to help-- it's in the roommate agreement.
The various obligations and duties of the parties
in the event one of them becomes a robot.
This is delightful.
It's much easier to enjoy
the picturesque route we travel to work
when you remove the specter of fiery vehicular death.
Why didn't I just put you in the trunk?
Because I called shotgun. Remember?
Perhaps this will relax you.
I don't want to listen to music, Sheldon.
I don't understand why you're not enjoying this.
Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities
we're like Knight Rider.
Except in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
You mock the sphincter
but the sphincter is a class of muscle
without which human beings couldn't survive.
There are over 50 different sphincters
in the human body.
How many can you name?
I was wrong-- this is exactly like Knight Rider.
我错了 这就是一霹雳游侠 没说的
Perhaps you'd be interested in a different game.
This is a photograph of the 1911
Solvay Conference on the theory of radiation and quanta.
Using Photoshop, I've introduced a few anachronisms.
See if you can spot all 24.
I'll give you the first one.
Madame Curie should not be wearing a digital watch.
That's it. Bye-bye.
I have an override switch.
And I'm safe and sound in bed.
Who's crazy now?
I'm still going to go with you.
Hello, Professor Hoskins.
Nice to see you, Mindy.
And konnichiwa, Dr. Nakamura.
Sorry the Swedes disproved your theory.
Leonard, my door.
Be a lamb and open it for me.
Why? What's the problem?
You think you have me stymied, don't you?
No, I think a doorknob has you stymied.
Oh, look, it's Leonard and R2-D-Bag.
哦 看啊 莱纳德和R2-D-Bag[代指《星战》里的R2-D2机器人]
That's my joke. I told it last night.
You can't just use it.
Raj, be a lamb and open the door for me.
拉杰 乖 替哥开下门
The pleasures of fellowship and camaraderie
without having to tolerate your germy breath on my skin.
I say we just take him to Tatooine
and sell him to some Jawas.
That's two, dude.
Write your own jokes.
Hi, I'm Penny, I'll be your waitress.
嗨 我叫佩妮 今晚为你们服务
Why are you introducing yourself?
I'd rather people not know
I have any prior connection to you whatsoever.
Can you tell me the specials this evening?
Sheldon, I'm not waiting on you.
I don't even have water yet.
Because you're not here.
That's discrimination against the otherwise located.
I'm going to have to go over your head.
Oh, Lord, look who it is.
Is that Steve Wozniak?
The Great and Powerful Woz.
Penny, Steve Wozniak was
one of the cofounders of Apple Computer.
- He and Steve Jobs started it... - Yeah
I know who he is. I watch Dancing with the Stars.
I must speak to him.
Of course you must.
You know, there's an Olive Garden down the street.
You guys should try it sometime.
Excuse me, Mr. Wozniak?
Nice virtual presence device.
I just want to say I'm a big fan.
You're my 15th favorite technological visionary.
It's still six spots above Steve Jobs.
I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.
Yeah, I never got that turtleneck thing.
One of my proudest possessions is a vintage 1977 Apple Two.
Despite the file system limitations of Apple DOS 3.3
it was a pretty nifty little achievement.
Thanks, we were shooting for "nifty."
You know, if you had it here
I'd autograph it for you.
Don't move for 15 to 30 minutes
depending on how the buses are running.
I'm coming, Woz, I'm coming.
我来了 沃兹 我来了
Penny... Penny... Penny.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
What up, Shel-Bot?
I can't get out of bed.
What do you want me to do?
Sing me "Soft Kitty."
Really, you want me to sing "Soft Kitty"
to a computer monitor?
Would you rather come over and sing it to me in person?
Soft kitty, warm kitty
Little ball of fur...
Closer to the microphone.
Happy kitty, sleepy...
You have to start over.
Soft kitty, warm kitty
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty
Purr, purr, purr.
呜 呜 呜[猫叫声]