Leonard, are you in the shower?
I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!
I asked if you were in the shower,
but that's moot now!
Moot! Rendered unimportant by recent events!
I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!
I have to skip the chitchat.
What kind of emergency?
You get mathematical-- 32-ounce banana smoothie,
You might not want to do that.
Sheldon, I'm not alone in here.
What are you doing in there?
She can't be in here!
We were in here first; you can't be in here.
According to the roommate agreement,
paragraph nine, subsection B,
"The right to bathroom privacy
is suspended in the event of force majeure."
And believe me, I am experiencing
a very majeure force.
Come on, you can't wait two minutes?
Oh, Leonard, let the man pee.
Penny? Penny? Penny?
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
Move. Move. Move!
闪开 闪开 闪开
Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,
you are officially charged
with two violations of the roommate agreement.
Do you waive reading of the charges?
My client does not waive reading of the charges.
Cool. I've got a lawyer.
And I've seen her naked.
On or about the 28th day of April,
the accused did knowingly and with malice aforethought
deny access to the shared bathroom in a time of emergency,
to wit, my back teeth were floating.
Count the second: the accused exceeded
the agreed upon occupancy of the shower,
to wit, one, unless we are under attack
确切地说 一个人 除非我们被
by water-soluble aliens."
Can I see the roommate agreement?
Um, it's fairly technical.
I think I can handle it.
Top of her class, Cambridge University.
Licensed to practice law in three countries
All right, based on a cursory reading,
it doesn't look like you have much of a case, Sheldon.
Section seven here, on the right to enter the bathroom
in emergency situations, is not specific
as to what constitutes an emergency.
Oh, that's ridiculous!
A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory.
Is it? If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair,
could he barge in while you were showering?
Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trimis nose hair.
He thinks because he's short nobody can see up there.
My point is, Sheldon, the legal principle is,
我的重点是 谢尔顿 法律准则是
ambiguity in a contract benefits
the party that did not draft it,
in this case, Leonard.
- So much for count one. - But...
There's no buts, Sheldon; that's how the law works.
没有但是 谢尔顿 法律就是这样
As for the shower capacity issue,
I cite addendum J.
"When Sheldon showers second, any and all measures
shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water."
I believe this supercedes the occupancy issue.
No offense, but shower sex with you
is now the second best thing that's happened today.
Mmm, Greek food on pizza night?
This is the most delightfully cruel thing
we've done to Sheldon since we left that fake message
from Stephen Hawking on his voice mail.
I wish to discuss your theories of black holes.
Meet me at the Randy's Donut by the airport at 2:00 a.m.
What is that you're eating?
Tonight is pizza night.
I'd like to refer that to my attorney.
According to what I see here,
Thursday nights are Franconi's pizza night.
Yes, and when Franconi's went out of business,
we switched to Graziano's.
Can you just switch restaurants like that, Priya?
A good question, Howard.
Turns out you can't.
According to the document you drew up, Sheldon,
the selection of a new takeout restaurant requires
public hearings and a 60-day comment period.
Were those criteria met?
This is Greek food?
Leonard, you hate Greek food.
Not as much as you.
Fine. I'm nothing if not adaptable.
I got you the lamb kabob.
If you think about it,
Greek food isn't that far from Italian food.
They share a spice palette.
And what a civilization is the Greeks'!
They gave us science, democracy,
and little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat.
Penny? Penny? Penny?
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb.
Congratulations. Pizza night will now be at your apartment.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey,
I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette for dinner.
But you're welcome to tag along.
Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening
talking about rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps.
Okay, suit yourself.
We'll probably be trashing Priya a little.
Okay, I'd like to propose a toast to a wonderful girls' night out.
Fair warning-- we can get ca-razy.
Yeah. Last week we smoked cigars
and pretended to be dragons.
Tobacco and alcohol?
Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made
by people having a good time?
Why did you bring him? He's harshing my buzz.
I felt sorry for him.
Priya's giving him a hard time.
Ooh, the Priya bashing's starting early. Yay!
Okay, what's up with those pantsuits?
And that opens her up
to justifiable ridicule for wearing them.
Good one, Bernadette.
You smell like baby powder.
But as that's a primary ingredient of baby powder,
I understand your confusion.
Oh, I'm not confused at all.
You're like a sexy toddler.
I don't know how to process that.
Amy and Sheldon sitting in a tree.
That's too many S's for "kissing."
Not if they're doing it for a long time.
Sheldon... have you ever kissed a girl?
Other than my mother, my sister and my Mee-Maw, no.
But in the interest of full disclosure,
I was once on a bus
and had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to an elderly nun
who passed out from heat exhaustion.
Every year I get a Christmas card from her,
signed with far too many X's and O's.
That doesn't count.
Aren't you even a little curious?
Yeah, you're a scientist--
where is the curiosity?
I'm available for experimentation.
We know everything there is to know about kissing.
It requires 34 facial muscles
and 112 postural muscles.
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
扯 扯 扯
Give me some sugar, bestie.
I'm certainly glad no one said
they were curious about Aztec human sacrifice.
Hey, I know-- let's take Sheldon dancing.
Ooh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance.
I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.
No, thank you, but for the record,
谢谢 不必了 但需要声明一下
I'm an excellent dancer.
Proficient in the Rumba, Waltz and Cha-cha.
I don't see why that's surprising.
I excel at so many things.
You've had my sourdough bread.
Did you take dance lessons?
in the South, preadolescent children
are forced through a process called cotillion,
which indoctrinates them with all the social graces
and dance skills needed to function in 18th century Vienna.
Oh, we are so taking you dancing.
No, you most certainly are not.
Well, what does your cotillion training say is expected
of a gentleman when three ladies ask him
to escort them to a dance soiree?
I saved a nun's life,
Why am I being punished?
Take us someplace we can waltz.
Where you can what?
Waltz. It's a social dance from Austria
choreographed to a three-four time signature.
*I kissed a girl and I liked it
*I hope my boyfriend don't mind...
What happened to you?
Shake it baby, shake it!
摇摆起来 宝贝 摇摆起来
Muy caliente, Sheldon!
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm engaged.
How come if we're the smart people,
we don't do this every night?
What's 16 times 14?
My burps taste like cranberry juice.
And there's your answer.
Would you like to come in for a nightcap?
If you're referring to the beverage,
you know I don't drink.
If you're referring to the hat you don
while wearing a nightshirt and holding a candle, I have one.
I have Yoo-hoo.
It's hard to say no to Yoo-hoo.
The name literally beckons.
Make yourself comfortable.
Is someone smoking?
Oh, that's just Ricky.
You own a smoking monkey?
Don't be silly. He's one of the animals
in my department's nicotine addiction study.
What's he doing here?
I'm giving him emphysema.
The least I can do is let him hang out and watch Cable.
Aren't you worried about secondhand smoke?
A little. The real danger is him biting
my face off while I'm sleeping.
Is he deliberately blowing smoke at me?
Yeah. He's kind of an ass.
May I share something with you
that's troubling me?
What's rattling around that big bulbous head of yours?
Priya has essentially nullified
my roommate agreement with Leonard,
making life in the apartment very uncomfortable for me.
And you want me to kill her? Done.
No, of course not.
I trained Ricky how to smoke.
I can train him to shoot a poison dart.
No jury would convict us 'cause people love monkeys.
the alcohol has stirred up whatever it is
that makes girls go wild...
but I really need to talk to smart Amy now.
Have you considered that your intelligence
might be the very thing causing your dilemma?
What do you think Ricky over here would do
if an interloper encroached on his territory?
Well, when challenged, monkeys generally assert their dominance
面临挑战 猴子们会追赶 攻击
through chasing, assault and a stylized penile display.
That's a little outside my comfort zone.
You're being too literal.
My point is, he would not meekly surrender to the rules,
and neither should you.
Are you suggesting I play dirty?
Dirty... dirty... dirty.
使坏 使坏 使坏
Which brings me to our next order of business.
I hope you don't take what I'm about to do
as a comment on what we just did.
Who's to say you shouldn't be dissecting our brains?
You really are an ass.
Oh, good, you're up.
I've written a new and improved
roommate agreement that benefits me greatly.
I'd like you to sign it.
Why would I want to do that?
Do you remember what happened to the alien,
played by talented character actor Frank Gorshin,
in the Star Trek episode "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"?
Uh, Captain Kirk activated the self-destruct sequence
and threatened to blow up the Enterprise
and kill them both unless he gave in?
Computer, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Activate self-destruct sequence.
Self-destruct sequence activated.
What are you gonna do, Sheldon,
blow up the apartment?
That was my first thought, but all my cool stuff is here.
So what happens when it counts down?
Unless Leonard signs the new agreement
in the next 41 seconds,
this computer will send an e-mail to your parents in India
saying that you're in a secret relationship
with the whiter-than-Marshmallow-Fluff
What's the big deal?
Trust me, it's a big deal.
They're gonna find out about me eventually, right?
Yeah, of course, just not today.
对 当然 但不是今天
Are you ashamed of me?
Then why can't we tell your parents?
Please, don't push this.
He does that all the time, doesn't he? 15.
他一直都这样 不是吗 还剩15秒
Okay, fine, Sheldon, you win. Turn it off.
好吧 谢尔顿 你赢了 关了它
No, he's bluffing.
- I never bluff. Ten. - It's blackmail!
-我从来不虚张声势 还剩10秒 -你这是敲诈
- Nine. - We give up.
- Eight. - This is ridiculous.
It's a laptop with a full charge.
Honestly, what do you see in him?
Give him what he wants or we're done.
- Three. - Really?
- Two. - Okay, I'll sign it!
-最后两秒 -好 我签
Self-destruct sequence aborted.
You may have gone to Cambridge,
but I'm an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy.
Good morning, Amy.
It most assuredly is not.
Are you experiencing dehydration, headache,
nausea and shame?
I also found a Korean man's business card
tucked into my cleavage.
What happened last night?
Ah, memory impairment;
the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle.
Last night you gave me some excellent advice
regarding my problem here at home,
you kissed me and then vomited on and off for 40 minutes,
following which you passed out on your bathroom floor.
I then folded a towel under your head as a pillow,
set your oven clock to the correct time
because it was driving me crazy...
Don't really know where we go from here.
I suggest we treat our relationship
as if it were a crashed computer
and restore it to the last point we both agree it worked.
Terrific. Thank you.
They were out of menthols!
Get off my back!
Not easy living with a temperamental little primate.
Come on, Priya, just admit I embarrass you!
说啊 普丽娅 你就直说是我让你觉得羞愧吧
You're preaching to the choir, sister.