All right, I'm ready for my next question.
In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets,
who wins the Second World War?
Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses.
A Central African power block is formed,
colonizing North Africa and Europe.
When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino.
Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.
In a world where a piano is a weapon, not a musical instrument,
on what does Scott Joplin play "The Maple Leaf Rag"?
Isn't it obvious?
You're right. My apologies.
What the hell are you guys playing?
It's a game we invented.
It's called Counterfactuals.
We postulate an alternate world that differs from ours
in one key aspect and then pose questions to each other.
It's fun for ages eight to 80.
I like a good brainteaser.
You're in luck, this is an easy one.
In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver,
what food is no longer consumed?
Uh... a BLT where the "B" stands for beaver?
Leonard, be serious.
We're playing a game here.
I can figure this out. Let's see.
Um, well, beavers eat tree bark.
The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon.
So, I'll say cinnamon.
Obviously, the answer is cheese Danish.
In a world ruled by a giant beaver,
mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord.
The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded.
Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry.
How does one miss that?
This is ridiculous.
You're just making stuff up.
Is he always like this when he loses?
You should've been here for the great giant tantrum of 2008.
You bumped the table and you know it.
Perhaps it would be kinder to play a game more suited to his abilities.
We'll close our eyes and count to ten while you hide.
I'm going to my room.
Very good, Leonard.
But next time, don't tell us where you're hiding.
Did you guys see the paper in The American Physics Journal on supersolids?
It's pretty interesting.
This guy's working from a hypothesis where...
Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert.
- What? - Don't ruin it for me, man.
I printed out a PDF to read on the potty.
On the potty? What are you, five?
便壶 你多大了 五岁吗
It's a potty. What do you call it?
That's a little vulgar for the dinner table, don't you think?
Oh, and "potty" is okay?
"Potty" is innocent. "Potty" is adorable.
What do you do in the potty, wee-wee?
If I don't have to boom-boom.
You all remember Amy Farrah Fowler.
- Nice to see you. - Hello.
Sorry we're late.
I must take responsibility.
I had to stop for feminine hygiene supplies.
I believe she's experiencing her menses.
Actually, I'm not.
In order to avoid surprises, I wear them all the time.
"Toilet's" sounding pretty good now, huh?
Hey, look, it's Shamy.
A juvenile amalgamation of our names.
Sheldon, Amy-- Shamy.
谢尔顿 艾米 "谢米"
I don't like that. Don't do that.
All righty. What's new?
Well, just recently, I learned that you refer to us as Shamy,
and I don't like that.
I got it. But what I was going for was, you know, how's your life?
Like everybody else's.
Subject to entropy, decay and eventual death.
Thank you for asking.
Why is she not taking our order?
I should've warned you,
one has to navigate a labyrinth of social nonsense
before one can be fed here.
Really? I assumed an establishment called
the Cheesecake Factory would function more efficiently.
It's how they lure you in.
I believe it's called "bait and switch."
Okay, I'm just gonna walk away,
'cause... I don't want to be here.
First time we've all gotten together to eat.
You're right, he's a festival of humdrum chitchat.
Okay, that's all I got.
Howard, you're up.
Um... tell us about your work, Amy.
I doubt you'd understand.
Sheldon tells me you only have a master's degree.
Raj, do you have any questions for Amy?
I'm curious as to why we're not eating alone.
They can't function without me.
I'm the social glue that holds this little group together.
Listen, can I talk to you about your girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend.
She's a girl and she's my friend,
but there's no touching or unsanitary exchange of saliva.
Although, for the record, on one occasion,
she licked her thumb to remove raspberry jelly
from the corner of my mouth.
It's an action we both regret to this day.
Anyway, I'm not sure she's the best fit
for our little-- how should we call it-- rebel alliance.
我们这个 怎么说呢 反抗军[星球大战]
Oh, I never identified with the rebel alliance.
Despite their tendency to build Death Stars,
I've always been more of an empire man.
Yeah, not my point.
I know what your point is.
You're intimidated by Amy's intellect.
To that I say, buck up.
Okay, let me just get right to it.
Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious and frankly...
艾米很爱批评人 假正经 而且
So we already have you for all that.
Are you suggesting I terminate my relationship with Amy?
No, no, of course not.
Just have your relationship someplace else.
May I point out that for eight long months,
I suffered in silence as your female companion
filled our apartment with her off-key country music caterwauling,
the unappetizing spectacle of her grinding a pumice stone
against her calloused feet in our living room,
and night after night of uninformative
TV documentaries about the Jersey Shore.
Suffered in silence?
And I'd thank you to do the same.
Nothing makes beer taste better
than cool clear Rocky Mountain spring water.
Where are the Rocky Mountains, anyway?
I thought they were out West someplace.
Think about it, Raj.
Where did the movie Rocky take place?
So this is the plan?
we're just gonna hide out in here to avoid the Shamy?
I'm very comfortable here.
Penny, dear, why don't you shoot another silver bullet my way?
Ooh, somebody's been taking bitchy pills.
God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Oh, he's an ass when he doesn't.
You just don't hear it.
Think we need to start entertaining the possibility
that the Shamy could go on for years.
Well, if that's the case, Penny will have to get satellite TV
and maybe once a week run a vacuum through this place.
I thought you were going to talk to Sheldon.
- I did. - Well, what'd he say?
Well, he pointed out that he kinda sorta had to...
I didn't agree with him.
Well, you defended me, right?
...he made a fairly well-reasoned argument.
You're not doing that right.
- No. - Trust me.
- No! - I do this for my mom all the time.
Wow, that is better.
And someday, when you have varicose veins,
I'll show you how to massage them.
Oh, God, never again.
I assume by "never again," you mean never again will you drink
all of Penny's beer, then run down to the gas station
for a couple of 40s, a box of Slim Jims
and the latest issue of Bombay Badonkadonks.
The highlight of the evening was when you showed us
your Bollywood break dancing skills.
That's very offensive.
Yeah, we all thought so.
It's John and Yoko.
More like Yoko and Yoko.
I brought Amy here
to show her some of the work I'm doing.
It's very impressive, for theoretical work.
Do I detect a hint of condescension?
I'm sorry, was I being too subtle?
I meant compared to the real-world applications
of neurobiology, theoretical physics is--
what's the word I'm looking for?-- hmm, cute.
Are you suggesting the work of a neurobiologist
like Babinski could ever rise to the significance
of a physicist like Clark Maxwell or Dirac?
I'm stating it outright.
Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast
and defecates Clarke-Maxwell.
You take that back.
My colleagues and I are mapping
the neurological substrates that subserve
global information processing,
which is required for all cognitive reasoning,
including scientific inquiry, making my research ipso facto
prior in the ordo cognoscendi.
That means it's better than his research,
and by extension, of course, yours.
I'm sorry, I'm-I'm still trying
to work on the defecating Clark Maxwell, so...
Excuse me, but a grand unified theory,
insofar as it explains everything,
will ipso facto explain neurobiology.
Yes, but if I'm successful,
I will be able to map and reproduce your thought processes
in deriving a grand unified theory,
and therefore, subsume your conclusions under my paradigm.
That's the rankest psychologism,
and was conclusively revealed as hogwash
by Gottlob Frege in the 1890s!
We appear to have reached an impasse.
I move our relationship terminate immediately.
There being no objections...
...the motion carries.
Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler.
Good day, Sheldon Cooper.
Can't live with them,
can't successfully refute their hypotheses.
I hear you broke up with Amy.
A breakup would imply she was my girlfriend.
She was a girl who was my friend
who is now a girl who is not my friend.
Wow. That's like the worst country song ever.
So, how are you doing?
Well, breakups-- or whatever the hell this is-- can be tough.
Penny, I assure you, I'm fine.
佩妮 放心 我没事
My relationship with Amy was purely intellectual,
There were no emotional bonds,
the severing of which would cause me any discomfort.
The relationship simply outlived its utility,
and I'm continuing on with my life as before.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy a pussycat.
I gotta tell you guys,
I'm a little worried about Sheldon.
We're all a little worried about Sheldon.
No, I mean since the Shamy hit a reef.
Oh, I thought you were just making a generalization:
"You know, I'm worried about Sheldon
"someday setting off a low-yield nuclear device
because the cafeteria ran out of lime Jell-O."
What does "hit a reef" mean?
Uh, went splitsville.
Turned to boom-boom.
I think Sheldon really misses Amy.
You should lend him your copy of Bombay Badonkadonks.
He got a cat to keep him company.
He takes it everywhere:
to bed, to the bathroom.
He takes the kitty to the potty?
I thought we discussed the P-word.
Don't try to change me, dude.
Hey. Aren't you going to introduce us
to your little friend?
Raj, Howard, I'd like you to meet Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.
拉杰 霍华德 这位是罗伯特·奥本海默博士
Now, if you'll excuse me,
the father of the atomic bomb wants a saucer of milk.
Okay, I get it. We're worried about Sheldon.
Robert Oppenheimer was lonely.
So you decided to get the whole Manhattan Project?
Yes. This is Enrico Fermi, Richard Feynman,
对 这位是恩里科·费米 理查德·费曼
I was going to name him Hermann von Helmholtz,
but he's so zazzy.
Okay, we need to talk.
You're clearly upset about Amy being gone,
and you're trying to replace her with a bunch of cats.
- Clowder. - What?
A group of cats is a clowder. Or a glaring.
不用一堆 而要用一群 或者是一窝子
It's the kind of thing you ought to know
now that we have one.
Terrific. My point is, you need to face up
to what you're feeling with this breakup.
It wasn't a breakup.
A breakup would imply that Amy was my girlfriend.
Okay, I got it, I got it; she's not your girlfriend.
好吧 我知道了 她不是你女朋友
I know about loneliness.
I know about trying to replace someone with other stuff.
When I broke up with Penny, I got back into my cello,
I built a bunch of model rockets,
I got those weightlifting gloves and that five-pound dumbbell.
You didn't break up, she dumped you.
She didn't dump me.
I was there. She dumped you.
Be like my Aunt Nancy.
She had dozens of them.
And do you know what happened after she died? They ate her.
You don't have to sell me on cats, Leonard.
I'm already a fan.
All right, fellas, who's in the mood for Fancy Feast?
Well, that's not fancy at all.
Hi, Mrs. Cooper. Thanks for coming.
你好 库珀夫人 谢谢你赶来
He's in his bedroom.
Now, when you said on the phone
he broke up with a girl, you meant an actual girl,
not something you kids whipped up in a lab?
Did they sin?
No, no, it's not like that.
I don't know what it's like.
But there is something I should prepare you for.
Oh, relax, Leonard, I have raised that boy.
I've seen him at his best, I've seen him at his worst.
There's nothing he can do that'll surprise me.
Hold on to that thought.
Mom, what an unexpected pleasure.
My, my, that's a powerful smell.
I'd like you to meet Oppenheimer, Frisch, Panofsky,
向你引见奥本海默 弗里希 潘诺夫斯基
You got a lot of cats
and you gave 'em cute Jewish names.
What are you doing here?
And he said that you were pining for a young lady.
Oh, that's preposterous.
I'm not pining over anyone.
Oh, lambchop, we can quibble what to call it,
but I think we can both agree it's creepy.
Cats make wonderful companions.
They don't argue or question my intellectual authority,
and this little guy here,
I think you'll find to be quite zazzy.
You should have called sooner.
Shelly! Dinner's ready!
What is she doing here?
you might be losing your mind over me.
As a neurobiologist, I was curious.
Well, rest assured, I am in full possession of my faculties.
Oh, God bless you, dear.
Sheldon, sit down. Let's talk.
谢尔顿 坐下 我们谈谈
All right, but you're not fooling me.
Whenever you say we have to talk,
it means you want me to listen.
Now, the reason I called Amy over was
to find out what type of person she is.
And after chatting a bit,
I have to say that while she is a
perfectly unique young woman,
you two are definitely not suited for each other.
That's a peculiar conclusion.
By any standard, Amy is more similar to me
than anyone I've ever met.
Oh, I'm sorry, Shelly, I can't see it.
Well, whether you see it or not is irrelevant.
I can't see subatomic particles,
but nevertheless, they're there.
Well, putting aside the pig Latin,
it's a good thing that
you two decided to end the relationship
so I didn't have to end it for you.
Amy, after consideration,
I believe we may have acted rashly.
I propose we resume our relationship
and attempt to resolve our differences.
I'll agree to that only if you'll stipulate
that 80% of our difficulties were caused by you.
- I'll go as high as 40. - Sixty-five.
You understand that moving forward,
we deal with the fact that my mother does not approve of you?
I do. I find being cast
in the role of bad girl oddly titillating.
Would you like to see my cats?
I would. I love cats.
They're the epitome of indifference.
Ah, then you may find Zazzles a little cloying.
I saw what you did there.
He thinks he's such a smarty pants.
He's no different from any man.
You tell 'em not to do something,
certainly that's all they want to do.
If I hadn't told my brother Stumpy
not to clear out the wood chipper by hand,
we'd still be calling him Edward.
Now, don't you move.
I'll bring over all the food.
No, no, no, I can do it.
Well, isn't that sweet?
And here's your $20.
And here's your $20.