I'm telling you, if xenon emits ultraviolet light,
then those dark matter discoveries must be wrong.
Yes, well, if we lived in a world
where slow-moving xenon produced light,
then you'd be correct.
Also, pigs would fly,
my derriere would produce cotton candy,
and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.
Oh, you're so arrogant.
If you were a superhero,
your name would be Captain Arrogant.
And you know what your superpower would be?
If my superpower were arrogance,
my name would be Dr. Arroganto.
I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided
to go partners in a Jamba Juice.
（Jamba Juice: 美国著名连锁冰沙奶昔店）
Has it occurred to you you're missing the big picture?
- If you look at neutron scattering data... - Oh, Penny?
- Penny? - What's up?
Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
He won. Suck it up.
Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert,
but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays.
And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me.
Howard won't order anything,
but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment
involving the words pie or cheesecake.
And Leonard's lactose intolerant,
so he can't eat anything here
without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
I could have the fruit platter.
You want the fruit platter?
- Does it have melon on it? - Yeah.
No, I can't eat melon.
Oh, Howard, heads up.
Your ex-girlfriend just came in for her shift.
When was the last time you saw her?
Oh, not since we broke up.
Wow. How am I going to play this?
Sophisticated and relaxed?
Cold and distant?
I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
It's one of his best moves.
So, my dear, we meet again.
I've missed you, Katee Sackhoff.
- One question. - Anything.
Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed?
Why are you in bed with me?
If we start to question this, it all falls apart.
Oh, ravish me, Howard.
噢 强力地占有我吧 霍华德
My loins ache for you.
Okay, if you insist.
Howard, have you seen my girdle?!
I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting!
Maybe it committed suicide!
Now, where were we?
I believe you were about
to rip off my uniform with your teeth.
What are you doing here?
Well, if I had to guess, I'd say I'm here
because you saw me earlier this evening,
and you're still hung up on me.
Otherwise, based on past experience,
we'd be done by now.
Okay, I'm a little confused here.
Oh, my. Can I help?
Not that kind of confused.
What's George Takei doing here?
Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?
George, let me ask you something.
How did you deal with being typecast as a science fiction icon?
You try and stretch as an actor--
do Strindberg, O'Neill,
but all they want is, "Course laid in, Captain."
It's frackin' frustrating.
Wait. Katee, why are you leaving?
等等 凯蒂 你怎么走了
She's leaving because you really want to be with me.
Howard, I found my girdle!
It was in the dryer!
I think it shrunk!
I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!
And with that mental picture,
I think we're done for the evening.
You never told me what happened between you and Bernadette.
I did a stupid thing.
Yeah, I guessed that.
It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
That covers anything from farting in bed
to killing a homeless guy.
You ran over a hobo.
All right, fine. So you want to get back together with her,
but you're too ashamed to face her
because of whatever it is you did.
- In a nutshell. - Okay.
Well, how about this?
Kidnap Bernadette from the opera
wearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.
Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not.
You're being unreasonable.
Why can't I have a desk?!
Our collaboration is a work of the mind.
We don't need desks.
- Correct. - But I can't have one.
You're two for two.
Why can't he have a desk, Sheldon?
Oh, Lord, will this day never end?
As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali,
whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him
when it's convenient.
There's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture.
Oh, but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines,
a marshmallow shooting rifle,
and a super executive ant farm with glow-in-the-dark sand?
Okay, what if he buys his own desk?
Yeah, what if I buy my own desk?
- That's ridiculous. - Why?
- Sheldon. - All right, all right.
-谢尔顿 -好了 好了
He can buy his own desk.
And I can put it in your office?
Well, you really want to dot the I's and cross the T's, don't you?
Why would you want a glow-in-the-dark ant farm?
They do some of their best work at night.
Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Not since I found out
the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.
I just have a question.
Does Bernadette ever talk about me?
- She does? - Yeah, sure.
Just yesterday, she asked,
"Why is Howard hiding under the table?"
She saw that, huh?
Oh, no, not at first.
没 没 一开始没有
Right after I pointed it out.
Let me ask you something else.
Is she seeing anybody?
Oh, not that I know of.
Hey, while we're on the subject,
why did you guys break up anyway?
Oh, I'd rather not say.
Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened.
霍华德 你如果想得到我的帮助 就得让我知道
But it's embarrassing...
Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Spill.
是啊 我就期待着这个呢 进来吧
Okay. Well, you know World of Warcraft?
Um, the online game? Sure.
Well, did you know
that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?
Oh, God. I think I see where this is going.
Her name was Glissinda the Troll.
Bernadette walked in on me
while we were doing the cyber-nasty under the Bridge of Souls.
Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing.
Would you talk to her?
Bernadette or the troll?
Bernadette. She was so mad at me,
she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story.
Well, what was your side?
Well, for all we know, Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman.
I mean, she could've been a 50-year-old truck driver in New Jersey.
Really? And that didn't make her feel better?
Will you talk to her, see if there's any chance at all
we could get back together?
Oh, gee, Howard, I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
天 霍华德 我真不想趟你俩这趟浑水
No. Why would you?
I'm just another lonely nerd, living with his mother,
trying to find any scrap of happiness he can.
You know, maybe to make up for
the fact that his dad left him when he was 11.
Okay, I will think about it.
You know, I've always blamed myself
I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted.
Yeah, I said I'd think about it.
I wasn't athletic, yeah, I was kind of sickly...
Okay, fine. Look, look, I'm calling her now! See?!
行了 好了 我在给她打电话了 看见没
So anyway, Howard asked Penny to talk to Bernadette,
and Bernadette agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee.
- One question. - Yeah?
Why on earth are you telling me all this?
Sometimes your movements are so lifelike,
I forget you're not a real boy.
You said I could buy a desk.
This isn't a desk.
This is a... Brobdingnagian monstrosity.
Is that the American idiom for "Giant, big-ass desk"?
It's actually British.
Can you say it again for me?
Now three times fast?
How did you even get it in here?
That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know
秘诀只有我 拉蒙和胡里奥 耶稣还有罗德里格知道
and you to find out.
All right, you've made your point.
A fine prank, very amusing.
I have three brothers and two sisters, Sheldon--
I can do this all day.
All right, if you're not going to remove it,
I'll remove it for you.
Help me move my desk.
No. It's too Brobdingnagian.
Why do you even want this here?
Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose.
Well, seeing as its purpose was to piss you off,
I'd say it's spot-on.
All right, I see what's going on.
This is the opening salvo in what will be
an escalating series of juvenile tit-for-tat exchanges.
Stand by for my upcoming tat.
See what I did there? I turned it around.
Sorry, I had to clock out.
Oh, no, that's okay.
How have you been?
Okay. You know, busy, school, work. You?
还好了 就是忙着读书上班什么的 你呢
Same. I took a scuba-diving course over the summer,
but it turns out I'm terrified of the ocean.
You wouldn't know anybody
who wants to buy a wet suit, boy's large?
Yeah, forget it. Not important.
So, are you seeing anyone?
- Well, to be honest, I... - Hey, how are we doing over here?
-说实话 我 -嗨 在忙什么呢
Can I get you something to drink?
- Not for me, thanks. - I'm okay.
-我不用 谢谢 -我也不用
Are you gonna want to order food?
- Maybe later. - Okay.
So, are you seeing anybody?
That's what I told him when he asked me.
I hope that's not out of line.
- No, it's fine. - Penny, can we have a little privacy?
-不 没事 -佩妮 能让我们独处一会儿吗
What about you, have you been seeing anybody?
Well, you know how it is with guys.
I mean, we have needs and...
So you've been seeing other girls?
Well, not real girls.
Does that mean slutty trolls?
You know, you look thirsty.
- I brought you some iced tea. - Thank you.
It's passion fruit, new on the menu.
- I know. I work here. - Oh, sorry.
-我知道 我在这上班呢 -抱歉
Yeah, you're right. Doy.
So, Howard, trolls yay or nay?
Isn't there somewhere else you can be?
Not where I can hear you guys.
I'll admit, there are dark, sordid little corners of the Internet
where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones.
The only reason I go there,
the only reason I've ever gone there
is because I don't have a real woman in my life.
- You happy? - Yeah, that'll hold me for a while.
-这下你爽了 -对 能放过你们一小会了
Howard, you did have a real woman.
I was right there in the next room
while you were clicking that troll's brains out.
Yeah, but we weren't...
I-I mean, you and I never...
Well, whose fault was that?
What do you mean, whose fault was that?
Well, we could've been having sex,
but you never made the move.
I didn't think you wanted me to make the move.
Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you,
with your looks, your fancy patter and your tight hoochie pants
就你那长相 说话那德性 还有那小紧身裤
if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move.
Hey, this is a little awkward,
but my manager says I can't actually give nachos away.
So... just take that when you're ready.
Yeah, we had a really great talk,
and we're gonna start seeing each other again.
Have you broken it to the troll yet?
Did Penny tell you about that?
No. Steve Patterson told me.
The greasy old fat guy in Facilities Management?
- Yeah. - How'd he know about it?
He's Glissinda the troll.
Sorry, dude, the thermostat's on my side of the room,
so it stays Mumbai hot in here
until you turn off that stupid Indian music!
I'll turn off the music
when you get rid of that salmonella-ridden parakeet!
Oh, too bad! Sheldon's pathologically afraid of birds!
Hey, look, Sheldon! Birdie, birdie, birdie!
来看啊 谢尔顿 小鸟小鸟小鸟
That's it! Prepare for marshmallow death!
我受够了 看我的棉花糖子弹 受死吧
That's great news about you and Bernadette.
Yeah. I think I'm gonna take her to miniature golf.
Ah. I guess for you guys that's like regular golf.
Short jokes? Really?
You're, like, a quarter of an inch taller than me.
Yeah, and don't you forget it.
I had a good time.
Kiss her good night.
All right, now a little tongue.
We've only just rekindled the romance.
Let's not sully the moment with the exchange of saliva.
Don't listen to him.
Now make the move.
Trust me, she's ready.
A lady wants to be wooed,courted slowly.
How would you know?
Listen to me, Howard, it's time.
Make the move, now.
You said... well, the "Move," Remember?
We're starting a new relationship.
I need to get to know you again.
The lusty charmer with the fancy patter
and the hoochie pants.
Be patient; we'll get there.
Oh, God, what's that smell?
What are you doing in there?
I'm making hydrogen sulfide and ammonia gas.
Just a little experiment in pest control.
It's not gonna work, dude; I grew up in India--
对付我没用的 兄弟 我可是在印度长大的
an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street,
and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.
Well, we'll just see how your noxious gas
fares against my cinnamon-apple-scented aroma therapy candles.
Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas?
- Yes. - Isn't that flammable?