All I'm saying is, if they took all the money they spent
trying to make a decent Hulk movie,
they could probably just make an actual Hulk.
That is apt and amusing.
I think I shall share that with Amy Farrah Fowler.
She'll appreciate the witticism.
It'll also help improve her initial impression of you.
So what's going on with you two?
Well, the status is as it always was.
She's a girl. She's a friend.
please forgive me for doing this--
So you're still just texting and emailing?
You don't feel any need to hang out with her, you know--
be in the same room?
Leonard, you are my best friend.
I've known you for seven years,
and I can barely tolerate sitting on the couch with you.
Imagine my attitude regarding
prolonged physical proximity to Amy Farrah Fowler.
I sense judgment on your part.
Maybe a little.
May I suggest that your criticism is based on jealousy.
Jealousy? What do I have to be jealous of?
I have a functioning and satisfying relationship with a female.
Jealousy is an ugly green-eyed monster--
not unlike the Hulk--
who, by the way, also has a girlfriend.
In this iteration, Jennifer Connelly,
whom you may recall as the girlfriend of Russell Crowe
in A Beautiful Mind,
a feel-good romp if there ever was one.
Leonard not jealous.
You know, it just occurred to me,
if there are an infinite number of parallel universes,
in one of them, there's probably a Sheldon
who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.
Probably. What's your point?
It's just one of the things
that makes one of the mes chuckle.
What makes you chuckle, Leonard?
Is it because of the conflict that arises
from your desperate need to pair-bond with a woman,
and the apparent collective decision of all womankind
to deny you that opportunity?
You know, when my grandfather died,
and Meemaw was alone, my mom arranged for her
to visit a center three times a week
where she could socialize with other lonely people.
They discuss current events, play bridge, get a hot meal.
他们讨论时事 玩桥牌 吃热乎乎的饭
That sounds lovely.
It is if you like bridge.
Do you like bridge, Leonard?
Sheldon, I'm just not dating someone right now.
I don't need to go to a senior center.
Meemaw resisted at first, but now she loves it.
Fine. If I don't meet someone soon,
you can put me in a home.
It's a senior center.
We'd never put Meemaw in a home!
All right, I'll bow to social pressure: Hey!
Excuse me. That's my girlfriend, Bernadette.
I assigned her her own ringtone--
"Bernadette," By The Four Tops.
When I call him, his phone plays "Brown Eyed Girl."
Which, now that I think about it, is not so good.
You realize he's just rubbing our noses in the fact
that he has a girlfriend, and we don't.
You mean, you don't.
You have a girlfriend?
How could you have a girlfriend?
You can't even speak to women.
Two words-- deaf chick.
It doesn't matter if I can't talk,
because she can't hear me.
That's what she said.
Great. You have a girlfriend, Howard's got a girlfriend,
很好 你有女朋友 霍华德有女朋友
- Sheldon's got a girl... - No, no, no, no!
What about you, Stuart?
You have a girlfriend yet?
I met her at Comic-Con,
the one place in the world where saying
"I own a comic bookstore"
is an actual pickup line.
Oh. Well, good for you.
Not really. She's horrible.
When she wants to have sex,
she puts on her plus-size Wonder Woman costume and shouts,
"Who wants to take a ride in my invisible plane?"
Why don't you just break up with her?
'Cause then I'd be alone, like you.
因为分手后 我形影单只 像你一样
Dude, why don't you just invoke
your girlfriend pact with Wolowitz?
Because I don't need his girlfriend
to set me up with one of her girlfriends.
I'm perfectly capable of finding a girl on my own.
Oh, Leonard, you remind me
of the funny old story about a man
who walks into a women's correctional institution
with a stack of paperwork
that will allow the female convicts to go free.
You're saying I couldn't get laid
in a women's prison with a handful of pardons.
Are you going to let me tell the story or not?
Are you still depressed
because you're alone, and no one loves you?
I don't know. Maybe.
I want you to know that I'm genuinely concerned
about your well-being.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot.
May I offer an observation?
What the hell? How long has she been here?
Since we got home from the comic bookstore.
That was two hours ago.
As per your suggestion,
we're hanging out.
Quite frankly, I don't see
what all the hoopla's about.
From a neurobiological standpoint, Leonard,
because your psychological state is causing
an actual pheromone-based stink of desperation.
Did you know that, Leonard?
- No. - I did.
I understand that some people find mates
in social gathering places such as bars or taverns.
Have you tried a bar or tavern?
No, I'm not gonna try to pick up a woman in a bar.
Wise decision. You see, Amy,
明智的决定 听我分析 艾米
success at a bar is based on classic male attributes
such as height, strength, attractiveness,
典型的男性特质的 像是身高 力量
the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts --
separately or together.
Leonard has none of these attributes,
That's not true of all bars.
Juice bars, for example.
Oh! Good point, Amy.
Yeah, building on your premise,
Leonard could frequent sushi bars,
salad bars, oyster bars,
the Apple Genius Bar...what are you doing?
Keep going. I'm listening.
He does it all the time.
He's a cornucopia of social awkwardness.
What a mellifluous word.
Let's make that our word of the day.
Agreed. And we'll use mellifluous tomorrow.
Well, I have to void my bladder.
It was nice spending this time with you.
I'd like you to meet my mother.
Can I get back to you on that?
Certainly. Good night.
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother.
What does that mean?
Well, you know how you're always saying
that Amy is a girl who's your friend,
and not your girlfriend?
- Uh-huh. - You can't say that anymore.
Look, she obviously wants
to take your relationship to the next level.
I don't want the next level.
I like this level.
Well, how am I supposed to fix it?
Simple! You want a girlfriend,
Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend.
Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.
You're right. It would never work.
Amy finds you tedious.
Wait! What am I supposed to do?
Well, have you considered telling her how you feel?
Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.
莱纳德 我是物理学家 不是嬉皮士
All right, well, let me see
if I can explain your situation using physics.
What would you be
if you were attached to another object
by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?
Howard, get the door!
Why can't you get it?
You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy!
I'm like an upside-down volcano here.
I hope you didn't hear that.
The volcano thing? No.
What's with the T-shirt?
You working at the Apple store now?
No, it's just something I threw on.
I know all your shirts.
That's not one of them...
You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar
to pick up women, weren't you?
Turns out, they guard the iPods,
but they don't guard the shirts.
It was going well.
I was showing this super hot girl
how to boot up in Safe Mode.
The manager got suspicious, and, well, long story short,
they really do have a little jail in the mall.
Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake mustache.
I mean, they may not really be geniuses,
but they see right through that.
I want to invoke the girlfriend pact, Howard.
You that desperate?
No, I just... I want what you have.
You know, I want a woman in my life.
how much liquid can be in one tokus?
To be clear, I meant like Bernadette, not your mother.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend.
As if one of the plants
from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way,
only with an absurd amount of hair gel.
What are you working on?
I'm removing my digital footprint from the Internet
so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me
and compel me to meet her mother. Ah.
You're going off the grid.
The old Unabomber approach. Kudos.
（16岁进哈佛 25岁成伯克利教授 后隐居邮寄炸弹）
I've also sent Amy a relationship termination notice
and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address.
What if she just comes over?
We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles.
我们已经不住Los Robles 2311号了
We now live at 311 Los Robles.
我们的现住址是Los Robles 311号
You changed the address on the building?
Oh, no worries-- I explained my predicament
to our letter carrier.
He was sympathetic.
His exact words were:
"Got your back, Jack.
Bitches be crazy."
Amy Farrah Fowler.
Darn! She found me!
She's been here before.
The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan.
Now, get my back, Jack.
- What do you want to do? - Tell her I'm not here.
- Okay, where are you? - I don't know.
You'll have to devise a scenario
that plausibly explains my absence,
keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details.
Sheldon's not here.
Way to go on the details.
Thanks again for doing this, Bernadette.
Oh, I take pacts very seriously.
One time at my lab,
a petri dish of genetically modified super-virus went missing.
That day we made a pinky swear never to admit
we crossed Ebola with the common cold.
would you cross Ebola with the common cold?
That would be a terrible, terrible thing.
Hi. Sorry I'm late-- I was at the gym.
大家好 抱歉迟到了 我从健身房来
Spin class-- worked up quite a sweat.
Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy.
乔伊 这是莱纳德 莱纳德 这是乔伊
You don't look like a genius.
Go ahead, say something smart.
Uh... Aah! Time's up.
First thing you need to know about me:
So, Bernadette tells me
she knows you from self-defense classes?
Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga.
Basically, a hundred different ways
to rip a guy's nuts off.
Wow. Wouldn't think there'd be that many.
Proxima Centauri's the nearest star.
The celestial bodies that follow are
Alpha Centauri A, Toli,
Sirius A, Sirius B,
Oh, darn, that's wrong!
Those are the stars that are nearest to me.
Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee.
They really do be crazy.
This lobster's good on the way down
Should be-- it's $30 a pound.
Hey, this is a date, right?
Excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room...
and take a wicked whiz.
Fair warning-- I had the asparagus.
My pea is gonna stink up the place.
I think she likes you.
Excuse me, madam.
I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred
when I asked you to meet my mother.
I've learned what that request actually means,
and I don't want to be joined to another object
by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
In what way are you screwed?
All I want to do is present you as my boyfriend to my mother
so she'll be satisfied that I'm in a relationship.
So we'd be perpetrating a ruse?
And you haven't fallen hopelessly in love with me?
I find the notion of romantic love
to be an unnecessary cultural construct
that adds no value to human relationships.
Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing
anyone has ever said to me.
I trust this clarification allows us to return
to boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend status.
Would you like to join me for Chinese food?
Sheldon, please, you're suffocating me.
拜托 谢尔顿 别逼我
- Good night, Amy. - Good night, Sheldon.
-晚安 艾米 -晚安 谢尔顿
Come on, just give her a chance.
Maybe she'll grow on you.
or maybe she'll finally succeed in ripping my nuts off.
There are still 93 ways she hasn't tried yet.
Look, H-Howard, I appreciate the effort,
听着 霍华德 谢谢你的好意
but this is, like, the worst date of my life.
I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on J-Date,
and that didn't even crack my top ten.
I guess the difference is, I have some self-respect.
Not that I've ever seen.
It's relatively new.
I'm not gonna spend time with someone I don't like
simply to have a girlfriend.
I'm okay on my own.
Good news-- I made lots of room for dessert.
Look, uh, Joy, it was nice to meet you, but...
听着 乔伊 很高兴认识你 但...
Yeah, you, too. Hey, you got anything for next weekend?
I need a date for my cousin's wedding.
You're asking me out?
And it's an open bar,
so I'll probably be giving it away.
I look forward to it.
It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon.
I honestly didn't believe Amy
when she told me she had a boyfriend.
I assure you I'm quite real.
and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
We're like wild animals in heat.
It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.
Amy... what is he saying?
You wanted me to have a boyfriend, Mother.
Well, here he is.
Have to sign off now.
My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
Oh, yes, it's time for me to make love
to your daughter's vagina.
Thank you, Sheldon, that went very well.
多谢 谢尔顿 效果不错
Amy, I find myself wondering
if we should actually engage in coitus
at least one time in our relationship.
Bedtime. Please show yourself out.