Oh, uh, Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype,
and we are gonna have a dinner date.
It's 8 o'clock in the morning in Mumbai.
How can she have dinner?
Priya will be having breakfast.
All right, so technically it's not a dinner date.
I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date.
But if you did, you'd open yourself
to peer-based mocking, such as,
"Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night?"
That doesn't sound like mocking.
You didn't let me finish.
Are those soy-based candles?
I don't know. Why?
Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens.
Unless lung cancer is the ambiance
you were going for at your dinfast.
Listen, I don't want to be rude,
but Priya's gonna be calling any minute, so...
Leonard, you know I make a point of
never interfering in your personal affairs.
Yes, I've always admired that about you.
But I'm going to make an exception here.
Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career.
Instead of desperately trying
to keep this intercontinental relationship alive,
you could use that time to take up a hobby.
I read recently about a fellow in Kansas
with an enormous ball of twine.
I bet you could give him a run for his money.
You know, some people might say that it's great
that we're trying to make things work long distance.
They'd say things like,
"Love is stronger than the miles between you".
When I rise to power, those people will be sterilized.
You video-chat with Amy all the time.
How is this different?
Don't you like Amy?
Of course I like Amy.
Well, there's the difference.
Excuse me, that's Priya.
Oh, I miss you, too.
I miss the old days when your romantic partners
could be returned to the video store.
Thanks for letting me stay here
while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend.
It's actually kind of nice.
You reading, me reading.
We're like an old married couple.
If we were an old married couple,
the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
A good wife would go to the store.
Good. On the way to see the lawyer,
pick up some tea and cookies.
I must say, I am enjoying your new chair.
It's great, isn't it?
Aligns the lumbar,
cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks.
This is a chair worthy of the name.
Oh, all right, well, I'm glad you like it.
I mean, I still can't get over the fact
someone just threw it away.
Yeah, it was just sitting on the street.
I paid a homeless guy ten bucks to help me get it up here.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
I've been sitting in garbage!
Sheldon, take it easy.
You take it easy! I need to use your shower.
I went into this marriage with so much hope.
There's a wet Band-Aid on the shower floor!
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翻译：MADD 小蛮腰 海因里希 米小勒 Joanna
I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before.
This little baby set the university back 175 grand.
That's three minutes.
- Shall we see what we got? -Hang on
This is one good-looking panini.
Hand me the tuna melt.
- Yep. - Thank you.
How's it going with the long-distance love affair?
Not easy, but we're making it work.
When you say "Making it work," does that include doing the cyber nasty?
You know, the virtual pickle tickle.
The digital... bow-chicka-bow-bow.
Come on, dude. This is my sister you're talking about.
拜托 伙计 你在说我妹啊
Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her
through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with
than him actually touching her with it.
There's no junk jiggling.
With high-speed Internet, you have at your fingertips
the greatest advancement in the field of sex
since the invention of the washcloth.
Well, if you don't,
you're gonna lose Priya to some fancy guy in a turban
who grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books.
How can you be so racist?
Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.
Oh, Leonard, good.
I need you to check my head for chair lice.
I did it last night, I'm not doing it again.
Just his head, right?
I don't want to talk about it.
You didn't catch bugs from Penny's chair.
And now they're cavorting at the base of my hair follicles
like dancing hippies at the Redwood National Forest.
Sheldon, you do this all the time.
You fixate on some crazy idea
and then blow it way out of proportion.
Name one time I've ever done that.
How about when you put GPS trackers in your garbage
because you were convinced North Korean spies
were stealing your doodles?
The chicken nuggets you were sure were human nuggets.
The strangely-shaped cloud that was following you around town.
The time you put on my shirt by mistake
and were convinced you'd started growing again.
I said, "Name one."
You really need to work on your listening skills.
You need to remove that chair from the building.
It's a health hazard.
Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers,
好吧 淡定吧 我把家具套给拆下来
had them dry-cleaned and then fumigated the cushions.
Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch.
Found half a Hot Pocket in there.
It certainly looks okay.
Has a strong toxic chemical smell.
Why don't you give it a try, Sheldon?
It is a comfortable chair.
Why don't you just admit you overreacted?
It's like living with a Chihuahua.
Penny. Penny. Penny.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
What's up, buttercup?
You have to get rid of the chair.
Penny. Penny. Penny.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
What's the word, hummingbird?
For your safety, please wait in my apartment
as I call the authorities so they may remove the chair of death.
Penny! Penny! Penny!
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
What's the gist, physicist?
Under my authority as a self-appointed member
of the Centers for Disease Control street team...
...these premises are condemned.
As a man with a keen sense of style,
I must tell you, that chair does not work with the room.
Back in bed together.
Yep, here we are.
Okay, so I-I guess I'll just jump right in.
Uh, you're a naughty girl.
And-And, uh, I-I want to punish you with my love?
我 我 要 要用爱来鞭挞你
That's terrible. Try again.
Uh, uh, you're... not naughty.
Uh, you're-you're-you're dirty.
You're a-a dirty girl?
Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay.
You're a, you're a...
You're a-a dirty...
God, Leonard, stop talking.
天啊 莱纳德 求你闭嘴吧
Why don't you just give me five minutes?
I'll Google how to do this. I'll call you right back.
Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet and do what I tell you.
Okay, like usual. Good.
好吧 一如既往 真好
Take off your shirt.
All rightie. Shirt coming off.
Ta-da! Man nipples.
- I said be quiet.- Yes, ma'am.
-我说了闭嘴 -是 长官
Now take off your shorts.
Taking shorts off.
Naked, naked, naked!
赤裸裸 光溜溜 滑嫩嫩
Now I'll take off my clothes.
Oh, Leonard! Already?!
哦 莱纳德 这就缴械了?!
No, no! No-no-no!
不 不 不是这样的
It's probably just buffering
Just give it a second.
So, how are your mom and dad?
Yeah, I really don't want to talk about my parents now.
Yeah. Sure, sure.
If your video's frozen,
try resetting the TCP/IP stack.
I didn't even think of that. Thanks.
You're welcome. Please let me know when
you and your girlfriend are done
hogging the bandwidth for your self-abuse.
I'm trying to stream a movie on Netflix in here.
Five, six, seven, eight.
五 六 七 八
*Tall and tan and young and lovely *
*高挑 黝黑 年轻 可爱*
*The girl from Ipanema goes walking*
*And when she passes, each one she passes goes... *
You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is
symptomatic of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Denial. Denial, denial. Come in.
Would you like to hear me play a bossa nova standard on the harp?
How about the theme song
to the classic television show Diff'rent Strokes?
* Now the world don't move to the beat...*
* 如今的世界已经不再跟着节奏走... *
Well, that's every song I know. What's up?
好吧 我就会这么几首了 什么事
You're good friends with Penny, right?
Best friends, besties,
BFFs, peas in a pod,
sisters who would share traveling pants.
I was hoping she might listen to you
about the dangers of owning unhygienic furniture.
For general educational purposes,
or has she acquired a bar stool dipped in cholera?
Cholera is water-borne.
- You're mocking me. - Yes, I am.
Penny has dragged a chair in off the street
whose unknown provenance jeopardizes the health and welfare
of every resident in our building.
Sheldon, just because you have a focus on
cleanliness bordering on the psychotic
doesn't mean I have to participate.
All right, name your price.
Kiss me where I've never been kissed before.
You mean like Salt Lake City?
Never mind. I'll talk to Penny.
Will you listen to me play my harp now?
No. I dislike the sound of the harp.
Its overuse in classic television sitcoms
always makes me think I'm going to
experience an episode from my past.
I'm sorry, Mommy. Don't be mad at me.
对不起 妈咪 别生我的气
I don't know about this, Howard.
What? You're having trouble with the long-distance lovemaking.
This is your answer.
There are two interfaces that simulate a human mouth.
You have one, Priya has one in India.
When you move your lips and tongue on yours,
it transmits exactly what you're doing to hers.
See? Internet kissing.
Almost. Really get your tongue in there.
to activate the motion sensor.
Close. Really French it.
Yeah, you got it, you got it.
对 就这样 太正点了
I'm impressed. This is very lifelike.
Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
I-I nibbled. I was being playful.
Why do you have to make everything weird?
Probably would cost, like, 200 bucks in a store.
I do appreciate a bargain.
This entire ensemble once belonged to my dead grandmother.
Everything except bra and panties.
And they're a leopard-spotted secret I share with Victoria.
I just have one question about the chair.
Aren't you worried about it being unhygienic?
No, it's completely fine...
He put you up to this.
- No, he didn't. - Really?
-不 他没有 -真的吗
Yes, he did. He absolutely did.
是的 他有 就是他
My God, Amy, that's really crappy of you.
天啊 艾米 你太不够朋友了
Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you to manipulate me?
I thought you were my friend.
No, I am your friend. Please don't be mad at me.
不 我们是朋友 请别生我气
I can't even believe this.
You know, maybe you should just go.
No! No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
不 对不起 真的很对不起
I take it all back!
Look! I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's nothing wrong with it.
It's a great chair.
Please let me continue to be part of your world.
Something in the chair's biting my tushy.
It's not important. Ow!
Wait. Get up, get up!
Swear you won't tell Sheldon what happened!
Can I tell my doctor? I'm probably gonna need shots!
Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured this thing out.
Oh, Leonard, listen...
and I'm gonna make you feel things you have never felt before.
That's right, say my name...
and beg me for more, 'cause...
I'm gonna give it to you.
My parents are here.
if I may also say your name.
Check it out. Free chair.
Hey, you know, if this was in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment,
I wouldn't wind up sitting on the floor all the time.
- Three! - Three!
What kind of idiot throws away