Hey, Howard. Dave Roeger here at NASA.
We need to talk about your upcoming mission.
Yes, yes, I've been doing my push-ups.
I'm still stuck at nine, but...
...that's going all the way down with no one holding me.
That's great, uh, but that's not why I called.
We've run into a bit of a snafu.
Your Soyuz capsule failed the pressurization test,
so bottom line, mission's been scrubbed.
You're kidding. So what does that mean?
Boy, I got to tell you,
I'm really disappointed.
This was my dream ever since I was a little kid.
Okay, well, uh, thanks for the call.
Yes! Thank you!
I'm not gonna die in space!
I'm gonna die the way God intended,
in my late 50s, with a heart full of pastrami.
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I'm going to need a larger shirt.
This one's a little tight under the arms.
Do you think maybe it's tight
because you're wearing long underwear?
Yes, of course that's why it's tight.
All right, let me rephrase the question.
Why are you wearing long underwear?
Shouldn't the question be: why aren't you?
No, it should be: why are you?
Leonard, these rental tuxedos have been
worn by hundreds of sweaty strangers.
I don't like my own sweat touching my skin,
how do you think I feel about theirs?
Why don't you slip this on?
Said the hangman offering a noose.
Well, that wasn't as entertaining as when he rents bowling shoes,
but it was right up there.
My orders have been rescinded.
I am officially "no go" to space.
I'm sorry, Howard, but I got to tell you,
我很遗憾 霍华德 不过老实说
I'm a little relieved you're not going.
Come on, you were gonna go up in a rocket
designed in the 1960s by the Russians.
When was the last time you were at Best Buy
and you heard someone say, "ooh, check out this Blu-ray player,
it must be good, it was built in Russia"?
Well, their technology isn't that bad.
When you come back to Earth in a Soyuz capsule,
you free-fall from space at 500 miles per hour,
and the only thing that slows you down
is a little parachute that pops out
right before you crash into the ground.
And the whole thing was designed by the same brilliant minds
who were unable to capture Rocky and Bullwinkle.
All right, well, whatever.
I wasn't worried.
Let me explain the difference between you and me.
You watch Star Trek
Oh, please. I don't remember the episode of Star Trek
where the guy never goes to space
and brags about it in a tuxedo store.
Make all the jokes you want,
but there's only one of us here brave enough
to almost do what I almost did.
You must be burning up.
A little. But not more than your urethras will be
after whatever's in those pants swims up them.
I cut quite the dashing, yet hygienic figure, don't I?
I look like the Flash about to get married.
Oh! A tissue! A tissue!
天啊 废纸巾 废纸巾
Uh, where's he going?
He keeps emergency Purell in the car.
Keys! Keys! Keys!
钥匙给我 给我 给我
- Hey, you. - Before I come in,
you should know, I have gas.
For the record, not your worst opening line.
Check it out. It's the gas I use
in my free-electron laser to support high voltages.
But it also has an interesting secondary use.
Here. Breathe this in.
if you're a cop you have to tell me, right?
- Just try it. - Okay.
What's it supposed to...
Oh, my God, that's so freaky!
You're a mean one
出自同名歌曲《You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch》
Okay. Me, me, me. Ready?
好了好了 到我了 准备好没
Leonard, I am your father.
I have never been more attracted to a woman
who sounds like a man in my life.
Hey... you know how we've been...
taking things slow?
Well, I've been thinking, and...
maybe I'm ready to...
take things a little... faster.
And I promise, after waiting four months,
fast is what you're gonna get.
You know, just-just one thing.
Look, we're in a really great place right now,
and I don't want to do anything
that will make stuff all weird again.
So we won't let it get weird.
Okay. Oh, and just a heads-up...
mm, since the last time you saw me naked,
I got a Cookie Monster tattoo.
The acceptable response"s when you see it
are "awesome" or nothing.
7:00, right on time.
It's not an accident.
I waited outside your door for 20 minutes.
Well, dinner's almost ready.
I was surprised you chose to spend
our date night in your apartment.
the Pasadena City Council is debating longer crosswalk times,
and later, the LEGO store is having a midnight madness sale.
You ask anyone, that's a hot date.
Tempting choices, but I have something special
planned for tonight.
What can be more special than
having an adequate amount of time to cross the street
on your way to buy a tiny LEGO Indiana Jones?
With our friends moving forward in their relationships,
I've decided that we should make progress in ours as well.
Two years ago, we didn't even know each other,
and now I'm in your apartment after dark.
How much faster can this thing go?
I had a feeling you'd be reluctant,
which is why I'm going to dip
into my neurobiological bag of tricks.
Oh, you brain monkeys kill me. Dip away.
I have devised an experiment
that I believe will increase your feelings for me
in an accelerated time frame.
And how do you propose to do that?
Uh, hope you're not thinking
about some sort of LSD thought control.
Because there's only one mind-expanding drug that this man enjoys,
and that's called school.
Human beings form emotional attachments as they grow up.
In your case, to your mother, superheroes, et cetera.
以你来说 你依恋母亲 超能英雄等等
I'm going to attempt an experiment that
will get you to transfer those feelings to me.
Well, seems what's on the menu tonight
is malarkey with a big side of poppycock.
Let's start with a little romantic dinner music, shall we?
Super Mario Bros.theme?
I see what you're doing.
You're attempting to build on the work of Ebbinghaus
by triggering an involuntary memory of me playing that game--
admittedly the happiest 600 hours of my childhood...
...but it won't work.
Fine. There's no reason we still can't have a lovely dinner.
Why don't you have a seat.
May I offer you something to drink?
You know I don't drink.
I love strawberry Quik.
It's my favorite pink fluid,
narrowly beating out Pepto-Bismol.
I think it will go nicely
with what I have prepared...
Spaghetti with little pieces of hot dog cut up in it!
Just like your mommy used to make.
Oh... yummy, yummy!
We should do this more often.
I'm sorry. I did,
I crossed a line. I didn't mean to!
Who says something like that right in the middle of sex?!
I don't know, it just came out.
People say weird things during sex all the time.
Okay, well, they sure as hell don't say that.
- It was the heat of the moment. - No,
-高潮时刻 情不自禁嘛 -放屁
the heat of the moment is, "Ooh, yeah, just like that,"
not "will you marry me?"
Just-just give me another chance.
Why, so you can crawl under the covers and go,
"Hey, baby, want to go look for houses
in neighborhoods with good schools?"
Again, I'm sorry.
You know, with Howard and Bernadette getting married,
I got caught up in a little wedding fever.
You can't take something like that back.
I mean, what are we even supposed to do now?
Okay, at some point, we'll look back
and this is going to be a funny story.
Why don't we just start doing that now?
- You're kidding. - No.
Hey, do you remember...
...that time when I proposed to you in bed?
And you were all, like, "What are you doing?"
That was so funny.
Give it a minute.
Is that a little smile I see there?
Hey, I was thinking.
For our first dance at the wedding,
what if we learn the final number from Dirty Dancing?
- You're kidding. - No,
How cool would that be?
Me running into your arms...
you lifting me up into the air.
Oh, you're in a good mood.
Yeah, well, why wouldn't I be?
You know, I'm marrying the girl of my dreams,
and I finally got my mother to agree
not to come on our honeymoon.
Oh! Hi, Dave. What's up?
No kidding. Really?
Well, that's...great news.
Great, great news.
All right, I'll watch my e-mail for the details.
What's so great?
It looks like I'm going into space after all.
Oh, Howie, that's wonderful!
What happened? I thought they canceled your mission.
But NASA really wants my telescope up on the space station,
so they're putting me on an earlier launch.
- When? - A...week from Friday.
What? We're getting married that Sunday.
I-I can't go to space.
I have to get married,
and no one can say that's not a good reason.
I'll call him back.
Wait. I don't want to be the one who stands in your way.
Well, too bad, you already did. It's a done deal.
可惜 你已经是了 米已成炊了
Oh, well. But I forgive you.
No. That's not how I want to start our marriage,
killing your dream?
We'll have the wedding when you get back.
But wh-what about all the plans and the guests?
We'll call them.
Although my dad's gonna go a little nutso
over losing his deposits.
You're right, he is!
Your dad's gonna be furious.
There's no way he's gonna let us postpone this wedding.
He won't say no to his little girl.
No! I-I should talk to him,
But, Howie, my dad can be a bully.
但是 华仔 我老爸很凶的
He's gonna make you cancel your space flight.
We can only hope...
Bishop to queen four,
knight takes bishop.
You left your queen exposed from above,
you trapped your knight in the corner,
and you keep sighing and saying, "Why me?"
Can I ask you a question about women?
We got you that book last year.
Wasn't everything in there?
No, I'm having a relationship problem with Amy.
And by the way, that book gave me nightmares.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I screwed things up pretty good with Penny.
Look at us, Leonard...
engaging in the social convention of
men bellyaching about their ol' ladies.
So, what's going on?
Amy has embarked on a campaign
to increase my feelings for her
by making me happy.
I'm sorry, that must be very difficult for you.
This morning, she arranged for me
to be an Amtrak junior conductor for the day.
It-It's usually only open to children.
She got them to make an exception.
They let me blow the whistle, Leonard.
I know. And it gets worse.
Her efforts are causing me
to have affectionate feelings for her
at inappropriate times.
You mean, like in bed or in the shower?
Would you please stop referencing that infernal book?
For example, this morning,
I was calculating the random motion
of virtual particles in a vacuum,
when suddenly the particles morphed
into an image of Amy's dandruff...
...gently cascading down onto her pale,
slightly hunched shoulders.
What has that vixen done to me, Leonard?
And how do I make it stop?
Well, if you had a physical relationship,
I'd say propose during sex.
Turns out that's a real mood killer.
- I assume we're talking about you now? - Yeah.
So, that's how this works?
I complain, and then you complain,
and no one offers any solutions?
Well, no wonder the women are winning.
Mr. Rostenkowski, are you busy?
Oh, just looking at some old pictures. Come on in.
Family pictures, or...?
H-Holy crap, that's a dead person.
Last murder case before I retired.
How many bodies do you see there?
it's a trick question.
Nah, you'll never get it.
It's a fraction.
I need to talk to you about something.
My partner used to have that.
Nah, his wife shot him.
But she was nuts, so in a way...
the reason I wanted to talk to you is
NASA has moved up my launch to the International Space Station.
- Yeah, so? - So...
the date is going to conflict with me marrying your daughter.
Now, I know what you're going to say--
I made a commitment to Bernadette and to your family
and I've got a hell of a lot of nerve coming in here
and demanding that we postpone this thing.
Well, message heard and understood.
Mission canceled. Thank you.
Where are you going?
May I be excused?
Let me tell you something.
When I first met you...
You just gonna stand there?
I'm sorry, I didn't know, is this going to...
抱歉 我不知道 是要...
Well, I should sit...
May I be seat... Well, I'll just sit.
When I first met you,
I'm aware of that, sir.
But then you and I had some time together.
It did not get better.
That silly Beatle haircut
and...you riding around on a red Vespa,
and you're still living at home with your mother.
To be honest, I thought Bernadette chose you
But then I heard about your astronaut thing,
I judged you too fast.
Maybe you are the right guy for my little girl.
Oh, I am. And just so you know,
I'd still be an astronaut, even if I didn't go to space.
I've got an I.D. card and a NASA golf shirt.
No, no, you got to go.
You can't turn down an opportunity like this.
B-But what about the wedding
and all the money you put down for the reception?
You let me worry about that.
You go up to that space station,
and you make me proud.
You got a problem with that?
All right, look, I'm gonna level with you.
I'm terrified about going into space.
What if I don't make it back?
It's gonna be okay, son.
You really think so?
A pretty girl like Bernadette...
she'll find a new guy.
- Off to work? - Yeah.
Have a nice night.
I've been thinking about what I said
when we were in bed the other night.
Yeah, I've been thinking about it, too.
I noticed you never answered me.
- Uh, follow-up. Are we still dating? - Yep.
-继续 那我们还是恋人吗 -是啊
- Is it still weird 'cause I proposed? - Yep.
I have a couple more quick questions.
- Do you want to call me from the car? - No!
Think I played that pretty well.
What are you doing?
We're playing doctor.
Star Trek style.
I'm in hell, Leonard.