- Hey, have you ever heard of the Van Nuys Comic-Con? - Yeah.
It's a dinky little convention where they sell collectibles
and get sad D-list celebrities to appear. Why?
I got asked to sign autographs there.
Is this for Serial Ape-ist?
Well, it could be for the monkey movie.
It could be my hemorrhoid commercial.
The list does not go on.
- When is it? - It doesn't matter.
- I'm not doing it. - What? Why not?
-我才不去 -为什么 为啥不去
You just said yourself, it's sad.
Yeah, but it's not pathetic.
That's where I draw the line.
Come on! We'll have fun.
You'll have nerds fawning all over you.
If you don't love that, this marriage is in trouble.
I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet some fans
and make a little extra money.
Wow! An appearance by George Lucas...
- Oh, I want that autograph. - Oh, yeah.
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
You know, with us living together,
maybe we could think about having people over.
We have people over all the time.
We have the maintenance people, the pizza delivery man...
...that UPS driver who feels the need to ask
how parts of me are hanging.
You know what I meant.
Let's say that we were to entertain people.
What type of gathering did you have in mind?
Huh? A meal? Lunch?
Afternoon tea? A formal tea? Hmm?
And if so, what kind of party?
A Tupperware party?
Ooh, yeah-- is it a surprise party?
Oh, I hope it's not a West Coast party,
'cause according to the man on the radio,
a West Coast party don't stop.
I'm sorry I mentioned it.
Oh, don't be. You get your hopes up,
I knock them down. That's called teamwork.
That's an actual kick.
There's a baby in there.
Oh, yeah, that's where I put it.
Oh, I mean, I know you're pregnant.
never connected the idea of pregnancy
and you actually having a baby.
Which MIT did you go to?
Oh, God, we are not ready to have an infant in this house!
We don't have a crib, we don't have diapers.
We're not baby-proofed.
Anyone can just walk in off the street and lift our toilet lids!
Howie, we have time to do all that stuff.
Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.
The next person kicking you will be me.
Are we even in a good school...?
I warned you, and I did it.
Oh, everything we need for your autograph session--
- head shots, markers. - Okay.
-大头照 马克笔 -等等
Leonard, it's sweet you're excited about this,
but it'll be a miracle if one person asks for my autograph.
I once paid $20 for Theo Sassler's signature.
- Who's that? Oh, I don't even know.
I just liked his name. Theo Sassler!
Oh, and look at this.
I even got a change maker.
How much change you want, little lady?
Oh, there's so much I want to change.
Yeah, well, if it's a dollar, you're in luck.
What's going on here?
You expressed an interest in having people over,
and I feel I dismissed it too quickly.
So, I took matters into my own hands,
and I arranged a brunch.
Well, that's so nice.
Oh, uh, Stuart, Bert from the geology lab,
and Mrs. Petrescu from downstairs.
You mean the Romanian lady on the second floor?
she grew up with ten siblings.
Or possibly penguins. Her English is atrocious.
That's an odd mix of people.
Well, for our first time hosting,
I thought it would be wise to conduct a trial run.
You know, like how I practiced for that Halloween haunted house
by going into the bathroom at the bus station.
You never went into that haunted house.
You never saw what jumped out at me at the bus station.
Well, thank you, Sheldon.
This is a fun surprise.
Well, the real surprise is
how surprised you are that I'm great at surprises.
Well, that's not a surprise at all.
I mean, if I knew you were good at surprises,
I would have expected the surprise,
and therefore not have been surprised.
But as it is, I didn't know,
and therefore my surprise should be unsurprising.
Don't get me all randy. Guests are on the way.
Hey, where you been?
Oh, we went and did a little shopping for the baby.
Wait till you see the crib we found.
You bought a crib without me?
- You're gonna love it. - Yeah.
It's the highest rated one on the market.
I wouldn't even call it a crib.
I'd call it a Fortress of Solitude for babies.
Okay, well, I may have gone a bit overboard,
but you can't put a price on safety.
Though if you did, it's more zeroes than you're expecting.
But it's the safest crib you can buy.
And if you don't like it, we can return it.
- Fine. - In our new minivan.
Hey, what's for lunch?
You bought a minivan?!
It's for the baby, and I didn't buy it.
The dealer loaned it to me for a 24-hour test drive.
Though we did ding up the back pretty good with the crib,
so you might have bought a minivan.
I don't want to drive that. It's such a mom car.
The guy at the dealership said
they're not just for moms anymore.
Then again, he did think you were my husband.
They thought it at the ultrasound.
Why not at the car dealership?
Never been on this side of the table before.
I feel powerful.
I feel like I'm selling candy so our team can get new uniforms.
Okay, so it's $4.75 for a signed black-and-white
and $9.95 for a color.
Right. Why not five and ten bucks?
Well, I brought my moneymaker. Let me shake it.
Hey, that guy's looking over here.
You think he's your first autograph?
I don't know. Be cool. He's coming. He's coming.
不知道 淡定 他过来了 他过来了
I love your movie.
It has got to be one of the worst things
I've ever seen in my life.
Your love confuses me.
- Would you like an autograph? - Sure.
- Okay. Who do I make it out to? - Daniel.
-好的 签给谁 -丹尼尔
- Okay. - I have to ask.
Were you trying to be that bad,
or are you just a terrible actress?
That did not clear things up.
That'll be $4.75.
Nothing about that was good.
There's nothing to be afraid of, Sheldon.
The average cork speed is 25 miles per hour.
If that is too fast around a school,
it is certainly too fast around a kitchen.
Been 15 minutes. Just sayin'.
Okay. I can do this.
Just give me a moment...
Mimosas coming up.
I once left orange juice in my fridge so long,
it tasted like a mimosa.
I don't remember much after I drank it.
Would you like one, Mrs. Petrescu?
Drink is fun and good friends-- Applebee's.
酒好 好友 尽在苹果蜂餐厅
She's learning English from TV.
TV, good. Now back to you.
电视 很棒啊 画面回到现场主播
These are for you.
Oh, they're pretty. Thank you.
Stuart, this is Bert from the Caltech geology lab,
and this is Mrs. Petrescu from downstairs.
Nice to meet you.
So, what did I miss?
Eh, we watched Sheldon try to open a bottle for 15 minutes.
15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance.
Anybody else coming to this thing?
My favorite part is your shower scene.
Been hearing that a lot today.
I even have a screen grab on my phone.
Yep, there they are.
Okay, let's keep it moving.
Should've punched that guy.
Well, go ahead. He's right over there.
Why do you do that? Can't you let me have my moment?
I like your movies.
- Thank you! - I saw both of them.
I assume we're still talking about the movies,
but after today, who knows.
You think I could get a picture of us?
And, uh, could you be giving me a kiss?
No. She cannot kiss...
What is wrong with you people?!
- Leonard... - No, no, no. It's not okay.
-莱纳德 -不行 这样是不对的
- Who are you? - I'm her husband.
Yeah, he really is.
It's got a rearview camera, there's a DVD player--
oh, and check this out.
It's like we're living in the future!
Hey, show her the trunk! Show her the trunk!
Imagine this: you've got the baby in one hand,
groceries in the other, and you're thinking,
"How am I gonna open this trunk?"
I'm probably thinking, "Where's my husband,
and why isn't he helping me?"
You don't need my help when you can open the trunk
with a simple kick of the foot.
No, it's a gentle kick; you're doing it wrong.
不 人家是轻踢 你没做到位
Here. Give me those.
Uh, maybe it was more of a circle?
It's weird that guy thought you were a couple.
And look at all this cargo space.
You know, we'll get the crib out
and you can take it for a test-drive.
I'm telling you, this van is gonna be...
Oh, is it your back?
Anyway, let's just get in and see if the GPS
can take us to the nearest emergency room.
So until Amy's apartment is fixed,
she and I are living here together.
I lived with my old girlfriend.
She was a geologist, too.
Things didn't work out?
I came home from work one day and she had taken everything.
hide your good rocks.
My sister's husband took all her things, too.
Really, no one else is coming?
You are the practice round.
Practice round? For-for what?
Uh, no. He-he just means that
you were the first people we thought of.
We've never thrown a brunch before,
and I wanted to work out all the kinks.
So, I'm like a lab rat
before your real friends come over?
You see, your words sound reasonable,
but your face looks angry.
Help me out here. This is not where I shine.
Stuart, you know you're one of our favorite people.
Okay, now, see, you look sincere,
but your words are completely false.
I'm glad we did this test run.
These brunches are wild!
But how did you get her to go out with you?
Well, she moved in across the hall.
And he started to slowly wear me down.
Like a river carves a canyon.
Yeah, except the river kept showing me his Pokemon cards.
Hang on. This guy's telling me
how he got the Serial Ape-ist girl to marry him.
But he's wearing a change maker.
I'm her change daddy.
What was I thinking?
Wolowitzes are not a lifting people!
We tip the lifting people!
Do we really have to sit for hours in the emergency room?
They're just gonna give you ice and Advil like last time.
You're gonna feel terrible when I'm in a wheelchair.
Which, by the way, would fit easily in the back
顺便说一下 真有轮椅 也可以轻松地装进
of this award-winning minivan.
Fine, we'll go to the E.R.
Just stop selling me on the van.
You're right. It sells itself.
You have to admit, it's a pretty smooth ride.
I was hoping it'd be quieter.
If childbirth is half this bad,
you are so screwed!
- Are we there yet?! - Soon.
Why is it taking so long?!
H-Howard, Howard, look at the DVD screen.
霍华德 霍华德 看屏幕
I put on Batman: The Animated Series. Your favorite!
I'm in too much pain to watch cartoo...
Oh! This is a good one.
I've been babysitting him way longer than you have.
Fine. I'll buy the stupid van.
This is the best blintz I've ever had.
It almost makes up for the incredibly awkward turn
things took earlier.
You know what, I-I think I'm just gonna go.
No, Stuart, don't.
不 斯图尔特 别走
No, I-I consider you and Sheldon like my family,
and I'm not even sure you think of me as a friend.
You have any idea how that feels?
I'm always the last one anybody thinks of.
Well, no, that's not true.
I mean, sometimes it's Koothrappali.
But we're not supposed to say that
'cause he's a minority.
I do know what it feels like to be left out.
I know how it feels, too.
All right, this is about me and him; you're not part of it.
知道了 这是我和他之间的问题 没你事
Stuart, perhaps we do take you for granted,
and that is not acceptable.
Please know that you truly are a valuable member
of our social group.
You know, in fact, I'd like to propose a toast.
a good friend and a wonderful guest.
- Hear, hear. - Cheers.
Cheers. Filmed before a live studio audience.
And that is how a short asthmatic scientist
landed a stone cold fox.
I didn't know you can propose to the same person
The third time, I did it in skywriting,
but she never looked up.
You know, once, I proposed to him.
I just wanted to make her work for it.
Yeah, that's gonna cost you later.
Hang on. Is she just with you because you're rich?
She makes more money than I do!
What?! Who are you?!
Do you know what else I love about you?
Y-Your handwriting is impeccable!
Thank you for noticing!
No, I mean it. I mean it.
It's like you have the soul of a label maker.
You know what I love about you? Hmm?
You never leave the house without a paper clip!
You never know when two pieces of paper
might temporarily need fastening in the top left corner.
I also love how you never use swear words.
You know, it turns out,
you can hurt people just as well without 'em.
Maybe I can get a little help putting some of this stuff away.
I already put away five of these!
No muss, no fuss, not a single cuss.