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Howie? Howie, wake up.
华仔 华仔 醒醒
Oh. Did your water break?
Are you feeling any contractions?
Wait. Well, where are you going?
Today's my due date, and this crap needs to end now.
Honey, babies don't always come on their due date.
Halley was two weeks late.
But this baby's a boy.
They don't take as long to get ready.
I'm making the situation better with humor.
Would you rather me make it better with magic?
- Go back to sleep. - Ta-da!
You know, I hear that sex can induce labor.
Anything for my family.
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I believe today is Bernadette's due date.
How do you know that?
Easy. 40 weeks from the date of her last period.
And why do you know that?
Well, excuse me for taking an interest in people.
We went to the doctor this morning,
and she said it could still be another week or two.
How's Bernadette holding up?
She's having a hard time.
Why are you smiling?
I had sex twice last night.
That's not fair! She's on bed rest.
She can't run away.
She read that it can start labor.
Well, I would have Googled it,
but I was busy taking my pants off.
Yeah, not to brag, but Amy's last birthday
brought my coital tally up to four.
Whatever you're doing, it's not bragging.
- Hey, guys. - ?Hey.
?Hey, I was just talking about you.
- Oh, should I ask? - You should not.
I'm trying to get our grant proposal together.
Any chance you've finished up those mechanical drawings?
Oh, sorry. I was gonna do it last night,
but I got kind of busy.
What are they talking about?
I'll give you a hint.
It's something that we have done four times.
Watched La La Land?
I've not watched La La Land four times.
If you find the soundtrack on my phone,
that's just 'cause our iTunes accounts are linked.
Looks like I might have a little more time
before the baby gets here,
so why don't we just stay late and get it done?
Well, I don't want you to leave Bernadette alone.
Oh, we can hang out and keep her company.
- Yeah, absolutely. - See, see. Look at my Netflix queue.
-对啊 -看啊 看我的线上视频待看列表
There's two documentaries
and the movie Friends with Benefits,
which I thought was a documentary
about employer health care plans.
Hey, Bernie, it's me.
I let myself in.
What are you doing?
I thought you were supposed to be on bed rest.
That's done, but I've been on stair rest
for the last 45 minutes.
Here, let me help you. ?Yeah.
If you really want to help, put on a rubber glove,
reach on up there and start pulling.
I know you're joking, but I grew up on a farm.
Oh, I just want this to be over.
You know, when my yoga instructor was pregnant,
she told me there are tons of poses
that put her right into labor.
but I feel like bendy poses are what got me into this mess.
Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises.
Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.
Okay, we go down...
Yeah, hearing you is not the problem.
I'm telling you, there's an acupressure point
right above your ankle that can induce contractions.
All right, but just a warning.
My feet are a little swollen.
Oh, please, Bernadette.
I'm sure this-- okay.
Nothing. Your ankles look fine, and not at all
没什么 你的脚踝很正常啊 一点都不像
like I just popped open a can of crescent rolls.
My mother believes that if you're not prepared mentally,
it can delay your body from going into labor.
So what are you trying to say? It's my fault?
Your ankles aren't that gross.
Let me guess. You're here to try to get me to go into labor.
Oh, please. I'm disgusted when people sneeze,
and that's just stuff coming out of their nose.
I am here to sit with you and keep you company.
Yeah, by playing the most complicated board game
ever invented: Campaign for North Africa.
I bought it off eBay.
It smells a little like chili, but all the pieces are there.
Get out here right now and I'll buy you a pony.
Are there any engineers on the grant committee?
I don't know. Why?
I didn't have time to figure out
the three-input hydraulic manifold,
so this diagram is really just a flux capacitor
from Back to the Future.
I'm sorry this is on such short notice.
Hey, I just wish I could be there when you present it.
It's more important that you spend time with Michael.
My son doesn't have a name yet.
Okay, well, then, Bernadette's son.
I can't believe her.
She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
- What did you want to name him? - I don't know.
We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Well, it's a baby.
Her dad's a wrinkly bald man.
That wasn't gonna break your way.
Welcome to the next five to eight weeks of your life.
Sheldon, I said I didn't want to play your game.
Well, then don't think of it as a game.
Think of it as a source of information
about one of the lesser known campaigns of World War II.
That's so much better.
Okay, first, we need to roll to determine the weather.
It's a desert. Isn't it gonna be hot?
Michael? Really, you think we're naming him Michael?
麦克 是吗 你觉得我们要把孩子取麦克吗
Not now, Howard.
I'm in the middle of a game.
You wish. You are hundreds of hours away from the middle.
I can't believe you're trying to hijack our son's name.
This is as fast as I move! Calm down!
So you're just gonna name him Michael?
Were you even gonna tell me?
Oh, right. That was Amy.
What's wrong with Michael? It's my dad's name.
I don't want to name our son after your father.
I didn't want to say this, but he's dying.
Eventually. I mean, you see the way the man eats.
Okay, is this the hormones,
or have you always been a lunatic?
I don't even know anymore.
Bernie, this is our kid's name.
I think we should both agree.
You're right. We both made this baby.
And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months,
sacrificed my body and my job,
and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me
like the Kool-Aid Man.
I think I got Bernadette in trouble.
Maybe we should go.
She and I are playing Campaign for North Africa.
She doesn't want to play that. Hmm?
Neither did the Egyptians, but that didn't stop Rommel.
Hey! I brought Chinese.
And I brought Indian.
What are you guys doing here?
Sheldon texted and said
Bernadette wanted us all to come over.
The game's best with five to ten players.
Okay, if it's not Michael, then what do you want to name him?
Harry, like Potter or Houdini.
It doesn't bother you that I have an old boyfriend named Harry?
How 'bout Al or Max or...
Hey, Bernadette, it's your turn.
is strafing your supply line in Tobruk.
We're kind of busy.
Oh. 'Kay. But you're being pretty rude.
Everyone did come over to play this game with you.
You know, I always thought Christian was a nice name.
Sounds a little too uncircumcised.
Bernadette, it's your turn.
All right, I'll just roll for you.
Ooh! That is a good one!
Your troops' morale rating is pretty high.
Now, Leonard, as the defender,
we need to subtract your morale rating
from Bernadette's to get a final
adjusted morale rating for the assault.
And I will just check the assault differential column.
Ooh! Who said war was hell?
Yeah, that's a rhetorical question.
Sherman said it.
What about Sherman?
Like, Sherman Wolowitz.
Yeah, that's a kid who's gonna take his mother to prom.
Hey, Howard, you did that, right?
I didn't take her. She chaperoned.
We slow-danced once.
Paul. Paul Wolowitz.
Ooh, like "Koothra-paul-I."
Okay, you ruined it.
All right, that moves us on to the tactical shipping phase.
Penny, I believe, as logistics commander, that's you.
Okay. I surrender.
It takes more than everybody not enjoying it
to stop a game with Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon, we're talking about something important here.
If you pick a baby name, can we get back to playing?
All right, here we go.
You can't name him Ranatanata.
Oh, right, it's a boy. That'd be ridiculous.
对哦 这是男孩 这名字不合适
What about Ozymandias?
Are you making these up or having a stroke?
Ozymandias is from a poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley.
Oh, oh! Bysshe Wolowitz.
Solved. Back to the game.
Some people name their kids after places.
Like what, Walla Walla Wolowitz?
If you think that is better than Ozymandias Wolowitz,
then you have been breathing in the poisonous gas
that my troops illegally dispersed.
Uh, I think that was a contraction.
Is it time? Do we need to go to the hospital?
No. We've been through this before.
My water hasn't even broken yet.
Never mind your water.
Has your mucus plug popped out?
Oh, you're right. We probably would've heard that.
It's not a champagne cork.
Although that would be festive.
You know what, maybe we should go.
Did you have another contraction?
No. I'm just worried that Sheldon's gonna say
"mucus plug" again.
And I'm worried one's gonna hit me in the eye.
Should we take two cars?
Uh, actually, could you stay here and watch Halley?
That way we don't have to wait for Bernadette's parents.
Yeah, you guys go. We'll take care of her.
You have nothing to worry about.
Well, not nothing. There are U-boats approaching the Suez Canal.
It's too late for us. Go, go!
Suez? Birth? It's a big night for canals.
苏伊士 出生日 运河今夜逢吉时
But I am really excited to meet our son.
Me, too. I thought I'd be super freaked out.
But I'm ready for this.
Well, not the part where you're in labor
and you squeeze my fingers till they turn blue.
That must be really painful for you.
I mean, last time, I...
I see what you're doing.
I'm sorry I tried to sneak the name past you.
I'm sorry I used up so many good names in college.
I was really competitive with my roommate.
You know what, maybe we're putting too much pressure on this.
It doesn't matter what we name him.
He's gonna be amazing.
This kid is part you and part me.
Yeah. He's gonna be smart and kind and funny.
If he cracks five-foot-six, it'll be a miracle.
I've always liked the name Elliott.
Sorry, can't have it. That's my boy name.
抱歉 不能用 那是我儿子的名字
It's not like calling dibs.
Yes, it is. It's exactly like that.
I-I'm just saying, we might get there first.
You only have sex once a year.
I'll probably have sex tonight.
Fine, you can have Elliott.
When did you pick out our kids' names?
Remember that day you moved into the building?
A non-creepy amount of time after that.
Yeah, I like the name Elliott.
That wasn't on my list, but I like it.
We've heard your names. They're ridiculous.
And I have a cousin named Dilip.
Well, I wasn't going to give them any of the good names.
I'm saving those for us.
Really? You've thought about our kids?
Of course. I think you and I will have exceptional children.
Well, I think so, too.
How many kids do you guys want?
- What? - Don't worry.
I don't expect you to bear them all.
I'm sure we can find a suitable uterus to rent.
We weren't thinking about you.
I am going to the kitchen.
Can I get anybody anything?
Penny, nice glass of milk
and a multivitamin?
Oh, my God. What, what, what?
No. No, no, we miscalculated
不 不是 我们算错了
our unassigned armor class units.
We need to start over.
Oh, no, no, no, not from the beginning.
Just from when the tanks started moving.
That was five hours ago.
Mm, no. No, that was two hours ago.
It only feels like five.
Don't you think we should've heard something?
I'm sure they're fine.
Hey, everything okay?
Yeah! The baby was born about an hour ago.
Dude, why didn't you call me?!
The only way I would see my son for the first time
and immediately think "I need to call Raj"
is if he came out brown.
You know, it can take some time for pigment to form.
You're still not out of the woods.
- Congratulations! - Yeah. Hey, what'd you name him?
Neil for Armstrong,
Gaiman, and Diamond.
Michael because Bernie had to get six stitches.
Neil-- that's cute.
But we're calling him Michael!
I'm not gonna fight her.
That kid's head was the size of a cantaloupe.