Hey, honey, Hugh Grant has a--
Okay, well, Alex has a cello lesson at 11:00...
and Junior Congress at noon.
Doesn't she also have no boys at forever?
Don't you have an eating disorder you need to attend to?
Yeah, anyway, uh, we could see the 4:00 or the 6:20.
Oh, actually, that's no good.
I'm meeting my friend Denise for a drink.
Denise? Do I know Denise?
Yeah. You know, my old girlfriend.
Oh, my God. Gross. I can't even picture you with a woman.
- Thank you. - You had a girlfriend before Mom?
Trust me. I had plenty of fun in my time.
And then I met your mom.
So I guess she travels
around selling makeup for a cosmetics company.
She's in town for a week.
You mean she's like a door-to-door salesman?
If you were doing it, they'd call it a dork-to-dork salesman.
My boy strikes like a rattlesnake!
Oh, yeah? W-Well, you-
是吗 那 那你就是
Wow. All right, well, we can see the movie tomorrow.
Come on. It's time for your lesson.
You mean her second lesson, because she just got schooled.
What's wrong with me today?
Shake it off, champ. It's not your day.
算了 宝贝 今天你的水平发挥不出来
- Ay, good morning, papi. -Is it?
-早上好 小家伙 -是吗
Ay, you're still sad because of that audition.
That part was mine. I was born to play Tevye.
Instead they give it to Rod Jackson?
What does he know from suffering?
- How are we doing? - A little better.
But we're gonna go and throw ice cream at the problem.
Well, if that doesn't work, this should do the trick.
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
We can hang this in your room.
You can see it every morning, start to internalize it.
Pretty soon nothing will keep you down.
What are you talking about?
Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker.
My friend's grandfather had a heart attack.
Now he needs a machine to breathe.
I've seen him- at the supermarket.
Now he needs to drive one of those little, like-
That's right. Be negative.
It's just not a good poster, Jay.
You're only making me stronger.
- Did you pack the bread for the ducks? - Yes.
Not the whole-wheat kind. The ducks don't like that.
They're ducks, Mitchell. They don't care.
We both believe that
animals should play a big part in Lily's life.
Having grown up on a farm, I was surrounded by them.
They were more like brothers
and sisters than just, you know, livestock.
Delicious brothers and sisters.
Life on a farm- they know what they're getting into.
- Oh, it's the office. -Don't answer it.
It's like this every Saturday. Just ignore it.
Well, maybe it's not that this time. Hello?
Holy- Shel? You all right, buddy?
我靠..小壳 你还好吗 哥们
Oh, there's four of 'em, Mitchell.
They're giving her little duck kisses.
Oh, she's laughing. I can't believe you're missing this.
Well, why not, Cam? I've missed everything else.
那又怎样 小卡 我错过的还少吗
She rolled over when I was in Phoenix.
She started scooting when I was in court.
Well, just tell 'em you're not coming in. You do enough for 'em.
Well, you know that. I know that. You know?
关于这一点 你知道 我也知道
The only one who doesn't know that is my sucky boss.
He's the suckiest suck of all time.
He's a miserable son of a bitch who...
may have heard everything I just said.
- Hi, honey. -Hey.
-嗨 亲爱的 -嗨
When are you getting together with your gal pal?
Actually, I was just checking on that.
She's supposed to send me a message.
Oh, you're Facebook friends.
Sure am. She's one of my 447 friends.
Everybody wants a slice.
How long have you two been in touch with each other?
Uh, she tracked me down about a year ago.
What? What's- What's that sound?
Oh. Here she is right now.
"How about we meet at Le Reve at 7:30?"
That sounds innocent enough- I mean-
drinks with an ex-girlfriend at an intimate French restaurant.
Honey, you're doing that thing when you say what I want you to say
but your tone seems mean.
Let me guess. Denise isn't married.
Recently divorced. What's the big deal?
Come on, Phil. You can't be that naive.
得了 菲尔 别太傻太天真
Seriously, women in their 30s on the Internet are like-
they're like ninjas.
They get into their little black outfits
and try and sneak their way into your marriage.
That's not Denise.
Here. Read some of her messages.
- You're gonna feel silly. - Okay.
"Hey, Phil. How's it going?"
"嗨 菲尔 最近怎么样啊"
You can't add the sexy voice.
"Hi, Phil. How's it going?"
"嗨 菲尔 过得怎么样"
"So glad to hear your neck is better."
- Are you seriously jealous? - No,
I am not jealous at all.
I just happen to know women better than you do,
and that woman wants a slice.
Okay. Just to prove how wrong you are,
I'm gonna invite her over here for drinks.
Fine with me. Just hope it's fine with Denise.
"Gee, Phil, I really had my heart set on Le Reve."
That voice doesn't bother me.
Has he been acting weird around you?
No, no. I've been avoiding him all morning.
So you don't even know if he heard you.
That's why we're doing this.
And where are you? I only have a half hour for lunch.
So this is where it happened.
Just turn off the phone,
roll down the window and we'll see if you can hear me.
Go around! We're re-creating a faux pas!
Okay. Can you hear me now?
Yeah, but just barely.
Is this how loud you were talking?
It might have been a little bit louder.
There was traffic. I almost had to shout.
- You almost had to what? - Shout.
- 几乎得什么 -用喊的
- Little bit louder now. - Shout.
- Little bit louder now. - Shout!
Really, Cam? My job is at stake here, and-
别闹了 小卡 我的工作要保不住了
Oh, who are we kidding? You can obviously hear me.
Manny? Manny, come here a second, pal.
曼尼 曼尼 过来一下
- Huh? - I got some bad news, buddy.
Well, there's no easy way to say this.
Shel Turtlestein is dead.
I was down here reading the paper,
and I heard this commotion up in your room.
So- so naturally, I go running up there.
出 出于本能反应 我跑上楼
And this mangy raccoon had busted through your screen.
He must have scampered up to where Shel was.
By the time I walked in, he had-
the little bastard had him by the neck and shaking him.
Gravel was flying everywhere.
He didn't even flinch.
He just stared at me with that smug look and then bolted.
If only I'd have got here earlier.
May I see the body?
Baby, are you sure that's a good idea?
It's something I have to do.
- That's him. - Sorry, pal.
-确实是它 -对不起 哥们
It just doesn't make any sense.
Yep. Only the good die young.
But in school, we learn raccoons are nocturnal.
They sleep during the day.
They sure do, and this one must've got up for a midnight snack.
You know, we've all done that.
- I guess so. -Yeah.
I don't think I can be in here right now. Too many memories.
- You lie. - What?
I'm Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one.
I was hanging up the new poster
and it fell on top of him. It was an accident.
You have to tell him.
No. I've been through this before.
When Mitchell was nine, I was supposed to take care of his bird.
It got out and flew into a fan.
It was like a bloody pillow fight.
My God. How many pets have you killed?
I took the heat on the bird. It was a big mistake.
To this day, Mitchell looks at me,
I see him thinking,
"That's the guy who killed Fliza Minnelli."
And what if he finds out? Then what?
You'll be the guy that killed his pet and lied to him.
He's not gonna find out because I covered my tracks.
How did I not know that kid was gay?
Big day for you, huh?
- Because you will get to meet your real mom. - What?
We all made a pact we'd deny it until you turned 21.
But that's the real reason Dad's old girlfriend's coming over.
and if she likes you, you'll go live with her.
I'm not adopted. I'm asking Mom.
You mean Mrs. Dunphy? She's not going to tell you the truth.
Just 'cause he called you a dork-to-dork salesman?
The empire shakes back.
Raccoons have five toes.
I don't mean to bother you.
It's just confusing.
The footprints in my room only have four toes.
You know, I bet I know what happened.
I'll bet he lost those toes in a fight.
And that guy looked like he'd been in a brawl or two.
- One toe from each foot? - Maybe.
You know, Manny, I think the only thing...
that's gonna get you to stop asking all these questions...
is for you to have a little closure.
Well,I'd like to throw a little memorial for Shel.
It'll be good for all of us.
That way we get our grief out,
and then we never have to talk about this ever, ever again.
Hi. Oh, careful. There's a thing.
Yeah. Good to see you.
- Hi! Oh, my God. - Hi. I'm Claire.
-嗨 -嗨 我是克莱尔
You must be- Oh. Yeah. Hi.
- Denise. - Well- Okay.
You're even prettier than the pictures that Phil's always posting.
- Just a couple. - Oh?
Shut up. Every week.
He loves showing you off.
And my boyfriend likes your Acapulco pictures,
probably a little too much.
Well, thank your boyfriend for me.
Oh, I brought you, um, some lifting intensifier.
Not that you need it. It's a limited edition,
- Thank you. Thank you. - Never mind.
-谢谢 谢谢 -不客气
Oh, Denise, I think you might know these people.
- Uh, that's Haley - Hi.
- Alex and- - Luke.
I had curly hair just like that when I was little.
So? That doesn't mean anything.
Why don't we, uh, come on in, have a seat. Please.
So what was my dad like in high school?
Only the most amazing break-dancer ever.
- No way. - Oh, don't fire it up. What? What?
-不可能 -别刺激我 你看 你看
He had a boom box and a piece of cardboard in his locker.
- And what was your dance name? - O-Zone.
I drove him to his Star Search audition.
Which is totally political, by the way.
That is dead-ass funny. I'm so calling you that.
Wow. You really lucked out.
You have a beautiful wife, a gorgeous house.
And those kids- I could take Luke home with me.
Well, be my guest.
Seriously, you go right ahead.
No! I like it here!
Alex, honey, will you go find out what's wrong with your brother?
艾丽克斯 宝贝 看看你弟弟怎么了
You know, um, if it's okay, I think I'm just gonna use the, um-
Oh, yeah. Of course. Down the hall.
- Left-hand side. You can't miss it. - Thanks.
-就在左手边 很容易找到 -谢谢
- Okay, she's fantastic. -Yes?
Yes. I feel awful.
When did I become this horribly cynical person...
who assumes the worst about people?
I first noticed it seven years- You're not.
Such an idiot. Is it-
- Oh, I'll show you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. Thanks.
-我带你过去 没关系的 -谢谢
So how are we gonna do this?
I thought I'd just point at the door.
- So I was thinking - I was thinking too.
Here... is my hotel room key.
You can come by whenever you want.
That was funny this morning, huh-
when I pulled up next to you at that stoplight?
Yeah. Because I was on the phone with my partner...
talking about how horrible his boss was- his.
And then you pull up. So-
Anyway, I'm glad I ran into you.
I'm getting worried they're gonna move up our court date.
I need you to bust ass preparing.
'Cause if they call us on Monday-
Uh, you need to get that?
No. It's fine. It's just a...
不是 没关系 只是一张
picture of my daughter standing for the first time.
Yeah, they do that. It's a big day.
Anyway, I need you here tomorrow.
I know it's a Sunday, but,
uh, you think you can be on time, okay?
Actually, um, I have plans tomorrow,
uh, so I won't be here.
I-I have plans to stay at home
with my family and do absolutely nothing. Okay.
和家人一起 什么都不做 就这样
But I will see you on Monday.
So, you're in charge now, is that it?
Well, I just figure if my daughter can stand up,
All right, look. We've all been working hard lately, okay?
But that's the job.
So either come in tomorrow or don't bother coming back again.
Need the, uh, I.D. to
make the elevator go down to freedom...
and this to complete my set.
Turtle, reptile, pet.
乌龟 爬行动物 宠物
Shel Turtlestein was many things.
I don't think I can do this without crying.
Maybe we should just get to the cold cuts.
Well, we wanna hear it.
Jay, why don't you read it?
You were with him at the end. Remember?
"Shel Turtlestein was many things,"
"but above all, he was my friend."
"When I didn't get a date with Fiona Gunderson,"
"Shel was there."
"When I didn't get to play the part of Tevye,"
"Shel was there."
"And when a raccoon broke into my room,"
"unfortunately, Shel was there.
"I said a lot of things to my friend,"
"but the one thing I never got to say was good-bye."
Stop. I know what really happened.
- You do? - I left a bag of chips near my bed.
The raccoon must have smelled it. It's my fault he's dead.
Jay, you don't have anything to say to Manny?
Shel forgives you.
These pictures are amazing. Thank you.
Sweetie, that perm.
Technically, that's a Jheri curl.
I just love to take pictures. I took this one of myself today.
You know what? I'm gonna open a bottle of wine.
No. No. That's the worst idea.
No, no. I'm not in the mood.
What am I, raised by a pack of wolves?
You weren't completely wrong about Denise.
- How's that? - She wants me.
- To do what? - It. Her.
-干什么 -那个 干她
Oh. Oh, this is because of the thing I said about Facebook...
and everybody's hooking up, and now you're disappointed.
No. She bit the air right in front of me. Like that.
不是 她对着我大口咬空气 像这样
And then look what she tried to give me.
- Anything I can help with? - No.
I just- I can't find my corkscrew.
- Touch me. - Okay. Denise,
-摸我 -好了 丹妮丝
I think somewhere along the line you got the wrong idea.
My head is full of wrong ideas.
- You have such great taste, Claire. - Thank you.
-你的品味真不赖 克莱尔 -谢谢
I remember Phil used to have really good taste too.
- Let me get a little of this. - Oh, here it is.
Phil, would you mind grabbing us a couple glasses?
- Need me to grab anything? - No!
- Okay, this is so wrong. - I know.
- It's way more exciting when she's in the room, isn't it? -No.
I still have my cheerleader outfit.
But this still can't happen. When did that break?
- Why are you wussing out? - I never wussed in.
What about all those things you wrote on Facebook?
"How was your day? My neck is so sore."
Why do people keep adding voices to these things?
I didn't mean anything.
Are you telling me that I wasted a year
of my life on this relationship?
How many other women have you led on?
No, I don't know!
Do you remember when you broke your arm
when we were first dating?
Yeah, uh, when I slipped on the ice.
Right. That's so weird. Because in this picture,
是啊 奇怪了 这张照片里
you're sitting with Denise and you have a broken arm, so-
Yeah, that's- that's weird.
- So you were still dating her when you started dating me? - No.
- Phil? - Yeah. Maybe.
There was a time, a little overlap...
when, uh, I was trying to break things off with Denise.
You took me to Santa Fe.
Santa Fe? Phil, you told me that was your father.
Okay, I know the pain is fresh, but the lie is really old.
You know, this was a mistake. I'm gonna leave.
Claire, if I were you, I would kick him out.
克莱尔 我要是你 就把他踢出家门
Maybe he'd appreciate you
more after he spent a lonely night in a hotel.
At the Radisson, by the airport.
- You quit? - It was amazing.
No, no. This is the new me, Cam.
I am not letting people run my life anymore.
I should be nervous, but I'm not. I'm excited for you.
Yes! It's exciting! It's exciting.
没错 这太令人激动了 太激动了
Because you followed your heart, and that is worth celebrating.
Cam, I just feel-
And I'm not picking it up.
- I like this guy. - I do too.
Yes, we'll have to cut back a little bit.
But isn't it worth it if you feel
like you're living your life for the first time?
- Totally. - What were we even waiting for?
You will go back to teaching music,
and then I'll just find something in a... few months.
And until then, all we need to do is just sit back...
and watch this little miracle here dazzle us.
- I'm tingling. - I am too.
It's like my heart is full for the first time in forever.
Oh, God, it's really pounding.
It's like I feel the weight of
endless possibilities just sitting on my chest-
She is not doing anything, Cam.
You're not panicking, are you?
- Of course I am panicking. - No. Don't panic.
If you panic, I panic!
I just quit my job. Cam! My God.
我刚辞职了 小卡 老天啊
Mitchell, I am used to nice things.
What are we gonna do?
Okay. No, no. Just calm down.
This is what we're gonna do.
I am going to- I'm gonna do what I'm trained to do.
I am going to lie, grovel, debase myself
until I get what I want.
I am a lawyer, damn it.
Oh, no, you're right. The tie.
No. We'll find something better for you,
something that works for all of us.
There's no Plan "B" here, Cam.
We have a mortgage. We have- We have a child to support.
Hey, it's gonna be okay.
We're gonna figure it out.
I just want you to be happy, and you will be happy.
And that is something worth toasting.
Let's just drink the cheap stuff,
'cause we might have to sell that bottle.
It's hard to sleep in a bed of lies.
Kids get over these things pretty quick.
He's probably sleeping like a baby right now.
I'm sure he's wide awake, full of guilt.
Well, I'm going to sleep.
- What are you doing up? - Waiting.
The truth. It wasn't a raccoon, was it?
等真相 浣熊不是凶手 对吗
Oh, all right. You got me. I killed Shel.
好了好了 被你发现了 是我的错
All right? I'm sorry. It was an accident.
行了吧 对不起 我不是故意的
Why didn't you just tell me?
Because I didn't want you to be upset with me.
You and I got off to a rocky start.
Lately, it's been pretty good.
I was afraid I'd mess all that up
if you knew that I was the one that killed your pet.
Now you're the guy who killed my pet
and made a stupid lie about it.
Well, I don't think it was stupid.
I thought it was pretty clever.
I was just trying to avoid past mistakes.
I know I can't make things all better right now,
but maybe over time.
Since we're confessing things,
you know that scratch on your car?
The one that can't be buffed out? Yeah?
You should probably know how it happened.
I know how it happened.
- Good night, Jay. -Good night, kid.
-晚安 杰 -晚安 小家伙
Best thing I ever did
was quit a miserable job and start my own business.
- Thanks, Dad. - No, it's not gonna be easy.
That's why Gloria and I wanna give you a little something
to help you through it.
No. I want to, Mitch.
Okay, but, I mean, as soon as I'm back on my feet, I really want to-
Oh. Oh, Dad. No. You-
爸爸 不要 你
You tried to give me this 20 years ago when my pet snake died.
- Zsa Zsa Gaboa? - Oh, that's adorable.
And you really didn't know that he was gay?
I must've, right?