Did Manny call?
No, because he's fine.
It was a slumber party, not a gang fight.
I just want him to fit in.
I'm gonna take a shower. Do you care to join me?
You know, honey, there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage.
If I ever say no to that question,
I want you to use it on me.
Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack.
- All dressed in black, black, black. - Shh, shh.
-穿成黑色 黑色黑色 -嘘 别出声
- What's wrong? - With silver buttons, buttons, buttons.
-怎么了 -银色扣子 扣子扣子
All down her back, back, back.
Why aren't they trying to hurt each other?
I don't know, but I'm afraid to move.
- You're really good at this. - Thanks.
What is happening, Claire?
Now, that is a scone.
No butter. Nonfat.
I'm gonna go check on Lily.
- Surprise! - Mom!
Sounds like a bird hit the window.
Oh, God. That's a bad sign.
Ow! That hurt, jerk!
Ow! I'm gonna kill you, stupid!
- Hi, honey. Mmm! - Hi. I, uh-
-你好 宝贝 -你好 我...
I- I didn't know you were in town. You didn't call.
Well, I couldn't wait to see your new baby. Where is she?
- Mitchell, who was that? - It's my mom.
-米奇尔 是谁啊 -是我妈
Oh, yeah, right,
'cause the last time she was here,
the refrigerator magnets rearranged themselves into a penta...
Mom. Mom, what are you doing to her legs?
Tai chi. I did it every day in Sedona.
Cameron, you should try it.
Mitchell's mother has a problem...
Last Christmas, for example,
she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer.
I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings,
and she gave me a hint.
And living in Sedona has been transformational.
I get up every morning, and I go to a Vortex meditation site...
and work with a shaman to
finally understand how to live my spirituality.
And I've learned that
the only way I can move to the next level of my awakening...
is if we all can somehow...
I would like to congratulate Jay and the lovely Gloria.
I'm very happy for them.
I wanted a big, beautiful wedding with Jay...
because my ex-husband and I got married...
in a tiny little office of a judge in Colombia.
My mother wanted to go to the wedding
to show everyone how okay she was with all of it,
so I convinced Dad and Gloria to invite her.
Who warned you that that was the worst idea ever?
Of course, I've-I've moved on.
I was supposed to come with a date,
but he just hurt his back,
which is very ironic because he's young and-and healthy.
My mom started drinking...
these cocktails called "Horny Colombians"...
with some of Gloria's uncles,
whom apparently the drink was named after.
Oh, come on. They were funny.
They kept patting my butt.
Somebody's full of herself.
It's a- It's a Colombian wedding tradition, they said.
I would like to make a toast.
Yeah. Nanna got totally wasted.
Uh, it was really funny.
Then it was gross.
To the bride and the groom- my ex.
敬新娘 以及新郎 也就是我的前夫
Thirty-five years we were together,
and he couldn't wait 10 minutes to run off with Charo.
Seriously, I knew they were perfect for each other...
when I saw his wallet and her boobs.
Take your hands off me!
- Mom. Mom. - Oh, relax, Mitchell.
-妈 妈 -米奇尔 放松
What, did you take your Claire pill?
- No, no. - Let's just go get a little fresh air, okay?
-别别 -我们去呼吸一下新鲜空气 好吗
And then it got weird.
- I'm Gloria! I'm Gloria! - I got her.
-我是歌洛莉亚 我是歌洛莉亚 -我抓住她了
Kiss me! Oh, hey, kiss me!
Nanna is really strong.
Ayayayayay! Ooh! Ayayayayay!
哎呀呦 哎呀哟 啊嘶嘚啊嘶哆
During my vows to my first husband,
drug dealers burst in and assassinated the judge.
This was way worse.
What can I say? I drive women crazy.
It's too soon, I guess.
Everybody is going to be there, Mom!
Your father and I are not about to let you
drive two hours to go to a concert...
and then spend the night with a bunch of boys,
especially that 17-year-old hormone you're dating.
It's totally supervised.
Oh, really? By whom?
By Spencer Patine's uncle.
Who's Spencer Patine?
You know Spencer- the guy with the arm.
Wait. What kind of arm?
What is that even mean?
His uncle is Uncle Toby.
Oh, Uncle Toby. I'll be sure to include that in my Amber Alert.
- Oh, my God! - Okay. Can I step in here?
I think I can help.
Haley, what your mom is worried about...
is you getting your heart broken
when Dylan goes off to college next year.
- He's not going to college. - That's not what I'm-
He's not going to college?
He's in a band, okay? They're going on tour.
Oh, this just gets better and better.
Why are you always on me about everything?
- Because you need to understand... - Okay. Everybody, calm down!
-因为你必须明白 -好啦 大家冷静一下
Let's start from the beginning.
What's wrong with Spencer's arm?
Ay, baby! Did you have fun at the slumber party?
You must be exhausted.
No, I'm not tired at all.
I was the first one to fall asleep.
What's on your face?
A smile from having such a good time with my friends.
That's why they were laughing.
I thought it was my funny take on current events.
Why would they do something like that?
Don't worry about it.
Guys pull pranks like that all the time.
You just gotta prank 'em back.
You just gotta show 'em
you're willing to give as good as you get.
Well, Mom, instead of dredging up the whole incident,
maybe we should just try and repress it,
like a- like a normal family.
I can't. I need closure.
I'm about to embark on a new journey.
and he's asked me to come live with him in his foreign land.
You're moving to-to Canada?
It's just that when I think of all the awful things...
that I said to Gloria and Jay and you and Claire,
I feel such guilt.
Give it time, and see Banff.
I just can't give myself to him sexually.
- Okay. Mom. - Did not see that coming.
-别说这 妈 -没想到你突然说如此劲爆的
Oh, oh. Don't get me wrong.
We satisfy each other down there-
- Oh! Can't.. - Don't wanna-
That's why I need everyone's forgiveness.
I need your help, Mitchell.
Did you hear that, Mitchell?
Your mom needs your help to make love to her new man, Chas.
That's not weird at all.
I'm just not really sure what you're asking me to do, Mom.
Well, everyone's mad at me.
Maybe you could pave the way so that I can apologize.
we are actually all supposed to have Sunday dinner tonight,
so maybe I could go around and ask everyone
if it's okay for you to join us.
Oh! I knew I could count on you.
Oh, my beautiful boy. Mmm.
I love you so much.
There's a fish in nature
that swims around with its babies in its mouth.
That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother...
and say, "that's messed up."
Things with your mom got pretty intense down there, huh?
All like East Coast-West Coast. You feelin' me?
Act like a parent, talk like a peer.
I call it "Peerenting."
I learned it from my own dad, who used to walk into my room...
and say, "what's up, sweathog?"
他会说 "怎么了 小老弟"
Honey, I would love to let you go to the concert.
Are you kidding me? I think concerts are rad.
Hello? I was a Hall-Raiser.
I followed Hall & Oates around the country one summer.
"Rich Girl" Just spoke to me.
[《千金小姐》为Hall & Oates名曲之一]
I was dating this girl. Not- Not dating.
I guess I was following her too, kind of-
Okay, Mom just doesn't trust me, and it's not fair.
She trusts you. It's just that weird stuff happens at concerts.
- Boys get urges. - Ew.
Dad, is there something you want?
Yes, there is- to connect with this girl right here.
有 就这个事 来跟你这妹子沟通
Now, come on. Pretend I'm not your dad.
We're just a couple of friends kickin' it in a juice bar.
What's a juice bar?
Okay, a malt shop. Whatever.
好吧 那就茶餐厅吧 随便
- Dad, I don't... - No. Who's Dad?
-爸 我不... -别 谁是你爸啊
Who's Dad? I'm- I'm Marcus from Biology.
Hey, Haley. How's it going with you and Dylan?
Has he tried anything inappropriate with you?
- What are you doing? - I don't know. Nothing.
-在干嘛呢 -不知道 没啥
Just talking to some dork I met in a malt shop.
Hey, Mitchell. What's up?
你好 米奇尔 有事吗
Hey! Just in the hood.
Do you- Do you remember how Mom gave up a career to raise us?
I know, I know. It's weird when we haven't talked for a while.
I mean your hair.
Well, if I can't tell you, who will?
So, Mom wants you to know
that she's very sorry about the incident,
and-and she wants us to forgive her.
How very nice of her to say that through you.
The sarcasm is so hurtful, like a whip.
You know how growing up,
we all have that voice inside our head...
that tells us we're not good enough?
Well, mine was outside my head,
driving me to school.
Mom really wants to smooth everything over with Dad and Gloria.
So I was thinking, uh, would it be okay
if she maybe joined us for dinner tonight?
Because it may be the last time you ever see me.
- Well... - Okay. Wait, Mom.
-这个嘛 -好吧 妈 等等
What are you talking about?
Well, I'm- I'm moving...
to a far and dangerous place.
Canada. But, uh, she met a man named Chas.
加拿大 不过啊 她认识了个叫查斯的男人
- Yeah. - He's a logger.
Uh, like a lumberjack?
No, he logs blood samples into a cholesterol study.
Anyway, until I'm past this whole wedding debacle,
I can't be intimate with him.
We do things to each other.
- We use our hands. - Oh, my Lord.
Oh, my little comet!
Oh, look at you. You're all grown up.
Hmm. Tell Mom that.
She won't even let me go to a concert.
Overnight, with her boyfriend.
What are you laughing at?
Oh, karma's a funny thing, that's all.
- Remember Ricky? - Oh, God.
Ricky was your mother's boyfriend,
and he looked like Charles Manson.
And one night, she didn't come home until 4:00 in the morning.
4:00. Wow. Wow. Mom, what were you and Ricky doing?
4点啊 妈 你当年跟瑞奇干嘛呢
Nothing. We were doing nothing,
and he was a very sweet boy,
which you might have known if you bothered to get to know him.
妈 你当年愿意了解一下的话 就会明白这点
Dylan's a sweet boy.
Dylan. Dylan isn't Ricky.
Ricky- Ricky was a poet.
Dylan writes songs.
And maybe you would know that
"If you bothered to get to know him."
Okay, you know? First of all, I am not my mother.
好吧 首先 我不是我妈妈
I don't judge people before I get a chance to know them.
So you invite Dylan over to dinner tonight,
and if he's as sweet and as kind as you say he is,
then I have no problem considering letting you go to the concert,
after I do a background check on Uncle Toby.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Mom.
谢谢 谢谢 谢谢妈妈
I'm gonna go call him!
That's very revealing.
That's my parenting style.
- No, I meant your blouse. - Mom!
-不 我是说你胸部外露了 -妈
Claire, wait. Come...
Not making this easy.
Claire, come on. Stop, stop, stop.
克莱尔拜托 别这样 别这样
Just let her come to dinner, apologize to Dad and Gloria,
and she and Chas can live happily ever after.
- In Canada. - In Canada.
Wait. Why don't you make her fix this,
instead of you doing it as usual?
Whoa. What's that supposed to mean?
Mom makes a mess, and there's Mitchell to clean it up.
That is so not true.
you're the one with the screwed-up relationship with Mommy-
- With Mom. - Wow.
- "Mommy"! - No, I didn't say it-
-"妈咪" -没 我没这么叫
- Damn it. - Ooh. Fine. Fine.
- She can come, but she's gotta clear it with Daddy. - "Daddy"?
-让她来吧 但她得亲自跟爹地说 -"爹地"
- I did not say "Daddy." - You said "Daddy."
Mitchell, what are you doing here?
Uh, I'm sorry to bother you.
Can I talk to you and Gloria for a second?
She's out dealing with a Manny situation.
He set a kid's bike on fire.
Oh, I might have told him to get even with some kids,
and he went all Rambo with it.
Not my best parenting moment.
Not your worst.
- Uh, well, you know, uh, Mom's in town. - Your mom?
-那个 妈妈回来了 -你妈妈?
No, your mom. She's back from the grave.
不 是你妈妈 她从坟墓里爬出来了
Yes. Yes, my mom, Dad.
My mom would be less scary.
Listen, she's a wreck about what happened at the wedding,
and she wants to come to dinner tonight to apologize to everyone.
Still her little errand boy, I see.
No- Why does everybody keep saying- No.
不 为什么大家都这么说啊 才不是
I- I'm just trying to piece this family back together.
So, you'll talk to Gloria about Mom coming to dinner?
Oh, Gloria would never go for that in a million years.
She's still furious with your mother,
which is why I'm not talking to you.
This conversation never took place.
That's not very nice.
I drove all the way here.
No, you didn't. You were never here.
You never even called.
I would've called,
but I thought it would be better-
What's happening here?
Listen, I would love to get this thing behind us,
but Gloria would never forgive me
if I pulled a fast one on her.
That's why you're going to pull a fast one on her,
and I'm not going to like it one bit.
Okay, that's just great.
No, that's great. So, it's all up to me.
没事 好极了 看来又是我背黑锅了
I can't hear you because you're back home, and I'm taking a nap.
我听不见你 因为你在家里 而我在打瞌睡
- D-Money! There he is. - Hey.
-小迪迪 你可算来啦 -你好
- Come on in. - Hey.
- Hi. - How you doing?
Um- Uh, hey, everybody.
- This is Dylan. - Hey.
- Hi, Dylan. - Hey.
He has a very gentle soul.
You got that from "Hey"?
So, Dylan, see you brought the ax.
- Yeah, yeah. I just came from practice. - Sweet.
-是啊 我刚排练回来 -真棒
Oh, you were in a band?
Could have been, but in high school
I was really all about my magic, so-
Oh, my God. Over.
Oh, that's gonna be Dad and Gloria.
I know it's silly, but...
I'm a little nervous.
Oh. That's not silly. You should be.
- Hola. Hola. - How are you?
- Nice mustache. - Thank you.
Don't make fun. He may burn your house down.
Hi, Jay, Gloria.
杰 歌洛莉亚 你们好
What is she doing here?
What does she mean, "What is she doing here?"
- Mitchell told you I'd be here. - Lies!
I couldn't tell her, because she wouldn't come.
Gloria, uh, my mom wants to apologize for everything.
So you just spring it on Gloria like this?
Mitchell, what the hell is wrong with you?
I don't want her apologies.
Who could blame you, honey?
Which is why this is a terrible idea by you!
Jay. Manny. Let's go.
杰 曼尼 我们走
Oh, wait, wait, Gloria.
I- I just want to tell you
how sorry I am for ruining your wedding.
I was struggling with being alone.
Meanwhile, Jay moves on so easily,
and-and not with just anyone-
and smart and beautiful woman.
I don't expect you to forgive me.
If I were you, I'd want to punch me right in the mouth.
I think we've had enough revenge in this family for one day.
Ah. Okay. Y- You see?
Yeah, we're all gonna move past this, and because of me,
who's not a mama's boy, but is
a caring person with wisdom and emotional insight.
So make a note, bitches.
It's not a good color on you.
I am not prepared for this.
- rip your head off! - What?
- You ruined my wedding! - Oh, no!
Oh! I got Gloria!
- I got Gloria! - Mom, come on.
-我按住歌洛莉亚了 -妈 别这样
Stand up like a big girl. Come on.
站好 都是大人了 别闹了
All right. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it, the two of you.
好了 别闹了 别闹了 都别闹了
- I am so sorry about this. - No, it's cool. It's cool.
-让你见笑了 很抱歉 -没事没事
This is ridiculous. Gloria didn't steal me,
Dede, and you know it.
We grew apart for years,
and you left to find yourself, remember?
I thought I could handle this.
You don't say sorry anymore!
- That word means nothing in your mouth! - I got Gloria.
I don't know what just happened.
I mean, it seems pretty simple to me.
You're reaching out, trying to hold on to something awesome.
Um, maybe- maybe you shouldn't...
Look, look, look. I'm not used to this-
the whole big family thing.
In my house, we don't even talk to each other.
You know, it's funny- the first time I saw Haley,
I knew I liked her.
I mean, she's beautiful and everything,
but it's-it's not just that.
It's that she's got this killer confidence-
you know, the kind of confidence
that you get from having a family like this...
and accepting of hot foreigners...
and gay dudes and nutty people.
a family that actually loves each other.
I can't believe I'm gonna say this,
but maybe we should let her go with him.
Everybody, Haley says that Dylan is a musician,
and he writes some great songs.
- Yeah. - Play something, bro.
-是啊 -老弟 来演奏一曲吧
Well, I guess so, if you want me to.
We could all use a nice tune right now.
This is, uh, actually a song I wrote for Haley.
It's called "In the Moonlight."
- Lovely title, Dylan. - Thanks.
*The stars are falling from the sky*
*And you're the reason why*
*The moon is shining on your face*
*Cause it finally feels*
*It's found its place*
*Cause baby, baby*
*I just wanna do you do you*
*Do you wanna do me, do me*
*Underneath the moonlight the moonlight*
*Maybe I will steal you Uh, steal you*
*Just so I can feel you feel you*
*Maybe that would heal you heal you*
She's so not going.
Not a chance in hell.
*They don't seem to mind*
*The moon is shining on your fa-a-ace*
*And it finally feels it's*
*Found its place 'cause*
*I just wanna do you, do you*
*Baby, you can do me, do me*
*宝贝 你也可以干我 干我*
*And I will do you, do you*
*Maybe it would heal you heal you*
*From the inside*
*- From the inside - From the inside*
*- From the inside - Inside*
Never good at harmonizing.