Do we know anything?
No. They're in there now with the doctor.
We're lucky though.
The paramedics said it could have been a lot worse.
My God, how did this even happen?
There he is. Big day's coming up.
What do you want for your birthday, big dog?
It's okay. I'm good.
Come on. Sky's the limit.
Dream big, my boy.
- Well, I guess I could use a belt. - A belt?
Yeah, you're right. I don't need it.
是啊 你说的对 我根本不需要
Extension cord works pretty good.
Every year, Luke's birthday falls right around Thanksgiving,
and so it gets lost in the holiday shuffle.
One year we forgot completely,
and we had to improvise a cake of stuffing.
Which, by the way, he was fine with.
He's one of those kids,
you get him a gift and all he wants to do is play with the box.
Yeah, one year we actually just got him a box,
a really nice box.
And we made the mistake of putting it in a gift bag.
So he played with the gift bag.
- We can't get it right. - No.
- I feel terrible. We gotta do something. - Oh, yeah.
-我觉得很愧疚 我们得做点什么 -是啊
You know, the family is gonna be together for Thanksgiving...
for the first time in I don't even know how long.
I am so with you. We should blow this out...
and throw Luke the best birthday party of all time.
Yes. Yes. And we'll order a whole bunch of pizzas...
对 对 我们可以订购许多匹萨
and set up an arts and crafts table.
- A what? - A crafts table.
You know, where everybody gathers around
and they make stuff, and then bam!
制作一些小工艺品 然后 砰
They got their own party favor.
Sorry. I fell asleep
while you were describing the most boring party ever.
- See you in a few hours. - Yeah.
Thanks again for the karaoke machine.
I'll get it back to you right after the party.
Please don't. I beg you.
- Don't bring it back. - Okay.
Hey, Phil. Are, uh, you getting a clown for today?
嘿 菲尔 你今天的派对有请小丑吗
Oh, no. Luke's not much of a clown fan.
- Really? - Yeah. He never liked 'em.
-真的吗 -是啊 他从来不喜欢小丑
Has he ever seen a good one?
Really. So anyway, thanks again.
真的 总之 谢谢你们了
Okay. See you later.
- No clown? No- No clown? - Let it go.
-不要小丑 不要小丑吗 -算了吧
Who throws a party without a clown?
Since the late '30s, I'd say most people.
You know what? We haven't gotten Luke a present yet.
Maybe a clown could be our present.
If Phil and Claire wanted to get Luke a clown,
they would've. This is not our party.
- But- - this is not our party.
What would you suggest we get him then, hmm?
Get him a gift card.
- A gift card? - Yeah.
you got any idea how to wrap one of these things?
- Is that a crossbow? - Yeah.
Am I the greatest grandpa in the world or what?
We can't give Luke a crossbow.
He pokes himself in the eye every time he uses a straw.
Are you kidding? I had one when I was his age.
My dad used to give me a quarter for every crow I bagged.
And I used to have a machete.
- But times have changed. - He'll be fine.
I'll teach him how to use it.
Hey, pal, how's it going?
嘿 老弟 过得怎么样
- Oh, boy. - Of course you're charming.
- Who said you were not charming? - No one.
But there's a girl in my school, and I want her to like me.
- I need your advice, Jay. - Really?
-我需要你的建议 杰 -真的吗
She's gonna be at Luke's party.
Well, I'm a little thrown.
I mean, you don't usually come to me for advice.
Well, this is one area in which you've done pretty well.
I've tried everything to get her attention-
opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria.
- Nothing's worked. - Here's the deal.
Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff.
They go for power and success.
And since you don't have either one of those things,
you're gonna be the funny guy.
No, no, no. I want the most dangerous reptile you've got.
I have an iguana that eats crickets.
That'd be scary if it was a birthday party for crickets.
Seriously, Jungle Tanya,
I need you step it up a notch.
Is there anything that scares the cocoa out of you?
Uh, not really. I do have a bearded dragon.
- Ooh. Does it- - No, it does not breathe fire.
-是吗 它会.. -不 它不会喷火
Well, then we're back to square one, aren't we?
I couldn't get Luke out of my mind.
I know I made a promise to Mitchell,
but some things are bigger than promises.
Fizbo would be at that party.
Hello, old friend.
It all happened so fast.
there was something I could've done.
No, don't blame yourself.
Who could've possibly seen it coming?
Sweetie, that's a rock wall. Is that even safe?
亲爱的 那是道攀岩墙 那安全吗
- Oh, my God. - Honey, relax.
-老天啊 -亲爱的 放心
Hey, has anyone ever gotten hurt on one of these things?
- I don't know, man. It's my first day. - See?
-我不知道 今天是我第一天上班 -瞧
They wouldn't let the new guy do it if it-
- That did not make me feel better. - Don't worry.
I signed, like, a hundred releases.
When did we decide all this? I think it's too much.
See, I knew you'd say that.
That's why I didn't tell you.
So just relax. Grab a snow cone.
- There's a snow cone machine? - Yeah.
Mom, just so you know, Dylan cannot have mayonnaise.
妈 记住 迪兰不能吃蛋黄酱
That's random. Why are you telling me that?
- 'Cause he's coming to the party. - Is that absolutely necessary?
Yes, because she can't go 10
minutes without her boyfriend's tongue in her mouth.
It's like he's feeding a baby bird.
Don't be so jealous.
I'm sure you'll meet someone super hot at computer camp.
- Girls. - Hey. Hey.
-姑娘们 -嘿 别闹了
So, what you got there?
These are supplies for the crafts table.
I finally figured out what we're gonna be making.
- Kids bored? - I'm teasing. I'm teasing.
-让孩子们无聊吗 -我开玩笑的 玩笑
It looks good. What is it?
But we made them when I was 11 years old
at Donna Rigby's birthday party.
At first we thought it was really stupid,
and then we had a blast, so-
How could you not?
You combined the two things that kids love the most-
Where's my comb? Oh!
Here it is in my incredibly convenient beaded comb sheath...
that I made at Luke's awesome birthday party.
Hole in one, Mrs. Dunphy.
I got Luke a video game, but it's about math.
So I guess we're those kind of uncles.
I've known I wanted to be a clown...
since I found out clowns were just people with makeup.
Um, as a matter of fact, by the time I was a teenager,
if I wasn't in school or fishin', I was clownin'.
There are four types of clowns
a tramp, an Auguste,
a whiteface and a character.
I am a classically trained Auguste clown
- What? N-Nothing.
Between the clownin' and the fishin',
I'm surprised you had time for the schoolin'.
Aw, and there's the fifth type- the sad clown.
Sad clown is a tramp. So there's still only four types.
Cam, I thought we discussed this.
We did. But I- I started thinking.
And this isn't about you or me.
This is about a little boy who deserves some happiness.
And he's gonna get that from his weird gay clown uncle?
Fizbo is not gay. He's asexual.
He's an innocent whose only drive...
is to bring people joy and laughter
and balloon animals.
He's- He's the least sexual being on earth.
Oh, okay. Well, at least we agree on something.
If this tape is found in the future,
- this is how we humans celebrated birthdays. - Hey, Dad!
Yeah, there's my boy. Zip-line extreme-
瞧 那是我的乖儿子 高空滑索
I'm okay. I'm good. I'm good.
我没事 我没事 我很好
Lesson learned. Don't stand- Don't stand there.
Let's go ahead and rope this area off.
Excellent. Thank you.
Hey, buddy, you having fun?
嘿 小老弟 玩得开心吗
Yeah. And I love my new belt.
Do you wanna make a comb sheath?
It's a cool leather holder for your comb.
And you can decorate it.
I've got beads and glitter and all kinds of stuff.
- Do you want to? - Nah. I'm gonna do the rock wall.
-你想试试吗 -不 我去玩攀岩墙了
Okay, honey. It's your day.
Honey, let me know if you get low on supplies.
亲爱的 如果你材料不够了 记得通知我
I'll make a quick run back to the 1950s for you.
Seriously, zip-line guys, use some ropes.
说真的 负责滑索的人 用绳子圈一下
Did you remember to switch the whites to the dryer?
- Oh, no. I forgot. - They're gonna smell musty.
-没有 我忘了 -到时肯定一股霉味
- I know. I'm sorry. - I'll pump.
-我知道 我很抱歉 -我来加油吧
No, no, no. I'll do it. You stay right here.
不不不 我来吧 你坐在车里
- Relax. - Oh. I get it.
-放轻松 -哦 我懂了
- You're worried about people seeing me. - Without question.
You know, people are gonna stare.
They're not used to seeing one clown in a car.
That's her- Bianca Douglas.
She has good handwriting.
She's a complete package. Wish me luck.
You don't need luck.
You just remember those jokes I told you, hmm?
We have to stop meeting like this.
- What? - We go to school together.
- Oh, yeah. - Do you like jokes?
- Sure. - Great. Ok.
-当然 -很好 听着
So a grasshopper named Gary walks into a bar.
You're not supposed to know his name.
Let me try another one, okay?
- Knock, knock. - Who's there?
- Interrupting cow. - Interrupting cow who?
- Um, hey. - Hey yourself.
- Move. - You kind of just bumped me with your car.
No. No, you did, because, um-
不 你确实碰到了 因为
See, yeah, I got grease on my pants
- and then also I felt it. - Call an ambulance.
Okay. I just thought you might wanna know...
in case you wanted to be a decent human being and apologize, but-
Just forget about it, all right?
- Listen, carrottop. I didn't touch you. - Um, I-
-听着 红毛鬼 我没碰到你 -我
So do the smart thing. Shut your hole,
get in your car and drive away.
Is there a problem here?
What the hell are you?
I'm the ass-kicking clown...
that'll twist you like a balloon animal.
I will beat your head against this bumper
until the air bags deploy.
So apologize to my boyfriend right now!
立刻 向我男友 道歉
- Apologize? Boyfriend? - Apologize!
-道歉 男友 -道歉
Let's go. We're gonna be late.
Mind if I come in?
- Why you bounce so sad? - I told all my jokes.
It turns out I'm not the funny guy.
The right girl will find you when it's time,
even though I'm gonna hate losing you to another woman.
You'll never lose me, Mom.
I'll always love you, no matter what.
You see? Right there.
You need no tricks.
Just be the sweet, wonderful little boy that you are.
Sweet little boy. Got it.
- She won't know what hit her. - Vaya para all!
Hey, Manny, wanna make a sweet comb sheath?
嘿 曼尼 想做过可爱的梳套吗
Could not be a worse time, Claire.
Oh. It's so peaceful and quiet over here.
Ha-ha. If you came over here to gloat,
哈 哈 如果你是来幸灾乐祸的
I already know it's a dud.
Actually, I came to give you this.
It's your favorite flavor- blue.
- And your hair looks really nice. Hmm. - Thanks.
I've been combing it all day.
All right, let's all give Luke a big hand for being so brave.
This feels so weird. What does it eat?
Oh, just little boy brains.
Well, at least Luke's got nothing to worry about.
- Is there mayo in this? - No. You're good.
-里面有蛋黄酱吗 -没有 放心吃吧
So I was thinking that maybe we could go slip away-
So, does anyone wanna pet the iguana?
- Hells, yeah. Oh, man. - Over here! Me! Me!
-当然了 天啊 -这边 我 我
- What's his name? - Her name is Lizzy.
Wow. I totally get that.
You don't deserve this.
- What? - Hot reptile chick.
You know, probably has her own apartment,
obviously okay touching gross stuff.
- They're just talking. - You're right.
Dylan's far too sophisticated to get sucked in...
by a single lady with tons of cool tattoos.
Hey. I think it peed on me.
- Oh, no. - No way, Mother Nature.
-不 -别啊 大自然的小精灵
I can't believe he does that.
Hey, what am I missing, guys?
嘿 我错过什么了 伙计们
Aw, geez, Gloria.
Jay, look! I go high! Look! Look!
杰 看啊 我跳得好高 看啊看啊
Guys, hit the road. Come on.
伙计们 该滚蛋了 快点
You're family men. Come on. Scat.
你们都是有家室的男人 快 散开
Great job, buddy.
Now comes the fun part. Rappel down.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself...
But I'm right here, buddy.
Okay, just catch me.
I am brave. Roller coasters? Love 'em.
我很勇敢 过山车 爱死了
Scary movies? I've seen Ghostbusters, like, seven times.
I regularly drive through neighborhoods...
that have only recently been gentrified.
So yeah, I'm pretty much not afraid of anything.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, everybody!
Quit your clownin' around. That's my job.
Never shared that with the fam, so... shh.
我从未告诉过家人们这一点 所以 嘘
Do have an image to maintain.
I am not really sure where the fear comes from.
My mother says it's because when I was a kid,
I found a dead clown in the woods, but who knows?
Hey. Oh. Well, you must be the birthday boy.
Is that you, Uncle Cam?
No. I'm Fizbo the clown.
I don't know who this Uncle Cam is,
but he sure sounds handsome, doesn't he?
- Hey, who likes balloon animals? - I do! I do!
-谁喜欢气球拧的动物 -我 我
It's just Cam. It's just Cam.
- You all right? - What? Yeah.
-你还好吧 -什么 当然了
Just have kind of a complicated relationship with clowns.
Well, join the club.
Look, I came on strong with that whole funny guy bit.
This is me just being myself.
Okay. Hey, do you know who that boy is over there?
Oh. That's Dylan. He's Haley's boyfriend.
He's so cute and tall.
I'm still growing. Give me a break.
Pardon me, miss, but this little doggy needs a new home.
不好意思 小姐 这只小狗需要一个新家
That's quite an impressive getup you got there.
Thank you, Jay. Oh, by the way,
谢谢 杰 噢 对了
you have something on your shoulder.
Never mind. It was nothing.
So, do you keep these at a zoo or something?
- No. I just keep 'em at my place. - That's awesome.
-不 都放在我家里 -真棒
I only have a cat.
Yeah? I used to have a cat.
I was just messing with you before,
but seriously, he's still talking to her.
- Wow. Cool. - On it.
-哇 好凉啊 -姐这就出马
- You know, this is one of- - I feel like Britney Spears.
-其实 这是... -我感觉像布兰妮一样
You kind of do look like Britney Spears.
- Really? - I'm just kidding.
Anyway, this is probably my favorite.
I think- I think one of your bugs got out.
This box thing here- It's on its side.
- Oh, my God. Where did it go? - Is everything okay?
-老天啊 跑哪儿去了 -没事吧
No. I lost a poisonous scorpion, and I need to find it.
不 我丢了一只毒蝎子 我得找到它
Okay, kids, let's all tuck our pants into our socks.
Avoid shady, moist places,
and let's make a game of looking where we step.
- Is he okay? - Can we see him?
He's in with the doctor right now.
These things happen, right?
No matter how careful you are.
Hey, look what Grandpa gave me- a crossbow.
嘿 瞧瞧外公送了我什么 十字弓
- Sweetie, that does not look safe. - Don't worry.
-宝贝 那东西看着不安全啊 -别担心
He's gonna show me how to use it.
That's what... I'm afraid of.
Come on. Ready?
Oh, my God. You are not making comb sheaths.
噢 老天 你不会是在做梳套吧
I am, and I know. It's really lame.
我就是的 我知道的 又老套又无趣
Everybody hates it.
No. It's just like, uh, Donna Rigby's party.
Exactly! Yes! And I have the beads and everything.
就是啊 太对了 我这边小珠子什么的都有
Amazing. This is awesome.
So... Cam's a clown.
- I totally got you. - And there's mine.
You think it's weird
- that we both chose people who were so- uninhibited?
I was gonna say "Embarrassing," But yeah.
Look at them now. They're the life of the party.
Uh, you know, I gotta say, for all his craziness,
I love my clown.
Me too. They're good for us.
I would've totally tanked this party.
And I would've gotten my butt kicked at a gas station.
- Sorry? - Turns out Fizbo is a real bad-ass.
Scorpion! Scorpion! Scorpion!
蝎子 有蝎子 有蝎子
No, no. Too close. Too close. Too close.
不不不 靠得太近 离我太近
- Calm down. - What happened?
We fired the crossbow.
No, I know. Oh, my God. It's right there.
不 我知道的 天啊 射中蹦床了
Bianca, I'm coming.
- Who else is in there? - Get out!
It turns out I'm not the sweet guy or the funny guy.
No, Manny, don't go in! Por favor!
不 曼尼 别进去 千万不要
Manny Delgado is a man of action.
Wait. My dog is still in there.
I'll be right back.
- What happened, buddy? - What happened?
-怎么了 小老弟 -出什么事了
What happened, honey?
Hey, hey. What happened?
嘿 嘿 怎么回事
- I slipped on these stupid beads. - Oops.
Come on. Here we go.
- Oh, he's gonna be fine. - Ay, Dios mio.
Hi, honey. How are you, kid?
小宝贝 你怎么样啊 孩子
- Oh, there he is. - Pobrecito.
Wow. Everybody's here.
Of course we are. How's that busted flipper?
- Okay. - Sorry about today, buddy.
-没事 -今天的事真遗憾 小老弟
We'll try again next year, huh?
Are you kidding? This was the best birthday ever.
- What? - I got a cast.
- You like a cast? - I've always wanted one.
- After a few weeks, they start to smell. -Ew!
-几周后 里面就会发臭 -恶
You are so weird, you know that?
- Can I sign it? - Sure.
- Hey. Me first. - Here.
-嘿 我先来 -这边
If you'd asked me before the party...
if I wanted there to be a chain reaction of disasters...
that led to Luke breaking his arm, I probably would've said no.
- Probably? - Prob- Definite- Definitely not.
-可能吗 -可...绝对 绝对不希望
Would not want that.
But, one way or another,
Luke was the center of attention on his birthday,
and the whole family was together...
just the way it should be.
Fizbo delivery! I brought the cake!
Oh, God. I'm out.
Blow the candles. Blow the candles.
Bianca Douglas called me three times tonight.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
I'm starting to feel smothered.
I really like my cast, but it's starting to itch.
Good thing my mom made me this personal scratcher.
Oh, that's good stuff.
If another woman is messing with your man,
you have to get proactive.
I don't care how pretty she is
or how many stupid reptiles she has.
She tries to take what's mine,
girlfriend's gonna get stung.