A few times a year, there was a dedicated day
where my school was closed.
This allowed the teachers to catch up
on their administrative duties.
While I was normally against a break from learning,
I did applaud the Medford faculty's commitment
- to our education. - Oh, man.
- How great is this place without kids in it? - I heard that.
On one of those days,
I got to spend time with my mom at her job.
Did you write that?
- You betcha. - Instead of puns,
have you considered composing a humorous palindrome?
It's a phrase that reads the same backwards as forwards.
For example, "Do geese see God?"
Trust me. Both ways.
Some other good ones are radar, level, kayak.
其他正反拼写都一样的例子有 雷达 水平 小艇
That's a funny word. Kayak.
Never get me in one.
So what's the plan?
How will I be entertained all day?
I thought you could be my little helper.
I prefer executive assistant. Carries more weight.
Fine. You stay here, I'm gonna go talk to Pastor Jeff.
行 你乖乖待着 我去跟杰夫牧师说个话
"Mom" is also a palindrome. M-O-M.
Good morning, Peg.
Any morning you wake up is a good morning.
Good morn-- oh, it's dark in here.
I need you to use your words.
My marriage is over.
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
♪ 世上没人比我强壮 ♪
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
♪ 昨天我移了一座山 ♪
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
♪ 我相信我能当你的英雄 ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
♪ 我是个了不起的小家伙 ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
♪ 我是个了不起的小家伙 ♪
We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore.
In the '50s, people had separate beds.
Lucy and Ricky did it. Their marriage worked.
I-I'm sure it's just a rough patch.
Well, if there's any way I can make your life easier,
Thank you, Mary. I really appreciate it.
谢谢你 玛丽 感谢你的慷慨
Oh, I almost forgot, um, Sheldon's here with me today.
Hey, little man. How you doing?
You smell like cigarettes.
Do you know what this binder is?
It's a record of donations people make to the church.
This data could easily be transferred
into a computerized spreadsheet.
You also smell like mothballs and Ben-Gay.
I hope you don't mind, I invited Pastor Jeff for dinner.
I was talking to your father.
What's the occasion?
No occasion, just thought it'd be nice.
His wife coming, too?
They having problems?
He's just coming to dinner. That's all.
You two having problems?
Pastor Jeff's wife is so much prettier than him.
It's like Barbie married a turtle.
Hey. Here's a fun idea:
how about you and Sheldon have dinner
- at Meemaw's tonight? - All right.
They are a weird-looking couple.
You want to eat at my mom's, too?
Oh, come on. You got eyes.
Pastor, would you like to lead us in grace?
Heavenly Father, thank you for this food.
I pray that it nourishes and strengthens us,
and bless Mary for preparing it.
And thank you for the Coopers
who have invited me into their loving home.
They are a shining example of what a marriage can be.
One that I hope to have again someday.
- Amen. - And please give me the strength...
The strength to walk this road
with unconditional love and joy in my heart.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Dang, this place is nice.
That's because it was supposed to be a date.
Cool. My first date.
Meemaw, I've been going through the church records,
and I noticed you haven't made a donation in quite a long time.
Why are you going through the records?
I'm an executive assistant.
- Good for you. - You see,
God and I have a deal. And when he helps me win big
at the casino, I give him a cut.
And lately, he has not been holding up his part of the bargain.
"Steak aw poyver with fritties"?
What's a crock monster?
It's croque monsieur,
and it's really just a grilled cheese sandwich with ham.
There's lemon in this water.
So, uh, who do you think the Oilers are gonna take in the draft?
Oh, I don't really follow sports.
I'm just gonna eat.
What's he doing here? Y'all getting a divorce?
No. No, he's just here for dinner.
没 没有啦 他只是来吃顿晚饭
Oh. Welcome, Your Holiness.
I thought you were hanging out with Veronica tonight.
We were supposed to, but then she invited a bunch
of her choir friends over,
and it turned into a stupid Bible study.
- No offense. - None taken.
Honestly, I do not understand the female mind.
Georgie, why don't you go eat dinner in front of the TV?
No, it's all right. Sounds like Georgie's having trouble
不用 没事 感觉小乔治碰到了麻烦
navigating the perilous waters of a relationship.
Believe me, I can understand.
You having problems with your hot wife?
Maybe I'll go eat by the TV.
I'm liking my crock monster.
I can't taste anything after the lemon water.
I'm glad y'all are having a good time.
Where we having dinner tomorrow?
Dr. Sturgis and I are going to Louisiana, do a little gambling.
So a donation could be forthcoming?
It's my first time going to a casino.
It's amazing. There's bright lights and bells and buzzers
and people yelling.
Veronica says I'm the nicest guy she knows.
She also says she only wants to date nice guys.
- Does that mean she wants to date me? - I bet she doesn't.
No, she does not. Doesn't make any sense.
Nothing they do makes any sense.
- I know... - At least he's not crying anymore.
Devil's got something to do with it.
Mary, George, I can't thank you enough for this.
玛丽 乔治 我真是太谢谢你们了
It was our pleasure.
So, Pastor, are you gonna try and talk things out with Selena?
Well, we're really not on speaking terms,
so I'll just be heading back to my office, sleep on the couch.
That's ridiculous. He can stay with us, can't he?
Uh, I guess that'd be okay.
Of course it would.
I couldn't possibly impose.
In fact, you can take my room.
Well, y'all are too kind.
- Hello. - Oh. Did y'all have a good time?
- Yes. - It was great.
Oh, Mom, Pastor Jeff is gonna be spending the night.
If the kids could sleep at your place?
What? What's wrong?
The pastor's up making tea.
What, you want me to blow on it?
Maybe you could give him a male perspective on relationship issues.
What if I close my eyes and pray on it?
Oh, hi. I hope I didn't wake you.
Uh, no, no. Just... get-getting some water.
Can I fix you some chamomile?
Hey, uh, does the Bible say anything
about heartache and such?
Psalm 147, verse three:
"The Lord healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
Well, there you go-eth.
Except I'm feeling kicked in the nethers right now,
and he sure is taking his sweet time with the healing.
He takes his sweet time about a lot of things.
Uh, not that I'm complaining.
You know, his will, not mine, et cetera.
是祂的意旨 不是我的 诸如此类的
You know, one thing I can say is that
having a happy marriage is-- it's hard work.
Oh, I know. As the pastor, people come to me
我知道 作为牧师 人们常来找我
with relationship problems all the time.
Bet you hear some juicy ones, huh?
"Juicy" doesn't begin to describe it.
- Oh... give me a sample. - I can't.
There's strict pastor-flock confidentiality.
Mary doesn't tell you things about us, does she?
I'm... not at liberty to say.
But she does, doesn't she?
These people clearly don't know what ten percent means.
What are you talking about?
This is the list of all the people who belong
to the church and how much money they donate.
Dorothy and Fred Nelson gave a dollar last week.
- So? - They own the Piggly Wiggly.
They can afford to give much more.
You say "Piggly Wiggly" and suddenly I'm hungry.
You're drinking in the morning now?
What? Oh, look at that.
Hey, I haven't seen the pastor. He go home?
He hasn't come out of Georgie's room.
Maybe he found Georgie's magazines.
He's a man of God.
I have stories. Come back here.
- It's my favorite table. - Oh, hey, Connie.
-这是我最喜欢的赌桌 -康妮 你好呀
Chip me for a deuce.
How's your daughter doing?
Oh, surgery went great.
Her daughter got kicked by a horse.
- They had to pin a couple of bones together. - Oh, my.
She won't be stealing any more horses for a little while.
- Your usual, Connie? - Yeah.
-跟平常一样吗 康妮 -对
John, you want something?
I would like a Fresca, please.
- Got it, hon. - Connie.
-没问题 亲 -康妮
Duke-North Carolina's about to start. Want a piece?
Yeah, baby. Give me the points on Duke for a nickel.
要 宝贝 帮我下五分买公爵赢
- All right. - A nickel. That's a silly bet.
-好的 -五分钱 赌这么小太傻了
A thousand nickels. Less silly.
this is a side of you I've never... seen before.
You're all right with it, aren't you?
When are you gonna give that man your $50?
Don't worry about it. Hit me.
I'm a little worried.
Everything all right in there?
I've just been praying, napping, crying.
I like to mix it up.
Well, how's it going?
I have this feeling inside that I should head home.
Well, then you got to honor that feeling, that's God.
You're right. You want to come with?
Do you really want me there
while you patch things up with your wife?
She's less likely to throw any steak knives if we have company.
Um... if you think it'll help, I suppose...
Great, let's hit it.
Hello, is this the Nelson residence?
Oh, good. I'm Sheldon Cooper,
the executive assistant secretary
at the First Baptist Church of Medford.
I'm looking through our donation records,
and I've noticed that you've tapered off a bit.
Well, yes, your children's education is expensive,
but so is running a church.
I'll be sure to tell the pastor. Goodbye.
That earned a sip of Yoo-hoo.
Okay. Who's next?
Wendy and Bill Mackenzie.
Of Mackenzie Chevrolet?
Now those are what we call "Deep pockets."
Pat here, double the ten, and split the aces.
这堆不叫 这堆双倍下注 这里分牌
I found an old-fashioned malt shop
where we can have milkshakes and listen to the jukebox,
like I never did in high school.
Yeah, great. Not now, John.
很好 现在先别烦我 约翰
Okay, well, I was just hoping we could do something together.
For God's sake, John. I'm getting my ass kicked here!
老天 约翰 我这边输得一塌糊涂了
Oh, Felicia, you're killing me.
Chip me another deuce.
Ooh. Big TV, fancy.
"Con amor, Selena."
"Life is too short to be married to a loser.
- Well, that's kind of a mixed message. - Yeah.
Oh, I couldn't tell you how much to give.
But I can tell you the Stuckeys stepped up
for a thousand dollars.
Well, you need to give what's comfortable for you.
And of course, I don't need to remind you,
it's entirely tax deductible.
And at the next pancake breakfast,
you can hold your head high.
Thank you. That's very generous.
The pancake line closed it.
We are so going to heaven.
I don't understand why God would tell me to go home
just to find out my wife left me.
Not that he needs me to defend him,
but in God's defense, he didn't say she'd be there.
Mary, I hate to say this,
but I think it's time for me to move on.
I thought even as a teenager, I'd been called
to preach the word of God, but maybe that was just my ego.
Maybe I'm not meant to do this.
- Don't say that. You're a great preacher. - Thank you.
-别这么说 你是个优秀的牧师 -谢谢你
But it's clear. I need to trod a new path.
Well, what would you do? Trodding wise.
Maybe work with my hands amongst men, on an oil rig,
or a fishing trawler.
I also know how to blow glass.
I could turn a pretty penny at swap meets.
Those all sound like solid options.
Oh, red light, red light!
Tell you what, Jody.
Why don't you go upstairs to your daddy's bedroom,
and see how much is in his wallet?
Don't worry, it's not stealing if it's for God.
- What are y'all up to? - Just helping Mom with some church work.
Well, aren't you two great kids.
We like to think so.
Really? That much?
I think I need to apologize.
- I know you do. - I'm very sorry.
Sometimes when things aren't going my way,
I just get a little cranky.
- May I ask you a personal question? - Sure.
Does your gambling constitute a problem?
Come on. Let me take you out to dinner.
Don't forget that you promised Sheldon
if you won, you'd donate to the church.
You want to see me get cranky again?
- No, I don't. - Well, let's go strap on some bibs and eat lobster.
So you're over at First Baptist Church, huh?
I'm new in this area.
I've been looking for a church.
Well, you're in luck. It's a wonderful congregation,
and this man right here is our beloved pastor.
Oh. Are you his wife?
Oh, no, I'm church secretary. He's actually single.
不 我是教会的秘书 他单身呢
- Well, technically... - He's single.
Well, I'll try to come by sometime.
Tomorrow's Sunday. He'll be speaking.
All right. Maybe I'll see y'all tomorrow.
You have a nice day.
Aren't you gonna give me a ticket?
Do you want a ticket?
He does not. Thank you, Officer.
他不想 谢谢 警官
- Pastor? - Yeah?
You were saying you don't understand
why God told you to go home. You get it now?
I pray you all had a blessed and prosperous week.
I'm excited to share with you
what the Lord put on my heart for today.
I'm surprised you're here this morning.
Hey. I got to support my pal.
The renewal of faith is something that happens over and over.
- When you have faith... - You need to move fast, Officer.
-但你拥有信仰 -你得快点行动 警官
He's not gonna be on the market for long.
- Roger that. - For so many months,
our little parish has been struggling financially.
But by the grace of God and his provision,
we have received the most donations in church history!
So it's all Jesus, we don't get any credit?
- We need to start our own church. - They don't pay taxes.
It's a very sound business model.
Say amen when you get there, huh?