God! Absolutely blotto last night.
You... You don't remember what I told you?
Okay, seriously, dude.
I think you might have a drinking problem.
Like, you need to go to church basements and shit.
Oh, my God. Okay, um...
I am... so sorry, but, uh...
Sweetheart, your dad died.
I know. Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
我懂的 天啊 我很遗憾
I... I don't know what to say.
Do you want to talk about it?
I was kidding. I totally remembered.
Yeah. You told me last night.
You're not getting that one back.
I stole one, dummy.
Jimmy! You do not need to steal blow jobs.
Yeah, but you know how amazing free food tastes.
Seriously, are you okay?
Your dad died. That's a big deal.
Yes, I am absolutely fine.
I feel... nothing about it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Thank God that's over.
Do you want to do, uh, one of those Korean gel masks?
- Not really. - I got a snail one.
It's supposed to be extra goopy.
I made my special heart pancakes,
because we love you, Jimmy.
- We really do. - What kind of jank-ass hearts are these?
That one looks like a butt.
Sorry. It was... it was kind of a rough night.
Uh, but later this afternoon,
have my consultation with the chief of staff at the VA.
Yeah, chiefs'll do that sometimes.
Can I get some sticky sauce for these pan-butts or what?
Do you know, I actually just read something interesting about PTSD?
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, it turns out in World War I,
-是吗 -是啊 我发现在一战的时候
the official term for "PTSD" Was "Cowardice,"
- and you were shot for it. - That is interesting.
How are you holding up, Jimmy?
My guinea pig died.
I couldn't jack off for, like, half a day.
I'm telling you guys-- false alarm.
He truly doesn't give a shit.
Look, when a relationship
has been virtually non-existent for 33 years,
we're not talking about a major tectonic shift.
Nothing has changed.
I still have exactly zero off-track bettors
with IBS in my daily life.
I almost wish I knew more dead people.
I think funerals are hella sexy.
All right, everybody out. I have work to do.
行了 大家都走吧 我还要工作
Jimmy's dad died, and he doesn't care.
- Yes? - I'm going to have a baby.
What's happening? Is Lindsay processing thought?
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. - And when I'm old,
my kid will have a feeling about me dying.
Oh, my God, she's doing it.
I want my kids to be sad when I die.
- Yes? - So I need to be a good... A good...
- This is really happening. - A good...
It almost had it.
I should probably sign up for one of those stupid classes
Becca's always yammering about.
Uh, yeah. What's up?
Big writing day ahead of me.
I need you to get all my usual writing snacks
from the British specialty store.
Wallenger's choco-knockers, tartar biscuits,
and then all your standard candies,
lemingtons, fluffingtons, rum Christophers,
莱明顿蛋糕 弗拉芬顿饼 朗姆饼
salted licorice knib knobs.
I'm not mad, Felix.
No, and when you constantly accuse me of being mad,
you deny my right of actually being goddamn mad at you.
No, I'm not "therapizing" you, all right?
不 我不是在对你进行心理分析 好吗
I-I'll call you later.
What's up? Give me a cigarette. Who was that?
还好吗 给我根烟 刚刚是谁啊
What that your shitty boyfriend with his cargo shorts?
None of your business.
So, I told Jimmy his dad died, like you told me to,
and he said that he feels nothing, and then he stole a beej,
which is a pretty good heckle, actually.
- Is there a question? - Nope.
I just wanted you to know that you were wrong.
Jimmy can say he's fine all he wants,
but sooner or later, his dad's death is gonna hit him,
and when it does, you're gonna have to be there for him.
When? We're going on a rad cruise.
Are you saying this could come out on the rad cruise?
Sure. Yes, it could happen on the rad cruise.
当然 对 可能会在极致巡游途中发生
What's the rad cruise?
No, I don't want to know. I mean, I do want to...
不 我不想知道 我是说我想...
Never mind. So you're telling me
I need to help him get it all out now,
just pop it like a pimple.
No, that is not how humans work.
Hoo-hoo, there, there, we'll be done by Wheel.
Of Fortune. Seven years in school? Really?
《幸运之轮》节目啊 上学七年 不是吧你
Gretchen, Jimmy has got to go through his grieving process.
It's not gonna happen on your exact schedule.
I think I'm gonna do it my way.
Thanks for nothing.
Your boyfriend... sucks.
Simon's sisters and Kitty sprawled on the carpet,
watching Top of the Pops, their bums in the air.
From his perch on the coach, Simon noted
that while Cynthia and Patsy had gotten quite porcine,
Kitty's bottom had an almost otherworldly lift,
as if in the process of being raptured
for being too perfect to dwell any longer on Earth.
What's wrong with me?
and I still haven't perfected the bum metaphor.
- My fingers hurt. - My dad died.
At least you know where he is.
Edgar, I need sustenance. Where are my snacks?
埃德加 我需要食物 我的零食在哪里
Uh, sorry, Jimmy. There was some police activity near the store.
抱歉 吉米 商店附近有什么警务活动
That's my last food!
I've been thinking about it all day,
and you really need to cry, Jimmy.
- My therapist says it's very... - Gretchen,
the sheer breadth of my labyrinthian abstruse psychological composition
cannot possibly be second-handedly grasped
by some Long Beach Community College graduate
who deals with the... tragically maladroit all day.
None taken, because I do not know that word.
Just give me the afternoon.
We'll do some super-sad shit,
you'll poop out some tears and we'll be home by Wheel.
It won't work. I feel nothing!
But fine. Let's go.
Work day's already a disaster.
I don't know why I'm suddenly blocked.
I'm rewriting the same paragraph over and over.
Killswitch, while I'm out,
copy edit the chapter where Simon watches Kitty bathe
after the trip-hop concert.
Oh, and for the love of God,
finally learn how to spell "Anilingus," will you?!
You never say "Thank you."
That's what the money's for!
I'm so glad we're gonna learn how to be a family.
But we're already a family.
You can't just have two people in a family, Paul.
Name one family that's two people.
We have to learn how to be good parents,
so that when we're old, they'll take good care of us.
Plus, you're so accident-prone.
You turned into my knife,
and it's taken, like, forever
for your skin to grow back together.
Dogs heel, Paul.
- Nerds! - Oh, my God.
I still can't believe you're keeping it.
Oh, Rebecca, you josher.
Such a bummer about the timing though.
By the time it comes flopping out,
our entire family's gonna be so babied out,
your poor little lump's not gonna get any attention.
You're just mad I didn't get all fat like you.
You're barely pregnant.
Yo, dingus, help me gaffle some of these brews.
喂 阿呆 帮我偷点啤酒
Becca's being a cooze and doesn't want me to drink
so I actually pay attention.
Anyway, pretend like you got to go drop a dook,
grab, like, four of them dummies,
leave 'em in the toilet tank for me,
Nothing gets this pimp through a dumb baby class like toilet beer.
Hello, mommies and daddies.
So, last week we covered birth plans
and how pretty much everyone poops during labor.
So today we're gonna practice
some real-life skills.
Everybody come and grab a baby doll. Come on.
Emotions are dangerous, Gretchen.
Think about it, the most emotional movie characters always die.
Kane from Citizen Kane.
The wife from Up.
on the bottom deck of the Titanic.
And the ones who survive in movies:
- Chappie. - Those are all robots.
Yeah, exactly. No emotions.
Just cold circuitry and a thirst for revenge.
I don't really know why you guys insist on sitting in the backseat.
I'm not an Uber.
Yeah, damn right you're not.
Oh, almost forgot. Give us your car booze.
Guys, I really have to get to my VA appointment.
Fine. But when you're done with your stupid thing,
you're giving us a ride home.
Come on. A little wah-wah,
death is sad, and then you're done.
Pretend one of these is your dad's grave.
The problem is death doesn't bother me.
I'm not upset by the inevitable.
It's like being upset by the weather
or by an Irishman proving untrustworthy.
Real live dead person.
Come on. Maybe it'll stir something up.
...with so many questions and so few answers.
But it would be a mistake to think of today as a sad day.
Charlotte, if you would please step forward.
Our Father, who art in heaven...
Jimmy, am I... Jimmy, am I crazy
吉米 吉米 是我疯了
or is this funeral hella sexy?
I don't know where that fetish came from,
but it is absolutely...
Oh, my God, you're right.
It's like the funeral from November Rain.
Wait! Make sure to pull out. I can't get pregnant.
等等 务必记得拔出来 我不能怀孕
Your dad might be floating around right now,
looking for a body to reincarnate.
It's not a real baby!
Okay, we got a little distracted at that last place.
But this is it: living fathers with their kids.
That is some straight-up "Cat's in the Cradle" shit right there.
Plus, look at my dope maze.
Usually, I'm a master of all art forms --
writing, music, quips,
写作 音乐 警句
mixed media collage --
but, for some reason, I am creatively blocked.
A sun wearing sunglasses.
Doesn't even make sense.
He's too bright for his own eyes?
It's because you need to cry it out.
Maybe you're right.
I don't even know what to do with you anymore!
Maybe he'll rage-kick a garbage can,
remind you of your dad. Go.
I will give it a go.
What you workin' on, buddy?
I don't know what to do, man.
It's hard to communicate with them, yeah?
Like you don't even recognize yourself in them.
because he's a little clumsy,
a little too artsy-fartsy,
because he broke a blood vessel in his eye crying at My Girl.
He's legitimately a bad person.
Like, my son is an awful human being.
- What? - He set up a bunch of Facebook accounts to cyberbully me.
Hey, this bitch is bothering me.
You trying to hit on my dad, twink?
Jimmy, turns out this kid sucks.
You suck! What kind of adults go
to a paint-your-own-pottery place anyway?
- Don't go... - Shut up, Greg.
-别走 -闭嘴 格雷格
I wish you would call me Dad.
Well, I wish you'd suck my dick.
Oh, hey, emotion check.
Actually, I think I felt something that time.
We're thawing your cold, dead heart.
Hurry up! We got one more stop on the sadness tour.
Okay. Let me call an Edgar.
We're ready to go.
And I sincerely hope you've got our car booze.
Sorry, Jimmy, I can't come. My car broke down.
抱歉吉米 我来不了了 我的车坏了
Oh, well, that's not a surprise.
Piece of shit with no auxiliary plug or car booze!
Great job. Here's a Sophie giraffe
for winning the skills section.
Oh. No, that's...
You're such a natural mommy.
One of the dads just told me the neatest thing:
babies are programmed
to look like the father when they're born.
Won't that be so adorable?
A tiny little me suckling at your bosom?
that was actually quite... impressive.
I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I think...
you were born to be a mom.
There's something's wrong with my big ol' honkers!
- Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. - Oh. This poor dear.
He is so delirious from working so many double shifts.
Paul, will you drive us home?
Of course. See you at home, Mama?
当然了 家里见咯 妈妈
Um, hi, what is this?
What do I look like, some baby lady?
M-My wife, she's stuck at work-- shocker.
She gave me this shopping list, and,
man, I have no idea what I'm doing.
Looks like you're gonna need a Miracle Blanket, a Woombie,
a Boppy-- really great neck support--
and, of course, Zipadee-Zip.
It'll be quicker if I just do it.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Well, Gretchen, you did it.
I can't think of a place more gloomy, more soul-crushing,
more quintessentially England.
Yeah, I thought you might want a wee English breakfast.
- Excuse me? - Don't be a berk.
You know what I'm talkin' about, Shitty Jimmy.
- Are you being Ronny? - Today's been all abstract.
It's time to personalize it.
I even boned up on some British slang online.
Blarmy! Knob jockeys getting married?!
Next thing you know, some ringburner's
gonna want to shag and marry his dachshund!
Almost felt something again. Get more personal.
Uh, talk about my ceramic pony collection
or the time Fiona caught me kissing a magazine cover of Boy George
because I thought he was a girl.
Look at 'at pasty skin.
Them soft girl hands.
never worked an honest day in his whole miserable, sodding life.
Now, you listen to me, you fat, grey void.
Writing is hard! It is actual work.
It's a noble, nay, spiritual endeavor
that taxes both the brain... Oh, my God.
This wretched idea of yours might actually be working.
- The feeling? It's back. - Yeah, it's coming.
-找回那些感觉了吗 -是的 汹涌而出
Oh, my God. Here it comes.
That was the feeling? A fart?
Apparently. Well, I told you,
I'm very evolved.
I'm warning you, this better be it.
If you lose your shit on the cruise
and ruin my time with Cotton Candy Raccoon,
Bubble Gecko, or Sneezy Panda,
I... Well, she died in a plane crash. But never mind.
How do you even mess up toast?
Thanks so much for helping.
Jesus, I'm already this overwhelmed.
I don't even have a baby yet.
How are you this good at it already?
So now what? I'm just stuck doing this baby shit
for the rest of my life?
What if there are other things I'm meant to be
and I never find out?
Like a phlebologist or a dinosaur?
Once my ex and I split,
I figured that was it.
I was never gonna be a dad.
Then I meet this cute Asian chick
at the Kubrick exhibit at LACMA
and suddenly she's knocked up
and I get this second chance at 42.
So you believe in second chances?
But I guess I do now.
Oh, Jesus. What the hell are you doing? Are you insane?
天啊 你在干什么 你疯了吗
I just told you, I'm on my second chance!
- I just thought... - Oh, my God! What is wrong with you?!
-我以为... -天啊 你是有什么毛病
Why would you even do that? I talked to your husband!
- We're going kayaking together sometime! - Fine.
This isn't a singles bar where you just pick up guys!
- You're having a baby, you weirdo! - Shut up,
-你都要生孩子了 你个怪胎 -闭嘴
I got your snacks.
I've already lost an entire day's writing.
Mmm, rum Christophers; they're so disgusting,
I can't stop eating them.
How was your thing today?
Do you want to talk about it?
Yes! Two for two.
Well, Dad, here we are.
Let all the sadness out.
I thought you were crying!
No. It's amazing.
I was smelling the jacket that Dad left
and it smelled exactly like him.
Just cigarettes, ale, beans, occupational failure.
香烟味 麦芽酒味 大豆味 职业失败的味道
And in a rush, that feeling that we'd been searching for all day
just came flying out. And, Gretchen,
it wasn't sadness.
I am finally free!
And I'm finally unstuck creatively.
I found, all right, the perfect metaphor
for the heft of Kitty's adolescent bottom.
I'll tell you later. It's-it's too sexy.
Do you want to go, uh, binge-watch
that six-part series on the Susan Smith case?
Now that my parental nightmare is finally over,
I'm gonna get rid of everything that smacks of Ronny Overly.
May he rest in relative peace
for someone of his arterial calcification.