- He'll be here. - But his part is in 16 bars.
Excuse me. Sorry!
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I heard before he played triangle he was in a prison gang.
I heard he was a tech millionaire.
There is a rumor he is a foreign prince.
His name is Todd Chavez.
And he's the most giving man the world has ever known.
He saved my pregnant daughter from drowning in a shipwreck,
then he delivered her baby while they rode on a piece of driftwood.
And then he circumsized her baby
while they both hung from the ladder of a rescue helicopter.
Of course, before he did,
Todd Chavez explained that circumcision has somewhat fallen out of vogue.
They had a spirited but respectful debate,
and by the end my daughter decided that since we are of Jewish heritage,
最后 我女儿做了决定 既然我们都是犹太后裔
the boy might like to have the option to become religious if he so chooses.
Sounds like he really helped your daughter
make the decision that was right for her family.
And last year, when our triangle player died of starvation
after getting his foot stuck in his triangle,
Todd Chavez took over because we needed him.
- What a guy! - He is always helping others.
You know, sometimes when that triangle part is coming up,
I find myself hoping he won't show up.
No man should be asked to give that much.
He is truly the best of all of--
Hey, guys. I was eating a taco earlier and I got salsa on my shirt.
I went to clean it off, but then when I put my hands in the automatic dryer
I forgot I was still holding the taco.
I got my hands all greasy,
so I couldn't open the doorknob for an hour.
What you guys talking about?
So then at 11:00 you're gonna be giving a policy speech on fracking.
Meanwhile, all this talk of whatever it is you're talking about
is making me hungry.
Cheese? Yes, please!
奶酪 要 谢谢
Todd, don't distract Mr. Peanutbutter with your weird pocket cheeses.
The issue is fracking and the people really want to know your opinion.
Well, then, color me "the people"
because I would also like to know my opinion.
You don't have one yet. The polling research comes in today
and that will decide whether you're for or against fracking.
Here's a thought: maybe be against fracking.
- It's terrible! - Diane.
- Just my opinion. - You don't tell me how to do my job.
Also, fracking is the worst.
I can't believe you'd even consider endorsing it.
- Diane - None of my business. I gotta get to work. Love you!
-戴安 -不关我事 我上班去了 爱你哦
- Bye, hon! - But seriously, seriously,
-再见 亲爱的 -真的 真的
if you come out in support of fracking I'm gonna be super upset. Bye!
如果你支持水力压裂 我会超级伤心 再见
Where you stand on the issue doesn't really matter.
What's important is that you seem sincere and emphatic.
Are you a fan of charming but inessential Will Smith movies?
Because, slight hitch, I always show I'm empathic
by taking off my glasses dramatically,
but I kinda lost 'em.
This must be what I'd look like to a starving shipwrecked person.
When did you last see the glasses?
I was in a meeting with Princess Carolyn.
She was saying I'm always forgetting stuff,
so I whipped off my glasses, looked her square in the eye and said,
"I never forget a thing."
I might have left my glasses there.
Todd, you never do anything.
Why don't you take the campaign bus over to VIM
and get Mr. Peanutbutter's glasses? Can you handle that?
I never know if I can handle anything.
That's what makes my life so exciting.
Mr. Peanutbutter, there's a delivery!
He's busy! Just sign for it.
I can't sign for another man's mail.
That's how I ended up with the cremains of Cornelius Vanderbilt.
It all started when a young Todd-- I don't have time for this!
I've got a job to do.
- It's Todd! - It's me!
You are just the guy I need.
You know the actress Courtney Portnoy?
I think so. She portrayed the formerly portly consort in The Seaport Resort?
Courtly roles like the formerly portly consort
are Courtney Portnoy's forte, but she's got a new action movie
that's supposed to change her image: Miss Taken.
You know Mr. Taken from the Taken movies?
- This is his niece. - Nice!
This was supposed to be Courtney's crossover coronation.
But that's sort of been thwarted, unfortunately,
'cause Courtney's purportedly falling short
of shoring up four quadrant support.
Makes perfect sense so far.
The public sees her as out of touch.
We need to make her seem relatable, and the best way to do that
is to be seen dating a down-to-earth boring nobody like yourself.
You can do that, right? You're not doing anything.
I'm kind of busy today. I gotta pick up these glasses,
and then tonight there was this meeting I wanted to go to.
This will take no time, I promise. Meet her for lunch.
我发誓 这不会耽误你很久的 跟她共进午餐
The paparazzi will show up, pop some razzis.
I do love getting my picture taken. It's proof I exist.
Marvelous! Judah, prepare the press release.
太好了 犹大 准备好新闻发布会
"Portnoy finds joy in hoi polloi boy toy."
We didn't get the polling research on fracking--
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Because apparently when the delivery came someone wouldn't sign for it.
In the future, whenever anyone asks you to sign Mr. Peanutbutter's name,
- just sign it. - You got it, chief.
-必须签 -知道了 老大
All right, Middle-Aged Yeller, here's what you're gonna do.
好啊 中年大叔 这是你要做的
You're gonna give an impassioned speech on fracking
that doesn't actually take a stand either way on fracking.
Let's talk fracking.
Everyone has very strong opinions about it,
and I want you all to know, right here and right now,
I am on... your side!
- What side is that specifically? - Good question.
I am specifically on the side of the facts,
and also on the side of feelings.
Well, I'm satisfied.
Excuse me, would Mr. Peanutbutter
be willing to sign this letter to our state government?
Yes. I'll write his name on anything.
And down goes Todd.
- Whoa! - Stay back!
Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you.
My name is Hollyhock Manheim-Mannheim-Guerrero-
- Hsung-Fonzarelli-McQuack. - Wait, wait.
-宋-佛则雷利-麦克奎克 -等等 等等
- What's your first name? - Hollyhock.
- Wait, what's your last name? - I know, it's confusing.
-等等 你姓什么 -我知道 这有点懵
- I have eight dads. - How'd that happen? Test tubes?
-我有八个爸爸 -这怎么会 试管婴儿吗
- No. I was adopted. - Of course.
-不是 我是被领养的 -原来如此
By eight men in a committed gay polyamorous relationship.
- Less of course. - But ever since I was a baby,
people always said I looked like BoJack Horseman.
That's a terrible thing to say to a baby!
And I've always wondered if BoJack could be my biological... sperm guy.
I guess it's possible.
BoJack used to say his penis is like sun-dried tomatoes:
back in the '90s it got into everything.
I came to L.A. to get to the bottom of things.
I even bought a deluxe spy kit. Sorry about knocking you out.
我还买了豪华间谍包 刚刚弄晕你 真的抱歉
Once you have chloroform you can't not use it.
No, I get it. BoJack had one of those spy kits, too.
He mostly just used the chloroform on himself, though.
I read in his book that you live together.
Can you help me find him?
Sorry. I don't live there anymore.
And no one knows where he's been for the last year.
I guess I don't have to meet him.
All I need is a DNA sample, like a piece of hair or something.
I guess his house might have--
Sorry again. It's just so fun.
Okay, there might be some hairs in the shower drain,
but hard to know who they belong to.
Everyone who has sex with BoJack usually takes a long shower afterwards.
I think I see a hair.
What the... was...
- Okay. - Okay, let's blow.
-好了 -好了 我们走
Blow? Who's got blow? Save some for BoJack.
口 谁要口 给我口一口
Wait, Todd? Oh, shit.
等一下 陶德 卧槽
Are you gonna yell at me? Can I have the blow first?
No. BoJack, there's no blow, okay? And I'm not going to yell at you.
波杰克 没有人给你口 我也没有大吵大叫
I'm Hollyhock Manheim-Mannheim- Guerrero-Robinson-
Of the New -aven Manheim-Mannheim-Guerrero-Robinson-
That was a joke. Obviously I've never heard
of your family and/or law firm.
That was also a joke. Todd, who is this tough crowd you brought to my home?
别逗了 陶德 你带我家来的这个马仔是谁
BoJack, this is your daught--
Way to build up the suspense.
To tidy up the place in case you came back.
You got me a maid? Thank you.
Here I thought Channing Tatum was a good neighbor
picking up my mail while I was gone,
but you, and after all the things I did to you,
- I don't know how to tell you-- - BoJack,
we haven't talked in like a year,
and that's actually been kind of working for me.
So, maybe it's better if we just keep things like that, you know?
好吧 或许我们就这样吧 挺好的
Okay. So then why did you hire me--
Oh, yeah, deliver me.
You're welcome. Now go get that DNA tested.
Can you tell me if this is a match?
- A match with who? - Hollyhock.
Whatever those words are, I need a sample from her, too.
Bring it in an hour. I gotta get to lunch.
Nothing like working with hair, blood, and semen all day
成天跟毛发 血液 精液打交道
to work up an appetite, and it's already 1:00.
1:00? I gotta go meet my fake girlfriend!
You have a fake girlfriend too?
Mine is a bunch of water balloons with a blonde wig.
I suppose a fancy restaurant like this
is too fancy for a common man such as yourself.
You'd probably like to take me someplace rough and primitive.
Do you want me to take you somewhere else?
Well, if you must drag me on some barbaric adventure I can't stop you.
There's a Pony Roma's at Universal CityWalk.
A chain restaurant? God, no, I'll be mugged.
是连锁的吗 天哪 在那我会被抢劫的
Todd, I can never be your dirty peasant girl, I'm sorry.
陶德 我做不了你的灰姑娘 我很抱歉
- I must abscond. - Wait, Courtney!
-我得撤了 -等等 考特尼
Scusi, sir, would you care for a sample
先生 打扰一下 您愿意试吃一下
of my father's famous angel hair pomodoro?
Famous father? Hair? Sample?
有名的爸爸 头发 样品
- DNA? - I no say DNA.
I gotta get back to Hollyhock.
Hollyhock, I need to get--
- Did you clean anything? - No.
But I am learning so much about my possibly-maybe birth father.
Like, did you know he has a shoebox in his closet full of bad reviews
for other people's TV shows?
So all you've done so far is snoop around?
I also ate a box of donuts, got sleepy and took a nap.
我还吃了一盒甜甜圈 然后困了 就睡了一觉
Yeah, I'm not sure we really need to do the DNA test.
Look, I didn't come all this way
to not find out who my biological father is.
Okay, fine, then I just need you to yank out a strand of hair
- so I can take it down to the lab. - No way! That sounds painful.
-我拿去化验室 -不行 肯定很疼
Can't we just use your hair?
No, but I can pull out some of my hair at the same time,
- so you don't have to do it alone. - Okay, that sounds fair.
-这样你就不用一个人做了 -好吧 这才公平
One... two... three!
一... 二... 三...
Oh, wait, I have this whole comb full of hair in my bag.
等等 我包里有一把梳子 上面都是我的头发
Todd, can I see you for a minute?
This maid is the worst. I passed out again for some reason.
When I woke up the house was messier than when she started.
I don't mind someone else in the house with me,
in case I start choking on pills or have a funny take on current events
that demands an audience, but if she can't do her job I gotta fire her.
You can't do that! Here, buzz up real nice,
你不能那样做 来 喝点酒开心一下
take a nap, and while you're sleeping I'll get the maid to clean
睡一觉 你睡着的时候 我会让佣人打扫好
so no one has to fire anyone.
What? I'm helping. I'm cleaning out his DVR. Get it?
我也在帮忙 我在检查他的录像机 看到没
Okay, but you got it, right?
Todd's phone, home of the Todd.
You quarter-wit. Turn on the news.
I don't want to be a manners police, but a "hello" would be nice.
The letter, signed by Mr. Peanutbutter himself,
in full, unambiguous support of fracking.
The gubernatorial hopeful has until now played coy
on the controversial issue of fra...
What happened? Randy pass out on his keyboard?
He did? Oh, my God, is he okay?
真的吗 天哪 他还好吗
Well, did someone call Cynthia? No one called Cynthia?!
For Christ's sake, this isn't just a newsroom, this is a family!
天哪 我们这不只是新闻中心 我们是一家人
I hope Randy's okay.
Forget Randy. Did you sign that letter for Mr. Peanutbutter?
Yes. Should I have not done the thing you literally told me to do?
Well, I guess we're pro-fracking now.
Hey, buddy, I just want you to know
that while Katrina is filled with white-hot frustration
as she has been for much of this campaign, I'm not mad.
I'm just nervous about what Diane will do when she finds out.
But I've got a plan, and it stars you!
You want me to keep Diane away from the TV, radio, and internet?
你叫我不让戴安看电视 听广播 不上网
That's a way better idea than I had. Yeah, do that.
Hollyhock, I gotta run.
I'll try to get the hairs tested today.
Just stay here and act maid-like.
Hey, look at me! I'm dancing. The time is now! Don't miss out!
看我 我在跳舞 就是现在 不要错过哦
Okay, Todd, that's some good dancing, but I've got work to do
好吧 陶德 跳得不错 但是我有工作要做
and you've been dancing for... 55 minutes?!
- What is this? - It's a new dance.
I call it the... come on, stall, Todd.
叫... 快点 陶德
Gotta think of something to call this fake dance you just made up.
That's amazing, and you're amazing and I want your pores.
名字不错 跳得也不错 借过一下
Diane, I adored your sad little story on refugees.
We have so many articles about things people care about.
It's like supes refreshing to see something that doesn't make you click,
but it does make you think.
Well, it's not like nobody clicks on my articles.
You don't care if people read your work or not. That's what's so brave about you.
You inspire me to be my fiercest self.
Todd's phone. I know when that Toddline bling.
What happened at the restaurant?
You disappeared before the paparazzi even got there.
The whole point was to get a picture with her.
You want me to draw a picture from memory?
How tall is she? What is she, like eight feet?
She's gonna be at the Sharc Jacobs fashion show in 30 minutes.
There's an empty seat there for her boyfriend, you.
Be there, get the photo. Got it? Click.
去那儿 拍好照片 明白没
How do I make people care about the important stuff
when all they want to do is read articles about who got slayed
and who owned at the VMAs?
When I need Mr. Peanutbutter to take his heartworm pills,
I always hide it in cheese so he doesn't know
he's doing something he hates.
What if you take your important stuff and hide it in some juicy gossip?
That's actually a really good idea.
But I don't know any gossip
and I wouldn't even know where to look.
Because I have potentially earth-shattering inside info!
That beloved famous person...
Channing Tatum may have an illegitimate daughter
that's also a Cordovian refugee.
- Are you serious? - I have these two hairs.
One is from Channing, the other is from a baby.
If the DNA lab confirms a match, you have your story.
Thanks, Todd. I owe you one.
谢谢 陶德 我欠你一个人情
Okay, but if it's a match please call me first.
不用谢 如果匹配的话 先打给我
'Cause I love juicy gossip.
Where am I supposed to go? Okay.
Gracias, sign. Muy bien.
谢谢你 标志 好极了
Good heavens! What's this?
And this is how I walk...
Where's the hollow look of someone forced to starve themselves
to fit our unrealistic expectation of what beauty should be?
He is not making it work.
Isn't fashion supposed to be for everyone?
That behatted boy is right.
Fashion was never meant to be an inherently elitist form.
We need to return fashion to its utilitarian roots.
Give it back to the people!
Bravo! He is making it work.
Todd's phone. Leave a message at the Todd.
Looks a wide variety of screen roles
isn't the only thing Channing brought life to.
It's a match? I gotta tell Holly... woo agents
结果匹配吗 我得告诉霍莉... 经纪人
to keep their eyes peeled for a refugee baby
with abs to die for.
Nick, tell Janae to stock the warehouse with red hoodies.
- This is the look of the future. - Couch surfer couture!
Where's Hollyhock? I need to talk to her.
- She's in maid heaven. - She's dead?!
Sorry, I meant she belongs in maid heaven
because she is a cleaning angel.
- Where is she, then? - I sent her to Channing Tatum's house
to pay him back for collecting my mail while I was out of town.
Looks like I missed quite a deal over at Pottery Barn.
Life is but an endless series of missed opportunities,
some involving Pottery Barn.
Okay, I'm gonna--
Can you believe this? Mr. Peanutbutter's running for governor now.
I can believe it, because I've been around for the last year.
Right. How's Diane feel about that?
You could ask her yourself. Does she even know you're back?
I wanted to call her, but I'm just not ready.
Nobody knows I'm back except you.
And Channing Tatum, and my pills guy,
and my booze guy, my weed guy, my coke guy,
酒吧老板 除草工人 毒贩子
some smartass at Pizza Hut who deserved an in-person finger wagging,
- and my maid. - And now she's at Channing Tatum's house?
I came back because I wanted to fix things,
but now I don't know if I can.
I've really been so lucky to have people in my life who care about me.
I don't deserve any of them.
I definitely don't deserve to have a friend as amazing
and generous and forgiving and thoughtful as...
既大方 又大度 还体贴...
- Yeah? - Channing Tatum.
I'm only gonna hurt him like I've hurt everyone else.
I was a fool to think I could just jump back into a new relationship.
Can you go over to Channing Tatum's house,
tell him I won't be his friend?
I can't break another heart. Not today, not Channing.
我不能再伤别人的心了 今天不能 查宁也不能
- Hollyhock, I need to tell you something. - Did you get the results?
-霍莉霍克 我得跟你说点事 -拿到结果了吗
'Cause I'm really looking forward to dropping this whole maid thing,
even though I'm kind of nailing it.
Are you sure you want to know? I don't know if BoJack is ready
for a normal relationship with anyone.
Well, that's fine. I don't want a relationship.
I already have eight dads.
It's not like a ninth dad is what I need to suddenly fill a hole in my life
that the unconditional love of eight dads couldn't already fill.
Well, then good news.
I got the results and...
- Really? - Yeah. Good news, right?
-真的吗 -太好了 是吧
I shouldn't have come here.
Papa Steve told me this was a bad idea.
But Papa Greg said, "Follow your heart."
Then Papa Dashawn said, "I agree with Greg."
Daddy Quackers said, "Let's put it to a vote, quack quack."
- Hello? Anybody home? - Get down! Go, go, go!
-你好 有人在家吗 -趴下 躲起来
I can hear someone in there. Channing?
Their daughter Everly Elizabeth?
It's me, Channing Tatum.
I'm in the middle of channing right now,
but you can come back... tatum?
Listen, I'm a reporter.
I tested your DNA against another sample's DNA,
and apparently the two are related.
- You're a father. - Wait, what?
-你是她的爸爸 -等等 什么
- Okay. Thanks! - Todd!
-好吧 谢了 -陶德
I was going to write a story and drag your name through the mud
just because I thought a couple more people would click on an article I wrote.
But I don't think that's the kind of journalist I want to be.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this line of work.
Sorry to bother you.
Hey, I obviously don't know you because I am Channing Tatum,
the guy from Green Lantern or whatever,
and you are a nobody, but you came all the way over here
to warn me about something you hadn't even written yet.
You ask me, movie star Channing Tatum,
I'd say you're exactly the kind of journalist we need in this world.
That doesn't sound at all like Channing Tatum's voice,
but that is the kind of thing I would want Channing Tatum to say to me,
so thanks, Channing.
Love half your movies!
That was a close one, huh, Hollyhock?
Todd's phone. What do you want?
So, I see lots of pictures of you at the fashion show,
- but none of you with Courtney. - Crap!
Why are you wearing my clothes?
These aren't anything like your clothes. This hat alone cost $50,000.
So... what's it like being a movie star?
It's awfully trying.
Do you ever feel like everyone's looking at you
but nobody sees you?
Yeah, that's exactly how I feel.
No, I was speaking rhetorically
about a feeling that only movie stars get.
- Okay. - But it feels good to talk about it.
Yeah. Talking's good.
You know, there was a meeting I was supposed to go to tonight,
but I don't think I'm gonna go. I don't know if I'm ready.
What if it's not everything I want it to be?
Sometimes the idea of something is better than the truth, you know?
I always prefer fiction to truth, personally.
I've staked my career on it.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Smile for the birdie.
Courtney, you canoodling with a supermodel now?
- That's right. - Fancy.
I love how not down-to-earth you are together.
This is going to really make headlines when you two break up.
Here's an even bigger headline: we shan't be breaking up.
- We're engaged! - Wowee!
Hooray! I'm confused!
Hollyhock? Are you here?
No, but BoJack, who lives here, is here.
BoJack, I gotta tell you...
- Hollyhock is your daughter. - What do you mean?
- She's your daughter. - I don't understand.
She has Horseman DNA. You're her father.
That's impossible. I'm BoJack.
She didn't want me to tell you, but I thought you should know.
I guess I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to be my daughter either.
Look what I do to the people I'm supposed to care about.
I had sex with the one person I've ever seen you be in love with.
I guess they're not gonna put you in the best friends hall of fame,
but I don't know that I loved her.
I don't think I'm allowed to be in love.
Don't say that. You do so much for everybody.
All you ever asked for was a roof over your head
and the occasional s'more in a baguette.
I'm telling you it's a million dollar idea.
I got more of you than I ever deserved.
If you never talk to me again I just want you to know
that I appreciate it, and I appreciate you.
It was shitty what you did with Emily, but...
I think I'm... asexual.
A sexual what? Dynamo, deviant?
性什么 电动小马达 特殊性癖好
Harassment lawsuit waiting to happen?
No. Asexual, not sexual.
不是 是性冷淡 不是性欲强
I'm sure you think that's weird.
Are you kidding? That's amazing.
Sometimes I wish I was asexual.
Maybe then I wouldn't have a strain of herpes.
- You have multiple-- - I know I have multiple strains.
-你得了好多种性病... -我知道 好多种
The joke only works with the "a".
It actually feels nice to finally say it out loud.
I am an asexual person.
- I am asexual. - That's great.
So if you're not mad about Emily--
It wasn't just Emily, BoJack,
and I don't know if I'm ready for us to be friends again yet.
- Okay. - But we can be more than not-friends.
You know, for an asexual,
more than not-friends is probably as good as it gets, right?
I'm not really at a place yet where I want to joke about it.
- Got it, got it, totally. - But it feels good to talk about it.
-好吧 明白了 -但是讲出来真的感觉很好
Well, if you ever need a place to crash, that couch--
- Right now? - Welcome back, BoJack.
-现在就走吗 -欢迎回来 波杰克
It's good to see you.