I'll be your server for tonight.
My name is Brian if you guys need anything.
What's your name if we don't need anything?
You're quick, Patricia!
Thanks. So, our specialty cocktail for tonight
is a basil-infused mojito.
Oh, yum! We'll take three.
Uh, no. That's okay. I'm good.
不用了 没关系 我不想喝酒
Come on, now. Join us for a specialty cocktail
- on our specialty evening. - Yeah.
- Three, please. - Okay.
If you don't drink it, someone will.
Well, that Brian sure is a cutie, huh?
I'd kill to have those lips. I mean on me.
I mean I want his lips on my mouth.
Uh, can we just cut to the chase?
He's got great lips.
No, no, no, no, no. What are we doing here?
What is this about?
Nothing! We just wanted to have a fun night out
with our daughter.
Yeah! Just think of us as your friends.
- Yeah! - I don't have 45-year-old friends.
Well, you don't have 45-year-old parents yet, either, honey,
Haley has no plan for her future whatsoever.
She's living in our basement,
taking community-college classes, and, well, meandering.
So we're gonna take her out. We'll have some fun.
And then gently ease her
into a friendly conversationabout her future.
As opposed to the approach that we've taken in the past.
Is this what you're gonna do with your life --
Sleep late and take a selfie?!
Why are you always criticizing me?!
Is this really how you want to start the day?!
My day started 5 hours ago.
I am under a lot of pressure!
How?! How?! You take three classes a week,
怎么大 如何大 你一周只有三节课
and you miss half of them!
The parking is tricky!
Morning, sunshine. I saved you some lunch.
早上好 宝贝 我给你留了些午餐
I get it, okay?! I'm lazy! God!
我知道了 好吗 我是很懒 天呐
You know what drives me crazy?
Getting these customer-satisfaction calls during dinner.
They change the oil on your car,
they want a love letter!
I know. I'm waiting for a call from my doctor's office --
"Please rate your prostate exam.
Would you say you were satisfied?"
I hope you weren't.
"I hope you weren't."
That's a good one, Gloria!
Do you know how hard it is
to be funny in a second language, Jay?
Esta Hermosa Dama es muy buena.
Ay, Darlene, you're learning Spanish?
Yes, Shorty and I have been taking classes.
- We're getting good. - Oh, yeah.
You said "That's wonderful," right?
My Italian helps me.
Why the sudden interest in Spanish?
Well, actually, there's something we have to tell you,
you know? All right. How's this? We're-
好吧 你们看如何 我们
- We're moving to Costa Rica! - Yeah!
- What?! - When?
In a couple of weeks. The cost of living is so low down there,
you know? We found this beautiful place on the water.
It's got its own private beach.
Bathing suits are optional.
Ay, I'm going to miss you guys.
Don't worry about it. I give it three months, tops.
You hate the beach. And you know how humid it is down there?
I love the steam room at the club.
It's the same thing, except I don't have to see you
sitting there like a pile of melted ice cream.
'cause you're Tom Selleck in a towel.
I'm just ready for an adventure.
I want to try something new.
Stick around here. Pick up a check every now and then.
Why do you always have to be so negative?
I think it's great.
No, you're right. I'm sorry.
不 你说得对 我很抱歉
I'm surprised, that's all.
Let's toast this amazing new chapter of your lives.
To mosquitoes the size of your fist.
This is why all your friends move away.
To us, alone at last.
We both look very handsome tonight.
You know, if you -- if you'd just said
that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
我看起来很帅 我就会说 你也是
I couldn't take that chance.
I wanted to get off on the right foot.
Mitchell and I desperately need
a romantic night out to reconnect.
I don't know if it's the stress of planning a wedding,
but we've been a little tense with each other lately, huh?
Even our friend J'marcus said how bitchy we've been.
What -- when did he say that?
Oh, at Pepper's party
that night you wore those pants that don't fit you anymore.
Oh, right. And you brought that bad wine that everybody hated.
- See? We really need this. - We really do.
-瞧 我们真的很需要 -真心的
Oh, you know, uh, Pepper said
that for our cake tasting,
we needed to have --
Remember our rules -- no wedding talk, no Lily talk.
我们说好的 不谈婚礼 不谈莉莉
I'm sorry. No, you're right.
抱歉 好吧 你是对的
So, just gonna...
Should we hear the specials again?
We can't ask him a third time.
You know what I might try when I'm down there?
So it's gonna be a closed casket.
What are you talking about? I just sunk the 3 ball.
Then you moved the cue ball with your stick
while you were telling me how you were gonna move away
from Southern California to try surfing.
I didn't touch the cue ball.
Yeah, I know. But you did.
You're calling me a cheater? You?
The guy on the golf course who can't seem to count higher than 5?
Maybe I can't keep track of my shots
because somebody won't stop talking.
It is in my nature to comment on
the bizarre and unusual things I see in the world,
like that convulsion you call a golf swing.
You know what? I'm done here.
I will not have my integrity questioned here.
I served with guys who died.
You never left the states!
Are you saying I didn't serve my country?
Which one, America or Costa Rica?
What's with you and Costa Rica?!
It's a terrible idea!
You get into things without thinking,
and you need to be rescued,
like that time you bought that car
that was supposed to turn into a boat!
- Yeah? - It turned into a reef!
That's 'cause you left your door cracked open!
Yes, it was my fault.
Costa Rica is another amphibicar
at the bottom of a lake.
Only this time, I won't be bailing you out!
Darlene, we're going!
Wha-- wha-- what do you mean, we're going?
That was a lovely dinner.
And you are an incredible woman for putting up with this gringo!
- Come on! - What happened?
Good luck in Costa Rica!
- Aw, thanks, Jay. - He didn't mean it!
-谢谢你 杰 -他在说反话
I know! I'm trying to defuse the tension.
- Here we go, guys. - Oh, yeah!
- Three more Mojitos. - Yum!
Aren't these yum?
I didn't even drink the first one.
Are you sure? 'cause I don't think it drank itself.
Look, I have no problem drinking.
I can literally do it standing on my head.
But, "A," not with my parents,
但是 首先 我不跟爸妈一起喝
and plus, also, I needed to stay sharp,
because they were obviously up to something,
and I was in no mood.
I barely got 10 hours of sleep last night.
So, I'll go get you guys some more water,
and your food should be out in just a few minutes.
Thanks so much, pal. We appreciate it.
He seems like a real go-getter, huh?
Oh, 'cause he goes and gets things?
I wonder what he wants to do with his life.
I wonder that about people all the time.
I think that's very common,
to wonder about other people's aspirations.
I do it all the time.
- Yeah, you do. - Yeah. Here we go.
-是 你是这样 -好了 水来了
Hey, Brian, you're a young guy.
Wha-- wha-- what do you want to do after this? What's your plan?
Uh, to be perfectly honest,
I'm probably gonna go home, watch a movie, and get high.
我大概会回家 看看电影 再磕点药
You guys looking for something to do?
Oh. I mean, I think I got extra.
No, no, that's --
I-I think he meant your plan for your life,
not -- not just tonight.
Oh. I want to be a screenwriter.
- Ambitious. - And -- and so interesting.
Isn't that interesting, Haley?
- Sure. - You should tell him what you're doing.
Oh, you mean after we all go get high with Brian?
That's not happening.
I'm sorry. I meant that --
No, I know what you meant.
Hey, Brian, could you give us a second?
So this is what this whole night's about --
the drinks, the pretending to be my friend?
鸡尾酒 假装是我朋友 都是幌子
We are your friend.
Honey, we care about you.
And we want to make sure that you -- you've got a plan,
'cause it seems like you're meandering.
No. Sweetie, don't just start texting
别这样 亲爱的 不要每次谈到
because you don't like the conversation.
- Here. - What is this?
That's a blog that I've been doing.
I'm really liking my photography,
and people always say that they like the way that I dress,
so I've been posting pictures of my outfits on this site.
I know it's not a huge money-maker right now,
but I do get money whenever someone clicks on a link
and buys something that I wore.
I'm gonna take a business class next semester,
which I'm hoping will help me turn all of this
into becoming a stylist.
I have 1,200 followers.
Most are women who want to know what to wear.
Some are men who want to know what I'm wearing,
But, you know, I'm trying to figure a way
to block all of the pervs.
So, yeah. I guess that is my plan.
We are so proud of you.
Don't even, guys. You always assume the worst of me.
No, you guys sit here
acting like we're drinking buddies, judging me,
when I have a better handle on my future
than either one of you did at my age.
You? You wanted to be a magician.
And you were changing your major every three minutes,
according to grandpa --
has been drinking with me for years
because he loves me,
and he thinks I say funny things when I'm buzzed.
Well, apparently, the situation in Syria is worsening.
In fact, now U.N. evidence suggests that Assad was --
Are you reading this off your phone?
- I was just making sure my facts were straight... - Cam.
...before I started a spirited conversation of current events.
What else does it say?
Sorry. Is that the tuna tartare?
Yes, and it is delicious.
Oh, I should've ordered it.
Would you like a taste?
Oh, no. But thank you. That's very sweet.
不用了 但是谢谢 你人真好
She really means it. Uh, Katie loves sharing food.
Me, too. You know, I think
it's growing up in a big family,
'cause everything at suppertime on the table
was up for grabs.
We didn't say grace.
We said, "On your marks, get set, go."
我们会说 各就各位 预备 开吃
You sound exactly like my dad.
He was from this really big family in Missouri, and --
I'm a Missouri farm boy, myself!
- Stop! - Oh, my gosh! I'm Cam.
-不是吧 -天啊 我叫小卡
Well, right pleased to meet you, Cam.
Hi. She doesn't really talk like that.
Oh, well, he slips in and out of his accent
like Kate Winslet in "Titanic."
- Uh, I'm Mitchell, by the way. - Hi.
- Hi. - What -- what's yours, Brandon?
-你好 -你点了什么 布兰登
It looks delicious, too.
It's the truffle parmesan gnocchi.
Do you know what, though? If you want a bite of that,
you're barking up the wrong tree.
'cause that dish is in a strict no-share zone.
I don't like people eating off my plate.
Yeah, because you're not an animal. I'm the same way.
Oh, my gosh! You're exactly us!
No, you guys are more interesting,
'cause you have the whole gay thing.
Katie, you don't know if they're gay.
Okay, that's adorable.
Yeah, it was -- it was a pretty safe bet.
Okay. I'm running to the powder room.
Cam, please try the tartare,
because whatever you order, I want a taste.
Okay. Well, don't you dillydally,
because I ain't exactly slow once I tie on the ol' feed bag!
Calm down, honey boo boo.
- She's so cute! - Very adorable.
So, Brandon, what do you do for a living? Are you --
Look, guys. I-I hate to be blunt,
听我说 伙计们 我不想这么没礼貌
but could you please give us some space?
Look, no -- no, it's --
I mean, you guys are great. But I'm gonna...
propose to Katie tonight.
And I'm kind of feeling -- yeah.
Oh, my god! That's amazing!
We just got engaged a few months ago.
Yeah, so we will definitely give you your privacy.
- Congratulations. - Absolutely.
You know what? If you wanted,
I could pretend like I'm texting,
and I could video the whole thing on my phone.
That way, you'd have it forever.
Really? I mean, that -- yeah.
- That would be awesome. - A-are you sure?
He gets very, uh, well, excited.
And he might give it away.
Mitchell, um, I think I know Katie well enough
to tell if she's getting suspicious.
- Cam?! - She said I could.
The hell's the corkscrew?
Do you want to talk about it?
There's nothing to talk about!
Shorty does dumb things all the time.
You mark my words -- in three months,
he'll be back here needing money.
Maybe this is not about Shorty coming back.
Maybe this is about Shorty not coming back.
What she's saying is, deep down,
you're afraid Shorty's going to love Costa Rica,
and you'll lose your best friend forever.
That's what you do.
You push people away, so when they leave,
it doesn't hurt that much.
I don't get it. You're the greatest generation,
but why can't you feel?
Why can't you spend your teen years
locked in your bedroom like a normal kid?
See? Now he's doing it to me.
Uh, you have to face it, Jay.
One day, I'll be moving out of this house.
Can I get that in writing?
'cause I just can't shake this image of a 30-year-old you
eating my food and cuddling with my wife.
Boys should never stop cuddling their mothers.
I'm gonna have nightmares!
You pretend to be so tough.
But you know what I think?
I think that deep down,
you're the most sensitive person in this house.
I say something that strikes a nerve,
and immediately, you cannot handle it.
That's why you "Pbht" in my face!
We just found the one thing you can't make sexy.
Jay, you have to make this right with Shorty.
You have to tell him how you feel!
He has been a great compadre with you for many years.
Besides, who else is going to laugh at your jokes?
Lots of people laugh at my jokes.
Name one person that doesn't work for you.
Hey, you know what? Why don't you two just go cuddle?
Okay, here she comes.
- You're gonna spoil it. - You stay calm.
Ooh, that looks good. What is it?
Um, uh, this is the grilled calamari.
It's scrumptious. Would you care for a ring?
I -- um, I mean, dig in there, girlfriend!
Oh, no, that's okay. Thank you.
This looks so delicious.
Yeah, mine's delicious, too.
You look so beautiful tonight.
You know, I-I've never met anyone like you,
and I know that I never will. And I...
Will you make me the happiest man on earth
- and be my bride? - What?!
Did you know that this place used to be a bank?
I just -- I don't want to be married, Brandon.
我只是 我不想结婚 布兰登
We'll end up like one of those couples
that just sits there with nothing to talk about
until we glom on to other people.
I can't believe this. You -- you don't love me?
我简直不敢相信 你 你不爱我吗
- I'm sor... - NO!
So, Syria, any updates?
- No, nothing yet. - Nothing.
Do you remember how cute she was when she was little
- and she couldn't say her P's? - "BAKE A-TATOES."
"Bake a-tatoes" and "Attlesauce".
"Can I have attlesauce?"
First of all, you're screaming.
Can we just get the check, please?
Could you please not be mad at us anymore?
We are very sorry that you felt manipulated.
You know what I'm pretty sure is ironic?
You guys spend all this time worrying
about what I'm going to do,
and maybe you should start thinking
about what you're going to do.
What are you talking about?
Well, what are you gonna do when we're gone?
- Uh, to be fine. - Yeah.
- 'cause we're fine. - Totally.
We get an R.V. Bam!
and our dog, Merlin, hit the open road.
外加一条狗 默林 踏上旅程
No. I am not spending my golden years
driving around an R.V. park,
looking for a place to plug my house in.
No. I am gonna go see the world.
Where do you wanna go?
I don't know, Phil. India. Africa.
我不知道 菲尔 印度 非洲
Wow. It sounds like you guys really need to start thinking
about your future.
Are you just gonna put Merlin in a kennel when we're gone?
Okay, Phil, Merlin doesn't exist.
And why do you want to get a dog to take care of
so soon after the kids leave?
Well, I'm gonna need someone to love me, Claire.
And in the meantime, mom,
grandpa wants you to take over the business, but...
Do you want that?
I-I guess I hadn't thought this far into the future.
And, dad, are you just gonna keep selling houses?
I mean, I don't want to blow your mind here,
but you could still be a magician.
This salt shaker behind your head says different.
Oh, Phil, you're getting salt all over me.
I feel like a Margarita.
- You got it! - No, no, no, no, no, no!
-马上来 -不 不 不 不
Just the check, please.
- Thanks, buddy. - Yeah.
-谢了 兄弟 -多谢
Oh, no. I left my wallet in the other coat.
I did not bring my purse.
It's fine, guys. I got this.
- Honey, thank you. - Oh, thank you, sweetie.
-谢谢你宝贝 -谢谢你 亲爱的
- I should probably drive, too, huh? - Probably.
- I gue-- yeah. - Yeah.
-我觉得 也是 -是啊
Why don't you guys have the valet pull the car up
while I pay the check?
Uh, you guys, it's that way.
- Mm-hmm. - It is.
Y-you know, for the record, we do have a lot to talk about.
Yeah, we just took a couple of topics off the table
because we wanted to have a romantic date night.
And it probably put too much pressure on it to be special,
but the truth is, every day I spend with this man is special.
Oh, no, I'm the lucky one.
I guess I just panicked when Brandon asked me.
I mean, we're so different. And I know it seems petty,
but it speaks to something bigger.
I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life
with the kind of guy who won't let me eat off his plate.
Trust me -- it can be done.
And I should not make such a big deal about that.
I promise I'll try and do better.
No, you're right. You don't like it,
不 你说得对 你不喜欢我那样
and I should respect that more.
Are you guys married?
- But, basically, we've been married for years. - Yeah.
I-I mean, is Cam everything that I dreamed of?
Tread lightly, counselor.
Because through all the compromises
and negotiations and arguments
and sometimes even boredom,
I cannot picture my life without him.
I would've scooted past the boredom, but...
At the end of the day, Katie, you have to ask yourself,
说到最后 卡蒂 你必须问问你自己
can you imagine your life without this person?
I, uh, paid the check, okay? Let's just go.
Brandon, can you just please sit?
I've been talking to the guys here,
and they really opened my eyes.
I've been trying to picture my life without you, and...
We didn't tell her that.
No, I want what you guys have, okay?
不 我想和你们一样 懂吗
I'm sorry, Brandon.
I am so sorry, but we both deserve that.
I've never been so sure of anything.
You know what? I'm just...
gonna go get a cab, okay?
- Don't-- don't thank us! - We didn't do anything,
-别 别谢我们 -我们什么都没做
So... we didn't, honestly.
This is the worst night of my life.
But, I mean, um, a-at least now it's over.
You can... start to move on.
I've been trying to picture my life without you.
- S-stupid phone. - I can.
It's a... devil phone.
When Mitchell was born, he was a month premature.
So it was touch and go there for a while.
I walk out into the hospital waiting room to get some air,
He'd been sitting there for six hours
and refused to leave for the next two days.
That's where we got Mitchell's middle name.
We were a little premature on that one, too.
Gloria, I'm going for a drive!
Say hi to Shorty for me!
I'm not talking to you!
I was just coming to see you.
Um, I left my jacket.
Oh! There it is! Come on in.
Uh, Shorty, you know that stuff I said, uh --
- Yeah, I get it. - We're good, huh?
All right. I'll see you.
I need to say something to you.
I want to thank you...
for all the great times we've had.
- We had a lot of laughs. - Yeah.
And you should know that, uh...
you're my best friend.
Probably the best friend I'm ever gonna have.
Jay, I mean... what are you doing to me?
This is hard for me. I'm just...
I'm just trying to tell you how I feel.
Well, I'm gonna tell you how I feel.
I admire the hell out of you, Jay.
I always tell Darlene, "That's a real guy."
the kind of guy you want to be in a foxhole with.
Well, I'm not all that.
Well, it's not like I've been in a foxhole.
I'm gonna miss you, Vincent.
I'm gonna miss you, too.
I love you, too, Jay bird.
I really, really do.
You call me, okay?
this is a little girlier than I thought.
How could she just walk away?
- You know what? She did you a favor. - Absolutely.
-知道吗 她这是帮了你 -绝对的
- You can do so much better. - Oh, my god. Insanely better.
No, he's not kidding. Brandon, you are seriously gorge!
他没开玩笑 布兰登 你这么帅
If you ask me, she got the better end of the deal.
You really think so?
- Yes! Yes! - Yes!
And her whole fake blond thing? I don't know.
- It was kind of trampy. - And truth be told,
she didn't seem that bright.
And is she older than you?
- Because she looked significantly older than you. - Trust us.
This is the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Best thing that's ever happened to you.
Oh! Thank god you're still here!
I was on my way home, and all of a sudden, I started crying.
And I realized I was just scared.
And I love you. And I'm so, so sorry.
And, yes, Brandon, if you'll still have me,
我愿意 布兰登 如果你还愿意娶我
Yes, I will marry you!
- So nice meeting you. - Okay.