Okay, I've fed you.
Now, who's ready to watch some basketball?
Why am I looking at you?
Unlike you, I don't need a reason
to watch a bunch of guys run around in shorts.
Don't ruin this for me like you did
with Olympic diving.
- Cam? - Recording it.
Mitch and I are taking Alex and Manny to an art exhibit.
But, of course, everybody is welcome to join.
It's a retrospective on post-war abstract expressionism.
Wait. For school?
I don't even know who we fought
Told you one car was enough.
Looks like it's just the two amigos.
Oh, sorry to brunch and bail, grandpa,
but I've got a date.
A gorgeous guy I met at school.
Ooh, goes there or cleans there?
Answer the question.
So everyone's leaving?
No, I'm -- I'm not.
不 我 我不走啊
I wish I had known this before I served the good bacon.
You did not serve the good bacon.
Don't you have a tiny dress to buy?
We asked Gloria to take Lily
to pick out her flower-girl dress.
Yeah, we're clearly not following every wedding tradition,
but there will damn sure be one dress
the grooms don't see until the big day.
And we also asked Claire to go
because we thought her sensible style
nicely complements Gloria's flair.
That way Lily doesn't end up looking too...
I know you're talking to Joe,
but that still feels really good to hear.
Okay, clocking out.
You know, Andy, if you want,
you can stay and watch the game.
Otherwise, I'll just be here by myself.
I-I'd love to, Mr. P,
but I got to come up with an anniversary gift for my girlfriend.
I make her something different every year,
like a scrapbook or a nice scarf.
I was thinking maybe I could bake her some banana bread.
Ohh, I am the king of banana bread.
You know my secret?
Not such a secret.
I used to make stuff for Claire all the time.
Pretty sure my artistry is what locked her down.
I got to make this year's special.
With her in the coast guard,
I, like, hardly ever get to see her.
Well, this is just off the dome,
but, uh, maybe send her a fun video?
Ooh, she does love "Rock of Ages."
Or you could make your own video --
something romantic and personal
with real production value.
I got some pretty choice equipment back at the house.
I'd be happy to help.
- Would you really? - Yeah!
Great! Let's do it!
Luke, buddy, I'll pick you up later.
卢克 伙计 我晚点来接你
We can go check out some wheels.
I thought you were gonna stay and watch the game.
I knew you loved me.
Wheels? What, are you looking at cars already?
看轮子 怎么 你已经开始看车了吗
I have to pick a spring elective,
and dad thinks I should take ceramics
'cause lots of girls do.
You know what a lot of girls don't do?
Guys who take ceramics.
You got a wood shop at your school?
I can't really build stuff.
I mostly take apart and apologize.
You got to know how to build things.
I can build suspense.
What's a bridal store?
It's a place with the most wonderful dresses that you have ever seen.
We're gonna get you the perfect one
even if it takes us all day.
Oh, no, sweetie. That's a costume.
不 亲爱的 那是戏服
You can't wear a costume to a wedding.
Why not? Belle's a princess.
She faced the beast.
She stood up to the townspeople.
What have you done?
I...got us into that tiny,
little parking spot.
Princess dresses are not the only pretty dresses.
I want to be a princess.
I want to be a princess!
Stop that right now.
Your dads want you to have a flower-girl dress,
and that's what we're going to get you.
It was...it was marked "Compact" and --
and we're driving a minivan, so...
Hey, thanks for inviting us to this.
You know, I'm surprised that this particular foursome
doesn't hang out more often, considering --
We're the cultured ones in the family?
I wouldn't say that.
Outside of this group.
Did you know your father
actually goes to the grocery store to buy books?
I did know that, yeah.
I also know that the best way
to get my sister to fall asleep is to --
Show her a movie with subtitles.
Bonne nuit, mama.
We should be nice and grateful
that we have this day to spend together
in our own private salon.
Don't tell my mom that.
She'll show up and ask to get her roots done.
- Manny! - That's true. It's true.
-曼尼 -那是真的 是真的
I am so excited for this exhibit.
I'm such an admirer of Kandinsky.
You know, he was credited
with painting the first truly abstract work.
To be honest, I was a little nervous
about holding my own with those three,
so I did a little boning up on Kandinsky.
Figured it couldn't hurt to have a few facts in my pocket.
My backup plan was to touch a painting and get thrown out.
Miss, hi. Excuse me.
女士 你好 打扰一下
Can you tell us where the Kandinsky exhibit is?
You know, Wassily Kandinsky?
Born in Moscow, son of a tea merchant?
I'm sorry. That exhibit was temporary.
Oh, I love this Matisse.
You know this is one of his final works.
His failing health led to his exploration of paper cutouts.
Ah, yes. I believe he called it "Painting with scissors."
And he was also a contemporary of Picasso.
You can definitely see how they influenced each other.
Uh, well, you know, it really reminds me...
Well, not so much in look, more in texture.
No, please, sir, don't touch the art.
I'm sorry. I'll leave the premises.
No, it's -- it's fine.
Just take a few steps back.
Beth, I would swim the deepest, sharkiest oceans
What are you doing?
Well, now we have a blooper reel.
We're making a video love letter for Andy's girlfriend.
Your dad uses his computer to put in cool backgrounds
while I act out all the things that
I would do to be with her,
like swim an ocean or climb a mountain.
Ooh, how about you buy a plane ticket
and visit her like a normal person?
I would, but the coast guard keeps her really busy.
Eyes. Does she like it?
She's probably so lonely with only two other women
to talk to in her whole 40-person unit.
So you're saying it's just your girlfriend
and 36 super in-shape dudes?
37. And it's not what you think.
The coast guard seriously frowns on fraternizing.
That doesn't make it hot.
Oh, I got some on your face.
You're gonna shine.
I'll go get some of my -- Claire's powder.
My Claire. She's my wife.
I thought you had a date to go on.
When's he gonna get here?
He's just, like, a few minutes late.
A real man would be more considerate of your time.
That's why every year People magazine
names the "Consideratest" man alive.
Oh, man, you can make fun of me all you want,
but when you grow up,
you'll see what qualities make up a real man.
Someone say "Makeup"?
All right, here we go.
Oh, yeah. Much better.
You know what? I think I'm gonna shadow down here.
Gloria, you are gonna love this one.
I think we have finally found the perfect dress.
It's nice, but I don't like the bow.
We've tried on six dresses already.
She's fine with this. Right, Lily?
她对这条没意见 对吧 莉莉
See? She loves it. Done.
瞧 她很喜欢 搞定
Go try the lace one.
Why are you dragging this out?
Because we haven't found the right dress.
You have got to be a better shopper than this.
I have seen you buy three outfits while driving a car.
Come on. It's fun.
I don't have any daughters.
All I get to buy is tuxedos,
and they all look the same.
But don't tell Manny that
because I don't want to hear another lecture.
I have never cared about any of this stuff.
I didn't even wear a wedding dress when I married Phil.
Never even tried one on.
Easy. That is the reaction
for when there's a man behind me with a gun.
All I said is I don't care about wedding dresses.
Because you've never been in one.
I'm gonna pick some for you to try.
Okay, no, no. No need.
Come on, you'll feel beautiful.
Then you can go back to your...boy clothes.
I bought this shirt for Luke and I couldn't return it.
And I don't have all day to try on dresses.
It'll be fun for me.
You're my stepdaughter.
You see? It's already fun.
We're gonna start by building a simple toolbox.
First, I'm gonna show you how to cut the wood.
I know you're a little young for this, goober.
Try to soak it all up.
I already went through this with Mitchell.
That's what we're here to prevent.
Didn't your dad teach you any of this stuff?
He says the only tool you need is a sense of humor.
'Cause who needs the jaws of life
if you have a good knock-knock joke?
Luke, grab the goggles over there, please.
And try to pay attention.
Hey, grandpa, can you bench 180 pounds?
I just said pay attention.
And that's actually 205 with the bar.
I'll lift that for you later.
I can see you're not gonna let up about that.
Now, if this thing goes south,
I want you to call 911
and tell Joe his old man died as he lived --
saving a trainload of people.
All right. That's enough for now.
Tell me everything you know about women.
Yeah, that last thing.
Funny. Funny. Funny.
有趣 有趣 有趣
I must be a little behind you guys.
Do you feel what's happening here?
- I feel pinching. - No.
I'm the weak link of this super group.
They know it and I know it.
It's fine when we're all in a big group,
but once we're separated from the herd,
the hooves come out.
Don't you mean "Claws"?
Clawed animals don't travel in herds, Mitchell.
Packs, flocks, and prides.
Why can't we be on a farm?
I'd make you all look like such idiots.
I'm just gonna wait outside.
Wh-- no. Cam, come on.
不 小卡 别这样
You're being silly.
To be perfectly honest,
I-I really needed Cam to stay.
I-I took an art history class once,
but that was just to look at naked Italian dudes, so...
you're in subzero temperatures.
The only thing keeping you warm
is the heat of your fiery passion.
My beautiful Beth --
- Colder! - My b-b-beautiful B-Beth.
- Colder! - B-B-B-B--
You're so beautiful to me!
Why am I so intent on helping Andy?
I love filmmaking and I love love.
I guess you could say I enjoy making love on film,
and now I don't have to do it by myself.
Beth, this is my long way of saying I miss you.
Th-- uh. You know, this is weird.
I don't really know where to look.
No, it's not weird.
J-just look deep into my eyes and sweep me off my feet.
Yeah, that's weird.
Haley, honey, can you help us?
海莉 亲爱的 帮帮我们吧
I don't think anyone can.
Just let Andy hold you "Officer and a gentleman" style,
and I'll superimpose Beth's face over yours on the computer.
I know. I can do anything with this.
If she's not comfortable
You know what, guys?
This whole thing is really sad and pathetic.
No girl wants a guy that tries this hard.
If I got this video,
I'd call the police.
Some girls actually like guys who are nice to them.
Some girls like 36 of them.
Okay, this is passion.
Andy, pick her up.
All right, let's just get this over with.
Oh, my gosh, he's actually picking me up! Dad!
天啊 他真的把我抱起来了 爸爸
It's just for a minute.
Now lock eyes and...
Honey, this is my long way of saying I miss you.
I don't have to climb a mountain
or swim an ocean to be with you,
'cause you're always with me--
You deserve more than I could possibly ever give you,
but everything I have is yours.
I really felt that one.
Did you feel that one?
No, I didn't feel anything.
I was talking to Andy.
I know! Put me down, freak!
我知道 放我下来 变态
That really takes me back to my cheerleading days.
How could a guy with so much pain
create such hopeful imagery?
I certainly couldn't paint like that
if my mother was dying of consumption.
The last time she had a cold,
I could barely arrange the flowers on the front table.
You know what I found so interesting?
Was that the first painting and the last painting
and I think that that was intentional,
a comment on the perpetual motion of life.
The first painting was the last painting.
We walked in a circle.
So...you know, I'm gonna go check on Cam
because he's been alone f-for quite some time.
And, you know, he's probably touching a painting.
We're having such a good time.
I guess it's just you and me now.
It was okay when Cam left
and passed the dunce cap to Mitchell,
but with him gone,
What I would've given to have Luke there.
Sweet as custard and just as smart.
Thank you so much, Mr. Dunphy.
I wish I could repay you somehow.
Nah. Next time you're with your girlfriend,
Your lunch date? It's 5:00.
But he texted me right when he woke up.
Well, then, you'd think he'd be well-rested enough
to walk to the front door.
Yeah, a gentleman honks to support the troops,
not summon his girlfriend.
Although my girlfriend is a troop,
so in my case, it's a little confusing.
Oh, my god, it's still talking.
Because it knows you're not being respected.
- Thank you. - You bet.
Ugh. You guys don't understand how dating works
in the real world.
What are you talking about?
Look at everything Andy did for Beth today.
I just live my life to make her happy.
I'm gonna give this to the mailman
who's gonna give it to the coast guard,
and by this time tomorrow,
someone in the coast guard's
gonna be giving it to my girlfriend.
Can you imagine the smile on her face
when she takes it all in?
Okay, I'm gonna go while you two replay that in your minds.
Would you like to re-enact "Gravity"?
Yes. Sandra Bullock!
Good call. That was quick.
That's what I get after I waited for you all afternoon?
You were supposed to pick me up hours ago.
You were, like, the first or second person
I texted after I woke up.
Aww! That's so sweet.
Did it even occur to you who comes to the door?
Comes to the door?
Could you at least open the car door for me?
Go take another nap.
I'd rather wait for someone
who'd walk through a blizzard for me
and only honks to support the troops!
I don't understand you.
Claire, you look beautiful.
Look at yourself in the mirror.
Don't tell me that you don't feel gorgeous and special.
Oh, it's like I'm in a...
in a fairy tale or a dream.
Look who raised me.
I am my father's daughter...
and also kind of his son.
And I lied about that being Luke's shirt.
I bought it for myself in three colors.
I am trying to help you out here, Gloria,
But this just isn't me.
I am glad I didn't have daughters.
You know, at least when I take Manny shopping,
we make a day of it.
I don't even have to ask him to twirl
because he just does it.
No? She's gone. She's gone.
没有吗 她走了 她走了
- Lily! - Wait. Wait.
-莉莉 -等等 等等
Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily!
莉莉 莉莉 莉莉
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
等等 等等 等等
I can't run in these shoes!
I bet you wish you had boy shoes now, huh?
- Claire, stop! - What?
-克莱尔 等一下 -怎么了
- Look! - Oh, my god.
Okay, run, run. Come on. Come on!
好的 跑 跑起来 快点
She looks so happy.
Oh, she really does.
They're gonna kill us.
What sort of princess?
The kind that dances with beasts
and won't marry Gaston.
- Really? - What?
It's the only dress she likes.
Lily wants to come to the wedding as Belle.
She went to Pepper's Seder as Dora the explorer.
A-As long as she's happy.
A gay wedding is hardly the place to stop someone
from being who they want to be.
They said it's fine.
Yay! I'm finally happy!
I saw you twirl.
Such a pretty girl.
How about that daughter of ours?
She marches to the beat of her own drum, huh?
S-so, why are we so concerned
what two nerdy teenagers think of us?
Isn't the true mark of intelligence
being able to admit what you don't know?
Shh. Here comes Manny.
Oh, my god. Did he hear me?
Hey, what are you doing out here?
You guys invited us so we could spend the day together.
It felt wrong that you two are out here
and I was in there all alone with Alex.
Couldn't keep up, could you?
She knows everything.
She made a docent cry.
It's okay. We're faking it, too.
There you guys are.
Uh, we were just headed back in.
Yeah, I'm getting a second wind.
Oh, no, no, no. That's okay.
不 不 没关系
Uh, what do you say we go check out some food trucks?
I'll go back in if you guys want,
but I'm actually really hungry.
- Yeah, whatever you want. - Okay, well, whatever you need,
If I'm being honest,
I had to get out of there.
I was exhausted from having to dumb it down all day.
Yeah, a kiss on the neck opens all kinds of doors.
是啊 脖子上一吻 什么门都能开
Great job, champ.
Who said you can't build anything?
My dad, the police, a doctor.
我爸爸 警察 医生
Trust me. Take shop.
Hey, how'd you get to know so much about everything?
From my dad, mostly.
He taught me how to use a drill,
fake an injury when a buddy asks you to help him move.
Everything a man needs to get by.
I'm just glad I have someone to pass it on to.
Manny came to me kind of fully cooked.
And I was an idiot with Mitchell,
and by the time this guy gets old enough,
who knows how much I'll remember?
These are my prime wisdom-giving years.
You got any more questions, Luke?
The beer? Sure. What the hell.
啤酒 当然 管他呢
Awesome. My first drink of beer.
I remember the day I gave Mitchell
his first taste of beer.
He winced and carried on
like someone was digging a bullet out of his leg.
I couldn't take that moment away from Phil.
Hang on. Wait a second.
No, this beer's skunked.
Damn fridge must be on the fritz again.
It's probably time to call your dad anyway, right?
I want to give you something.
But those are yours.
What's a grandfather for
if he can't give his grandson a couple of tools?
I know you're all about the boobs right now,
Don't worry, George Clooney, I won't!
别担心 乔治·克鲁尼 我不会的
You're too handsome!
Watch out for incoming space junk!
Your zipper's down!
- Yeah, it is. - Just... sorry.
What's Andy doing here?
They're making a video for his girlfriend.
Yeah? What's it called, "Dorks in space"?
是吗 叫什么 《太空蠢货》吗
Oh, it was actually sweet.
There's something about him.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, he's just like dad.
In space, no one can hear you scream.
In space, no one can hear you scream!
I can't hear you!
That's good. That's good.
There's no denying it is original,
but you can see the influence of Pollock.
While the pattern seems haphazard and random,
it belies a purposefulness -- a-an intentionality.
You know, I think what I'm responding to
is the clashing juxtaposition of color --
The bright yellow against the dark background.
It's like a ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak world.
If I may take a contrary position...
...I think it speaks to the absurdity
and folly of human endeavor.
Like our futile struggle for perfection.
I got mustard on my shirt.
I know we're joking,
but all kidding aside,
it really does remind me of Kandinsky's --