Yeah, I think I might go with "Best person."
Is this about mom again? I told you, I'm fine.
又是老妈的事吗 我说过了 我没事
I was just a little sad for you.
and you and dad are hardly even speaking.
Not if I leave you first!
Attention! Attention, please!
The fire has jumped the freeway.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
If you're evacuating the whole area,
can't you just do us last?
I don't think you realize
how close you are to actual flames.
Hello. Pepper Saltzman.
Big supporter of yours.
Have all your calendars.
We've waited 10 years.
Can we please have an hour?
I can give you 30 minutes.
We can make that work!
The wedding will go on just in a slightly pared-down version.
Claire, you're up front.
Flower girl, strewing.
Grooms, come with me.
"Ooh! Ahh! They look so handsome!"
Quartet, quartet, quartet!
四重唱 四重唱 四重唱
And cue Sal. Start after your limerick.
Ugh! We're all making sacrifices, dear.
I have a Prius full of monarch butterflies
who are apparently coming home with me.
No! No, it did not! I am barely pregnant!
不 没有破 我才刚刚怀孕
Thank you all for being here on this joyous occasion.
There once was a homo named Tucker --
Sal, stop. No, you're going into labor!
萨尔 快停下 不行 你要分娩了
Also, just stop!
But we've only been together four months.
I just love you so much,
I can't wait to have your baby.
God! Kids ruin everything!
Yeah, they sure do.
Let's get you to the hospital and have our miracle baby.
Just so you know,
sometimes when babies come this early...
Okay, this is a disaster!
We have no one to marry us!
Dearly beloved, that is a problem.
Thanks to $35 and the internet,
you are looking at
the good reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.
Over the last year, I've dropped a few subtle hints
to Mitch and Cam that I was available.
Hey, have you guys decided who's gonna officiate your wedding?
'cause I got ordained online.
Oh, my God. A wallaby!
Phil, you're a lifesaver. Thank you.
菲尔 你真是大救星 谢谢你
No thanks necessary.
Cameron, marrying you would
make me the happiest man on earth.
Everyone, attention, please!
I've been informed by the fire chief
we need to leave immediately!
- The winds have shifted! - What?
But w-we have 30 minutes!
A fellow wedding facilitator has informed me
a beautiful space just became available.
To the shuttles!
But we don't know a thing about this place.
Let's go over it.
It's a quaint, rustic spot,
though its chief selling point
is it's not about to become a kiln!
To the shuttles!
Cam, where are the shuttles
that brought everyone up from the parking lot?
Apparently they were double booked.
This is the best Pepper could do.
This is how we're getting everyone to the wedding?
Half our guests are gay.
We're finally giving them
a good memory on a school bus.
That doesn't look completely sewn on.
You might want to get something to cover that.
What did you say to Merle that make him want to leave Barb?
We were just shooting the breeze --
Wedding day, DeDe,
how happy I am now that I'm with you.
Why would you say something like that?
Now you're breaking somebody's heart.
I didn't mean for her to get hurt.
Not her, him when he realizes
不是巴布 是莫尔 当他意识到
that not every second wife looks like this.
Thank you for lending me your jacket, Jay.
It's good to know there are still gentlemen in the world.
Oh, it's you, Barb.
I didn't see you there on account of
my bright future.
Thank you, Gloria.
Standing up to that old goat
was best thing I ever did.
What's all that about?
No, no. The thing is that she told me a story about a goat
and it's very old and then the goat --
Oh, don't give me that.
I told her to express herself.
I believe that in a good marriage,
a woman can ex--
Fine. Whatever. I'll undo it.
好吧 无所谓 我来解决
We can't let Cam know what the situation with his parents is.
He's very delicate.
I can't believe I'm involved
in breaking up yet another marriage.
Hey, hey. How you holding up?
Uh, I've had better days.
But you and me -- we're cool, right?
We probably have some things that we should talk about,
but maybe we save it for a less-stressful day.
This is not your fault, by the way.
the fire was an act of God.
Not that God sent a fireball down
to keep a couple guys from getting married, but, uh...
I didn't say that right.
There's no way that this -- any of this --
is part of God's plan.
Save something for the toast, dad.
Where do you want this?
Bus five. What's wrong with your voice?
The three of us just took a road trip.
We sang Broadway tunes
all the way to the Texas border.
And then from the other side of Texas to Florida.
Hey, so you're, like, the minister?
Kinda. When they lost Sal,
the situation was a no-brainer,
which made them think of me.
Isn't there a lot you have to remember to marry people?
Not really. They all follow the same basic pattern.
"We're gathered here today to join these two
Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded spouse?"
And the first person says --
Then I ask the second person,
"Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded spouse?"
- You know the drill, right? - I do.
Then I say, "By the powers vested in me
by the state of California,
I now pronounce you legally wed."
Bingo, bango, bongo, you're married.
Look, Barb, I know what you're going through.
You and Merle are at a crossroads in your marriage.
It feels like the end of the world,
but in time, you'll see it more as a --
A little hiccup that we all go through.
My advice -- don't do anything.
Just take some time and breathe.
Maybe through your nose.
Did you happen to find anything in one of my pockets?
Funny you should "Flask."
Maybe I'll just take that.
Well, it's much lighter now, isn't it?
I think this is the same seat I used to nervously scratch at
on my way to school.
Even then I felt such pressure to be perfect.
Andy's flight is delayed again.
Okay. That was close.
We almost connected on a human level.
He's doing the dumbest thing.
His girlfriend broke up with him,
and he's flying out to win her back.
That sounds so romantic.
This girl throws a fit, he goes running.
If they get back together, she has all the power.
Oh, my god. You like him.
No, I don't. What?
不 我才没有 什么啊
This is so hilarious.
He's totally not your type.
Please. You can't stop thinking about him, you're checking on him.
拜托 你一直想着他 查看他的情况
He's not even like a real person.
He's like a muppet.
I don't even get some of Sal's remarks here.
"Marriage is like a freeway --
Messy, but if you communicate, it's so worth it."
很凌乱 但如果你们交流 就很值得
Honey, that does not say "Freeway."
亲 那不是"高速公路"[threeway: 三人式]
I can't use any of this,
but I don't want the whole ceremony to be generic.
There needs to be some magic in it.
Well, you can read a poem or maybe --
I like your last idea -- a magic trick.
I did not suggest a magic trick.
After all, what's better than magic
to symbolize the wonder of marriage?!
Excuse me. I'm talking to you.
They looked good on you in the store,
but now you're not sure.
That was the topic 10 minutes ago.
Well, maybe if I stapled the sports page to my head,
you'd pay attention.
As long as it covered your mouth.
- What? - Nothing.
Ugh, when are we going to be there?
Soon, honey. Very soon.
快了 亲爱的 很快了
Come on. Give us a smile.
Remember, this is the happiest day
of your dads' lives.
The butterflies are eating me!
Well, who told you to jostle the crate?!
Oh, blah. One got in my mouth.
What a bunch of babies.
Pepper said it was nice. I hope we like it.
Cam, Cam, listen, whatever's on the other side of this curtain,
we cannot be disappointed.
Today is not about flowers or superficial things.
- Oh, thank god. - It's pretty. I was so scared!
-谢天谢地 -好漂亮 我害怕死了
Oh, I love it, I love it. I could cry!
Oh, don't cry. You'll streak your bronzer.
Everyone, please take your seats!
We'll be starting in cinco minutes,
Do you ever notice with Ronaldo
how his language barrier sort of fluctuates?
How is this place even available?
Oh, dreadful story.
Runaway bride, suicidal groom, feuding families.
新娘跑了 新郎闹自杀 世仇家族
It really puts our mundane problems in perspective.
Oh, we can't dim the lights.
These are not young men!
Why don't you two go freshen up?
Why am I seeing only half a quartet?
Ed and jim are volunteer firemen.
Try to play in front of a mirror.
- A kiss for luck. - Oh, okay. Yes.
-幸运之吻 - 好吧 好吧
A kiss for luck, my little gingersnap!
Oh, okay. Oh, wow, barb.
Oh, oh, good thing we're out of the fire zone.
Well, you know your dad gave me a little wedding helper.
I didn't know the jacket still had a --
Flask. Yeah. Oh, that's nice.
酒瓶 是啊 真好
You know, at the end of the ceremony,
so you might want to fill 'er up.
This is how you try to fix things?
- You get her drunk? - Don't blame him.
She's been a loose cannon
ever since she started going
to that church service that starts at 10:30.
They play guitar music.
It's a celebration.
The pastor wears one of them madonna microphones.
Oh, madonna microphones.
Where's my little corn silk?
Hey, you want to go out and do something fun after this thing?
No, I was thinking about staying in tonight
and spending some time with joe.
Ugh, you never want to do anything
since that baby came along.
- How are you? - I'm good.
You -- you have the, um --
Marriage license, rings, signing pen, toast?
结婚证 戒指 签字笔 祝酒词吗
There's a reason I'm the best person.
You know that's just a title for today, right?
Yeah, I'm the best person at this wedding.
I'm still kind of hearing -- what is that?
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
That's pollen. Oh, no.
- Honey. - Don't look at me.
I only had one corsage.
Where's your sister?
Andy! You're still here?
My flight keeps getting delayed because of weather.
Oh, so does the wedding.
Wait. Is fire weather?
- There was a fire? - Yeah.
Guess that explains that smoking dress.
Well, if you're -- if you're just killing time,
the new wedding venue is nearby.
You could totally come and hang.
I don't think I'm exactly dressed for it.
Of course, if I was with you,
no one would even look at me.
That is quite enough pie for you, young man.
Ugh. I've got to get back.
Um, look, I didn't come here for coffee.
Andy, I don't think it's a good idea
for you to get on that plane.
I don't think Beth is worth it.
You don't even know Beth.
I think I've been her.
For every 10 letters you write, she writes one.
She's always the one who ends the phone call.
You happen to mention when your birthday's coming up
because you know deep down she's already forgotten it.
Meanwhile, she gives you just enough to keep you on the hook.
Of course I didn't leave, mom.
You walked past me two seconds ago.
I'm just saying, you deserve better.
I'm waving at you!
I'm walking towards you!
Lily, here you go. I'm taking your corsage.
莉莉 来 我需要你的胸花
You're the flower girl.
It's part of your job.
Read the fine print. Thank you.
- Claire! - What?
I-I need the rings.
- For what? - To practice our trick.
Come on, come on, come on.
Oh, honey, I don't know about the magic trick.
Don't you think people should be
focused on Cam and Mitch?
I'm hoping so. It's the perfect misdirect.
Okay, here's how we're gonna do this.
- You hold the rings. - Okay.
I say, "They say the best marriages
contain just a little bit of magic."
We hold up our arms.
You let go of the rings.
They slide down the thread
as if mysteriously floating
all the way -- half the way to me.
Merle, I know that after talking to Jay,
you think that there are better things out there for you.
Who says there isn't?
Take a trip with me to the future.
It's a regular night at the local honky tonk.
Look, who's that man sitting alone in the bar?
A beautiful woman approaches.
She asks, "Is this seat taken?"
He says, "No," and then she grabs the chair
and goes sits next to a much younger,
much handsomer-looking man.
Then Merle turns around to the bartender
And say, "Happy Tuesday, huh?"
The bartender replies,
"Don't you mean 'Merry Christmas'?"
It was Christmas the whole time!
Okay, it's show time. Cue the processional.
Phil, as they say in my native South Carolina,
it's time to marry your brother-in-law.
Flower girl, work those petals.
Wedding party walking.
I'll be right there.
Okay. Last looks.
This is my second favorite suit of yours.
Right after your birthday suit.
Hey. Cut it out. I'm practically a married man.
You know, you scared me earlier with what your dad said.
Well, just about the fire, you know...
being a sign we shouldn't get married.
It was kind of apocalypticy.
- No. - Then the sky turned dark.
Yeah, because of the fire.
Well, and then we had a flood.
You know, Sal -- sploosh.
I think you're stretching just a little bit.
Because we paid for this room!
Mr. and Mrs. Lucas, we just need 20 minutes!
Cut the boy soprano.
No, we need these people out of here!
I can see you want to run again, don't you?
On your mark, get set, live, baby!
各就各位 预备 过自己的生活去吧
You don't need that!
You don't see this as another biblical sign?
A swarm of "Lucases."
Slight change, everyone!
There's always a plan "C"!
Oh! They're everywhere!
What is wrong with you people?
Leave the box alone!
Oh, if that thing is coming in,
we need to put a few more people on the lawn.
Okay, this place is cozy, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
没错 没错 没错
It's fine. It's -- oh, it's going to be fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
就是 就是 就是
Although we may need to
sit some of the overflow guests upstairs.
Oh, we don't -- we don't own the upstairs.
I always assumed there was a nicer part
you weren't showing me.
Make sure their checks have cleared.
Just get another caterer here
or these people will be eating butterfly bisque!
Okay, I'm trying to remain calm,
but you realize that's another sign of the apocalypse, right?
He sounds as bad as Steven, Stefan,
Oh, so what you're saying
is we have four hoarse men?
Stop with the frowning.
Today, you smile for your son.
Tomorrow, you can do whatever you want.
Tomorrow, I might just move out.
Oh, now I feel a smile coming on.
Oh, my god. You're texting Andy now?
I'm just letting him know he can hang out here if he wants.
Haley, I hope you know what you're doing.
I'm not doing anything.
I mean, it's one thing if you're actually into him,
but if you're just playing around with him
for the fun of it...
Here's the thing about nice, quiet dorks like Andy.
You get over us much faster than
Hi. Sorry. So sorry.
Excuse me. It's my husband.
"They say the best marriages" --
I don't mean to rush you,
but there's like 80 people waiting to get in here.
No, no, no. I'm so glad you're here.
I just worked up a new magic trick.
I start by saying, "They say the best marriages
contain just a little bit of magic."
Then in my sleeves, I've rigged two confetti poppers
that I found in Lily's closet.
So when I raise my arms...
Really? You're not gonna say, "Don't do that"?
No, I mean, I don't think you need the magic trick,
but if you do it, I'm sure you'll be great.
Oh, god, let me get that. Honey! No!
天啊 别动我来 亲爱的 不
No, no, water's on! Water's on!
不要 水开了 水开了
-Just a minute. - Just a minute.
-Hey Andy. - Hey.
-你好 安迪 -你好
Has the wedding started yet?
Oh, yeah, lots of times.
-What's up? - Oh, nothing.
Hey, that thing you said before about me deserving better,
you just meant, like, in general, right?
You weren't thinking of anyone in particular?
Yeah, no, I-I just meant you deserve to be happy.
对 不 我的意思是你值得拥有幸福
And if it's this girl, great.
If not, great.
Um, sometimes the hardest part
is just figuring out what you want.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Well, enjoy the wedding.
Thanks. Have a nice trip.
I'm so glad we did this.
I know. Who were we kidding?
It was so gonna happen.
I can't get enough of this.
No, Mitch is fine. Still mad at me, though.
不 米奇没事 不过还在生我的气
You know how touchy he can be, Dede.
Remember when we tried to cheer him up
after his first ice-skating competition?
How were we supposed to know third place is a good thing?
Remember he tromped off
across that muddy field in his skates?
He sunk like a woolly mammoth.
Hey, Dede, if you're around the fourth of July,
you should come by and watch the wedding video.
No, we're out of town in August.
All right. Well, soon. Okay.
好吧 很快的 好的
Oh, Dede, I don't think I have your new --
Okay, it's magic time, everyone!
Phil, please take your place beneath our majestic arch.
Where's the other one?
He rode with the caterer who flipped his truck.
Why do good things happen to everyone but me?
Let's send the flower girl
before she's a flower teenager.
- What is ... - Yeah. Like I'm the problem.
-搞毛 -行了 搞得像问题出在我身上一样
Yeah, he should be right --
He's out on the sidewalk on the phone.
Do you want me to go get him?
No, no, I don't. Let's just -- come on.
不 不想 我们就...算了
Let's just do this.
Is this really how you want to get married?
Well, it's not ideal.
No, people don't have any rice to throw
because they're chewing it raw out of starvation.
Half of our guests are on the lawn and...
There go the sprinklers.
Okay, let's just call time of death on this.
Hey, everybody, um, thank you so much
那个 大家 非常感谢你们
for, uh, for dealing with all this today.
It means a lot to us.
But unfortunately, this is not gon--
Stop. You can't do this.
I'm way ahead of you, dad,
and thank you for stopping by.
What I mean is, you can't get married like this.
You two deserve the kind of wedding
you've been talking about nonstop
for the last nine months.
What do you mean?
You bring it up every chance that you get.
I know what nonstop means!
Now, what are we all standing around for?
My son's getting married today.
It's what this golf club needs.
Shake it up a little.
How often do your fathers get married?
So far, one, two...
Why am I still seeing you?
You can take your seat, dad.
We're about to start.
Actually, I thought you and I would take a little walk.
I remember it like it was yesterday --
The day that Mitchell came home from the hospital
in a very unfashionable white diaper
with three strands of scraggly raggedy andy hair.
If he's doing it, I'm doing it.
You coming, Barb?
You old sweet talker.
We were inseparable.
I was his big sister,
his big brother, his nemesis,
his protector, his best friend.
I was his first partner.
And I loved every minute of it.
Thank you all for being here on this happy occasion.
They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic.
We're gathered here today to join two amazing people.
So naturally, I was a little picky
when it came to who was going to be replacing me,
And then I met this Cam.
And sure, he was warm and funny and loving.
当然 他很温暖 风趣 有爱
Cameron, do you take Mitchell to be your husband?
Cameron, would you please place this ring on Mitchell's finger?
Mitchell, do you take Cameron to be your husband?
Then by the powers vested in me by the state of California,
I am privileged to pronounce you spouses for life.
You may now kiss your husband.
everything I wanted for my brother?
Was he really the best person?"
No, I'm the best person.
And now I am very pleased to raise a glass
And introduce for the first time ever --
on our fourth try --
great husbands, Mitch and Cam.
The way you look at my sister.
You do it all the time, you know.
Just not in front of me, okay?
So, have you heard from your dads on their honeymoon?
You must really miss them, don't you?
Sorry. I was being dramatic.
No, you were right.
You'll hate yourself.
It's like they never left.