I’m sure how mom and dad are surprised
by the anniversary breakfast we’re bringing to them.
I hate to walk in if they are naked.
Yes, that kind of image could haunt someone
是啊 即便几年过去 每当夜不能寐
if she tries to sleep even years later.
Oh, relax. I think you are safe.
It’s our 20th anniversary,
so today at the school fair,
a band called the Dad Beats
is gonna surprise Claire with a power love ballad.
And the lead singer -- you might want to sit down --
is the one and only --
get up on your feet! -- this guy!
*She's a pretty sight*
*Wise as a buddha*
*But, brother, watch that bite*
*’cause she's a Claire-acuda*
Or maybe an existing song.
Do you want to get your face painted
like a pretty butterfly?
No. I'm just not in the mood.
Lily, what about you?
Maybe I will have them paint
"Worst coach ever" on my forehead.
Cam's coaching freshman football,
and his team's losing,
and it's making him, uh, a little tense.
Protect it like it's your baby!
You dropped your baby!
You dropped your baby!
They're running away with your baby!
Go get your baby!
That's the worst call since
they cast Russell Crowe in "Les Mis,"
You see the way everyone's glaring at me?
- No. - Like a big loser coach.
All in your head.
I'm the Hester Prynne of freshman football.
I may as well have a
scarlet "L" sewn on my shirt.
Well, then, everyone would think you're Laverne.
That was a tough loss last night.
Yeah, yeah. Sure was.
I feel your frustration. Sure do.
Uh, Mitchell, this is John. He's Trevor's dad.
- Sorry. - Star running back.
Well, maybe not for long.
I'm seriously thinking about pulling him from the team.
'cause trevor's getting killed out there.
You got no one to block for him.
I-I hear what you're saying, and you're not wrong,
but give me a little time.
Well, that is not appropriate fair behavior at all.
You know what might make you feel better?
Gathering my team and putting the fear of God in them.
I was gonna say a churro.
Hey, hey, lead foot, easy on the turns!
I worked hours on this cake.
You're sure you want to do this?
I'm going to win the cake contest,
and then there'll be no stopping me.
From what? A beating?
First-place ribbons earn respect, Jay.
Not if your competition's
a bunch of old ladies and weirdos.
Could you just be nice?
You didn't seem to care
when you were eating all his practice cake.
What are you gonna do, pal?!
About to ask you the same thing.
Did you not see my blinker?
- Nope. - Then you're blind, 'cause it's on.
-没 -那你就是瞎了 灯还在闪呢
Looking at you, I'm guessing it was on the whole way here.
I got all day and satellite radio.
I don't care if parking here is on your bucket list.
I've got two books on tape, a space blanket,
and a protein bar in the glove box.
I will sleep here if I have to.
Ay, but we are.
- Who are you? - Oh, my god!
You scared the hell out of me!
Okay, language. There's a baby in the house.
Uh, that baby happens to be my uncle.
You need to tell Mr. P you broke one of his beers.
I'm Alex. Who are you?
I’m their Manny.
I know their Manny, and you look nothing like him.
I'm their male nanny, Andy.
You really need to move.
Okay, well, I'll be out by the pool.
Not without permission, you're not.
- I'm gonna call Mr. and Mrs. P. - Oh, wait!
Um...seriously, Mandy, do you, uh --
说真的 曼迪 你...
do you really have to do that?
I see what you're doing.
because I have a girlfriend
of eight years back in Utah.
That's pretty young, but I guess they do things
differently over there.
and we're engaged... to be engaged.
It's -- it's a pre-engagement.
She's in the coast guard.
- In Utah? - Yeah.
It's the largest salt lake in the western hemisphere.
Oh, good. She's protecting our lake.
I'll be out by the pool.
Your boss is calling you.
Hey! There she is.
Yeah, I'm not giving you any money.
I don't need your money -- I need advice...
Gross, but I'm intrigued, so talk.
真恶心 但我很感兴趣 说吧
Alex. Hey, Girlita.
Sienna is amazing -- stylish, worldly --
西恩娜太棒了 她时髦 善于处世
and she's so new to our school, she doesn't even realize
that I'm a full social class below her.
I need to cement the friendship
before she finds out we have a cafeteria.
I've been looking all over for you.
Uh, this is my little brother, Luke.
He wants advice on some lame crush he has.
So, Luke, who is this mystery woman?
Um...just some girl.
And her name is Sienna.
You know, Manny, I'm just gonna say this one last time.
- I doubt that. - Give me that.
You want to fit in?
You're not doing yourself any favors
with this cake contest.
I don't know. Chefs get all the girls.
Bakers are girls --
Betty Crocker, Mrs. Fields, Little Debbie.
贝蒂·克罗克 菲尔斯太太 小黛比
What about the Pillsbury Doughboy?
That's a good one, Manny!
Well, well, well. Jay Pritchett.
Nice of you to finally show up.
- What's happening? - You're an official fair cop.
- Your wife volunteered you. - Gloria!
I love you! Have fun!
- What is this? - It's for charity.
People pay for you to arrest
and throw somebody in jail for 10 minutes.
And here comes your partner.
Oh, hell, no. I'm not working with this clown.
Hey, who are you calling a clown, bucket list?
I see you two have already met.
That was my space and you know it.
Tell it to my car. You know where to find it.
Hey, enough of you two squabbling.
I've got the PTA breathing down my neck.
Just pin these on and get to work.
Nope. Can't do the badge. Sorry.
不行 我不能别警徽 抱歉
My wife just bought me this shirt,
and if I ruin it, she'll kill me.
You're afraid you'll ruin your blouse.
It's not a blouse! It's a shirt.
She bought it at the men's department, so it's a shirt.
Here's your first arrest.
She's over at the Dizzy Dragon.
Word on the midway is she's tougher than she looks.
- Think you can handle it? - Why couldn't I handle it?
'Cause she's your daughter.
Oh, hi, Mr. Chang. Yeah.
What do you mean you're at the house already?
You're not supposed to be there for another two hours.
I have a long history of giving Phil
bad anniversary gifts,
but this year, I have planned something amazing.
The traditional 20th gift is china,
but what am I gonna do, give him a plate?
I already did that.
Honey, um, what do you say we pack it in and go home?
What? No. I mean, we just got here.
什么 不行 我们才刚到
I haven't even whacked a mole yet.
I know, but I just got off the Ferris wheel,
and I'm feeling really queasy.
But you're gonna miss the Dad Beats.
Let's get you a fried pickle!
Phil, I might throw up.
No one throws up until I sing.
Phil, we got to go. We got to go home now.
菲尔 我们得走了 现在就回家
Sure. Why not? Nothing keeping you here.
行 好吧 又没什么把你困在这里
Why are you acting weird?
I'm not acting weird.
Ma'am, I am afraid you are under arrest.
Uh, no. Dad, tell him I can't do this right now.
不 爸 告诉他我现在没空玩这游戏
Go ahead. Read her the charges.
All right. Let's see.
You have been charged with unlawful sexiness
and possession of a hot booty.
- Guilty as charged. - Stop it!
All right, 10 minutes in the slammer.
I don't have time for this. Phil!
What are you doing, perv?!
Getting proof of where the two missing beers went.
You can't drink that out here.
Hmm. Let's see if you're right.
Okay, well, you're in a pool zone,
and that is glass, so that's not safe.
What is with you and your girlfriend protecting water?
If you just -- no -- no, uh, uh!
Oh! D-- ahh! D-d-- oh, dilly!
Well, now you've done it.
You're gonna have to climb in there
and get all the glass out of the pool.
Um, I just got my hair straightened,
so that's not gonna happen.
I hate to go all ballistic,
but it has not been a pleasure meeting you.
Do you kiss your imaginary girlfriend with that mouth?
I do, but she's real. So, she's a real girl.
对 但她真实存在 她是个真姑娘
It all comes down to one thing, gentlemen --
and teamwork and heart!
You see this mallet?
Think I can swing this here mallet with one finger?
No! I need my whole team!
Because when you're functioning and working as a team,
gentlemen, look out!
Yeah, sassy granny.
Because that is what you all played like last night --
is a bunch of sassy grannies.
But we're gonna bust our humps this week,
and we're gonna get out there,
and we're gonna play like a bunch of...
Girly men. Got it.
Okay, you know what? Is this thing plugged in?
好吧 那什么 这东西插上电源了吗
It's not electric.
I think it was made in the 1800s.
Okay, well, that's my point.
because girls are athletes, too.
So, in conclusion...
if you want to win football games,
we got to go out there and play like a...
What is daddy doing?
Daddy's smashing his demons.
Oh, like the ones you vacuum up at home?
Yeah, yeah. Like that.
对 对 就是那样
Mm! Damn. Near miss.
Why the hell are you so dressed up for a school fair, anyway?
How is this dressed up?!
Because my shirt has buttons?
What's that fabric? Is that silk?
Get your vanilla fingers away from my shirt!
- Blouse. - Okay...
You want to talk about clothes? Let's talk about clothes.
Let's go. Let's see.
You look like some kind of old, washed-up golf pro
who drank his way off the tour
and is one step away from writing a suicide note
with one of them little pencils.
Sorry. I didn't mean that.
You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it.
I don't have the body to wear the clothes they make today,
so I dress comfortable.
You're in shape, man.
What are you? Late 50s?
Come on. You know I'm not.
I'm serious, man.
Y-you look like you live at the gym.
- I do some walking. - Yeah?
got another arrest over by the Ferris wheel.
Why'd we throw out the ice cream?
We got plenty of time.
Seeing Manny up there
with the misfits and their crazy cakes,
I started to wonder if Jay was right.
Maybe Manny would fit in better
if he was more like the other boys.
And maybe I needed to give him a little push.
All right, young lady.
You're under arrest.
- What? - You have the right to remain silent.
Good luck with that.
Sorry, honey. Part of the job.
抱歉 孙女 职责所在
Hmm. I guess it's just you and me.
My cake! Somebody ruined it!
Who would do that?!
Ay! Manny, how terrible. All your hard work.
曼尼 太可怕了 你的心血啊
Oh, well. Let's go ride the rides.
No, no, no. Mom, I know who did it.
不不 妈妈 我知道是谁干的
You can see the hate in her eyes.
The minute she saw this, she felt threatened.
She's cold as ice.
How about you just let it go
and go play with the other boys?
Oh, she'd love that.
You want to dance? Let's dance.
Let me have my cellphone. Come on. I got to make a call.
把手机给我 拜托 我要打个电话
Sorry. Those are the rules.
What are you smiling at?
All right. Got another one for you here.
One count of being an aggravating big sister.
That's 8 to 10 minutes.
Luke did this?! I was just trying to help him.
My friend Sienna and I were trying to help him
find this girl he has a crush on.
Honey, Sienna is the girl he has a crush on.
Come on, haven't you ever seen the way he looks at her?
It's same way he used to look at Halloween candy.
Oh, my god. He's gonna do something stupid
and ruin it for me.
I have to get out of here.
Okay. All right. I got a plan. I got this.
好吧 我有个主意 听我的
I'm gonna create a distraction.
Just got to get that little guard over here.
You're gonna sit down very quietly,
Great plan, mom. Let me know how that works out for you.
好主意 妈妈 记得告诉我结果如何
How long were you gonna sit on that?
Are you gonna do that every time?
You found glass,
not the lost city of Atlanta.
Wow, I'm gonna chalk that one up
to a lot of underage drinking.
- You're bleeding. - What?
I do not like blood. I do not like blood.
- Is it bad? - Here.
- Oh, my god! - What?
Your fingers are so stubby, like baby carrots.
till you need me to reach into a vending machine,
then I'm everyone's best friend.
Let me put some pressure on it.
So, why are you a manny, anyway?
Saving up for college.
Plus, I like kids.
'Cause they make your hands seem normal?
I'm good. Thank you.
Luke, I hate to say it,
but maybe this girl left.
It's probably for the best.
I mean, even if I found her --
ah, forget it. It's embarrassing.
算了 当我没说 这很难为情
I wouldn't know what to do.
I've never kissed a girl before.
Oh! It's not that hard.
I'll kiss you once to show you how it's done.
Really? Okay. Want to go behind the dumpster?
真的么 好 那我们去垃圾桶后面吧
No. Here is fine.
Okay. It's not really how I imagined it, but...
What? Ignore her. Where were we?
什么 别理她 我们到哪一步了
You're the girl! You're his crush!
He's being a little weirdo! Please don't judge me!
Uh, Luke, is this true?
She's a nerd! Her friends are books!
You're the best thing that's ever happened to her!
- Alex? - Um, I don't know what he's talking about!
Okay, I'm just gonna go catch up with some friends.
Don't be sad. You're too good for her anyways.
Yeah. Thanks, Alex.
是啊 谢谢 艾丽克斯
I was talking about myself, you little gnome.
One more arrest and we can hang up our badges.
I've seen this punk horsing around earlier.
I'm gonna enjoy this.
Jail time, jean jacket.
- Is it bad? - You're gonna be fine.
Aah! I should have worn a vest.
Why is everyone just standing around?!
Get this man a towel for his blouse!
We were almost out.
- I didn't want it to end like this. - Don't you do that!
I need you to tell my wife what happened.
Tell her it wasn't my fault.
You're gonna tell her yourself.
She's standing right there, and she looks pissed.
Phil, when I said we needed to go home, I meant it.
菲尔 我说了我们得回家了 说真的
I'm sorry. I should have listened to you.
But you have to stay for just one song.
Whoo! How's everybody doing?!
All right, next up, we have
好的 下一位 我们有请
a very special guest joining us.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for...
- Harold Grossman! - Wait.
Uh, never really done anything like this before.
Uh, some of the gang down at the pharmacy
talked me into it, so...
*Gotta take a little time*
*A little time to think things over*
*I'd better read between the lines*
*In case I need it when I'm older*
Turns out Harold Grossman, our pharmacist,
His voice is the drug he should be dispensing,
because apparently, it's the cure for everything.
- Time to go. Let's go. - No, no, no, no, no!
-该走了 我们走吧 -别别别
Stay, stay, stay, stay! Come on, he's great! Whoo!
等等 等等 拜托 他好棒
*I want you to show me*
*I want to feel what love is*
*And I know, and I know*
*I know you can show me*
Oh, he's incredible!
- I know. - Incredible!
Harold Grossman, everybody!
Let's keep this party going.
Next up, we have one more guest today.
Maybe Harold can come back a little later.
But in the meantime,
the Dad Beats are proud to present...
- Oh, Phil Dunphy. - Oh, boy.
There's a white minivan out in the parking lot
with its lights on -- license plate number TCB-R2D2.
Phil Dunphy, everybody.
Hey, mom. Check it out.
- I finished my cake. - Oh, good.
It's Los Angeles after an 11.5 earthquake.
I call it earth-cake.
Manny, that's amazing!
You think that's amazing?
Wait till I smash this thing
right on top of Enid's piece of sheet cake.
No, no, no! Wait! Manny, Enid didn't do it.
别别别 等等 不是伊妮德干的
- I did it. - What?
I was the one who ruined the cake.
I was afraid that all those boys were gonna make fun of you.
I think I care more about you fitting in than you do.
It's just the stuff I'm good at
isn't the stuff that makes you popular.
Contestants, all cakes
must be at the judges' table in 60 seconds.
Ay, there's no way we're gonna make it through that crowd.
Like heck we won't. Here.
- What? - Follow my lead.
- Okay. - Ready? Come on.
-好的 -准备好了吗 来
Oh, well, look who finally put down his mallet.
You done having your little temper tantrum?
It wasn't that bad.
Cam, your behavior was completely juvenile,
and I don't think that it set a very good example --
Hey, hey! No cutsies --
I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated.
I-I can't seem to turn this team into a winner.
Oh, why do you let it get you so stressed out?
It's just football.
You know what football was to me?
Football was my salvation.
Every time I stepped onto that field,
I wasn't the weird gay outsider kid anymore.
I inspired my entire team
because I had something to prove.
Where's my kid that has something to prove?
Stay on my hip! Follow my lead!
That's exactly what I need.
Oh! Come on! Come on, mom.
快点 快点 妈
Tell them the good news.
- I won the cake contest! - The other good news.
He made the football team.
They won their first game.
And the guys love my banana bread.
Keep your eyes closed, and before you open them,
remember that for 20 years,
you have given me perfect, creative, thoughtful gifts.
And every year, I have let you down.
You're about to feel really bad, and I know that,
because it's how I have felt every year.
But, honey, it is not my intention,
because I love you.
Oh, my god. Chinese acrobats?!
20 years -- China.
- You got it! - Hey, guys! You're my present!
-没错 -伙计们 你们是我的礼物
Oh -- oh, what's that?
That's the helicopter. I should get in there.
No, no, they're -- they're here for you.
They're here for you.
Don't worry, it was just a couple of beers,
and if you cleaned it up...
Okay, Haley, I love you, too. Bye.
好的 海莉 我也爱你 拜拜
I hear you're a wanted woman.
What you see can and will be held against you.
You're gonna have to arrest me first.
Mr. P., I have a confession to make.
I'm taking a much more interesting confession upstairs.
After Joe went down,
I had a sip of beer by the pool,
and a bottle broke.
- It was me. I did it. - Don't sweat it.
I popped a cold one after dealing with those kids --
Thanks, Mr. P. -- and, hey...
谢谢你 普先生 还有
Be careful up there.
We are not that close.