摩登家庭 第六季 Modern Family Season 6 第10集: Haley's 21st Birthday

上映日期: 2,014

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 贝丝·麦卡锡-米勒

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
- Hi. - Evening, folks.
-大家好 -晚上好 伙计们
- Come on in. - Hi.
-进去吧 -你好
Wait, wait! Hang on, guys! Wait!
等等 等一下 各位 等等
Don't you need to check I.D.s?
你不用查身份证吗
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh?
-对对对 -要查要查
Sorry, we don't offer a senior discount.
抱歉 我们没有老年人折扣
No. No, it's not for me,
不不 不是因为我
and now I really need a drink.
现在我真得喝一杯了
Go on, honey. Show him your license. Go on.
来吧 亲爱的 给他看你的驾照
- Picture! -Oh? Somebody 21 today?
-拍照 -有人恰好今天年满21岁吗
- Yes. Yes. - Military gal.
-是啊 -还是女兵呢
Welcome, Private Dorchester.
欢迎光临 二等兵多切斯特
That is the wrong one.
拿错了
I am so very sorry.
很抱歉
- Hold on a second. - Put that away!
-稍等 -相机收起来
Yes, I'm a huge dork
我知道 跟家里人
for celebrating my 21st with my family,
一起庆祝21岁生日真是蠢透了
But my mom was crazy excited to go to a bar with me.
但我妈疯了似的非要带我去酒吧
Or just to go to a bar.
也可能只是她自己想去
Aw, it's so nice what you two are doing.
你俩这么做太有爱了
My mother would have never taken me out for a drink.
我妈就不会带我出来喝酒
Why? Was she super strict?
为什么 她非常严格吗
No, she would never see me as an adult.
不是 是她从不把我当大人看
Well, except when the police came to the house.
当然 除了警察来家里
then, she would be like,
那时她就会说
"Gloria, you go talk to them.
歌洛莉亚 你去跟他们谈
"Tell them your father was here last night.
告诉他们你父亲昨晚在家
But unbutton your shirt a little bit first."
不过你要先解开几个上衣扣子
Okay, uh, the craziest thing I heard --
好吧 这是我听过最疯狂的事情
and there is some competition there --
这下有的比了
is that you think this lady treats me like I'm an adult.
你觉得这位女士把我当大人看了吗
Wait, I-I do treat you like an adult.
等等 我真的把你当大人了啊
You made me change my shirt two times before we left the house
我们出发之前 你还让我换了两次衣服
and force-fed me a cheese sandwich
还逼我吃了个芝士三明治
so I wouldn't get sloppy drunk.
免得我喝得烂醉
No, that is just one woman offering another woman, uh,
那只是一个女人向另一个女人提供一些
fashion tips and advice for casual drinking.
关于时尚和休闲饮酒的建议
What do you know about fashion?
你对时尚了解多少
What do you know about casual drinking?
对休闲饮酒又了解多少
Okay, okay. That's funny.
好了好了 真好笑
See, I wouldn't have laughed
你看 放到以前 我就不会笑了
at that before 'cause you were a kid,
因为那时候你还是个孩子
but now I'm gonna laugh 'cause it's funny.
但现在我会笑了 因为真的很好笑
Hi. Sorry that took so long.
抱歉让你们等了这么久
We got trapped by those bridesmaids over there.
我们被那边那帮伴娘困住了
- Yeah. - Hi.
-是啊 -你好
That's what happens
带基佬来
when you bring gay guys to a straight club.
异性恋酒吧玩就是这样
We're like catnip to drunken
对喝醉的开单身派对的姑娘来说
bachelorette party girls.
我们就是醒酒剂
The problem is, they can get a little bit clingy.
问题就是 她们有点粘人
But don't worry, haley. We are here for you tonight.
但别担心 我们今晚是为你来的
To Haley's first drink, huh? Salud.
为海莉人生中的第一杯酒 干杯
-Okay. - Yeah. Yeah.
-来吧 -来吧
Ooh, it burns.
好辣呀
家 庭
摩 登
第六季 第十集
Thanks again for driving me, Jay.
再次感谢你载我 杰
You've arrived at your destination.
您已到达您的目的地
Get it? 'cause we're in a German car.
懂吗 因为我们开的是德国汽车
I have lived a long, full life.
我已经渡过了漫长又充实的一生
I will drive us into a wall.
我会开车撞墙上的
Tonight, while Claire gets things started at the bar,
今晚 克莱尔先带着大家去酒吧庆祝
Jay is taking me to pick up Haley's birthday present --
杰则带着我去取海莉的生日礼物
A new car!
一辆新车
Phil shopped around, found something very safe
菲尔总是货比三家 然后挑既安全
and low-maintenance with lots of good reviews.
保养费用低 评价又好的东西
Till I married her.
直到我娶了她
I'm joking! You're not low-maintenance!
我开玩笑呢 你的保养费用可不低
- I doubled down. - Oh, I heard you.
-我双重打击成功 -我懂你意思
Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you,
你确定你不用我陪你进去吗
you know, maybe hammer out some final details?
也许还能敲定一些细节
No. Deal's already worked out.
不用 协议已经订好了
I'm just gonna pop my
我只需用我灵活的手指
[Herbie Hancock 贺比·汉考克: 钢琴家]
Herbie Hancock on a few forms,
在几份表格上签个字
and I'll, uh -- I'll meet you at the bar.
我们 我们酒吧见
Great. Well, you don't need me.
太好了 你不用我陪
Leaving Phil with a car salesman
把菲尔丢给汽车销售员
is like covering a baby goat in barbecue sauce
就好比将一只涂满烧烤酱的小山羊
and dropping it in the middle of the Serengeti.
丢到塞伦盖蒂平原上
Well, I-it all seems to check -- wait a minute.
我 好像一切都 等等
This can't be right.
不对劲儿啊
Am I allowed to sign this with a red pen?
我可以用红笔签字吗
Good catch, Phil.
说得对 菲尔
One quick thing -- if you really want to
一个小问题 如果你真的想为女儿
do something special for your daughter,
准备一份特别的礼物
what do you say we throw in some upgraded wheels?
要不要考虑给车装上升级版轮胎
How much would that cost?
要多少钱
How much do you spend a day on a cup of coffee?
你一天在一杯咖啡上花多少钱
Oh, for god's sakes!
看在老天的份上
- Jay? - Answer the question!
-杰 -回答问题
A cup of coffee? $3.50.
一杯咖啡 3.5美元
- Not you! - What are you doing here?
-不是你 -你进来干什么
I'm just here to make sure everything's on the up-and-up.
我来确保一切都是光明磊落的
Um, Daryl, this is my father-in-law, Jay Pritchett.
达里尔 这是我岳父杰·普里契特
Jay, you don't have to be here.
杰 你没必要过来
It's all worked out.
一切都解决了
Tell you what, why don't you throw in
这样吧 不如你加上
those upgraded wheels you love so much,
你很喜欢的升级版轮胎
lower the drive-off by $500, we call it a deal?
再降价五百元 我们成交
I'm sorry, but this is the best I can do.
抱歉 但这是最优惠的价格了
Come on, Daryl. We're all businessmen here.
拜托 达里尔 我们都是生意人
We all know there's wiggle room
我们都知道虽然我们说
when we say there's no wiggle room.
没有降价空间 但实际上是有的
So, come on. Let's see you wiggle.
所以赶紧的 你降价吧[摇摆]
I can't. I can't wiggle.
我做不到 我不能降价[摇摆]
Jay, I've already wiggled him.
杰 我已经让他降价了
No, trust me, he can wiggle.
不 相信我 他能降价
I really can't. I --
我真的做不到
Wiggle, Daryl. Wiggle.
降价 达里尔 降价
Do you know where babies come from?
你知道孩子是从哪里来的吗
Lily, I'm studying.
莉莉 我在学习
Are you a nerd?
你是个书呆吗
No. Why would you ask me that?
不是 你为什么这么问我
It's Friday night, and you're doing homework.
现在是周五晚上 你却在做作业
It's my senior year.
我都高三了
Trust me, Lily,
相信我 莉莉
there'll be tons of fun Friday nights in my future
我以后会过上很多有趣的周五之夜
with artists, dignitaries, other scientists.
跟画家 政要和其他科学家们一起
I didn't hear "Boyfriend."
我没听到"男朋友"
You're 0 for 3. You keep hitting me in the face.
3次命中0次 你一直在打我的脸
Or...am I 3 for 3?
或者 我三次都命中了
Then what's the point of the apple?
那苹果还有什么意义
It keeps you from moving.
可以让你不乱动
Hey, guys, do you know where babies come from?
各位 你们知道孩子是从哪里来的吗
Lily, that's not an appropriate question.
莉莉 这问题不合适
Come on. Do you know or not?
拜托 你到底知不知道
Uh, yes. The stork brings them.
知道 怀孕带来的
This dork?
这个笨蛋吗[音似]
Good stuff.
好笑
Hey, Lily, how about something to eat?
莉莉 想吃点什么吗
You want some chicken nuggets?
你要吃鸡块吗
- Okay. - All right.
-好的 -好
So, do you know how babies are made?
你知道孩子是怎么来的吗
Yep, and I'll tell you.
是的 我会告诉你
But first, we're gonna need a pen
但首先 我们需要一支笔
and a bagel.
和一个贝果饼
Why?
为什么
Well, you're gonna need to take notes, and I'm hungry.
你需要记笔记 而我饿了
Please.
拜托
Okay, we can't wait any longer.
好了 我们不能再等了
We are dying to give you our present!
我们迫不及待要给出礼物了
Guys, I said no gifts.
各位 我说了不要礼物的
No, you said no gifts under $100.
不 你是说不要一百元以下的礼物
Oh, did I? Gimme.
是吗 给我
It's just a little something from your supercool guncles.
是你超酷的基舅们的一点小心意
Okay!
好吧
There is a lot of pressure when one is a gay uncle...
这种事压力很大的 基佬舅舅...
Or guncle.
或者说基舅
...giving a gift to a niece as hip and chic as Haley.
要送海莉这么潮的侄女一份礼物
In the 10 years that we've been together,
我们在一起的十年里
we've only missed the mark one time.
只有一次搞砸了
Yeah, when Claire told us what to buy,
那次克莱尔告诉了我们该买什么
but we learned our lesson --
但我们学到了教训
Ignore Claire and trust our gay instincts.
无视克莱尔 相信我们的基佬直觉
Or "Ginstincts."
或者说"基觉"
Too much.
太过了
No.
别说了
Oh, my god! So cute!
天啊 好可爱
- Really? You think? - Yes! Totally! Super cute!
-你真这么觉得吗 -是啊 超可爱
Because we can return them if you don't like them.
如果你不喜欢的话 我们可以退掉的
No, no, they're good.
不不 挺好的
I love them.
我喜欢
If we wore the same size,
如果我们穿同一码的鞋子
I would have these on right now.
我现在就会穿上
He's been gone a long time.
他走开很长时间了
I think we hurt his feelings.
我觉得我们伤害了他的感情
These guys don't have feelings.
这些人没感情
He's back there making time with a secretary,
他在后面勾搭秘书呢
bragging about how he's taking a couple suckers for a ride.
吹嘘自己带了几个白痴去试驾
Look. He was in the military.
瞧 他之前是军人
So was Oswald.
奥斯瓦德也是[肯尼迪遇刺案的主凶]
Can you trust me
你能信任我
that I'm gonna get you the best deal possible?
会给你争取到最优惠的价格吗
You know what?
知道吗
Why do I keep fighting you on this?
为什么我要一直抗拒你
You know what you're doing.
你知道自己在做什么
I'm behind you all the way.
我会一直跟随你的
Well, I spoke to my manager...
我跟经理谈过了
Yeah.
怎么样
...and I can't give you the wheels or the discount.
轮胎或者折扣都没法给你们
Frankly, he's mad
说实话
that I gave you the deal that's on the table.
我给你的那个价格让他很不满
Well, thanks, Daryl. You did your best.
谢谢 达里尔 你尽力了
You, too, Jay.
你也是 杰
I guess we'll just sign and be on our way.
我还是签了然后赶紧开走吧
- Or we can get out of here. - What?
-我们还是走吧 -什么
I'm sorry, buddy.
对不起 老兄
I got a pal at the dealership closer to his house.
他家附近的经销商那里有我一个哥们
We're gonna take our business there. Let's go, Phil.
我们去那买好了 菲尔 我们走
I think Phil wants to take the car.
我觉得菲尔想买下这辆车
Don't tell Phil what he wants.
不用你告诉菲尔他想干什么
Phil wants to leave.
菲尔想走了
Phil?
菲尔
What are we doing? That was a great deal.
我们在干什么 那个价格已经很低了
Wrong. Keep walking.
错 别停下
Jay, I need this car.
杰 我需要这辆车
We're supposed to be at the bar in 20 minutes.
二十分钟内我们就要赶到酒吧去
Calm down. He's not gonna let us leave the lot.
淡定 他不会让我们离开这里的
You can order your Appletini now
你现在点一杯苹果马提尼
and be there before the ice melts.
等你到酒吧的时候冰都不会化的
You better be right about this
买车这事上你最好是对的
'cause you are dead wrong about Appletinis having ice.
因为苹果马提尼里根本没有冰
Hey! Guys, hold on a second!
伙计们 等一下
Yes, Daryl.
什么事 达里尔
You forgot your sunglasses.
你忘记拿墨镜了
Happy?
开心啦
Yeah.
是的
These aren't my sunglasses.
这不是我的墨镜
I cannot believe Haley didn't like the shoes.
真不敢相信海莉不喜欢那双鞋
Oh, come on. Of course she did.
别这么想 她当然喜欢了
No, she most certainly did not. She gave us the high voice.
不 我很确定她不喜欢 她用了高音
"They're cute!"
"好可爱啊"
I know the voice.
我知道那音调
I invented the voice. I use the voice.
那音调是我发明的 我常用的
Wait. So, I can't pull off mid-thigh shorts?
等等 这么说我不适合穿中长裤吗
No, you can.
不 你可以
Pull them off and give them to somebody 20 years younger.
你可以脱下来送给比你年轻二十岁的人
You're so silly!
你可真傻
What are you two giggling about?
你们俩在笑什么
Haley just asked me --
海莉刚才问我
Oh, you don't want to know, trust me.
你不会想知道的 相信我
No, I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. Tell me.
不 我想 我想知道 告诉我
No, you'll just be all judgy
不 你又会评头论足了
because you want me to be this perfect, little angel.
因为你希望我是个完美的小天使
Oh, honey, no, that's not true.
宝贝 不 不是那样的
I know I have not done a great job of it so far,
我知道 目前为止我做得不是很好
but I meant it when I said
但是我是真心的
I want to have a more adult relationship.
我希望跟你的关系更成人化
I am sure the reason
我很肯定 我和妈
why mom and I grew apart
产生隔阂的原因就是
is that she never stopped treating me like a child.
她一直把我当孩子来对待
Plus, she was loco for Loco-puffs.
而且她就是让疯狂朱古力泡芙发疯的原因
What, you do not have that cereal?
怎么 你们都没吃过那种麦片吗
Come on. Haley, let me in.
海莉 告诉我
Okay, fine, so we were laughing
好吧 我们刚才笑
because we were playing "Would you rather."
是因为我们在玩"你选哪个"的游戏
What's that?
那是什么游戏
And I said,
我说
"Would you rather marry George Clooney
你选嫁给乔治·克鲁尼
"or have the best sex of your life for just one night
还是跟汤姆·哈迪滚一次这辈子
with Tom Hardy?"
最棒的床单
- Who's that? - I don't know. Google him.
-那是谁 -不知道 上网搜一下
I'm going with Tom because George would
我选汤姆 因为乔治只会
just want to talk about politics all the time
喋喋不休地谈论政治
and Tom seems like he would quietly get the job done.
而汤姆看起来会安静地把事办完
That's exactly what Haley said!
海莉说了一模一样的话
- All right! Okay! - Yeah!
-好吧 -是的
Hey, you two! It's dance time!
你们俩 来跳舞
Oh, boy. Here we go.
天哪 又来了
Yeah, somebody's hungry for a little bit more.
是啊 看来有人还不满足哦
We should have just told them we're straight.
应该告诉她们我们是直男
We met them because you accurately
我们认识她们就是因为
identified the bride's perfume.
你准确地闻出了新娘的香水品牌
You two ready to tear it up?
你们两个准备好扭动起来了吗
Oh... Well, we're kind of doing our own thing right now,
我们现在正忙自己的事呢
- but thank you. - Come on, boys!
-不过谢谢邀请 -来吧 小伙子们
Who are those gays?
那两个基佬哪儿来的
I don't know, but I like their look.
我不知道 不过我喜欢他们的长相
- Do you? - Really?
-是吗 -真的吗
Yeah.
是的
I can feel it.
我能感觉到
This guy's gonna get us the deal we want.
这个人会给我们想要的价格
I had the deal we want,
我想要的价格曾经就摆在我面前
and now it's gone,
现在没了
just like your imaginary friend who never worked here.
就像你幻想的 那个没在这里工作过的朋友一样
Calm down. We're already up
淡定 我们已经赚到
three hot dogs and a pair of sunglasses.
三个热狗和一副墨镜了
Okay, guys, I ran some numbers,
两位 我仔细算了一下
and I can't come close to the price you had over there.
我们给不了那家店给你们的价格
He was losing money on that car.
对方的价格已经亏本了
- Oh, my God. - Not helping.
-不是吧 -这样没用
All right, Tony, let's cut to the chase.
行了 托尼 我们废话少说
You either start negotiating,
要么我们开始谈价格
or we're gonna walk back over there and take that other deal.
要么我们就回人家那里买了
Well, if you can still get it,
要是你还能拿到那个价的话
yeah, th-that's what I would do.
赶紧去吧 换我也会那么做
You want to dance.
你想这么玩吗
I don't mind. I'll lead.
好 我不介意 我先来
$500 down.
给我便宜五百元
Sir even with the deep discounts we offer
先生 就算是在吃热狗马拉松
during the hot dog-a-thon,
大促销期间
I have never seen a deal like that.
我也没见过那么低的价格
Hear that, Jay?
听到没 杰
I won. What did I win?
我赢了 赢了什么
Not a car!
反正不是一辆车
I got to call that first guy back.
我得去给刚刚那个销售员打电话
Tony, clock is ticking. Your move.
托尼 倒计时进行中 轮到你了
What's that?
那是什么
Could that be from your manager, huh, perhaps?
是你们经理说什么了吗
Uh, yeah, he says that unless you buy a car,
对 他说你要是不买车
you can't have any more hot dogs.
就不能再吃热狗了
Okay, so, a boy and a girl meet at a frat party
好 有一对男女在兄弟会派对上认识了
and they both think each other is totally hot,
他们都觉得对方超辣的
so they pound their beers and head upstairs.
所以他们喝完啤酒之后就上楼了
Luke, stop.
卢克 别说了
She's not hearing this from you.
她不能跟你学这些东西
- Why not? - You're too immature.
-为什么不能 -你太不成熟了
I'm not immature, butt face.
我才没有不成熟 你个猪头
And how would you say it?
换了你会怎么说
Well, I would say they meet through friends,
换我会说他们是通过朋友认识的
and after dating for an appropriate amount of time,
约会过一段时间之后
he takes her to a romantic french bistro.
他把她带去一间浪漫的法国餐厅
- Then maybe, if the mood is right -- - maybe?
-然后有可能 来了兴致 -有可能
I just bought you a big french dinner.
我刚请你吃了一顿法国大餐
That was your choice. I owe you nothing.
你自己愿意的 我不欠你
Your hand was on my knee the whole time.
你的手一直都放在我的膝盖上
What was I supposed to think?
我该怎么想
I was expressing affection, not signing a contract.
我只是在表达感情 又不是在签合同
This date is over.
约会到此为止
Come on, sexy. Don't be like that.
不是吧 性感宝贝儿 别这样
Make a baby with me.
跟我生个孩子吧
What is going on in here?!
你们这是在干什么
Nothing.
没什么
Can I just say that I'm glad they didn't come get us?
我能说很高兴她们没来找我们吗
Exactly. Who needs those clingy broads?
没错 谁想要那种黏人的小妞儿
"Broads"? Does anyone say "Broads" anymore?
"小妞儿" 这年头还有人用这个词吗
I don't know. I was trying something.
我不知道 我就说出来试试看
You know, maybe they just saw us with Haley and they were like,
也许她们是看到我们跟海莉她们一起
"Hey, let's give those guys some space."
所以想给我们留点空间
Or they already knew those gays.
或者他们本来就认识
Or they thought those young guys
或者她们觉得那些年轻人
would be better dancers than us.
舞跳得比我们好
No, no. Since when does young equal better?
不 从何时开始年轻意味着更好了
Let's show them what we got.
给她们见识一下我们的实力
Hey, real quick... what have we got?
先问一下 我们有什么实力
Um, well, I can raise the roof and do the cabbage patch.
我会做"掀房顶"和"扒白菜"舞蹈动作
Okay, and I can do the "Single lady" hand thing.
我会做《单身女士》里那种手势
Yeah, but put your neck into it
脖子也得动起来
or you just look like the queen waving.
不然看起来就像女王在挥手
- Oh, good point. - Okay. Now you're ready.
-说得对 -好了 你准备好了
Okay, let's go.
好吧 我们上
- Hey, ladies! - Hey, single ladies!
-女士们你们好 -单身女士你们好
Hey, guys!
你们好
Oh, thank God. We need to tap out.
感谢上帝 我们得脱身了
Yeah, these chicks latched on and won't let go.
对啊 这些小妞太缠人了都不让我们走
You know how they are with us.
你知道她们总是这样缠着我们
No, you don't have to tell us.
不 你不用告诉我们
We couldn't get rid of those three all night.
我们今晚也没法摆脱那边三个
So, why don't you guys go ahead and split?
所以你们何不趁机溜走
We'll take over.
我们帮你们顶上
- Are you sure? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, go.
-你们确定吗 -对啊 快走吧
- Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thank you.
-当然 当然 -谢谢
- We'll hold it down. - Yeah, yeah.
-都交给我们吧 -就是
Boys, where are you going?!
男孩们 你们要去哪里
- You guys, don't go! - Oh, yeah, don't worry about it, ladies,
-你们别走 -别担心 女士们
because we are here now and we are ready to boogie.
因为我们来了 来一起扭扭
Great!
太好了
So fun!
太有意思了
We're gonna go hit some clubs now.
我们要去夜店了
Oh, clubs. That sounds rad.
夜店 听起来很有趣
- Cool. Super dope. - Yes.
-很酷耶 -就是
You guys have fun.
你们玩得开心
What happened?
怎么了
Oh, my God.
我的天
Stop. We're gancient.
别跳了 我们已经过时了
Really? Dylan?
说真的 迪伦吗
- Dylan? - Yep. Swear it.
-迪伦 -是啊 跟你发誓
Like you cannot believe.
简直不敢相信
You know what? I kind of get him now.
我现在好像有点懂了
- Right? - Yes!
-是吧 -没错
I always got Dylan.
我一直都很懂迪伦
Careful. You're like my grandma.
小心点 你算是我外婆了
Grandma?
外婆
Easy. I have stabbed closer relatives than you.
小心点 我还捅过更亲密的家属呢
I can't believe I'm talking to my mom about this.
真不敢相信我在和我妈说这些
Honey, I told you,
宝贝 我说过了
you're a grown-up now.
你已经是个成年人了
I'm gonna respect your decisions,
我会尊重你的选择
and let you live your life.
让你过自己的生活
It's the best gift I can give to you
这是我在你21岁生日里
on your 21st birthday,
能给你的最好的礼物
my friendship and unconditional acceptance.
友谊 以及无条件的包容
That means so much to me right now.
知道这些对我来说真是太重要了
- You know why? - Why?
-你知道为什么吗 -为什么
Because I want to get a tattoo tonight,
因为我今晚想去纹身
and I was afraid you'd say no.
但是我怕你不同意
How could she say no
她跟你说了这么多
after everything she just said to you?!
怎么可能会不同意呢
How could I say no? Is there a way?
我怎么能不同意呢 有办法吗
Oh, my God, mom, this is the best present ever!
天哪 妈 这是你送我的最好的礼物
Could tonight get any better?!
今晚还能更棒吗
Yes! She can pay for it
能啊 她可以替你付钱
so you can get a really big one!
这样你就可以纹个大的了
I'm so excited!
我太激动了
Phil, where are you? You have to get down here
菲尔 你在哪 你得赶紧过来
and stop Haley from getting a tattoo.
不然海莉就要纹身了
What, no, you stop her!
你说什么 快阻止她啊
I can't.
我阻止不了
I made a commitment to being her friend.
我答应了要做她的朋友
Why would you do that?
你为什么要那样做
I don't know. I was trying something.
我也不知道 就是想尝试些新事物
Just get down here with that car, and we can distract her.
开着新车过来 可以分散她的注意力
I'd love to,
我倒是想啊
but your dad played hardball
但是你爸一直在耍强硬手段
and we lost it.
我没买到车
How on earth did you let that happen?!
你怎么会让这种事发生呢
I don't know. Why don't you ask
我不知道 你怎么不去问问
the tweety bird on Haley's neck?
海莉脖子上那只小鸟
Oh, God, not the neck.
天哪 别纹在脖子上
She's a tough-enough hire as it is.
她这样已经很难找到工作了
Fine, y-you deal with the car. I'll deal with the tattoo.
你去处理车的事 我去处理纹身的事
Just get here.
快点过来
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
接下来我们要这么做
No, no, no, no. I'm done listening to you.
不 我已经听够你的唠叨了
I had a great deal.
曾经有一份美好的折扣摆在我面前
You know how I know?
你知道我怎么知道的吗
I called the salesman at the first dealership
当你还在吃第三个热狗的时候
while you were sneaking your third hot dog,
我打给第一家代理店的销售员
and it already sold.
车子已经卖出去了
Fine. We don't need it.
没关系 反正我们也不要那辆车
Here's the plan,
接下来
we tell them Haley is really sick.
我们就说海莉病得很重
Oh, my God, you're sick.
天哪 你真有病
Good thinking! I'll be sick
真聪明 应该说是我病了
cause nobody cares about people they can't see.
因为没人关心见不到的人
I researched that car online for weeks,
我已经在网上查了好几周的信息
and then you swoop in with your tough-guy swagger
接着你自以为是地插进来一脚
to teach me a lesson about buying cars in the 70s!
教我怎么在70年代买车
You know, this all happened because of you,
这一切都是你的错
sitting there, covered in sweat and fear,
坐在那 一句话也不敢说
undercutting my every word.
还拆我的台
Now, if you want a really good deal,
你要真想拿到好的折扣
you park your butt out here, play on your internet.
你就给我待在这里 继续上你的网
I'm going old-school on this sales weasel,
我要按老方法来
and I'm gonna break him in half.
而且我会杀他个片甲不留
Is somebody helping you?
有人接待你们吗
He better be!
你最好拿下他
Yes, thank you so much.
有 谢谢你
Okay, I am technically in charge tonight,
今晚是我当家
so no one tells Lily
所以谁都不准告诉莉莉
where babies come from.
孩子是怎么来的
I could not agree more.
不能同意更多
I don't know why you Americans
我搞不懂你们美国人为什么
are so uptight about sex.
谈到性就这么紧张
Sex is confusing for young people,
性对于年轻人来说是充满迷惑的
and she doesn't need to learn from two fuzz-staches
她不需要从两个胡子都没长全的
who barely know anything themselves.
小屁孩那里知道这些
Excuse me, you might want to
不好意思 你应该看看
check my browser history.
我的网页浏览记录
I've done some research.
我已经做了不少研究
Oh. Well, great. I'm just gonna go vomit forever now.
真好 现在我只想吐一辈子
What are you guys doing?
你们在干什么
- Nothing. -Just talking.
-没什么 -就在聊天而已
Not really anything.
没什么特别的
Can we finish our conversation?
我们能把话说完吗
No. Lily, I'm sorry, but if you have questions,
不行 莉莉 抱歉 如果你有问题
you're gonna have to ask your dads.
只能去问你爸爸们了
You don't know, do you?
你们也不知道是不是
- I do so. - Uh-huh, I know.
-我知道 -我知道
No, we don't. Right, guys?
不 我们不知道 对不对
- No, I guess not. - No.
-不知道 -不知道
That's embarrassing. Want me to tell you?
太丢人了 要我告诉你们不
What?
什么
Hey, that's why you asked if we knew where babies came from --
你问我们知不知道小孩是从哪里来的
Because you wanted to tell us?
是因为你想告诉我们吗
Yeah, you're old. You should know.
是啊 你们都这么大了 该知道了
But you might want to sit down for this.
不过你们最好坐下来听我讲
I found a tattoo shop nearby.
我找到附近的一家纹身店
It has four stars on Yelp, and it has military discount.
大众点评上四颗星 军人还享有折扣
Well, Private Dorchester reporting for duty.
二等兵多切斯特前来报到
You are just so helpful tonight, Gloria.
你今晚真是乐于助人啊 歌洛莉亚
- You know what else you should do? - Another idea.
-知道你们还该干啥吗 -又有主意了
You should do mother-and-daughter tattoos,
你们该弄个母女纹身
like -- like, uh, two halves of a heart.
比如一人纹半个爱心
Or the moon and some stars.
或者星星配月亮
Or, like, a bird and a rifle.
或者步枪配小鸟
Oh, my God, let's do that!
天啊 就这么办
I mean, not that, but, like, let's get matching tattoos!
不是你说的那种 但可以弄个配对纹身
I want to do that with you.
我想和你有配对的纹身
- You do? - Yeah!
-真的吗 -当然
It could be, like, our special thing
那可以成为我们两人
that we have for the rest of our lives, just us.
这辈子最特殊的东西 只属于你和我
And no matter where we go or what we do,
不管我们去哪里 或是干什么
when people ask us about our tattoos,
别人一问起我们的纹身
we can say that they're from
我们可以说它们来自
the best night of our lives together.
我们生命中最精彩的夜晚
That is so sweet.
太美好了
I mean it.
我是说真的
I want to do it with you. Will you?
我想和你一起纹身 你愿意吗
I can't believe this, but I will. I will.
不敢相信 但我愿意 我愿意
I will 'cause I love you.
因为我爱你
- I love you, too! - I love you. I love you.
-我也爱你 -我爱你 我爱你
- They also have piercing! - Enough.
-他们还可以做穿孔 -你够了
You know what?
说句实话吧
I don't even need to be cool anymore.
我其实不需要再当酷哥了
It's like, why?
有什么意义呢
Yes, exactly. Why? Who cares.
是啊 有什么意义呢 谁在乎
Besides, isn't the cooler thing not caring
再说了 不在乎自己酷不酷
if you're cool?
不是更酷吗
Yeah, and if the new cool is not caring,
是啊 如果新的酷是不在乎自己酷不酷
then I'm supercool, not that I care.
那说明我酷到极点 不过我也不在乎
Hey, guys! Guess what. We're getting matching tattoos.
猜怎么着 我们要去弄配对纹身了
Love it. We're doing it, too. We need this.
不错 我们也要 我们需要弄这个
- Are you serious? - Are we serious?
-你们认真的吗 -我们认真的吗
As serious as Bert and Ernie.
像伯特和尔尼一样认真[芝麻街搭档角色]
It was supposed to be such a great moment for me as a dad.
这本该是我作为父亲无比美好的一刻
I was gonna walk into that bar,
我本该走进那家酒吧
give my daughter her new car keys, and say,
把新车钥匙交给女儿 对她说
"Honey...
乖女儿
Chug that drink. We're going for a spin."
把酒喝完 我们去兜风
Phil, put these in your purse.
菲尔 把这放到你包包里吧
I just beat your unbeatable deal by 500 Samolians.
我把你说砍不下来的价往下砍了500元
Stick that in your internet.
你上网能弄到这么好的价钱吗
- What? - This guy's a bulldog. He wore me down.
-什么 -这家伙太强了 说服我了
Don't be too hard on yourself. You never stood a chance.
别太责怪自己 你根本赢不了我的
Thank you, Jay.
谢谢 杰
Hop in. I'll give you a walk-through.
上车 我给你演示下操作
Okay.
好的
Some more good news for you -- your father-in-law
再给点好消息 你的岳父
also talked me into two years of free satellite radio.
还说服我给你装了两年免费的卫星广播
Of course he did. The guy's always one-upping me.
那是自然 我从来都比不过他
I work for months getting the best deal.
我为了拿到最好的价钱忙了一个月
He walks in, bullies you down,
结果他一来 强势出击
and proves what a pushover I am.
证明了我有多弱
Let me just show you this horn.
让我给你展示下这个喇叭
Why? Did he get an upgrade on --
为什么 他也帮我升级
My father-in-law can be a jerk, too, so I got to say something.
我岳父也挺贱的 所以我得给你说点事
You got a much better deal than he got.
你拿到的价格比他的低太多了
Some horn, huh?
这喇叭不错吧
What?
什么
He came groveling into my office
他到我的办公室来
and begged me to lie
跪求让我撒个谎
and say that he got the better price,
让我说他把价格砍得更低
but he paid me the difference.
但他给我补了差价
How much more did he pay?
他补了多少钱
$1,000.
1000元
Oh, my God, he really cares what I think about him.
天啊 他真的好在意我对他的看法
- More than you know. - That is one beautiful man.
-你没想到吧 -他真是个好人
Hey, dumbass, enough with the horn, huh?
傻蛋 别按喇叭了行不
I love you, too!
我也爱你
Oh! Uh, the tattooing --
纹身这东西
It does really hurt.
真的好疼啊
I don't think I drank enough.
看来我喝得还不够多
So, a couple of firsts tonight.
那今晚还真是开了不少先例
Okay, what should we get?
我们该纹什么呢
It needs to be something important to us.
要纹对我们有重要意义的图案
I-is Nelson Mandela still in jail?
纳尔逊·曼德拉还在监狱吗
I think it should be something just a little more personal.
应该要纹私人点的比较好吧
Okay, what about lilies for Lily?
好吧 那百合怎么样 代表莉莉
Flowers?
Be faster just to get the word "Gay".
迫不及待想说我们是弯的吗
I hope everybody's ready! So beautiful.
大家都准备好了吧 好漂亮啊
Well, check it, losers.
来看看吧 胆小鬼
I am all tatted up.
姐纹好了
Ay, I'm so proud of you. I can't believe you did this.
真为你骄傲 居然真的纹身了
- I know! I know! I know! - It's very sexy.
-是啊 是啊 是啊 -好性感
- Very nice. - Yeah.
-好好看 -对啊
Well, it is sanskrit for "Mother".
梵文里是"母亲"的意思
And Haley's gonna get one that says "Daughter."
海莉要纹一个"女儿"
Well...
这个嘛
Well, what?
这个什么
It's just, um,
只是
I-I'm not totally sure I'm not bailing.
我不是很确定我会不会临阵退缩
No. No, you're not.
不会 你不能退缩
But it just looks super painful,
可是看上去超痛的
a-a-and this is nothing to do with you,
还有 这跟你无关
but I don't think I want a tattoo when I have old skin.
但我不想皮肤皱巴巴的时候有纹身
Haley, if you don't get "Daughter",
海莉 你不纹"女儿"的话
it's gonna look like I did this for my mother,
这就像是我为我妈纹的
and then I'm gonna have to saw my leg off.
那样的话我就得把腿锯了
Or you could just add to it.
或者你可以再多纹一个词
Hey, what's sanskrit for "Issues"?
梵文的"问题"怎么写
Haley, come on. You're up. Let's go.
海莉 快 到你了 纹吧
I don't know, mom. It's --
我不想 妈妈
Now that I see it,
现在看到了 才感觉
it's so permanent.
永远弄不掉的话有点麻烦
Young lady, I swear to god I will spank you.
丫头 我对天发誓我会打你屁屁的
No, my god! Is that for me?!
我的天 那车是给我的吗
Happy birthday, sweetheart!
生日快乐 宝贝
Thank you so much! I love it!
太谢谢了 我太喜欢了
Please tell me you didn't get a tattoo.
千万别告诉我你纹身了
No, but talk to mom,
没纹 但你要劝下妈妈
'cause she's trying to make me.
她一直逼我纹
- Oh, it's so cute! Can I take it for a ride?! - Of course!
-好酷炫 我能开吗 -当然
When I grow up, I want to have kids.
我长大以后 也想有孩子
You're not going anywhere. You've been drinking tonight.
你哪也不许去 晚上喝了酒的
Only 'cause you made me.
还不是你逼我喝的
What are you trying to do to her?
你到底想把她怎么着
Well, first, I want a perfect husband...
不过首先 我想有个完美的丈夫
How about you guys? Come on.
你们呢 快点
You're gonna get your tattoo, right?
你们会纹的 对吧
We realized we don't need one to be cool.
我们发现其实用不着纹身来变酷
It seems sort of desperate.
有点太渴求关注的感觉
But yours is cute.
但是你的纹身很萌
- Super cute! - Yeah.
-超萌的 -是啊
...Someone who takes care of me.
一个能照顾我的人
Ay, Jay. I'm tired. I'm hungry. Take me home.
杰 我好累好饿 带我回家吧
Come on. We'll get you a big bowl of Loco-puffs.
走着 给你弄一大碗疯狂朱古力泡芙
And then we're gonna make a baby...
然后 我们会生一个宝宝
oh, my gosh!
好开心
...Which is easy.
生宝宝很简单的
You just put eggs and tadpoles
只要把蛋[卵子]和小蝌蚪们
in a glass,
放在杯子里
and the woman has to drink it.
让女的喝掉
Then, the woman and man kiss and jump on their bed.
然后 男女亲吻 跳上床
After a year, she pees, and a baby comes out.
一年后 女的尿尿 宝宝就生出来了
- Oh, my god. - Okay, then.
-我了个去 -我服
Now that Claire has a tattoo,
克莱尔纹身了
I can finally get one of my own!
我也终于能纹一个了
So, I've been trying to think of a phrase
我一直在想一个
that sums up the way I live my life.
能总结我人生观的金句
I don't think small. I don't do things halfway.
我不会鼠目寸光 做事不会虎头蛇尾
I'm not afraid of taking risks.
我不怕冒险
So, then, I was trying to think of
我也在想一个
the perfect place to put it, you know?
最适合纹身的部位
You don't want to put it on a-a body part
不能纹在会有皱纹
that's gonna wrinkle or -- or sag too much,
或者下垂太厉害的地方
and you don't want a place where
也不能纹在
- if you wear a suit it will show. - True.
-穿西装时看得到的地方 -对
So, on my lower back,
所以 我要在后腰
I would put the words "Go deep,"
纹这几个字 "深入"
"Bang".
"猛上"
- Think about that. - I heard it.
-请三思 -我听出来了
"Do it". No.
"上" 不行
"All in".
"一起来上"