摩登家庭 第六季 Modern Family Season 6 第12集: The big guns

上映日期: 2,014

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 贝丝·麦卡锡-米勒

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
Phil, honey!
菲尔 亲爱的
Phil!
菲尔
Hey, check it out.
快来看
Grandpa sent us another
爷爷开房车自驾游
postcard from his RV trip.
又给我们寄了一张明信片
"Mount Rushmore?
拉什莫尔山
I wish the tour guide would have rushed more."
要是导游拉我们走快点就好了
Phil, we have got to do something
菲尔 我们得对安布尔和罗尼的船
about Amber and Ronnie's boat.
采取点措施了
That thing is making it impossible
那玩意儿害我们没法儿
to park in our driveway, and it's an eyesore.
在我们的车道上停车 而且还那么丑
On the other hand, they're our neighbors
但他们是我们的邻居
and we have to see them everyday.
抬头不见低头见
I worry about...rocking the boat.
我担心那会...破坏船[破坏现状]
You know you can do better.
这可不是你的真实水平啊
Keeping me honest. I love it.
让我保持清醒认识 我喜欢
Yeah, the boat is trashy.
是啊 那船太破了
Living next to it doesn't feel "on brand" for me.
住在旁边可不会让我觉得有面子
You know, with sea levels rising at their current rate,
以现在海平面上升的速度
we should be glad we live near a boat.
我们应该庆幸住在一艘船旁边
Okay, so, that's three for "get rid of the boat."
很好 三票支持把船搞掉
- Luke? - Count me out.
-卢克你呢 -别算我
This isn't a police state.
美国不是警察国家
That boat isn't hurting anyone.
那艘船又没伤害人
Here's all you need to know about that boat.
关于那艘船你只需要知道
One -- Tammy Lafontaine sunbathes on it.
一 塔米·拉方丹在上面晒日光浴
Two -- my eyeballs like looking at Tammy Lafontaine sunbathing.
二 我的眼睛喜欢看她在上面晒日光浴
Don't make me the bad guy here.
别逼我当坏人
You know that obnoxious thing annoys you, too.
你自己也讨厌那玩意儿
Yeah, it does, but we need to finesse this --
我是讨厌 但我们得用点计谋
Be nice about it.
那就是友善地处理
The last thing we need
我们真的不该
is some huge feud with our crazy neighbors.
跟我们的疯邻居长期争执不休
Movie idea.
电影创意
I'll put on the list.
我去写在创意清单上
Comedy or drama?
喜剧类还是剧情类
Depends on casting.
取决于谁来演
There's got to be some kind of regulation about this.
肯定有这方面的规定吧
I'm gonna call the city.
我要给市政厅打电话
That's a terrible idea.
这主意太糟糕了
Uh, no, a terrible idea
不 关于一个能把自己
is a movie about a guy who can fax himself places.
传真到不同地方的人的电影才糟糕
Just the fax ma'am:《虎胆龙威》经典台词
'cause you haven't heard the title -- "Just the fax man."
因为你不知道电影名叫《传真侠》
That water can't hit us soon enough.
海浪怎么不能来得更快些
家 庭
摩 登
第六季 第十二集
Hey, where have you guys been?
你们上哪儿去了
The San Vicente branch of the public library,
公共图书馆圣文森特分馆
and then ice cream.
然后去吃了冰激凌
That was a weirdly specific answer.
回答具体得很诡异啊
Well, everything is normal.
一切都很正常啊
Usually when everything is normal,
通常当一切正常时
people don't respond in
人们不会回答得这么一致
perfectly rehearsed unison.
像排练过一样
Now who's being weirdly specific.
看现在是谁具体得诡异了
Well, if you went to the library,
如果你们真去了图书馆
why don't you have any books?
为什么手里没书呢
We read there.
我们在那儿看的
I read "Clifford the Big Red Dog."
我读的是《大红狗克利福德》
And I read Richard Chamberlain's autobiography.
我读的是理查德·张伯伦的自传
Did you know he did Hamlet in London?
你知道他曾在伦敦表演哈姆雷特吗
Yes, I remember you telling me about that
知道 我记得你在公共图书馆
at the San Vicente branch of the public library.
圣文森特分馆跟我说过这事
Okay, well, why don't you go clean your room now, sweetie?
去收拾一下你的房间吧 亲爱的
Great idea.
好主意
Lily, don't forget your backpack.
莉莉 别忘了你的背包
Whoa, what's this?
这是什么
Cam, clown supplies?
小卡 小丑道具
Uh, yeah, those are mine.
没错 那是我的
We just had to pick them up from the dry cleaner.
我们去干洗店取的
Also mine.
那也是我的
Oh, my gosh, they must
天呐 他们肯定是
have shrunk them in the wash!
用水洗导致衣服都缩水了
Did they wash them 40,000 times?
他们洗了4万遍吗
Okay, look.
好了 听我说
It's no big deal, but I took Lily
没什么大不了 但今天早上我带莉莉
to a junior clown college this morning.
去上儿童小丑学校
Are you serious? Behind my back?
你说真的吗 背着我带她去的
Yes, because I knew you wouldn't approve.
没错 因为我知道你不会同意的
What was I supposed to do?
那我该怎么做
Not take her because you know
别带她去啊 你也知道
mumbo jumbo表示无意义的活动该词源于西非某部落的一个戴面具的舞者
how I feel about all this mumbo jumbo.
我有多不喜欢这些无聊的东西
Mumbo Jumbo was like a father to me.
那就像是我的父亲一样
I have been very up front with you.
我已经跟你说得很清楚了
You knew going in
你非常了解
that I wanted to raise our child as a clown.
我希望把我们的孩子培养成一个小丑
Yes, but then I finally
没错 但后来我终于
realized that you weren't joking
意识到你不是开玩笑的
and we agreed that we would wait
而且我们也同意会等她长大
until she was old enough to decide for herself.
能够自己做决定的时候再说
You do stuff with her all the time,
你总是跟她在一起做各种事情
and you don't ask me for my permission.
也从没问过我是否同意
Just last week,
就在上周
you took her to the doctor without even asking!
你带她去看医生 连问都没问我
'cause she had an ear infection!
因为她耳朵感染了
Let's say we're even!
算我们扯平了
Bravo!
太棒了
You ate all of your blueberries!
你吃光了所有的蓝莓
That gets applause?
那就能获得掌声吗
I just finished the Friday
我刚做完了周五的纵横字谜
crossword puzzle and nothing.
大家毫无反应
I guess everyone knows
所有人都知道
Herbert Hoover's middle name.
总统赫伯特·胡佛的中间名吗
Look what I got --
看看我买了什么
A throne for our little king.
我们小国王的宝座
Do we have to put the toilet on the counter?
非得把马桶放在桌子上吗
I take my afternoon coffee here.
我在这里喝午后咖啡的
Let's fix one problem at a time.
一次解决一个问题吧
I've decided to potty-train Joe.
我打算对乔进行如厕训练
No, too soon.
不 太早了
It's too soon for a Pearl Harbor joke,
现在说珍珠港的笑话还太早
perfect time for this.
做如厕训练再合适不过了
I don't want to rush him.
我不想催促他
Too much pressure and he will get traumatized.
如果压力太大 他会受到精神创伤的
He's grown up drinking from a breast bigger than his head.
他是喝着比自己头还大的胸部的奶长大的
I don't think he scares easy.
我觉得他不容易被吓到
The kid's ready, plus, if I'm being honest,
这孩子准备好了 而且要我说实话
I'm tired of buying diapers.
我受够了买尿布
Excuse me, where do you keep the diapers?
请问尿布在哪里
Right over here, sir.
这边 先生
自信 成人保护内裤
You trying to be funny?
你在搞笑吗
We have larger sizes.
我们还有更大的尺码
He's gonna do great.
他会表现出色的
Why wouldn't he?
当然
There's no one better than Joe, right?
没人比乔更棒了 对吧
I'm better than Joe.
我就比乔更棒
At his age,
在他那么大时
I was counting to 10 in three languages.
我就会用三种语言从一数到十了
The bar is so low for that kid,
那孩子的标准[棍子]真低
except when they play limbo.
除了他们玩过横棍的时候
they hold it up so high anybody can get under it.
他们把棍子举得好高 谁都能过去
I didn't see you there.
我没看见你躺在这里呢
Really?
真的吗
So, is that your creepy twin brother
上周一直在窗户里
who's been staring at me
盯着我看的
from the window for the last week?
是你的变态双胞胎兄弟吗
Uh, I could lie and say "Yes."
我可以撒谎说"是"
You could pretend you weren't flattered,
你可以装作你没觉得高兴
but why not just cut to the chase?
但我们何不直入主题呢
And what would that be?
那是什么
I could maybe touch something of yours?
我可以摸摸你的一些东西吗
Sure, and I could maybe kick something of yours.
当然啦 我也可以踢你的一些东西
I like this tension.
我喜欢我们之间这么紧张
Very "Will they, when will they?"
很有"他们会吗 什么时候"的感觉
Go back to your room, little boy.
回你的房间去 小男孩
Got it. I'll see you from there.
知道了 我到上面去看你
Once we approach them with this,
一旦我们这样接近他们
it's gonna be awfully hard for me to log in
我会很难跟市政府
with my anonymous call to the city.
打匿名电话了
You're not gonna have to report anyone.
你没必要举报任何人
Call me David Copperfield,
叫我大卫·科波菲尔吧
'cause I'm about to make a boat disappear.
因为我就要让一艘船消失了
Hey, neighbors. I made you some banana bread.
邻居们 我给你们做了点香蕉面包
Oh, I love banana bread.
我喜欢香蕉面包
We have this at our dispensary,
我们的药房里也有这个
except we got weed in it.
不过里面会加大麻
But we could give this one to our kids as a trick.
但我们可以把你的面包给孩子们来耍他们
This boat is really something.
这艘船真不错啊
You know what we call her?
你知道我们怎么称呼她吗
- "Jackpot"! - 'Cause you sell pot.
-"头奖" -因为你卖大麻
Holy cow, we never thought of that.
天啊 我们从来没想到这一点
This is the best day of my life!
这是我这辈子最棒的一天
Permission to come aboard and check her out?
我可以登上来好好瞧瞧她吗
Yeah!
当然可以
That is, if you're talking about my boat and not my wife.
前提是你说的是我的船 而不是我妻子
Ooh, yeah, you can't climb aboard me.
是啊 你可不能登上我
Well, not in the driveway, anyway.
反正在车道上不行
- This is so great. - Yeah.
-这真是太棒了 -是啊
Did you do something new with your hair?
你去做了头发吗
Did you get a new wig or something?
买了一顶新假发还是怎么
Sweet boat like this belongs in the water, am I right?
这种漂亮的小船就该下水 对吧
Well, you know, people who put their boat in the water,
把船推下水的人们
they only use it on the weekend.
只能在周末使用船
We get to use this baby every day.
而我们每天都可以用
Can you imagine
你能想象
visiting this boat every day in the marina?
每天都去码头上找这艘船吗
You spend a bunch of money on something,
你花了很多钱买的东西
you want people to see it.
就要让人们看见
That's why I wear low-cut tops.
所以我穿着低胸上衣
Yeah! Listen up.
是啊 听好了
I just got to be honest.
我得说实话
We're having a hard time with the boat here.
我们对这艘船很有意见
What, you don't like Jackpot?
什么 你不喜欢"头奖"吗
It's gigantic and makes it pretty tough
它太大了 让我们很难
to park in our driveway.
在我们的车道上停车
Well, that's because you open your doors onto our driveway,
那是因为你们侵犯到我们的车道了
where we keep our boat.
我们的船停在这里
Yes, and, according to city regulations,
是啊 根据城市规定
it shouldn't even be here.
它不该出现在这里
"Regulations." Hear that?
规定 听到了吗
Look, we really do want to keep this friendly.
听着 我们真的想保持友好
And it's been here for three weeks.
这船都在这里停了三周了
- Yeah, and it's beautiful. - And it's tacky.
-是的 它很美 -很俗气
- Settle down! - Hey, that is uncool!
-冷静点 -你的话太难听了
There are four aces on the side of it.
船身上画着四张大A呢
You know what?
这样吧
We're gonna have to ask you to disembark.
我们现在要求你们上岸
That's boat for "Get off."
那是"滚开"的船上用语
Yeah, there's no room up here for an uptight buzzkill.
是的 这里不欢迎让人讨厌又扫兴的人
Don't call her a buzzkill.
不许说她让人扫兴
That's right. There's a lot of people who think I'm fun.
没错 很多人认为我很风趣
You complain about fireworks Friday,
你抱怨星期五的烟火表演
you complain when my son plays his kick-ass drum set,
我儿子敲鼓的时候你也抱怨
you bought curtains for your bedroom window.
你买了窗帘挂在卧室的窗户上
What have we ever done to you?
我们对你们做什么了吗
I think you just answered your own question.
我想你回答了你自己的问题
All right, you know what?
好 这样吧
Here, take your buzz-free banana bread
把你那半生不熟的香蕉面包拿走
and go back to your precious driveway.
回你们那宝贵的车道去
With pleasure.
很乐意
By the way, Claire,
还有 克莱尔
earlier, I was just being nice.
刚才我只是想表示友善
I do not like your new wig.
其实我根本不喜欢你的新假发
Hey, what you don't like is her real hair!
你不喜欢的是她的真头发
- Phil! - Uh, not the color.
-菲尔 -颜色是染的
Hey, Phil!
菲尔
Still think we need to be nice?
你还认为我们应该态度好一些吗
No. It's time for more drastic measures.
不 是时候拿出强硬手段了
No one insults... my banana bread.
没人可以羞辱我的香蕉面包
- Mitchell. - F-fiz-- no! No!
-米奇尔 -菲茨 不 不要
What have I said about you sneaking up on me?
我告诉过你不要偷偷接近我
I could have been shaving.
我可能在剃胡子
This could have been a sweeney Todd moment.
场面可能会像《理发师陶德》里一样
Because of me, clowning is in Lily's blood.
莉莉继承了我扮小丑的才华
Adopted.
她是领养的
But she's a natural, and we're gonna prove it to you.
但她有天赋 我们会证明给你看的
If she doesn't make you laugh,
如果她不能逗你笑
she'll quit clowning forever.
那她就再也不扮小丑
Come on.
求你了
Please.
来嘛
I present to you the Asian for any occasion,
我向你介绍大众皆宜的亚洲面孔
the clown that will invert that frown,
会让你转怒为喜的小丑
the dynamic duo of Fizbo and...
活力四射二人组 菲茨宝和...
Lizbo!
莉茨宝[似Limbo: 地狱]
Are you not hearing that?
你没听出来吗
We're working on the name.
名字我们还在研究
Oh, no, Fizbo dropped his hat.
不 菲茨宝的帽子掉了
Where did it go, Lizbo?
它去哪了 莉茨宝
It's right there.
在那里
There it is!
在这里呢
No, Fizbo! No!
不 菲茨宝 不要
What? I'm just putting my hat back on, Lizbo.
怎么了 我拿回了我的帽子 莉茨宝
Oh, my --
天呐
Confetti --
五彩纸屑
I hope Fizbo knows how to vacuum.
希望菲茨宝知道怎么用吸尘器
Who turned out the lights?!
谁把灯关了
You're just spreading it around.
你把那些弄得到处都是
I tried to be supportive for Lily.
我试着对莉莉表示支持
I really did, but I wanted to kill myself.
我真的尝试了 但是我真的想死
That's not part of the routine.
固定节目里没有这段
She's a natural. Do it again.
她真有天赋 再来一次
Okay, here we go. Nothing to it.
好的 来吧 不要紧
Make it rain.
尿吧
Yeah, I-I get it.
好的 我明白
You -- you can't pee with another guy looking at you.
有别人看着你 你尿不出来
Not a bad thing, by the way.
这不是什么坏事 顺便说一句
Son of a gun, his middle name was Clark.
老天 胡佛的中间名原来是克拉克
Jay!
May we have some privacy, please?
能给我们留点隐私吗
For what?
为什么
So that Joe can keep chewing on the electrical cord?
这样乔就可以继续咬电线了吗
O-oh, we're -- we're not clapping for this?
我们 我们不为这鼓掌吗
I told you that he was not ready, and when he is,
我跟你说过他没准备好
why don't you let his mother take care of it?
为什么不让他母亲来照看他呢
You know, I raised two fully functional children.
要知道 我养育了两个正常的孩子
You have two kids that I don't know about?
你还有两个我不知道的孩子吗
Please, just let Joe go on his own schedule.
拜托 就让乔按部就班长大吧
Manny learned to potty-train when he was 2 1/2.
曼尼两岁半才学会用座便
You told me it was 13 months.
你跟我说是十三个月的时候
I may have exaggerated a little bit.
我可能是有点夸张了
2 1/2 isn't advanced at all.
两岁半一点也不超前
What else did you exaggerate?
你还夸张了什么事
Did I really like Shakespeare when I was 3?
我三岁的时候真的喜欢莎士比亚吗
Not so much Shakespeare as Jello.
比起莎士比亚来 你更喜欢果冻
Was my first word really "Latte"?
我说的第一个词真的是"拿铁"吗
Not so much "Latte" as "Jello."
不是"拿铁" 是"果冻"
Oh, my god. I'm normal.
天呐 我就是个正常人
Trust me, kid, no one's saying that about you.
相信我 孩子 没人觉得你正常
Why did you tell me all those things?
那你为什么要那样跟我说
To give you confidence.
为了提升你的自信心
You needed it because you were having
你很需要自信 因为当时
so much trouble learning how to read.
你学识字遇到了很大的困难
This makes no sense.
这说不通啊
Yes, that what you always used to say.
是的 你以前也总这么说
I wasn't deterred.
我并没有灰心
I knew Lily had what it took to be a great clown.
我知道莉莉拥有成为优秀小丑的天份
I mean...
还用问吗
She just needed to find her persona,
她只是需要找到适合自己的形象
and that process can be painful, especially for me.
过程可能会很痛苦 尤其对我来说
Ohh, Lily!
莉莉
Good morning, neighbors.
早安 邻居们
Beautiful day, huh?
天气真好
Don't even try to sweet-talk us.
嘴里抹了蜜也没用
This tacky boat ain't going anywhere.
这艘俗船哪里也不会去
Hey, what's that?
那是什么
I don't know. What could it be?
我不知道 会是什么呢
Phil is not a vindictive guy.
菲尔不是那种报复心很重的人
He still listens to Milli Vanilli.
他现在还会听米利瓦尼利的歌
该乐队首张专辑大获成功后 传出幕后代唱丑闻
It's a scandal I can dance to.
我可以对着这丑闻起舞
But Ronnie and Amber don't deserve nice Phil.
可罗尼和安布尔不配见友好版菲尔
They dissed my woman,
他们对我的女人不敬
so I called in the big guns.
所以我请了大人物来对付他们
You are so sexy right now.
你现在真性感
Girl, you know it's true.
姑娘 你知道事实如此[米利瓦尼利经典歌名]
Oh, there it goes.
又恢复老样子了
Is that my son
那是我儿子吗
or am I looking in the world's most flattering mirror?
还是世界上最让人心花怒放的镜子
That's funny and uplifting!
真是风趣又振奋人心
It is!
当然
Thanks for coming so fast.
多谢你这么快就过来
Oh. Where were you when we called?
我们打给你的时候你在哪
Who knows? It all looks the same.
谁知道 看起来都一样
Either Arizona or New Mexico.
不是亚利桑那州就是新墨西哥州
Or maybe even regular Mexico.
甚至有可能是真的墨西哥
Thanks for coming, fellas.
多谢你们能来 各位
- Hey, guys. - Grandpa!
-你们好 -爷爷
There's my little girls. How are you?
我的小姑娘们来了 你们好吗
What the hell is this?
这是什么意思
We see your driveway boat
我们看到你停车位上的船
and raise you a convoy of retirees.
所以帮你找了群退休老人来护航
Oh, I want to have three more of your babies.
我想再给你生三个孩子
How was your road trip?
你的自驾游怎么样
The highlight came in Branson, Missouri,
亮点在密苏里州的布兰森
[俄罗斯裔美国喜剧演员]
when Victor rear-ended Yakov Smirnoff's S.U.V.
维克托追尾了雅科夫·斯米诺夫的越野车
The exchange of information was hilarious,
交换信息的过程超搞笑
but frustrating.
但也很累人
I don't understand anything that's happening.
我完全听不懂发生了什么
"In my country,
"在我的国家
car has insurance for me."
车给我上保险"
that sort of thing.
这一类的
Just laugh.
笑就好了
One day, we'll treasure these moments.
某天我们会怀念这个时刻的
I guess you guys convinced us.
你们说服我了
It's awesome having Giant recreational vehicles
在前院里摆一个大型消遣性交通工具
in your front yard.
真的很棒
Oh, we see what you two are doing.
我们知道你们打什么主意了
You're gonna see a whole lot more,
好戏还在后面呢
'cause these old guys like to do Tai Chi in shorty robes.
这些老家伙们喜欢穿着短款睡袍耍太极
This ain't gonna work. I like hanging with old people.
没用的 我喜欢跟老人家玩
Makes me feel in-shape.
让我感觉自己身材特好
They can't sleep and they can't hear.
他们睡不着还听不见
They're gonna be blasting talk radio all night long.
所以会整晚都开着收音机
When I get drunk, I snore real loud,
我喝醉以后打呼特别响
so I won't hear a thing.
所以什么都听不见
We just wanted to give you a taste
我们就是想让你体会一下
of what it's like to have you for a neighbor.
跟你做邻居是什么感觉
I love how close together all our mouths are.
我喜欢我们的嘴凑这么近
Okay.
好吧
Hey, dad, what's the --
爸 那个
What's the plot of that Rita Hayworth movie?
丽塔·海华丝那个电影讲啥来着
My friends here were wondering.
我朋友很想知道
That's my cue.
我们的暗号
Time to help my boy get rid of a boat.
该去帮我儿子处理船的事了
Uh, "Lady from Shanghai"?
《上海小姐》
That's the one.
就是那部
I-I can't remember all the details.
我记不清细节了
Pretty sure there was a horse in that movie.
不过里面肯定有匹马
Or was it a baby?
还是个婴儿来着
Funny thing -- none of it was in Shanghai.
搞笑的是 这些都不在上海
Or was all of it in Shanghai?
还是都在上海来着
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right.
好吧 我讲到哪里了 对了
So, either the horse or this baby...
所以 不管是马还是婴儿
I'm just putting these in the car.
我要把这些放进车里
I help underprivileged kids lift weights.
我帮穷人家的孩子练举重
You can't even drive yet.
你连车都不会开呢
Okay, you know my secret. What's yours?
好吧 你知道了我的秘密 你的呢
Do you honestly think any of this is gonna work?
你真觉得这种方式会有用吗
I don't know what I'm doing.
我不知道自己在干什么
I-I have no clue what to say when I'm around you,
在你身边我都不知道该怎么说话了
but I think about you all the time.
可我一直在想你
Fine. Here's my secret.
好吧 我的秘密是这个
I put all these walls up and act tough,
我装得这么高冷
but... I've never really been with a boy before.
可其实 我从来没跟男生恋爱过
Really?
真的吗
Because I've never been with a girl.
我也没有跟女孩恋爱过
oh, my God. Pathetic.
天呐 真可悲
Run home to your mommy, you little bitch.
回家找妈妈去吧 小婊砸
Is Lizbo in here?
莉茨宝在里面吗
I think she's in our room.
她应该在我们房间
Cam.
小卡
You know, you wouldn't be in this position
如果你没有背着我行动的话
if you hadn't gone behind my back.
就不会落到这般田地
I wouldn't be in this position if I had...
如果我丈夫足够支持我
a supportive husband.
我也不会落到这般田地
Okay. Really, I would love to hear how this is my fault.
我倒想听听看 这怎么成了我的错
Yesterday, Lily performed her heart out for you.
昨天 莉莉非常用心地为你表演
She was so excited to do that broom routine,
能表演扫帚把戏她很激动
and you gave her nothing.
可你毫无反应
So she got desperate,
她感到失望
and she resorted to mean-spirited gags.
于是开始做一些攻击性的表演
And then all of a sudden, guess what.
接着 就在一瞬间 你猜怎么着
You're Mister Mcgiggles!
你就成了笑笑先生[游戏人物]
Oh, is he like an uncle to you?
这个人物是不是就像你叔叔
You know what hurt the most is that my husband
我最失望的一点就是 我丈夫居然
turned our daughter against something that I love.
想让我们的女儿也讨厌我的爱好
Guys, we appreciate all your help,
我们很感激你们的帮助
but you probably shouldn't be up there.
但你们不该在上面啊
I don't mind.
我不介意
Is that weed I smell?
那是大麻的味道吗
Wait, you gave them pot?
你居然卖毒品给他们
No, I run a legitimate business.
别瞎说 我的生意完全合法
I'm not gonna risk it for that.
我才不会冒这个险
They brought their own.
这些是他们自带的
Dad?
老爸
- Not me, son. - It's me and Victor.
-不是我 -是我和维克托
Makes my arthritis feel better.
这能缓解我的关节痛
And I'm in remission from being lame.
而我还在缓解我的懒惰
Here's your beer, Frank.
弗兰克 你的啤酒
- Thank you, Ronnie. - Right on.
-罗尼 谢谢 -不客气
Here you go, guys. Pigs in a blanket.
上菜啦 这是猪包毯
Thank you, darling.
谢谢
What are you guys doing?!
你们在干什么
You're supposed to be annoying them.
你的任务是惹怒他们
- These guys could never annoy me. - What?
-他们不会惹怒我的 -什么
Oh, Ronnie!
罗尼
Sorry, son, it turns out Ronnie's a fellow army man.
抱歉儿子 罗尼居然也当过兵
Plus, at our age,
何况到了我们这个年纪
it's tough not to like someone who pays attention to us.
我们很难讨厌关心老人的人
Unbelievable.
难以置信
I should have known better.
我早该猜到的
My dad's too loveable.
我爸就是这么受人喜爱
It's always been his biggest flaw.
这是他最大的缺点
Hey, smells like a party!
闻上去好像在开派对啊
Back inside.
回屋去
Okay, then.
遵命
*Take your body down to the potty*
*乖乖坐到马桶上*
*To have some fun and go number one*
*一起嘘嘘乐趣多*
What is this filth?
这都是些什么啊
I tried everything,
我什么都试过了
videos, books, parenting websites.
视频 书籍 家教网站
I even tried to make a game out of it.
我连改编游戏都试过了
Nothing could get that kid to use the toilet.
还是没办法让他学会用马桶
By the way, do not search "Peeing games" on the internet.
另外 千万别在网上搜索"尿尿游戏"
Okay, Joe, what's it gonna be? I'm a wealthy man.
乔 你想要什么 我不缺钱
Just give me a number.
告诉我你要多少
Seven.
I just found out that's how old I was
我刚刚发现
when I learned to tie my shoes.
原来我七岁才学会系鞋带
Not 2, like I was told.
不是你告诉我的两岁
Okay, please, Manny.
曼尼 别这样
I might have exaggerated a little bit,
我可能是夸张了点
but I do that all the time.
但我一直都这样
Columbia actually is a very normal place.
哥伦比亚其实是个很正常的国家
My accomplishments are all lies.
我的成就都是假的
I can only deal with one traumatized child at a time.
我一次只能安慰一个受伤的孩子
Please, Jay, let that poor baby off the toilet.
杰 放过那可怜的孩子吧
Okay, new plan--
新计划
we leave him on the throne till he conks out,
我们就让他待在这里直到他昏睡过去
then we dunk his hand in a bowl of warm water--
然后把他的手放进一碗温水里
That's crazy.
你疯了
You know that you can't rush these things.
你知道这种事急不来的
You did it before with Claire and with Mitch.
抚养克莱尔和米奇时你经历过的
I don't think he did, mom.
我不这么认为
Yes, he did, right?
他经历过 对吧
Well, I was a little busy building a closet empire.
我忙着发展自己的衣柜事业
And racquetball was pretty big back then.
当时又很流行壁球
Maybe that's why this is so important to you.
也许这就是为何你如此看中此事
You missed so many milestones in their lives,
你错过了他们人生中的重要阶段
you don't want to miss them with Joe.
你不想在乔的身上也发生这种事
This is your second chance.
这是你的第二次机会
But don't worry, Jay. He knows you love him.
别担心 杰 他知道你爱他
I'd like him to remember that I'm there for him.
我想让他知道 我一直在他身边
I mean, who knows if I'll get another chance.
谁知道我还有没有第二次机会
I know. You won't.
我知道 你不会的
And he won't have to remember you
他也不用记得这些
because you're always going to be here.
因为你会一直在他身边
Forget it.
忘了吧
Come on. Let's give it a rest.
休息一下
The poor kid, all that pressure I put on him.
可怜的宝宝 我给了他这么大压力
Especially his bladder.
尤其是他的膀胱
You've probably got a gallon of apple juice in there, buddy.
你肚子里估计憋了一加仑的苹果汁
Did you see that?
你发现了吗
Did you see how you understood Jay?
你发现自己多么理解杰了吗
That's what makes you so special.
这就是你的特别之处
Anyone can learn how to walk
任何人都可以学会走路
or pee in a potty.
或是对着尿壶撒尿
You're the most sensitive and insightful person I have ever known,
你是我所知的最敏感 最具洞察力的人
and you have always been.
你一直都是这样
Come here, papi.
过来抱抱 小宝贝
He's peeing!
他在撒尿
- He's peeing! - My little genius!
-他在撒尿 -我的小天才
I knew you could do it, buddy!
我就知道你能做到的 小家伙
ay, Jay, he's not done.
杰 他还没撒完呢
Aw, hell. It's all over me.
我靠 撒我一身
Would you take him?
你能抱着他吗
Lily!
莉莉
- Oh, it's you. - Okay.
-是你啊 -行了
Come here. Come on. Let's have a little talk.
过来 来 我们好好谈谈
All right, I know that I have been laughing
听着 我知道你在对大爸
at some of the stuff that you've been doing to daddy,
实施整盅行为时 我也笑了
but I shouldn't have.
但我不该笑的
I know that you love this,
我知道你很喜欢这样
but I don't want you to be the type of clown that hurts people.
但我不希望你成为那种伤害别人的小丑
I don't do that to make you laugh.
我那么做不是为了逗你笑
You don't?
你不是吗
Well, then why do you do it?
那你为什么那么做
I hate it. I don't want to be a clown.
我很讨厌那样 我不想当小丑的
It's so weird.
真的好古怪
Oh, are you serious?
你是说真的吗
The jokes aren't funny
那些笑话一点都不好笑
And everybody's all,
每个人还在叫喊着
"Honk, honk, ah-ooga, wah, wah."
"滴滴 叭叭 乌拉 乌拉"
Oh, Lily, I love you so much. Oh, my gosh.
我好爱你 天啊
W-w-why didn't you just tell him?
那你为什么不直接告诉他啊
I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
我不想伤害他的感情
So I figured if I was a bad clown,
我心想如果我是个糟糕的小丑
he'd want me to stop.
他就会让我放弃的
Oh, honey, you don't have to worry about that.
亲爱的 你不用担心这个的
He'll understand.
他会理解的
You don't have to do what daddy does.
你不必对大爸言听计从的
You just need to tell him the truth.
你只需要告诉他实话就行了
- Tell me the truth about what? - Nothing!
-告诉我关于什么的实话啊 -没什么
No, Lily, it's -- it's okay.
不 莉莉 没关系的
I'm sorry, daddy, but I think I want to stop being a clown.
很抱歉 大爸 但我不想再当小丑了
Oh, but why? Y-you loved it.
为什么啊 你明明很喜欢啊
Because...
因为...
Because I'll never be as good as Fizbo.
因为我永远无法像菲茨宝那么出色
He's just so funny and special and magical.
他那么有趣 特别 又充满魔力
Sweetie -- well, listen.
亲爱的 听着
Fizbo is very special.
菲茨宝确实独具一格
But you shouldn't
但你也不用想着
expect to be as good as he is right away.
立马就变得像他那么出色啊
It's too much pressure.
压力太大了
Maybe I'll try again when I'm older.
或许等我长大一些了再试试吧
Coming up with a lie like that in the moment --
电光火石之间就想出那么美丽的一个谎言
That girl is no clown.
那丫头绝对不是小丑
She's gonna be a lawyer.
她会成为一名律师的
Hey, neighbor.
好啊 邻居
Just wanted to say I had a really good time
我只是想说 我们昨晚跟你爸一起
hanging with your dad last night.
真的玩得很开心
You don't need to rub it in.
你不用来刺激我的
I heard it all night -- you guys singing "Chantilly Lace."
我整晚都听到你们在唱"尚蒂伊蕾丝"
No, I'm serious.
不 我说真的
We had a long talk.
我们长谈了一番
Your dad and his buddies, they're good people.
你爸和他的朋友们 他们都是好人
They played the whole army card.
他们提到了军队什么什么的
And, well, I'm gonna do the honorable thing
我打算做件高尚的事
and, uh, move the boat.
把船移走
Really?
真的吗
Yeah, my brother says I can keep it in his driveway.
是啊 我兄弟说可以放在他家车道上
He hates his neighbor.
他憎恶他的邻居
I think your dad's right.
我觉得你爸说的对
We should start being better to one another.
我们应该对彼此好一点
I couldn't agree more.
我举双手赞成
I think you'll see, Once you get to know us,
我相信你一定会明白 一旦你熟悉我们
we're good people, too...
我们其实也是好人
There's no smoke.
根本没烟啊
I know.
我知道
Okay, folks.
好了 各位
Who owns the boat?
船是谁的
He -- uh, that would be me.
他...是我的
Why? Is there a problem?
怎么 有什么问题吗
Technically, you can't store it here,
严格说 你不能放置在这里
and some crazy lady keeps calling.
某个疯婆子不断打电话报警
Hi, officer. What's going on out here?
嗨 警官 什么情况啊
Wait, you guys narc'd on us!
等等 你们报了缉毒警
No, I brought you banana bread!
没有 我还给你拿了香蕉面包呢
It was her!
是她
Now who's the narc?
谁是缉毒警啊
Claire, that's pretty uncool.
克莱尔 你这也太缺德了
Super uncool! You guys are lame!
超缺德的 你们也太差劲了
I'm also gonna have to write up these rvs.
我还得给这些房车开罚单
- Oh no. - What? No.
-不是吧 -什么 不要啊
I'm holding. I'm making a walk for it.
我这儿有货 我先撤了