摩登家庭 第六季 Modern Family Season 6 第15集: Fight or Flight

上映日期: 2,014

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 贝丝·麦卡锡-米勒

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
Okay. Found you.
好了 找到你们了
I do have an open seat in first class,
头等舱有一个空座
if one of you would like a free upgrade.
如果你们其中一人愿意免费升舱的话
No, thank you. I think we'll sit together.
不用了 谢谢 我们要坐在一起
After the amazing weekend we just had --
在我们度过了美满的周末后
I'll take it.
给我吧
I deserved that seat.
那座位是我应得的
Three days in the woods with
和菲尔的前拉拉队死党们
Phil's ex-cheerleader buddies --
在丛林里共度了三天
the old stories,
听老掉牙的故事
the spontaneous human pyramids,
看他们自发地叠罗汉
Tumblr是雅虎旗下轻博客网站 音似tumbler: 翻跟头
constantly updating their tumbler Tumblr --
还不停地在Tumblr上发翻跟头的照片
I smiled through the whole thing.
我全程陪笑
Problem is I was so convincing,
但问题是我演得太好了
Phil thought I was having a great time.
菲尔觉得我是真的很开心
What do I want? Some credit.
我想要什么呢 颁个奖吧
When do I want it? Now.
什么时候要呢 就现在吧
I'm sorry if I smell like a campfire.
很抱歉我一身营火味
I've been in the woods for three days.
我在丛林里待三天了
I hate camping.
我讨厌野营
If I'm ever in the woods for three days,
我要是在丛林里待了三天
it means I've been dead for two of them.
那意味着我已经死了两天了
It feels good to laugh for real.
发自内心地笑感觉太好了
You look like you need a drink.
你看起来需要喝点酒啊
Hon?
亲爱的
Two chardonnays and a hot towel for my friend.
给我的朋友拿两杯霞多丽和一条热毛巾
Right away.
马上来
I love you, beautiful stranger.
我爱你 陌生美女
I have to admit, I was a little miffed
不得不承认 我有点生气
that Claire grabbed the good seat,
克莱尔居然选择了好座位
especially after I gave her such a magical weekend,
特别是我刚给她制造了一个魔幻般的周末
but I was determined to stay positive.
但我决心要保持乐观
And then it hit me.
之后我突然想到[打中了我]
家 庭
摩 登
第六季 第十五集
Everybody, Sal's here.
各位 萨尔到了
- Okay. - All right.
-好了 -好了
Is this straight?
条幅"直"吗
You're throwing a baby shower
你办一个迎婴派对
with a dozen men in tailored pants
邀请了十几个穿着定制西裤
sipping Bellinis.
喝着贝里尼酒的男人
Nothing about this is -- ugh, I can't even finish.
完全看不出哪里...我都说不出口了
Really? The last word was too much?
怎么 最后一个词分量太重了吗
So, we decided to get the gang together
我们决定把死党们聚集起来
to throw our friend Sal a belated baby shower.
给我们的朋友萨尔办一个迟来的迎婴派对
She's been a little hard to pin down lately,
她最近比较忙
but we knew she'd never miss the chance
但我们知道她肯定不愿错过
to shower with a bunch of men.
一帮汉子一起送礼[洗澡]的机会
You love that joke, don't you?
你很爱这个梗是吧
Well, because it's two different kinds of showers.
因为那是一词多意
This is little Sammy.
这是小萨米
This is as long
这也是第一次
as you've ever been in our house without a cocktail.
你来我们家这么久没喝酒
No, thank you. Just a water, please.
不了 谢谢 请给我水就行
Okay, everybody, drop your pearls.
各位 别这么吃惊
I'm still breastfeeding.
我还在母乳喂养呢
All the books say, "Do it at least a year."
书上都说 至少母乳喂养一年
Jotham, drink this.
约坦 这杯你喝吧
I can't. I'm leaving early to go to a hockey game.
不行 我得提早离开去看冰球赛
Kings versus Blackhawks.
国王对阵黑鹰[音似"黑屌"]
They can call a team that?
队名还能叫这个吗
Black hawks.
黑 鹰
I've got to put this in the kitchen.
我要把这个放到厨房去
I make all my own baby food.
所有宝宝食物都是我自己做的
It's all-natural, no chemicals.
完全天然 无化学添加
Uh, who is this woman?
这个女人是谁
She's not drinking, she's making her own baby food.
她不喝酒 自己做婴儿食物
Does Lily have any other plates?
莉莉还有别的盘子吗
I don't let Sammy eat off this plastic.
我不能让萨米从塑料餐具里吃饭
Uh, yeah, the far cabinet.
另外那边的橱柜里
Okay. None of this makes sense.
完全说不通啊
I know. How does she breastfeed him
我知道 她不让宝宝碰塑料的话
if she doesn't let him near plastic?
她要怎么母乳喂养啊[硅胶]
Mom, do I have a fever?
妈 我发烧了吗
Ay, let me check.
我看看
You know, we have a thermometer.
我们有体温计啊
Do you have to be so white all the time?
你一定要总是这么白人作风吗
Oh, baby, go lay down.
宝贝 快去躺下
You're such a brave, little boy!
你真是个勇敢的小男孩
He's faking it.
他装的
He's pretending to be sick
他装病
so he doesn't have to go to his cooking class.
为了不去上烹饪课
He has to go. Today's lasagna.
他必须得去 今天教做千层面
I've been starving myself all day for that.
我饿了一天就等那个了
He doesn't want to go
他不想去
because there's a boy there that is picking on him.
因为那里有个孩子总捉弄他
Cooking class?
烹饪课吗
You know, we're running out of places to send him
我们都不知道能送他去哪里
where he can be cool.
他会是酷学生了
I know. Enough is enough.
我知道 真的是够了
You have to teach him how to fight.
你得教他打架
Yeah. That'll work.
对 这管用
You're doing this.
你去教他
And don't tell him that this is coming from me.
但别告诉他这是我的主意
It's bad for a boy to know that his mother thinks he's weak.
知道他妈妈觉得他软弱对男孩子不好
That's a lifetime of paying women
会让他变成那种花钱找女人
to spank him until he cries.
打他屁股的男人
The kid is just not a fighter.
那孩子天生不会打架
He gets squeamish pounding veal.
他砸牛肉都小心翼翼的
Just do it!
教他
Fine, but I'm only doing it for the lasagna
好吧 但我教他只是为了千层面
and the extra food he's been bringing home on Sundays.
还有他每周日带回来的食物
Makes Mondays easier, you know?
这样周一就方便多了
Oh, my God, you're the Garfield.
天呐 你真是加菲猫
One of you pretty ladies
两位美女有谁愿意
want to take me to meet a girl later?
一会儿带我去见一个妹子吗
You think calling us pretty is gonna get you a ride?
你觉得叫我们美女就有免费车坐吗
I'll take it.
我来吧
Let me know when you want to leave.
你要走的时候告诉我
Besides, I like Rose. I think she's good for you.
另外 我喜欢罗思 我觉得她很配你
This is a new girl -- Sarah.
是另一个姑娘 莎拉
I'm done with Rose. She crazy.
我受够罗思了 她很神经
Easy, Macklemore.
慢着 花花公子
What do you mean, "crazy"?
你说"神经"是什么意思
I'll tell you what he means.
我告诉你他什么意思
Any time a woman challenges a man in any way,
女人在任何方面挑战了男人
suddenly, she's crazy.
她就成了神经病
So, what did she do that was so crazy, Luke --
她做了什么神经病的事 卢克
Give you her opinion?
跟你说了她的建议吗
Yeah, or what, did she dare to talk about her feelings?
是啊 或者 她竟敢谈她的感受
The words sound like you get it,
听起来你们好像是懂我了
but your tone is throwing me.
但你们的口气却像在批评我
Just tell me you said something nice when you broke up with her.
拜托告诉我你分手时说了几句好听的
I haven't broken up with her.
我还没跟她分手呢
What?!
什么
It just seems weird
打电话给别人
to call someone up and give them bad news.
告诉他们坏消息 感觉有些奇怪
She'll find out somehow.
她总会知道的
Ugh. Ugh, when did you become a guy? It's gross.
你什么时候成了男人 好恶心
You need to stand up and face her.
你得勇敢地面对她
In person?
当面吗
What are we, 30? Send her a text.
我们30岁了吗 给她发短信啊
You need to break it to her gently.
你得温柔地告诉她
First, tell her she's awesome.
首先 告诉她她超棒
And pretty.
而且好漂亮
If she was awesome and pretty,
如果她超棒而且漂亮
I wouldn't be dumping her.
我根本不会甩了她
Just do it, you pig.
照做 你个蠢猪
We all know I'm not gonna do it,
我们都知道我不会那样做
so if you want it done, here.
如果你们想要这样 给
Oh, and don't go looking around on there.
别偷窥我的手机
It's not gonna make you like me more.
不会让你们更喜欢我的
's-scuse me. I think you're in my seat.
抱歉 我觉得你坐了我的位置
Sir, we think you're in her seat.
先生 我们觉得你坐了她的位置
No, I'm definitely 16c.
不 我绝对是坐16C
This is 19c.
这是19C
Oh, darn it, that's three rows up.
该死 应该是往前三排
Sorry about that.
对不起
That's all right.
没事
Hi. Welcome.
欢迎
Um, could you hang back a second?
你能等会儿再坐吗
I-I dropped my phone.
我手机掉了
I may have, uh, what you're looking for...
我也许有你想找的东西
- Right there. - Wait. What?
-在这里 -等等 什么
Hi. I'm a professional magician.
你好 我是职业魔术师
Holy sword-box, you're Edward LeGrand.
老天爷啊 你是爱德华·罗格朗
Yeah, I am. I am.
是的 正是在下
I-I'm Phil Dunphy,
我是菲尔·邓菲
p-professional realtor, amateur magician.
职业房地产经纪人 业余魔术师
- Well, nice to meet you. - Hi. I'm Jillian.
-很高兴认识你 -你好 我是吉莉安
I've been told I have magic hands.
别人说我有魔法之手
I'm a masseuse.
我是按摩师
Why do you keep rubbing your forearm like that?
你为什么一直揉前臂
- Oh, I-I had a suitcase land on me. - Oh, let me see.
-有个行李箱砸到我了 -让我看看
Hey, Phil... ohh.
菲尔
...I've got a great new trick I want to show you.
我有个新魔术想表演给你看
Oh! Ooh, I can do tricks, too.
我也可以表演魔术
This spot's connected to your tongue.
这地方联系着你的舌头
Can I stow your bag for you?
需要我帮你放好包包吗
No, we'll be needing this.
不 我们会需要的
Trashy magazines.
八卦杂志
Oh, you're the best.
你最好了
Ooh. Caramel truffles.
焦糖巧克力
I even brought an extra fluffy neck pillow.
我还多带了一个松软的颈枕
Oh, this must be what a mother's hug feels like.
母亲的拥抱肯定就是这种感觉
Hello?
Well, it looks like she's taking good care of you.
看来她把你照顾得很好
Well, she is my best friend.
她是我最好的朋友
Listen to me, Julio.
听我说 胡里奥
I want the gutters cleaned today, not manana.
我要你今天清理好水沟 不是明天[西语]
[美国人认为西班牙人很懒惰]
If everyone thought my people were lazy,
如果人们都认为我们国家的人很懒
I would do whatever it took to not seem lazy.
我会尽一切努力表现得勤奋
Comprende?
明白了吗
Actually, we're gonna take off soon,
实际上我们很快就要起飞了
so we're gonna need you to turn off your phone.
所以我们需要你关掉手机
I'm actually not done talking, and two more.
我还没说完呢 再来两杯
Well, if I were you,
如果我是你
I'd put down the burrito and get up that ladder.
我会放下玉米煎饼 爬上梯子
What are you doing standing there
你怎么还站在这里
and not getting drinks for me and my good friend, Claire?
不给我和我的闺蜜克莱尔拿酒啊
Actually, we just met.
实际上我们刚见面
Oh, guys, guys,
两位
I can't let you do the cleanup all by yourselves.
我不能让你们俩打扫
Ronaldo will help you.
罗纳多会帮忙
Of course!
当然啦
Uh, where is Sal?
萨尔在哪里
I need her keys to start loading the gifts in her car.
我需要她的钥匙 好把礼物搬上她的车
I think she's changing Sammy in our room.
她好像在我们房间里给萨米换尿布
I hope she's also changing those drapes.
希望她把窗帘也换了
I don't want to sound like a sentimental softy,
我不想听起来像是个多愁善感的人
but does anyone miss
但有谁想念
the drunken whore she used to be?
过去的那个醉婊子吗
Oh, I like the new Sal.
我喜欢新的萨尔
Turns out, all she needed to bring out her maternal instinct
原来只需要一个小宝宝 她的母性本能
was a little baby.
就焕发出来了
I don't buy it. No, something's up.
我不信 不 有什么不对劲
You do remember her suggesting we chuck Lily into the ocean.
你记得她建议我们把莉莉淹死在海里吧
Oh, Mitchell, calm down. Babies change people.
米奇尔 冷静点 宝宝会让人改变
Like you used to be a judgmental cynic,
你以前是个愤世嫉俗的评判者
and then Lily -- oh, wait.
然后莉莉... 等等
You guys, Sal's not back there.
萨尔没在那里
- Sal? - The drapes still are.
-萨尔 -窗帘还在
Well, that's weird. Her car's gone.
真奇怪 她的车不见了
What?!
什么
Let's not jump to conclusions.
别太快下结论
In this neighborhood, her car could have been stolen.
在这片地区 她的车可能是被偷了
Well, you know, she did seem frazzled.
她看起来的确有些疲惫
May-- maybe she forgot to say goodbye.
也许她忘记说再见了
Oh, and forgot all of her presents.
忘了她的所有礼物吗
And forgot her baby.
忘了她的宝宝
You don't think that there's any way that she would --
你们不会觉得她...
N-no.
I-I can't even say it.
我都说不出口
I can.
我可以
That gin-soaked tart abandoned the little bastard.
女酒鬼抛弃了私生子
What? He's fatherless.
干什么 他没有父亲
Am I wrong?
我说错了吗
Okay, I've called Sal five times,
我给萨尔打了五次电话
and she still hasn't picked up.
她还是没接
I knew this whole "Earth mother" thing was an act.
我就知道"大地母亲"什么的是一场戏
Oh, maybe we should use our happy voices
当我们指责一位母亲
when we're accusing a mommy
抛弃了她的小宝宝时
of abandoning her little baby boy.
我们也许该用快乐的声音
- Ugh. This is a true disaster. - Isn't it?
-这真是一场灾难 -不是吗
Someone put a Spanish roof
有人把西班牙式屋顶
on what is clearly a mid-century ranch.
盖在了中世纪农场式别墅上
Oh, no.
不好
Someone just went numero two.
有人刚拉屎了
And the aftershocks are still rolling in.
余震依然绵绵不断
Here's her diaper bag. And...what's --
这是她的尿布包 这是...
Oh, no. This, here's a note.
等等 这里有张字条
"I'm sorry to leave this way.
很抱歉以这样的方式离开
I'm not proud of it,
我并不感到自豪
but I just can't do this anymore.
但我真的受不了了
Goodbye. Sal."
再见 萨尔
It's getting harder and harder
越来越难
to keep a positive spin on this.
不把这事往坏处想了
Here. Have some cheese.
吃点奶酪吧
Oh, no. Thank you. I'm, I'm good.
不了 谢谢 我不吃
Oh, my.
天呐
That is strong.
这味道还真重
Oh, my goodness.
天呐
Hey. What are you staring at?
看什么看
It's French cheese.
这可是法式奶酪
Costs more than you make in a week.
你一周的薪水都买不起
Okay, you might want to keep your voice down.
你最好小声点
- Claire. - Yeah?
-克莱尔 -怎么了
That guy over there is checking you out!
那边的帅哥在对你放电
I don't think he is.
我觉得他不是
My friend Claire would like to meet you in the bathroom.
我朋友克莱尔想在卫生间和你相会
No. I-I did not say that.
我没那么说
Claire, why do you do that to yourself?
克莱尔 你为什么要这样糟蹋自己
You are so pretty.
你这么漂亮
Hey, Phil, what time is it?
菲尔 几点了
What's wrong?
怎么了
My watch is gone, Edward,
我的手表不见了 爱德华
what did you do?
你做了什么
Jillian, what's your middle initial?
吉莉安 你中间名的开头是什么
"C," For Catherine.
C 代表凯瑟琳
And, Phil, what age were you when you first kissed a girl?
菲尔 你第一次跟女生接吻是什么时候
12 cousin, 14 non-cousin.
12岁和表妹 14岁和不是表妹的女生
Let's stick with non-cousin.
从不是表妹的那个算起吧
I think if you go to 14c, seat right over there,
如果你去到那边的14C座位
you'll wind up with what you're looking for.
你会找到你想要的[上发条]
It works on battery,
我的表是电池表
but, oh, my God, I'm excited!
不过我好激动
Excuse me.
借过
- Phil. It's me. - Oh, hey.
-菲尔 是我 -是你啊
- What are you doing back here? - I need a break
-你在这做什么 -我需要逃离
from the woman I'm sitting next to up there.
坐在我旁边的那个女人
- She is the worst person on earth. - I'm sorry.
-她是世界上最糟糕的人 -真遗憾
I was hoping she might be a little less aggressive with you.
我想她对你可能不会这么咄咄逼人
Do you mind switching with me for a little while?
你愿意跟我换一下座位吗
Oh, honey, you don't want to.
亲爱的 你不会想跟我换的
It's hell back here, too.
这里简直是地狱
I'm squished between this fat lady
我左边坐着一位胖女士
who keeps digging into my elbow
一直撞到我的胳膊肘
and this huge, sweaty dude
右边坐着一位汗津津的老兄
who won't stop blabbing on about his job.
一直拿自己的工作夸夸其谈
Well, could I get a hug? I could really use one.
能抱一下我吗 我需要一个拥抱
Sure thing. They want us back in our seats.
没问题 他们让我们回座位了
I didn't hear the little ding.
我没听到提示声啊
Your ears must be plugged.
你肯定是耳塞了
Did you feel that?
感觉到了吗
No, I-I-I didn't feel anything.
什么都没感觉到
This is scary. You should go back.
太恐怖了 你还是回去吧
Amazing.
太棒了
Thank you.
谢谢
Sorcerer!
大魔法师
Not bad. I felt that one.
还不错 感受到你的力量了
So good, Manny.
很不错 曼尼
All right, really let one go this time.
这次再用力点
Thinks about how mad this guy makes you.
想想那家伙让你多么生气
- What's his name? - Gideon.
-他叫什么 -吉迪恩[犹太勇士]
Oh, geez.
天呐
All right, think about what he did to you.
想想他对你做了什么
I'd rather not talk about it.
我还是不说了
I don't know why you're smiling. Your fennel's burnt.
不知道你傻笑什么 你的茴香都糊了
Whereas I made a perfect butternut squash.
我的奶油南瓜汤就要大功告成了
That's just butter.
你拿的只是黄油而已
Oh, yeah, I-I totally forgot the nut squash!
我忘了我要做的是奶油蛋蛋汤
Snap it. Snap it. Good.
用力 用力 不错
- More. Good. - I'm done.
-再来啊 -够了
I'm not fighting anymore. It's not worth it.
不打了 不值得
But you're doing so good.
但你做得很棒啊
You just have to turn your shoulder first
就是要先把肩膀转过来
so that you can throw your weight behind your punch.
这样出拳时就能把全身的重量一并送出去
If you want.
如果你想的话
I already think that you're very tough.
我觉得你已经很威猛了
This is all Jay's idea.
这都是杰的主意
All right. Come on, kid. Show them who's boss.
好了 继续 让他们看看谁是猛男
No. I'm more of a lover than a fighter.
不 比起斗殴 我更喜欢走慈爱路线
Well, that's the goal, anyway.
反正我的目标是这个
Okay, papi, whatever you decide.
宝贝 你开心就好
Don't let him leave this room!
不要让他离开这个房间
Maybe you should teach him how to hit.
也许该由你来教他
Oh, my God. Check it out.
天呐 看这个
Rose got your breakup text and wrote back.
罗思收到了你的分手短信 给了回复
She mad.
她发火了
What? Give me that.
怎么发火了 把手机给我
"Thanks for the dumbest breakup text ever.
谢谢你发来史上最蠢的分手短信
Don't call a girl awesome, then break up with her.
不要夸一个女孩很棒 然后跟她分手
If I'm so great, why'd you dump me?
如果我那么好 你为什么还要甩了我
Get over yourself, you insensitive troll"?
别自以为是了 冷血的禽兽
What is her problem? She can't talk to you like that.
她是什么毛病 怎么能这样跟你说话
She's not. She's talking to you.
不 她是在跟你们说话
I can't believe I ever liked this girl.
真不敢相信我原来还挺喜欢她
Our text was compassionate and respectful.
我们的短信深情又礼貌
There was nothing dumb about it.
哪里蠢了
A million percent.
百分之一百万
What are you doing?
你在干什么
This crazy bitch just messed with the wrong crazy bitch.
那个贱人惹到我这个贱人真是失误
This is unreal.
这不是真的
We always knew Sal was unstable,
我们都知道萨尔有点疯疯癫癫
but how could she do this?
但她怎么能做这种事
We don't know that she's done anything.
我们还不知道她做了什么
Okay, let's just suppose for a second
假设她现在坐在一架
that she's on a plane to Cabo.
去往卡波的飞机上
What then?
然后呢
Maybe this is part of a bigger plan.
也许这一切是命中注定
You know, maybe the reason
也许在莉莉之后
we didn't adopt another baby after Lily
我们没有领养别的孩子
was because god wanted us available for Sammy.
是因为上帝想让我们收养萨米
Who is this god that denies us a baby,
这个上帝不让我们领养孩子
then gets a party girl pregnant,
却让一个狂野女怀了孕
only to have her desert the baby
最后抛弃自己的孩子
so that we can finally get one?
好让我们能收养他
The same god that impregnated a virgin,
就是这个上帝让处女怀孕
sent Moses down the river in a basket,
让摩西在篮子里顺河漂下
and commanded Abraham to stab his own son.
让亚伯拉罕杀死自己的儿子
God only does weird baby stuff.
上帝总是对小孩不太好
Okay, yes, I'll admit,
好吧 我承认
there is part of me that would love to keep this little guy
其实我也想留下这个小家伙
and raise him the way Sal was pretending to.
像萨尔装出来的那样抚养他
Exactly. Lily could have a baby brother.
没错 也可以给莉莉添个小弟弟
But there are systems in place here.
但还有制度管着呢
You can't just keep him
你总不能把他当作
like a bunny you found in the yard.
一只院子里捡到的兔子留下吧
That's crazy.
那也太扯了
Listen, we discussed it,
听着 我们讨论过了
and we think we should take the kid.
我们觉得孩子应该给我们
What should we call him?
我们该给他取啥名
Not sure, but definitely not Sammy.
不确定 但肯定不能叫萨米
Sammy Saltzman sounds so silly.
萨米·萨尔茨曼听起来蠢爆了
We can overhand shuffle,
可以用上手洗牌法
and we can riffle shuffle...
也可以用鸽尾洗牌法
But, you know,
但你知道吗
there is no escape from the angry...
无论如何都躲不开暴怒的
- Queen. - What?
-皇后 -什么
Phil. What are you doing?
菲尔 你在干什么
Making the best of a bad situation?
苦中作乐
Why is that woman rubbing your shoulders?
那女的为什么要揉你肩膀
Oh, uh, Jillian is a masseuse,
吉莉安是位按摩师
and this, of course, is Edward LeGrand.
这位就是大名鼎鼎的爱德华·罗格朗
Pleasure to meet you.
见到你很高兴
Now, if you could just give me my ace of spades back,
能把黑桃A还我吗
it's in your pocket.
就在你口袋里
This is why you had to race back to your hellish seat --
原来你那么着急回到这个地狱般的座位
for back rubs and card tricks?
是为了享受背部按摩和纸牌魔术啊
Do you have any idea what I'm going through up there?
你知不知道我旁边坐着个什么人
She clipped her toenails
那女的剪了自己的脚趾甲
because her "Oriental girl" didn't do it right.
因为她的"亚洲女人"手法不对
Claire, I'm sorry.
克莱尔 抱歉
But I need you to check your pocket.
但你得检查下口袋
Insanity!
我去
Thank you very much.
谢谢您
Don't be mad at me.
别生我的气啊
You're the one who grabbed that seat.
是你自己要坐在那的
That was a pretty selfish move.
你那么做真的很自私
Yeah, I did grab that seat,
没错 是我要坐在那的
because I spent the entire weekend being selfless,
因为整个周末我都大公无私
and you didn't even thank me once.
但你都没谢过我
Why would I thank you
我为什么要谢你
for giving you an awesome weekend?
我给了你一个超棒的周末
Awesome?
超棒
You spent the whole weekend rehashing stories
你整个周末都在重温
about itchy, rusty, and loveboat.
阿痒 阿锈还有爱爱船的故事
How is that fun for me?!
我怎么可能会觉得这些东西有趣
They were always getting into stuff!
这些梗都超好笑好吗
I came back here for some compassion,
我过来想找点安慰
and all you did was lie to me and blow me off
你却对我撒谎 把我撇在一边
so you could keep having your fun
跑回来接着享乐
while I suffer up there in first class!
我却只能坐在头等舱煎熬
Oh, my heart goes out to you.
我好同情你
Oh, stick it, Kreskin.
去你的吧 克雷斯金[算命大师]
cheese-eating: 该词本身带有种族歧视色彩形容法国人
I'm sitting next to a cheese-eating racist.
老娘旁边坐着个吃奶酪的种族歧视者
I'm sorry about your card.
对不起 你的牌被撕了
Don't be.
不用
Son of a...
我的...
All right.
到了
I'll be back -- pick you up at 6:00.
我六点回来接你
Now, remember, what did I teach you?
还记得我怎么教你的吗
Violence solves everything,
暴力能解决一切
and don't wind my fist up like Popeye.
还有别像大力水手似的挥拳
It's not violence. It's self-defense.
不是暴力 是自卫
You cannot let this kid keep pushing you around.
你不能任他欺负你
Now, you walk in there like a badass,
给我拿出一副恶棍样 走进去
and you make the best damn lasagna anybody's ever seen.
做出人所未见的美味千层面
I appreciate the speech, jay,
谢谢您的教导 杰
but I'll handle things my way.
但我会按照我的方式来处理这事
Kid, one more thing.
孩子 还有一件事
Don't forget the garlic bread.
别忘了大蒜面包
- Because without that... i- - I get it.
-要是没了它 -我懂
Hey, Delgado.
等等 迪尔加多
Manny, I'm talking to you.
曼尼 我跟你说话呢
You want a piece of this?
想要一块这个吗[想打架吗]
Ow! What was that for?
你这是干嘛
Looks like I gave you a piece of this.
看来是你被我打了
What the hell?
你有病啊
I was just offering you some apple crumble!
我刚问你要不要烤苹果奶酥啊
What? You were not.
什么 才不是呢
Yes, I was! I felt bad about teasing you.
我说真的 上次的事我很内疚
My therapist said
我的心理医生说
I was acting out because of my parents' divorce,
我行为失常是因为父母离婚
so I was trying to be nice.
所以我想跟你和解
I'm so sorry. I didn't know!
对不起 我不知道
Good shot, kid!
打得好
That'll teach you who to pick on, you punk --
现在知道别招惹谁了吧 小混球
Not my boy!
离他远点
He learned how to punch from the best.
他的拳法可是跟高手学的
His parents are getting divorced,
他父母要离婚了
and he made me that dessert as an apology.
他做了那些甜点来道歉
This whole thing was your mother's idea.
这全都是你妈的主意
Ronaldo, you grab the roller thingy, and, uh --
罗纳多 你拿上那个会摇的东西
Oh! I'll grab that big mesh cage.
我拿那个网眼笼
All right. Everybody, stop.
够了 所有人都停手
You can't just keep a baby
你不能就这么收养一个孩子
like it's some rabbit you found in the yard.
跟在院子里捡到的兔子似的
There are systems in place.
有制度管着呢
He has to stay somewhere tonight, no?
他今晚总得待在什么地方吧
Yeah, how about right here,
没错 待在这不行吗
because we know how to raise a child?
我们可是有育儿经验的
Oh, please.
得了吧
We'll dress him and feed him,
我们会给他换衣服 喂他吃东西
and Conchetta can handle the poopy stuff.
粑粑什么的可以让肯奇塔处理
I gave her Obamacare.
我给她上了医疗保险呢
It's the least she can do.
这点事她总该做吧
We all want what's best for the baby.
我们都想给宝宝最好的
Y-you're very nice people, but we've done this before.
你们人不错 但我们有经验
So? It's our turn.
那又怎样 该轮到我们了
I wanted a child for some time now.
我想要孩子很久了
My biological clock is ticking.
人家身体马上就不适合养了呢
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
您这说辞也太扯了呢
- Is it? I'm 44. - Or that is.
-扯吗 我44了 -你才44也挺扯的
You are one mean lady.
你个牙尖嘴利的小婊砸
We're not leaving without Felipe.
没费利佩我们决不走
Well, then, you're not leaving.
行 那你们就留在这吧
Fine!
留就留
Did we settle on "Felipe"?
真的要叫"费利佩"吗
Phil.
菲尔
Honey, what are you doing?
宝贝 你在这干嘛
One second.
你等下
So, I have 20 fur coats in my closet,
我衣橱里有20件皮毛大衣
but I'm the only one of my friends
但我的朋友里面
who even wears them anymore,
只有我还会穿那些
so you tell me who's endangered.
你说说到底是谁要绝种了
Jillian's waiting for you in my seat
吉莉安在我的座位等着
to give you a little back rub.
为你做个背部按摩
You don't have to do this.
你没必要这么做
You didn't have to be so great this weekend.
你这个周末也没必要那么耐心
But you were, so thank you.
但你做到了 谢谢你
And I should have said that earlier.
我应该更早一些感谢你的
Go enjoy the rest of your flight.
去享受剩下的旅程吧
I'll deal with this.
这边交给我处理
"Deal with this"?
"交给你处理"
I'm a state senator's mistress.
我可是州议员的情妇
You're my hero.
你是我的英雄
Wipe your feet before you come in!
进屋前把鞋底蹭干净
Listen to that. First thing out of her mouth,
听听 她说的第一句话
she's telling us what to do.
就是给我们下命令
Well, that stops today.
一切都要在今天结束
We go in strong. We hold our ground.
我们要强势一点 决不让步
We let her know she's done pushing us around.
要让她知道 我们不再随她摆布了
Manny, why are you home so early?
曼尼 你怎么这么早就回来了
Did you let him skip school?
你让他翘课吗
No, mom.
不是 妈
I was kicked out
我被开除了
for punching a really misunderstood kid,
因为我打了一个被误解的学生
thanks to you.
都是因为你
Thanks to me? What, did --
因为我吗 什么
I told him everything.
我都告诉他了
And you know what we realized?
你知道我们意识到了什么吗
There is a bully in our life,
我们的生活中的确有个欺凌弱小的人
and it's you.
就是你
You make the rules, you boss us around,
你给我们定规矩 随意指使我们
- and we're not gonna take it anymore. - Mm. Yeah.
-我们不会再忍气吞声了 -没错
Ah, look at you two,
瞧瞧你们两个
standing up to the big, scary bully
鼓足勇气 来和这个
that loves you and protects you
爱你们 保护你们
and wants you to be safe in this world.
希望你们安全的大坏蛋对峙
You're just tiny, little men to me right now,
现在你们在我眼中就是两个渺小的男人
and you need to leave this house and come back with more respect!
给我离开这个房子 带着敬意回来
And a pizza.
还有比萨饼
Oh, what?
怎么
You need to go first and check on your mascara?
你们要先去看看睫毛膏有没有花掉吗
- We do need to eat. - Yeah.
-我们的确需要吃东西 -是的
I wouldn't mind some pizza.
吃比萨饼挺好
We're not getting any pineapple.
不要上面带菠萝的
You are getting pineapple!
要带菠萝的
We're taking it off our slices.
我们把菠萝都挑出去
Don't waste any food, Jay!
不要浪费食物 杰
I think we made our point.
我觉得我们表明了立场
Totally.
完全表明了
We'll get our own pizza -- eat it in the car.
我们自己买比萨饼去 在车里吃
Give me one reason
给我一个理由
why Sammy should stay here tonight
为什么萨米今晚应该留在这里
instead of with us.
而不是跟我们走
Because we're experienced parents.
因为我们有做家长的经验
We have a crib!
我们有婴儿床
We have a pediatrician.
我们有私家儿科医生
Our house is babyproofed.
我们的家对宝宝很安全
Our house was in Architectural Digest.
我们的家被《建筑设计文摘》拍摄过
Ronaldo, please, you're not helping.
罗纳多 省省吧 说那个没用
They don't know what that is.
他们根本没听过那本杂志
How can you even fit another child in this shoe box?
你们这个蜗居怎么可能再容下一个孩子呢
You're poor!
你们太穷了
We have a beautiful house with a big yard
我们有栋漂亮的房子 还有个大院子
where he could throw the ball with the gardener.
他可以在那里和园丁一起玩球
Okay, look.
好吧 听着
If anybody's gonna adopt Sammy, it's gonna be us.
如果有人要收养萨米 那一定是我们
Whoa! Do I have any say in this?
都不问一下我的意见吗
Sal! Oh, well, you're back.
萨尔 你回来了
What the hell are you four doing?
你们四个在干什么呢
You walked out of here
你离开了派对
and left your baby without saying a word,
什么都没说就把宝宝扔下了
so maybe we'll be asking the questions.
所以也许应该由我们来问你
I told John John where I was going.
我跟约翰·约翰说了我要去哪里
The drunkest guy at the party.
派对上醉得最厉害的那个家伙
Excuse me for not wanting
抱歉我不想打断
to interrupt your fierce debate --
你们的激烈辩论
"Who's hotter,
威猛先生和那个
Mr. Clean or the brawny paper towel man?"
厕纸包装上印的肌肉男谁更帅
- Mr. Clean. - Brawny paper towel guy.
-威猛先生 -厕纸肌肉男
We're not going back there.
不要再吵起来了
That still doesn't explain why you would leave
这还是不能解释你为什么忽然离开
in the middle of your own baby shower.
你自己的迎婴派对
I got freaked out when Jotham mentioned the Blackhawks.
约坦提起黑鹰队的时候把我吓到了
Every time. I hear it every time.
每次 每次我都听错
Sammy's dad is on the team, okay?
萨米的父亲是那个球队的
And he didn't know Sammy existed --
他不知道萨米的存在
At least not until I just went down there
至少在刚刚我跑过去告诉他之前
and I told him.
他不知道
Oh, gosh. What happened? How did he take it?
天呐 怎么样 他的反应如何
It turns out he's married.
原来他是有妇之夫
Yeah, I could have googled that.
是的 我本可以先在网上查一下他的
So he's out.
所以他指不上了
And you thought I deserted my own baby?
你们觉得我抛弃了自己的宝宝吗
You did leave.
你的确离开了
And then what -- what's up with this note, huh?
还有 这个纸条又是怎么回事
Look -- "I'm sorry to leave this way.
很抱歉以这样的方式离开
I'm not proud of it, but I just can't do this."
我并不感到自豪 但我实在受不了了
This diaper bag
这个尿布包
is just a recycled purse from my single days!
是以前我单身时用过的包包
I got a lot of these notes lying around
里面有很多这样的纸条
for quick getaways.
以便我迅速甩掉男人们
You guys don't think that I can do this, do you?
你们觉得养孩子这事我做不来 是不是
No!
不是
- We always thought you could do it. - I certainly don't.
-我们一直觉得你能行 -我可没有
- We don't think you can't do it. - Shut up!
-我们不认为你做不到 -闭嘴
I don't think I can do it, either!
我自己也不认为我能行
Oh, Sal.
萨尔
I mean, it's just
实在
so hard.
太艰难了
I feel so guilty that he doesn't have a dad in the picture.
他没有爸爸 让我觉得好内疚
I don't know. I'm trying to do everything perfectly.
我不知道 我努力把每件事做得完美
It's exhausting.
感觉好累
And I haven't had sex in like a year.
而且我有一年没有滚床单了
This little dude --
这个小家伙
He's the one thing in my life that I cannot mess up.
是我生命中唯一一个不能搞砸的事
I just wish I could give him a dad.
我只是希望能给他一个父亲
Well... what about us?
我们怎么样
We could be Sammy's dad. All of us.
我们可以做萨米的爸爸 我们所有人
Yeah, Sal, we love you,
是啊 萨尔 我们爱你
and we're always here for you -- whatever you need.
我们永远支持你 无论你需要什么
Except we'll be in Capri all of July.
除了七月我们要去卡普里岛
Seriously, Sal,
说真的 萨尔
you and Sammy will never be alone.
你和萨米永远都不会孤单
You guys are so sweet.
你们真好
Wait. June's no good, either.
等等 六月也不行
I'm getting my neck done.
我要去整一下我的脖子
Oh my god. What did you do?
天呐 你们干了什么
We stuck up for you.
我们维护了你的尊严
Yeah. Rose had it coming.
没错 罗思自找的
She can't talk to you the way we do.
她怎么能像我们那样跟你讲话
Well, Rose forwarded your texts to Sarah.
罗思把你们的短信转发给了莎拉
And now Sarah doesn't want to go out with me.
现在莎拉不愿意跟我约会了
Give me that phone.
把手机给我
What did the skank Sarah say to you?
那个贱人莎拉说什么了
Yeah ouch. Good opening.
哎哟 开头不错
So funny. We totally deserve that.
真幽默 是我们自作自受
Totally. Good sense of humor.
没错 这小姑娘真幽默
- Oh my god. I love her. - Me too.
-天呐 爱死她了 -我也是
Don't worry Luke. We're gonna win her back.
别担心 卢克 我们会把她追回来的
We're just go...
我们只需...
Luke!
卢克
You think maybe we need dates of our own?
我们是不是应该去找自己的约会对象
So bad.
太需要了