Okay. We're almost ready here.
Okay. Now, easy on the filters, Cam.
好 滤镜别用得太过 小卡
It's a family picture. We don't need sepia tone.
You know what other tone we don't need?
We are taking a new photo for above our mantel.
Lily's not in the one up there now,
and we...started to get the slight impression that...
it was bothering her.
Lily, we're ready for dinner, sw--
莉莉 要吃晚饭啦 亲...
- Great. - Great.
- Let's shake out our faces. - Really?
Who took the online course? Shake 'em out.
Yep. That's perfect.
- Chee-e-e-se! - Chee-e-e-se!
- can I see you over here, please? - Yeah.
Hang tight, sweetie.
Why is she doing that with her face?
I don't know. I've never seen
such a weird, forced smile.
- Beautiful. - Perfect.
What an amazing campus!
I mean, look at these cool buildings.
And did you guys see the turtles?
And check this out --
A reflecting pond.
Great. Maybe you can see how crazy you're being right now.
God, I wish I'd brought a frisbee.
What's so special?
It looks exactly like the college I went to.
And we've been here
exactly as long as you were there.
Well, Alex is leaving.
Somebody's got to keep the trains running.
Back me up here, guys.
This place screams "Alex," Right?
It looks like every other college in America.
What am I missing?
Good grades, S.A.T. scores, basic verbal skills.
好成绩 SAT分数 基本语言能力
That's how you do it.
Caltech is the perfect school.
And Alex! Come on, we are talking about
还有艾丽克斯 拜托 我们说的可是
one of the best schools in the country.
And, yes, it happens to be 45 minutes from our house.
Of course, we'll support her wherever she goes.
Obviously. Nothing is more important to me
当然啦 对我来说 没什么
than her academic whatever,
the important thing is keeping her close
for the next four years.
After that, I'm never gonna see her
unless she Skypes me from Neptune,
where she's living in a biodome she invented.
Awesome! That means Christmas on Neptune!
Every other year?
All right, everyone, gather 'round.
We'll be starting the tour in just a moment.
Okay. I'm gonna peel off and hit the robotics lab
to see how close they are to a working female.
They're not nearly as close as you'd hope,
and you're not leaving my side.
But it's so boring.
It's like I'm being punished.
You are being punished.
That's what happens when your teacher calls
to tell me you cut class.
I'm sorry. I lost track of time making my movie.
A superhero whose heart can beat a thousand times a minute.
Check it -- there's a lab on campus
where they do experiments on you for 50 bucks.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I used to do a lot of these in college.
Sometimes it's questions.
Sometimes they hook stuff up to you.
Sometimes it's just palling around with a monkey,
wondering why they're rewarding him and not you.
Well, that sounds great. You should go do that.
I'm up for it as long as they don't shave anything.
Hey, I'd love the 50 bucks,
but I'm pretty sure mom wants me here.
No, I don't. You can go.
Oh, you can drop the act.
I know you guys forced me to come here
so I can watch Alex
and get all inspired by college again.
Yeah, you just got in the car.
I only packed four sandwiches.
Happy anniversary, Jay!
I don't love this tableau.
Is that Gloria's gift to me?
Sure you do. I can tell by the wrap job.
She can't make corners like this, Manny!
Only because she's always in such a hurry.
Is life so busy you can't take 20 minutes
to get out the straight-edge and wrap a gift anymore?
Come on. I'm a little anxious about my gift for her.
It would make me feel a lot better
if I knew she phoned this one in.
Sorry, Jay. Only time will tell.
抱歉 杰 只有时间会告诉你答案
It's that black Panerai watch I wanted, isn't it?!
Why can't you be this fast when I'm your charades partner?
You didn't see me. Keep her out of the garage.
What are we gonna do?
I'm gonna talk to her.
I've been photographing her for years.
We have a relationship.
Really? What's she like?
I mean a professional relationship.
Look, I'm gonna tell her --
Her smile is forced, it's unnatural,
and we're not going home until we get what we need.
Couple of things --
we are home, and that's mean.
What's your suggestion?
We show her the photos
and let her discover her weird smile on her own.
Okay. That's good.
I video our football games
so I can see what we're doing wrong.
That's how I figured out
that powder-blue windbreaker washed me out so much.
Oh, thank god. I'm sure the team appreciated that.
- Lily, sweetheart, will you come here for a second? - Yep.
-莉莉亲爱的 你能过来一下 -好
Let's do this gently, okay?
Okay. So, daddy and I thought
that we would look at these photos together,
the pictures that we've taken so far,
and see if there's anything that we would do differently.
Like, okay, when I look at this photo,
I think, "I could stand up straighter."
Okay. I think I could be
a little less "Ryan Gosling"
and a little more "Every man."
Lily, is there anything that you see in yourself
that you would want to change here?
Well, maybe we should just do one more?
This might need a little powder.
Your wife's upstairs.
You don't have to hide in the garage anymore.
Close the door, will you?
How bad is the gift you bought her?
I didn't buy her anything.
I once gave her a bag full of hugs,
and she definitely prefers stuff.
Does that sound like me?
I made her something in my pottery class.
I can't believe you took a pottery class.
You're not the only one around here with an artsy side.
Yeah, I could've bought her another piece of jewelry,
but I thought, you know, she might like this a little more,
coming from the heart and all.
Well, show it to me. What is it?
It used to be my nickname for her.
On our first date, she had a cold,
and she was sniffling a lot,
and her nose would wrinkle up real cute --
you know, like a bunny.
Yeah, but that watch is big and gorgeous
and costs big bucks.
I can't give her something handmade. I mean, she --
She's not sensitive like you and me.
I think you went to the jewelry store inside here,
and you brought back a gem.
She's gonna love it. It's perfect.
But teacher Pablo did say it shows great promise.
And I am proud of the tail.
No, no, I said look.
And this building is home to one of our five Nobel laureates
currently teaching here.
It also houses our high-current,
high-stability particle accelerator.
Okay. You need to calm down.
This is a college tour,
not Oprah's Favorite Things.
I am just so impressed by this place. Aren't you?
It's one of the most prestigious tech schools in the country.
But if you must know,
I don't love everything about it.
What? Oh, the mascot's a beaver.
是什么 对了 吉祥物是海狸
Don't worry. Those jokes will get old.
No, they won't, because I'm not coming here.
Honestly, the only reason I took this tour today
is so you won't accuse me of
not giving it a fair shot.
Why wouldn't you want to go here?
I can't believe you're making me say this...
It's too close to home.
I have to get away from you guys for a little bit, okay?
All right. We're gonna check out the dorms.
Parents, say goodbye to your children.
Honey, it's okay.
We all say things that we don't mean sometimes.
Low blood sugar. I need my sandwich.
All right. You can please wait here,
and the experiment will begin shortly.
- Okay. Thank you. - Yeah.
-好 谢谢 -不用
What do you guys think this is gonna be?
I bet they'll show us those ink blots
that always look like two girls kissing.
A little tip from an old pro --
They can electrify cheese, so...
What are you doing?
Teaching this button a little something about free will.
Luke, it says, "Do not push."
Which just makes me want to push it more.
Haley, back me up.
Push it, don't push it. I don't care.
Is this mirror weird? I look fuzzy.
Who puts up a button
with a sign that says you can't push it?
The same people who stack the deck
so the monkey always wins...
What are you talking about?
We're not waiting for the experiment.
This is the experiment!
They're watching us right now!
- Okay. Good. - All right. Let's take a look.
Okay. She looks like Pepper's pomeranian.
We have to say something.
What's going on? Why are we still doing this?
Honey, daddy and I think you are a beautiful girl
with a beautiful smile.
And I'm seeing that here, okay?
But I'm just not seeing it here.
Lily, you're doing a different smile today.
It's just a little... stiff.
It's, uh -- it, um...
Uh, well, s-sweetie, um,
it's just not your normal smile, which is so beautiful.
You mean I'm not beautiful?
No, that's not what we're saying.
Just forget it! I don't want to do this anymore!
I'm an ugly monster,
and I'm never coming out of my room again!
Okay. Well, that was a disaster.
Agreed. But can I just say
I love how melodramatic she's getting?
- The little... - I know.
Hi, mi amor. Happy anniversary!
Happy anniversary, honey.
I hope you like this.
What did you get me?
What did you get me?
It's a bunny, mom.
It's a little rough around the edges,
but I'm just hoping you'll love what I put into it.
Oh, you put something inside?!
I don't get it. There's nothing inside.
Yeah, that's, uh... 'cause, um...
The damn stupid jeweler didn't put the bracelet in there.
The rose gold with the waves that I told you that I loved?
Yeah. Yeah, that's the one.
No, it's fine, Manny.
I can run down to the store right now and get it.
Ay, Jay, don't scream at him.
It was an honest mistake.
Yeah, in his heart,
he was probably trying to do the right thing.
And past the Millikan Library,
You'll find the Bridge Annex,
which is also the same site
That Carl D. Anderson discovered the...?
- Positron. - Positron.
I-I don't know. Maybe I just wanted to win.
我 我也不知道 我就是想赢过你
Is this your first-choice school?
No, I'm thinking M.I.T..
I live just half an hour from there.
Which explains why you want to go here.
I live here, and I want to go somewhere on the east coast.
Really? I'd love to be close to home.
Sunday dinners, laundry,
make sure my brother doesn't mess with
my hand-painted civil war miniatures...
which I don't cherish.
So why not M.I.T.?
Well, for applied physics, this is the better program,
and I'm not gonna make the biggest decision of my life
based off where my parents live.
Sorry. Did that... sound judgey?
I'm not really good at talking to pretty girls.
I -- well, I have a touch of Asperger's.
I just said that so you'd think I was interesting.
I was... just sorta hoping you'd be going here.
Did my mother put you up to this?
Does your mom tell boys to flirt with you?
Oh. You're -- you're -- you're flirting with me.
I mean, I don't mean to sound so surprised.
A lot of boys flirt with me.
Not a lot. Some.
Actually, one of them has Asperger's.
He could tell you the weather on the day you were born.
Okay. Well, I don't know why I said that.
The point is, I am single, by my own choosing, so...
关键是 我是单身 是我自己的选择
I am fine! I'm fine! Everything's fine!
我没事 我没事 什么事都没有
It's all I can think of.
Just let him push it. Who cares?
No one is touching this button!
This is a test of character --
to see if we're the kind of people with self-control
or the kind who just grab at any piece of cheese
that's put in front of them.
Don't you want to know what it does?
"Want to know what it does"?
Of course I do. It's killing me.
But what I want more
is for you to learn to follow the rules.
Is this about me skipping class again?
It's weird how obsessed you are with that.
Now let me push that button!
If you can't even pass a simple test,
how are you ever gonna get in to a good college?
Or hold down a job? We only have one basement.
There's no place for you to move
when your life bottoms out!
Dad, I cut that class
because I had to get one last shot for my movie.
You would've done the same thing.
You're not mad at me.
You're mad at yourself because I'm just like you.
Total shot in the dark.
You're right -- I set a terrible example for you.
No! It was awesome!
Do you think Steve Jobs followed every rule?
What about that guy who lived in that town
where people weren't allowed to dance?
Did Footloose follow the rules?
His name was Ren, and he most certainly did not.
Maybe that's what those scientists are looking for --
Who gives a hoot what those bastards want?
We're gonna break every rule, and we're pushing that button!
Back away from the button!
What are you doing?
I've been breaking the rules my entire life,
and look where it's gotten me.
I live in my parents' basement!
I'm sick of being a failure at everything!
You're not mad at us.
You're mad at yourself.
That's what I'm saying!
That bunny wasn't the only thing you shattered, lady.
When you first started dating him,
what was his nickname for you?
Oh, so that's why he put the bracelet inside the bunny.
There was no bracelet.
The bunny was the present.
He made it for you himself.
In a pottery class he's been taking for weeks.
And you smashed it on the counter.
And he was too embarrassed to say anything.
Glue! Okay, give me glue!
Haley, put down the chair.
Because this is getting absurd,
and it's no fun being laughed at
by a room full of scientists and a monkey in a diaper.
Yeah! We need to push that button,
show those eggheads that we're not sheep!
No! Breaking the rules doesn't make you a hero!
It makes you a screw-up!
Take it from me, Luke --
One out of a million dropouts
becomes Steve Jobs.
Do you know who become losers with no jobs?
The other 99,000!
Honey, you are not a loser.
I hear the shots you all take at me.
I see my sister about to lap me
at a college that I would never be able to get into.
Even someone as dumb as me
can see that I'm a giant failure!
Haley, stop, okay?
海莉 别说了 好吗
Haley, let me tell you something --
You have value, talent, and potential
that their tests can't measure.
Who cares if you don't fit into their little box.
You're finding your way.
That's what your 20s are for --
to -- to make mistakes and to learn from them,
and you are learning from them.
The fact that you won't push this button proves that.
That was really sweet, dad.
I can't believe I was gonna hit you
over the head with that chair.
Wait. So now we're not pushing the button?
No. We're supporting Haley.
For the rest of your life.
That is not helpful.
We need to stick together.
That's what this test is.
It's not about whether we push the button
or don't push the button.
You want to find out if this unites us or divides us.
and send these sons of bitches
and their filthy monkey a message!
How are they gonna know we're sending them a message
if we're not doing anything?
We have to hit that button.
Did you not see the sign?
Now the A.C. won't shut off. We have to call a guy.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is this...
Yeah, building full of scientists
and no one thought to push the button twice.
Please use number 2 pencils.
So this is the...test.
I got that cleared up with the jeweler.
Boy, was he embarrassed.
No. I am your bunny.
Jay, I don't want that bracelet anymore.
This is the most amazing gift you have ever given me.
Really? You--you--you like it?
And putting it back together
made me realize how much work you put into it.
Well, it--it's all in the details, really.
The bunny was in the clay.
I just had to find it.
Now I'm going to give you yours.
I think it's about that time.
And this would be, um...
A bookmark made of movie tickets
from the first movie we ever saw together.
It's the kind of thing I'd never get for myself.
This is what we should always do for each other--
thoughtful, handmade gifts.
We get too caught up in--in material possessions.
Ah, we got too much stuff.
Return this first thing tomorrow.
Yeah, and I'm gonna return the watch that I bought you.
So, is that the rose gold bracelet that I wanted?
Dynamite piece of jewelry.
Is that the ceramic with the 10-day, uh, power reserve?
Of course. It's so sexy, that watch.
Yeah, the matte finish
doesn't always catch the sun and blind you like this one.
It's so interesting, 'cause I love shiny things on my wrist.
Oh, for God sakes, just keep the stupid gifts.
I think Cam and I made a huge mistake.
Oh, I get it. Marriage is tough.
我理解 恋爱虽易 婚姻不易
Just take a deep breath
and go flirt with somebody at the grocery store.
We're trying to take this new family picture,
and she's doing this weird smile thing...
And you said something?
Uh, well, let's--let's just say Cam did.
First of all, all kids go through this.
You should see every picture
we have of Luke from third grade.
He looks like he's mid-sneeze, which is a shame,
'cause I was having a great boob year.
What did you do?
I think it might've been the birth control I was taking, but...
No, come on. About Luke!
Oh! Nothing. We didn't do anything.
Mitchell, I say this with love,
but when you became a parent,
I knew this was gonna be a problem for you
'cause you like to control everything.
Good lord. What would that sound like without love?
Bottom line-- it's all gonna work itself out.
But if you push her on it,
she's just gonna push you away.
Thanks for coming, everybody.
As you know, our acceptance rate is 8%,
so in the fall, I look forward to seeing one out of...
- 12.5. - 12.5.
Well, I guess this is it, M.I.T.
Uh, when you visit Boston, look me up...
Uh, t-that's my last name-- Jason Darling.
Oh, well, Alex Dunphy--
"P-h" not "F",
"Y" not "E-e".
Why am I still talking?
Listen, honey, I am so sorry about pushing so hard earlier.
If anyone is able to make a smart decision
about where to go to school, it's you.
Even if that school is all the way
on the other side of the country.
Actually, there's a lot to like here.
I guess there's somebody around here
she's not ready to say goodbye to.
Okay, come on, we have something to show you.
Is it dinner, or is my mouth too ugly to put food in?
And please don't say things like that about yourself.
and we're sorry we made you feel bad.
We just weren't used to your new smile,
But now we are, and we love it!
Yes, it's beautiful, and you're beautiful,
是啊 照片美极了 你也美极了
and we don't want to change a single thing about you.
Except maybe your underpants.
Okay, where did that laugh come from?
I don't know, but it's gotta go.