Ooh, that smells good.
Actually, this isn't for you.
I made you guys...
A dish so pedestrian its name is the recipe?
Yeah, what's the other thing? I want that.
是啊 另一样是什么 我想要那个
Oh, this? This is nothing.
Just something I'm throwing together for my veterans group.
This is breakfast lasagna.
That's Lindsay's favorite dish.
You don't have to lie about your feelings for her.
- Really? - Shit yeah.
We're really invested in this.
We want this to happen.
'cause whatever happens, it's gonna be hilarious.
This is like TV for us.
Either they'll be banging like zoo monkeys
Or-- even better-- she rejects him.
- All right, guys. - What if they got married?
Then he'd be married to Lindsay.
I think I've got it.
Oh, my God, their kids are gonna be so dumb.
They'll be like, "Let's order some heroin."
"H-how do you use a phone?"
So what do you do today?
Well, my agent called.
I have a meeting with Jonathan R. Strasburg.
Author of Brunching with Vagabonds.
The Milkweed of July?
In Keeping with Clem?
So what's the meeting for?
Well, why would any author want to meet with another author?
'cause they admire their work.
He liked your book?
Yeah, a lot of people liked my book.
You've seen the review.
The thing on the wall where you live.
You walk by it every day.
You really put in the bare minimum effort
being a girlfriend, don't you?
Work smart, not hard, Jimmy.
要聪明地工作 不是努力工作 吉米
Anyway, he's looking for someone
to help him on his new project.
- Shouldn't you be working on your own book? - Yeah, I am.
But not all of us have the luxury of just paying rent
whenever we feel like it or, say, not at all.
Why would I pay you rent? It's your house.
Your ability to bend semantics
to best fit your financial interests
is quite impressive.
I'm all about that paper.
I got to go. Check in later?
I didn't mean it like that... Never mind.
Oh, I must know what Gretchen's doing.
I haven't spoken to her in minutes.
I was out of your sight briefly.
I'll, uh, text you again at the end of the driveway.
It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't
and probably won't experience it,
but, oh, Lindsay, pregnancy is so magical.
但是 琳赛 怀孕太神奇了
I mean, my skin is glowing.
My nails are so strong,
and... I just have this deep inner well of peace and tranquility.
Vernon, you idiot.
Do you really want the baby to inhale those fumes?
Use your brain. God!
Anyway, I am so glad I could loan my husband out to you.
Must be so hard not having a man around.
I don't know. I just don't want to be one of those girls
who settles for some doofus frat boy
just because their butt's starting to sag
and their upper arms chunk out.
Anyway, I got a sign
that my PaulyWog still has feelings for me.
Yo, can I get this popcorn catalogue?
Which says a lot,
considering he's with someone as great as Amy.
What does the clerk's office want with you?
Ooh, honey, did you patent an invention?
That nerd's 'vorcin' you.
Nice, Paul grew some balls.
You got served, literally.
All right, I'm gonna kick it under that tree
and look at this popcorn catalogue real quick.
- Where's Sam? - Who knows?
One day he's promoting some new MMA fighter,
The next he's opening up a bespoke tailoring shop downtown.
Last week, he didn't even show up to the studio,
so instead of letting that time go to waste,
- we cut our own shit to drop online. - Yeah.
Well, you don't just drop it online.
We'll build some word-of-mouth buzz,
I'll leak it to Stereogum...
Uh, we-we uploaded it this morning.
We need you to go let Sam know for us.
He's gonna be so mad.
Last time he was mad, he cried for a week.
Then burned down my mom's tool shed.
Now she's keeping all her rakes in the kitchen like a chump.
By the way, you guys are now separate clients,
so you will be billed separately.
But hey, you're paying for the best in the business.
Opec price manipulation.
Hanging roller coasters.
What do they all have in common?
It's the father of meta-modernism.
Just got off the phone with Bill Maher.
He was talking for, like, a half hour, but I think I got the gist.
Go. Sell me. Tell me what you know about me.
来吧 向我推销 跟我说说你对我的了解
Well, you won the National Book Award in 2009.
You were accepted to Harvard but instead rode...
sh-shipping containers for three years,
- And... - Read.
Wow, I mean, it's-it's powerful.
Really vividly wrought.
Okay, uh, well, the, um,
image of the endless costco aisles
seems somewhat derivative of Delillo.
Get... the hell out!
Jesus, fine. Weirdo.
天呐 好吧 怪胎
Oh, calm down, calm down, calm down.
冷静 冷静 冷静
A guy tells you to leave,
and you mope away like Mike Torrez
After he gave away that home run to Bucky Dent in '78?
Come on. Let me take you to lunch.
- Okay. - Great.
You're driving. I'm on a shit-ton of pills right now.
I counted to ten, and then I just said,
"Cheryl, I will get those to you
right after Derek's birthday cake in the break room."
Uh, Okay, uh, Edgar, why don't you share with us?
What happened with the mystery girl you were thinking of pursuing?
I-I-I talked about it with some friends, and...
they don't think it's a good idea,
Okay. Uh, well, thank you for sharing.
Methinks I found a way out.
Good. Because we can't spend the rest of our lives
inside the belly of this whale.
Aye, and it looks like this tight, round hole is the exit.
Ah, I better go first.
but remember what happened last time.
You should be exiting through it,
not putting your penis in it.
- Okay. - So what we just did there Was completely improvised.
Which means we did not plan it beforehand at all.
We have a special treat for you guys today.
This is Nathan and Nathan.
People call me tall Nathan.
Well, Nathan and tall Nathan are from a local comedy school.
And they're going to be teaching us a lesson in improv.
Studies show that this can help with trauma-induced anxiety.
We know what you've all been through,
and we're sensitive to it.
Okay, let's start.
Who wants to play a gay banana?
My best shits are always here.
I have no idea why.
Wendy, can I get a couple more shrimp cocktails?
Do you think maybe we should discuss the job?
Relax. You're so inhibited.
Listen, writing isn't sitting behind a computer.
Writing is experiencing things,
Look, some of the best writers in the world
have never written a word.
Start by getting yourself a lap dance.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not that one-- she's kind of my strip club wife.
Do you want to get a lap dance with me?
Oh, hell yeah, I do.
No, no, no, no, the one with the c-section scar.
*I'm so smart, I got nothing on my mind*
*I've got zero to-dos, And that's just fine*
What the hell is this?
Legal termination of marriage contract?
And what-- I'm sorry--
What-what is irr...
It means that things are so broken
that they can't be fixed.
Like when you put all those pennies down the garbage disposal.
We had sex last week.
Yes, paul told me.
We have no secrets.
What are you saying about me?
I'm going to go check on Connor.
He's been pretty depressed.
I'm afraid he's going to pet that poor dog bald.
I saw you watching me kiss Edgar at the get-together.
I'm gonna get you back.
You're really not.
Have fun having hand sex with your girlfriend in the woods.
If you must know,
I'm able to finish with her regular!
Why'd you rebuild your panic fort?
If you were abandoned and left for dead by your best friends,
you might do the same.
You just gonna hang out in your fort all day?
Does it look like I'm just hanging out?
I already recorded a response diss track.
Turns out, honey nutz rhymes with honey butts!
Okay, before you do anything,
just don't upload it to the...
- Too late. - All right, that's it.
-太迟了 -好吧 就这样吧
I'm organizing a sit-down between the three of you.
You do not tell me what to do, Gretch!
I'm a full-grown, shave-every-day,
Hey, why don't we go get something to eat, huh?
嘿 不如我们去吃点东西 好吗
My treat. Any restaurant you want.
Any cheap diner you want.
Um, okay, you, blue shirt.
Why don't you come up and tag on in? Yeah, come on.
请你上来参与一下吧 对 快上来
Thank you. All right.
Well, since there aren't any lions,
I guess we'll just have to train all these elephants!
Then I think we're gonna need a bigger shovel.
Unfortunately, all I have is this fork.
I'm sorry. I don't think I'm very good at this.
Look, you're fine.
Remember, never bail out.
When you're scared, just trust your instincts.
Thanks for the fork.
Unfortunately, I've been using my hands.
Just give me five minutes.
How much do I do for you?
I buy your drugs. I got your mom into that condo.
I stopped you from investing
in Sufjan Stevens' broth restaurant.
- And I'm taking my chicken tendies to go. - Okay.
I heard your song.
That was real low,
Telling the world about my fake nut.
I should have said you have no nuts,
Recording tracks behind my back!
Treating me like you Salt-N-Pepa
and I'm Spinderella and shit!
Spinderella would never hack a brother's Netflix queue!
I had, like, 500 things I wanted to watch.
Now the only thing I can remember is Peaky Blinders.
What happened to you guys?
Working together used to be, like, your favorite thing to do.
All you did was skate and record
And throw ice at the guy handing out Jimmy kimmel tickets.
You guys were like brothers,
Living together in that one-bedroom in Venice.
You all take turns between the bed, the couch,
And the baby pool filled with pillows.
Remember when I got blown In that pool
by the UCLA German professor?
"Your penis was at achtung!"
You guys make an awesome team.
- Yeah, that was mean of us. - Me, too, man.
-没事 我们也太刻薄了 -是啊 我也错了
- All there? - Yeah.
- Wait. - Bitch,
You just made an eloquent speech that I greatly appreciated.
Flip the table and storm out.
This table's a classic.
I will do no such thing.
Pitchfork just posted a whole thing on your beef.
Guys, this has gone too far!
Threatening each other's lives?
Telling each other to suck each other's dicks?!
Well, if these bitches do not suck my dick
Sometime in the immediate future,
I will kill they asses!
My-my schedule is too full from writing dope raps
to suck your dick!
Yeah! And jaclyn and I
recently decided to become exclusive,
So I don't think she would appreciate me sucking your dick!
Just knock some shit over.
Rap beef! Rap beef!
We out of here... We out of here, 'stain.
我们走 我们走 斯坦
Oh, my god, I was so scared.
What are we doing here?
Gazing into the darkness, seeing if it gazes back.
This is Jimmy. He's my new friend.
Jimmy, talk to her for a bit.
Uh, mrs. Strasburg, your son is a really big influence on me.
You must be very proud.
Oh, this room is quite nice, I must say.
It's okay. It's okay.
Oh, it's like a glove full of pencils.
"I do not know which to prefer,
"The beauty of inflections or the beauty of innuendos,
The blackbird whistling or just after."
Who are you, and why are you holding my mother's hand?
I stole some checkers from the rec room.
Just making a little chaos.
What the hell was that?
- That wasn't your mum, was it? - No, no.
-那根本不是你妈 对吧 -不 不是
She's, uh... She's back in Boca.
How long were you talking to that old lady, you weirdo?
I loved how Colm, the father,
never took the top all the way off his cans of beans,
Details that say so much while saying so little.
No one else ever picked up on that.
Not even Steeb Corniglia.
That's because nobody else really understood it.
Relentlessly aggressive prosaic style.
I can help you bludgeon your fear,
Teach you to write a book
that will make those smug bastards
And castrating bitches come crawling back,
Begging for forgiveness.
I would kill to see that.
But... I don't know.
I need some help researching this book.
Here's a little advance in good faith.
- I think...- Good.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Make a little chaos.
- Russell Fleischer. - It's Jimmy.
Strasburg loved my book.
Great. So you're taking the job?
I, Jimmy Shive-Overly,
Will not be some has-been's lackey.
That'd be like Thomas Keller making the donkey sauce
For Guy Fieri's taco burgers.
No, I'm gonna write a new novel,
For I am a writer.
So you don't need the extra work?
Well, of course I do. Look, I'm drowning over here.
Just-just find me something else.
Do your job, man.
So what were the checkers for?
He told me to "Make a little chaos."
What a douche. I mean, he wanted me to think
He was this eccentric genius who could mentor me.
But, you know what,
I read some of his book.
It was rubbish, and he knows it.
I mean, I think he just wants to vampire me
Because he thinks I'm a... I'm a fresh new voice.
And you know what? I am.
He did give me a wad of money though.
Oh, I just wrote you a check for six months' rent.
But I guess you don't really need it n-now.
So, how was your day?
Oh, my god, I have so much to tell you.
See? Aren't you glad
We decided not to "Check in" With each other?
So, I'd basically given up on this jolly rancher,
But then out of the corner of my eye...
Hi, Is this Bear Stearns?
I'm looking for mr. Bear.
I have some extra money to invest.
Do you have any suggestions?
The sound investment is... Honey!
You can't invest in honey.
I know I did, when I married you.
Lindsay, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Um, I'm sort of busy right now.
Well, it's just that...
Uh, Lindsay, how do I say this?
Do you mind maybe just texting me later?
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