我爱上的人是奇葩 第二季 You're the Worst Season 2 第5集: 大材小用的Jimmy We Can Do Better Than This

上映日期: 2,015

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 爱情

导演: 斯蒂芬·福尔克

演员: 克里斯·吉尔 / 阿雅·卡什 / 戴斯敏·博格斯 / 凯瑟·多诺休 / 布兰登·史密斯


台词
See, even the greatest writers have been forced to take the odd job.
即便是最伟大的作家也不得不打些零工
‭Faulkner was a mailman.‬
福克纳当过邮递员
Kafka, a clerk!
卡夫卡当过办事员
Now, as you have said,
如你们所说
the novelization market is blowing up in a "Ginormous" Way.
小说市场正在以"火箭般的速度"膨胀
So I have prepared a list of films
所以我已经准备了一份
that I would agree to novelize for your company.
我愿意为你们公司改编成小说的电影清单
The Seven Samurai,
《七武士》
The 400 blows,
《四百击》
Thirty two short films about Glenn Gould...
《关于古尔德的32部短片》
Uh, Jimmy, we're gonna stop you right there.
吉米 我们得打断你一下了
They don't all have numbers in the title.
不是所有电影名字都含有数字啦
We aren't the department that handles film novelization.
我们不是负责电影改编小说的部门
We're in charge of literary cross-promotion
我们负责的是为母公司旗下的所有企业
for all entities owned by our parent company--
进行文学交叉推广
Burger Hole.
伯格·霍尔
What does that mean?
什么意思
We prioritize more amorphous in-house ideas
我们将优先发展一些无定型的内部创意
sparked by properties in the Burger Hole multiverse
都是由伯格·霍尔多元集团旗下的一些
that have the most mental real estate.
最具精神地产潜质的业务激发的灵感
Uh, for instance, uh, this just came in yesterday.
比如 这是昨天刚送过来的
Uh, corporate was thinking of something involving
公司在考虑一些有关...
French fries?
法式炸薯条的
Could be a "Fish out of water" thing.
例如"离水之鱼"什么的
Or how about this new theme park ride-- the dragonator?
或者全新的主题公园飞车 飞车龙
It's a dragon with a goddamn roller coaster for a tail.
就是一只尾巴是过山车的龙
Maybe he's a single dad.
他可能是个单身父亲
I don't know.
我也说不清
You're the writer.
你才是大作家嘛
Do you have anything with an actual narrative?
你们有什么实际的故事要创作吗
Uh, we do have some tv projects
我们倒是有一些电视剧项目
that are open for literary pollination.
可以进行文学方面的改造
There's, uh, Bones,
有《识骨寻踪》
Property Brothers,
《地产兄弟》
The Slap.
《一记耳光》
There's caught on camera with Nick Cannon,
以及《尼克·坎农镜头大曝光》
NCIS La, dog with a blog...
《海军罪案调查处:洛杉矶篇》 《狗狗博客》
Sorry, NCIS: La?!
抱歉 你说《海军罪案调查处:洛杉矶篇》 吗
You're a fan?
你是那剧粉丝吗
Heard of it.
听说过
Oh, who am I kidding? It's my favorite!
我开玩笑呢 那剧是我的最爱啊
Oh, great!
太好了
We'll send start papers and parameters,
我们会发给你一些基本的要素
But you will be imagineering your own original story.
但你得自己去写出原创故事
What?!
什么
Here's a copy of the show bible.
那些是剧集重要信息文档
Oh, do not need it!
我不需要啊
But I'll take it.
但我还是拿着吧
翻译 TVyoung Ethan-泽生 小饭
翻译 新浪微博@少年美剧派
我爱上的人是奇葩第二季 第五集
时间轴 阿包
Sam, I'm sure they meant
山姆 我相信他们
校对 Ethan-泽生 后期 加森
"Soft-ass poseur bitch" in a meta way.
说"娘娘腔装逼婊"是别的意思
新浪微博@少年美剧派
You guys are in a fake fight!
你们是在假装闹不和
Keyword-- "Fake."
关键词 "假装的"
No, don't hang...
不 别挂...
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: ustvboom了解最新影视字幕发布信息
Goddamn it!
该死
Ooh, I love dumb procedurals.
我爱傻兮兮的程序类剧集
Wash over me, garbage.
放马过来吧 垃圾玩意儿
Numb my brain.
麻痹我的大脑
Make me feel nothing.
让我毫无感觉
Okay, that is elitism, Gretchen.
行了 你那是精英主义 格雷琴
Would you have dismissed Dickens for being popular?
你会因为狄更斯太受欢迎就不喜欢他了吗
David Copperfield... didn't even do any magic.
大卫·科波菲尔 根本没表演过魔术
Ooh, ya burnt, Dickens!
去死吧 狄更斯
Why are there so many naval crimes, anyway?
怎么会有那么多海军犯罪啊
Oh, navy's villains.
海军恶棍
They're one degree from pirates.
他们跟海盗简直差不多
Play with me.
跟我玩吧
Right!
好了
Shut up, both of you! All right?
你们俩都闭嘴 好吗
This is my job now.
这现在是我的工作
It's your-your job?
这是你的...工作
Jimmy... You're not writing recaps, are you?
吉米 你不会是在写剧集概要吧
Oh, Jimmy.
吉米
Are you grading this episode?
你是要给这一集评分吗
No!
I am writing the official novelization of the show.
我在写这个剧的官方小说
Seriously?
真的吗
I am super impressed.
我觉得你超级了不起
Right. Everybody out, so I can work.
好了 所有人都出去 这样我才能工作
Out!
出去
Fine.
好吧
- You, too. - ‭Oh, no problem.‬
-你也出去 -没问题
I've got to get to my improv comedy class.
我得去上我的即兴喜剧课了
And, yeah, I've been waiting to tell you guys.
而且没错 我一直在等着告诉你们
It's this really cool and exciting new thing
这真的是我人生中非常酷
I'm doing with my life.
非常激动人心的全新体验
I'll tell you more about it later.
我以后再跟你们详细说说
Bye, Jimmy.
再见 吉米
- Hello? - This is customer number 7532.
-你好 -我是7532号顾客
I don't know how much time I have.
我不知道我有多少时间
Send over one of the tall ones.
给我送个高个儿的来
Asian.
亚洲的
Oh, my god!
天呐
What is this?!
这是干什么
Why is this?!
为什么这样
I thought you'd gone.
我以为你已经走了
I forgot my fro-yo punch card.
我忘了我的冻酸奶积分卡
What is this, even?
你到底在搞毛啊
None of your business!
跟你没关系啦
Erotic Tales?
《色情故事集》
"By Jimmy Shive-overly, age 11"?!
吉米·希瓦-奥弗利著 11岁
Still holds up.
依然不过时[坚挺]
This is the most Jimmy thing you have ever done.
真是我见你做过的最具吉米风格的事
Excuse me, sir?
抱歉 先生
You may be a dog,
你也许是条狗
but that doesn't make you handicapped.
但那并不意味着你是个残障
And scene!
退场
Great callback, Edgar.
很棒的联动段子 埃德加
Awesome class, you guys.
大家都学得很棒
Good work.
很不错
Good work.
非常棒
Oh, and hey, you guys.
对了各位
My group Hey, put that down Brian!
我的团队 "嘿 记下 布莱恩"
has a show tomorrow night, so, you guys, please come.
明晚有个演出 所以恳请各位来看
Just kidding, don't come, don't come.
开玩笑的 别来 别来
I don't want you to come.
我不想让你们来
Seriously, though, if you don't come,
但是说真的 如果你们不来
I'll kill myself, so please come.
我会自杀的 所以还是来吧
Bye, guys! Thank you.
再见 各位 谢谢
Uh, so, so, uh, Dorothy,
所以 多洛希
You're in Brian?!
你在布莱恩团里吗
I didn't know they had a girl.
我都不知道他们团里有女生
Yeah, yeah, that's me.
是啊是啊 就是我
The lone vulva.
唯一的女人
That's the team with tall Nathan, right?
高个儿内森也在你们组 对吧
Yeah, and Kyle and Josh.
没错 还有凯尔和乔希
You know them?
你认识他们吗
Nah, I only met tall Nathan once.
不认识 我只见过高个儿内森一次
But I'm a huge fan.
但我是他的超级粉丝
In one scene he played a dude
有一次他演了一个
that doesn't understand sarcasm.
不理解讽刺的家伙
- So funny. - Yeah.
-超级搞笑 -是啊
You want to help me pick up the chairs?
你能帮我收拾椅子吗
Absolutely.
当然了
Cool.
好极了
That's really great space work.
无实物表演非常棒
Um, I meant the actual chairs.
但我指的是真的椅子
Ah, of course you did.
当然了
Stupid.
我真蠢
How's work?
工作怎么样
Are you still in charge of that fake rap feud?
你还在管那个假说唱矛盾的事吗
Ugh, it's gone completely off the rails.
已经彻底失控了
Honey Nutz and Shitstain
蜜蛋和屎斯坦
wrote a dis track about how Sam has pepperoni nipples,
写了一首有关山姆有腊肠奶头的歌
so he told his fans to murder them in world of Warcraft.
所以他让他的粉丝在魔兽世界里杀了他俩
- What have you been up to? - Not a lot.
-你最近忙什么 -没什么
Little of this, little of that.
忙点这个 忙点那个
Shot a condom full of piping hot semen into my vaj.
往我的阴道里射了一安全套滚烫的精子
How's the cake batter?
蛋糕糊怎么样
First of all, are you okay?!
首先 你还好吗
I'm fine.
我没事
I mean, I won't be riding a horse anytime soon.
短期内我不能再骑马了
But I'm already banned from the equestrian center.
但反正我也已经被禁止进入马术中心了
And secondly, what?! Why?!
其次 什么 为什么啊
I was just so upset about Paul.
我就是因为保罗太难过了
And the idea of him shoving his ding dong
一想到他把他的丁丁
into that beer cooze's hand-pussy.
插入啤酒套妹的手中操射就难过
And Edgar's been so weird and clingy lately.
埃德加最近又很古怪 很粘人
It's like I can't think straight
那些男人塞满我的大脑
with these guys clogging up my brain!
我都没办法理智思考了
Seriously.
说真的
I spend all day dealing with my dumb rapper babies.
我一整天都在和那几个说唱熊孩子打交道
And when I get home, there's Jimmy and Edgar.
回到家时 又要面对吉米和埃德加
And then the one chance I get to sneak away
当我终于有机会溜出来
for a quick hang with the Louise to my Thelma...
让露易丝与我家希尔玛小聚时...
Who are they?
她们是谁
- and all we talk about is men! - I know!
-我们谈论的却是男人 -我也觉得
We are complex women with rich inner lives.
我们是情感丰富的复杂女性
For god's sakes, let's act like it
拜托 我们得表现出来
and discuss something other than dicks
不能再讨论那些男人的鸡巴
and the dildos they hang off of.
和假鸡巴的话题了
I'm in.
我同意
So...
那个...
So...
那个...
I know.
我想到了
There was just this really grody murder in Alabama
阿拉巴马发生一起很可怕的凶杀案
where this woman thought her kids were demons,
一个女人认为自己的孩子是恶魔
so she drowned all eight of them
于是把他们8个全都淹死了
and dressed them up like Victorian dolls.
又把他们打扮成维多利亚娃娃
Postpartum murders are so big psycho.
产后谋杀真是重大精神疾病
Maybe we can talk about powerful women?
或许我们可以聊聊女强人
like George Clooney's wife, Amal Clooney?
比如乔治·克鲁尼的妻子 阿玛尔·克鲁尼
She's both super accomplished and absolutely stunning.
她不仅才华横溢 而且美丽动人
She a'ight.
她还不错
I guess we can shit-talk women we know.
我们可以八卦一下认识的女人
- That's within the rules, right? - Ooh, we can?!
-也是符合规则的吧 -好啊 可以啊
Like Becca?
比如贝卡
Ugh, that sausage wallet.
那个香肠荷包
Sausage wallet?
"香肠"荷包
‭I hope she gets pregnancy 'rhoids and they leave her bedridden,
我希望她得孕妇痔疮 只能卧床不起
and I have to raise her baby myself.
我不得不养大她的孩子
I'd parent the shit out of her.
我会好好管教她女儿的
"Wear that skirt. Don't blow that boy.
"穿这条裙子 别给那个男孩跪舔
This is pizza!"
这个叫做披萨"
Time-out! Who are we?
打住 我们这是怎么了
We can't talk about men,
我们不谈论男人
so we're talking about babies, living and dead?
就只能谈论孩子吗 死的活的孩子
Weak sauce. We can do better than this!
太弱了 我们可以做到更好
Oh, you're right.
你说得没错
Men have ruined our damn minds!
男人们毁了我们的思想
Tomorrow we'll meet up for breakfast
明天我们一起吃早餐
with prepared lists of interesting, non-dude topics.
准备好一系列有趣的无男人话题
Yes!
很好
This is feminism, right?
这是女权主义 对吗
Yes, it is.
是啊 没错
You guys can't come in here anymore.
你们两个以后不许来了
Morning.
早啊
- How's it going? ‭- Not great.
-进展如何 -不太好
There are so many moving parts to the NCIS universe.
《海军罪案调查处》系列有太多故事分支
It's quite daunting, really.
任务相当艰巨 真的
I'm sorry.
不好意思
I was thinking about something funny
我想起一些在即兴表演课上
that happened in improv class.
发生的趣事
We were all driving cars, and I said,
我们都在开车 然后我说
"Excuse me, sir, you may be a dog,
"抱歉 先生 你也许是条狗
but you're not handicapped, are you?"
但你不是个残障 不是吗"
It was a callback.
那是个联动段子
If you're interested in watching some,
如果你有兴趣去看看
I stuck the calendar on the fridge.
冰箱上贴着我的日程表
In fact, I'm going to my teacher Dorothy's show tonight.
实际上 我今晚要去看多洛希老师的表演
She's in Hey, put that down Brian! You should come.
她是"嘿 记下 布莱恩"喜剧团的 你应该来看下
Oh, that sounds really, really fun,
听起来真的相当好玩
but you know what I think I'd rather do?
但你知道我宁愿做什么吗
‭Stab myself in the bowels.
我宁愿切腹
Okay.
好吧
You know what I'd rather experience than long-form improv?
你知道相比沉长的即兴表演 我更希望体验什么吗
Long-form bone cancer.
晚期骨癌
- Point taken. - No, I don't think it is.
-我明白了 -不 我觉得没有
See, you just described an improvised comedy scene to me.
知道吗 你给我描述了一段即兴喜剧场景
That's worse than telling someone
那还不如跟别人
about a dream that doesn't feature them sexually.
说一段丧失性别色彩的梦
I mean, you've had some awful, awful hobbies,
你有一些很糟的业余爱好
but this is by far the worst.
但这个是目前为止最糟的
And I'm including heroin
而且我都算上吸毒了
and not knowing things are a school.
以及不知道学校什么的
I didn't know it was a school.
我当时真不知道那是学校
All right, Lindsers, I have here a list of things To talk about,
琳子 我列了一些可以谈论的话题
none of which involve stupid men.
没有一个是和臭男人有关的
First off, "Our mothers
第一个 "我们的母亲
and how their pathology messed us up."
以及她们的疾病是如何把我们坑惨的"
Maybe it's all their fault.
或许都是她们的错
Yeah. Sure.
是的 当然
But what about "Isis."
不过 "艾希斯"如何
Isis? Oh, I don't think they have those here.
艾希斯 我觉得这家店没有那东西吧
I'm talking about the Islamic state, Gretch.
我是在说伊斯兰国 格雷琴
They formed their own "Cellophane."
他们自己研制了"玻璃纸"
Do you think Obama has a strategy to neutralize them,
你觉得奥巴马会消灭他们吗
or will O-bummer betray America
还是奥帮主会背叛美国
like he did with Benghazi?
就像他背叛班加西一样
What the hell's going on?
你这是怎么了
You told me not to think about dicks,
你叫我不去想鸡巴的
so my brain got real bored
我的大脑感到非常无聊
and I started reading these web sites,
于是我开始阅读那些网站
and then some other web sites
然后是另外一些
that disagreed with the first web sites.
和第一批看到的意见不同的网站
Did you know about global warming?
你知道全球变暖现象吗
It's a huge threat, but at the same time
那是严重的威胁 但与此同时
is made up by a bunch of socialist lib-tards.
是一群社会主义自由党派编造出来的
My question is, who benefits?
我的问题是 受益者是谁
You have to follow the money, Gretch.
你必须重点关注资金流向 格雷琴
Big oil, the middle east.
石油巨头 中东
Benghazi!
班加西
I don't want to talk about Benghazi.
我不想讨论班加西
Nobody does!
没人想
And the Koch brothers?
至于科赫兄弟呢
For some great patriots,
那些伟大的爱国人士
it's dedicated to upholding the constitution...
致力于对宪法的维护...
《海军罪案调查处:洛杉矶篇》
主要人物
情节
恐怖分子袭击好莱坞
恐怖分子袭击好莱坞
法医
Chapter 13.
第13章
Our heroes race to stop Chechen terrorists
主人公争分夺秒阻止车臣恐怖分子
好莱坞
from blowing the H...
炸掉"好莱坞标志牌"的
Off the Hollywood sign.
首字母"H"
But oh, no.
但情况不妙
There's an ambush.
敌人有埋伏
They've been double-crossed.
他们被内鬼出卖了
I'm not sure it tracks.
我觉得好像条理不通吧
I know it doesn't, goddamn it!
我知道不通 该死的
Can I go back to school?
我可以回学校了吗
My mom says I'm the man of the house now
我妈说我现在是一家之主了
and that I have to get an education.
我必须去接受教育
Sorry, when I gave you that sleeve of pop-tarts,
不好意思 我之前给你那块水果馅饼
was that for your help or your biography?
真是为了帮你 还是你要写传记
Jimmy! How's it coming?
吉米 进展如何了
I'm sorry, female executive, I can't do it.
抱歉 女主管 我做不到
I'm a fraud of a writer.
我是个烂作家
Can't I just write the roller coaster book?
能不能让我写过山车那本书
We already gave that to Neil Gaiman.
那个我们已经给尼尔·盖曼了
Jimmy, just take a break.
吉米 稍微放松一下
Walk away from the proj...
不要困扰于那些...
演出日程
《嘿 记下 布莱恩》
Honey, I'm home! What's for dinner?
亲爱的 我回来了 晚餐吃什么
Aw, mom, carrots again?
喂 老妈 又是胡萝卜
So glad you decided to come watch.
真高兴你决定来看了
Actually, I just came to remind myself
实际上 我只是过来提醒自己
that I am a good writer.
我是个好作家
When they ask for a suggestion,
当他们寻求意见时
I'm gonna yell out one of my classic heckles.
我会喊出我的经典黑话
"I have a suggestion.
"我有个建议
Instead of improvising your show,
与其追求即兴喜剧表演
try the written word,
不如试试写出来
invented by the Mesopotamians in 3200 BC."
那是美索不达米亚人在公元前3200年发明的
Shh!
闭嘴
You shush! How dare you? Watch the show!
你才闭嘴 好大胆子 看你的表演吧
Hey, lady! Give me those carrots.
喂 女士 把胡萝卜都给我
Don't kill me. Take the carrots.
别杀我 拿走胡萝卜吧
- Take all the carrots. - Yeah!
-都拿走吧 -太好了
That's a lot of carrots.
有不少胡萝卜啊
Uh, sir, we've been getting complaints
先生 我们不断收到
from customers at the health food store.
来自健康食品店的顾客投诉
I told you I wasn't good with organic food when you hired me!
当初你雇我时 我就说过我受不了有机食品
And we flash back to the day he was hired.
我们闪回到雇用他的那一天
Now, how are you with organic food?
你感觉有机食品怎么样
Not good.
不喜欢
I'm gonna go with my gut on this.
那我要跟随我的直觉了
Your gut should be trusted-- it's a good gentleman, sir.
你的直觉值得信任 他是个好人 先生
All right, we have a clean-up in organic foods.
好吧 我们做有机食品赚了很多钱
The councilman,
议员先生
Vaccines are really important,
疫苗是很重要的
But they're also really, really bad.
但也是非常非常有害的
They're transferring me to the state capitol.
他们要把我转接到州府那边去
Local government is such a joke.
地方政府就是个大笑话
Thanks, o-blunder.
谢了啊 老奥
Oh, no...
不好
- What? - Oh, nothing. You don't want to see this.
-怎么了 -没什么 你不会想看到的
Is this about the keystone xbox pipeline?
这是关于Xbox管道的事吗
'cause that'll just make me madder.
那只会让我更生气
I found this last night.
我昨晚发现这个的
It's Paul and Amy at the coliseum.
是保罗和艾米在大剧院的照片
Amy's onstage at some concert.
艾米参加了某个音乐会 在台上表演
Amy is interpreting... For Beyonce?!
艾米在给...碧昂斯当翻译
She is finger-singing Beyonce!
她在用手语演绎碧昂斯的歌
Senator Pelosi's office.
这里是普洛斯议员的办公室
Stop calling me!
别给我打电话了
Ma'am, you called us.
女士 是你打给我们的
Men are mean and they hurt my brain.
男人都刻薄无情 弄乱了我的大脑
I need wine.
我需要喝酒
Aw, come here, dum-dum.
快过来 小笨笨
Let's watch some garbage tv and get our minds off of it.
我们看些垃圾节目 别去想这些糟心事了
Which one of the real housewives are the stupidest?
哪个娇妻节目最傻逼啊
All of them.
都很傻逼
'cause they're wives.
因为他们是妻子
But really, it's new jersey.
不过说真的 《新泽西娇妻》最傻逼
How'd you come up with the carrots thing?
你是怎么想到胡萝卜那个梗的
Well, we were talking about supermarkets,
我们当时恰好谈到了超市
so obviously carrots came to mind.
于是自然想到了胡萝卜
The connections you made out there were just... Mind-blowing.
你们构建的那种联系 真是令人震撼
Oh, thanks.
谢了
I also do sketchthon,
我也做"小品马拉松"
Where we write and perform 12 sketches in 12 hours.
我们会在12个小时内写出12个小品
Why do you do that?
你为什么那么做
Well, I...
我...
I don't know.
我也不知道
Hey, say...
话说...
What do you think of Dorothy?
你觉得多洛希怎么样
You have nothing to offer her.
你没有任何能吸引她的长处
- Jimmy... - I'm being realistic, mate.
-吉米 -我这人说话比较现实 兄弟
You just started.
你才刚开始呢
These guys are at the absolute top of their game.
而这些家伙早已经是笑林高手了
Tall Nathan's just done improv on a cruise ship.
高个儿内森最近刚在巡游船上做了即兴演出
Kyle's been to Greg Proops' condo!
凯尔去过格雷格·普鲁普的豪宅
Oh, you're right.
你说得对
I haven't done anything with my life.
我这辈子一事无成
I went straight from high school to the army,
我高中毕业后直接进了军队
Then straight to Iraq,
然后又直接去了伊拉克
and I didn't even get to see the cool parts of Iraq.
我甚至都没见到伊拉克比较酷的地方
I was in Fallujah, which is basically their San Diego.
我去的是费卢杰 相当于他们的圣地亚哥吧
I'm referring to myself, too.
我其实也在说我自己
I'm a one-not-really- a-hit wonder.
我就是个"一书不怎么成名"的落魄作家
I mean, how can I write when there are people
我怎么能写出作品啊 明明这世上
This brimming with talent out there?
还有那么多如此才华横溢的人
You and I, we are just visitors in this world.
你和我 不过是这世上的过客
We'll pass through like shadows,
我们会像影子一样 路过不留痕迹
And when we die... No one will care.
当我们死去了 没人会在意
Oh, look! It's the chubby kid from the lenscrafters commercials.
瞧啊 是"亮视点"广告中那个胖乎乎的小孩哎
That's why I stopped drinking sodas,
所以我才会停止喝苏打饮料了
For the most part.
主要是这原因
Hey, Edgar.
你好啊 埃德加
Tall Nathan, this is Edgar-- he's in my class.
高个儿内森 这是埃德加 是我班上的
Wait, what do I know you from?
等等 我在哪儿见过你来着
Uh, no-nowhere cool.
不是什么好地方
Y-you just came and volunteered with my veterans' group.
你去我的老兵心理疏导团体里做过志愿演出
Oh, yeah! That was a lot of fun.
对哦 那次真的很好玩
You guys really like gay jokes.
你们好喜欢基佬笑话啊
I didn't know you were a veteran.
我之前都不知道你是老兵呢
I did a couple tours in Iraq.
我在伊拉克上过几次战场
dumb.
傻兮兮的
Were you... in the shit?
你亲身经历过 那种噩梦吗
Yeah.
是啊
I guess you could say I was in the shit.
你可以说我经历过 那种噩梦
Speaking of... being in shit, uh,
说到 噩梦[屎]
Did I tell you about
我有没有跟你们说过
the time the toilets broke on that improv cruise?
那次在巡游船上演出时 马桶破了的事
Get us a couple beers.
去给我们拿几瓶啤酒来
That's incredible.
那真是太了不起了
So... What was it like?
所以 那是种什么感觉
I mean, unless you'd rather not talk about it.
如果你不想说就算了
Oh, no, no.
不 不
What do you want to know?
你想知道些什么
Everything.
一切
- Are you sure you didn't write those jokes beforehand? - Nope.
-你确定你没有提前写好那些笑话吗 -没有
You don't have an algorithm
你没有个什么算法
That changes your scenes based on the audience suggestion?
根据观众的意见 来更改你的演出场景吗
It's all just... completely original?
而是完全 原创的吗
Yeah, I guess you could say that, yeah.
是啊 大概可以这么说吧
Why? What do you do?
怎么 你是干什么的
I'm a novelist.
我是个小说家
‭In fact, I came here tonight with a written list of heckles.
实际上 我今晚也随身携带了一份黑话
Really? All right, what were some of them?
是吗 读些来听听
Ah, this one's good.
这条很棒
"Instead of improv comedy, why don't you kill yourselves
"不如别做即兴喜剧演出了 去死了算了
And improve comedy?"
那样就能提高喜剧水平了"
You don't like it.
你们并不喜欢
You want to... End the heckle with the meanest part of the joke.
你最好 用最刻薄的部分来做黑话的结尾
"Improve comedy--
想提高喜剧水准
Kill yourselves."
你只能去死了"
That's really good.
真的很棒
Unicorn.
独角兽
Hey, Jimmy.
嘿 吉米
I was dreaming about a unicorn.
我刚刚梦到个独角兽呢
- How you doing? ‭- Terribly.
-你怎么样 -很糟糕
I met some artists who fully exposed
我遇见一些艺术家 他们彻底暴露了
the depths of my own hackery.
我写黑话的水平有多浅薄
Sorry, Gretchen, I have to go throw myself off the hollywood sign.
抱歉 格雷琴 我不配在好莱坞混了
Nice knowing you.
很高兴认识你
What are you hiding under there?
你在下面藏了什么啊
You're reading my erotic tales?
你在看我写的色情小说
And after you teased me about them relentlessly?
你之前还无情地嘲笑我来着
No! Yes.
没有 是啦
What do you think?
你觉得怎么样
Jimmy...
吉米
They're hella hot!
简直是刺激爆了
They are, aren't they?!
没错 对吧
And to think that I've been interviewing with authors
想想我还去拜访了什么作家
and novelizing tv shows--
把电视剧改写成小说
Albeit great ones-- while the world awaits my second book.
尽管那剧很赞 而全世界都在等我的第二本小说
- Who am I to deny them? - Who are you?
-我是谁 怎有资格否定他们 -你到底是谁
And I finally know what it should be.
我终于知道应该是怎样才对了
I'm gonna give the world
我要向世界展示
what I've been preparing for since I was 11:
我从11岁开始就已经具备的才能
The first truly literary erotic novel since portnoy's complaint.
写出自《波特诺伊的怨诉》之后第一部真正的情色文学
I'd jerk off to it.
我会边看边自插的
In fact... Why don't you...
实际上 不如你...
Read me a little bit of the chapter in the barn. ‭
给我读一小段 谷仓中的那个章节吧
That's one of my favorites as well.
那也是我最爱的一段
"Wallenda bathed herself in milk.
"沃兰达将自己浸在牛奶浴里
"'aye,' the baker boy thought,
真好 那个小面包师心想
''tis a fine meal I'd make of this one.'"
我真想把这当成一顿美餐"
Oh, yeah, that's good.
哇 真棒
"He averted his eyes, his manhood
他移开了目光 他的大鸡巴
"stiff and trembling beneath his breeches.
在马裤里硬如铁棒 微微颤动
"Wallenda cried out, 'no!
沃兰达惊呼道 不
"'don't you dare look away, you naughty baker boy.
你敢移开目光 你个调皮的小面包师
"'take in the wholeness of my nudity!'
尽情欣赏我的裸露肉体吧
‭And he did."
然后他照做了
In Arizona, cactus are sacred.
在亚利桑那州 仙人掌是很神圣的
If you steal one, you're going to prison.
如果你敢偷 那就得进监狱
But if you mess with someone's heart,
但是如果你伤了别人的心
There's nothing anyone can do about it, except me.
除了我 其他人一点解决办法都没有
My name is Sandra Hope,
我叫桑德拉·霍普
And I run mate check private investigations with my boyfriend, Tom.
我和我男朋友汤姆一起开了家私人侦探社
你在哪儿 我喝醉了 约吗
So, then, tomorrow night,
明天晚上
I'm sitting in with this group from chicago,
我会跟来自芝加哥的一个小组一起表演
Michael Jordan's gambling debt.
叫迈克尔·乔丹的赌债
I'll check it out.
我会去看的
Uh, so, uh, teach...
那个 老师
Buy you a drink?
我能请你喝杯酒吗
Sure. I'll have what you're having.
好啊 你喝什么我就喝什么吧
你在哪儿 我喝醉了 约吗
新买的手机 你是谁
新买的手机 你是谁