我爱上的人是奇葩 第二季 You're the Worst Season 2 第6集: 小三儿 Side Bitch

上映日期: 2,015

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 爱情

导演: 斯蒂芬·福尔克

演员: 克里斯·吉尔 / 阿雅·卡什 / 戴斯敏·博格斯 / 凯瑟·多诺休 / 布兰登·史密斯


台词
Excuse me!
打断一下
Excuse me!
打断一下
Oh, sorry, Jimmy. Got a protein-load.
抱歉 吉米 得补充蛋白质
Today in improv class,
今天的即兴表演课
we're finally doing Harolds.
我们终于要采用哈罗德结构法了
Anyway, I really like my instructor.
总之 我很喜欢我的指导老师
And after what happened with Lindsay,
跟琳赛发生了那些事后
I think I'm finally ready to let love into my life again.
我觉得我终于准备好重新拥抱爱情了
You've never had love in your life.
你这辈子根本没有过爱情
That's why I need to come up with an excuse
所以我才必须找个借口
to see Dorothy after class.
在课后去找多洛希
So, I was thinking, after stretch and share,
所以我在考虑 做完拉伸和分享之后
I neg her and tell her she looks winded
我就指出她的不足 说她上气不接下气
and that she should sign up for my gym, and that...
说服她跟我一起去健身房 然后...
Edgar, as always, you're overthinking it.
埃德加 你想太多了
For once in your life, just keep it simple.
拜托你这一次就简单一点吧
- You mean just ask her out? - ?No.?
-你是说直接约她出去吗 -不是
Get her hammered and finger-bang her in your car.
把她打晕 在你的车里用手指插她
Maybe I should be more direct.
也许我应该更直接一点
I mean, with Lindsay, I got friend-zoned for life.
跟琳赛 我算是一辈子只能当朋友了
One time, she texted me,
有一次她给我发短信说
"Yo, girl, want to get brunch?"
"哟 闺蜜 要不要去吃早午餐"
Have you noticed something's up with Gretchen?
你有注意到格雷琴哪里不对吗
You mean how she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night?
你是指她老是半夜偷溜出去吗
You knew?
你知道啊
Morning.
早上好
How-how'd you sleep?
睡得好吗
- Fine. - ?Okay, good.?
-挺好 -那就好
Why?
为什么问这个
Nothing. You just look a little tired.
没什么 就是你看起来有点累
Cool. Thanks.
好吧 谢谢
Your dick's a weird color.
你的鸡鸡颜色很奇怪
Catch up again tomorrow?
明天再聊呗
I got to go shower.
我得去冲个澡
Sam released Shitstain's chinchilla into Griffith park.
山姆把施斯坦的栗鼠放到格里菲斯公园里去了
This feud's out of control.
他们这次闹得不可开交了
Why don't you just ask Gretchen where she's been going at night?
你为什么不直接问格雷琴她大半夜去哪儿了
Poor, ignorant Edgar.
可怜又无知的埃德加啊
You don't just drop your accusation on a perp
你不能随便指控一个人
without gathering proper forensic evidence first,
除非你先收集到强有力的证据
or they're likely to blow.
否则案子很可能会黄掉的
NCIS LA.
《海军罪案调查处:洛杉矶篇》
翻译 TVyoung Ethan-泽生 小饭
翻译 新浪微博@少年美剧派
时间轴 阿包 加森
我爱上的人是奇葩第二季 第六集
校对 Ethan-泽生 后期 加森
新浪微博@少年美剧派
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: ustvboom了解最新影视字幕发布信息
Bulbs.
灯泡
Get hot!
热起来啊
My toast is still bread, Paul!
我的吐司还是面包 保罗
What's happening?!
怎么回事啊
Have you been paying the utilities?
你有交水电费吗
You need to come help me.
你得来帮我
Why haven't you cashed any of the checks I sent?
你怎么还没兑现我寄给你的支票
Cash a check?!
兑现支票
Who am I, Lee Iacocca?
我成什么人了 李·艾科卡吗[大企业家]
Well... I guess I could cover your bills this month.
好吧 我可以帮你付这个月的账单
Lindsay, I'm sorry to hear about your power,
琳赛 我很抱歉你家里停电了
but it isn't my problem anymore.
但真的跟我无关了
Hello?
Paul?
保罗
In a long-term relationship, hurt feelings are inevitable.
在长期关系中 心痛难过是难免的
The trick is being able to communicate that hurt
诀窍在于能够恰当地 建设性地
appropriately and constructively.
沟通这种伤害
Are you guys sure you want me here?
你们确定想让我在这里吗
Yeah, bitch!
当然了 贱人
This whole feud was your idea.
本次撕逼大战都是你的主意
This feud was not my idea.
根本就不是我的主意
The fake feud was my idea,
我是让你们假撕
and only for crass, commercial reasons.
而且完全是为了广告效应
Okay, just to be clear, you started a real feud
说直白点 你引发了一场真撕逼
which then became a fake feud,
后来变成了假撕逼
which has now become a real feud again
结果又现在又成了真撕逼
Because the resultant "Dis tracks" have become hurtful?
因为那首歌很伤人吗
On this last one,
在最后这首里
Sam called me the black John Turturro.
山姆叫我"黑版约翰·特托罗"
He called me "Skinny fat."
他叫我"瘦肥猪"
Y'all told Fire 103 I let a dude suck my dick!
你们对《火103》杂志爆料 我让一个男的给我舔屌
- You did let a dude suck your dick. ?- Guys.?
-你就是让男人给你舔过啊 -各位
Remember, we're just pretending to be mad.
记住 我们只是在假装生气
You guys still need to be working on new music
你们还是要创作新音乐
for when we stage the big reunion!
等接下来宣布和好时推出啊
Bitch, I'm going solo.
贱人 我要单飞
I could take a dookie that would chart higher
我随便搞点东西出来 在榜上的排名都会高于
than anything I ever did with crustache over here
我和这个蠢货以及那个SAT考800分的傻逼
And Mr. 800-on-his-sats.
合作搞出来的作品
- I told you that in confidence. ?- Whatever.?
-我叫你不要告诉别人的 -无所谓了
Forget you tricks! I'm done.
算了 我受够了
May I use the remaining time
我能用剩下的时间
to talk about my parents' divorce?
聊聊我父母的离婚事件吗
Dad, I told you that we'd have a great time at the museum.
老爸 我说了我们会在博物馆里玩得很开心的
Yeah, but where were all these boobs at?!
是啊 但是那些大奶妹都哪里去了
And blackout!
退场
?Great class, you guys! Really good today.?
你们好棒 今天真的表现很棒
Good class. Good class.
你们班太棒了 非常好
Good work.
表现很好
Um, so listen.
听我说
I think you're funny and cute, and I'd like to take you out
我觉得你幽默 很可爱 我想带你出去
on a date with me for-for a date.
跟我约个会 当作约会
Is this a bit?
这是个梗吗
I don't think so,
我觉得不是
but I'm still not 100% sure what a bit is.
但我还是不太确定梗是什么意思
Wait, are you asking me on a date?
等等 你是想找我出去约会吗
No.
不是
Uh, you want to get drunk and hang out in my car?
你想喝醉酒 在我的车里玩玩吗
No. Please don't take it back.
不 别收回
You know guys don't do that, right?
你知道男生一般不这样吧
At least not comedy guys.
至少搞喜剧的男生不这样
I mean, I might get a text that's like, "You up?"
我一般会收到他们的短信直接说 "约吗"
That's how comedy dudes ask you out. They joke.
搞喜剧的男生都是这样约人出去的 他们很爱开玩笑
Like, "Wouldn't it be so funny
比如"如果你来我家
if you came over and were sucking my dick?"
舔我大屌会不会很好玩"
And then, next thing you know,
然后就是 你懂的
you've joked yourself into sucking their dick.
玩笑开着开着 你就真的去舔屌了
Uh, so, is-is that a no?
所以 你这是拒绝我了吗
No! You just broke my brain a little bit. Yes.
不是 你只是让我懵了一下 我答应
Uh, you want to go somewhere right now?
你想现在出去吗
Thanks again for picking me up.
再次感谢你来接我
How is a person supposed to know they have to put oil in their car?
一个人要怎么知道何时该给车加油呢
There's a little oil can light on your dashboard.
你的仪表盘上有个小小的油量指示灯
Paul took care of all that garbage.
一直都是保罗在负责车的
And now I don't have power, I don't have hot water,
现在我家里没电 没热水
I don't have TV!
甚至连电视都没有
I'm like a frontiers woman.
我简直就是原始部落的女人
I'm like Reese Witherspoon in that commercial for backpacks.
我就像那个背包广告里的瑞茜·威瑟斯彭
Right. Lindsay, I asked you to lunch for a reason.
好了 琳赛 我请你吃午饭是有原因的
Gretchen keeps sneaking out in the middle of the night.
格雷琴最近总是半夜溜出去
Do you know where she's going?
你知道她去哪里了吗
Probably got a side bitch.
可能在外面有小三了吧
- I don't think she has a... a side bitch. - Oh, Jimmy.
-我不觉得她有 小三了 -吉米
Let me tell you how relationships work.
我来跟你说说恋爱是怎么回事吧
You cheat,
你出轨
and then she cheats, and then, one day you wake up,
然后她出轨 然后有一天你醒来
and he's gone, none of your stuff works,
发现他走了 你的东西都不能用了
and you're having crabby puffs with some British guy.
只能和某个英国佬一起吃蟹肉泡芙
-I'll give you a ride. -You know what?
-我送你回去 -你知道吗
No.
不用了
I'm gonna figure out how to get home on my own.
我要搞清楚如何自己回家
That's the kitchen.
那里是厨房
总共1个联系人无姓名
想你了
-今天的事之后 你的确该想着我
-想你了
-你今晚打算干什么
-为酒吧开张造势 我给你发地址
-棒 到时见 么么哒
保罗
No.
不行
Oh, I've created a monster!
我创造了一个怪物
Sam just tweeted an old photo of Shitstain in his scoliosis brace.
山姆发了一张施斯坦穿着背背佳的推特
Why are you dressed like that?
你为何穿成这样
I was thinking you and I could go out for a proper drink.
我觉得 我们该出去好好喝杯酒
- Okay. - Actually, I heard about this cool new bar
-好啊 -我听说有个不错的新酒吧
that's opening tonight in Hollywood.
今晚在好莱坞开张
Cool, new bar in Hollywood?
好莱坞不错的新酒吧
You like old, gross bars in Sketchtown.
你喜欢的明明是斯凯奇镇恶心的老酒吧
Edgar might bring a girl home tonight,
埃德加今晚可能带妹子回来
so it's probably in our best interest to evacuate the premises.
我们最好把房子给他腾出来
I mean, can you imagine the nightmarish cacophony of rage sounds
你能想象从那个房间里传来的
that will emanate from that room
噩梦般刺耳的狂暴声响吗
when he finally
毕竟时隔这么多年
enters a live human woman after years...
他终于又进入了活生生的女人的身体
Eject!
射了
New bar it is.
就去新酒吧
It must be so cool to be on such a long-running team.
在一个维持了这么久的团队里工作一定很棒吧
Hey, put that down, Brian! Is an institution.
"嘿 记下 布莱恩" 简直是名企
Honestly, it's hard being the only girl.
说实话 作为里面唯一的女人很艰难
The guys are always showing me their dicks.
男生们经常对着我掏鸡巴
Or worse than that, their balls.
或者更差劲的 掏出蛋蛋
"Hanging brain," They call it.
他们称之为"悬着的大脑"
All the guys do that?
所有男生都那样吗
For my birthday, they gave me a mug.
我过生日时 他们送我个杯子
It looked like it had a bunch of inkblots on it.
上面看起来有很多墨水点
Turns out, they had gone to Color Me Mine,
原来是他们去了陶艺店
dipped their balls in paint
把他们的蛋蛋蘸上颜料
and tea-bagged the mug a bunch of times.
然后往那个杯子上一顿抹
That's sexual harassment!
那是性骚扰
And I should know, we were trained in that.
我知道的 我们在训练时讲过
There's no such thing as sexual harassment in comedy.
在喜剧界根本没有性骚扰一说
You're just a "No fun tight-ass,"
你只是"玩不起的小气鬼"
and then pretty soon,
很快
you get the tired, "Girls aren't funny" bullshit,
你就会听到"女人真没幽默感"之类的老一套的屁话
all stemming from the fact that you didn't want to bone down
都是因为你没有同意跟某个
with some insecure five-six neckbeard
长得丑成狗的大胡子男干一炮
who once had a meeting with Bob Odenkirk
他只见过鲍勃·奥登科克一面
so he thinks he's no longer a repulsive troll.
就觉得自己不是个精虫上脑的禽兽了
Look, I'm no expert, but...
听着 我不是专家 但...
maybe you should be more direct
也许你应该更加直接地
about your feelings with these guys.
对他们说出你的感受
I mean, I was nervous to tell you how I felt,
我之前也不敢告诉你我的感受
but...
但是...
I'm really glad that I did.
我很庆幸说出来了
Yeah?
是吗
Me, too.
我也觉得
埃曲突欧
So, what can I get you?
您要来点什么
What's the alpirsbach?
那个"奥帕斯巴赫"是什么
That one originates from Germany,
那是源自德国的
but we've separated the hydrogen molecules
但我们已经分离出氢分子
and infused them with lavender.
并与薰衣草一起浸泡
Yeah, okay. But what's in it? Is it gin?
好吧 但成分是什么 松子酒吗
This is a water bar.
这里是水吧
A what now?
什么吧
Aechtoeau
"埃曲突欧"[H2O]
Serves the finest artisanal water from around the globe.
提供全世界最好的手工水
Jimmy, what's happening?
吉米 什么情况
Yeah, I read a listicle about the benefits of hydration.
没错 我读到一篇关于补水的好处的文章
I am going to the bathroom,
我要去厕所了
and when I get back,
等我回来时
you are going to take me to a real bar
你要带我去真正的酒吧
and feed me cheap whiskey until I forget about that time
给我喝足廉价威士忌 直到我忘掉
that I stopped being able to have sex with my boyfriend ever again
我再也不愿和我男朋友滚床单了
because he took me to a bar that only served water.
因为他带我去了个只提供水的酒吧
我到了
Ty wyland.
泰·威兰德
Jimmy. Nice to see you.
吉米 幸会啊
Oh, so that's how you're gonna play it, is it?
你打算和我装傻充愣 是吗
Like the two of you haven't been sneaking around in the wee hours
就好像你们没在大半夜偷偷私会
like a goddamn Pinter play?
就像平特的荒诞剧
Who's pinter?
平特是谁
你在哪 贱人 我到酒吧了
As I was saying, the-the, um...
我的意思是 那个...
- The... - ?Gretchen, hi.
-那个... -格雷琴 嗨
You look ravishing.
你真是美翻了
Ty. Why... are you?
泰 你怎么会...
Oh, this is my place.
我是这地方的老板
Got to say, not surprised.
我必须说 毫不意外
Right. You two catch up. I'll be back.
好的 你们两个叙叙旧 我马上回来
Ty, you opened a bar.
泰 你开了家酒吧耶
- Kinda. - ?Yeah.
-算是吧 -没错
Well, not alone.
其实不是我一人之力
Adam Levine, Swaggy P, and I were in vegas
亚当·莱文 尼克·杨和我在维加斯时
talking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
一起探讨了需求层次论
Interesting thing, actually, with that...
很有趣的东西 于是...
Sorry I couldn't be there, babe.
抱歉没能陪你 宝贝
I know it's perineum massage night,
我知道今晚是会阴按摩之夜
So I made you this instructional vid.
所以我给你录了这个教学视频
This'll help what's-his-butt slide right on out.
有助于你肚子里的那玩意儿到时候生下来
So, first, It's time to lube those thumbs.
首先 要给你的大拇指涂润滑
Next, you're gonna take those thumbs
然后 竖起你的两个拇指
and insert them about three centimeters.
将它们插入大约三厘米
And I know you can handle it
我知道你能承受住
because your thumbs are not as big as my dick.
因为你的大拇指没有我的鸡鸡大
Kidding.
开玩笑的
But, really, they're not.
但说真的 确实没有
Now it's time to start the gentle massaging,
现在该进行轻柔按摩了
Round and down. Ready?
划圈然后向下 准备好了吗
Round and down.
划圈 向下
good.
很好
Round...
划圈...
Uh, what the hell happened to you?
你这是怎么了
My power got turned off.
我家的电被关停了
I don't know how to do anything.
我什么都不会
Well, now, don't beat yourself up.
别怪自己啊
It's probably mom's fault.
可能是老妈的错
Probably.
是很可能
She did always take so many more photos of me.
毕竟她给我拍的照片要多得多
Do you need a place to crash,
你需要个地方暂住吗
Huh, until your power gets turned back on?
直到你家的电力恢复
Come on.
来吧
The guest room's a nursery now,
客房现在改造成婴儿房了
But you... Okay. You can sleep in Vernon's man cave.
但你...可以睡在弗南的男人窝里
He's at the hospital and I'm going to prenatal yoga,
他在医院 我要去做产前瑜伽练习
So, eh, the house should be fairly quiet.
所以 这个家里应该会很安静的
But I'm sure you're used to
但我相信你现在一定习惯了
the deafening silence of an empty house by now.
空荡荡的屋子里死一般的寂静了吧
You and I need to talk.
你和我需要好好谈谈
No shit.
可不是嘛
Your girl's been sending me banana-ass texts all day.
你女朋友已经给我发了一天乱七八糟的短信了
Actually, I sent those messages.
实际上 那些短信是我发的
Look, just tell me,
听着 告诉我
Are you her side bitch?
你是她的小三吗
What? Hell no!
什么 当然不是
Bitch eats floor candy.
那贱人从地上捡糖吃
Ain't seen a foreign film in a decade.
十多年没看过一部外国电影
Do you know why she has a burner?
你知道她为什么会有部一次性手机吗
Oh, the god phone?
那个上帝手机吗
I gave her that because
我给她这部手机是因为
sleepy bitches don't deserve regular phones.
贪睡婊不配使用常规手机
She didn't tell you about my clever speech?
她没跟你说我那睿智的长篇大论吗
Now,
现在
I'm gonna go hit up that girl with the booty jorts over there.
我要去勾搭那边那个大屁股妹子了
She looks hydrated as hell!
她看上去真是水嫩多汁
And, honestly,
老实说
I was thinking about postponing the whole trip.
我在考虑推迟这整个的旅程
The Nepalese government
尼泊尔政府
just put all these restrictions on Everest
最近限制了攀登珠穆朗玛峰
because of the whole human waste pollution.
因为那边的人为污染太严重
Talk about a pile of shit, right?
你是在说人屎 是吧
Well, that's the problem, Gretchen.
那就是问题所在 格雷琴
No one does.
没人讨论这事
Hey, isn't that Christoph Waltz?
嘿 那不算 克里斯托弗·沃茨吗
Excuse me.
失陪了
Christoph!
克里斯托弗
非医生勿碰
打开
This isn't about forgetting a prop.
这事的重点不在于忘了带道具
You guys never bring props.
你们从来都不带道具的
Uh, I made that big-ass strawberry last month.
上个月那个超牛的草莓就是我做的啊
I feel...
我觉得...
I feel like this group doesn't respect me.
我觉得这个小组不尊重我
- What? - You guys are always showing me your balls.
-什么 -你们总是把蛋掏出来给我看
- We're just joking around. - Yeah.
-我们只是在闹着玩而已 -就是啊
It's sexual harassment.
那是性骚扰
- I'm a feminist. - I was raised by two strong lesbians.
-我是女权主义者 -我是被两个强壮的拉拉养大的
You know I only use my balls ironically.
你知道我只会在讽刺的情况下使用蛋蛋的
?Okay, and besides,
好吧 再说了
Okay, you didn't seem to mind my balls
你似乎并不介意我的蛋蛋啊
when you were sucking on 'em for all these years.
毕竟你都舔了这么多年了
You want to know why nobody wants you to direct their shows?
你想知道为什么没人邀请你去执导他们的剧吗
Because you're a jerk and your mise en scène sucks.
因为你是个混蛋 而且你的舞台调度糟透了
Oh, so you want to get honest right now, huh?
现在要说实话了是吧
Well, honestly, I am clearly
老实说 我显然是
The most talented person in this group,
这个小组里最有才的人了
And, as such, I am sick and tired
而且 我受够了
Of you guys refusing to let me do "Baby undertaker"!
你们不让我演出《宝宝送葬者》
"Baby undertaker" Isn't funny!
《宝宝送葬者》一点都不好笑
You isn't funny!
是你不好笑
You know, I think it's finally time to admit
我觉得终于是时候承认
That hey, put that down, brian! Is going nowhere,
"嘿 记下来 布莱恩"这个团体是没有前途的
Just like all of you guys, okay?
你们也一样没前途 懂吗
So, suck it, double suck it,
玩蛋去吧 你也玩蛋去
You don't get to suck it anymore.
你想玩蛋都没得玩了
Tall Nathan out.
高个儿内森退出
For good.
永久性地
Wait. Tall Nathan!
等等 高个儿内森
I'm out, too.
我也退出
Are you okay?
你还好吧
I can't believe tall Nathan talked to you like that.
我真不敢相信高个儿内森那样跟你说话
Things have been getting weird.
我们之间的情况变得有点怪异
We've been sleeping together on and off for the last seven years.
过去的7年中 我们断断续续上过床
I can't believe the group is done.
我真不敢相信这个小组走到了尽头
My god, I wasted all of
天啊 我在这上面浪费了
my 20s and part of my 30s.
整个20多岁和部分30多岁的岁月
Can I do anything?
我能帮上什么忙吗
You could hang out with me a lot.
你可以多陪陪我
I suddenly have tons of free time.
我突然间就有了好多空闲时间
Watch your step.
当心脚下
Lindsay?
琳赛
You found me.
你找到我了
Yeah. What are you doing here?
是啊 你在这儿干什么呢
I don't know how to do anything.
我什么都不会
I'm here.
我来了
Everything's gonna be okay.
一切都会好起来的
Linds, no.
琳子 不要
Look, it's real tempting.
听着 这真的很诱人
Your bazungas are epic stupid.
你的奶子很好骗
And ever since Becca hit her second trimest,
自从贝卡进入孕期第二阶段后
She's been a total cooze.
她就成了个疯婆子
But I love her,
但我爱她
And I can't do that to the mother of my child.
我不能对我孩子的母亲做这种事
I'm gonna let you get some sleep.
我让你好好睡一觉
Wait. Vernon?
等等 弗南
Do you think I'm useless?
你觉得我很没用吗
You might not be useful in the tradish sense,
按传统观点来说 你可能很没用
But you're a good friend. You make people happy.
但你是个好朋友 你让大家很开心
Will you hold me?
你能抱抱我吗
Just for a minute.
就一小会儿
Linds?
琳子
Fine.
好吧
Honk honk. A-ooga.
滴滴叭叭 乳炮响啦
Jesus christ.
老天爷啊
- What are you doing? - Nothing. Just...
-你在干什么呢 -没什么 只是...
crying in my car.
躲在车里哭泣而已
Is it something I did?
是因为我做错了什么事吗
No.
不是
So you're not... Sleeping with someone else?
所以 你没跟别的人上床吗
No, Jimmy. We're fine.
没有 吉米 我们之间没事
Right.
好吧
So, should I leave you alone then?
所以 我不要打扰你了是吗
- Yeah. Probably. ?- Okay, well, see you. Uh...
-是啊 或许这样比较好 -好吧 回见
So why'd you bring the phone?
那你为什么要带着手机
Oh, I...
我...
I like to play snake while I cry.
我哭的时候喜欢玩贪吃蛇游戏
Well, that's-that's a classic game, that.
那的确是个经典游戏