Oh, sorry, Jimmy. Got a protein-load.
抱歉 吉米 得补充蛋白质
Today in improv class,
we're finally doing Harolds.
Anyway, I really like my instructor.
And after what happened with Lindsay,
I think I'm finally ready to let love into my life again.
You've never had love in your life.
That's why I need to come up with an excuse
to see Dorothy after class.
So, I was thinking, after stretch and share,
I neg her and tell her she looks winded
and that she should sign up for my gym, and that...
Edgar, as always, you're overthinking it.
For once in your life, just keep it simple.
- You mean just ask her out? - ?No.?
Get her hammered and finger-bang her in your car.
Maybe I should be more direct.
I mean, with Lindsay, I got friend-zoned for life.
One time, she texted me,
"Yo, girl, want to get brunch?"
"哟 闺蜜 要不要去吃早午餐"
Have you noticed something's up with Gretchen?
You mean how she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night?
How-how'd you sleep?
- Fine. - ?Okay, good.?
Nothing. You just look a little tired.
Your dick's a weird color.
Catch up again tomorrow?
I got to go shower.
Sam released Shitstain's chinchilla into Griffith park.
This feud's out of control.
Why don't you just ask Gretchen where she's been going at night?
Poor, ignorant Edgar.
You don't just drop your accusation on a perp
without gathering proper forensic evidence first,
or they're likely to blow.
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My toast is still bread, Paul!
Have you been paying the utilities?
You need to come help me.
Why haven't you cashed any of the checks I sent?
Who am I, Lee Iacocca?
Well... I guess I could cover your bills this month.
Lindsay, I'm sorry to hear about your power,
but it isn't my problem anymore.
In a long-term relationship, hurt feelings are inevitable.
The trick is being able to communicate that hurt
appropriately and constructively.
Are you guys sure you want me here?
This whole feud was your idea.
This feud was not my idea.
The fake feud was my idea,
and only for crass, commercial reasons.
Okay, just to be clear, you started a real feud
which then became a fake feud,
which has now become a real feud again
Because the resultant "Dis tracks" have become hurtful?
Sam called me the black John Turturro.
He called me "Skinny fat."
Y'all told Fire 103 I let a dude suck my dick!
- You did let a dude suck your dick. ?- Guys.?
Remember, we're just pretending to be mad.
You guys still need to be working on new music
for when we stage the big reunion!
Bitch, I'm going solo.
I could take a dookie that would chart higher
than anything I ever did with crustache over here
And Mr. 800-on-his-sats.
- I told you that in confidence. ?- Whatever.?
Forget you tricks! I'm done.
May I use the remaining time
to talk about my parents' divorce?
Dad, I told you that we'd have a great time at the museum.
Yeah, but where were all these boobs at?!
?Great class, you guys! Really good today.?
Good class. Good class.
I think you're funny and cute, and I'd like to take you out
我觉得你幽默 很可爱 我想带你出去
on a date with me for-for a date.
but I'm still not 100% sure what a bit is.
Wait, are you asking me on a date?
Uh, you want to get drunk and hang out in my car?
No. Please don't take it back.
You know guys don't do that, right?
At least not comedy guys.
I mean, I might get a text that's like, "You up?"
That's how comedy dudes ask you out. They joke.
Like, "Wouldn't it be so funny
if you came over and were sucking my dick?"
And then, next thing you know,
you've joked yourself into sucking their dick.
Uh, so, is-is that a no?
No! You just broke my brain a little bit. Yes.
不是 你只是让我懵了一下 我答应
Uh, you want to go somewhere right now?
Thanks again for picking me up.
How is a person supposed to know they have to put oil in their car?
There's a little oil can light on your dashboard.
Paul took care of all that garbage.
And now I don't have power, I don't have hot water,
I don't have TV!
I'm like a frontiers woman.
I'm like Reese Witherspoon in that commercial for backpacks.
Right. Lindsay, I asked you to lunch for a reason.
好了 琳赛 我请你吃午饭是有原因的
Gretchen keeps sneaking out in the middle of the night.
Do you know where she's going?
Probably got a side bitch.
- I don't think she has a... a side bitch. - Oh, Jimmy.
-我不觉得她有 小三了 -吉米
Let me tell you how relationships work.
and then she cheats, and then, one day you wake up,
and he's gone, none of your stuff works,
and you're having crabby puffs with some British guy.
-I'll give you a ride. -You know what?
I'm gonna figure out how to get home on my own.
That's the kitchen.
Oh, I've created a monster!
Sam just tweeted an old photo of Shitstain in his scoliosis brace.
Why are you dressed like that?
I was thinking you and I could go out for a proper drink.
- Okay. - Actually, I heard about this cool new bar
that's opening tonight in Hollywood.
Cool, new bar in Hollywood?
You like old, gross bars in Sketchtown.
Edgar might bring a girl home tonight,
so it's probably in our best interest to evacuate the premises.
I mean, can you imagine the nightmarish cacophony of rage sounds
that will emanate from that room
enters a live human woman after years...
It must be so cool to be on such a long-running team.
Hey, put that down, Brian! Is an institution.
"嘿 记下 布莱恩" 简直是名企
Honestly, it's hard being the only girl.
The guys are always showing me their dicks.
Or worse than that, their balls.
"Hanging brain," They call it.
All the guys do that?
For my birthday, they gave me a mug.
It looked like it had a bunch of inkblots on it.
Turns out, they had gone to Color Me Mine,
dipped their balls in paint
and tea-bagged the mug a bunch of times.
That's sexual harassment!
And I should know, we were trained in that.
There's no such thing as sexual harassment in comedy.
You're just a "No fun tight-ass,"
you get the tired, "Girls aren't funny" bullshit,
all stemming from the fact that you didn't want to bone down
with some insecure five-six neckbeard
who once had a meeting with Bob Odenkirk
so he thinks he's no longer a repulsive troll.
Look, I'm no expert, but...
听着 我不是专家 但...
maybe you should be more direct
about your feelings with these guys.
I mean, I was nervous to tell you how I felt,
I'm really glad that I did.
So, what can I get you?
What's the alpirsbach?
That one originates from Germany,
but we've separated the hydrogen molecules
and infused them with lavender.
Yeah, okay. But what's in it? Is it gin?
好吧 但成分是什么 松子酒吗
This is a water bar.
Serves the finest artisanal water from around the globe.
Jimmy, what's happening?
Yeah, I read a listicle about the benefits of hydration.
I am going to the bathroom,
and when I get back,
you are going to take me to a real bar
and feed me cheap whiskey until I forget about that time
that I stopped being able to have sex with my boyfriend ever again
because he took me to a bar that only served water.
Jimmy. Nice to see you.
Oh, so that's how you're gonna play it, is it?
Like the two of you haven't been sneaking around in the wee hours
like a goddamn Pinter play?
As I was saying, the-the, um...
- The... - ?Gretchen, hi.
-那个... -格雷琴 嗨
You look ravishing.
Ty. Why... are you?
Oh, this is my place.
Got to say, not surprised.
Right. You two catch up. I'll be back.
好的 你们两个叙叙旧 我马上回来
Ty, you opened a bar.
- Kinda. - ?Yeah.
Well, not alone.
Adam Levine, Swaggy P, and I were in vegas
talking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Interesting thing, actually, with that...
Sorry I couldn't be there, babe.
I know it's perineum massage night,
So I made you this instructional vid.
This'll help what's-his-butt slide right on out.
So, first, It's time to lube those thumbs.
Next, you're gonna take those thumbs
and insert them about three centimeters.
And I know you can handle it
because your thumbs are not as big as my dick.
But, really, they're not.
Now it's time to start the gentle massaging,
Round and down. Ready?
Uh, what the hell happened to you?
My power got turned off.
I don't know how to do anything.
Well, now, don't beat yourself up.
It's probably mom's fault.
She did always take so many more photos of me.
Do you need a place to crash,
Huh, until your power gets turned back on?
The guest room's a nursery now,
But you... Okay. You can sleep in Vernon's man cave.
He's at the hospital and I'm going to prenatal yoga,
So, eh, the house should be fairly quiet.
But I'm sure you're used to
the deafening silence of an empty house by now.
You and I need to talk.
Your girl's been sending me banana-ass texts all day.
Actually, I sent those messages.
Look, just tell me,
Are you her side bitch?
Bitch eats floor candy.
Ain't seen a foreign film in a decade.
Do you know why she has a burner?
Oh, the god phone?
I gave her that because
sleepy bitches don't deserve regular phones.
She didn't tell you about my clever speech?
I'm gonna go hit up that girl with the booty jorts over there.
She looks hydrated as hell!
I was thinking about postponing the whole trip.
The Nepalese government
just put all these restrictions on Everest
because of the whole human waste pollution.
Talk about a pile of shit, right?
Well, that's the problem, Gretchen.
Hey, isn't that Christoph Waltz?
嘿 那不算 克里斯托弗·沃茨吗
This isn't about forgetting a prop.
You guys never bring props.
Uh, I made that big-ass strawberry last month.
I feel like this group doesn't respect me.
- What? - You guys are always showing me your balls.
- We're just joking around. - Yeah.
It's sexual harassment.
- I'm a feminist. - I was raised by two strong lesbians.
You know I only use my balls ironically.
?Okay, and besides,
Okay, you didn't seem to mind my balls
when you were sucking on 'em for all these years.
You want to know why nobody wants you to direct their shows?
Because you're a jerk and your mise en scène sucks.
Oh, so you want to get honest right now, huh?
Well, honestly, I am clearly
The most talented person in this group,
And, as such, I am sick and tired
Of you guys refusing to let me do "Baby undertaker"!
"Baby undertaker" Isn't funny!
You know, I think it's finally time to admit
That hey, put that down, brian! Is going nowhere,
"嘿 记下来 布莱恩"这个团体是没有前途的
Just like all of you guys, okay?
So, suck it, double suck it,
You don't get to suck it anymore.
Wait. Tall Nathan!
I can't believe tall Nathan talked to you like that.
Things have been getting weird.
We've been sleeping together on and off for the last seven years.
I can't believe the group is done.
My god, I wasted all of
my 20s and part of my 30s.
Can I do anything?
You could hang out with me a lot.
I suddenly have tons of free time.
Yeah. What are you doing here?
I don't know how to do anything.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Look, it's real tempting.
Your bazungas are epic stupid.
And ever since Becca hit her second trimest,
She's been a total cooze.
And I can't do that to the mother of my child.
I'm gonna let you get some sleep.
Do you think I'm useless?
You might not be useful in the tradish sense,
But you're a good friend. You make people happy.
Honk honk. A-ooga.
- What are you doing? - Nothing. Just...
-你在干什么呢 -没什么 只是...
crying in my car.
Is it something I did?
So you're not... Sleeping with someone else?
No, Jimmy. We're fine.
没有 吉米 我们之间没事
So, should I leave you alone then?
- Yeah. Probably. ?- Okay, well, see you. Uh...
-是啊 或许这样比较好 -好吧 回见
So why'd you bring the phone?
I like to play snake while I cry.
Well, that's-that's a classic game, that.