Pameron Tucker, you outdid yourself
on these biscuits and gravy.
they make you want to slap your mama.
Am I right, Mitchell?
Sure. If that's a thing, why not?
当然 如果真有这么个说法 肯定的
I'm fuller than a dog tick.
Hey, just because they do it...
It's the least I could do,
since you'uns opened your home to me
for I don't know how many weeks now.
I just don't get it.
- How could he leave me? - I know.
There's nothing I won't let him do in the b-e-d.
Hey, sweetheart, you're such a big eater, aren't ya, huh?
亲爱的 你吃了不少哦 是吧
I can't believe I got left.
So, Pam got left.
Her husband, Bo, took off with half their stuff
when she was out rounding up dazed piglets after a twister.
I insisted she stay with us
so I could help build up her confidence again.
Pam's self-worth has always been
tied to the attention of men.
maybe isn't the best thing for Lily to witness.
- What are you talking about? - N-Nothing.
-你在说什么 -没 没什么
I'm probably just imagining it.
I'm not imagining it.
That could be him, you guys! It could be him!
可能是他 大家伙儿 可能是他打来了
That could be him! It could be him!
Wow, this is more reading than I did
in my three years at a two-year college.
I'm thinking chili dog,
just like Pops -- may he rest in peace --
bought me at my first baseball game.
May I be frank?
We have a wiener.
Oh, that's so weirdly sweet.
And it's so cute how your hair never moves.
Coachella, dancing on top of my van.
No, I just have one of those faces that --
Haley, would you like to introduce us?
Andy, my boyfriend, this is...
Is that Cherokee?
- I should -- - Bye.
Hey, I know that you're a little wilder than I am.
It's one of the reasons I fell for you. It's exciting.
You don't have to say that.
You know what? Let's forget about dinner and a movie.
Let's do what Wild Haley would do instead.
Honestly, I've been kind of ready
for Wild Haley to chuck her party pumps in the trash.
Or give them to charity, blah, blah, blah -- whatever.
But if that's one of the things that Andy liked about me,
I wasn't gonna shut it down.
Okay, well, we can start
at this western place where I know the bartender.
If you hang back, I can get us free drinks all night.
It won't look weird,
you ordering two drinks every time you go up?
Then let's turn this mother out.
pulling that expression out of my fanny.
I'm not usually so quick with party talk,
but I've always had this fear
that Haley would think I couldn't keep up with her,
so I just tried to survive the night
and not barf on my dad's old church shirt.
Can we watch the movie now?
- Honey? - Answer him!
Honey, please. I just have to approve this proposal.
亲爱的 拜托 我得把这个提议搞定先
I've been working on it all week.
That's right. Sun never sets on Mama's empire.
No, remember the travel app we signed up for
that gives you the last-minute deals?
Three nights in Paris, first-class airfare,
four-star hotel for basically nothing.
The flight leaves at noon tomorrow.
We have five minutes to answer.
Wait. You're not seriously considering this, are you?
It's kind of the deal of the century.
Plus, we'd only miss one day of work.
Haley's with Andy. Luke's on a ski trip.
Oh, sweetie, by the time we got there,
we would be so messed up on the time change,
we would just wander around in, like, a nauseous fog.
Or you could just force yourselves
to stay up all night tonight,
then sleep on the plane tomorrow,
and then when you land in Paris,
your morning will be Paris' morning.
Lucky for us, the smart one's home.
It's such a sweet idea,
but I am so tired from work this week.
What is more energizing than springtime in Paris?
Baguettes baking, mimes miming, skunks in love.
飘香的法棍 有趣的哑剧 相爱的臭鼬
This is what life is.
- C'est la vie, right? - Nope.
-这才是生活[法语] 好吗 -不
Look, someday, watching movies on the couch
is the only thing we'll be able to do,
but right now, let's fire a warning shot
right through Father Time's beard
and spend a weekend in the Eternal City.
She knows where I mean, and the clock's running!
You really want to do this, don't you?
We'd be back Tuesday with the story of a lifetime.
Press the orange square.
Pressez-vous le square orange.
Yeah! We're doing it!
Sorry, sleep! You'll have to wait!
抱歉 睡眠先生 你得等等了
We're setting our watches to Paris time,
Nine hours ahead.
Okay. Okay, it's 9:30 right now...
好了 现在是晚上九点半 换算过去是
Oh, my God! 6:30.
How long's it take to get the makeup off?
I got out of Saigon faster.
You like what walks out the door every morning,
so don't complain about the process.
I got a floor sander in the garage
if it'll open up the bathroom sooner.
Aw, feeling a little put-out, Jay?
It's my bathroom, remember?
Manny, there's no pimple there.
It's the underground kind. I can feel my heartbeat in it.
I retired. I needed a little project.
So I decided to redo our master bathroom.
Yeah, if only someone had told you
that it was going to be harder and longer
than it looked on YouTube.
If you just followed the simple bathroom schedule
I posted in two places in English and Spanish...
Yes, who does that?
Who puts a schedule up for their family?
Uh, don't go in there.
I need to get my vanishing cream. I can't find it.
So funny, I forgot to --
What happened to the shower?!
I started over. I wasn't loving the grout.
This is gonna take at least one more week.
Don't upset yourself.
No, you are upsetting myself!
And you're gonna go and sleep on the couch.
What are you doing?
That's fresh tar in there.
You really want to smell that all night long?
I get to make one decision about this bathroom.
The door stays open!
Um, in all the bathroom confusion,
instead of my multivitamin,
I may have taken a birth-control pill.
I think you'll be fine.
And anyways, for sure I won't be needing one tonight!
It may be the pill,
but I'm feeling a little attacked right now.
Did you drink that while it was still on fire?
It's how I used to eat my marshmallows.
And you're so pretty.
It's really good meeting you two.
Haley, I'll give you 20 bucks to make out with Bianca.
So, Bianca's a smoker. Didn't love that.
Or the wandering hands.
But it's all a part of the Wild Haley experience.
12 seconds! Not bad!
That's why I was screaming.
Wow, what a night, huh?
Sucks it's so late.
Not where we're going.
I know that look -- Vegas!
Me too! I was scared we were done.
That's some tender meats.
I can't sleep when I'm angry. Never could.
And there's something very wrong with people who can.
What are you doing sending e-mails this time of night?
You want some company?
Gloria's just adjusting to me being around more.
We're on top of each other -- and not in a good way.
Oh, fun. I was hoping your sex life would come up.
Look, Dad, remodels are tense.
Half the divorces I do start with a remodel.
Or an underwear model.
Can I get you anything?
- You know what a Reuben is? - Yes.
This is a Reuben.
You grill the bread and the corned beef separately.
Now, I said "corned beef."
There's no vodka in a martini.
There's no pastrami in a Reuben.
You put 'em together.
Then you have 'kraut, Swiss, Russian.
Axis, neutral, Ally.
轴心国 中立国 盟友
That's how you remember.
Got it. Roderigo! Number siete!
知道了 罗德里格 7号
What's with people today?
Yeah, it's totally people.
Look, Dad, you get so worked up.
You should try doing this thing that I'm doing
where I just decide not to let things bother me.
That's why you're here alone in the middle of the night?
It's just a little hard
to get work done at my house right now.
some sort of pollen is released into the air,
and for two weeks, Cam has allergy-induced sleep apnea
and has to use an apparatus in order to help him breathe.
I barely even noticed it.
What's challenging is, Pam has the same condition.
I thought that maybe I could focus
if I could get those contraptions in sync.
Why did you plug it back in?
No, unlike you, I didn't engage, and I avoided a fight.
和你不同 我没生气 也没引起争吵
So all is well on my side of the street.
Mitchell, there's a pile of little orange hairs
You're picking your eyebrows again.
Like you did when I put you in Little League.
Okay, I am a little stressed.
But it's just 'cause I'm -- I'm buried under work.
And Cam's sister is the worst influence on Lily.
But I-I can't yell at her because she's a sopping mess.
So, you know, who am I supposed to yell at?
My husband, who needs a machine to breathe?
Well, you better find yourself an outlet.
That's why I have scotch and golf and cigars.
Otherwise, I'd be a raging jackass.
- We're out of rye. - Then bake some!
Can you please not yell at the woman
who's bringing us our food?
I -- our food -- Stop that. That's gross!
我们的食物 别说了 太恶心了
It's like a fox ran across the table.
No, I have work to do.
No, you got to blow off some steam.
O-Okay, this sounds a lot like Little League.
We better not be going to a batting cage.
You do not want to put a bat in my hands right now.
Like you could hit me.
Out of that trance! We're going to France!
I can yawn. It's 2:30 in the morning.
Mais non, mademoiselle! It's 11:30 in the morning.
不 女士 现在是早上11点半
Thanks for doing these.
- Did I mention that -- - Yes, you did --
that if you wear your sweatpants low enough,
tonight, I will see London, I will see France,
and then, yes, I will see your underpants.
It's fine. We can take a nap.
Europeans are always napping.
Actually, that's the worst thing you can do.
She's right, Claire. Get up.
她说的没错 克莱尔 振作点
Why are you still awake?
I'm too excited to sleep.
I'm studying Big Bang nucleosynthesis --
well, more specifically
the total Baryonic matter in the universe.
Dark matter and dark energy
make up 95% of all of the matter in the --
- No! Go away! - Stop!
-不 走开 -别念了
And no surprise, first entry on howtostayawake.net --
- This did it. - This is all we needed.
- You want to rub my feet? - If you rub mine.
The feet! Why'd we do the feet?!
Second tip -- stay active.
Finally, we found something that worked.
No! What the hell?!
What do you say we take a walk and get something to eat?
It is French lunchtime.
Sure. It's worth a shot.
Got to do something first.
Why would you do that?!
Alls I'm saying is,
if you're lucky enough to get this boy Ryan you like,
you hold on with both hands.
'Cause once he's gone, you're nothing.
Okay, you don't really mean that.
I don't know what I mean.
I'm just a woman running her fool mouth off.
Okay, not exactly the message of empowerment
we'd like to impart to our 21st-century daughter.
What's a Demerol shooter?
Okay, you know what? Let's keep our voices down.
好了 我说 咱们声音小点
We don't want anyone woken up and proven correct.
- One more drag! - No. Stop.
-再抽一口 -不行 别抽了
What's the worst it's gonna do? Kill me?
Hey, I rolled that!
Sorry, sorry. It's you, Papi.
对不起 对不起 是你啊 宝贝
Can you please deal with Joe?
And also get a therapist?
That is not coming from his bedroom.
I wanted a glass of water, and I got stuck.
Why didn't I close that door so you didn't get stuck
like Manny's gerbil in the glue trap?!
But you said he ran away.
Yes, most of him did.
Take off your slippers.
Oh, yeah, good idea.
Don't want anything bad to happen to them.
Wait! What are you doing?!
Are you crazy?! They're Florentine leather!
Ay, Manny, that's what we just told you.
We got them in Chinatown.
Let's get you out of there.
Now we're gonna burn these pajamas
with the towel and the slippers.
It's in my hair, too.
Go. Grab some scissors and run them back to Mama.
I'll get the scissors, Joe!
I didn't even want him,
and I'm the only one keeping him alive.
Okay, I just have to smooth this out
so that Jay doesn't notice anything.
You're really going through
a lot of trouble to hide this from him.
You just don't understand.
This is the first time in a fight
that I was 100% right and Jay was 100% wrong.
That never happens.
And being right is so important?
Get married and then get back to me.
Ay, no! This is stuck! Come help me!
不 卡住了 过来帮我一把
Oh, no! My birthday Rolex!
We'll take the check, please.
I want to go to sleep so bad, Phil.
Maybe this will keep you awake.
Our house cannot be this far.
We've been walking for...
We've passed this mattress already.
God wants me to sleep.
Fight it! Fight it, Claire!
坚持住 坚持住 克莱尔
No! No! We're so close!
不行 不行 我们离目标很近了
I can't let you quit!
Oh, God. I'm not gonna go to sleep on some filthy mattress...
I'm so tired from work already.
I won't be any fun in Paris.
Meet someone. I don't care.
I just can't do it. I'm sorry.
You know what? Let's not.
I shouldn't have pushed you.
I know I said all that stuff about not wanting to get old,
I think I really wanted to go because I miss you.
Because I've been working so much?
Yeah, which is great.
I-I really want that for you.
I just wanted a little adventure.
We've had so much fun tonight.
When was the last time
I got to stay up until 5:00 in the morning with you?
That's to wake me up.
And that is for ever forgetting
that you are the best husband.
Oh. What's that for?
For whatever's crawling all over me!
Oh, no! They're on me, too!
$40 for the hour. Songs are in the book.
Anyone want a cocktail?
- You know how to make a Manhattan? - Yes.
No, you don't. The only Manhattan --
So, a karaoke bar, huh?
You know, it's a little offensive that you think
singing a pop song is gonna solve my problems.
How gay do you think I am?
When you were stressed out as a kid,
you used to dance and sing Madonna in the living room.
Fixed you right up.
Ah, I'm not surprised.
You think I haven't changed at all in 25 years.
If you were surprised, I wouldn't know it,
since you've plucked out all your eyebrows.
News flash -- I am not singing.
News flash -- yes, you are!
You know what, Dad?
You have been really bossy tonight.
With me, with that waitress.
I-I bet that's why you and Gloria are having problems.
You miss bossing people around at work,
so now you're doing it at home.
If I admitted there was some truth in that,
could you just give in?
You've been grinding around like Lola Falana.
I don't know why this is so important to you.
Can you just let me help you?!
Okay, I'm doing this,
but only because you need it so much.
Do you believe in love?
'Cause I got something to say about it.
And it goes something like this.
*Don't go for second best, baby*
*Put your love to the test*
*You know, you know...*
Watching Mitchell, I did feel kind of good
about fixing his problem.
Now, being retired, you don't always feel useful anymore.
It's probably why I keep tearing up that bathroom.
I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing to admit to Gloria.
Eh, it'll probably blow over.
I knew you'd be up, tossing and turning.
Why are you calling from the couch?
Not home. Long story.
Look, let me get this out.
I have been going crazy with the bathroom,
but it's not really about the bathroom.
It's about me not being sure who I am anymore.
You were 100% right.
I love to hear that, but...
Okay. No rush getting home.
Please, please, please! Come on, black!
给力 给力 黑
Gambling is the best!
You hand your hard-earned money to strangers
and pray it comes back.
I know I've had a lot to drink,
but that is not Bianca anymore, is it?
I don't want to believe Clint sold her...
You guys want to get really crazy?
People know where I am.
All-in on one number.
Okay, I guess that's no scarier
than when that glow-stick broke in my mouth.
Andy, that's, like, a month's rent.
Hey, you got to go big or...
Wait -- the black ones aren't $1s?
Really? Okay, could I just...
真的吗 好吧 我能不能...
Sorry, sir. The ball's rolling.
Andy, what is happening with you?
Why are you doing this?
What are you talking about? I thought you loved Wild Andy.
I love Normal Andy,
Really? Because I've been doing this whole thing
because I was afraid you'd get bored and dump me
if I couldn't keep up.
I know you can't keep up. But I'd rather slow down.
I like the me I am when I'm with you.
Well, I wish you would have told me that about a minute ago.
The stress is murder on my tummy.
Aunt Pam's leaving.
Pameron Jessica Tucker, where do you think you're going?
Home -- to get down on my knees and beg Bo to come back.
回家 跪在博的面前 求他回心转意
I'm just gonna lie and tell him I'm pregnant.
No, that is not how mature people handle their problems.
I will fight you.
You are not going to crawl back to that man.
You don't have a choice. You know I can take you.
Okay, you know what?
You are going to regret that!
Oh, now you poked the bear!
Well, come on, Mama Bear!
It's all my fault anyway!
I pushed him away!
Because I never listened!
You really want Lily to think women are weak?!
You're acting this crazy all over a boy?!
Oh, Lily, I'm so happy to hear you say that!
Now, pull Aunt Pameron's bra strap!
Okay. So we moved the couch.
I, uh, I had some work to do.
Me too. Get my man back.
Okay. Okay. All right.
As much as I'd love to leave this alone,
I learned something tonight
that I feel like I-I need to share with you.
You deserve the best in life.
So if the time isn't right, then...move on.
Second best, it's...
You'll do much better, baby, on your own.
Don't go for second best.
- Put your love... - It's okay. I fixed her.
-让你的爱... -没事 我解决了
Madonna fixed her.
Don't worry. We've got this.
Take all the time you need.
I'm only finishing a 12-hour shift.
Do you got a nickel or a dime or anything?
you're gonna have to make change.
My mom and dad are going to Paris.
Okay, children informed, passports secured,
好吧 通知了孩子 拿好了护照
What am I forgetting?
Au revoir, Alex!
Next stop, Paradise City.
Guns and Roses.